Chapter 9 - Turmoil

Author's Notes: Thanks for all your reviews on the previous chapter, guys. I know this update is a little late.

Thanks again to my dear friend Nathalie for her stellar beta work and for being my sounding board for this story. She's been truly magical through all of this.

"It's mom. She's downstairs. And she won't leave until she's seen you."

Harvey stared at his brother in utter disbelief, "Are you kidding me? She's here? I told you…"

"I know what you told me, Harvey," his brother reiterated, his voice strained. "But what was I supposed to do? She showed up here, knowing that the kids would already be at school, and asked to see you. I tried to tell her it was a bad idea. She just wouldn't listen. I couldn't exactly kick her out, you know?"

"Marcus…"

"What's going on?" Donna had joined them and once Katie had filled her in, she reached for his hand, "Harvey, are you OK?"

"No, I'm not. She has no right. I'm not ready to deal with her and I don't need this. Not after last time."

"Harvey, please," Marcus said, quietly, "Look, she just wants to see you. She heard you weren't doing well and she's worried. - and yes I told her just that, but I didn't give her all the details, I promise."

"Well, I don't exactly care. The last time I even tried to make things right with her, she had the nerve…," he closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Look, I know you told me that I have to deal with her at some point, since I'm here. But, I'm not ready. Far too much has been said and done."

"Marcus," Donna said, her hand still clutched in his. "Can we have a few minutes alone?"

Marcus and Katie nodded their assent, before leaving him alone with Donna, who continued to watch him warily for a few seconds before tugging on their joined hands to pull them back into their room.

"Donna, I'm going to stop you right there," he said as she sat them both down on the bed. "I can't. I wouldn't even know what to say to her."

"I know. But she's down there, Harvey and I think you should go, if not for yourself, but so that you don't put Marcus in a position to kick his mother out of his own home."

He didn't reply immediately, choosing instead to watch their joined hands. He ran his thumb along her knuckles, trying to get through the turmoil in his mind, when she broke through his thoughts.

"Harvey," she leaned her chin on his shoulder, while her palm ran soothingly across his back. "Her showing up like this isn't ideal. But, you can't entirely fault her, can you? She's your mother and knowing you're a few blocks down from where she is, I can see why she'd be unable to hold herself back."

He looked at her, knowing she was right, and kissed the back of her hand before nodding,"I'll go and see what she wants. That's about all I can do."

Donna smiled and leaned in for a kiss, which he happily obliged before getting up to get dressed.

"I still say this is a bad idea," Katie said, glancing apprehensively between her husband and Lily. "Harvey came here because the stress at work was too much for him, and this isn't going to help."

"Katie," Lily said, "You have no idea what it's like…"

"To have a son who acts like you don't exist. Yes, I know. But, this isn't about you, Lily. This is about Harvey and whether he's really up to seeing you. You need to give him time."

"Katie," Marcus said. "He'll be fine. He has Donna now."

"That is neither here nor there, and you know it. That's not how the mind works, Marcus. Yes, he has Donna, but that's not going to magically fix what he's going through. What you're doing here, Lily? That's selfish. That's really all I'm going to say about this. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"What is he going through? And Donna is here, as well?" Lily asked, and then added off Katie's look of surprise. "I know of her. Gordon used to talk about her; you know that."

"She is," Marcus answered, partly in an effort to stall the rising tension between his wife and mother. "She came here looking for Harvey yesterday."

"I see the Marcus Specter rumor mill is running at full throttle," a voice said behind him.

Marcus turned his head to see his brother glaring at him, Donna's wide eyes visible behind his shoulder.

"Harvey."

Harvey cut him off, and Marcus swallowed as he felt the temperature in the room drop when his brother caught sight of their mother.

Harvey hadn't been able to keep the irritation from his voice when he heard his brother discussing his private life with Lily, and now standing here in her presence, he felt anger ripple under his skin.

"Lily," he said, unable to keep the dismissiveness in his voice out. "I'd say it is nice to see you, but I've had about enough of lying about you to last me a lifetime."

He had seen her flinch when he'd addressed her as "Lily" and her face had turned pale at the rest of his words.

"Harvey, please," Lily said, her eyes filling with tears.

Donna's hand reached for his again, and he felt her squeeze his fingers, whether in admonishment or consolation, he couldn't tell, but he took a deep breath, and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you, Harvey. Marcus told me you weren't doing well, and with what happened with…"

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare bring his name up. This is just like you to try and use him and this family as an excuse for your actions."

"I actually wasn't going to bring up…," she started, looking briefly at Marcus, before looking at him. "You're right, I shouldn't have said that. But Harvey, what would you have me do? It's been a few years since G… since we last saw each other. And now you're here and I couldn't just let another chance go by."

"Yes, well, whose fault was that? You had the nerve to bring him to Dad's funeral. That told me all I needed to know."

"His name is Bobby and he is the man I love, Harvey. And Gordon had forgiven him. Forgiven us. What's it going to take for you to understand that?"

"And to me, he is the man who willfully ruined this family along with you. I don't care if Dad forgave him. Or you." He shook his head. "Dad didn't have to live with the knowledge of your duplicity for most of his life. I did. You didn't care whom it hurt, as long as you got to have what you wanted. You're the same selfish woman you always were. I told Marcus I wasn't ready to deal with you, and you obviously know it, and yet here you are. Forcing me to do something I don't want to. You haven't changed."

His mother's eyes widened in shock, "I came here because I thought enough time had passed for you to consider talking to me again. But I was clearly wrong, because you haven't changed either. You're still the same childish, self-absorbed man who's stayed away from his family when they needed him the most, because he couldn't let go of his anger for their sake. Until now. When you needed them."

"Mom… that's not fair," Marcus tried to interject, glancing anxiously at him. "I told you this was a bad idea."

"No, let her say her piece, Marcus," Harvey said, stepping forward angrily.

"No. Enough has been said," his brother said firmly and Harvey sensed something in his tone that had his instincts on alert; instincts that told him when people were hiding something.

"I don't have much to say, actually," Lily said, glancing at him briefly before turning to Marcus, "You were right. This was a bad idea. I'll see myself out. I'm sorry I barged in on your morning, Harvey."

He stared stonily back at her and watched as his brother ushered Lily out of the room, leaving him with Katie and Donna.

"Harvey," Donna said quietly, laying her hand gently on his shoulder. He glanced at her pained face, instantly hating himself for having allowed her to witness this.

He reached for her, and she came easily into his arms. He breathed her in, her warmth and her scent once again serving to calm his roiling thoughts.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he murmured into her neck, and her grip tightened on him. "It's just that every time I see her, and I just…"

"I know," she replied, her palm coming to rest on the back of his neck, stroking it to soothe him while her grip tightened on his back.

There was a note of relief in her tone, and judging by the way she was holding him, Harvey sensed that she'd been worried about him tipping into another panic attack. He reached his hand into her hair, tilting her head back to meet her worried gaze, "I'm OK."

She nodded and he kissed her forehead.

When Marcus re-entered the room, Harvey watched him closely. There had been a hastiness to the way his brother had ushered their mother out, that had him wondering if Marcus had stopped her from saying something that he wasn't supposed to know.

He glanced down at Donna, who was also watching his brother with a slight frown between her eyes. She looked up at him when she sensed his gaze, and shook her head.

I'll tell you later.

He debated pushing either her or Marcus for answers, when Katie interrupted his reverie, "Harvey, I'm so sorry about all of that. Are you feeling alright?"

"I am," he replied, and he felt his skin prickle with discomfort at having caused a scene in their presence, as well. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"You weren't ready," Marcus said, quietly even though his voice was still strained. "We know. Harvey."

"Don't apologize, Marcus. I could still have tried to be civil."

"No." Katie's voice interjected before his brother could reply. She silenced her husband with a quick glance "It was much too soon. She could have waited. We told her that."

"She's right," Marcus sighed wearily. "Don't worry about it, Harvey."

A tense silence descended on the room, before Katie broke it by suggesting they move to the kitchen for a spot of breakfast.

Breakfast had temporarily eased the tension that had been brewing between Harvey and his brother.

Katie had suggested that Donna join her in prepping breakfast, and Harvey, being the only one in the room who'd been subjected to her "cooking", hadn't been able to resist a dig.

"Katie, are you sure about that? Because I have two words for you. Shrimp. Cocktail."

Donna glared at him, "That was one time."

"One time too many. There's a reason we call it that god awful dinner party, you know."

"No, that is not why we call it that!" Indignation colored his girlfriend's tone, as she reached up to smack him from across the counter. "That was because of the company we were entertaining that night, and you know it."

"No, that is what I had you believe," Harvey said, catching her hand and squeezing it playfully. "I kept the part about the shrimp to myself."

"You're walking on thin ice, mister," she wagged her finger at him. "I'd be careful, or that godawful dinner will be the only dinner you've ever had at my place."

He grinned, "That's alright. We can just eat at mine."

She rolled her eyes, and then turned to Katie, her expression sheepish, "He's not wrong, though. Cereal and toast are really the extent of my breakfast abilities."

Katie laughed, pulled out a loaf of bread and winked, "You're in luck then. We're having toast."

Donna laughed, took the bread from her, and moved towards the toaster.

Harvey watched the scene unfold, a lightness filling his heart at the way Donna just fit in with his family.

"Sap," his brother said, kicking him lightly from his perch next to him.

"You're one to talk," he returned, looking pointedly at his brother.

The women soon declared breakfast ready, and Donna stepped around the counter and took the stool next to his, while Katie stayed behind the counter

Katie and Marcus then filled them in on what was going on with their own jobs, while Donna regaled them with stories of their colleagues in the firm. Louis, included.

And for the first time, Harvey didn't feel a ripple of irritation at hearing the man's name. It was easy to see why.

Donna was Louis' secretary, but she was his everything.

Nothing Louis said or did could bother him anymore. He wouldn't let it. He and Donna knew where they stood in each other's lives, and to him that was all that mattered.

He was about to contribute a story of his own, when they heard the front door of the house crash open, and an angry voice echoed into the room.

"Where is he?"

"Shit," Marcus said, his face turning ashen, as he jumped off the stool. Before he could reach the door, however, the owner of the voice had stepped into the kitchen.

Bobby.

Harvey stood up, and heard Donna gasp next to him.

"You son of a bitch," Bobby said, moving towards where he and Donna were standing. Harvey felt Donna stiffen next to him, and he narrowed his eyes, stepping forward and planting himself between the intruder and Donna.

"Bobby, hey. Now's not the time," Marcus said, his arm pushing against the man's shoulder to stop him from advancing.

The man ignored him, and tried to reach for Harvey's collar, which he batted away. Easily.

Did the man forget he boxed?

"You have some nerve," he growled, and Harvey thought the man looked deranged. "Do you think you can just walk into our lives and rip open old wounds?"

"Your lives? You better get the hell out of my face and watch - very carefully - what you say next, Bobby."

"Yes, our lives. You waltz in here after years, and then not two days into your stay, you break your mother's heart all over again by talking to her the way you did?"

"Bobby, before I punch your face into the ground, I'm going to disabuse you of a few notions. First, she's not my mother. She lost that right the second she got together with you behind dad's back. And second, I didn't waltz in here, I asked Marcus if I could come, and he said yes. He's my brother. You, on the other hand? Are nobody. So, don't you dare group yourself with this family."

"Harvey," Marcus said, shaking his head warningly.

"You presumptuous asshole," Bobby said, stepping even closer into his space. "You're lumping yourself in with this family? You? You haven't been part of this family. You never wanted to be. Until you needed them to hide from whatever problem that brought you running here."

"Bobby!" Katie's voice broke in, shock and anger evident in it.

Bobby glanced at her, "It's the truth, isn't it? He's a selfish asshole, considering how he wasn't there when this family needed him. And in spite of that, Lily was worried for him when she heard he wasn't doing well, and this is what she gets? She'd been looking forward to seeing you," he turned to Harvey again, "And you once again pulled the rug out from under her feet like you did last time at Gordon's funeral. So here's a suggestion, Harvey. This family? It works well without you. So, this time when you leave again, just stay gone."

There was an utter silence at those last words, before Harvey finally broke it, his voice shaking.

"This is all a bit rich coming from you, Bobby," he said, before looking at Marcus. "But you're right. I should never have come here. Because clearly, there's something you haven't told me, Marcus, and the fact that both Lily and this asshole here have accused me of not being there when you needed it, I'm guessing you fell sick again?"

Marcus didn't reply, but Bobby stepped back in stunned surprise, his gaze turning to Marcus, "You never told him?"

"No," Marcus said, finally, looking at Harvey. "I didn't have the strength to fight this cancer and have you guys being at each other's throats all the time."

"Marcus," Katie started.

"No, he wants to know the truth, so he can have the truth."

Harvey flinched at the anger in his brother's tone, but Marcus ploughed on, apparently having been waiting to unload his frustration since this morning.

"You may hate Mom and Bobby, all you want, but they are part of this family just as much as you are. If not more. You walked away. They didn't. Mom helped around the house while Katie drove me to and from chemo, and Bobby helped with the kids. Picking them up from school, helping with their homework. So whatever they are to you, Harvey, they are grandma and grandpa to our kids. While you've been out in New York, living alone in your gilded castle, there's a whole life that we've built here with them that you haven't been a part of."

Pain sliced through Harvey at his brother's words, "Why didn't you tell me you'd fallen sick?"

"I told you. I did it because I didn't want our house turned into a war zone."

"Marcus," Harvey said quietly. "I may have been angry with Lily for everything she did, but you? I love you, and if you couldn't even trust that I would have put my anger aside in your time of need, then you must have a really low opinion of me. I'm your brother, and you chose to keep something this big from me when all I've ever wanted is for you to be safe and happy."

He saw his brother's face turn regretful, "Harvey."

He closed his eyes, shame rippling through him again at everything that had just transpired.

He turned to look at Bobby and gestured to Marcus and Katie, "They're your family. I'm sorry I waltzed in."

He turned to leave.

As Donna watched this horror show unfold, she felt her heart breaking over and over for Harvey.

It hurt her, hearing Marcus defend two people that, despite all they'd done for him over the last year, were still two people who had traumatized his brother for a good long time before he had finally snapped.

She alone knew the real impact and damage that Lily and this man had inflicted on Harvey.

She had also been the one to see Harvey when he'd returned from his father's funeral. How betrayed and hurt he'd felt at seeing Bobby there.

And now, she'd watched him carefully and fearfully when Bobby had stormed in, praying that his emotions wouldn't tip him over the edge. But her heart lurched at the way Marcus had just spoken to him.

When he made to leave the room, however, she followed.

You're not walking away from me like last time, Harvey Specter.

She caught up with him in front of the stairs.

"Harvey," her hand slid under his arm, and he stopped. She looked into his eyes, and felt her heart drop at seeing them filled with pain again.

Eyes that had, only this morning, seemed bottomless in their capacity to hold happiness and joy while he'd moved slowly inside her, loving her, filling her.

He must have sensed her distress, because he gently squeezed her hand, his face softening, "Just give me a little time, alright. I just need to be alone. And then maybe, we need to think about leaving."

"Harvey, we can't just leave…"

"I can't stay here, Donna. You know that."

A noise behind them caught their attention and they both turned to see Katie, who'd followed them, her anxiety for Harvey visible on her face, as well.

"Please don't leave," Katie pleaded with them. "What will I tell Haley when she comes home to find Uncle Harvey and Aunt Donna gone?"

"You can tell her something came up in New York," he replied, although Donna could sense that Katie had struck a chord by mentioning the kids. He sounded half-hearted when he said that.

"Harvey, come on," Donna pressed gently. "You promised Haley five readings tonight. I was there."

"Haley told me about that," Katie interjected. "It was all she could talk about this morning. Please. Don't make me have to lie to her."

"I'll think about it, Katie," his voice was hoarse and resigned.

Donna smiled gratefully at Katie, and then turned back to Harvey. "Ten minutes, alright? Please, don't shut me out."

He nodded and then moved upstairs, leaving her to watch him sadly before she turned towards Katie and followed her back to the living room.

Marcus' face caught her attention now, and Donna knew he was regretting the way he'd just spoken to Harvey.

A little too late.

"How is he?" he asked, stepping forward, his face looking chagrined and anxious.

"He's devastated," Katie answered before Donna could, "I told you then and I'm telling you now. Keeping that from Harvey was a bad idea. He may have stayed away because of Lily, but nothing would have kept him from seeing you if he'd known."

Donna stayed quiet, grateful that Katie appeared to be in their corner. There had to be more to why she was, though, and Donna made a mental note to ask her about it later.

Marcus addressed her now, "I'm sorry, Donna. I never wanted… "

"Oh, I know you didn't. You started acting squirrely when Lily started to say that she was worried about Harvey, considering what had happened before. Harvey assumed she was talking about Gordon and that's when she nearly gave it away, but stopped when she looked at you. You shook your head. Harvey didn't notice that, but I did."

"I didn't know you hadn't told him," Bobby said. "I just assumed…"

He stopped when he saw the look on Donna's face, and stepped back slightly.

"You assumed that he was just a horrible person who didn't care about anything except himself. You had a lot of nerve walking in here today to accuse Harvey of being selfish, when the only reason things didn't get resolved at Gordon's funeral was your own selfishness."

"I…"

"He'd been ready. Back then. To make things right with Lily. Because, after all, he did miss his mother. And when he approached her at the funeral, you should have known better than to interrupt them!"

"I just…"

"It was his father's funeral. You see him finally talking to your wife, which by your claims, is something she'd longed for. And you decide to insert yourself into that moment? Instead of giving them time to talk?"

"I am her husband. Gordon…"

"Yes, Gordon had forgiven you. I heard. Does that mean you also deserved Harvey's forgiveness? Lily is his mother, but you? You're the outsider who took advantage of a young boy's forced silence and continued to sleep with his mother. Is it that hard for you to understand why he might have a problem with you being there? And Lily? She was no help, was she? Instead of understanding why her own son was struggling with seeing you at the funeral, she took your side, forcing a grieving son into a situation he wasn't ready for. All he saw that day were the same two people who made him lie to his father ever since he was eight. "

"What?" Marcus looked stunned. "I didn't know it was that long."

Donna turned to glare at him, "He didn't realize it at first, but he knew something was not right. And in time, it became clear. He tried to shield you and his father from the truth for as long as he could, until he couldn't. And you blamed him for breaking up the family, not realizing how much he had tried not to."

"Donna…"

"Don't. You all continue to act as though he's holding onto his grudge out of pride or selfishness. But, you'd be wrong about that. Because he's wanted to try. And if it wasn't your lack of understanding of just how deep his wounds run because of your mother's and this man's actions, you would know that that's what sets him back every time. So the next time you want to tell him what a wonderful life you built here without him, you think about that. "

She brushed angrily away at a few tears, and glanced at Katie. There were tears in her eyes, as well. Donna returned her gaze to Bobby.

"Your wife had no right to walk in here and make more demands of him after last time. I get that she wanted to see him, but what she did today? That's just what she's always done, forcing Harvey to do what she wanted."

"Donna, look…," Marcus said, reaching for her arm, but her eyes widened in warning and he dropped his hand.

"I'm not finished, Marcus. You accused him of living alone in a gilded castle. But he isn't alone. He has a family there. One that he's built to make up for the one he struggles to be part of. They may not be related by blood, but they are just as much his family, as you are."

Donna shook her head, and left the room.

She needed to be with Harvey.

Author's Notes: Going into this chapter, I did my best to be cognizant of where Harvey was mentally at that point, and hopefully that came through. I'd love to know what you all thought.

Reviewers get to help Darvey resolve their conflict over which reality show to watch for their night in: a binge through of Survivor for Harvey or Marie Kondo for Donna.