Hey guys! Damn, it's been a while, but since everything in my uni is distance learning now, it's hard to do anything else on my laptop without feeling too bad. I hope you enjoy this new chapter. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you how long it'll take me until I'll post again! So sorry - honestly!

There is something else, we can all do together if you want, though! ;) I've made a Playlist for this fanfiction on Spotify, the same name as the fanfiction, and you are all welcome to add songs you associate with this and with Val and Cyo! I hope it does work! Just add the following after the / in Spotify. playlist/0bGVkTP3yn1Xa53uhDAQGm?si=k6Ea7YllQiSCm_3PfTlNqw

Can we talk?

For what feels like hours already, I've wandered the forest. The trees are softly swaying in the breeze, their leaves rustling as they clash and fall. My feet make them crack softly, as they move over the ground covered in red and brown. I know exactly what this is - like every single time I return here, I know that it's not real. I know I am safe and that I'm asleep, but I also know that I cannot make myself wake up. I know that I am trapped. During the Games, they locked me in the arena, and now, even though my body is back home, my mind can't seem to escape it.

The arena changes with the real world. I first noticed a few months ago when autumn first hit District 12, when it got colder again, the unbearable heat of summer drowned out by the fierce winds and the changing colors of nature. The arena that had been green and terribly hot before now got cooler too, got colorful. Now we are anticipating the first snow of the winter and the arena is, too. Most of the leaves are brown and dried out already.

When I'm thrown back in here, I usually just wander - lost and lonely. But that's what I'm hoping for, really. The alternative is more than disturbing. Sometimes I meet them here - the other tributes - and it feels like it's getting worse every time. Sometimes I have to watch them die all over, but most of the time they are very much alive.

Suddenly the trees thin out and I step out into the open. The sound of water makes me look up and my eyes dart from the peaceful river further up. Oh, no... The Cornucopia reflects the sunlight in all directions, shimmering and glistening. But that's not what makes me hesitate. It's the people standing around it in a circle each on their little podium. Reluctantly, I step forward and wade through the river, moving slowly toward the gathering.

As I come closer, the girl closest to me whirls around on her platform, blonde hair ripping the air apart like a whip. Instantly I stop. There's a smile on Val's face as she steps off and starts walking in my direction. It's off-putting and misplaced considering the state she is in. It's cold here, it's early December after all, but Val is only wearing what she wore on that very last day, on the day she died. My eyes fixate on the knife piercing her heart, only the handle visible. The cuts on her arms and chest are still bleeding, red dripping down to her fingers and pants as she is walking.

Only when she stops right in front of me, I look up and her eyes meet mine. They are just like I remember, deep blue but now I can no longer see the waves of the oceans clashing within them. They are dull and empty, the light has left them. The cut right underneath her left eye is way too vibrant for her drained and colorless skin. Eventually, she opens her mouth and softly says, "We've been waiting for you..." Val grabs my hand with hers tightly. It's cold and bloody, but I don't pull back. I know it's no use. "Come on..." she continues, "Don't just stand there."

She drags me along, the Cornucopia coming closer. Weapons, food, and bags are still sitting there, waiting for someone to fight over them. As we come closer, the other tributes start stepping off their podiums as well. The first few we pass are some of those who died in the bloodbath. I've never really talked to any of them before the Games. Kalina and I have mostly kept to ourselves, so they stay silent as we pass them. Only now I realize that is because I don't even know or remember the sound of their voices. All of this is happening in my head and what I don't know cannot happen.

Absentmindedly, I follow Val past them. But then I stop dead in my tracks, my heart skips a beat and I can do nothing but stare - horrified, guilty. I swallow hard, the tug on my hand stops as Val comes to a halt next to me. "What is it?", she asks, as if nothing at all were wrong here.

I don't turn to her. I can't take my eyes away from the sight before me. Ayla is standing there, a slim cut on her throat indicating where Val's knife has cut her open. It's barely bleeding, but still very visible. She stares at me in silence, holding Conan's hand tightly. Conan... poor kid. Bloody bitemarks, skin turned purple and blue, tears running down his face. Eyes just as empty as Ayla's, as Val's. Quickly I look up to face Ayla again and mumble, "Ayla... I'm sorry this happened."

She opens her mouth briefly but only produces a gurgling sound, giving up her attempt to speak quickly. I blink at her in confusion. Why is she not saying anything? I clearly remember her voice, I've spoken to this fake version of her before. I've seen her in the arena countless times. Hesitantly, I turn to Val and quietly ask, "Why is she not talking to me?"

Val sideglances at Ayla before clearing her voice. "Well... I am afraid I cut her vocal cords. She can no longer use her voice. Sorry about that... but on the other hand, she doesn't like me anyway. This way she, at least, can't insult me anymore."

I turn to Ayla again for a moment and she glares at Val, pulling Conan closer. Then she glares at me, probably upset that I am not defending her, but I'm too stunned to say anything. This is new... and I don't like it one bit. Soon I feel the soft tugging on my hand again and I let Val pull me away from the tributes from District 7 and over to the side of the Cornucopia.

A girl is sitting there, frail and thin, long dark hair in a simple braid. Her hands are shaking slightly as she tries her best to tie her shoelaces, but when we come closer, she stops and looks up. There is blood all over her jacket. The source is obvious: A gaping wound on her throat, cut open clean from ear to ear. Kalina.

This time it's Val who stops and she sighs before she turns from Kalina to face me. "About her, I am really sorry, Cyo... I wish she could still talk to you - or to me... or anyone for that matter. She seems nice enough." Kalina tries a small smile, but it looks more like a grimace on her pale, slim face. I bite down on my bottom lip for a moment, then shake my head.

"It's okay, Val... This is not real." I know it doesn't do anything, that it doesn't matter, but I now turn back to fake Kalina anyway and say, "I sometimes see your mother when I take Lys and Milo to school. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her, yet. I'm really sorry..." I remember the day ahead of me and realize that I'll never have the opportunity to talk to her. That I have wasted all my chances. "Scratch that 'yet', Kalina... I'm sorry, I never talked to you mom."

Now the smile on her face is more genuine, but I don't feel better about it at all. A voice from inside the mouth of the Cornucopia makes me look away from her and Val turns her head too. "What's up, kid? Can't reach that?"

I feel Val's hand tighten around mine and she picks up the pace again, dragging me along to the opening. The other careers are standing there. Val's District partner is holding something small - a bracelet probably - over his head, just high enough that the kid from District 4 cannot reach it. Val's voice is harsh and demanding as she lets go of my hand and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "Knock it off, Arius!"

Now Arius, right yes... that's his name, I remember from watching the Games, trains his eyes on Val and drops the bracelet. The boy from District 4 catches it mid-air and instantly steps back from the older boy. I notice now, that Arius is soaking wet from head to toe and impaled by a spear. Only the tip and a few inches of the metal are visible, sticking out of his stomach.

Arius starts grinning and walks over to Val, stopping in front of her. "Oh, look! Our little leader made it back inside!" He stares her down intensely before he adds venomously, "You weren't this concerned when you betrayed us! Clearly, you didn't even fucking care that you killed me... and Emmy!" He gestures behind him wildly at the girl from 1, also wet all over.

Val doesn't back down, she stares back. "I don't care... you're right! You would have had to die anyway... all of us would have." Now she grins and looks at her alliance, specifically at Rex who glares at the both of us menacingly. Then she turns around and faces me again. "See... Rex would have protested right now, but thankfully you ripped his throat out. He can't talk either... can no longer be a huge pain in the ass."

I swallow again and look at Rex now. The spear is still embedded in his throat, blood oozing from the wound. His eyes are dead, he is dead... but he still stares at me from the back of the Cornucopia. A shiver runs down my spine and suddenly I feel like the temperature has dropped again. I can't look at Rex any longer... I just can't! Instantly I turn and I bolt - away from the Cornucopia and towards the river until a small hand holds me back by the arm. It feels like ice, spreading the cold through my whole body, shaking me to my very bones and core.

"Please... don't go so soon!" Val's voice is desperate and as I turn, I see that she is crying. It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I hate it here. I hate all of this. I have this urge to comfort her, but this is not Valeria. Valeria is dead... and I am asleep.

Oh, believe me... she loved you too. More than anything, more than us and... more than life.

Abigail's voice echoes in my head as I stare at this version of Valeria, this version that my own mind makes me see. Her grip is firm on my arm and the pleading look hasn't yet left her dull eyes.

Slowly I shake my head and calmly state, "No, you are not Valeria... I loved her and Val loved me. She loved me so much that she did sacrifice herself - just so I can leave this godforsaken arena. Val would never keep me here."

Slowly the fingers wrapped around my wrist loosen and Valeria's hand drops. I stare at her as she stops crying and just looks at me.

Quietly she stutters, "I... I'm so sorry." And for a split second, the light returns to her eyes, the spark. For only a moment they are, once again, oceans on a stormy day. They are the sky before a thunderstorm. And they are the last thing I see before everything disappears and I wake up, staring at the ceiling. It's not as dark as I expected in the room, so I get out of bed. My hands are trembling as I pull back the curtains to reveal a landscape dunked in purple and pink, welcoming a new day.

In only a few hours I'll be on the train. I'll go to District 11. This is the start of my so-called Victory Tour. With a deep breath, I let go of the curtains and step back from the window. Quickly I make my way into the bathroom and take a shower. I grab the first things that I can find in my closet to wear. Portia will change that anyway... Portia. That's probably the only thing I'm looking forward to. I really did miss her.

Nobody's awake yet. No wonder, the boys don't have to go to school and the shops stay closed. The Victory Tour is mandatory to watch on TV, just like the Games. For the next 14 days Panem is 'celebrating'... or at least it should have been 14 days, but it will only be ten until we reach District 2, until we will end this once and for all.

For a moment, I pause in the hallway, but I don't feel like eating or drinking anything. I feel sick after what just happened. I feel uneasy after being so close to Val and still knowing I've lost her. Automatically my hand darts to my chest and I close my fingers around the little crescent moon. Carefully I brush my thumb over the metal, warm because of my body heat unlike the icy fingers holding mine in my dream.

I look down, shaking my head. I need to be strong today and for the next ten days... I owe it to her. The hallway is illuminated, suddenly, by the first rays of sunlight filtered through the windows. This is my last day in District 12 and I all at once am painfully aware that it's not just my last day before the tour but probably ever.

Without a second thought, I grab my jackets and put the first pair of shoes I can find on. Quietly I open the front door and slip outside. The wind is cold and merciless, the first harbinger of winter. I put my hands in my pockets and just start walking, quickly leaving Victor's Village behind. The streets are mostly empty but not totally. Some people cross my path as I'm walking through the merchant's section.

I know there is no need to hurry, but pick up my pace gradually anyway. Soon enough I find myself in the Seam. The dirty ground is frozen steady and it's a stark contrast to the mud you stumble through in the summertime. Only when I see smoke between a few little cottages, I stop. Hesitantly I pass between the two closest to the path, only to find about seven people gathered around an open fire heating up some goat's milk in a pan for the children. The sight makes me crack a smile. It's calming that the people still care about each other and help each other out - even though they don't have much.

I'm about to turn on my heel and leave again when one of the little girls spots me and smiles. She instantly addresses me, "Do you want to come and stand with us? The fire is so warm." Her invitation makes the others aware of my presence and they turn to face me as well. Not too sure about what to do, I look around, but nobody seems to have a problem with me joining them, so I close the gap between myself and the group and briefly murmur, "Thank you..."

The woman standing next to the girl pulls her closer and says in a low voice, "It's very kind of you to think of others, Rosie."

The girl smiles proudly and gazes into the flames. I can't help but look at her and think about how old she might be. She's small and thin... the careers could snap her like a toothpick. I eye up the fire for a moment, before I ask the woman, "How old is she?"

She turns from her daughter to me, the smile growing sadder, worry in her eyes. "Eight already... turning nine before next July." What she meant to say with that, of course, is turning nine before the next reaping.

I shake my head briefly and sigh. "You'll never have to fear July ever again. Nobody will." I know that they understand. Practically everybody here in District 12 is in on the plan. Us four victors made sure of it during those past months.

The man heating the milk now pours it into four tin cups and hands it out to the kids in our little circle. They are overjoyed with such a small thing... The woman makes sure, Rosie doesn't burn herself with her milk. Then she looks at me again and nods. Barely above a whisper, she utters, "Good luck."

I start sucking on the insides of my cheeks as I nod. Luck - That's something I am in dire need of. One last look at Rosie is enough to reassure me that it needs to be done. It's dangerous for the people, it's dangerous for the victors and it's also dangerous for me. But not doing it is even worse. I clear my voice and say, a little louder than before, "Thank you for inviting me, Rosie. Have a good day." The girl flashes a happy grin at me before I leave.

Back home I close the door as quietly as when I left, but this time there is someone else already up. Mace comes out of the kitchen and watches me take off my jacket and boots. I'm not surprised when a man's voice calls out, "Who is it, Mace?"

She turns slightly and responds, "It's just Cyo..." When I follow my sister I see Gale Hawthorne sitting by the kitchen table. He has probably stayed the night, as he sometimes does since he started going out with Mace. They are the same age and were already close in school, but Gale always seemed to be interested in Katniss. But ever since she has married Peeta, Gale has opened up to different perspectives and the two of them just seemed to be a perfect fit. Mace certainly does look happier now.

I take a seat too and quickly look at the clock. In about half an hour I'll probably have to leave already. Gale has been a huge help with spreading the word and it makes me feel a bit better - knowing that he is here to take care of my family, to make sure they'll make it. He taps his fingers on the table lightly as he says, "Are you okay?"

I just nod. "I guess so... nervous. But it will get better." He nods too, reassuring. That's when I hear steps on the stairs and the rest of the family makes their way into the kitchen, led by two little boys who are way too energetic for the time of day.

We just sit around the table and talk until there's a knock on the door. Everyone pauses and Mace is the first to react and gets it. I follow her right away and find Portia standing there, smiling as she sees us. "Good morning."

I smile too and hug her right away. "Hey, Portia. I missed you - for real."

"I did miss you as well, Cyo." Her long lashes flutter like wings when she blinks and like people from the Capitol always do when they come here, she looks out of place. "I convinced Effie to stay on the train... but I promised to fetch you and Haymitch quickly. So we should go. I'm sorry."

I nod slowly and turn around. Everyone has come into the hallway by this point and I start by hugging my little brothers goodbye. They don't really understand the weight of this, but I pull them as close as possible. "I love you two little monkeys..."

Lysander is the one to respond before they let go. "You'll have to tell us everything about the other districts when you get back."

When you get back. I swallow but nod. "Of course..." Next up is my mother. She steps closer and pulls me into her arms in an instant. It feels like right when I returned almost six months ago. I hold her tight and whisper, "I love you, mom..."

She buries her face in my shoulder for a second before I hear her say, voice trembling, "I love you, Cyo... take care."

I feel the hesitation, but eventually, she lets go and steps back to take the boys upstairs. My stepfather follows them with his eyes briefly before returning his gaze to me. I'm not sure what to do. He has changed quite a bit over the past months, has stopped being so violent, and treated my mother right. I sigh before holding out my hand for him to shake. "Protect them, will you?"

Almost as if a bit relieved, he takes my hand and grabs it firmly but briefly. "I will. Thank you." It sounds genuine. After telling me this he follows the others upstairs. Gale just nods at me once before disappearing into the kitchen, but that's all he needs to do for me to understand.

When I turn around again, I'm face to face with my sister. First I only look at her, but then we almost crash into each other, holding on tight. Mace knows that this is goodbye. Her voice, however, is not sad and broken like I expected. It's strong and clear, hopeful, "I know you can do this. We all can."

As we part again, I look into her eyes. "We can. I love you, Maisy. Never forget that."

She smiles and tousles my hair. "I love you too, little brother."

We both know that these are most likely the last words we'll ever exchange. And if you know that, they might as well be meaningful. Finally, I let go of my sister completely and follow Portia outside. Haymitch is saying goodbye to Katniss and Peeta in front of their house and joins Portia and me a moment later. I shoot one last look at them as well, but I don't walk up to talk to them. I wouldn't know what to say anyway. Instead, we walk back to the train, and once again, I raise my hand up to hold onto Valeria's necklace.