Okay here's the latest! Hope everyone celebrating Memorial Day is having a great long weekend. Thanks as always for the reviewage! This segment also took on a life of it's own and proved kinda painful to write but I hope it's enjoyed. Take as you will, more to come soon! :)
"Bear, you come inside too?", Farrah chirped up at Saul, holding both his and Carrie's hands as they walked up to the front door.
"So long as I'm invited, sure."
Nodding, Carrie unlocked the front door and Farrah quickly ran past her, through the foyer towards the stairs.
"Where are you going?"
"Show Marvin my room!"
Watching closely as she ran up the steps, Carrie couldn't help but laugh. Eyes misting up she walked over to the living room with Saul, sat on the couch.
"I missed that."
"Well, now you have it all back, thank God.", Saul smiled, squeezing her hand.
"And I'll be damned if it, if she's, taken from you again."
Smile fading, Carrie let out a nervous sigh.
"Saul what about Khaliq? What if he-"
"Hey, the bastard may have gotten away from us once, but we'll get him. It's only a matter of time. You know it."
"I'm more worried about what will happen once we do."
"What do you mean?", Saul frowned.
"I mean Farrah wants to see him. When she woke up at the hospital she asked me to track him down. I think she's convinced he was as much of a victim in all this as she was. She's scared for him, not of him."
"Well, when we do track him down we'll get answers. See if Farrah's right or if the fucker had her duped all along. Either way though she'll be protected. Now that we know what we're up against."
"Who we're up against though is still Farrah's brother, Saul. She couldn't have been older than five when he left but she remembered him enough to go with him at the parade. She trusted him. She still does. He's her family and she loves him."
"She loves you though too, Carrie. And you didn't see her face in that church basement when her goddamn family, when Samir, was holding her in a vice grip, held a fucking gun to her head."
"Oh my God."
Regretting letting that fact slip, Saul kept holding the hand Carrie hadn't clasped over her mouth.
"I'm sorry. But it's better you know what we're dealing with. Khaliq could be the saint Farrah says he is or he could easily follow in his big brother's footsteps. It's too soon to tell, but my gut's saying we should keep our eyes open."
Nodding, working to get that horrible image of Farrah out of her mind, Carrie lowered her hand, spoke.
"I know though she's going to ask about him. She's not fond of letting things go."
"Seems you've rubbed off on her a bit."
"At least she knows when to listen, follow orders. If she hadn't I don't know how she'd have gotten out of there alive.", she sighed, blinking back tears.
"She did good. She's tough, feisty. She even left us a clue as to where to find her."
"What do you mean?"
"Virgil found a popcorn trail. Right outside the church where she was being held. He remembered her wanting the popcorn at the parade, pieced it together."
"Holy shit!", Carrie exclaimed, a proud gleam in her eyes. "Remind me to buy her a rabbit or a pony. A lifetime supply of popcorn. Whatever she fucking wants.", she laughed.
"I'd go with a rabbit if I were you.", Saul chuckled, reaching into his back pocket for some folded sheets of paper.
"Here, she had these folded up in her pocket. Must've drawn them when she was being held. Thought you'd want to have them."
Taking the drawings, unfolding them Carrie laughed seeing the rabbit, smiled at the stick figures of her, Brody and basically everyone who'd been with them at the hospital, but frowned seeing another stick figure she recognized as the central drawing on her art room pinboard.
"Carrie what is it?"
Handing over the sheet, she sighed as he swore under his breath.
"She wouldn't have drawn him if he wasn't significant, Saul. If he wasn't important. Like I said he's her big brother. She loves him."
"He's still a kidnapper, Carrie. That's who he is. That's who he always will be to you."
Even though Saul was right, the way he'd worded his statement set Carrie's teeth on edge.
"Fuck, talk about deja'vu.", she snorted, his words to her in the hall that godawful day at Langley ringing again in her ear.
"Tell me, how long are we going to dance around this goddamn elephant in the room, Saul?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Rolling his eyes Saul shook his head, clearly agitated this had to be brought up now.
"I held off on doing anything with him or to him, on account of Farrah being gone and you-"
"Not being in my right mind?"
Carrie asked bitterly.
"What, you can say it. I wasn't. I flashed back to being in Baghdad, Saul. Before I knew it I was right back there. I was so fucking scared I couldn't even talk!"
Squeezing her hand again reassuringly, Saul looked on sadly, sympathetically as she teared up.
"And then you saw what followed it."
"The PTSD. It what, sent you into a flight?"
"Well my lack of meds played a part."
"Lack of, goddammit! Carrie, did you...?"
Nodding she shrugged, knowing she ought to look and feel more ashamed. But she didn't. She'd accomplished her goal. Farrah was upstairs in her room. That was all that mattered.
"I did what I needed to do, Saul. And it paid off. Farrah's home with me. She's safe."
"You still put yourself through that intentionally.", Saul scolded.
"It worked though didn't it? Jesus, I was desperate. I had to do something besides sit by the fucking phone. Going off the meds was my last resort though, okay? Trust me, it's not going to be a habit."
"Okay, Carrie. Okay."
"And Brody was there for me too, the whole time."
"It's the fucking least he could do after he put you through it himself.", he scowled as Carrie rolled her eyes.
"You know it's strange how somehow I've worked past this but for the life of you you still can't!"
"For you to expect anything less of me, Christ. You still don't know a goddamn thing."
Shaking his head he dropped her hand, stood up.
"Just so I'm clear, is this how it's going to be from now on? I mention Brody's name and immediately I'm shut out?", Carrie asked, trying her best not to get choked up.
"I don't deserve that, Saul. He doesn't deserve that."
"He..? He doesn't deserve...", Trailing off Saul shook his head in disbelief.
"He doesn't deserve one damn thing from you. Not one. Not after he fucking tossed you aside, landed you in that godforsaken hospital bed.", he spat bitterly.
"He's the only thing that kept me out of that bed the past four days! Brody made sure that I ate a decent meal, that I slept. He interpreted my theory, took the time to understand it, made sure I took my meds, compared notes with my sister, held my hand after everyone tried to convince me I was wrong."
Coming to a realization Carrie paused, looked at Saul with a mix of triumph and hurt in her eyes that were glistened over.
"He did everything that you did before. And you can't deal with that. You don't want to deal with that. You want everything to go back to the way it was. Before Brody made his grand appearance and everything went to shit!"
"And you're gonna blame me for it? For feeling that way?", Saul scoffed, looking pained.
"If you are then I don't think we have anything left to say to each other."
"How about you say you actually believe me!", Carrie yelled as she stood, blocked his path.
"How about you trust my judgment the way you've claimed to since you recruited me? Sent me into the field alone for the first time? How about you look at the proof that I risked my life for objectively? That makes it crystal clear Brody's not the monster the whole fucking world sees him as!"
Lowering her voice she shook her head, blinked back tears.
"How about you understand that I wouldn't have a damn thing to do with him anymore if I didn't know, for a fact, that he needs me as much as I need him. It's not one-sided, Saul. It's not me holed up beside myself in my bedroom while he's running for fucking Congress. It's not me barging into his hotel room and arresting him, being his goddamn handler. There's balance now with us. Don't ask me how but there is. He and I, we've finally found some fucking peace!"
"Sure, and how long before it all gets blown to hell? Before you two destroy each other? Forgive me if I can't watch that happen for you again.", Saul said bitterly.
"Saul..."
"No, Carrie. You've made yourself, your choice, pretty damn clear. Allow me to do the same.", he sighed as he walked to the door, turned the handle as she tried one last parting shot. Mostly out of desperation.
"Your choice is going to keep a man in hiding for a crime he didn't commit!", Carrie reminded as he turned around.
"You want to stay in denial about Brody, about me? Fine. Ignore his case, ignore me. Seek out justice when it serves your interests. Stick your head in the sand like fucking Estes now that you're at his desk. But know there's a reason I didn't make him my fucking mentor, my fucking anything for that matter."
Wiping her eyes she shook her head, looking defeated despite winning this round.
"I need to check on Farrah. You can show yourself out.", she sighed, turning on her heel before retreating upstairs.