Disclaimer: I own nothing but the general plot and OCs
I forgot to put it last chapter but normal spoken words are in Japanese and underlined words are in English.
A very short chapter that's more like a half chapter. I didn't want it to be in the same one as any secret revealing because it's completely the wrong tone. I had to put this in, because I would genuinely do something like this.
I wanted to put this up about 7 hours ago, but if I post two chapters within 24 hours of each other the second doesn't register and so no one finds it.
Thank you so much for your awesomeness reviews, and for the favs and follows! Let me know what works for you, what doesn't work as well, and any prompts for scenes you'd like.
Chapter 15 - Tou-san?
There was something about feeling love that was like a shot of caffeine to the system. Except... without the cold sweating, insomnia, jitters, and almost painful heart palpitations. Yeah, caffeine and energy drinks really didn't go well with my previous small body.
But that wasn't the point. The point was that the energy boost of such strong feelings of love every time I thought about or saw DFB, and to a slightly lesser extent Gai, reignited something within me that I had honestly forgotten was an integral part of who I was; a troll.
I used the term troll because prankster wasn't quite the right word. What I did was nothing reminiscent of the pranks I remembered watching on the internet, it was purely taking advantage of other people's preconceptions to make myself laugh on the inside.
The thing was, my public face always leaned toward polite, demure, inoffensive, fairly quiet and prone to small sweet smiles or sometimes chuckles (they were not giggles fuck off I didn't giggle), in conversation with others I was notoriously neutral- able to empathise with just about anyone, even if I didn't approve- and even my sense of humour was highly politically correct and tended toward very light teasing remarks at most, or mild self deprecation.
To those who knew me a little better, it became obvious that when I was healthy, I walked through life like it was my own internal joke thanks to the running commentary my mind provided. I took no pleasure in hurting people with my sense of humour, but I had continued to shock and outrage even my closest friends years after they had become mostly inured to the awful things that came out of my mouth. Part of me was aware that once my mental health was back to top form, DFB was going to at least have needed his toe dipped in the water otherwise he would likely be very confronted.
After all, I had a 21st century female's sense of humour. It wasn't going to be tame.
I had no intention of holding myself back, and so when that familiar mischievous urge crept up my spine and curled the corners of my lips, I swiftly gave in. I thought I would start gentle, by recreating some of my fondest memories of my Dad, with DFB, and compare their reactions.
I waited until we were relaxed in the evening, DFB idly playing with the tiny fingers in one hand, and reading Icha Icha in the other. I leaned over.
"Tou-san?" For once I was pleased with my high, sweet child's voice.
"Hmm?" He didn't remove his eyes from the page. I watched his face carefully, a serious expression on my own.
"What's a penis?" With carefully hidden savage satisfaction, I saw his whole body jerk like he'd been electrocuted. His eye bugged out, and a breath wheezed from his lungs with force.
"W-where did you hear that word?" He rasped, looking shell shocked. I tilted my head to the side and frowned uncertainly.
"Mmm I can't remember. I think one of the men in the market said something about a rash and... I don't remember."
A strangled noise escaped him, and he searched the air as though the answer would magically appear before him. Suddenly he deflated, and scraped a hand despairingly through his hair.
"Kami," he muttered under his breath. "... a p-penis is... is... what a man uses to urinate."
I hummed thoughtfully to myself, and nodded once, "is that why it has a hole in the top when it sticks up?"
He wordlessly yelled, looking absolutely horrified, and sat bolt upright, staring at me, "where did you hear that?!"
I looked innocently back, "when we were leaving from our last appointment with Dr. Mukai, one of the medic in trainings was asking about... hmm what was it again?... oh! It was about bacteria getting in through the hole and urinary tract infections."
DFB seemed to melt into the floor, like life wasn't worth living anymore, and groaned in internal agony, covering his eyes as he spoke.
"Noooo, don't do this to me. I was supposed to have years before these questions." He took a deep breath, and explained without lifting his hand from his eyes, in a monotone that didn't quite hide his discomfort, "the hole, when it's... sticking up like that, is so that a fluid inside the man can get inside a woman to make babies. Otherwise, yes it's for urination."
Huh, kudos to him for giving an honest and detailed enough answer. It was... actually remarkably similar to the reply my dad had given. But then he had had the approach that if I was old enough to ask the question, I was old enough to hear the answer. I hadn't expected DFB to be the same.
"Oh, you mean ejaculation!" I exclaimed, helpfully. DFB curled up in a ball of no.
"Why does she know the translation," he whined, "wait of course she has a translation. She has one for every word she's not supposed to know."
With the kind of strength of will I didn't know I had, I shoved the laughter that wanted to burst from me into the pit of my stomach, and maintained my expression. He probably would have seen right through it if he wasn't so horrified by the topic. Watching him on the floor, I took pity on him and left things alone. For now.
"Tou-san?"
"Yes, Su-chan?"
"What's sex mean?"
"No! Oh, Kami, not again!"
"Tou-san?"
"What now?"
"Can I explain the definition of something to you in 'my words' and you tell me the translation in 'your words'?"
"Of course you can."
"It's called BDSM..."
"Tou-San?"
"Wait! Keep your question in mind, I need to do something."
"Okay."
"Gai!"
"Ah, Kakashi and his most youthful blossom! What can I do for you!"
"Subaru has a question she wants to ask, and I have to go... get some milk. You can answer her."
"Of course! I will do my utmost best to quench the thirst of Subaru's curiosity, and fan the flames of her knowledge!"
"Su-chan, Gai will answer your questions from now on."
"Okay, tou-san!"
"Gai?"
"Yes, Little Blossom?"
"What's a period?"
The thing about Konoha society, which I quickly noticed, was that although a good sense of humour was certainly something people enjoyed, it definitely wasn't as desirable as it had been back home. There were approved topics to be joked about, and higher forms involved word play and puns. Humorous art and writing was definitely appreciated, but harmless witty banter wasn't as much of a thing, sarcasm was almost offensive and dry wit barely existed. Additionally, the lower down the classes you went, the more dirty the accepted jokes, and yet the more crass. Shinobi were more inclined to joke and make light of a situation, particularly with a mixture of words and exaggerated body language, but it still wasn't as strong a part of the culture as my old home.
I was surprised, considering humour and comedy was a well known way of taking the horror and sting out of tragedy. Surely in a world in which shinobi were so numerous, wars were so common, and death was around every corner, comedy would have bloomed in order to combat the constant tragedy? Maybe it was a bi product of being part of a dictatorship, where there were certainly higher levels of censorship? Maybe it was the fact that there was much greater solemn respect for the dead and ancestors than where I came from.
There were probably a multitude of reasons, but the upshot of it was that no one was going to fulfil my personal sense of humour but me. And so DFB was just going to have to learn and deal with it. My energy hadn't even picked up enough yet to add in the potty mouth, so there were going to be some things for him to wrap his head around.
Joking about serious topics that I cared about was a useful way of testing the waters of another's attitude toward it. Joking non offensively about homosexuality, or sex, or religion, or race, or gender, when the correct slant or detail was put into the joke, the other person's reaction could be very telling about prejudice they were trying to hide, or didn't even know they had.
It was essentially, an excellent way of controlling a conversation; the flow, the tone, the usually unapproachable topics, without revealing my own opinions, but giving me insight into theirs.
With each awkward question I asked DFB and Gai, it let me know, underneath DFBs dramatic horror, what kind of ideas they had about women. Would they expect me to marry and have children when I grew older, would I be expected to pretend as a female I had no libido when the body matured, would I be able to make dirty jokes without them freaking out on me, would I be able to be open to them about the bodily changes occurring, could I rely on DFB not to to be discomfited about periods when I was older, could I walk around the apartment as a teenager once more in my underwear, would he be confronted by my open appreciation of all genders but lack of desire to touch them?
There was some work to do, I didn't deny that. By the time I was approaching bodily pre teens, I wanted at least DFB to be unflinching in the face of what a mess that was bound to be- I didn't want to hide things and pretend they weren't happening. I hadn't in my original body and I wouldn't now. But all in all, my heart softened at the realisation that mostly, DFB cared more about my mental health and my life than he did about any of that sort of stuff.
He had pre set ideas, yes, but he wasn't stubborn about them, and he was more than willing to learn and adapt if he saw that was what I needed.
"Tou-san?"
"No more, please, no more!"
"Tou-san?" A deep mournful sigh.
"Yes, Su-chan?"
"I just wanted to say I love you."
"A-Aa I love you too, Su-chan."
...
"Also, is Gai your boyfriend?"
Just to make it clear, even with her humour, Subaru barely ever does anything when she's healthy without some rational behind it that she has carefully thought of. There is almost always an angle she's playing even at her most generous.
Poor Kakashi haha, Subaru's gonna do her best to drag him into a semblance of 21st century Western(ish) thinking about a bunch of things because she likes things to be comfortable for herself more than she cares about anyone else's comfort.