OUT OF LUCK

The tale of Tsutana Kichirou

Foreword/Author's Note:

This is a(n adult) love story.

Please keep that in mind when you find yourself surrounded by angst and agony, tragedy and turmoil, violence and viciousness. This tale is dark and twisted, full of pain, but also pleasure. Because every negative thing has a positive counterpart. It will start with a blow to the head, but once you recover from that, you are in for a treat, a story about love and acceptance, innocence and beauty. Of course, this is still a fanfiction* so there is a high chance of fluff and smut and other squeal-inducing things as well.

*This is set in the Naruto universe, a few years before the storyline of Naruto begins. There are, however, no characters in this that you might know. There are only original characters (that truly hate me for the things I do to them).

This story is part one of a three-part-series – where each part will focus on different characters. The reason why I can hopefully pull off uploading this to a fanfiction site is part two (OF THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL), which will feature one of my favorite Naruto-characters: Kakashi. Part three (TITLE NOT FINALIZED) will then combine all of my original characters and then some.

Please note that this story here (OUT OF LUCK) was first published to my deviantART-account in 2011. I edited it quite a bit, though most story elements remained the same. Now, what else to mention? English is not my first language, so if you find any grammatical issues, you know why that is. Also I am a fan of Japanese numbers (and hope you are too). Spoiler alert. Oh, and lemons. I hope you like lemons and boys. But enough of that.

A last warning though: this story contains elements that might be triggering to some. Themes include violence, rape and other traumatizing events. I tried to keep the explicitness down as much as possible, but some scenes will still be a little graphic. There will be a warning before those chapters, don't worry. I hope all the rest of the chapters will balance out those scenes. As of now, I wrote more fluff than I wrote disturbing stuff. That is saying something. Yet I know that bad things will always weigh more than good things... I just hope it won't scare you away. This is a love story after all. And a fanfiction where all dark fantasies will creep out of their hiding spots. As the author I am only a tiny bit ashamed of what dark stuff came to mind while writing this story. If you still think it's too much, please tell me and I hope you can forgive me.

So, now, without further ado: Please enjoy this twisted tale of Tsutana Kichirou!

Prologue: Then

The scenery was beautiful. The cherry trees were in blossom, thousands of sakura petals were floating through the air, as if caught in a tiny whirlwind of warm air. There weren't many things that he would call beautiful. But spring time certainly was one of them. It was the time of birth, of renewal. Everything came back to life. Everything started over new.

He had done that several times in his life. Over and over. Like a petal he had been carried away by the wind, with no destination, no purpose, no home. He had traveled the countries, seen so many things, met so many people. And always, every time again, the wind would carry him away again. Somewhere. Unknown.

Tsutana Kichirou was sixteen years old when the wind decided to leave him behind and let go. Unfortunately for him, he had been floating over a cliff when that had happened. Sometimes, the wind was a bitch.

And he had fallen, without a chance to hold onto anything.

The cherry trees vanished, the blue sky turned black, clouds were covering the stars and the moon, everything fell into darkness. Just like that. It had been no special day, no special time, he had not done anything too much out of the ordinary, when it had happened.

When he fell into the trap.

In that moment, he had recalled his life as a sakura petal. Floating around, being carried away, running, always running away from everything, never settling down. He had remembered that even cherry trees were to completely lose their blossoms at one point or the other. Summer would come and fall and then winter and the cherry tree would remain. And in spring, it would carry new blossoms.

And this time, he would not be one of them. Of that he was sure when the darkness fell.

Chapter 1: Trauma

A/N: Beware of slightly explicit violence and sexual themes. Also: Sorry, Kichirou!

I couldn't see a thing. Not that it was dark around me, I just couldn't see. Feeling the rough fabric of some stinking piece of clothing over my eyes, I'd take a wild guess and say that I was blindfolded. I couldn't move either. I tried. It didn't work. My wrists were tied together behind my back, while my feet lay, held by what felt like a thick rope, in a weird and definitely uncomfortable angle beneath my body. I felt awfully tired and exhausted – every inch of my body was hurting.

But how did I get here? What had happened to me?

Suddenly there were footsteps. Loud and booming. Dangerous. I held my breath in anticipation, always expecting the worse. Something hard hit my thigh. I swallowed the urge to wince. I had to stay strong. Show no emotions. That had been my mantra all my life and all my life it had helped me survive. Yet somehow I had the feeling that it won't save me this time. This time was different. This time… I was screwed.

I could feel the presence of another person next to me. I could hear them breathe. When there was a loud scraping on the floor, I couldn't help it. I flinched.

"Oi, so you are awake, huh, kid?" A booming, male voice echoed through the room. It didn't sound nice. Not nice at all. It was deep and dangerous and had the edge of a smirk in it. I could tell. But that wasn't helping. Neither was the fact that I had never heard that voice before.

That was not a good thing.

"Do you know why you're here, kid?" the voice asked me.

Was I supposed to answer that? Something hard hit my legs again. It hurt. I tried to ignore it. When I didn't answer after another moment, I felt two hands on my waist that lightly picked me up. I felt my legs unfold beneath me as I was lifted into the air. And I felt another rib break when I was thrown through the room against a wall and landed hard on my side. Pain rushed through me and I couldn't help but moan.

I tasted blood.

"What a lovely voice you have… use it some more, okay?" Something hard pressed against my shoulder, rolling me onto my back, before something heavy stomped onto my chest and pushed me down. The pain intensified, but I did everything to not vocalize it. Not for this bastard. "Come on, don't be shy, use your voice!"

Soon I couldn't breathe. The weight upon my chest seemed to make my lungs burst and break even more ribs. Yet somehow I didn't make another sound.

"So you're stubborn, huh? Well, I heard that much about you, kid," the voice boomed over me. "You know, I was really lucky to catch you. You weren't easy to find. Quite the talent, huh?"

When the weight upon my chest was finally being lifted, I coughed, long and hard, before asking, with a voice that sounded nothing like me: "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" I sounded like a little child, fearful, confused, on the verge of tears. And I hated myself for that.

"Oh, he can speak!" Something grabbed my jaw. Fingers. "Well, kid, what do you think I'll do to you? I think you pretty well know why you're here and what I want from you. Come on, you can't be that stupid. Unless it's true that pretty boys aren't that smart."

My jaw was being squeezed and I had to swallow the urge to growl.

"And you know, if I told you my name, I would have to kill you." An icy laughter rang in my ears. "But you know what? That's exactly what I intend to do. So I might as well tell you everything you want to know before I chop you to pieces, kid."

Chop me to pieces? That strange man intended to kill me? Now I knew for sure that I was screwed. Big time. The hand gripping my chin let go and pushed my head against the hard floor. A wave of nausea rushed through me, causing me to cough again. My head began to spin. Oh why am I here?

I flinched badly when I suddenly felt a new weight on me. Not on my chest, but on my hip and legs. As if someone had sat down right on top of me. I held my breath in shock. Show no emotions! Show no emotions! Then I felt fingers on my face and soon after a sharp pain when the blindfold was being ripped off.

I blinked.

The first thing I saw was not the brightly lit room, nor the stone walls or the blood they were covered in. The first thing I saw were the icy blue eyes of the man, who was sitting astride my body's middle region. (As if I was a freaking horse!) Show no emotion… show no… I couldn't help it. The way the man was staring at me caused me the worst goosebumps. And a feeling inside my stomach that made everything worse.

Vulnerability.

The man smirked down at me. "Is that fear I see in those pretty eyes of yours?"

I tried my best to regain my composure. The fact that the weird black-haired man placed his hands on my chest and leaned closer to me wasn't really helping. I swallowed dryly, trying to move away from him without being able to move at all.

"So, let me introduce myself now," the man then said in that low voice of his that made everything worse. "My name is Choukai Misashi, but you can also call me The Chopper."

The Chopper? That didn't sound good. And as if the name alone wasn't bad enough, I suddenly saw a large knife in one of the man's hands. While still looking at me with these damn cold eyes, the man named the Chopper lowered the blade. I couldn't watch. My heart was racing. Now was the perfect moment to panic, wasn't it? It was that moment that I realized that even though I hadn't had the best of lives, I still didn't want to die yet.

And so I pressed my eyes shut.

The ripping of fabric rang in my ears. But only when I felt cold fingers upon my skin, I jerked my eyes open again. WHAT THE…? My jaw dropped in disgust when I realized that the man with the knife had cut open my shirt. Seriously? What kind of sicko was this guy? And now he was running his damn hands over my bare chest! What the hell, man!

"You're excited, huh, kid?" the other man said with a smirk while pressing his palm upon my chest as if feeling for my heartbeat. "That's a nice sound… I'd say enjoy it while you can."

Suddenly panic rose. It made me shiver from deep within. It wasn't even a numbness, it was a cold that spread through my entire body. The realization that this was the end hit me with full force. Despair made me choke on my own breath. I don't want to die… I don't want to die like this…

And to make things worse, I watched helplessly how the man lifted the knife once again and…

I felt it before I saw it. The cold blade that ran almost smoothly through my skin, through my cells, through my muscles, deep into me. At first it was cold, then heat spread and heat turned into an excruciating burning that made my vision blur. I coughed in pain, hiding the scream that had been stuck in my throat, when the knife was being pulled out of my stomach again.

"You'll die today, kid," I heard the man whisper somewhere close to my ear. I kept my eyes closed, hoping if I didn't see him, he would go away. Like a foolish child. "And I'll be your murderer. You will bleed for what you have done."

What I have done? There was a short moment where I recalled everything I had ever done wrong in my life. There was a lot, but nothing, absolutely nothing justified my death. It seemed that I had just ran out of luck entirely, meeting the wrong person at the wrong time at the wrong place. Sometimes, everything came together like that. Sometimes, life could be a real bitch.

And there I was, still conscious enough to feel the burning pain in my stomach, while a tiny voice in the back of my head was yelling: Show no emotion! Don't give up! Yet another voice, much more prominent than the other, slyly whispered to me: Forget it. There's no escaping this crazy guy. He'll torture you to death. You know it. So make it easier for yourself and just give in…

And as I was considering which voice to follow, I felt myself being lifted up. The strain on my stomach made the wound hurt even more. I felt blood running down my abdomen. Opening my eyes groggily, I saw how I was pushed towards a table. As my hands were bound behind my back I had no chance to prevent tumbling against the wooden edge. My vision went black for a moment when my wounded stomach hit the table. The pain rushed through every nerve and I couldn't help but yelp like a beaten dog. I feel so pathetic…

My face hit the table, and I ended up lying on my viciously throbbing stomach, bent over like a piece of meat ready to be butchered. I had no idea what was going on behind me. Then I felt how my feet were being untied, reminding me that my legs felt like they were made out of pudding. Mhmm, pudding. As one side of me got distracted by a sweet memory, another one wondered why the weird man would untie my feet. When I felt two hands moving towards my waistband, it dawned on me.

I wasn't naïve. I knew what twisted evil existed in the world. I had just never experienced it firsthand.

And this realization of what was about to happen was like a hammer to the head. That was the last straw. That was when my panic turned into hysteria. My lungs were already aching from hyperventilating, my heart was beating so fast in my chest that it felt as if it would jump out and through the table at any second. I bit my lip in utter desperation when I felt my pants sliding to the ground.

Oh dear Gods, why me?

I have never been the religious type of person, but in this very moment, I would have done anything to prevent what was to come from happening. Anything!

"Please!" Even begging. My voice sounded hoarse and way too high, but I didn't care anymore.

"What was that?" There was a face next to mine, cheek pressed against cheek, while a heavy body was pinning me to the table, causing the pain in my chest and abdomen to explode once more. I coughed hard, tasting blood, feeling even more horrible. "Did you say something?"

I swallowed. Not only my fear, but also my pride. "Pl-please don't do… that," I muttered.

"Do what?" came the reply and with that there was a new pain that made me cry out in shock and distress. The man leaned back a little and grabbed my hair brutally, while his other hand was literally glued to my butt. Seriously. I did not want to think about what exactly that guy was doing. I have never been a fan of details!

And even though it was very difficult to ignore the finger inside of me, I gritted my teeth when the man turned my head forcefully around to look at him. Our eyes met. Those icy blue eyes… I would definitely never forget those. If I ever was to escape this humiliating torture…

"Say, kid," the man suddenly addressed me. "Do you have anything to say other than begging for your life like a pathetic little boy?"

I swallowed hard when the movement of the man's finger made a wave of pain run through my nervous system. "Why… why are you doing this to me?"

"I was paid, kid," the man replied and abruptly let go of my hair which caused my head to fall onto the table with a smack. The pain epicenter moved for a moment. "You did something wrong to somebody and this somebody was not amused and asked me to get rid of you. And when that somebody pays the right amount of money, I will do anything. And when there's the bonus of beating up a pretty little boy like yourself, well, then I will also do it with a smile."

What a sick bastard! I couldn't even describe the turmoil within me. I felt so many things at once, so many emotions, so much physical pain, so much confusion and fear and panic, it all led to the conclusion that this was the end. This must be the end. There was no escaping the hands of this crazy psycho killer.

Literally.

I gasped when I felt another wave of pain mixed with something else rush through me. The gasp turned into a dry cough when the man suddenly let go of me. Not without slapping my butt cheek brutally. Oh please let this end soon…

"So, kid," I heard his voice from a distance now. "Any more questions before we come to the fun part?"

"What did I do?" I whispered hoarsely, staring helplessly at the concrete wall behind the table, trying not to think about the fun part. Even though my feet were untied now, I had absolutely no strength to move them. It wouldn't do anything anyway.

"What you did?" The man was standing behind me again. "Well, let's just say you pissed off the wrong person."

"But what exactly did I do?"

"You really don't remember?" There was an icy edge to the other man's voice. And something like a smirk. I also heard the rustling of clothes – making me expect the worst once again. "Maybe you'll remember when I pound some sense into you!"

I had not expected this...

It wasn't the wording that made me scream in anguish, it was the fulfillment of those words. In that moment I wished for another stab in the stomach, maybe some cuts or punches to the face or anything for that matter, anything but the excruciating pain and the pressure that seemed to rip my entire body apart. I had never felt this vulnerable, this helpless, this… pained. There were stars dancing in front of my vision, stars and absolute darkness and some spots of red. Red like blood…

I tried to bit my lip, anything to keep the sounds inside, anything to distract me from what was happening, even hopelessly hoping that it would be over soon, but of course it wasn't. It kept going, the man kept going, true to his words, so true to his words. This bastard… The feeling was too intense to digest. It made me scream and moan and actually cry. I could feel hot tears streaming down my face, while I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to bury my agonized face in the plain surface of the table. When I was about to pass out, I was so close, so close to sweet release, to where it would all be over… I felt my hair being gripped forcefully. My head was lifted off the table and an arm snaked around my chest and actually held me upright, making the pain that filled me up even worse.

Then there was a face next to mine. And a voice. Heavy breathing. Hissing into my ear. "Don't you dare faint on me, kid. That was not the plan!" The man's voice sounded rougher than before, very animalistic. And by the way he was moving his body against mine, he felt like the wildest animal on the planet. And I, the victim, was the prey, not only cornered, but at the mercy of a crazy person. Who wouldn't even allow me to faint.

This was hell. Absolute hell.

And I had no idea how I had gotten here.

Maybe it had been a mistake? Maybe the Chopper was hired to torture and kill someone else? Maybe I could still walk out of this, if he realized his mistake. Really? Are you that naïve? By the way, there won't be much walking in the next hours or days anyway… Oh the images… As if feeling it wasn't enough. But wasn't it worth a try? Didn't I have to try everything to get out of this hell? I couldn't just give in that easily. I wasn't a quitter, I never have been!

"Hey…" I groaned in between the loud moans of my violator. "Wait… please… just a…" The pain was never subsiding, it actually got worse the more movement was rippling through me. I kept crying out and I didn't even care anymore what noises the man made me do. I was already past that.

"What?" the man grunted into my ear as he pulled my body into an almost standing position. Oh dear Gods… it could get even worse… The stars were back, dancing nauseatingly in front of my inner eye.

The new position made speaking even harder than before. "Are… are you s-sure… that…"

Suddenly, the man stopped moving. The pain was still thumping through my body. And the pressure inside me was unbearable, even more so when it didn't move. I coughed.

"Speak up, kid!" the voice boomed into my ear.

I was still coughing when I felt a hand grabbing my jaw. There was pure anger on the other man's face. The eyes were mere slits, his eyebrows pulled together violently, and the growl was almost vibrating off his lips.

I looked up, feeling yet again like a helpless child. I probably looked like it too. "Are… are you sure you have... the right one... to get rid of?"

Suddenly the anger was gone and laughter replaced it. "Are you freaking serious, kid?"

I blinked.

"And you're asking this now?" The booming laughter echoed painfully in my ears, resonating through my entire body like a shock wave. "You're some tough kid, honestly. But I have to disappoint you, unless you are not..." He paused for extra effect, eyeing me. "Tsutana Kichirou."

And with that, just like that, everything fell apart. And I couldn't even hide it. Misery washed over me, misery and fear and pain and despair. There was no turning back. My last hope collided onto me. Brutally. I was done for.

Before this very day, it had been everything I truly owned, the only thing I could really call my own: my name. I never had much, living from hand to mouth, never settling down, but I had the memory of a family and a name they had given me. I was Tsutana Kichirou and today marked the day that I hated the fact that I had been so proud of that name.

"I've made my homework, kid." The man behind me laughed darkly, before he began moving again, stressing every word he said with a deep thrust that made me cry out every time. "Never, ever tell me that I made a mistake ever again!"

Slowly, ever so slowly, I became numb. It all ends today… I felt cold as the man pushed my torso back onto the table, as his hands gripped my hips brutally, as he kept pounding into me like he had said what felt like a very long time ago, as the movements got faster, as the pain turned into an unpleasant coldness, as I closed my eyes and waited.

I had no idea for how long this continued. I couldn't feel anything anymore.

When the man let out an animalistic groan, pushing one last time with full force into me, the darkness before my eyes turned into a whiteness tinged with red. A fire that filled me up completely, a burning that shot through every nerve of my body, one last time, reminding me that I was still alive somehow. My heart was racing inside my chest, while my lungs were yearning for air. And suddenly the pressure was gone. The pain remained. It echoed like a throbbing soreness through my body. I didn't even notice how I was pushed off the table and landed on my side. I couldn't feel anything but the throbbing pain…

Why ain't I dead yet?

Darkness fell. But it wasn't over.

Images flashed before my eyes, like lightning in a thunder storm. It was as if I was seeing my own body from a distance. Seeing the man grabbing my hair, then dragging me across the floor. I saw my naked self, beaten, hurt, violated, on the verge of death. But I couldn't feel it anymore.

Just witness what was happening to my motionless body. The man was back and he had a knife. Darkness washed over me like a cloud's shadow on a field. When the light came back, I saw the knife inside my stomach. Blood was trickling down my abdomen, gathering in a pile beneath me. The darkness came again, then the light, and another deep cut had hit me.

It kept on going. Darkness, light, blood. Darkness, light, blood.

I felt myself floating above the gruesome scene. Like a sakura petal. An awfully stained sakura petal that had been ripped into tiny little pieces.

Please. Let me die now.

A/N:

I am so sorry, Kichirou!