OUT OF LUCK

The tale of Tsutana Kichirou

Chapter 3: The Herd

Upon leaving the small room, in which I had spend the last two weeks, Ni had led me into a labyrinth of long, interlaced corridors. There were no windows. Every now and then there was a small oil lamp beside a small door opening. And nothing but wooden ceilings, walls and floors. At one point I felt like being inside a giant tree. The girl kept walking a little in front of me, while I kept staring at my surroundings. I was grateful that we walked in silence. There were too many new things I had to adjust to.

All the while I tried not to think of how my body was aching with every step I took.

We took another turn and suddenly the width of the corridor changed into a large circular room that sported several doors and an archway leading into another big room. At that moment, Ni turned around to me and watched me closely. She must have heard my heavy breathing. There was concern inside her brown eyes.

"You'll tell me when you're going to faint, okay?" she then said and I was a bit surprised about her wording. Yet I was thankful that she didn't ask me if I was alright, because I really wasn't.

I nodded. She looked at me for another moment, before she turned around again and walked through the archway. I followed her slowly. We entered a wide, rectangular room that looked like a dining hall. Countless tables and chairs were standing in no particular order in the middle of the room. At the far end of it was a large opening and behind that what looked like a kitchen. Again, there were no windows. Yet the lighting was a little brighter.

"Why aren't there any windows? Are we underground?" I asked quietly as we walked past the empty tables, our footsteps echoing off the walls.

"We're not underground," Ni replied casually.

"Then why…" I stopped mid-sentence when the girl suddenly spun around and put a finger to her lips, shushing me.

"No questions, Kichirou, please!" she whispered urgently. I didn't understand why.

We continued our way towards the opening. There, the girl stopped and motioned me to take a seat at a nearby table. I did so, ignoring the fact that it still hurt a little to sit down on any hard surface. I waited at least five minutes, until Ni emerged from the kitchen again, holding a plate in her hand. She then sat down opposite me and handed me the plate.

"The kitchen is already closed, so I couldn't make you anything fancy. I hope this sandwich is enough."

I looked at the sandwich, then back up at Ni. "It's alright. Thank you," I then said and tried a bite. Maybe it was my lack of appetite, but this had to be the worst sandwich I had ever eaten. I had to restrain myself from making a face, as the girl was watching me very closely. As fair and gentle as Ni might appear, this tasted and felt like something a blind troll with no arms had thrown together under a very dirty bridge. With his feet.

"It's bad, isn't it?" she interrupted my attempts to chew the unchewable.

I looked up and felt my eyes watering when I almost choked from trying to swallow a nasty bite of what seemed to be a piece of onion that tasted both burnt and undercooked. The girl watched me with a mixture of amusement and compassion. Being the man I was (or tried to be), I gulped it down and shook my head, before taking another bite.

"No, it's… it's not that bad… it's…" Actually, it got worse the longer it stayed inside my mouth.

Ni laughed her soft laugh. "Don't lie, it's okay, I know it must be bad. I'm a horrible cook."

I stopped chewing mid-motion and looked at her. "Then why… did you make me… this?" I asked with my mouth full of unidentifiable contents.

She threw me an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, I thought you were hungry and this was all I could find in the kitchen."

I coughed when the sandwich bite seemed to grow inside my mouth. But even though I had the urge to spit it out, I tried to look at least manly enough to be able to eat a damn sandwich. It took me a little longer and I was in tears in the end, but I did it. Swallowing the last bite, I then pushed the empty plate back to Ni, who had watched me as if observing a very fascinating specimen.

"You didn't have to eat it, you know?" she then stated.

"But you made it for me," I replied, while rubbing my eyes.

Her smile was humble, but her eyes were sparkling. I couldn't help but stare. "You're too kind, Kichirou," she whispered and looked away shyly, before standing up. My gaze followed her.

"Where are you going?" I mouthed a bit surprised.

"I'll just return the plate. Wait here, okay?" Picking up the plate, she then vanished inside the kitchen.

"Sure," I replied way too late. As if I could find my way out of this maze of corridors.

Seriously, what was this place? And where was everyone? I was really anxious to know, yet I wouldn't ask Ni anymore. She wouldn't tell me anything anyways. Maybe I had to find out on my own. Then again: I would probably get lost on the way. I had never been patient in my life, yet this situation seemed to ask exactly that of me: Be patient. You'll find out eventually.

Fine.

"Are you ready to see your room now?" Ni's voice made me jump. I spun around and saw her standing a bit behind me, motioning me to follow her.

"My room?" I stood up and joined her.

"As the Old Man had said, you are part of the Herd now. And every member gets his own room," she explained while exiting the dining room. We walked a little back towards the interlaced corridors. "All the rooms here are for sleeping only. And eating, of course," she added, pointing back towards the dining room. "But most of the time, the Herd is somewhere else."

I walked next to her this time, studying her profile as I did. When she turned her head to me, I actually tripped over my own feet and stumbled, yet caught myself before she could help me find my balance. Awkward… Sometimes, I was a real klutz. Clearing my throat, I then continued to look straight ahead. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ni smirking.

"Here we are," she said after a moment, as we had passed the tenth or so corner. If I had to find my way back to the dining room, I would get lost right away.

I looked at the plain wooden door. When I didn't do anything else, Ni took a step towards it and pushed down the handle. The room on the other side was dark. The girl took another step inside and soon after an old-fashioned oil lamp, similar to those in the corridors, came to life. I followed Ni inside. The room was a square, each wall about 9 feet long at least. There was a bed on one side and a small cupboard and a chair on the other. No window. But another door.

"The door leads to the bathroom," Ni explained, while leaning against the cupboard. "You're sharing it with the person in the room next to yours."

I scratched my chin and looked around. This was it? I was supposed to stay here? But why and for how long? The questions came back… I only realized Ni's presence when she was about to leave the room.

I blinked. "Wait…"

"Yes?"

"When will I meet the other people of… the Herd?" I asked quietly, even though I could already guess her answer.

"You will eventually." She tilted her head. "Patience, Kichirou. The only thing you can do right now, is try to get some rest and tomorrow all of your questions may be answered. I'll pick you up when it's time to meet the Old Man."

I nodded thoughtfully. She threw me a smile and stepped into the hallway. It was then that I realized something.

"Wait! Who am I sharing the bathroom with?" It wasn't a profound thing to know, but it was somehow important to me. I was not used to share anything with anyone.

Ni smirked at me. "That would be me," she then replied.

My jaw dropped.

"So if there is a problem, just knock on the door, okay? Good night, Kichirou," she added and closed the door behind her.

"Good… night, Ni," I whispered when she was already gone.

So many things to comprehend! And it wasn't the fact that I had woken up in some strange wooden place where people called themselves the Herd, it was the realization that I had ended up in some sort of camp where boys shared their bathrooms with girls! That was something my mind couldn't understand at all. Sometimes, I could be very simple.

Exhaling loudly, I then walked to the bed that seemed to be mine from now on and carefully lay down. Crossing my arms behind my head, trying to ignore the stinging pain inside my chest, I stared at the wooden ceiling. The questions were still echoing through my skull, a constant humming that caused me quite the headache. Closing my eyes, I eventually fell asleep to the weirdest thought:

Whatever the Herd was, as long as I could share a bathroom with the girl called Ni, everything seemed fine.

Heavy breathing echoed in my ears. I couldn't see. I couldn't move. Where was I? Suddenly a bright light blinded me. I raised a hand to shield my eyes – hey, I could move. The light was moving too. It was coming towards me, faster and faster. Then it absorbed me. I was standing in the middle of sheer whiteness – and nothing else.

I was feeling at ease. Peaceful.

It was so quiet, so nice and warm. I closed my eyes and something made me fall backwards, knowing that there would be something to catch me. I fell onto a soft bedding. A cool breeze brushed over me, playing with my hair.

It was so peaceful.

All of a sudden, there was a shadow obscuring my view. Something was leaning over me. Darkness crept onto me and absorbed the whiteness entirely. For a moment I thought I had gone blind. Then two spots moved closer. Light blue. Eyes. I felt a shiver running down my spine. Two hands came out of nowhere, grabbing me, turning me around. Something pushed my face into the pillow. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. A body was pinning me to the bed.

Misery flashed before my eyes. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I wanted to move, but I couldn't. Pain rushed through me like a burning flow of lava. Every nerve was tingling, every cell was screaming, every inch of my body was hurting. I could hear screams in the back of my head, my own screams, uttered in the past, still echoing through me like a never ending nightmare. And it was going on and on and on…

…if it wasn't for the soft voice calling my name.

"Kichirou!"

It took me way too much strength to wake up. When I did, I was completely out of breath. I very slowly realized that I was sitting on the floor. Blinking in confusion, I looked around and noticed somebody else sitting close to me.

Ni.

I stared at her openly, still panting, still confused and haunted by the shadows of my nightmare, until she grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Kichirou," she said softly and tilted her head. "It's okay…"

I watched her for another moment and would I have been entirely awake, I would have felt embarrassed that she had to witness yet again how I had woken from a nightmare. But my brain was too foggy to think straight and so I only leaned closer and suddenly, my arms were around her. I could feel that she hesitated to hug me back, but in the end, she did.

We remained holding each other for what seemed to be a very long moment, until it was me, who let go first. Breathing evenly again, I leaned back and stared at the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ni standing up and walking past me. I heard the door being opened and then another voice echoing through the hallway outside my room.

I felt too dizzy and exhausted to care about what was going on.

"How is he?"

"He's obviously traumatized. I don't think it's a good idea to train him already. He's still recovering."

"But his wounds are more or less healed."

"Yes, but his mind isn't. You have to consider the psychological damage…"

"He'll pull through, I'm sure."

"Maybe he won't, maybe you were wrong about…"

Something like a slap could be heard.

"I know what I'm doing, Ni. And I'm never wrong!"

"Yes, Sir."

"Now get back inside and prepare him for the initiation ceremony!"

Footsteps echoed through the corridor. I leaned back a little and rubbed my eyes. Then Ni came into my view again. She was kneeling in front of me, trying to get my attention. I blinked. She looked flushed.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

She threw me a smile. "You wake from a nightmare and ask me if I'm okay? You really are something else, Kichirou."

I looked at her. When she stood up and held out a hand to me, I was still looking at her. When I didn't respond, she took both of my hands and pulled me into a standing position. What a strong girl she was… She then led me into the bathroom. It was only after she guided me to the sink and splashed water into my face, that I came back to my senses.

Shaking my head and spraying water everywhere, I then looked at her in the mirror. She smiled back at me, while wiping some water droplets off her face. Her left cheek looked a bit red. Without realizing it, I turned around and raised my hand to touch her face. She blinked in confusion when I kept staring into her eyes.

"Kichirou…" she whispered, but didn't move away from my touch.

Suddenly I realized what I was doing. I immediately removed my hand and took a step away from her. "Sorry," I mumbled, pushing past her to enter the bedroom again – if it wasn't for her holding me back by grabbing my hand.

I turned around with a frown.

She didn't say anything, she just pulled me into a hug. I froze a little when she brought her cheek against mine and whispered: "Are you awake now?" And then she leaned back a little, her face very close to mine, our eyes meeting, our noses almost touching. I could feel her breath on my chin. I couldn't look away. And I definitely couldn't move when she leaned in and pressed her lips against mine.

"Kichirou!"

I was so startled, I actually leapt up on my feet and looked around in sheer terror. When I saw Ni leaning against the door frame, I blinked in confusion. What? A dream? Seriously? Aw man! Rubbing my eyes, I kept staring at the girl, who watched me with concern plastered over her pretty face.

"Are you ready now?"

"What?"

"Are you ready to leave?" she asked a little impatient.

"Leave? For what?" I was absolutely confused by now.

"To meet the others."

"The others?"

"Just follow me, okay?" she said and motioned me to come along. She vanished into the hallway and I couldn't move my feet fast enough to catch up with her. My head was still spinning.

I had no idea where we were going, yet this time, we were descending a set of stairs, crossed a few more dimly lit corridors and then we were standing in a very large room. The ceiling was so high up I couldn't even see it in the dim lights. There were oil lamps at the walls and high pillars and some statues and in the middle of the room a group of people staring at us. Ni guided me towards them.

There she left me standing next to some other confused looking boys. I turned my head to see where she was going, but she had already vanished into the shadows behind a pillar.

What was going on here? Who were those people?

"Welcome to the Herd," a booming voice echoed through the hall.

Like the other people around me, I looked about the room in confusion. Where was the voice coming from? Unlike the others, I knew that it belonged to the Old Man.

"Your being here is proof of your potential," the voice continued. "You all have been chosen to join our elite group, be one of us, live up to your potential. You were chosen because you have the ability to become an outstanding fighter…"

My mind was racing. What was this? Some kind of cult? Join our elite group? What was this shit? I didn't want to join anyone, I was a lone fighter, I have always been alone and there was no way I would change that now. Who were these people to bring me here anyway? Chosen? Pah!

"…a fighter for the greater good. It will be your duty to restore the world by serving the Herd, and only the Herd…"

At this moment, I knew I had heard enough, so I turned around and simply walked back to where I had come from. I ignored the stares of the other boys and I didn't listen to the Old Man's voice anymore. I didn't care. I was not serving anyone but myself!

Just as I had reached the archway leading into the corridor, the voice behind me grew louder.

"Ni! Take care of #32!"

Everything went silent. I paused for only a second, before I started running. I had no idea where I was going, so I just ran straight ahead, hoping not to run into a dead end. But no such luck. I didn't get very far, as I suddenly saw a shadow rushing past me and the next moment, I saw Ni in front of me, blocking my way. Yet I didn't slow and simply tried to push past her.

I had noticed that she was strong before, and if I had remembered that now, I would have spared myself a lot of pain. She didn't even hesitate when she grabbed me, whirled me around and basically threw me on the ground in front of her. As I was lying on my stomach, she then held my arms behind my back and sat down on me with her knee between my shoulder blades. It all happened so fast, the pain was only now catching up to me. Groaning beneath her, I tried to turn my head to catch a glimpse of her. She didn't move.

"I'm sorry, Kichirou," I then heard her whisper.

I wanted to reply something, when I noticed a pair of shoes in front of my face.

"Why did you run, #32?" the voice of the Old Man boomed from above me. Which was interesting, as I could hear the same voice still coming from the large room I had just left.

"I'm not a number!" I replied through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the pain still pulsing through my body. "My name is Kichirou!"

"Not anymore, you…"

"I did not agree to this!"

"This is not your decision to make, son," the Old Man said and knelt down beside me, tilting his head towards me.

Still crouching over me, Ni was pressing her knee deeper into my back. I inhaled sharply. Why was she doing this to me? I hadn't believed it possible, but my confusion had just gotten worse.

"Why am I here? Why did you choose me anyway? You could have just…"

"Silence, #32! You only speak when spoken to!" The Old Man got up. "Ni, he's your responsibility now. Teach him the ground rules. Then bring him back to me."

With that, the Old Man left us in the corridor. I waited until the girl got off my back, before I rolled around and jumped to my feet again, preparing for the worst while running on my last strength reserves.

Ni watched me closely. "Don't do this, Kichirou. You'll only make it worse."

I stared at her, rolling my shoulders as I did. "Why are you doing this to me? What's your deal?"

"I only follow orders, Kichirou. We all do. This is our life. And it's a good life, believe me."

"It's a good life? Are you serious? And blind?"

"Kichirou, don't…"

But I kept going. "You're serving an arrogant, authoritarian old man! You're servants, dogs even. Whatever he says, you'll do it! That is not a good life! You're basically slaves!"

Ni exhaled loudly. "I'm sorry," she simply said, before she moved in again. She was so fast, I didn't even see it coming. Holding my arms behind my back, she pressed me against the nearest wall. Even though I was angry as hell about all of this, I still couldn't ignore the hormones raging. Seriously!

"I'll bring you back into your room and there I will tell you everything. But please, until then, behave, okay?" she hissed into my ear.

I closed my eyes when I felt her breath on my skin. Slowly, I nodded. She relaxed her grip, but kept holding onto my arm when she dragged me along the hallway. We walked in silence until we reached my room. There she let go of me and motioned me to enter. I did and waited. When she followed me and was about to close the door, it was my turn.

Grabbing her left arm, I spun her around and pressed her back against the door that shut with a loud bang once she hit the wood. "I'm sorry, too, Ni," I said, as I pinned her to the door. "And I don't usually fight girls."

Ni raised her eyebrows at that.

"You have to let me go," I went on, watching her closely. Yet I didn't even notice that she wasn't fighting me as I pressed her against the smooth surface. "I don't belong here, show me the way out and I won't hurt you."

A smile crept onto her lips.

"What's so funny?"

"You hurting me," she replied quietly. I looked at her a bit dumbfounded. She locked eyes with me, while she raised her hands and placed them on my chest. I blinked. "Kichirou, why are you fighting this? The world outside is so much worse than being here, you know that. You pretty well know that, don't you?"

Her hands crept higher and rested on my collar bones for a moment, before wandering up to my face. I couldn't move. "Or have you forgotten what happened to you? Have you forgotten who found you, who saved you? Who put you back together? Who took care of you while you were sleeping? Are you really that ungrateful?"

Her words hit a point in my conscience I couldn't ignore that easily. And having her thumbs stroke the corners of my mouth wasn't helping either. I swallowed dryly.

"You can't leave now, Kichirou. You haven't even seen what the Herd is all about…"

"It's about serving other people, Ni, that much I heard. It's a group of elite fighters, who are fighting for the greater good or whatever! I can't do that! I cannot fight and I certainly won't fight for other people. I don't want to restore the world. I just want to live in peace, you know?!"

"I know," she said softly, holding my face between her hands gently, while watching me very closely. "We all want to live in peace, Kichirou. And it's the Old Man, who makes it possible. He trains us, he prepares us, he helps us grow as human beings. We are not his servants, we are his fighters. We're not fighting for him, we're fighting because of him. He saved all of our lives. He took us in. He gave us the opportunity to fight those who did us wrong. To find peace. It's only natural to return the favor at some point, don't you think?"

I stared at her, feeling my cheeks redden beneath her touch. Her words sounded rather plausible in my ears, yet I still couldn't agree. It was not in my nature to join anybody. I was a loner… I always have been…

"Kichirou," she addressed me in her low and gentle voice. "It's time you learn to commit yourself to something. You can't always stay alone. You have to learn to let people into your life, people, who can help you, who can support you, who…" she paused, tilted her head and ran a thumb over my lower lip. I froze. "…wake you from your nightmares," she added in an even lower whisper that was nothing more than a breath.

My heart was beating faster now. I couldn't think. And suddenly my lips met hers. At first I was just pressing my mouth against hers, then, when I closed my eyes, I began moving my lips. I didn't notice that Ni removed her hands from my face or that she didn't respond to the kiss in any way. All that mattered was the feeling of her warm lips beneath mine. I leaned back when I felt her hand pushing lightly against my chest.

I inhaled sharply when I saw her expression. She looked a bit agitated. "I'm so sorry," I breathed and stepped away from her in shock. What did I just do?

But Ni shook her head, not without running a slender finger over her lips thoughtfully. She caught herself very quickly after that and took a step towards me. When she spoke, it sounded as if nothing had happened.

"Listen, Kichirou, I know this is too much for you to handle right now. You are confused. And you have your reasons for acting like a caged animal. But we are not your enemies. The Old Man may seem strict and mean, but he really isn't. He just has to keep everyone's spirit up. And in this vile world, we need a leader, who won't take no for an answer. He has to be like that because he has to guide us. Believe me, you can only grow stronger."

She looked up at me.

"You have nothing to lose, Kichirou, only a great opportunity."

I watched her in silence for a moment. She had a point. But I was still not entirely convinced. "What will happen to me once I agree to stay?"

She threw me a glance, before she turned away and sat down on my bed. "You will be trained to become stronger, faster, better. You will learn not only how to fight and defend yourself, you will learn how to appreciate life. You will find comrades, who are willing to die at your side, and you will become a comrade, who will be willing to do that for others. You will learn that orders are necessary to survive. You will be trained to become a better human being."

"You do that very often, don't you?" I said after a moment.

She raised an eyebrow.

"It just sounds a bit rehearsed, that's all."

"Were you listening?" she asked, sounding a little stiff at that.

"Yes, but…"

"Kichirou, I'm #2, I'm the Old Man's right hand. I do what he tells me to do. I had to convince a few other people before you, yes. You were not the only one fighting the concept of the Herd at first. Yet as all those people are now members of our group, it speaks for itself that I can be very convincing."

"I'm sure you can," I muttered, trying to ignore the voice inside my head that had the worst ideas of exactly how Ni had convinced all those other people. I cleared my throat when I noticed her staring at me.

"Sit down, Kichirou," she said instead and motioned me to join her on the bed. More ideas popped into my head and I felt bad that I had to tell myself to shut up. Hesitantly, I followed the invite. "Are you willing to become one of us now?" she asked quietly, watching me closely.

I turned my head to her. "I… I really don't know. I mean, becoming stronger and better sounds not too bad, but… what do you mean with those comrades willing to die at my side?"

"Once you have completed your training, you will operate in teams. You will get missions that need to be fulfilled. You will be ordered to get information, to spy on a target, to blend in, to observe. You will also be ordered to kill, that might be a downside if you're not used to that. But every killing has a meaning and most of the time the murder of a person is for the greater good. Nothing is in vain."

"So… basically you're like ninjas?"

"No, we are not like ninjas. You will of course learn a variation of techniques, some may also be used by ninjas, like ninjutsu and genjutsu, but you will also focus on the arts of other warriors, like battojutsu and kenjutsu, taijutsu and jujutsu. The Old Man gathered a lot of different styles and techniques to make the Herd unique and invincible. We are neither shinobi nor samurai, we don't fight for the purpose of earning money or protecting important people. We are fighting only for ourselves, trying to make the world a better place. I guess you could call us assassins, if you have to put a name to what we do."

I blinked at the amount of information I had just received. Maybe it was Ni's low, soft voice or all those things she had said, but something inside me had snapped. It did sound pretty intriguing to be learning all of that. She had been right: she was very convincing.

"Just one last question: What will you do to me if I say no?"

Ni tilted her head and smiled. "We'll have to kill you."

Somehow, I had feared to hear that. And frankly, I had no idea whether she was kidding or not. "So I don't have any other choice, eh?"

She laughed. "No."

"Well then…" I inhaled deeply. "Count me in."