Disclaimer: I own nothing but the general plot and OCs
This chapter could have been around 3000 words longer, but I cut it in half to get this out earlier. Next half will be whenever I can get it out.
You guys have such mixed feelings about Kuchisake Shion, sounds like some of you like her and some of you hate her and I'm so pleased that she's had that effect. I tried to flesh out her character to make her more realistic as I wrote her because OCs that are completely flat are very disappointing, since there's no canon we can use to fill in the gaps in our imagination.
I did get a bit side tracked in this chap tbh which is why I had to cut it in half. I haven't fully read through it so I may go back and fiddle around with the details a bit if it doesn't read as well to me tomorrow
Thank you so much for awesome reviews, as well as favs and follows! Let me know what works, or what doesn't work for you, as well as any prompts for scenes you'd like to see.
Chapter 45 - All Too Much
Despite the late hour, I still wasn't asleep by the time Shion got back with her shopping that night, finding it near impossible to sleep without the sound of someone breathing next to me.
She unpacked in a girlish frenzy, and I was hit with a strong pang of nostalgia for all the times my mother would come home with some ridiculous cream or dress or pair of heels I didn't need with far more excitement than I could ever muster for clothes.
She didn't comment on the fact that I should have been asleep. She didn't make a mothering move toward me. She just looked up at me with light eyes and an impish grin on her face that crinkled her scars awkwardly, and told me she'd probably spent far more than she should have.
The expression pulled at her features and removed that inhuman and beautiful quality they usually had, making her appear as a happy and silly thing, taking simple delight in the impulsive buys she'd made.
I was tired and made soft by it; I didn't have it in me to try to see all of her least favourable qualities. I didn't have it in me to pretend anything that night. It was exhausting trying to hold tight to enmity for her at the same time as pretending I felt none outwardly.
"Young children's books are in all the shops that sell literature, but I know you're far too smart for them, sweet thing," she chattered on to herself, eyes darting back to me a few times a minute with the most unthinking and authentic pleasure I'd seen from her so far, "so I looked a bit longer and I have to admit I found myself in the strangest shops at times. Although anyone who likes shopping knows you can find the best things in the hidden places.
"I got a bit carried away but I just thought you deserved some spoiling. And I got you games I thought you could have fun with by yourself and with company. Some of them might be a bit easy for you but others I know you'll like."
She looked so young, flitting about chattering, like a girl half her age. A smile pulled itself helplessly at my lips as I watched her silently and my heart clenched at the bitter sweet sight. I saw, in her uncomplicated enjoyment, a version of her she could have been - maybe someone she used to be. Someone far more innocent and unburdened.
It felt like a tragedy getting to witness something I was too late to really appreciate, because she was already too fucked up to maintain this person I was watching. It was like a glimpse at a memory that would fade again soon, like I was seeing proof of the innocent kid who got hurt so much she turned into the Kuchisake I was familiar with.
In a fit of impulsive, self-destructive compassion, I chose to indulge in Shion's mood with honest participation.
I 'ooh'd and 'aah'd over the unexpectedly good books she'd found for me, impressed by her shopping skills. I thanked her for the shogi and go boards, and the card pack, and then I spent over an hour dancing about with her as we tried on clothes, reciting silly poems and jokes we knew, and then wrinkling half the brand new clothes in a rough and tumble tickle fight, until we were red in the face and breathless with laughter.
In the early hours of the morning, tucked tight next the sleeping woman, I allowed myself to feel the deep sorrow festering inside me at the unrealised potential in Shion. The kind, open, content person I knew she could have been and never would be.
Despite her words to Nagao, and the dread curling in my stomach all day, there was no further mention of medical, and beyond dinner like usual I saw no one but Shion.
That evening when she ran a bath for me, Kuchisake fetched a pumice stone and some sort of salts, too. She washed me in the bucket like usual, but then instead of stripping naked and soaking with me in a skin-crawling farce of bathing at home with DFB, she wrapped me in a towel and poured the dirty water down the sink drain before refilling it from the tub. She then poured the salt into the bucket and swished it around.
After a minute or so, she placed the bucket back on the floor, picked me up in my towel and sat down next to the bucket with me held in her lap. I leaned back, looking up at her in confusion, and her scars stretched as she smiled, but the expression on her face was strange.
"We need to soak your hands in the water," she informed me, unusually reticent in her explanation.
"Why?" I frowned a little, but allowed her to pull my arms and direct my hands into the salty water.
"Because the hot water and salts should soften your hands. After that we'll gently go at them with the pumice stone."
A warning prickle had the hair on the back of my neck standing on end, and my heart picked up pace before my conscious mind had even started putting the pieces together.
"Why are we doing that?" I couldn't prevent the trepidation from touching my words, and I knew she heard me.
"You have shinobi training."
I tensed and immediately went to pull away from her, panic screaming in my mind. I was caught completely off guard and all I knew was that I had to get away now.
But she had her arm wrapped firmly around my waist pinning me to her, and her other hands had my wrists caught, keeping them in the water.
I struggled futilely for a few seconds, fear mounting as I realised I was stuck.
"Shhh, sweet thing," she soothed quietly, the calm tone and relaxed muscles had me cautiously stilling. I felt her breath on the back of my neck moments before soft lips gently pressed against the skin there.
My heart pattered away with fright and I breathed heavily, like a small animal that knew there was nothing it could do once caught.
Her lips stayed brushing softly back and forth against the back of my neck as she made soothing noises, her nose pressing into my hair inhaling and exhaling slowly.
An inch at a time, I found myself settling back into her body, my breathing slowing to match hers, my mind relaxing from its alarm - gradually fading into surprise then acceptance and then something more dreamlike.
I sat, dimly staring forward minutes that seemed almost timeless I breathed back into Kuchisake while she held my hands in the warm water and the tip of her nose stroked neck rhythmically as she swayed her head gently from side to side.
Finally she whispered into my neck, her lips tickling me where they moved, "Why did you panic, hmm? If your father wants you to be a kunoichi when you're older, there's nothing wrong with starting your training early."
Shit, I forgot for a moment that I was Sona here, not Subaru. Sona might want to be a shinobi one day, or maybe Sona's parents wanted it for her. They were, after all, part of a civilian clan that worked closely with the shinobi clans.
"It's a secret," my voice wobbled.
"That's okay. I won't tell anyone. I can't hide the scars on your hands, but they're faint enough that most people won't notice them. You have tougher skin on your hands than a normal civilian girl should, though.
"Others will put you into training with the bigger kids if they know you have some training. You might get taken away from me. So we'll see how soft your hands can get in a few days, and I'll teach you to suppress your chakra so it doesn't get any bigger, because you have a fair amount for a little girl."
I kicked myself mentally for not keeping my chakra to civilian levels. If I'd suppressed it before Shion had entered the room that first time, I might have gotten away with my inability to do so when unconscious. It was too late now and I was furious with myself for my mistakes.
I mutely nodded my head, tight fear, relief and intense gratitude warring in my chest. This wasn't something she could hold above my head because she wanted the information to stay quiet almost as much as I did.
After the bath, she practically bathed my hands in moisturiser, and then rubbed the cream onto the rest of the skin as well, cooing over the freckles and small proportions to my distracted displeasure.
Just like before, there was no mention of medical the day after- merely a lot of moisturiser on my hands marking it as anything special - and the day after that as well. I was confused and anxious, but worried that saying anything would provoke Kuchisake into taking me there, so I kept my silence.
Eight days after my kidnapping and I still didn't know what the fuck was going on. Days were slipping far too quickly when they were filled with so little and I felt a building need for something to happen. Anything that would prove I wasn't just here to stay.
I lay with my head placed on a pillow in Kuchisake's lap. She sat cross legged on the bed, her fingertips scraping lightly across my scalp had me boneless while she read out loud to me.
I felt heavy and lethargic with food from lunch, and although sleep eluded me I kept my eyes closed and pleasantly drifted. When she'd seen my unrelenting anxiety diminish my appetite once more, Shion had commanded me to get comfortable and focus on nothing but the feel of the bed sheets underneath me, the fingers going through my hair, and her voice while she read.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been there, lost as I was in the story to the point that I could no longer hear the individual words. It was nice, though, and for the first time I could completely ignore the urge in the back of my head that unrelentingly whispered 'escape escape escape escape'.
However long or short a time I had been lying there, though, it felt far too quick a rest when an abruptly loud knock reverberated through the metal door, jolting me out of my daydreaming.
I sat up in surprise, turning to look at Shion when it didn't open immediately. She eyed the door with knowing dread, her face pale and pinched. She bit her bottom lip harshly enough that for a second I wondered if it would bleed. Her breathing wobbled for half a second, and then she inhaled deeply with her eyes closed, holding, exhaling in a whoosh as her expression crumpled into something pained and resigned and resolute.
She touched my arm and spoke, still staring at the door, "Stay here, sweet thing."
The knock came again, louder and more demanding.
She gracefully got off the bed and stood with an authority to her that belied the emotions I knew she had been battling with internally just seconds ago.
I watched her with a blank face, hiding my concern, while she marched determinedly to the door and pulled it open.
"Yes?" She asked archly, a sensual caress to her words that informed me of the gender of our unexpected visitor.
"Nagao-taichou will see you in his office," came the low, brusque reply.
There was a beat before she replied, "very well, let me get my shoes."
"And the child."
"Pardon?"
"He wants you to bring the child."
An even longer pause occurred, and I saw her brief dismayed expression, before she gathered herself with a straightening of her shoulders and a short nod.
She turned to me, her features folding into something that was too upset to be comforting, "Get our shoes from under the bed, sweet thing."
I scrambled to do as tasked, while Kuchisake blatantly used her position in the door frame to prevent the man from entering, staring him down all the while with an arm reached out blindly behind her for me to place the shoes in.
By the time we were both making our way toward Nagao, Shion had chased the man off before I managed to get more than a quick look at him and had proceeded to hold my hand with a worryingly tight and clammy grip.
It was an uneasy silence that lay heavy between us as we walked, Shion staring rigidly ahead and me barely keeping up with her pace. When we reached Nagao's office she hastily turned to me, and knelt down, tilting my face up with careful fingers.
"Do you remember what I told you last time?" Her voice was sad and urgent at the same time, and a shiver of dread ran up my spine.
I nodded warily and with a pained smile she pecked my lips before standing upright to face the door. Her arm raised tentatively to knock, but froze at the last second. She bit her lip harshly again and huffed through her nose, before screwing her eyes shut and quickly knocking on the metal.
I could see the small beads of sweat gathering across the bridge of her nose, and stared at the door with a building sense of foreboding. Whatever was going on, clearly Kuchisake didn't think she could fuck her way out of it.
The door swung open and I was dragged down into a deep bow before I could get a look at Nagao. I straightened before Kuchisake did, and I realised she was apologising for something.
Nagao maintained a polite and empty smile on his face, looking down at Kuchisake impassively with eyes like flint.
"Shion. Come in," his voice had that too-smooth quality I'd caught a glimpse at last time, and this time I knew it spelt trouble. Despite every instinct screaming at me to do the opposite, I followed the pull of Kuchisake's hand and entered the room.
My adrenaline spiked and my eyes darted quickly around the room in a conditioned instinct to take in whatever I could utilise in the room if shit went down.
[Pens on desk - too far away. Sharpened pencils - chakra required to reach them will give away indication of hidden skill and remove surprise required to successfully take down Jōnin. Potentially two Jōnins.
Decorative weapons on wall - out of reach without chakra. Sake bottle under desk judging from scent of air - flammability? Uncertain - Chūnin throwing skills most likely asset to succeed. With minimised distance filled bottle may stun long enough to reduce distance to initiate raiton jutsu stun.
Inefficient skill to take down two hostile shinobi above Genin level. Most likely plan to survive if violent action against person is taken: deflect danger onto Kuchisake and take out remaining enemy through raiton jutsu. Once stunned apply chakra supported force upward against the nose to kill and then formulate escape]
Kuchisake stood stiff beside me when the closed with an ominous thud, and Nagao traced a half circle around us with his hands held behind his back in a deceptively casual manner.
"Nagao-taichou, I-" Shion began in a soft voice filled with uncertainty.
"I spoke to medical today," Nagao interrupted, sounding light and unbothered, as though he was just speaking his musings out loud. His posture reflected this sentiment, and if he weren't circling us like a shark I may have relaxed from my wary mindset.
"The child hasn't been to see them. I was told there were 'further delays'," he pinned Shion to the spot with his cold stare, her head bowed under the weight of her fear as she she trembled silently.
"I'm thinking to myself after I hear this news that surely this can't be right. After all, Kuchisake Shion herself is overseeing the progress of this child and she wouldn't be so ineffective as to allow 'further delays', not after I mentioned the problem to her personally," he laughed like the idea was ludicrous, smiling with false warmth that faded into a cruel amusement. He didn't even seem to notice her shaking.
"So I'm thinking to myself, well maybe Shion has lost her respect for me. Maybe she doesn't take my word seriously," his dull blue eyes were inhuman in their apathetic callousness, and even as his face sagged into a grimace he was handsome.
"Maybe I have given her too many concessions. Too much kindness. A man cannot be too kind and still expect his subordinates to respect him, after all," there was a fraught pause and the fear in the room thickened until I was sure I could taste it in the back of my throat.
He stalked slowly and languidly up to Shion's quivering form, never breaking eye contact, his breath fluttering through her hair slightly where it fell in her face in increasingly damp strands as it touched her sweaty skin.
His hands slid up her side, round the curve of her breasts, across her collarbones, skimming up her neck to hold her face in his hands as a lover would. They shared air for long seconds, hers stuttering out of her as she stared a thousand yard stare of mindless terror, his intimate as he dipped his head toward her but just as equally dispassionate from the glint of predatory insanity in his face.
I stood there momentarily forgotten by both of them, my chest barely moving and desperate not to make any noise. I was captivated by the horror I felt as I watched the train wreck occurring right on front of me.
"I treat you special because you are special to me and surely there's nothing wrong with that, I'm arguing with myself," he murmured as though it were a love confession, "You are beautiful and I like touching you. I like tasting you. I like the way you smell, and the way you... I like you. I hold superiority of position here. No one tells me that I can't do what I want with you, so surely there is nothing wrong with treating you special as I desire?
"But then, I'm reminding myself, if that were the case then why doesn't Shion heed my words as a respectful subordinate should?" His forehead pressed against hers and he smoothed her hair away from her face as she shook, her eyes never moving from the spot she looked at in frozen fear.
"Maybe I've given her too much, I consider. She asks for the new children, and so I give her the new children. It takes up time, but she's good with them and she keeps them from bothering others while they adjust.
"She asks for full access to all the children, and so I give her full access. She spends more time taking care of them than doing her other duties, but she takes the soft ones under her care and they begin lasting long enough to toughen up, which gives us a better yield.
"But next she asks for the badly behaved children, and I hesitate because she won't have time for any other duties, but she looks so pretty when she begs and the children can still physically work after she disciplines them, so I give her the badly behaved children.
"And then she asks for a special child, to keep all for her own, kept separate from the others. This, I think, will take up too much time. But then again, Shion is special to me, and so is the child, so I grant her the child," he stroked her scars with his thumbs as her chest juddered.
"Surely, when I have given Shion everything she asks for, she would respect me enough to carry out my wishes. But I discover that the badly behaved children have not been disciplined since they returned from their training, and I discover the soft children have been languishing without attention, and Igarashi Sona has yet to be taken to medical," he closed his eyes and his lips intimately caressed her quivering ones in a mockery of a kiss as he spoke.
"How can I convince myself I am respected when I know this, I'm thinking to myself. Maybe I should be harsh again, maybe then she will respect me. Maybe I'll stop her from seeing the children, or maybe I'll punish her favourites in front of her. I'm wondering if I should beat Shion instead, I'm wondering if maybe I should replace Shion," his face mashed against her in something that couldn't possibly be affection, squishing her lips disturbingly against his teeth as he talked, still a quiet and almost romantic murmur.
"I'm wondering if I should ask Shion to my office with her precious child and beat the child in front of her. I'm wondering if I should beat the child to death in front of her and make her bury it," Shion's cheeks crinkled ever so slightly, but it looked agonised as unacknowledged tears spilled over her lashes and down her cheeks, disappearing between their mess of lips. My blood chilled and I couldn't swallow from a mouth dry with fright.
Nagao smiled suddenly, without humour, and he pulled his face away from Shion, his gaze flickering over her in soft madness, brushing his knuckles against her cheekbone as his other hand slid down to her collarbone, "But then I'm reminding myself that Kuchisake is a woman. She can't help herself that she takes advantage of my kindness. She is more woman than anyone I know and so I can't blame her for being helpless against her own nature.
"Just this once, I'm telling myself, I can forgive her for her attempt at pushing her boundaries. I can forgive her for disobeying me."
The noise she released was a quiet, hysterical sob of terror and relief, sweat dripping down her face and neck, hair tangled and frizzing from the heat of her own stress, chest heaving in an uneven pattern.
He nodded in confirmation, with the smile of a benevolent megalomaniac, "I forgive you," he whispered.
She still hadn't said a word, unable to prevent the tremors from wracking her body. He took slow steps back, never taking his eyes off her as though appreciating a work of art from a distance. He reached into a drawer of his desk and pulled out a bottle of water, before using the liquid to create a suiton bunshin.
"This will escort you back to the room," he looked at me for the first time since he began talking, and I quailed inside at the void of compassion or empathy or anything I could recognise in his eyes.
I couldn't wait to get out of sight from Nagao, and bowed, caught between getting it over with as quickly as possible so I could escape and dragging it out for much longer to appease him. Kuchisake limply took my hand, not looking at me, and mindlessly turned toward the door. She pulled it open, the clone filing out in front, and then I was nudged forward to leave the room. I did so eagerly.
As soon as I cleared the doorway, her loose grasp was abruptly pulled from my hand and I turned back in blank surprise. Nagao had hold of her wrist, preventing her from exiting, and she turned to him with acute horror.
"I forgive you, but a man who is too kind loses respect," he smiled politely, before his other arm swung round at blinding speeds and struck her in the chest. I heard a horrific crack and she slammed mercilessly to the floor with a choked gurgle. She curled in on herself, lying on her side and I saw his foot pull back for a harsh kick just as Shion sucked in a ragged breath and released the start of a haunting wail.
The door shut in my face and the noise cut off. I still didn't move, my nose less than an inch from the metal.
A hand landed on my shoulder, and I jolted away from the door with a shocked cry. The clone watched me without sympathy.
"Come," it lightly commanded, gesturing in front it with an open arm. I hesitated for a moment, before moving past it swiftly in fear of being struck from behind, with my head ducked.
My hands were shaking, and I knew with a certainty that I didn't have long before the rest of me was shaking too much to function. I couldn't think.
I couldn't- I couldn't think. All I could do was see Shion crashing to the floor in my mind and imagine what might be occurring right at that moment to her. I felt a shadow of helplessness that there was nothing I could do, but above that I just felt blank. Uncomprehending and confused and shocked, but still somehow blank.
I didn't even notice the journey back to my room until I realised I was standing inside and I didn't know how long I had been there.
I felt cold, and the shivers were setting in as my teeth began to chatter. I dragged my numb feeling limbs toward the bed and sluggishly pulled the cover off, crawling under the bed and wrapping it all around me in a cocoon while I shook.
He was insane. I knew Kuchisake was crazy, but he was insane. I was surrounded by mad people whose thoughts and logic were inscrutable to me. I was so lost. I didn't know what to do.
I had never wished for Tou-san's help more.
Sooo that happened. Let me know how it changed you're views/confirmed your views on the characters or anything else!
As you can imagine, much more of this and the rating will be going up. But then again that was the intention from the start.