OUT OF LUCK

The tale of Tsutana Kichirou

Chapter 11: Tears

(Kichirou)

"Ni? Are you there?"

I waited patiently for her to reply in any way or form, but nothing came from the other side of the door. And after two days of doing this, almost constantly, I grew a little worried. She had locked both her side of the bathroom door and the door leading onto the corridor – a normal person's reaction would have been that she just wasn't there, probably on a mission. But I always thought of the worst first and that was her lying in her room, covered in blood, breathing her last breath, while I stood on the other side of the door and knocked like an idiot.

She would have told me, right? She always had done so when going on a mission. Why not this time? Then again, when she had left my room that morning, two days ago, she had been in a hurry and called to the Old Man's office. It was probably just some last-minute-super-urgent mission – that was why she didn't have the time to tell me. Yeah, that must be it. That better be it!

I sighed loudly after another minute or so listening closely with my ear pressed against the door, but as I couldn't hear anything from her room, I gave up for the moment. I'll be back, I thought as I turned away from the door and decided to get in some more training. The idea of becoming stronger for Ni had really blossomed inside of me. I had a reason to train now, to do all that exhausting stuff I had always hated. But after two days of training almost every waking moment my body still felt ready for more.

It also distracted me from worrying about Ni.

I started with a bit of meditating, right in the middle of my room, only long enough for my chakra to start circulating and my muscles to remember what was to come – any longer and my mind would have wandered back to Ni and her warm brown eyes and those messy locks and the soft skin and tender lips – alright, concentrate, dammit! Sighing deeply, I got up, stretched my arms and legs, before leaving my room to jog towards the Playground. Running laps was the most boring thing ever, but as I had to go to the Playground anyway and the way there was long enough for a good jog, I usually just ran there.

I arrived slightly out of breath, noticing that the lights were already on in the big room. Was someone here? These last days I had never met anyone here, so I was surprised and mildly irritated to see a tall, dark-haired man standing in the fenced-in tatami-mat area, holding a wooden sword in his hands, moving from one fighting stance into the next. I was about to ignore him and do my thing, but as I looked away, he seemed to have noticed me.

"Hey," he shouted and straightened himself.

"Sorry," I automatically replied and waved as I turned around to the door. "I guess I'll train another time..."

"What? Wait!" He left the fenced-in area, the sword still in hand and walked towards me. I froze in place, a little uneasy. Meeting other people of the Herd – outside the cafeteria anyways – usually didn't end well for me.

The man approached me with a smile and immediately I stared up at him in slight shock. His blue eyes darted over my face, before he looked right into mine. He was already one head taller than me and still his gaze made me feel even smaller. I swallowed and squared my shoulders.

"I don't think we've met, haven't we?" he said, coming to a halt in front of me. "I'm Ichi, and you are?"

For a moment I stared at the hand that he outstretched towards me. A friendly gesture but it felt wrong to me. He kept it hovering between us, watching me with his smile never wavering. As I looked up from his hand, he suddenly winked at me.

"Come on, I don't bite," he whispered.

I blinked in confusion, staring back at the hand that had moved a little closer. Fighting the urge to just turn around and leave, I extended my hand and grabbed his. His grip was strong.

"I'm Ki- um, Sanjuuni," I replied eventually, still not used to the fact that I had a new name.

"Sanjuuni, right," the man named Ichi said, smirking. He had finally let go of my hand. "You're our latest addition."

I raised an eyebrow at that. Addition? It was then that I realized who he was. Ichi. #1. One of the Ten. I blinked a little taken aback, staring up at the older man in slight bewilderment. Why was he talking to me so casually?

"So you're training on your own, hm?" he asked, watching me closely.

"Yeah," I replied slowly.

"You're Ni's student, right?"

I nodded. If he knew all that, why was he asking me all those unnecessary things? Wasting my precious time. Also when he mentioned Ni, the urge to go back to my room and knock on her door again grew stronger. "And until she's back, I'd really like to get some more training in," I said and turned to leave, only to notice that the other man frowned at my words. What was he so surprised about? A thought struck me. "Hey, do you know where she is? I haven't seen her in two days."

Ichi watched me silently for a few seconds. Something was off with him. Also, his smile was gone. "No, I haven't seen Ni either," he then said slowly.

I sighed. "But I'm sure she's fine, right? She's probably just on a mission..." I stopped myself before I could say any more. Officially, I was just her student. Nobody needed to know that I was way more than that. "Anyway, um, it was nice meeting you," I then said, knowing that people usually wanted to hear such things. "I gotta go back to my training now."

"Of course," the other man replied as I already turned away from him. I still caught the dark shadow that crossed his face. "Don't let me stop you."

What a weird guy, I thought as I walked towards the edge of the fake lake, ready to climb some trees. As soon as I felt my muscles work as I jumped up to a low branch and pulled myself up, I had shrugged off any thoughts and feelings, completely focusing on how my body worked its way up the fake tree.

Some time later (seriously, time is a weird thing when you haven't seen the sun in ages), my muscles sore from training, I walked back towards my room – as I suddenly saw a figure ahead. My heart reacted first, immediately accelerating, before my brain made the connection. I walked faster and soon enough, my arms flew around the figure that had tried to enter the room next to mine.

"Ni!" I laughed and hugged her tightly from behind.

She stiffened and let out a tiny yelp, causing me to slowly let her go, my hands remaining on her shoulders as I watched her closely, the smile that made my cheeks hurt slowly fading. She blinked at me, her gaze only resting on my eyes for a second before she stared at my chin.

"Are you alright?" I asked quietly, only now noticing how pale she looked. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair looked even messier than usual. Her lips were dry and chapped, her cheeks hollow. She looked awful.

She cleared her throat and looked up again, visibly forcing herself to smile at me. "Yeah, I'm fine," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "Don't worry."

But I did worry. Especially when she slipped from my grip and turned back towards the door. I watched her open it and felt something heavy fall into the pit of my stomach. Why was she acting as if she had not just disappeared on me for two days? Something was wrong, I could tell.

Without waiting for her consent, I followed her into her room and quickly closed the door behind me, knowing that whatever I had to say, I shouldn't be doing it on the corridor. She stared at me in mild shock as I leaned against the closed door, watching her.

"What happened, Ni?" I asked.

She stood in the middle of the room, sighing. "Nothing," she then said and moved towards the cupboard. "Just a... tough mission." As she started rummaging through her clothes, I noticed that both of her hands were bandaged.

I quickly walked up to her and stood beside her, close enough to become aware of the light blush on her pale cheeks as she noticed me. "Did he punish you again? The Old Man?" I asked quietly and her reaction couldn't have been more obvious. She visibly flinched, but tried to cover it up with a cough that shook her entire body.

Once she was done – and it hurt me to see her like that –, she inhaled deeply and turned her head towards me. "No. He didn't have anything to do with it. I was just clumsy..."

"Clumsy?" I mouthed, unable to combine the word with how I saw Ni. She was not clumsy. Never.

"I guess I picked that trait up from you," she replied and threw me a weak smirk. I blinked and for a moment believed her, wanted to believe her, but still I felt like she was keeping something from me.

When she grabbed some clothes and walked away from me, I decided not to push it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her opening the bathroom door. Yet, before she entered, she turned around again.

"I'm sorry I left in such a hurry, Kichirou," she whispered. A few seconds ticked past, before she entered the bathroom and closed the door.

I couldn't move, didn't know what to say. When I heard the water of the shower, I slowly began moving again. First I sat down on her bed, realizing that it didn't feel right to wait for her there. Sitting in the chair had a similar effect. And just leaning against any surface was just plain stupid. I don't know why it felt this way, but something changed. Only two days ago, everything had been fine. I still remember the moment we parted ways, how close we were, how it had felt to have her lying beneath me...

And now? She felt miles away. I had spent almost every waking moment thinking about her, actually missing her, and she acted as if nothing happened? But maybe I was overreacting. She had just returned from a tough mission, from the way she looked it must have been extremely demanding, so maybe she was just exhausted and unable to deal with me right now. Understandable... On rare occasions I did have to admit that I was a little clingy. Possibly annoying as well. Though I had thought she was okay with that.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, pacing through the room, not sure what to do with myself. Then the water stopped and several moments later, Ni came out of the bathroom, wearing a baggy sweater and some loose pants, her hair wet, her skin flushed from the hot water. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know if you still wanted me to be here or if I should leave, I –" I rambled, scratching the back of my head nervously.

"Stay," she simply said and walked past me to place her neatly folded uniform on top of the cupboard. There she hesitated, her freshly bandaged hands resting on her clothes. When she finally turned around to me, her eyes were as dark as I had ever seen them. "Kichirou, I..." she began, but quickly shook her head and looked away again, slowly walking towards her bed. Yet she didn't sit down.

She acted weird, that was for sure.

Still I walked up to her and carefully placed my arms around her shoulders, embracing her from behind. She stiffened, even holding her breath, but when I leaned my head against hers, she raised her hands and placed them on my arms, inhaling deeply as she leaned against me. We stood like that for a long moment and slowly I felt more at ease again.

"I missed you," I whispered against her wet hair, deeply inhaling her soft scent. Yet she didn't smell like the outside this time.

"I... missed you too," I heard her hoarse reply, barely audible, but still resonating through me as if she had shouted it.

I hugged her a little tighter, causing her to wince. I immediately let go, grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to look at her. There were red spots on her cheeks, yet she held my gaze. "Are you hurting?" I asked softly.

To my utter surprise, she nodded slowly.

"Where?"

She lowered her eyes a little. "Everywhere," she admitted, and seeing and hearing her like that twisted my insides in fury and sadness. I swallowed the sudden urge to punch a wall or whoever or whatever had caused her to feel this way. Instead I leaned closer and gently placed my hands on her cheeks.

Then I moved up and pressed my lips against the top of her head. "Does it hurt here?"

She nodded.

I moved further down, pushed her hair out of her forehead and softly kissed her temple. "And here?"

She nodded again, closing her eyes as I kept exploring her face.

"Where doesn't it hurt?" I asked in mild frustration.

Without opening her eyes, she raised a hand and placed a finger on the tip of her nose. I smiled as I moved and kissed the spot carefully. Her finger wandered further down and rested against her lower lip. Holding her face, I leaned in, closed my eyes and pressed my mouth against hers, for a few seconds simply enjoying how her skin felt against mine. I felt her hands finding the front of my shirt and I took the movement as an invitation.

Opening my mouth a little I let my tongue slip against her lips, licking the calloused skin softly. I heard a tiny noise, like the echo of a cough caught inside her throat. Soon I pressed my tongue against where her lips met, slowly forcing my way into her mouth. When her tongue greeted mine, she closed her hands tighter around my shirt and pulled me even closer towards her. I leaned into the kiss, savoring every second our mouths collided again after retreating for air every so often. My hands slipped into her hair, her wet locks clinging to my fingers.

She breathed louder against me, causing my lips to leave hers and move over her face instead. Kissing the corner of her mouth, her cheek, around to her earlobe – at which she inhaled sharply, as she clung onto my shirt as if she was drowning – until my mouth moved up, gently touching the corner of her eye. That was when I tasted it.

Salty.

I opened my eyes, too close to see, but unable to move my lips away from her face. To make sure, I kissed her eyelid carefully once more, before leaning back and seeing what I tasted before. Tears. She was crying. Completely soundless, warm liquid was collecting under her closed eyelids, every now and then dropping a new teardrop from her wet lashes. I inhaled deeply, absolutely baffled. Why was she crying? Was she in so much pain, but didn't say anything because I didn't let her?

I carefully placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned her back a little, while my other hand leaned up and cupped her cheek, my thumb gently wiping at the wet skin. It took her a long moment before she opened her eyes, the brown irises glistening with new tears. Seeing her like that felt as if someone was squeezing my heart brutally. I swallowed, pulling my eyebrows together in sympathy. She blinked as her gaze met mine, causing more teardrops to roll over her cheeks.

And suddenly she pushed me away, her hands immediately wiping at her eyes, turning away from me in visible embarrassment. "Don't look at me!" she croaked, her voice breaking.

"Ni," I breathed and reached out to her, but she kept avoiding me. "Please, it's okay!"

She shook her head, water spraying everywhere as her wet locks flew around. Her breath was rough, as she snuffled repeatedly until she had gained control over what had come over her. I watched her in something like shock, unable to do anything, my throat clenching as the seconds ticked past. I want to help her!, I thought desperately, while I just stood there. Or at least hold her...

She was leaning against the cupboard, one hand on her face, the other gripped around the edge of the piece of furniture. Inhaling deeply and exhaling loudly, she repeated the motion for another minute, before I noticed that she had calmed down somewhat. Slowly I tried to approach her again.

"Ni," I whispered, coming to a halt close behind her, my hand hovering over her shoulder.

"You shouldn't see me like this," she muttered.

"Why not?" I asked bluntly, finally finding the courage to place my hand on her shoulder.

"It's embarrassing..."

"I don't care," I said and gently grabbed her chin to make her turn around to me. Her eyes looked up at me, still red from crying, but without any new tears. "You are beautiful no matter what," I whispered, my thumb caressing her lower lip absentmindedly.

At that she blinked with her mouth opening slowly. "What?" she breathed, her eyes wide.

"Don't make me repeat that," I muttered, feeling my cheeks redden as I realized what exactly I had said. "It's embarrassing..."

Ni smirked at that, her eyes lighting up slightly. "I don't care," she said. "You are –"

"Don't mock me!" I hissed playfully, dropping my hand and lowering my gaze.

It was her turn to grab my face and make me look at her. Her bandages felt rough against my skin, but her touch worked nonetheless. She had my attention. Our eyes locked and I waited, feeling something warm rush through my stomach.

"Thank you," she then whispered, before leaning in to close her lips around mine. I kept my eyes open in surprise as she deepened the kiss, her tongue going the same journey mine had done before. The way she moved against me, with her body leaning against mine, her forearms pressed against my chest as she held my face, I had the sudden urge to grab her waist.

As I did that, unable to control myself with her tongue pressing against mine, taking all my attention, I ended up pushing her back into the cupboard. The second her body came into contact with the hard surface, she jolted up, jerked her head away from mine and actually let out a low cry of pain. Shocked by the sudden noise I completely let go of her and even stepped away a little, my mouth open as I watched her twitch, her body snapping forwards as if cramping.

"Ni! I'm so sorry!" I whimpered as she tumbled to the ground, falling to her knees, coughing hoarsely. "I didn't mean to –"

She had sunk her teeth into the side of her hand, visibly shaking as she tried to control the tremors that the pain seemed to send through her body. Her other hand was raised, her palm towards me, telling me to stay away. But I couldn't see her like this. It was too painful to watch. Swallowing my own panic, I moved forwards and somehow I managed to close my arms around her body, before I carefully lifted her up. It was only a little distance towards her bed, but my muscles cried out as they remembered the training I had finished only a while ago.

Still I carried Ni towards the bed and gently placed her down. She rolled onto her side as I slipped my arms from her, facing me with her eyes squeezed shut. I stayed kneeling next to the bed, my hands resting close to her, but not touching her. Her breathing calmed down eventually. My heart however wouldn't stop drumming against my ribcage. Whatever happened to her, I felt so sorry for her. Slowly, I raised a hand and pushed her hair out of her forehead. It was covered in cold sweat.

"I'll be fine," I then heard her whisper. She had opened her eyes a little and watched me closely. "Don't worry. It'll go away... it always does."

Hearing her say that made it even worse. Knowing that she had been in this kind of pain before felt horrible. I swallowed hard as I gently grabbed her hand, carefully closing my fingers around hers.

"What happened?" I breathed.

She inhaled deeply. "I can't tell you..."

Really? Still with the secrecy? This was clearly not the time and place for that!

She seemed to notice my reaction and squeezed my hand lightly. "Don't worry," she said again – and the more she said it, the more I did worry. "I'll be fine." Maybe she thought that if she kept telling herself the same thing, it would eventually come true.

I stared at her, not sure what to say. Though deep down, I knew what I had to do. Not right now, but eventually. I had to save her from this life. I just had to figure out how I would do that.

As I thought about possible escape plans, I felt her shift on the bed, slowly retreating, causing me to let go of her hand. I watched her in surprise and slight disappointment as she moved to the other side of the bed, but then she reached out, her hand palm up on the bed, the fingers slowly bending, closing and opening her hand. Before I realized that she tried to call me closer to her, I heard her soft voice, so low and hoarse that I felt it vibrate through me.

"Stay with me," she whispered. "Stay with me... tonight..."

I blinked. It took me a long time before I understood what she meant. Or at least what I thought she meant. I wasn't sure. About anything. Did she just invite me to sleep in her bed? Or did she ask me to sleep with her? It was about sleep, but how? Next to her? On top of her? Surely not on top of her, she was hurting, she definitely didn't mean it that way. But sleeping next to her, in the same bed? Was touching included or excluded? What was I supposed to do?

"Just lie next to me," I then heard her whisper. There was a tired smirk on her lips as I looked at her in slight embarrassment. "Nothing else. I just... don't want to be alone tonight..."

Now I understood. And I could have hit myself for thinking the things I had thought. Keep your hormones under control, dammit! I got up from my knees and slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, as I realized that – while she had showered – I was still in the sweaty shirt and pants I had worn all day during my training. I pressed my chin to my shoulder and took a sniff, before coughing shortly. Oh boy. How had she handled the smell?

"I... should take a shower first, I think..." I said quietly, avoiding her gaze. "But I'll be right back, okay?" I added as I dared to look at her. She was smiling softly, her eyes half-closed already. "You will not be alone tonight!"

"Okay," she mumbled back and nodded.

With my heart hammering inside my chest, I got up and rushed into the bathroom, undressed in record time, took the fastest shower ever, dried myself halfheartedly, grabbed a fresh sweater and some pants from my room, got dressed in between door frames and finally returned to Ni's bed. She was breathing deeply and rhythmically, already asleep. I gently leaned over the bed and pulled the sheets over her resting body, before I slipped next to her, close enough to feel her body warmth, but I told myself not to touch her. She certainly needed her sleep and I was not going to disturb her in any way or form.

That I told my conscious self.

Whatever happened as I fell asleep as well, was a completely different story.

A soft knock echoed through my dreams. I inhaled sharply, almost sneezing as I felt soft hair tickling my nostrils. Lazily opening my eyes, I had to take a moment to understand what was going on. I was lying on my back, my left arm behind my head, and a warm and pleasantly heavy form rested on my chest. Ni was sleeping on me, her head on my shoulder, half of her body covering mine. My right hand gently caressed the arm she had placed around me.

We were cuddling, I realized.

So much for not touching. But it felt so good, so warm and cozy and I wished I could stay like this forever. But then a noise came back into my mind. A harsh reminder of a harsh reality.

A knock on the door.

It was a little muffled, so it was not on the nearest door. But on... on my door? I blinked against the realization. Who would knock on my door, this early in the morning? (It felt like morning, but of course I wasn't sure what time it was...) I was about to ignore it, but then Ni shifted on top of me, breathing loudly against my collarbone.

"There's someone at the door," she mumbled, probably still somewhat asleep.

"Don't worry about it," I replied. "They'll go away, I'm sure. Go back to sleep."

But the knocking wouldn't stop. I sighed as I placed my free arm over my eyes, not wanting to get up yet. Ni was still breathing deeply against me, though the knocking got more and more irritating, so I tried to reluctantly slip away from her. She remained lying on her stomach, fast asleep. I pulled the sheets over her, taking a last look at her, before walking through the bathroom and towards my door, ruffling my hair as I did so.

Another knock shook the wooden surface, louder this time. More than annoyed by now, I grabbed the door handle and pulled the door open – blinking once I saw the figure on the other side.

"Finally awake, hm?" I was greeted with a smile that looked as fake as the bow I gave in respect to the older man.

"Ichi...san," I said slowly, holding the door so tightly my knuckles turned white. What the hell was he doing here?

"I have something for you," he said and moved forwards as if he wanted to enter my room. I stayed where I was, blocking the entrance, frowning questioningly at him.

As he noticed that I wouldn't let him in, he tilted his head, the smile slowly fading. He then pulled a tiny scroll from his pocket and handed it to me. I stared at it, before I stared up at him.

"Take it and read it," he said, an edge of irritation inside his voice.

Hesitantly I grabbed the scroll and started unrolling it. I read through the scribbles, twice, then three times, then looked up puzzled. "What is this?"

"Your first assignment," Ichi said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"First... as in first mission?" I asked, mildly surprised. Would I finally go outside again?

"Not a mission yet, but a test of some sorts. To see if you are ready for your first mission."

I stared down at the scroll. Suddenly I felt excited. And anxious at the same time. What kind of test was this? And what if I wasn't ready? Would I ever leave this place?

"Let Ni explain it to you, the details are all on there," the other man said and pressed his index finger to the scroll in my hands.

I nodded and looked up hesitantly.

"See you later then. Better come prepared," he added with a smirk.

And a wink. That guy had the gull to wink at me before leaving me standing in my doorway, completely overwhelmed by what was about to happen. But apart from his creep-factor and the weird feeling he was leaving on the back of my neck, I felt positively nervous.

Things were finally starting to move forward.

If I passed this first assignment, I would go on my first mission. And I would use the moment I stepped foot out of this strange wooden place to follow the plan that was clawing at the back of my mind: Get Ni out of here. Forever.

A/N:

The fluff is strong in this one, sigh. But of course, the damn plot has to cut right through once more... What's gonna happen next? Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading!