Disclaimer: I own nothing but the general plot and OCs
So maybe I should have put this at the start of chap 51, but that AN was already so long that I just wanted to move on.
I've realised for those who haven't had a look at this story for months, that the OCs May confuse you. Here's a quick run down for the OCs with Sonaru (when the first Kakashi POV gets put out, I'll do an AN giving a summary reminder for what's happened to him since Sonaru's kidnapping).
Kuchisake Shion: Grey-white eyed, just past shoulder length black hair, pale skinned, scarred mouth (think Heath Ledger's Joker), likes eating boiled sweets and licks her hands all the time to get rid of the sugar, calls Sonaru 'Sweet thing'. Known as the Ame-Onna in the bingo book, from Ame. Obsessed with children due to the death of her own 'Little Raindrop', in love with Nagao and sleeping with him, as well as many other men in the facility. In charge of the children in the facility. Deeply dislikes Ike, and has an almost mean girls style relationship with the five women in the medical team presiding over Sonaru. In her early to mid thirties.
Nagao(-taichou): Head of the facility, very neat short back and sides black hair, wears a shirt and neat trousers all the time, light blue eyes, scar cutting into his top lip. Impeccably put together, prone to violent outbursts (especially toward Shion), is somewhat obsessed with Shion - gifting her hairpins that double as weapons and allowing her to be the only person to carry weapons in the facility. Cold demeanour, likes power plays and intimidation. Sees Sona as special. In his mid to late thirties.
Miyako - Graying hair with maroon streaks, dark skinned, dark eyes. In her mid to late forties. In charge of the medical team presiding over Sona.
Chou - Small and slender looking, with wide hazel eyes and a cute strawberry-blonde bob. A demeanour that generally matches her looks, but underneath is petty and vindictive. Occasionally can get along with Shion on a surface level, and is the member of the group Shion likes the most and wants to be liked by.
Ike - Verbally cruel and uncaring for others. Likes power plays. Is very snide and bitchy around Shion. Short tempered and argumentative.
Mari - Minor member of the medical team
Unnamed fifth member (I couldn't be bothered okay): Described as 'short blue hair cut in an asymmetrical style asked me. She had a round face with a nose that jutted out prominently from it, and an entirely unemotional look in her eyes regardless of whatever tone her voice affected.'
Kenta: Teenage medical assistant to Hiroshi, grey toned skin, dull yellow eyes, spiky light blonde has a huge crush on Shion. Was seduced by Shion into forging Sonaru's chakra medical results.
Hiroshi: Head of medical, short and thin, no eyebrows, thin black hair, quizzical resting expression. Generally very calm and mildly spoken.
Scarred'n'Scowly: Young five year old boy, burn scar on the right of his forehead, dirty blonde hair, dark green eyes, natural resting bitch face. Generally unsociable and slightly rude, but willing to answer questions, silently protective over the two year old girl he is often seen with. Is one of the 'medical kids' who are in the facility for human experimentation.
Little Heart Wrencher: Brown hair, two years old, single dimple on her cheek, doesn't speak, often appears lost in her own internal world, very attached to the dirty frayed ribbon she always has hold of. Has more scars from injections than any other kid.
No beta, barely any proof reading and no editing. be warned.
Thank you so much for awesome reviews, as well as favs and follows! Let me know what works, or what doesn't work for you, as well as any prompts for scenes you'd like to see.
Chapter 53 - Pump Mud Through My Veins
Whatever they were injecting into my body every day was definitely not supposed to be there.
Extensive and careful testing with Genma, Tou-san and myself had proven that poisons above a certain strength and toxicity were immediately rejected from my body. Substances that were still harmful, but only in certain amounts were simply rapidly flushed from my body once they got close to that amount. From there it was a little hit and miss with what my body's natural defences responded to – if it was something I swallowed and digested or inhaled, it depended on how and to what extent the chemical worked to affect my body, but if it was something injected straight into me there was a high chance that my body would work it out of my system at a fairly rapid rate.
Scarred'n'Scowly, Little Heart Wrencher and I were given an injection every morning after all of our vitals were tested, and then we were held for an hour during which we were monitored carefully. Apparently whatever they were injecting into me was getting drained from my system too quickly, requiring me to have an injection in the morning and another in the early evening.
The main issue with that was Shion's schedule. She didn't have time to drop me off and pick me up twice everyday, and only a small handful of people had access to our room to do it for her.
"She's been here long enough, let her join the JCB," Hiroshi suggested firmly.
"That's for the military children," Shion argued, looking incredibly opposed to the idea.
"Her physical results aren't that far off the youngest who join, there's no harm in her doing so," he refuted calmly.
"She's too young."
"There's no official minimum age, and she's mature enough to handle herself."
"Her side effects regularly have her immobile or ill and no one will be there to help her."
"Those side effects are mostly over now, and will be completely in a few days."
"She doesn't know her way around the facility," Shion sounded a little desperate and weak and I wondered what the big deal was.
"Neither do any of the others when they join. That's a weak argument and you know it. Now, if you have a legitimate reason why the child can't be in the JCB…?"
I mentally crossed my fingers that this was what it sounded like; alone time in this hellhole without being stuck in one room.
For a moment Kuchisake looked at me, and somehow I knew she was thinking of bringing up the two escape attempts I had made – one vastly closer to success than the other – but that would require her to openly admit that I had made them in the first place. As I thought she would, she let the moment slide without saying anything and admitted defeat.
"Fine, but not until the side effects have passed entirely."
Hiroshi tilted his head in agreement, "Very well. That should take another three to four days, during which she'll have to stay in this room for the time it takes you to arrive."
Shion pursed her lips, "She'll have someone supervising her?"
"I'm sure Kenta will be able to."
She frowned unhappily but nodded in agreement nonetheless. I didn't really care about the three day wait, too busy trying to tame my hope at finding my way back to an unlocked exit during my soon-to-be time alone in the general facility.
The next day already started off on a positive when I was deemed in control enough to no longer wear cloth tortures. The emotional prickle behind my eyes as my tears welled was the only giveaway to just how much having to wear them again had affected me, as I watched Kuchisake leave with the pack to put it back into storage.
Everyday since coming off the pills I was feeling more clear headed and energised. I could think straight for the first time in weeks, and for once I didn't feel like the various cells and organs in my body were trying to reject being held within the same form as each other.
I stretched in the training room beside Scarred'n'Scowly after our morning injections, Little Heart Wrencher twisting her mangy ribbon between her fingers on the other side and staring off into space.
As casually as possible, I asked, "What's the JCB?"
He looked at me, disgruntled, "It's the Junia Chian butai. I told you the shinobi here grumble about and bad mouth the medical staff here a lot, and the medical staff say the same about the shinobi."
"Yes," I confirmed slowly.
"The others who are well behaved and skilled at the shinobi arts get put in the Junia chian butai once they get to around six. The ones who are allowed to join get later curfews, and they can walk around pretty much wherever they want, and they get more sweet things, and books and comics and things that actually belong to them, and they can have whatever hair cut they want, and the older ones get to go outside the facility for training years before the normal shinobi kids. The adults take what they say seriously, and listen to them."
He sounded deeply jealous and bitter, and I immediately crossed out the idea of telling him that I was joining.
"What do they do to earn this?" I asked, skeptical that this was just something offered in reward for a kid doing well in training.
"They each have a medical staff member that they report to, and they tell them if they saw anyone doing anything suspicious or breaking the rules. That's why they're allowed to wander around the facility – they have to keep an eye out for rule breakers and possible traitors," He shrugged roughly, a deeper scowl than usual marring his face.
"They report on even the adults?" Mild disbelief coloured my tone.
"Especially the adults. If another kid breaks the rules, they have to report it but medical doesn't really care because Kaa-chan takes care of their punishment. If they see an adult doing something suspicious, though, they have to go straight to their supervisor or to Nagao-taichou or Hiroshi-san or Kaa-chan and then report it. A lot of the shinobi are kind of scared of them, actually."
That… sounded pretty damn familiar. I'd essentially joined the Hitler Youth. I guess… when in Rome? It wasn't like I had an issue with screwing over a single adult in this place. I'd certainly feel strong emotional conflict if I had to do so with Shion, but not enough to stop me from doing it anyways.
That evening, I waited with a comic provided to me as Kenta filled out reports and various paperwork on the other side of the room, ignoring me for the most part. He, predictably, perked right up when Kuchisake came to pick me up that evening, and flushed a brilliant red that matched his painfully dopy grin, while they flirted heavily with each other. It was disheartening to watch as a few transparent innuendos were enough to have him twisted around her little finger.
I expected the next day to be more of the same, with injections in the morning with the other two – though this time Little Heart Wrencher was clearly not in a tolerant mood and whimpered quietly the moment the needle entered her eyesight, and although she was as docile as ever while they injected the inky black liquid into her, the whimpers devolved into quiet but high pitched cries. I swallowed around the sorrow and anger and averted my eyes shamefully.
My expectations were met until the evening injection came; about half an hour after everyone but Kenta left to see to their other duties, I heard a frustrated sound coming from him alongside a harsh scribbling. Looking up, I watched as he threw his pen down and began rummaging through the drawers around him, clearly not finding what he was searching for.
Finally, with a groan, he turned his piss-yellow eyes toward me, "I have to go and get another pen. Don't move, and don't touch anything."
His attempt to sound authoritative fell flat, but I nodded regardless and he was clearly appeased, since he swiftly left.
It took me less than five seconds to realise that he had left my file in the room alone with me. I'd noticed by now that records and files were not kept in the room I was taken to everyday. Kenta or Hiroshi were usually responsible for taking it with them when they left and storing it wherever it was supposed to go.
[Breathe]
It took me less than three seconds to jump on the opportunity handed to me. There wasn't any guarantee that there was anything in the files I didn't already know, but the risk being caught snooping was worth it to me.
Jumping off the seat and racing over to the desk, I kept my ears pealed for Kenta's return – having no real clue how far he needed to travel to find a pen.
Without wasting any time, I flipped the first page open. The file on me was thick, and there was no chance that I'd be able to properly read it all before he returned. I didn't need to though, thanks to my ability to recall things with perfect clarity. I quickly scanned my eyes over each page, top to bottom, taking no time to try to understand the information included.
I was two thirds through when the door handle pulled down.
[No time to return to the seat and assume a natural position]
Quickly shutting the file, I pushed myself with force away from the desk, flipping in midair and landing painfully against the edge of the chair. It toppled over with a loud clatter and sent me sprawling next to it with a mild groan.
The door burst opened and Kenta shot inside, alarm written all over his grey-toned face. His eyes landed on me, quickly taking in the chair on its side, and the comic sticking out from underneath me.
"What happened?" He snapped, bewildered.
"I fell over," I pouted, an embarrassed blush rising to my cheeks.
He sighed, irritation clouding his expression as he came over to right the chair and roughly place me back on it, "Sit still, stop fidgeting, and behave."
I nodded, ducking my head just in case any relief touched my features that I had gotten away with it.
The comic was ruined, so I had no choice but to sit there in silence while Kenta continued with whatever he was writing. That was fine, though, I was far too occupied with slowly going back over what I had read in order to try to comprehend the information properly.
Not surprisingly, a lot of it was terminology that I'd never heard of, chemicals that I didn't know and phrasing that held context I was entirely missing. There were a few key things that I picked up on though; the pills I'd been made to take were designed to suppress my Kekkei Genkai's natural inclination to completely filter substances from my blood that didn't help toward the normal functions, and a variety of other things that boiled down to prepping my body for the injections so that my system accepted them without killing me.
Additionally, through reading between the lines it became clear that whoever Nagao was subordinate to was not overly invested in me as an experiment. I was Nagao's pet project in an attempt to prove himself to his leader, and to prove that the ultimate goal of the project was worth greater funding and attention.
I was here to show that a body was capable of holding two active Kekkei Genkai at the same time, without evolving into one Kekkei Genkai unrecognisable from the original two, without one coming out as the dominant gene and suppressing the other, and without the body being destroyed by two co-existing Kekkei Genkai.
Ultimately though, what horrified me in a dull defeated way that sat at the bottom of my stomach like lead was the discovery that if I stopped having injections, the long term effects of the pills would destroy my digestive system and cause irreversible damage to my chakra coils. I was stuck here until at least the last injection.
I had no idea how long they believed this was going to take, and what measures they intended to go to, as well as what they planned to do to me afterward regardless of whether I was perceived as a success or a failure.
The information and questions and what ifs kept me caught up in my thoughts for hours and hours, through Shion picking me up, and dinner I absently picked at, and a bath I barely paid attention to and touches and caresses and kisses I pointedly ignored. I lay awake all night running what I'd read back and forth, picking through it and rearranging the pieces into something I futilely hoped would reveal more.
The last day before officially joining the JCB was interesting, in that I got a glimpse of what the shinobi trained kids were being told; the slant that they were being taught to view their world through.
JCB was talked of to me as though I was being granted the ultimate privilege, that it was a duty and a responsibility that I had to prove myself worthy of, that I was being given a taste of the power someone could gain full access to if they were hard working enough, skilled enough, loyal enough, smart enough. I was being simultaneously shoved toward patriotism and blind obedience, as well as suspicion toward fellow comrades and the acceptability of cruelty in retaliation to failure.
I was given a route to patrol covering a relatively large area of the compound, encouraged to change up how fast I walked the route to prevent predictability and discourage people tempted to sneak around the JCB patrols. Specific doors were marked on a simplified map of my route, and I was told to perform random checks and inquire shinobi that I came across to open the marked doors – if they were unable to or refused (implying that whatever allowed the adults who belonged in the facility to open doors did not apply to them) I was told to immediately report them to the Nagao or Hiroshi.
Anyone carrying weaponry or shinobi tools was to be reported, anyone carrying or wearing a symbol affiliated with a specific country, hidden village or clan was to be reported, anyone criticising, insulting or speaking in a negative manner about a superior or the facility as a whole was to be reported, I was allowed to demand the name and number of any shinobi I came across and was obliged to hand these into my supervisor at the end of the patrol alongside a physical description of them. Any out of place activity that I observed was to be reported, as well as any children breaking rules.
The rules for the children included dress code, hair cut, speed, noise level, company they were allowed to keep, topics they could talk about, chakra use outside of training rooms, objects they could have on them and the physical contact they could partake in.
Just being informed of it all had me overwhelmed by how much individuality being favoured by Kuchisake had allowed me compared to these kids. I already knew I was very unlikely to inform anyone of kids misbehaving in this place, knowing how they were treated I wouldn't be able to make myself report on a little bit of rebellion they summed up the courage for.
I wasn't looking to gain anyone's trust or favour, above what I had already achieved with Shion, by diligently passing along every little potential disobedience committed by the facility residents. I just wanted some time to goddamned self for once, without the constant pressure of being watched. Thankfully, this seemed like the perfect opportunity.
After a couple rounds accompanied by a stoic ten year old girl who ensured I had the route accurately memorised, I was left to myself the next evening. I was mildly disgruntled that security was a little better than I'd thought it was in the labyrinth of corridors, due to various JCB members having patrols that crossed over each other. In order to ensure a child was a legitimate JCB there was a phrase given in hand signs (that appeared to be based upon a variety of Hidden villages'). Not only that, but each kid had a different phrase, which their supervisor gave them, and became their 'signature' – at the end of patrol, everyone was expected to report which phrases they came across, where they were when it happened and how many times.
If a JCB was somewhere they weren't supposed to be, their supervisor would know by a phrase popping up in an unexpected area. If there was someone passing themselves off as JCB, the phrase would be copied from someone else and clearly wouldn't belong to them, or else it would be entirely wrong. The system wasn't infallible – far from it, but I didn't know enough about the other JCB's skills to be sure that I could trick them with a henge and wander wherever I wanted.
On top of that, my ability to wield and control my chakra had been annoyingly difficult while I was on pills and control had only become more elusive with each injection. I wasn't willing to risk my life as I knew it (my life back home, with Tou-san, because this wasn't living) on an ill thought out escape attempt that had no guarantee of success and every chance of ending with a locked exit and a far more severe punishment than being locked in a pitch black metal chest.
For the time being, I comforted myself with the knowledge that having some mental space – as much as I could while being held against my will – was more than I'd had for weeks.
It felt like I woke up one day and realised my veins were a frighteningly dark colour leading from the inside of my elbow to the inner wrist of the arm the injections were given to. Despite the panicked expression on my face, Kuchisake was quick to assure me it was to be expected and there was nothing to worry about. The greyish blue that they had turned had happened slowly, I knew, but the day by day difference had slapped me in the face suddenly.
When I checked, I could see that Scarred'n'Scowly and Little Heart Wrencher both had darkening veins – Little Heart Wrencher was a fair few shades paler than either of us and her darker veins stood out disturbingly against her skin.
After that I couldn't not notice it. Every day the veins in the arm became a little darker and I watched with crawling skin as it spread from the inside of my forearm to my palm, and then crept insidiously along my upper arm. It felt like the black ink was replacing my blood entirely, rushing through the veins and arteries of that arm, too watery and thin. It looked like I had been poisoned and it was slowly approaching my heart to kill me.
At times Kuchisake seemed just as disturbed as I was, her touches becoming lighter and more hesitant. As the dark colour spread along my arm she seemed to become more and more erratic. She began to snap on occasion, making me repeat how much I loved her over and over again all the while insisting that I needed to say it until she really felt the emotion in my voice and saw it in my eyes. Even during times I managed to temporarily shove my fear to the side, she insisted on comforting me and insisting I'd be fine, almost manic in the repetition.
Even though I wasn't having an easy time, I could see that Scarred'n'Scowly and Little Heart Wrencher were having a worse experience. Whatever the injections were doing to me, they were doing something altogether different to the other two. The two were rapidly losing weight, losing pigment in their skin, their energy low. It was a bit like what I'd looked like while on the pills, but with the added darkening veins gradually overtaking their limb. One day Little Heart Wrencher's hair began to fall out in chunks and I cried at the blank expression on her face that still conveyed so much pain and confusion.
Scarred'n'Scowley's hair began to fall out shortly after that, though they cut his hair off completely before it had a chance to part with him chunk by chunk.
I couldn't bear the way they looked together after that; too solemn, too thin, too pale, dull eyed, too still, blackening blood, sitting on the training room floor together without a word as she trailed her little ribbon around and he half heartedly scowled at the ground. So I stood up, motivated by sheer desperation to see at least one of them look like they were more than a day from death.
"I think it's time I showed you how awesome I am!" I stood in front of them, hands on my hips, moving and speaking in an exaggerated manner. I was mostly making it up on the spot, behaving somewhat outside of my comfort zone, but I had their – baffled and vaguely irritated looking – attention.
"What?" He wrinkled his nose in faint disgust at me. She stared solemnly at me, a slight tilt to her head.
"You're about to see the most amazing show you've ever seen in your whole life!" I declared enthusiastically, uncomfortably aware that I was attracting eyes from those around me training.
With that, I proceeded to practice a few of the more difficult athletic and flexibility routines Gai had designed for me, singing half remembered songs from the handful of Japanese albums I'd heard in my original world and making up the rest.
I was surprised by my own voice – clearly untrained and a little wobbly from the combined exercise and singing, but with a pleasant clarity and purity to it. In my last life, my singing had been completely average verging onto bad, and I'd not even thought to try without a sound track to prompt me in my new life.
My impromptu mess of a show certainly gathered attention from everyone around me, but since no one stopped me I ignored them. I was more focused on the awed expression on Little Heart Wrencher's face, her dimple adorable, and the begrudgingly impressed tint to Scarred'n'Scowly's smirk. Neither of them laughed or outright smiled at any point, but what I'd achieved was enough.
I finished with a bow, lightly panting, only to be startled by clapping behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see Kuchisake looking delighted at me as she clapped. After a few more lingering stares and side glances everyone nearby seemed to turn their focus back onto their work, and I came to the realisation that I'd been so intent on blocking them out that I'd missed Shion coming into the room at some point.
"Well done, Sweet thing! I knew you were flexible but I had no idea you were this good! That was very imaginative – and the songs! I don't know whether you heard them from somewhere or made them up but I've never heard anything like it. Were you putting on a performance for these beauties here?"
I shrugged awkwardly, some of Subaru coming through at being caught off guard while already out of my comfort zone, "Aa, they were looking like someone just told them Nattō for breakfast lunch and dinner from now on."
Shion laughed abruptly, looking surprised as she did so, and I swiftly clamped down on my words.
"Very funny. That's very generous of you, trying to cheer them up. I'm sure they're thankful," her grin turned a little too intense, crinkling her scars as she stared at me for a beat too long.
Her gaze shot past me and landed on the other two, "Come and say thank you and goodbye, you two."
Scarred'n'Scowly and I glanced toward each other, unsure what to make of this new demand. Nevertheless, he slowly stood up and helped Little Heart Wrencher onto her feet before they approached. We stood a few feet apart staring awkwardly for a few seconds until Kuchisake tutted.
"Come on, it's not that difficult. Give her a hug," She steered Little Heart Wrencher forward with a hand on her back until the little girl nearly face planted against my shoulder. I hesitantly raised my arms and loosely wrapped them around her – feeling weird at the reminder of how little difference in height there was between us. Her head came up to the bottom of my nose as she silently returned the hug – just as hesitant as me – and after a moment I gently rested my cheek against the top of her smooth and baby soft head. My heart clenched painfully and I closed my eyes against the hurt I felt. I just wanted to hold her until everything was okay. I wanted to be able to give her those seemingly magical hugs most parents could give that made everything seem okay again.
She stepped back at Shion's prompting, and my arms tingled with the loss. I resented her in that moment, for making me do that when there was a reason I didn't directly interact with the little girl if I could help it. I resented her just as much for ending it too soon.
When she steered Scarred'n'Scowly toward me for a hug there was an intent in her movement that had me on edge. When we met eyes I saw a similar awareness in his, but he merely made a vague grumbling noise and gave me a brief hug that would have smothered me against his shoulder if it hadn't been so short.
When he went to take a step back, her hand stopped him. She looked at both of us with a sort greedy curiosity, "It's only polite to kiss him goodbye, Sweet thing."
Her words sounded matter of fact, but there was an eagerness that betrayed her. My brain stalled for a moment at the request.
"Kiss him?" I repeated, more to let the reality of it sink in than to confirm I'd heard correctly.
"Yes. You have to kiss him like I kiss you," she insisted. I looked from her to him, taking in his sickly vulnerable appearance, his resigned grimace. He was just a child.
My breath stuttered in automatic revulsion at even the notion, and I leaned as far as I could away from him without taking a step back.
"I… uh, I don't…"
"Kiss him," her voice edged onto a demand.
I looked at his small, childish lips and craned my neck as far back as possible, my stomach churning.
My limbs were filled with tension as I saw him heave an annoyed sigh and roll his eyes. He leaned toward me and my head filled with panicked white noise. There were lines I was absolutely not willing to cross, and this was one of them.
At the last second I tilted my head around and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, looking desperately back at Shion in the hopes that would suffice.
She frowned at me, her scars twisting in displeasure, "No, Sweet thing. On the lips."
I stared at her for a moment, trying to think of how to get away with not doing this without pissing her off. My mind drew a blank and I realised it was probably impossible.
"No," I finally replied quietly.
Her expression darkened a little, "No?"
"I don't want to," I took a step back from him and refused to look at anyone but her.
"You have one chance to change your mind, and then you're in big trouble," she stated coldly.
I shivered a little at the pale eyes boring into me, but repeated without hesitation, "I don't want to."
"Right," she replied firmly, straightening up and grabbing my wrist, "I'm sorry this has to end on such a sour note, beauties, but this little one still struggles with obedience on occasion. We'll see you tomorrow." Fucking obedience. Kami I hated that word.
With that, she marched me out of the room at a brisk pace, her grasp too tight. I hurried to keep up, failing on occasion and having to be hoisted up by the arm to maintain my balance.
She ushered me into our room with a coldly furious silence and slammed the door shut behind us.
For uncomfortable seconds she just glared at me, before she let loose, "You do not get to do that! You don't get to say no to me when I tell you to do something. Do you have any idea how bad that makes me look when you stand there and defy me?! Do you? You humiliated and insulted yourself, you humiliated and insulted everyone in that room by making them witness that and ultimately you humiliated and insulted me. I'm the only one in this place that loves you, Sona. I'm the only one who wants the best for you and this is how you repay my efforts? Selfish! That's what you are. Selfish and Ungrateful. How dare you! I've raised you to know better than that-"
I zoned out, unwilling to listen to this litany of bullshit. It sounded like every other lecture I'd been given as teenager and I gave as much appreciation to them now as I did then – none at all.
I simply stood in silence and practiced the long mastered art of looking contrite and regretful while not paying attention, judging by the rise and fall of pitch and the moments of pausing for breath when the appropriate time to make some sort of sorrowful acknowledging noise.
Eventually she wound down, panting a little and a flush high on her cheeks. I absently pondered on how beautiful she looked while sounding like a complete dick.
"Your punishment will last until you need to go to medical today," she stated, pulling me toward the chest and unlocking the two padlocks on the front. I was picked up and placed inside, the lid shutting and light replaced with pitch black.
I remained silent as Shion puttered around the room for a few minutes before the door open and closed, footsteps signaling her exit. I waited a few minutes more to ensure she wouldn't return before I blew out a breath and made myself as comfortable as I could in the cold metal chest. At least I had plenty of wiggle room compared to the last time.
Being locked in a box may have worked to upset and frighten the kids, but I wasn't claustrophobic and I'd spent a few particularly anxious and depressed years crawling into dark tight spaces around the house just to escape from reality and people and stimuli for as many hours as possible. This was nothing.
I was fairly bored after about half an hour and began to tap rhythms in the box, listening to it vibrate all around me, and began to sing songs in English with my newly discovered voice. I was just finishing 'Cruela De Vil' when I heard the door open. Well, speak of the De Vil.
She barely looked at me after the padlocks clanked the lid opened. I was simply lifted out of the chest, given the option to use the toilet and then hurried out of the room.
"Tomorrow I expect you to do as you're told," she simply said, giving me a brief kiss and leaving me to medical's tender mercies. The implication that she would ask me again tomorrow had me gritting my teeth and avoiding eye contact with everyone during the injection as I dealt with my anger.
Hiroshi stayed with me afterward, performing the regular tests on my chakra and blood and brain that they did. Once he was finished, glad to get an opportunity to stretch my legs after being stuck in a cramped space for hours, I slid off the chair without waiting to be helped off.
Whether it was a different chair than the one I usually sat in or it had been damaged since the day before I wasn't sure, but as I slid off the chair I felt a sharp edge of metal cut through my skin like a razor. A sharp hiss had Hiroshi looking over at me, his quizzical face looking even more quizzical and confused than usual.
"Is there a problem?" He asked calmly. I twisted my leg and leaned over to check the back of it, grimacing in dismay at the blood that beaded up in a two inch gash and dripped steadily down my leg.
"I cut myself on the chair," I replied, plaintively.
"Let me take a look," he approached, guiding me to step away from the chair and bent down to check, making a humming noise at the blood dripping down my leg.
"Nothing dangerous, don't worry. Easy enough to heal up. Hold still for a moment," he frowned in concentration. A hand covered in translucent green fire entered my vision just before it touched my leg.
Oh shit.
And then I was connected to him. Mind to mind and humanity to humanity. I knew him. I acknowledged his existence and his history that lead to him to the man he was. I acknowledged his validity as a person. I saw deep into the heart of him and I understood that he was doing the best he knew how from his personal experience of the world. I didn't just know it. I understood. All there was to do in the face of such understanding was to accept him. Accept him wholeheartedly, for the human he was and love his perfect flawed humanity. And then share that love back, because why would I not?
Ascending higher and higher in that moment of sharing, and then floating gently… gently back down.
After a long moment, I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was my hand reaching back to grasp his shoulder. I knew in that moment that he'd experienced the same thing as me. The question was how he'd react.
I met his stare, boring into me with naked awe and joy. His hand slowly released my healed leg and he whispered, "What did you do?"
His hand began to shake as he sat back on the floor, staring around him as though to find physical proof something monumental had just happened. I wanted to tell him. Kami, I wanted to tell him everything. He'd looked at me for the first time like I was genuine human being rather than a sentient test subject. With the high of the connection still in the process of fading, I just wanted to share more of myself with him.
[If he really views you as a person, he will understand caution. Lie. If this lasts, tell the truth later. Remember the priorities 1. Functional physical body and mental faculties 2. Return to Tou-san 3. Personal pride and non-rigid moral boundaries]
"I-I don't know. I didn't do anything. You did your chakra thing and then…"
He was still looking at me in awe, but I thought I saw scientific curiosity enter just around the edges.
"I see… then repeat tests are needed, of course. Control the parameters, change some of the variables each time, use the equipment to measure the results…" he began to mutter, looking truly enthused for the first time since I'd seen him.
My heart sank at his words and I resisted the urge to hit him.
"I have JCB patrol," I softly interrupted, redirecting his attention.
"Hm? Oh, yes, you're right. Tomorrow, then," he waved me off, and then returned to muttering about hypotheses.
Tomorrow. Fuck.
I patrolled in angry silence, mentally chewing over the shit stain adults I was surrounded with and their beliefs that they had the right to just demand my morals and my spirit for their own amusement. The anger bubbled and built and frothed and surged the more I thought about it, until angry tears built in my eyes and I lashed out at the nearest door with a punch.
My heart almost jumped out of my chest when the door smacked open, hit the wall with a loud bang and then slammed shut again. Startled out of my anger, I checked either side of the corridor and then hesitantly approached the door. I reached out and tested the handle. Locked. With a huff I shook my head and continued walking – I didn't know what else I'd expected, it had probably been someone not closing the door properly.
I wasn't entirely sure why I kept testing the handle each time I completed a round. Partially as a check mark and partially out of boredom. There was a tiny part of me that was curious, though, to see if the door could be opened. It was a bit like pressing the refund coins button on vending machines; you could go years without any money being spit out by it, but that didn't prevent you from trying over and over again.
Right at the end of my patrol, I pulled the handle down and the door opened. Well, shit. The door lock was faulty. I took a quick glance inside – all I had time for – hoping for weapon storage, but was instead faced with a room full of files and about five computers.
I closed the door and made my way back to our room, knocking to be let in and considering any benefits of the lock being faulty to a room which served little purpose to me. It was a long shot, but maybe there was a chance that the error in the lock was something that happened to multiple doors – some leading to more useful rooms. Plus, it was filled with files- and files contained information. Something in there could be helpful to me in some way. I mentally snorted at myself, yeah that sounded promising.
Shion was gentle and softly spoken with me that evening, taking care to wash me and warm me up to her again. Speaking of fresh tomorrows, and forgiveness and unconditional love and family. When we lay down together, finding myself unable to sleep once again, Shion murmured lovingly in my ear, "Would you like a story to help you sleep?"
I nodded silently, physically relaxed and sinking into her embrace but mentally distant.
Kuchisake, likely picking up on my interest in her autobiographical stories, began where she'd left off before. She depicted her sexual relationship with the gang leader her family owed money to as one that began with mere physical attraction – from both sides – and developed into a twisted fondness filled with facades and the unspoken power difference. As the months went by he began to talk to her a little outside of their physical encounters, which evolved into meals and drinks and training together. He became something resembling obsessed with her, and she believed herself in love despite her wishes.
When the end of the year approached, she had only paid back a fraction of the debt and, terrified for her family's life, she once again threw herself at his mercy. He easily gained the promise from her that as long as she came whenever he called for her company, he would extend the debt repayment for another year.
She claimed that she knew then, from the way he held her as he said it, that he would extend the debt repayment each year for as long she needed it, in the hopes to make her stay with him long enough to choose to leave her husband for him.
Another year passed with them together and Kuchisake living a double life to pay her husband's debt back. She planned on once more asking for an extension, believing that due to the increase in infrastructure and order in Amegakure, more missions would be coming in soon - allowing her to pay back the remaining debt in the next year. Before she could do so, though, her husband caught on to her affair.
Having been suspicious for some time, he finally decided to hire someone to find out what she was doing when she wasn't on a mission or with family. They were far better than Shion at going undetected and she didn't catch them before they brought the news back to her husband.
She was quiet for a long moment after telling me this, and I found myself intrigued enough to ask, "What did he do?"
"I returned home that evening unaware that my husband knew. He seemed so… calm. Happy. He greeted me with warmth that had been missing from our marriage for years. He had cooked dinner for us – my favourite. I was moved by his thoughtfulness and kindness that evening, as we talked and I enjoyed his company like I hadn't done in a long time. I had hope, then, that the spark which had been missing might reignite. We drank tea together and discussed our daughter, connecting over our shared love for her. And then I began to slur my words. Before I understood what was happening, my fingers would do nothing but twitch and I lost balance. I fell to the floor, unable to move, and saw my husband staring down at me.
"He told me he knew what I had done. He was furious with me. He shouted for a long time, working himself up into a rage. He told me that women like me use our beauty to destroy men's lives, and then he told me that he would ruin me so that no one would find me beautiful anymore. He took a kunai and placed it into mouth, in the corner, and then he cut my mouth open. He did it slowly, so that it wasn't a smooth line, and then he did the same to the other side.
"I believe he would have done more, but at that point I began to have an allergic reaction to the tea, of all things. He had bought a new one I hadn't tried before, so that I wouldn't recognise the flavor of the tea as altered by the drug. Not truly wishing me dead, he took me to the hospital and claimed I'd been attacked.
"It took me a little while to recover, and while I was in the hospital the deadline of the debt repayment passed. I didn't know that I had been visited while in the hospital by the man I had fallen in love with, and true to my husband's words he did not find me beautiful anymore. He was angry that my husband had taken this from him, and so he used the debt repayment as an excuse for revenge.
"I returned to my husband to take my daughter from him and seek asylum with my Love, only to find my home covered with blood. My husband was in so many pieces that only his head was recognisable – carrying a tortured expression. My Little Raindrop had been stabbed in stomach and had bled out over days, locked inside the house, alone and surrounded by my husband's dismembered remains. For a long time after that, life was without meaning for me. I wished I had died with them. But now I have you, Sweet thing. I have family again."
There was a pointed pause after she said this, and I dutifully added, "I love you, Kaa-chan."
I felt her smile against my skin and she held me tighter, "I love you too. Sleep now."
I didn't sleep.
A new, hateful, pattern emerged. I watched with increasing horror as the veins in my arm blackened entirely, travelling slowly to my heart and then, once it had done so, outlining the journey of my blood through my body with dark unnatural ink. Far more gradually than the other two, my skin paled to an alarming degree, and although the other symptoms the two showed did not appear in me, I still grew to despise looking at myself in the mirror.
My lips grew to an ash grey and my tongue went a charcoal colour. My skin was grey, my veins and arteries black and my eyes were just-not-okay colour. I'd always had my difficulties wholeheartedly accepting this body as mine, and now more than ever it disgusted me.
Kuchisake and I found ourselves locked in a battle of wills each day, after I spent hours doing everything I could to cheer two increasingly sick kids up, with her determined to make me kiss Scarred'n'Scowly, and me refusing point blank every time. I grew incredibly familiar with the cold metal chest every day, for hours on end, while at night she grew even more clingy and needy for affirmation of our 'love' for each other. Sometimes I wondered if it was slowly turning me insane being locked in there so often or if that was just the facility getting to me in general. I wasted the hours away recounting the songs of my original world and getting lost in the memories they brought.
Every day, at first, Hiroshi forced a connection through medical chakra. He soon discovered that if he had his chakra enter my system, mimicking how someone traps another in a genjutsu but not actually forming a genjutsu, the same result occurred. It would make more sense if he had other people try to achieve the same thing with me, but for whatever reason he kept this all to himself.
To his dismay, the further the black spread in my blood the less my chakra could be directed to do anything, including forge the connection. It became an echo of what it once was and on the day I lost the ability to channel my chakra at all, we lost the ability to chakra connect.
My only reprieve was JCB and trying to figure out the pattern to when the faulty door would unlock or if it was random. I tried to just wait outside the door until it unlocked, in order to time it, but footsteps during each attempt revealed that it wasn't likely to work. Instead I had to time my route and then allow myself a few minutes waiting outside the door, changing the speed of the route until I figured the pattern of the door unlocking.
It took annoyingly long, but eventually I discovered that the door unlocked every twenty three minutes and then stayed open for four seconds before locking again. I only ever had time for a brief browse, discovering the files to be filled with personal and medical information of the facility residents. The only finding of any interest that came from that room was the discovery of the Kuchisake shinobi clan scroll from Amegakure. I never got a chance to look at the inside of it, though.
I arrived at medical the next evening to an argument – more like a mild disagreement – between Hiroshi and Miyako and it sounded like it was about me, though I wasn't paying much attention at first, too busy trying to figure out why Shion had been acting so weirdly over the past few days. She'd been stiff and worried and snappy one moment, and overly sappy and emotional and adoring the next, today on the other hand she just seemed pale and stressed.
"It is unprecedented! We have no idea whether this ability is connected to the Kekkei Genkai, and if it will be affected by the procedure. We can't risk the loss of the opportunity to know more about this ability to connect to other people on such an unbelievably intense level, we must delay stage three," Hiroshi's passionate voice caught my attention. I wasn't aware that we were moving onto the next stage of screwing around with my biology, but apparently Hiroshi was getting cold feet.
"Hiroshi-san, I have heard every argument from you over the last few days and it changes nothing. Regardless of your thoughts on it, Nagao-taichou has spoken on the matter. There can be no delays, and indulging in your borderline treasonous desires isn't something I'm willing to consider. My team will carry out Nagao-taichou's orders with or without you. If you have an issue with this, take it up with him."
Hiroshi stared disappointedly at Miyako for a long moment before he sighed and turned his head, "Kenta-kun, prepare the equipment."
With no idea what was going on, but wary of the full team present – all five women, Hiroshi and Kenta – I was ushered toward the back of the room by Shion and changed into a hospital gown. Everyone in the room was busy with something; washing their hands, checking equipment, taking notes, fetching medical instruments.
"What's going on, Kaa-chan?" Anxiety and nerves practically dripped from my voice, and I clung to Shion when she picked me up. I was carried to the hospital bed and directed to hold my scarred arm out for them to swipe with what I assumed was an antibacterial wipe, before they inserted an IV. The fluid in the bag was clear and I had no idea what it was going to do.
"Shh, it's okay Sweet thing. It's all going to be okay," Shion soothed, stroking my hair gently, "You're just going to go to sleep for a little bit, and then you'll wake up again. That's all that will happen." She leaned over to kiss me, her face tense with worry.
They were doing some sort of medical procedure on me unconscious. What was so invasive that they deemed it less hassle to knock me out? They hadn't particularly seemed to care for causing less pain and distress for me and the children before. My heart began to thump in my chest, and I was frighteningly aware that the increased rate was probably carrying whatever was in that bag through my blood stream faster.
"Move, Shion," Ike snippily demanded. She took a step back and revealed Ike holding what I assumed was laughing gas. I knew better than to expect any help if I asked for it, so I withheld my pleas for someone who gave a shit.
"Will I still be me when I wake up?" Was all I allowed myself. This was happening and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
"Of course, Sweet thing. You'll hardly notice a difference," Kuchisake's voice wobbled slightly. I wasn't sure whether she was lying or not, but I didn't have time to think about it because the mask was placed over my face.
I didn't breathe for long seconds, trying pointlessly to delay the inevitable.
"I can hold this here all day, brat," Ike sounded irritated. Eventually I gave in, taking a huge gulp of the gas.
Another deep breath of the gas.
One last breath.
BTW: Junia Chian butai means (I hope) Junior Security Forces
We're getting to the last leg of Sonaru's time here in the facility! Part one of my huge chapter split into three different chapters will be posted after this.
What do you think Sonaru will wake up to?
How much do you think will change because of the ninshu connection between Hiroshi and Sonaru?
Just so you know, if I had it ready the chapter after this would be from Kakashi's POV and when I write it that is where I'll be slotting it.
For anyone who feels this triggers their own trauma and needs to talk to someone:
UK
Samaritans number (24/7): 116123 -from any phone
Or 0330 094 5717 -local charges apply
Alternatively you can go to: h ttps:/ /www. nhs. uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/ and find whichever helpline you feel most covers your needs. Obviously take out the spaces between the h and t, the two /, and after the two dots.
USA
NAMI number (Monday - Friday 10am - 6pm est): 18009506264
Or NMIH number (Monday - Friday 8.30am - 5pm est): (866) 615-6464
My readers are mainly from the US or UK, so I've included those - if you have a better number or just another one you think I should add, pm me or let me know in your review.
Also if you believe I should include a number from another country, let me know which country, organisation and what the number is and I'll add it.