Disclaimer: I own nothing but the general plot and OCs
Let's call this 'part one' of the end of Sonaru in the facility.
This wasn't supposed to be a chapter by itself so it's not written to be that engaging as a stand alone, sorry about that. (I apologise as though I write my other chapters to be engaging as a stand alone - hint: I don't. I'm far too easily sidetracked mid chapter)
Tbh, this story is so painfully obvious in that it's a first draft. If I ever have the time/inclination after I've finished it to clean it up, I'd be essentially writing it as a second draft and would clean up the grammar, punctuation, everything else, and also cut down the word count by at least half to make every line count so that every scene had maximum impact instead of dragging on.
But this is not that story, this is just my lowly first draft with rambling bits, and uber slow pacing and unnecessary details and careful(ish) seeds planted for plot points that won't ever come to fruition.
Now just imagine Kakashi is out there kicking ass and taking names but not quite yet knowing where Sonaru is, because that's what should have been here instead. Soz
(This is the most moral, compassionate, vulnerable, concerned, anxious part Sonaru's mental voice)
(this is also Sonaru's mental voice, angrier, selfish, impulsive, more politically incorrect, more nihilistic)
[This is the most logical Shinobi trained part of Sonaru's mental voice]
No beta, barely any proof reading and no editing. be warned.
Thank you so much for awesome reviews, as well as favs and follows! Let me know what works, or what doesn't work for you, as well as any prompts for scenes you'd like to see.
Chapter 54 - Chased Away All The Sanity In Me
As I slowly surfaced to consciousness, three things were immediately obvious to me; I ached all over, a familiar hand was holding mine, and my mouth was drier than it had ever been.
A quick assessment of my other senses once my brain had booted up told me I was in medical, with Shion the only one in the room. I opened my eyes slowly, squinting as light hit my eyes and made them water, blinking rapidly.
"Hey, Sweet thing. Don't speak just yet, take a sip of water first," She squeezed my hand, her voice flooded with relief. My vision remained concerningly blurry while I struggled to sit up.
"Here let me help you," She scooted my body until I was sitting against the headboard and placed a small glass of water against my lips, "take small sips, Sweet thing."
I sighed at the deliciously cool liquid wetting my bone dry mouth and throat, struggling not to tip the glass up and glug the whole thing down. As I drank, my eyes finally focused properly and I glanced at Shion, sitting by my side and looking at me with a creepy intensity that bordered on manic.
I finished the glass of water and sat back with a relieved sigh, absently wiping my mouth only to freeze at the sight of my hand and arm.
I lifted my other arm and stared at them, turning my hand round to see the same on the other side. A quick check to the rest of me confirmed my hopes; my blood was back to normal.
My skin was still a little pale but that probably had more to do with the fact that I hadn't seen the sun in months. The rest of me, though, had a light pinkish toned flush to it that it had had previously, with the veins back to their normal blueish green tinge.
"Your body flushed it all out during the procedure," Shion interrupted my ogling.
When I looked at her, the expression on her face was soft and pleased and fond, but there was still something wrong with the way she was looking at me.
"So no more black wee?" I checked – perhaps the only part of this entire thing that I hadn't minded was pitch black urine, which part of me had thought was kind of cool.
"No, no more black wee," she chuckled, reaching out to stroke my hair and run her fingers through it, which I belatedly realised felt a little odd.
With a confused frown, I ran my fingers through my own hair, "My hair is shorter than before… so is yours." It was a statement, but my voice held a question in it.
"Yes, we cut your hair while you were unconscious because I didn't think to do it before the procedure, and the length was a bit inconvenient. I cut my hair while I was at it."
I hid the grimace that wanted to make its way onto my face – I didn't really care about the length or style my hair, but I was a bit particular about other people deciding what it should look like. There wasn't anything I could do about it, so I just nodded.
"When can I leave?" I looked wistfully at the door – still as unopenable to me as ever.
"Hiroshi, Chou and Miyako will return soon, there will be a check up to ensure there aren't any issues that show up now you're awake and you should be free to go by this evening," she soothed, stroking my cheek and still staring at me intently.
"Okay," I closed my eyes and focused on ensuring my body was as relaxed as possible to minimise the deep ache. Kami, it felt a little like after a night of sex with a too-vigorous partner, except everywhere.
We made idle conversation while we waited, and then once the medical team returned I quietly followed their instructions and answered their questions about how I felt.
"The deep ache is to be expected, and should fade over the next week. Apart from that, there should be no other side effects so if the ache gets worse at any point or persists past a week make sure you let someone know," Hiroshi explained to me, when I mentioned the pain.
When they finally let us go and return to our room I couldn't help but release a thankful sigh. I felt unclean, although there was no evidence to show I hadn't been washed while I was unconscious, I felt the need to completely submerge myself in water.
"How long was I out for?" I asked, having put off the question out of deep fear that the answer would be something I couldn't abide.
"Long enough that I missed you, Sweet thing," Kuchisake replied, telling me nothing. My fear deepened at the vague answer and I prayed I hadn't been out for something like three weeks while they did fuck knows to me.
"How long, exactly, does that mean?" I hesitantly pushed.
We approached the door, and Shion blatantly ignored my question, "Lets have a nice warm bath and then an early night. You'll probably be a little tired until the ache goes away – maybe you'll get some decent rest at night, hey?"
I met her eyes and saw something was off. Maybe it was in the slightly stiff expression she wore, the second too long it took for her to blink or the odd stretch to her smile, but the warning bells in my head had me placidly nodding to her suggestion.
I remained cautiously quiet while she washed me and then sat us in the bath, silently watchful as her hands held me with less care than before - a possessive, almost abrasive, squeezing and stroking up and down limbs, down my front and back, through my hair. She stared unblinkingly at me, and I held myself perfectly still in the same manner prey did in the sights of a predator.
"Call me Kaa-chan, Sweet thing. I haven't heard that word from your lips in far too long," I didn't like the way she phrased that, or the hunger barely buried beneath her tone.
"Kaa-chan," I replied, staring past her shoulder to avoid meeting her gaze.
"Hmm," I could hear the smile in that noise and the greedy grasp tighten in response, "say 'Kaa-chan, I love you'."
Swallowing back a grimace, I dutifully repeated, "Kaa-chan, I love you."
She leaned forward over me suddenly, her forehead meeting mine as she grinned in satisfaction, "Yes."
A rough kiss was planted on my lips, "Say it again."
"Kaa-chan, I love you." Another kiss.
"Say it again."
There was something wrong with Kuchisake. There had always been something wrong with the pale eyed woman, but I'd never seen her so consistently unstable before. Trapped in the room with her during the week of recovery, I kept a constant wary eye on her.
During the first morning, when she left the bathroom and saw that I'd put underwear on by myself, she threw a raging fit that worked itself up and up and up until I found myself locked in the metal chest with ringing ears. Less than ten minutes later the lid opened back up and she peered down at me with amused warmth, "There you are, Sweet thing. Were you hiding?"
I was scooped out, mute in my confusion, and laid out on the bed. She held me tight to her for hours after that, and acted as though the morning had never happened.
Ike said something to her on the second day that had her returning in a screaming fury. I huddled in the corner wide eyed while she trashed the room and screeched at such a pitch that I couldn't understand a word of her rant.
She created a fortress out of blankets and pillows after she had tired herself out and hid us away inside it while she kissed me for far too long.
There were phrases she had me repeat back to her over and over again until I wanted to snap at the woman to fuck off. The constant sharp edge her demeanour carried prevented me from doing anything but what she asked of me.
She began to create absurd and far fetched plans for the future, ones that seemed to appear out of nowhere and held no basis in reality, as though they were near guaranteed. Out of fear for her reaction, I played along with her delusion and made no move to question just how she thought these fantasies could possibly come to fruition.
I dreaded her leaving even more than I was uncomfortable with her staying, though, considering each time she had duties to see to outside of the room it was more and more difficult to persuade her that I didn't need to be locked in the metal chest 'for my own safety'.
My skin prickled with a restless need to to get away from her as she descended into unstable psycho-dom, but within minutes of her leaving, the dreaded anticipation of her coming back had me pacing and jittery and wishing she'd return just so I could get the anticipation over and done with. Combined with the ever present ache deep within every limb and organ left me constantly anxious, a low but building panic that had no real outlet or direction.
On the fourth day, I finally got a break from her overbearing smothering and decreased sanity via a trip to medical for a post op check up. There was a weird, charged air between Hiroshi and Kuchisake when we arrived that caused few stilted words to be spoken between them. It was clear that he was dismissing her, and despite the sour expression puckering the scars of her mouth she stiffly left, her eyes lingering on me till the last second.
Things were awkward after she left and I shifted uncomfortably as Hiroshi flicked through my file and didn't look at me.
"Where's Kenta?" I grasped for something to say that would clear the air. Usually Kenta and Hiroshi were together when I visited medical, unless he was forcing the chakra connection on me. But I would be surprised if he did so while I was still recovering and in constant pain - a risk like that didn't seem like him.
I knew I'd made a mistake when his face contorted viciously for a moment before he got himself under control. There was anger and pain, regret and grief, contempt and sorrow.
"Kenta is no longer with us. He was found to have forged a set of medical results. The punishment was... very final," Hiroshi roughly replied. My mind went blank.
[Breathe]
(Poor guy. Lost his mentee for a pointless reason. Goddamn Shion, with her bankrupt sexual morals toward minors.)
(What did Hiroshi expect? He dedicated himself to this path in life, put himself into a situation where this was the modus operandi for mistakes made by kids. Did he think Kenta was ever getting a happy ending? No sympathy deserved.)
(Kami, Kenta didn't deserve this shitty ending. This isn't right. I HATE THIS PLACE)
(Survival of the fittest)
(Death by Snu Snu*. Fucking hell, what a way to go)
(Do I have some responsibility for Kenta's death? In a way, he was tricked into dying for me)
(It's not like I knew or gave a shit about him. He was about fifteen, basically an adult in this world, there were fifteen year old 'adults' in my old world, too)
(If I was pushed to, I could kill a fifteen year old)
(Does that make me a bad person?)
[Breathe]
(What does matter then?)
[Hiroshi is emotionally vulnerable right now, and with Shion losing her mental stability more and more, you need another adult on your side. Hiroshi and Shion have equal authority. A connection has already been formed with Hiroshi due to chakra bond. Now is the perfect time to cross his professional boundaries]
My chakra still wasn't functioning properly, I couldn't make another connection with him yet.
[Tears in your eyes, and physical affection. Deepen that connection from subconscious to conscious]
(Some people would say that manipulating his emotions during a vulnerable time for my own benefit isn't right)
(Some people can go fuck themselves)
I let the angered disgust at Kenta's end and my fear that I would also face such an ignoble death in this place build tears until they spilled over. A little hitch of my breath and my expression folded into a careful combination of sorrow and empathy with a dash of grief.
The discomfort at my tears which showed in Hiroshi's usual quizzical expression was softened by conditioned empathy to me, and for a brief flicker of a moment I wondered if there was something wrong with me that someone like him could feel more empathy for my false grief than I did for his real emotions when we had both been exposed to the same number of chakra enforced connections. It didn't really matter to me if there was, because currently it worked to my advantage.
"I'm so sorry, Hiroshi-san," I sniffled lightly, and took a step forward on my tip toes (I was at a rather unfortunate height otherwise) to wrap my arms around his waist. I felt him tense in surprise and long seconds passed while he hesitated, but eventually my action paid off as uncertain hands settled lightly on my shoulders.
"There's nothing tears will solve, child. Kenta knew better than to do such a thing and he faced the consequences of it," Hiroshi sounded gently weary, but accepting. I wanted to scoff. Sure, blame the pubescent boy for falling to the manipulation techniques of a practiced seductress at least twice his age.
"Perhaps it was for the best," he admitted, pained.
I looked up at him in surprise, anger burning in my stomach for his uncaring remark, "What do you mean?" I forced my tone to remain confused and mildly tearful and took a step back so that I could get a better look at his face.
He frowned thoughtfully, clearly picking his words with care before he said anything and I realised that perhaps the remark had more substance to it than I'd initially prescribed.
"Kenta was never given proper shinobi training... and we will soon be downsizing with military as the future focus."
There was a wealth of context and subtext that I was missing in order to understand why Hiroshi had come to the conclusion that death was the better alternative for Kenta, but I could tell that he wouldn't welcome any further questions.
"Oh," I simply replied, the lack of understanding evident in my voice and expression.
He smiled blandly at me and his eyes cleared as he focussed back on the present, "Now, go and sit down while I take some readings."
The next ten minutes passed in the familiar almost-silence of Hiroshi muttering to himself incomprehensibly as he increased his far-greater-than-anyone-else-alive understanding of my biology.
As he sat quietly, taking notes and humming thoughtfully over whatever he was seeing while I fidgeted - hoping for once that this would take a while so that I could delay seeing Shion for as long as possible. Eventually he looked up at me fidgeting with a thoughtful frown.
"How is the pain since you woke?"
I grimaced mildly and shrugged, "Not too bad. It's getting better every day but I still ache."
He nodded in confirmation, "Your chakra coils will take the longest to recover fully, but inform me if the pain continues by the next time you're brought here."
I raised a worried eyebrow, "My... my chakra coils?" It was perhaps a little too revealing for me, 'a civilian', to be worried about my chakra coils but I just couldn't muster up the caution around Hiroshi that I had forged around everyone else. There was always a lingering sense of connection and understanding between us.
There was something knowing in his expression when he regarded me, and my belly tightened at what that expression might imply.
"Yes, this first procedure primarily affected your chakra," he informed me, and while I was aware he was under no obligation to tell me any of this - which meant the fact that he was doing so was significant - I couldn't help but feel a level of panic at the thought of something which had become a familiar, reliable thing to me being fucked with and potentially becoming unusable.
"Affected how?" I tentatively asked, dreading the answer.
Hiroshi gave me a mildly amused look, "Well, increased efficiency and ease of use initially. Whether we'll have the opportunity to observe the long term effects is unknown thanks to Downsizing."
This time I heard the capital letter to the word that made me realise downsizing was a whole... thing that was happening and not just something to ignore. Before I could say anything, though, Hiroshi spoke again.
"Has everything been as usual between Shion and yourself since you awoke?"
The unexpected question had me pausing for a moment and I hid my suspicion as I eyed him. No everything had not been usual, but what would he know about it? I hadn't given too much thought to possible reasons behind Kuchisake's mental degradation, busy just dealing with the fallout of it.
"Kaa-chan has been... very concerned over me and more upset lately," I delicately replied.
He hummed thoughtfully but said no more and I was left wondering why he gave a shit. Further conversation became unwelcome as Hiroshi turned his back to me and once more focussed his attention onto my medical files.
Before long, Shion arrived to pick me up and I ensured my features froze to prevent my disappointment from showing, keenly aware of the two different gazes on me. Her grin stretched too far on her face and her eyes were a touch too wide as they bored into me. I stiffened at the speed and intensity with which she moved in my direction, but before she reached me Hiroshi interrupted her.
"Once the girl is fully recovered I intend to put her forward for JCB patrols again. She should be fine to start in another four days after her next check up," there was a passive aggressive note to his voice and a light challenge in his eyes when he looked to her that had me holding my breath.
She stared back at him, emotions warring in her expression and her smile became more akin to a baring of teeth. There was a heavy pause before she replied coldly, "I don't think that should be necessary. She joined due to a conflict in schedules that is no longer a concern."
He tilted his head in agreement, but the challenge remained in his eyes, "That is true. But regardless of the reasons, she is a member and we have a shortage of those available for regular patrols. Every JCB member capable of reliable attendance is needed - Nagao-taichou has made that quite clear."
Her jaw clenched and her entire body became taut as she leaned forward as though prepared to attack. After a few seconds she swayed back with a slight sneer and sourly snapped, "Fine."
Her head shot toward me with a false smile, badly hiding the bitterness and raised a beckoning hand, "Come on now, Sweet thing. Let's get you back to our room."
I cautiously stood and walked to her, slipping my hand into her tight grasp. She pulled me from the room with pointed dismissal toward Hiroshi and walked us back.
There was a tense silence as I waited for whatever outburst she was going to have this time, and it was almost more worrying when none seemed to come. The only sign of abnormal behaviour from her was that she began to run a bath hours before she usually did.
I eyed her carefully when she approached me, her body language attempting affectionate but falling short of the mark - her anger shone through all too clearly.
"Bath and bed, I think, Sweet thing," she murmured as she carried me toward the water filled bucket to wash me in.
My brow furrowed in confusion, "But... it's early afternoo-" a hand over my mouth cut off the last syllable and was quickly replaced by lips.
"Shh," she placed me in the water, her tense posture and tight grip keeping my mouth sealed.
After we had bathed in uncomfortable silence on my part, and I was placed in a towel, Kuchisake held up a bottle of moisturising cream, "I know you've been having some trouble relaxing because of the ache, so lie down on your front and I'll give you a massage."
One look at her face and the automatic denial died before I could speak it. Packed with dread, I stiffly lay down and allowed her to remove the towel. I jumped when her slicked up hands first met my bare skin, but forced myself not to move or say anything.
It wasn't long before Shion began to speak about her day, and for a while everything continued on as normal, her hands pressing and kneading into my muscles. I had almost been lulled into a light doze when she began to get worked up as she spoke about her conversation with Hiroshi.
I was pulled fully out of my warm relaxed state when her hands pressed increasingly roughly into my skin as her words transformed into a full rant. I shuddered, overwhelmed and frightened underneath her fingers, closing my eyes tight and counting to maintain my calm. Her nails began to catch on my skin, and scrape painfully down my back.
"Kaa-chan," I shakily called out, my own nails gripping the sheet below me and trying to pull myself up the bed away from her. Her weight pressed down on my legs which I felt protesting against the angle they were shoved into the mattress, and her snaps and snarls had blurred into a high pitched animalistic ringing inside my ears. I didn't even know what she was saying.
"Kaa-chan," I panted, my heart pounding in my chest and blood rushing alongside the ringing in my ears.
Four nails dug into the skin of my collarbone as her hand wrapped over my right shoulder and her left hand pressed down on the back of my head, shoving it into the bed.
I couldn't see. I couldn't breathe.
Panic raced through my veins. I couldn't do this. I had no idea what was happening.
I called on my chakra and almost cried out at how the ache deep inside me intensified into a sharp burn, the shock making me loose my grip on it.
For endless seconds I was lost in pitch black suffocation, the ringing in my ears and the pounding of my heart and the painful weight on me the only things I perceived.
And then another sharp pain pierced my awareness, the weight on my back and head disappeared and I lifted my head to take a desperate, panicked breath.
I breathed heavily for a moment, my scrambled brain recovering as I registered the cooler air on my skin and and the lack of body covering me. I pushed myself up and quickly scrambled up the bed to face Shion.
She looked satisfied and calm and as though ... whatever the fuck that was hadn't just happened. I stared in bewildered fright for a moment, before the throbbing ache deep within me and the sharp pain in the curve of my neck made itself known.
I smelt blood.
I lifted my hand to my neck and when I pulled it away to look at it, I saw and smelt a smear of blood and saliva on my palm.
My throat clicked a few times as I swallowed in disbelief, "D-did... did you just bite me?"
She smiled benevolently, and I fought the urge to flinch at the sight, "Something to remember me by when I'm not around."
I shivered at her possessive and disturbing tone, but was otherwise silent. What could I possibly say in a situation where I was stuck with someone who was obviously dangerously insane?
She reached toward me, arms outstretched and this time I did flinch backward. Not that it did me any good, as her hands quickly picked me up and held me against her regardless.
"Time for bed. You need to sleep and recover and I have just the safe space for you to rest while I'm busy so no one will bother you and I'll know for certain where you are and nothing can happen while I'm gone," her chatter continued onward, and my heart sank as she got off the bed and headed toward the metal chest.
I didn't even bother trying to persuade her otherwise, hyper aware of the light trickle of blood making its way down my chest.
She placed me, naked and bleeding and still wet, in the metal chest and cooed a loving 'Sweet dreams' at me. I stared blankly up at her until the lid was closed and I was plunged into pitch black.
I curled in on myself, shivering as the metal cooled my damp skin, my forehead pressed to my knees. As soon as I heard her leave and the door click shut, I swiped my fingers across the stinging wound and placed them in my mouth, humming songs that reminded me of better times and swallowing down the sweet salty metallic ambrosia - ignoring the sniffles that occasionally broke up the humming and the watering eyes behind closed lids.
Four days passed... slowly. Each minute that Shion was in the room was a challenge that stretched my mind to what felt like near breaking point. She was gone far more than she was with me, but that was hardly better. With whatever it was taking up so much of her time, I was locked in the metal chest for almost the whole day.
I could do a number of hours at time in complete darkness and solitude, but the unbroken stretches of time were wearing me thin just as much as Shion herself. I was deeply tired, and felt like crumpling in on myself until I was non existent.
When I was next dropped off at medical, I could barely lift my head up enough to look Hiroshi in the eye.
"Are you ill, child?" He asked, sounding slightly concerned. I merely shook my head and took a seat.
There was a moment of silence during which I was sure he was assessing me and trying stare the truth out of me, but I didn't look up to check.
"Very well. Let's get straight on with what should be your last medical check up for a week or two."
The check up passed in the standard manner, up until Hiroshi got closer to me in order to measure my chakra.
He stared at my neck, looking more quizzical than usual for a moment, before his hand reached and gently tipped my chin up and to the side.
"Is that a bite mark?" He asked, a frown clear in his voice. I made a noise of confirmation, and ducked my shoulder a little when his fingers brushed over it.
"Who gave this to you?" He sounded perturbed, and I couldn't help but glean a dark amusement from the fact that out of everything he had seen and done in this facility, it was a simple bite mark that disgusted him. Or maybe it was because the bite mark was on my neck and not another child's.
"Who do you think, Hiroshi-san?" I asked as politely as possible, and winced internally at how dull and defeated I sounded.
There was another pause before he muttered disapprovingly, "You've been picking at the scabs."
"Not me," I denied, with a shake of my head.
He quickly connected the dots and then asked, incredulously, "Why?"
I sighed and shrugged, "To ensure a scar, I think."
He made a disgruntled noise, but made no further comment and continued with the check up.
"Well," he concluded, some minutes later, "You shouldn't be in any more pain. You're completely recovered from the procedure."
"The last twinges and aches disappeared during the night," I confirmed.
"And your chakra? You can use it again?"
I raised a confused brow, "I wouldn't know."
He smiled placidly at me, "The other medical staff may not have noticed, but I certainly know what the calluses on your hands meant before they were worn away."
I looked at him, horrified, and cringed away when his hand reached out to grasp my left wrist. He ran one finger up the pale line on the inside of my forearm that Tou-san had left in the training accident which felt like an age ago.
"This is a cut from a kunai. I've been a medic for long enough to recognise the nuances of scars which tell the stories of their origins," he still sounded so calm, and I tried to maintain an even breathing pattern so that I could think straight, "Now that I know you don't have a chakra disability, and yet your chakra remained the exact same amount for some time until you became unconscious during the procedure, there's nothing you can say to convince me you don't know how to use at least one chakra technique."
I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat, "Okay."
He scanned my eyes, calm and relaxed and never looking more like a threat, before smiling blandly at me, "So I'll ask again, child - can you use your chakra without issue?"
It took me a few tried to formulate my reply, the words reluctant to leave my mouth, "I don't know. I haven't tried since four days ago. I-I panicked and tried to use it and it hurt so badly. It hurt for hours afterward."
He nodded, contemplatively, and loosened his grasp on my wrist. I quickly snatched it back and hid my inner forearm against my stomach like that would remove the last few minutes from happening.
"Hmm, very well. I think the best way to know for certain is to heal what's remaining of the injury on your neck," he mused. With the shitty week I'd been having I felt like I both desperately needed and wanted to run screaming from another forced chakra connection.
"I'm afraid the scabs have been picked at enough that there will be a scar," he told me as he hooked me up the familiar chakra reading devices that he'd used each time he'd healed me.
He once more move my chin up and to the side, and I saw the translucent green fire out the corner of my eye as his hand approached my neck.
And then there was shared euphoria.
My JCB patrol began after seeing Hiroshi, and since my supervisor was Hiroshi himself I was able to begin right away. I'd been given a different route this time, one that passed closer to the area of the facility the kids slept in and so I came across more foot traffic during patrols than usual.
I was once more reminded of how much I found patrolling a relief. Just having some time mostly to myself to unwind and not have to be constantly micromanaging my every expression and intonation was a much needed break. With my chakra having been confirmed to work again, a little bit of peace returned to me from the knowledge that I wasn't completely vulnerable if things got too much.
I had JCB patrols three times a week, and when I wasn't patrolling or with Hiroshi, I was with Shion or locked in the black metal chest. Every single time I reported back to Hiroshi he appeared more and more eager to connect our chakra together and get a few moments of pure bliss, care free understanding and love with another human being. By the second time, he stopped measuring my chakra and making the connection under the pretence of science - it was like he was addicted.
Shion was also getting worse by the day. She never made me bleed again, but her emotions fluctuated from one extreme to the other without any indication of why and her ability to make sense when she spoke began to erode.
The fact that she rarely smelt of sex anymore was another sign to me that there was something wrong. Her attractiveness and ability to seduce was strongly tied up in her self worth, so the fact that she either wasn't even trying or was failing in her attempts was worrying in many ways. Every day she seemed to be falling apart at the seams a little more. It was painful to watch.
With the increased exposure to people while on patrol, I quickly noticed that there was a charged, tense feeling to the facility that hadn't been there before. Something like anticipation or the awful stillness before desolation. The adults weren't smiling, I noticed. They rarely did anyway, but faces were leaning more toward grim or careful impassiveness and movements were those of people marching toward something terrible but necessary.
It had my hackles and my awareness raised, but despite keeping an eye out, I couldn't pinpoint the cause of the change in the facility. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end when I observed the military personnel moving about the hallways and I felt anxiety increasingly tighten around my lungs the more I saw the same signs in each passing shinobi.
Just when I was at the point of convincing myself that whatever had happened to change the atmosphere of the place was of no consequence to me, I ran across fifteen military kids being lead down the corridor by two shinobi.
My brows furrowed at such an unusual sight, and I reluctantly planted myself in their path. The man leading the procession of children came to a stop and looked expectantly down at me.
"Name and number?" I inquired, like I had for many others wandering the corridors before.
"Katsuo Takenaka, 002145," the man built like a brick shit house replied. I nodded and then turned expectantly to the woman in the back.
"Shimizu Akiko, 002688," she spoke up, looking impatient and sullen.
I made a vague noise of confirmation and then pursed my lips uncertainly at the group of kids.
"Even with adult accompaniment, there shouldn't be more than twelve shinobi trainees at a time in transit," I stated, though the question was clear within the sentence.
"They're being moved in preparation for Downsizing," the huge man replied, solemnly.
I eyed the lot dubiously, "Right... I suppose you two wouldn't mind demonstrating your ability to open the door in the next corridor then?"
The woman in the back shifted and looked annoyed, but they both agreed. Prepared to respond to an attack just in case they were imposters, I allowed the two shinobi to lead the way. It took less than three minutes to reach the door and for them both to have no trouble opening it.
"Okay," I admitted, still uncertain, "understand, though, that I haven't been informed by my supervisor of more than twelve trainees being granted permission to move throughout the facility at a time. I'll need to check in with him."
The man gave a quick jerk of his head in agreement, "Very well. Do so." Without further ado, he continued onward, the children following behind - some moving past as though I didn't exist, blank faced, others eyeing me curiously out of the corners of their eyes.
The woman slowed down as she walked by me, a tilt to her head that reminded me of a cat 'innocently' playing with a mouse.
"You're Kuchisake's child, aren't you?" She asked, the slightest emphasis on Shion's name revealing to me her dislike for the woman.
I hesitated before nodding, unsure of where she was going with this, "I am."
She smirked like she knew something I didn't and took vindictive amusement out of it, "Maybe we'll be seeing you, then. Maybe we won't. Good luck." She moved swiftly to catch up to the others, as I watched her in wary confusion. What the hell did she mean by that?
With a sudden sense of foreboding, I hurried to take the quickest route back to where Hiroshi was working for the next few hours, not bothering to conceal my worry when he opened the door after I knocked.
"Come in. I assume you have something to report?" Hiroshi stated as soon as he saw me.
I followed him inside and the door shut behind me. He went to sit down by a worktop covered in haphazard notes, which I assumed he'd just been working on, and looked expectantly at me.
I cleared my throat uncomfortably and resisted the urge to fidget or fiddle with my clothes, "I just passed a group of fifteen trainees being taken somewhere by Katsuo Takenaka, ID number 002145 and Shimizu Akiko, ID number 002688. They told me they were escorting the children in preparation for Downsizing."
There was a light of realisation on his face as soon as I mentioned the last word, "Ah, yes. I thought I might have forgotten something. During the next two weeks you will likely come across more groups of shinobi trainees being moved from the facility. I have a list of names and numbers belonging to those who have permission to act as escorts. You may check the identities of those shinobi with the trainees but otherwise, regardless of the size of the group, just ignore them and let them be on their way."
"They're being removed from the facility?" I was wary about asking further into the matter when it wasn't really my business according to pretty much everyone, but luckily Hiroshi only paused briefly before answering.
"Yes. Among other things, Downsizing involves the removal of trainees from the building." There was something so weighted in his words that a shiver went down my spine.
I was summarily dismissed before I could pull up the courage to ask anything further, and made my way back along the corridors to continue patrolling. On the way, though, I realised I was passing the same corridor where the malfunctioning door belonged.
I wasn't sure if the door had since been fixed, and I couldn't risk hanging around the area to see if it would unlock, but an idea sprung into my mind; the room inside contained computers and what was probably a majority of the files within the facility, so, if I was lucky, the door was still malfunctioning and I could find out an indication of what Downsizing actually meant.
I just had to ensure I timed it so that when my patrol ended, the nearest route between myself and the room Hiroshi worked in during the day included the corridor with the (possibly) broken door.
At least it was something to distract me from how increasingly unpredictable Shion was becoming.
Over the next week more and more military kids were removed from the facility while I was on patrol, all with the same reasoning. Despite rarely seeing children around during my day to day in the facility, the increasing emptiness of the place was almost tangible, making my hair stand on end and anxiety creep up my spine.
During my next medical check up with Hiroshi, I cautiously asked, " How many kids in general are left in the facility?"
For a moment he didn't answer, and then when he looked up at me I could have sworn, underneath his typical confused and curious expression, he looked... sad. I wanted to say he looked haunted, but chided myself for melodrama.
"There are one hundred thirteen children left. One hundred fourteen counting yourself. All medical now," he softly stated, sounding none too happy about it.
"I don't understanding how this will allow there to be a shift toward military focus, considering there are no military children left," I admitted, sounding worried.
He gave a small, false, smile toward me. With a jolt of horror I realised he was attempting to placate and comfort me without being able to drum up the necessary emotions to invest in what he was about to say.
"If all goes well, you won't have to concern yourself with the military directed shift. In the next week, the necessary medical equipment is being moved to follow the shinobi trainees. After that..." The man shrugged and continued to make notes, not saying another word. I quieted suspiciously at him and his avoidance of clarifying what 'after that' meant, but I could tell further questions weren't welcome.
"Well, the effects of the procedure are going well, and your chakra is reacting how it should. Give it another few days and you might even notice some of the effects yourself," he smiled proudly, looking at me for a moment as though I was supposed to share his feelings about the matter. I gave him an mildly unimpressed look and his expression shifted sheepishly, before he cleared his throat and continued.
"After a few weeks or months... well things should theoretically progress, but... I hope... hmm," he scratched his head pensively and I frowned at him, irritated by the vague information.
"What effects am I supposed to be noticing?" I struggled to keep my voice even.
"It's best not to tell you what to expect, so I know your observations aren't affected by it," he waved me off, finishing up his notes and then eyeing me eagerly, "Now, let's finish up with a chakra connection. Hold still."
His hand lit up in green translucent fire and he reached toward me, a hungry look on his face.
To my utter dismay I discovered, as I left to go on patrol, that with the last of the military children gone there was no more JCB. I would have one last afternoon of freedom before I was stuck in one room almost permanently. With a heavy heart I left, hoping to drag out the small amount of freedom I would soon have to give up.
Without groups of children being escorted I barely came across another person and soon the niggling thought persisted that it was the perfect time to wait in the corridor with the previously malfunctioning door in order to see if the door was still broken. It could be my last chance to see what this Downsizing shit was all about.
I hesitated, though; the idea of being caught as the only child still allowed to wander the corridors, obviously doing something I wasn't supposed to be and taken to be punished by an already unpredictably unstable Shion had me too scared to act.
I spent hours patrolling, sniffing the air and straining my ears to find a sign that someone was nearby, my caution edging into paranoia. Every time I summed up the courage to go, I ended up chickening out and then kicking myself for doing so.
Finally, sensing the end of patrol approaching, I growled at myself for being a fucking coward and then said "screw it" and marched myself toward the corridor.
With hair standing on end and a jittery feeling in my stomach, I anxiously waited at the door - my hand pressed against it - and counted down in my head. When twenty minutes had almost passed, and I had all but lost hope that the door was still broken, I heard footsteps approaching. My whole body tensed to the point of near pain and I resisted the urge to run back. I still had a minute or so before whoever it was turned in to the corridor.
Twenty one minutes were almost up, and the footsteps were getting closer, sweat pricking on the back of my neck, when the door gave beneath my hand. With a split second choice between entering the room and running back to the patrol route, I turned and legged it. I had no guarantee that the person wasn't about to enter that same room, and I couldn't risk it.
Foot traffic picked up at the tail end of patrol enough that I didn't get another clear shot at getting into the file room, and when the time was up I felt almost sick with disappointment.
For five days I was given no reprieve, either stuck with Kuchisake who seemed to switch between rage and sadness and frighteningly overwhelming affection, or trapped in the metal box for hours and hours, with nothing to do but hum or sing for my own comfort - a little bit of noise for company and packed with enough memories to prove that the chest and Kuchisake and this facility had not always been my world.
For more than half the time, I was stuck wallowing in my own pee, my child's bladder unable to hold up against so many hours without access to a toilet. It felt like with every hour I became more and more numb, spending an increasing amount of time daydreaming to distract myself from how helpless I was, that something was wrong in the facility and I didn't know what the endgame looked like, that I sometimes wondered if Kuchisake would accidentally kill me in a fit of insanity soon.
*Death by Snu Snu: Futurama reference. Basically means death by sex
And there you have it, the lady is insane. Which was kinda obvious already. But now she's even more insane.
Things are shifting around Sonaru in an already unstable environment, how do you think she'll cope?
What do you think Downsizing will be?
Do you feel bad for Kenta or Hiroshi?
What sort of things might we see from the after effects of Sonaru's operation in the future?
For anyone who feels this triggers their own trauma and needs to talk to someone:
UK
Samaritans number (24/7): 116123 -from any phone
Or 0330 094 5717 -local charges apply
Alternatively you can go to: h ttps:/ /www. nhs. uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/ and find whichever helpline you feel most covers your needs. Obviously take out the spaces between the h and t, the two /, and after the two dots.
USA
NAMI number (Monday - Friday 10am - 6pm est): 18009506264
Or NMIH number (Monday - Friday 8.30am - 5pm est): (866) 615-6464
My readers are mainly from the US or UK, so I've included those - if you have a better number or just another one you think I should add, pm me or let me know in your review.
Also if you believe I should include a number from another country, let me know which country, organisation and what the number is and I'll add it.