Chapter 4

"So what do we do now?" Jacob asked, growing impatient. "The Volturi aren't involved, big deal. Why would vampires attack us? To whom are we a threat?"

"We aren't," Edward corrected him. "But Nessie is. The half-vampires are."

"We can't be so many," I said with a trembling voice, not wanting to hear the speculations in my father's head. "We only know about four others, all in South America."

"Yes," Bella confirmed, "Nahuel and his three sisters."

"Weren't the Volturi supposed to deal with their father?" Esme asked, worried. "Joham?"

"They were," Edward nodded, his mind swirling with so many thoughts that he gave me a headache. "But we don't know if they did."

"So what do you think?" Jasper wanted to know, his mind far away already. "That we should ask Nahuel?"

"That's exactly what I'm thinking about, yes. If Nessie is being targeted because she's a half-vampire, then so will he, or already has been. In either case, we need to contact him as soon as possible."

"It means going there, Edward," Carlisle said, frowning. "Brazilian vampires don't have cell phones. And they're quite difficult to find."

"Oh, I know exactly where they are," Alice assured us with a smile. "But I can't go with you. I'll be needed here."

I concentrated on her, my headache worsening, but I held on. I saw images twirling in her head, possible futures, probable ones, sketchy possibilities. It was madness under her skull. I tried to tune her out, but I couldn't help a groan of pain. My brain was going to explode.

"Nessie?" nine anxious voices rose at once, one much louder than the rest. I sighed, focusing on my mother to empty my mind.

"I'm okay, don't worry. I'll try to remember not to linger in your head, aunt Alice. I don't know how you can stand the mayhem."

"I'm used to it," she said kindly, still worried. "And Edward too. And, good news for us, we can't have headaches."

"Lucky us," Edward sighed, taking my hand and pressing it gently. "Or I would be in pain twenty-four hours a day."

"Already am," I murmured. He kissed my hand, and my mother squeezed me closer. "But what do you mean, aunt Alice?"

"We'll be under attack some more, she said, trying to see the future in spite of Jake's and my presence. She rose on her feet and took a few steps away from us. "Nothing worrisome, four or five vampires, and they won't come together. But Emmett will have to stay, and Jasper too."

"So it'll be Bella and me, Jake and Nessie," Edward said grimly.

"We won't be enough here if Carlisle and Esme go with you," Alice said apologetically, "and we will lose someone if Emmett or Jasper leave."

I shivered, and Edward grabbed a quilt draped on the sofa to warm me. I shot him a grateful look, and he smiled a little. Then he froze, eyes on Alice who stared absently at the coffee table. I saw in his eyes what she was seeing, preferring to linger in the rational mind of my father who sorted out the madness for me.

"Nahuel is coming here," Edward announced, still deep in Alice's vision. "With his aunt Huilen."

"And Zafrina, Senna and Kachiri," Alice added, emerging from her vision. They'll be here tomorrow in the late afternoon."

"They probably have been attacked already," Jasper said, a deep scowl on his features.

"Then it means more attacks here," Carlisle said seriously. "Jacob..."

"I'll call my pack and contact Sam," he replied immediately, jumping on his feet. "Be right back."

He sprinted out of the house and threw his T-shirt away, his whole body trembling. I knew he wouldn't be long, but I was uneasy. What if he were attacked in the next five minutes while alone?

"Leah isn't far," Edward said, reading my face instead of my mind. He knew me so well. "She's running towards him, and nobody's around."

I nodded, a little reassured. I knew that Leah would protect Jacob, of that I was sure.

"Well," Jasper said after a few seconds of silence, "at least we can reasonably think that the Volturi aren't involved."

"Why?" I asked, surprised at his certainty.

"They never split up," he answered me with an indulgent smile. "So if we've been attacked and Nahuel is coming here..."

"Damn," Emmett growled, switching on the TV and focusing on a baseball match with a disgruntled face. "I wanted to smash their withered faces."

"Don't lose hope," Alice said with a subdued voice. "They'll interfere someday. We'll see them again."

This time I was ready, and I reached outside, to Jake's mind. I didn't want my headache to worsen, so I carefully avoided my aunt and my father's minds. Jake was speaking to his pack and Sam, explaining the attacks, the arrival of vampires in the near future, and coordinating with them to keep watch around the Cullen house, two wolves at a time. It reminded me of a bad time, when the Volturi wanted to destroy us, and I shuddered.

"Are you cold, sweetheart?" Bella asked, concerned, tightening the quilt around me.

"No, not cold," I admitted, quite lost.

I saw a quick glance between Edward and Alice, and my father rose.

"Nessie? Can I talk to you?"

I rose too, but kept the quilt on my shoulders, tuning out the concern around me. My overprotective, loving family was worried. I tried to reassure them. "I'm okay, really. Just... overwhelmed."

Carlisle rose too and extended his hand. I put my wrist in it, and he felt my pulse, hearing my lungs better than with any stethoscope. He examined my face quickly, then smiled a little. "You're good, Nessie. But I would recommand a good lunch, and a nap right afterwards."

"Sounds good, Grampa," I sighed.

"I'll take care of the lunch," my mother said, already in the kitchen. I have a feeling that the pack will soon arrive, and these guys are walking stomachs."

"You're right, Bella," Alice said, eyeing me with love and concern. "Everything disappear in a half-hour."

"Come," Edward told me softly. "Let's go to my room."

I followed him without a word, up the two flights of stairs, to the farthest room of the house. I dimly heard all the Cullens leave the house except my mother, who was busy cutting meat in the kitchen. I smelled beef and smiled faintly. She was cooking my favorite beef casserole, no doubt.

"Do you want to sit down?" Edward asked, offering the bed and the couch of his room. I chose the couch. His thoughts were calm, collected, and all about me. I sighed again.

"Don't torment yourself, Dad, I'm okay. Just... it's weird hearing your thoughts, and you not hearing mine."

"Yes. It's all backwards, it seems."

He sat beside me, taking a deep breath, and I heard his mental voice with such clarity that I didn't wait for him to voice it.

"No, I'm not upset. Not yet. Mom already told me that I had to brace myself."

True, he said in his mind. With us it'll probably be all right, most of the time. But don't forget that we have years and years of memories, and some of them very unpleasant. Every one of us, execpt Carlisle and Bella, have killed people at some point. Me more than everybody else, except Jasper.

He paused, and a flash in his mind, one he was too slow to stop, showed me what he was meaning. Hunter of murderers, stalker of rapists. I shivered, and he stared unhappily at me. But I put my hand on his, and he smiled faintly.

"I'm not proud of me. But that's not the worst of it. You'll hear us, all the thoughts crossing our minds, and some are not worth listening to. But when you're outside... it'll be so much worse."

His features contracted, his shoulders sagged, and he gripped my hand a little harder. I only waited, seeing exactly how difficult it was for him.

"Nessie," he said after a few seconds. "You've never been to a school before, and you spent so little time with humans. Your Grampa Charlie and Sue don't count, they're good people. But the others..."

"I have a faint idea of what's waiting for me, Dad," I told him gently, squeezing his hand. "I've read a lot of things. Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Le père Goriot,... I've read about dreadful things. I know that people can do worse with words or thoughts than with guns."

"Then you're more ready for this than I was," he admitted with a smile, a hand on my cheek. "When Carlisle changed me, I was wild for blood, being a newborn, but when I discovered my mind reading, I thought that I was going crazy. Fortunately for me Carlisle's mind is a restful place, not an ounce of bad in him. But when I started to mingle with humans... I avoided it as much as possible, but... I had a hard time staying sane. So much awfulness, so many bad things..."

I could see that the memories hurt him, so I asked him about technicalities.

"How do you tune everyone out? When I want to do that, I focus on Mom, but what about you?"

"Bella is helping me a lot," he said, a smile finally appearing on his beautiful features. "And she doesn't know about it. Before her, I focused on other things, paintings, cracks on the ceiling, my own memories. It was hard. Now I just concentrate on her, where her mind is. And of course she doesn't lift her shield often, so I can't hear a thing. It's so restful. I love her even more for that."

In the silence that followed, I tried to push my shield away. I wanted to be able to communicate with my father. Even though I had told him a few hours ago that I couldn't stand him being in my head, I missed it. More than I would've thought. I concentrated hard, wanting to give him access to my head, and my shield lifted. Not far, it was putting up a strong fight, but I resisted for a few seconds.

I'll work on it, I thought.

You're doing great, he replied silently. You're better at it than Bella.

Not a competition. But I want to be able to talk to you this way.

It's a good thing, but only when you want. Don't strain yourself.

My shield snapped back then, and I breathed loudly. It was very tiresome. I yawned, and he smiled wider.

"One last thing before you have lunch, if you don't mind."

"Yes, Dad?"

"It's about you and Jacob."

I waited, sensing a lecture was coming. But his mild thoughts surprised me.

Just know that you're free to be Jake's girlfriend. And... he cringed a little. You're also free to be his girlfriend in every way. Just... don't forget that you... can have children, so...

I lifted my shield once more, not wanting Bella to hear anything of this. It was so embarrassing, and she was already mad. I'm not in any hurry, Dad. I'd like to have my first kiss first.

Won't be too long, I'd wager.

And you'd probably win.

He embraced me then, and kissed my forehead. "You've grown up so much, Renesmee. I'm so proud of you. And you're lucky to have Jacob. He's a good guy."

"Yes, I think so. And... I love you, Dad. And Mom. So much."

We'll always be there for you, do anything for you.

I threw myself against his chest then, moved by the burning intensity of his love. He kissed my forehead once more, then chuckled at Jake's loud thoughts as he entered the kitchen.

"Your boyfriend's missing you."

"I'll go see him."

"Better have a full stomach before any major move," he added mischievously.

"You and Mom planning to hunt, or what?" I said innocently, beaming.

He laughed, and said "Yes. We were interrupted this morning, but I smelled a couple of mountain lions not far."

"Good hunt."

He laughed again, younger than ever, and I followed him to the kitchen. Bella was stirring her casserole, Jake sitting at the table next to her, and both of them shot us a strange look.

"Bella, love," Edward said, trying to keep a straight face, "do you...?"

"On my way," she said, not smiling. She shot daggers at Jacob again and hissed "Behave", before putting her stirring spoon in my hand. "Another twenty minutes for the beef, and you're good. " She made an effort to smile at me, and I tried to stifle my laugh. Even though I couldn't read her mind, her thoughts were pretty clear.

"Bella," Edward said gently for my sake. "Don't turn too Charlie-ish, please."

"I won't," she said, but her features softened. She kissed my cheek lightly, then exited the kitchen, Edward on her heels. I sighed, and Jake's thoughts were matching my own.

"She doesn't like the way our relationship is heading," he said softly, getting to his feet.

"It seems not," I shrugged, turning to the stovepot and stirring the meat. "But she doesn't have a say in it."

"No, she doesn't."

I shivered, but it was anticipation. Jacob was decided, at last. It had taken him much time, too much time for my taste, to finally see me as his girlfriend. And now, as I read his thoughts, I couldn't help a feeling of triumph. I loved him so much, and he would be mine at last. He walked right behind me and put his big hands on my shoulders.

"Nessie..."

I turned, and without another word he bent forward, and our lips met for the very first time. I believed I knew everything about him. I was wrong. I still had to discover the Jacob in love, the fire consuming him, the softness of his lips on mine, the satin of his caresses on my exposed skin. As for myself, from the second our lips touched, I was drowning. Drowning in him, in love; shot by arcs of electricity tingling everywhere in my body, a low fire burning in the pit of my stomach, goosebumps on every inch of my sensitive skin. It was bliss, it was happiness, it was right. It was love.

We kissed for a few moments, learning each other, and I wouldn't have said no to continuing, but I heard thoughts before noises, and I pulled back a little, my arms still around Jake's waist.

"Your pack's coming," I sighed.

He was breathing loudly, his self-control barely keeping up, but he released me, making me cold. I smiled faintly and put a hand on his cheek. "We have time, Jake. I'm yours."

"Same," he whispered, voice rough and pupils dilated. "Always."

I pecked him on the lips again and turned around. The meat was ready, and it smelled amazing. I stirred it some more, my back leaning in Jake's big torso, and he started to kiss my neck and caress my arms. I'd lose it sooner than later, but I was saved by loud whoops.

"Heyyyyy, I say! Look at that! Jake's finally moved!"

"Good morning, too, Quil," Jake cringed, taking a step back with a last kiss on my collarbone. "Hey Embry, Seth, Leah." I greeted them too with a smile. It was good to see them again.

The Quileutes entered the kitchen, but Leah lingered in the doorway, ill-at-ease as always. I heard her thoughts and said "Jake, Seth, can you set the table under the porch? Let's enjoy the sun."

Jake smiled at me, thanking me in his head, and I winked. I knew Leah couldn't stand the "leech stench", and she'd rather eat raw meat than put a toe inside the Cullen house. But I didn't want to antagonize her. She was a member of the pack, and she had helped me.

The boys set the table, and I soon joined them with the casserole. Jake had even talked Leah into sitting with us, a miracle. What a weird day.

"Mmmh, beef casserole with potatoes," Seth beamed, filling his plate with evident pleasure. "Bella's recipe?"

"She made it," I confessed with a smile. Seth was such an easygoing guy.

"Well, I'll tell her it's way better than my mum's," Embry said, eyes glinting. "And if your cooking is as good as hers, then Jake's a lucky man!"

"Quiet, Embry," Jake complained lightly. "I want to eat in peace."

"No way!" Quil mumbled, his mouth full. "Not when you've finally kissed Nessie! We should celebrate! Where's the champagne?"

I chuckled as Quil and Embry teased Jacob some more, and Seth laughed with me. Only Leah wasn't paying attention, eating with a grimace but emptying her plate nevertheless. Then she rose abruptly and said "Well, I'm going. I'll take first watch."

"No need to stress, Leah," Jake said, patting his bulging stomach. "We're here, so nothing will happen just now."

"I don't like being here," she snapped, shooting me a furious glare. Jake was about to tell her to behave, but I spoke faster, ignoring her bitter thoughts. "Thank you for this morning, Leah. And I'm sorry if you don't like being here."

"Sorry", she scoffed, disdain thick in her tone. "Of course you're not sorry. You enjoy it, being everyone's favorite. Everyone going out of their way to protect you. Don't say otherwise."

Anger erupted in me so fast that I didn't have time to react. Fortunately Jake did. He grabbed me and threw me away from the table in time for me to change into a werewolf before crushing the table or hurting the people around it. I landed hard on the lawn, giant wolf again, and I was snarling furiously at Leah, who looked... pale. She was rooted to the spot, too stunned to change. For the first time, she was afraid of me. She never thought that I would defend myself. And I wanted to bite her, to rip her body limb by limb. I wanted to destroy her. Bloodlust was drowning my reason, a killing instinct stronger than anything I'd ever felt engulfing my thoughts. Without thinking, I lunged, jaws open, at her.