Chapter 5

A split second before I could reach Leah's throat and tear it open, something fast and hard collided with me, sending me back towards the porch railing. I crashed through it, landing hard on Esme's flowers, and groaned. My ribs hurt, but the pain was nothing. I wanted blood to be spilled. I jumped on my paws again and bounded, only to be thwarted by the same powerful force, grabbing me around my large body and throwing me further. In a flash I recognized my uncle Jasper, deadly and fast, right before I crashed into a tall fir tree at the edge of the forest.

Dazed, blood running from my temple, I rose again, my paws shaking under my weight. I could see the wolves, no longer human, even Leah, bracing themselves under the porch. I could see my aunts Alice and Rosalie standing in front of them, facing me with eyes wide with worry. I could see my uncles Jasper and Emmett, the closest to me, arms extended and ready for my attack, faces grim. I barely registered Jacob's pleading shouts in my head, trying to reason with me. But I was still in a frenzy. I had no reason left. What was happening to me?

"Nessie," uncle Jasper said, wary but speaking calmly. "You're experiencing bloodlust. Like a newborn vampire. The venom must have infected you. But you must calm down. We don't want to hurt you. And you don't want to hurt anybody, do you?"

I could feel the wave of calm oozing from him, lapping at me, sapping my anger. But I didn't want to be calm. I wanted revenge. I wanted to seek my teeth in Leah, tear her entrails out and destroy her. I couldn't stand her smugness and hostility towards me anymore.

"Nessie," Jasper said again calmly, "try to relax. You don't want to murder anybody. You love us. We're not your enemies. And you're bleeding. You should sit down. Carlisle will be here in a minute."

The cut on my head was painful, yes, but not painful enough to make me see reason. Jasper saw that his efforts to calm me were wasted, so he exchanged an ominous look with Emmett. They were about to jump on me. So I did the only thing that came naturally: I ran away. Some deep instinct told me that I mustn't attack my family, so I wouldn't. But I wasn't myself. I didn't know who I was anymore. I ran and ran, away from the house, away from my family. Jacob was still speaking in my head, but I couldn't hear him. I was gone. So far gone.

When I regained my bearings, I was in the mountains. All was silent around me, except the little noises from the wildlife surrounding me. The sun was setting. I had run for hours, it seemed. A few yards away I could hear the soft murmur of a stream, and I walked to it. I was thirsty, but I hadn't any energy left to drink animal blood. I'd settle with water. I drank large gulps, still in wolf form, and I felt a little bit better.

My head was absolutely silent, which surprised me. I would've thought that Jake would try to contact me, but maybe he understood that I needed time alone. Or maybe he had discovered that I couldn't hear him if I didn't want to. But it was too early to contact him. I wasn't ready for that. Pain and shame were burning me now. How could I have wanted to hurt Leah?

I retreated under a spruce tree and sank to the cool ground, head on my paws. I was too much of a mess to change into a half-human, and I'd be too cold without my thick fur anyway. I sighed deeply and assessed my state. Head hurting with blood stuck on the left side of my wolf face, check. Ribcage bruised and hurting at every breath, check. Claws torn from a blind run in a hostile nature, check. Mind spinning with alien thoughts, check. So I decided to give up and closed my eyes, hoping that a few hours of sleep would clear my head and help me know what to do.

The first rays of sunlight over the mountains woke me up, and I stretched, then yelped. I had forgotten my injuries, and my ribcage was still hurting me. So I hadn't inherited the werewolf ability to heal fast. What a surprise. All bad things, not a single good one. I got up and went to the stream. I was thirsty again. I drank and drank, and then I looked at myself in the clear water. I was a bloody mess. I needed to clean up.

I sat on my hind legs and concentrated. I was Renesmee Cullen, half-vampire and half-human. Daughter of Edward and Bella Cullen. Girlfriend of Jacob Black. Jacob kissed me yesterday. It was so good, so real. The air trembled around me, then I shrank back to my human form. I didn't waste any time and submerged in the stream, washing my face and matted hair as best I could, ignoring the barely dry cut on my temple. The morning was cool, and I was soon shivering. But as soon as I felt cleaner, I changed shape again. There. With my weird silver fur, I wasn't cold anymore. Maybe I'd get used to be a wolf. What a depressing thought.

I went back under my spruce tree and sank to the ground again, thinking hard. I had to know if it was safe for me to go back. Uncle Jasper had talked about bloodlust. And that was a vampire trait. He told me I had been infected by the venom. Did it mean that I was still in danger from changing? That I was still a danger for my family and friends?

I didn't know, but I knew that I was too disoriented to trust my judgement. I missed Jake, and my parents. I needed their advice. I had to go back. They would protect me and the others from myself, of that I was absolutely sure. But I had to control this bloodlust. And I thought I knew how. When Leah had insulted me, I had felt aggravated, and had let all my anger out. I had instantly changed into a wolf, but my vampire instincts had overtaken me, and I had felt an irrepressible need to kill her. I had to stifle this new instinct, not let it control me.

But this new instinct was there, and it was warring with me. I also had a new wolf instinct to control. The two of them didn't go along well in my head. So I had to find a third way, mine. I was more than vampire, I was more than wolf. I was...

Some theory, I thought bitterly when I saw a large deer emerge twenty yards away from me. The vampire in me wanted its blood, the wolf its meat. I couldn't decide which I wanted most, so I was paralyzed in indecision. By the time I decided to go for the blood, the deer was long gone. Some decision to make. I wanted to scream, but instead I yowled loudly, scaring away all the animals around me. It was so unfair! I never wanted any of this. I never wanted to be a wolf or a vampire. I just wanted to be me. But who was I?

I knew, instinctively, that when I found the answer to this question, I would finally be in peace. But what would I do to know? I was so lost. And right now, I wanted to go home. So I got up and started to run towards Forks, following my own trail. I gritted my teeth, not wanting to yelp at every step, but I was more bruised than I would've thought. I wanted a bed and a quilt, and a good night's sleep. I wanted Jake's arms around me. Only then would I feel better. I opened my mind, ready at last.

Jake? You there?

Nessie! His voice was relieved and worried at the same time. Are you all right? Where are you?

In the mountains. It seems that I ran more than I realized yesterday. Sorry.

Don't be. How are you? You were injured.

Still am. I can't heal like you. I'm not a real wolf.

Don't think about that right now. I can run to you and help you.

Don't bother. I can run too. But I'd like to lie down in a comfortable bed tonight, and I won't have you away from me.

Sounds like a date, Renesmee Cullen.

I barked faintly, a wolf chuckle. I think it is, Jacob Black.

Then I'm delighted to accept your invitation. But let's go to La Push, if you don't mind, or Bella will have my skin. I think she's planning to make a coat from my fur.

I'll ask my Dad if we can sleep in his bedroom in the Cullen house. I don't want to be away from them. Jake, I... I need them. I'm...

What is happening to you, Nessie? he asked, concerned.

I don't know, but I'm conflicted. Torn between wolf instincts and strong new vampire ones. I... I'm going crazy, I admitted shamefully.

No, you're not. It's just that you're not supposed to have any wolf in you. You're half-vampire, and you've been bitten by one. And now you turn into a wolf. I'm really sorry about that, Nessie, more than you could know. But... werewolves and vampires are historical enemies. So I think that you've got this old conflict raging in you.

You're right, I thought, put out. And I don't know how I can be right from now on.

We'll find a way. We'll all help you, you know it. And first of all, you won't be provoked by Leah anymore. She regrets what happened. She's truly sorry.

Wow. Some good news, at last.

Yeah. Amazing, huh?

Incredible, more like. But I'll take it.

Are you sure you don't want me to come to you?

Yes, I'm sure. Don't worry, Jake, I'm coming back. I'll hunt on the way, I'm so...

What?

I don't know, I confessed, feeling angry. Hungry or thirsty, I can't decide. I am both!

Then do both, he suggested calmly. If you want both blood and meat, then have both. Kill and drink, then eat. Take your time.

You know what? I'll do just that, I thought gratefully, appeased. Thanks, Jake. I'm... better now.

You need to adapt, and it isn't shameful. Do whatever you feel like to do.

I caught the scent of an elk at that moment, so I stopped my pace and concentrated to change form. I'll hunt now. Talk to you later.

Take care, Nessie, and good hunt. Love you.

Love you, Jake.

I changed, then crouched and ran silently forward, naked but not caring about it, and soon caught up with my prey, a large solitary elk. I jumped to his throat and used my sharp teeth to cut into the flesh, while breaking his neck in the same movement. Soon I was drinking its warm blood, and I felt better. My senses were sharper, I was more myself. But my hunger intensified, roaring in me. So as soon as I drained it I phased, and I tore away the meat, eating large mouthfuls, not caring about how gross it was. I was a wolf at that instant, and I ate like one. Seconds ago I was a vampire, reveling in drinking blood.

Soon my stomach was full, and I was filled at last. I let the carcass where it was, to be cleaned by scavengers, and started to run again. The sun was quite high now, it was around noon, I guessed. I ran thoughtlessly, letting the wolf in me take control, driven by smell and sharp senses only. I enjoyed the sun and the wind on my coat, the earth and rocks under my paws, the noises in my ears. I was a wolf, and I enjoyed it. But no, I was a vampire. I enjoyed the strength building in my muscles, the speed of the run, the wind on my face.

I had phased back to a human form while running, and I couldn't understand how I did it. And my blood felt thicker in my veins, my heart slower somehow. I stopped abruptly, dread overwhelming me. Was I becoming a vampire?

I phased again, but I had more difficulty this time. I had to remember Jake, his wolf form, and my anger at Leah. I was panting, a panic attack on the way.

Jake! I cried desperately in my head, starting to run as fast as I could. Jake!

Nessie? His voice came alarmed by my tone.

Jake, I'm changing! I'm slowly becoming a vampire!

I'm coming to you. Don't panic. We'll sort this out, you'll be okay.

I wasn't far from Forks now, but I pushed myself faster yet, exerting all my strength in this race against myself. I felt war in my head, the vampire instinct wanting to take control, to make me human again in order to change. I was crying while running, almost blind with the strong wind. But I held on, wanting to stay wolf. I wouldn't become a living stone. No way. I had blood in my veins, and I wanted to be human for Jake. And, as I focused hard on this thought, the vampire instinct faded back a little. My breathing eased, and my heart beat louder.

I didn't break my concentration until I met Jake, Edward and Jasper, who were running towards me, thoughts jumbled with worry and speculations. We all stopped, and were a few yards away from each other, when Jake advanced slowly, wary in spite of himself.

How are you, Nessie?

Better, I explained, not trusting myself to be human for now. It faded back. But the vampire instinct is strong. If I turn human, I'm afraid it'll change me.

"How can this be?" Edward asked with worry, still listening through Jake. "How could you transform into a vampire? You've got no venom left."

"Maybe Nahuel will have an answer to that," Jasper said, his head tilted to the side, listening with all his might. "I think they're coming."

We stayed silent, listening too. And I heard the soft whoosh of vampires running, and the light footsteps of a half-vampire among them. They caught our scent and veered our way. And two minutes later the party stopped six yards away from us. Nahuel and his aunt Huilen, and the three Amazons, just like I remembered them. They only watched us, cautious but not hostile. I focused on Nahuel, tall and unchanged since the last time I'd seen him. His dark features were chiseled like wood in a brooding expression, but it softened with a faint smile.

Edward and Jasper, with two wolves. I hope we're not too late. How can I explain all this mess? Oh, how I wish we're not too late!

"Good morning Nahuel," Edward said at last in a tight but friendly voice. "Huilen, Zafrina, Senna, Kachiri. It's been a few years. What brings you to our rainy place?"

"I'm afraid we are the bearers of bad news, Edward," Zafrina said seriously. "About Renesmee and half-vampires."

"We guessed as much when Alice saw you coming yesterday, after Nessie's been attacked twice."

"Twice?" Nahuel asked, feeling more alarmed than he was showing. "Is she... all right?"

"Well," Edward said with a wince, "see for yourself."

He gestured at me, and they turned their eyes on me, the disco ball wolf. Disbelief echoed in their minds, but their expressions remained neutral.

"The silver wolf is Nessie?" Zafrina asked, obviously thinking she had misunderstood.

I nodded, and shock showed for the smallest of a second on all their faces, then they regained composure. "How can it be?" she murmured.

"She's been attacked yesterday morning by a vampire who, we guess, could copy every talent," Edward explained grimly. "He bit her. Bella sucked the venom out to save her. Looked like she would have died if we hadn't done anything. But we touched her. Me, Bella, Carlisle and Jacob. So she took every one of our talents. And so she can turn into a wolf now, too."

"At least you're still alive," Nahuel said gravely to me. I shuddered at his tone and his thoughts. I whined a little. The images were not pretty. Edward grimaced too. Nahuel explained before Jasper could ask.

"Two of my half-sisters are dead. Two are vampires now. My beloved father had added one to his family three years ago. Curse him and his experiments! We ran here before he could change me as well."

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked, puzzled by Nahuel's fear and resentment.

"He's mad. Raving mad. He's been experimenting on vampire venom for years, but a month ago he decided to act. He injected his modified venom to two of my sisters, who died in excruciating pain. Then he injected another batch, not the same, to the other two. And they became vampires, but suffering horribly during a whole week in the process. I discovered all of this only three days ago, when visiting him. He was trying to modify the venom of real vampires, and experimenting on several of them he had enslaved. I... I set them free. In my anger I destroyed his lab and set the vampires free. But only afterwards did I understand that I've been played for a fool. He was expecting this. It was a trick. By setting them free, I let them loose against all half-vampires, brainwashed as they were. And they attacked me. Fortunately Huilen wasn't far, so she helped me. We killed two, and took after the rest. I knew they would run here, to Nessie. We warned Senna, Kachiri and Zafrina, and they accepted to escort us here."

"And your father?" Jasper asked, scowling deeply.

"He ran away before I could kill him. But I don't know if I could've destroyed him. He experimented on himself as well, and he's awfully strong."

"We destroyed all the vampires that came here," my uncle told them. "Five of them."

"Then five remain missing," Huilen said, speaking for the first time with a strange accent. "The most powerful, the ones with talents."

"What about the copying one?" Edward asked.

"His name was Agustin, a Mexican vampire from what we've learned. And he was sent with a special purpose. He was treated with great care by Joham."

"He had to bite Nessie and not harm her," Edward realized, his mind full of thoughts. "It was deliberate. But why?"

I didn't want to linger on what he was thinking, it was much too frightening. The possibilities were awful. I shivered and concentrated on Jacob instead. He came right next to me and put his head against mine, caressing me wolf-like.

Don't be afraid, he thought. We'll sort this out.

I nodded again, weary and in pain. I wanted to lie down. He put his shoulder against mine to support my weight and put his head under mine. I felt better having him there.

"Why would your father want to modify vampire venom?" Edward asked Nahuel, fury trembling in his voice. "Isn't it enough that we're deadly predators? What does he want to accomplish?"

"Joham is an ambitious nutcase," Zafrina answered somberly instead of Nahuel. "He's four or five centuries old, and he holds a grudge against the Volturi. A very old feud."

"So here's his revenge," Jasper deduced, eyeing me with concern. "He attacks Nessie, making us believe that the Volturi are behind this, so we retaliate. Setting us against our enemies. What a brilliant plot!"

"It could've worked, hadn't we been aware of this," Edward spit, angrier than I'd ever seen him. His thoughts were swirling like a whirlpool. I felt faint hearing them. My head dipped down, and my paws trembled. Jacob had to push harder to hold me upright, and he whined softly. Edward's head turned immediately towards us, and in a flash he was next to me.

"She's going to collapse," he said, worry thick in his voice. "Nessie, go to my room. Jake and I will help you."

In a daze, I let them steer me inside, supporting most of my weight. Up the stairs we went, and I was grateful that the house was large enough to accomodate two very big wolves and a vampire. I couldn't answer Bella's anguish nor my family's questions, and when Edward hurriedly pushed away his couch against a wall I fell on my belly, sprawling on the comfortable carpet, and my eyes closed instantly.