Survival

Qui-Gon held his student tightly as he sobbed, the wails of the young soul echoing off the ships walls blocked out even the steady beep of the autopilot and the thrum of the engines. He made no attempt to quiet the boy. To take a life at fourteen- that was something only time could heal.

Like every kill, it would never go away completely. Rather it would scar, a constant reminder of the realities of this way of life, and the trust they had to give to the Force.

"I-I-I'm so s-so-sorry M-mas-ster. I-I didn'tt m-mean t-t-to!" He choked out between sobs. Qui-Gon rubbed his back and shoulders, holding him close, coaxing his apprentice to mirror the steady rise and fall of his breaths.

"I know, Obi-Wan. You had no choice, he would've killed you otherwise. You did the right thing."

"P-please." He whimpered. "Please forgive me."

It took everything in Qui-Gon's being to hold back his own tears and keep his shields from falling. Oh my sweet boy. If only I could shield you from all this. If only you could show yourself the same love and compassion you show others, even those that wouldn't hesitate to cause you pain.

"Of course, Obi-Wan. Now breathe easy, it's going to be okay. I love you so much, padawan-mine. It's going to be okay."

Revenge

Obi-Wan pinned his apprentice's arms to his sides, carrying him away from the scene even as the teen fought and struggled to free himself.

The mission was supposed to be simple, but something had gone very wrong. Anakin was sixteen, on the cusp of becoming a Senior padawan, but a momentary loss of control had thrown everything into question.

They were transferring a criminal they'd captured into local custody. When the man had tried to attack his apprentice, Anakin showed no interest in simply subduing him and getting him back into restraints. Instead, he had killed him with one swift stroke of his saber.

A part of Obi-Wan called it justice. The man had been a slaver, a crime so great that Anakin could see nothing else. Nothing else mattered, Anakin could never forgive those who put others in chains. And for that, Obi-Wan couldn't blame him.

But another part of the Master called it wrong. Anakin knew it too. Despite the initial pleasure he'd found, the bond soon revealed his true feelings. Guilt, pain, regret- they saturated their link and the young apprentice cried out in anguish. He was angry at the man, he was angry at the galaxy that let such horrors happen, and he was angry at himself for not being better than this.

Obi-Wan put his padawan down the moment they were in private, but kept a hold on him, wrapping one hand around his neck and pulling him close until their foreheads touched.

"Hush, Anakin." he whispered. "We'll get through this together. Trust me Anakin, I will be here to help you."

The young man went limp in his grasp, leaning heavily against his teacher as he whispered something so softly no one else could hear.

"They still have me. No matter where I go, they still kriffing own me."

Obi-Wan pressed his lips against Anakin's forehead, heart aching that he couldn't hold any of the invisible chains that still burdened his child.

War

Ahsoka collapsed onto the dusty soil, wrapping her arms around herself, shutting her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at the body in front of her, the blood slowly pooling around them. She stayed like that, unmoving, unfeeling, until Anakin found her. He'd been taking on his own bounty hunter, hired guns intent on assassinating the "Hero with No Fear" and his tiny shadow.

"Snips, what're you doi-oh." He crouched next to her and tentatively uncurled her fingers where they were clenched around her saber, hooking it back to her belt.

"I'm so sorry Ahsoka. It's not something we can avoid, especially not in war. But you're safe now, don't worry. I'm right here, it'll be okay."

For a second, she didn't move or even seem to breathe. But then she leaned into his side and let the tears streak down her cheeks. She knew her Master was right, but the reality was that no one really won in this war. You didn't win, you only survived. She was thirteen, but if she had not acted, it would've been her blood staining the sand. She'd killed, so she had survived.

"Be at peace, little one." Anakin murmured, trying to settle the turmoil overflowing from his student's side of the bond. "Tomorrow is a new day."

She shook her head, still trying to numb herself from the pain, in such disbelief that she could almost convince herself that it hadn't really happened.

This wasn't a droid, cold and unfeeling. A machine easily repaired or replaced. This was a person. They had thoughts and feelings and a family. And a life.

She'd taken that from them. No matter what side they fought for, it should not have been hers to take. She never wanted to have to make that choice again, even knowing that she would have to make the same one again and again.

She didn't say any of this out loud, but Anakin still heard. So he gripped her under one arm and pulled her to her feet, keeping a protective hold around her shoulders as he walked her away. Tomorrow would be a new day, even though nothing would ever be the same again.