"I'm really glad you're here."
"Too bad it can be for the next five months.", he sighed as she shrugged, kissed his cheek.
"It's the right thing to do, Brody. My being here. At least more right than the alternative. Forget about my fucked up brain, what was the other reason I agreed to do this."
"To protect me."
"And to keep you here! Otherwise the three of us and Farrah would all be to Istanbul by now."
"Istanbul?"
"Or Peru, Norway. Wherever the fuck you're supposed to run to when you're with the most wanted terrorist in the world."
"If I was still the most...none of you would've run with me. I'd have disappeared before-"
"I would've found you.", Carrie said firmly.
"Either I would've or they would've. And either way we'd have been fucked."
"Carrie..."
"Running with you may not have been an option, I know that. But neither was letting them catch up to you and sit back and do nothing while they hung you from a fucking bridge."
"Hey..."
Seeing her eyes welling up Brody smoothed her hair.
"It's okay. We're here. Things are good. You're right. Whatever happens over the next five months is preferable to whatever bullshit we'd be up against otherwise. Honestly I don't think I could've lived like that again. And I wouldn't have let you.", he said, reflecting on how stressful running and hiding for all that time had been.
Despite Carrie's mettle and Wonderwoman-esque abilities, he'd never subject her to that kind of life. Let alone Farrah.
"How did you live like that? I mean, where did you go after the fire road? I know my contacts kept you going for awhile but, you must've broken off from them to meet Zahira's family."
"Yeah, I did. June helped me get to Europe, sent me to a few places there but after France I think, things were up to me."
"Were you scared?"
"I figured if they hadn't caught up to me after the first few months I was doing a decent job, but yeah, I was terrified. I just kept my head down, stayed quiet, kept moving. Writing the postcards to you helped though. They helped a lot. Made me feel like I wasn't so fucking alone in the world."
"Well, that was kind of the point.", Carrie smiled.
"I saved them you know."
"The cards?"
"Yeah. They're in my top dresser drawer. Except for one of them anyway."
"Too crude for your tastes?", Brody teased, knowing full well the notes never got overly suggestive.
"Hey, you're more the prude of the two of us.", Carrie smirked before going somber again.
"No, it was the last one you sent. It was postmarked months before I started reading them and I thought it was the last one because..."
"Carrie.."
Wiping at her eyes she shook her head.
"Fuck. Crying's become the new normal for me now."
"I've got a clean sleeve if you're interested.", Brody offered, holding out his arm as she snorted, shook her head.
"That's Maggie's fucking labcoat."
"Yeah but she gave it to me. Hopefully for keeps."
"For keeps? What are you, five?"
"Go ahead. Mock what I'm gonna wear in my new profession.", Brody pouted.
"What happened to being a builder or a teacher? A cabin boy?"
"Oh the doctor thing's part time, don't worry. I'll still do the laundry.", he joked.
"Honestly though, I never expected I'd be doing anything but running and hiding the rest of my life. Settling down, working. It felt like a fucking pipe dream."
"It's not. Not now anyway.", Carrie reminded as he shrugged.
"Still don't feel like I deserve it."
"You do.", she said emphatically as he sighed.
"Even if that's true, what's to say all this won't blow up in our faces?", he asked, then rolled his eyes. "Sorry, shitty choice of words."
"Hey, we've made it this far. Right?", Carrie asked as he shifted towards her, reached for her face.
"Yeah, we did." Resting her hand over his she smiled, budded her nose against his before he pulled back.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah."
"What about me scared you?"
"What?"
"That night at the cabin before the bombing, you said that I scared you."
"Brody..."
"Look I won't feel hurt or walk out of here. I just, I want to know."
"Everything about us scared me.", Carrie admitted softly.
"How fucked up our getting together was, after all the shit we put each other through. How crazy our even being civil with each other must've looked."
"I don't like the word crazy anymore.", Brody said gruffly. Getting a soft smile that soon faded.
"It scared me how I never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. It still scares me actually.", she shrugged. Getting a questioning look.
"What? Weren't you scared when you first fell in love?"
"Are you kidding? I was fucking terrified.", he said as she laughed.
"I was just a stupid kid who'd fallen head over heels for the girl across from me in chemistry. And as if that wasn't enough I had her gun toting dad watching my every move."
Snickering, Carrie shook her head. "If it makes you feel better my dad hasn't held a gun in years."
"You know it does believe it or not." , Brody grinned before going serious again. Still holding Carrie's face and memorizing how the palm of her hand felt over his own.
"I didn't think I'd feel that way about anyone again. And then you showed up at that support group."
"You're saying I looked that good with my hair dripping wet outside of my car?"
Getting an arched brow that she took to mean yes, Carrie rolled her eyes playfully.
"You looked like someone I wanted to get to know. Who I felt like I had to get to know."
"Well you got to know me pretty well in the backseat."
"I didn't mean just in that way.", Brody sighed, slightly exasperated.
"No, I know. I do. I mean, I felt I like I had to get to know you too. Not just in that way. Not that I objected to it.", she teased, sliding her hand down his chest as he gave her a warning look. Rolling her eyes she kissed him, and kept kissing him until he pulled back. Breathless and too hot and bothered considering where they fucking were.
"Are you sleepy yet?"
"No.", Carrie admitted before laughing, seeing the expression on his face.
"You are though."
"I'm exhausted.", Brody groaned.
"Well then go ahead and sleep, Doctor. I'll be fine."
"No. For Christ's sake, Carrie. You're my patient. How would it look?"
"It would look completely normal since you're not a real doctor!", Carrie reminded, getting him pouting.
"Brody c'mon. Go to sleep. I'll be okay. You have my word."
Nodding, knowing he best take her at it or be a zombie in court tomorrow, reluctantly Brody closed his eyes. His arm coming to rest around her middle as she snuggled closer to his chest.
Within minutes Brody was in a deep sleep, not hearing or feeling her slip off the cot and duck into the bathroom stall nearby.
He started dreaming though. The same one he'd had too many fucking times in recent weeks, only with an alternate setting that eerily matched the room they were in right now.
He was lying in the fetal position on the cell floor as the cement walls began closing in around him. Only in this version of the dream it wasn't just him he had to worry about. He couldn't move from the space on the floor where he was being kicked at and beaten. And was forced to listen to Carrie's screams as the walls slowly closed in to crush her.
All he could hear was screaming, even after he woke and sat up in bed. Realized he was alone on the cot.
"C..Carrie?! CARRIE!"
"What the...oh fuck."
Seeing him shaking even in the dim light, jumping back onto the cot Carrie stroked his slick hair. Cringed when the brown dye came off on her hand.
"Shit. Wh..what happened?", Brody sputtered, still shaking and trying to catch his breath even though he couldn't remember why.
"It was just a nightmare, Brody. That's all.", Carrie soothed, kissing the side of his head.
"No. It..it wasn't. Couldn't have, I..I heard screams. Someone screaming."
"It happens here. It happens a lot. I...I'm sorry. I don't even let myself hear it anymore.", she sighed as she moved closer, saw his jaw was clenched and his eyes were stormed over.
"Brody..."
"I can't believe they stuck you in here. Whoever fucking arranged this..."
"Brody just stop, okay. Just stop.", she said firmly as he turned to look at her.
"It's only for a few more hours. That's all." Hugging him, looping her arms around his neck Carrie could feel his heart still jackhammering away in his chest and felt her's break in half.
"Just a few more hours."
"I know. I'm sorry it's just.."
"I know."
Holding his face, she budded her nose against his before pulling back, needing him to see her.
"It's okay though. You're with me, we're safe. We're fine. Okay?"
Nodding, bowing his head he let out a slow breath.
"Okay."
"C'mon, lie back.", Carrie coaxed, one arm around him while her other reached for, pulled the blanket over them.
...
Quinn had been sitting outside the door playing guard dog all night. Listening to classical music on his phone, trying to tune out anything and everything happening in the room behind him. Not needing a repeat listening of what happened at the safe harbor site.
Hearing a woman's scream though he threw down the headphones and jumped to his feet instinctively, only to see two nurses running in the room down the hall. Sitting back down, still alert, he heard Carrie trying to soothe Brody behind the shut door. The pure love in her voice felt like miniature daggers poking at his heart.
He wasn't jealous of Brody. To Quinn Carrie was a friend, and to fuck that up would be something he knew he'd live to regret.
But he was becoming increasingly jealous of what she and Brody had. Them being so close you could hardly tell where one ended and the other began.
He'd had that once. And on the rare times he recalled it, remembered he had no chance whatsoever of regaining it, he was tempted to punch a wall or shoot something or worst of all, get on the next flight to Philadelphia and track down her precinct. Kiss her then ask whose eyes their son had.
Picking his phone back up, biting his lip he dialed. Getting her voicemail which he knew was probably for the best.
"Hello you've reached Julia."
"And John! John Diaz!"
"John! Mijo the machine's gonna cut us off...
"But I live here too!"
"Sweetheart I know..but, agh! Ten seconds left, okay. Hi! You've reached John and Julia Diaz. We're not in but leave a message and we'll get back to you."
"You forgot the name and number part, Mom! Leave your name and number and we'll call you b-"
Too caught off guard to smile or laugh Quinn hurriedly replayed the message. Heard again that Julia was going by her maiden name and that no mention had been made of whatever prick she said she'd settled on the last time he heard her voice.
Once he was assured that he wasn't wishfully thinking/hearing things, Quinn redialed to hear the message again, and again, and again...