It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

24th May 2019

The day of the funeral had at last rolled around. It had been a short night in the end after Merlin and Morgana had had their hot chocolate and gone to bed, they had a "good night milk" formula that was said to help babies sleep better so Amhar slept through the night well and woke up happily. If only he knew what day it was. He wouldn't be happy if he knew.

"Breakfast?" Merlin asked as he began to boil the kettle.

"Just a coffee" Morgana replied as she balanced Amhar on one hip and measured out formula powder. The baby just refused to be put down and used his newfound word often, shouting "Mama!" whenever Morgana wasn't holding him or paying attention. It was rather normal—most babies tended to go through a separation anxiety of some sort at this age—yet Morgana felt so so bad. Why had she survived and not Gwen? Why?

"What're you having for breakfast?" Merlin asked again. She did seem rather lost in thought as Amhar tried to get her attention while she simply stared ahead into space.

"Coffee" Morgana replied as she added tap water and kettle water to the bottle. "I need to get ready. Do you mind doing baby?".

"Of course not" Merlin replied. "We're out of baby cereal. Mind putting it on the list?".

"Of course not" Morgana replied as she noted it down. "What are you wearing?".

"I don't know" Merlin shrugged. "You know what? Let's set out the baby's outfit first and then decide".

"Fair enough" Morgana shrugged. Once they had finished their coffee, breakfast and fed the baby they quickly decided what to wear for the funeral. Amhar had an Elmer Elephant babygrow while Merlin and Morgana had rather summery clothes. Morgana's eyeshadow was light blue and matched her dress—while Merlin wore some pink trousers and a white shirt. It felt weird dressing like that for a funeral—yet Arthur and Gwen had made it very obvious that if they were to die they wanted a colourful funeral. They had all arranged to meet at Camelot Grammar School as it would be easier that way given the funeral home was in Camelot while Arthur and Gwen lived outside of Camelot—and a lot of people were attending.

The two hearses adjourned with flowers—spelling out "Mum, teacher, Guinevere" on Gwen's and "Dad, Brother, Arthur" on Arthur's.

They drove out of the school car park and then to the church as the pupils followed behind. Driving slowly with the funeral limo and all those travelling in it clambered in—Morgause, Mithian, Gaius, Catrina, Morgana, Arthur and Gwen's friends, and Merlin and the baby in the back given that he had to have a car seat. He had to go back to his rear facing one which he was not happy about and cried for the majority of the journey to the church (although many suspected he was crying for another reason) yet he did stop crying once they were at the church.

Those carrying the casket's lined up next to them—while the majority of students went inside some waited outside to walk in with the hearse.

"It looks more like a wedding than a funeral" Lucy remarked while Harriet elbowed her in the ribs and told her to shut up. Lucy then decided to go inside rather than waiting outside muttering "it's too cold".

"How are you?" Harriet asked. She decided to remain outside and had noticed that Morgana was struggling with the baby.

"I'm ... i mean it's tough but what can I say, I have to do it for this little guy here". Amhar flashed a toothy grin at Harriet.

"Do you want me to take him for a moment?" Harriet asked.

"Please" Morgana sighed as she passed the baby over so she could stop her tears and readjust her bag.

I do my hair toss, check my nails. Baby how you feeling? Feeling good as hell!
Hair toss, check my nails. Baby's how you feeling? Feeling good as hell!

"Is this the right fucking song?" Harriet asked as she raised an eyebrow. "I know they wanted colourful shit" she gestured to her outfit, "but this? I swear it's something from bloody TikTok at least that's what Lucy said".

"Their choice" Morgana explained as she took Amhar back. Everybody had lifted up the casket's onto their shoulder's and they walked into the church.

Woo child, tired of the bullshit come on brush your shoulders off, keep it moving. yes Lord, try a get some new shit, in there, swimwear going to the pool or shit

Those carrying the caskets walked down the aisle to the alter and set them down on the table next to each other.

Come now, come dry your eyes. You know you're a star you can touch the sky, I know it's hard but you have to try, if you need advice let me simplify

"Well, not every funeral starts off with a cheerful song like Guinevere and Arthur's choice" the priest remarked. "Guinevere was a great mother, wife and an extraordinary teacher, alongside Arthur with whom she shares her baby son Amhar".

"Gagaga!" Amhar shouted happily at hearing his name.

"And Arthur leaves his three sons Dylan and twins Gideon and Leonardo. They lived their lives to the fullest—and today we are gathered here to both celebrate and mourn. And before we get back to Arthur and Gwen's favourite songs, we shall now all sing the hymn 'and did those feet'".

"And did those feet, in ancient times. Walk upon England's mountains green. And did the holy lamb of god on england's pleasant pastures seen? And did the countenance divine, shine forth upon our clouded hills? And was Jerusalem builded here among those dark Satanic mills".

"Morgause LeFay, Arthur's stepsister will now do a reading, and shortly after we shall listen to more of Arthur and Guinevere's favourite songs".

Morgause heels loudly clacked on the church floor as she went up onto the podium.

"I've known Arthur for a while. Childhood friends, you could say. Except not really at the same time. Arthur and I met in '85 when I was ten and Arthur was five as our parents began to date. Like the brother I never had" Morgause chuckled and wiped at a stray tear.

"He was the brother I'd never had and, to be honest it was an honour to grow up alongside him. When Arthur and I first met, he was, how do I put this? He was the annoying dog that followed me snivelling and at first I hated it, absolutely hated it. Yet in time I came to be rather fond of the boy, even if he was rather reckless. Like that time we went on holiday when he was seven and I was twelve. We were in one of the water parks and Arthur insisted on going on one of the plunge water slides even though it was rather scary and rather high for a seven year old. Arthur pooed his pants right as he went down the water slide" Morgause cut off for a moment as she laughed and cried.

"The slide was closed for a week afterwards and Arthur shut the park down for the rest of the day. Arthur was like that, always dramatic and insisting on going out with a boom. And in the end, he certainly did. Leaving behind not one as we thought, not two as he later revealed but four. Dylan who he had as a teenager, the twins Gideon and Leon and the most recent addition to the family baby Amhar".

"Gaga!" Amhar squealed once more.

"Arthur's children will continue his legacy and I am proud to call these four boys my nephews. We shall now listen to one of Arthur's favourite songs". Morgause stepped down from the podium as the song begun to play.

You'll remember me, when the west wind moves. Along the fields of barley. You can tell the sun in his jealous sky of when we walked in fields of gold. So she took her love, for to gaze a while. Among the fields of barley. In his arms she fell, as her hair came down. Among the fields of gold.
Many years have passed since that summers day among the fields of barley. See the children run as the sun goes down. As you lie in fields of gold.

Morgause stood up on the podium. "I shall now read the poem, funeral blues.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'. Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; for nothing now can ever come to any good". Morgause solemnly looked down and nodded at Dylan as she stepped down.

"Arthur's eldest son Dylan will now do a reading" the priest said as Dylan went up to the podium.

"I hadn't known my dad for long. While I do have vague memories of being a baby and him being there, it is mostly prompted by photos and stories. Dad and mum were young when they first got together yet tragedy struck and I was adopted by a lovely family. And don't get me wrong, my adoptive family have been amazing. Yet still, in the short few months that dad and I knew each other were some of the best months of my life" Dylan took a deep breath.

"He always cherished each one of his children. Despite being apart for a long time, he continued to stay in contact with me sending birthday and Christmas cards each year. He introduced me to my wonderful siblings; Gideon, Leon and baby Amhar. In the short time that I knew dad, he taught me that family is everything. The last few months have been some of the best of my adulthood life. I love you, Dad".

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain and now the day bleeds into nightfall, and you're not here to help me through it all. I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

"The twins will now read a poem in tribute of their father" the priest announced.

The twins glanced at each other as they made their way up to the podium.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die!".

The music began to play as the twins came down from the podium.

We'll do it all. Everything. On our own. We don't need, anything. Or anyone. If I lay here. If I lay here and. Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Let's waste time. Chasing cars, around our heads.

Morgana went up next after she passed the baby to Morgause, walking tall with some notes in her hand.

"Most people tend to know me as Arthur's baby sister" Morgana smiled. "And it's true. Arthur had been there for the majority of my life. From whenever I could remember Arthur would always be there, listening to N'SYNC. I did always get the vibe he had a crush on Justin Timberlake".

"It was actually me that introduced Arthur and Gwen to one another" Morgana smirked. "It was back in 2005. I had gotten into trouble at boarding school—Gwen was the matron of the year sevens and as our father was busy doing mayor stuff Arthur decided to come up in the middle of the night—he drove all through the night as I was a good girl until then" Morgana smirked and dabbed her tears.

"Despite the fact it was after nine at night and he arrived at four in the morning—we all were still awake and Gwen wasn't pleased to say the least! With Arthur, not us just to clarify" Morgana winked. "And then the rest, well, the rest is history".

Once I was seven years old, mama told me go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely, once I was seven years old. It was a big big world but we thought we were bigger, pushing each other to the limits we were learning quicker. By eleven smoking herb and drinking burning liquor. Never rich so we were out to make that steady figure.
Once I was eleven years old, daddy told me go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely, once I was eleven years old. I always had that dream like my daddy before me so o started writing songs I started writing stories, something about that glory always seemed to bore me cause only those I love will ever really know me.

Once I was twenty years old my story got told before the morning sun when life was lonely once I was twenty years old. I only see my goals I don't believe in failure, cause I know the smallest voices they can make it major. I got my boys with me, at least those in favour and if we don't meet before I leave I hope I see you later.

Soon we'll be thirty years old our songs have been sold we're travelling around the world and we're still roaming.

Soon I'll be sixty years old my daddy got sixty one remember life and then your life becomes a better one. I made a man so happy when I wrote a letter once. Soon I'll be sixty years old will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who will warm me, soon I'll be sixty years old.

Once I was seven years old.

"Now the choir of Camelot Grammar school shall sing a song" the priest announced.

"It started out as a feeling, Which then grew into a hope. Which then turned into a quiet thought, which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder 'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back, When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing, Doesn't mean it's never been this way before All you can do is try to know who your friends are As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon And follow the light. You'll come back when it's over No need to say goodbye You'll come back when it's over. No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet. But just because they can't feel it too, Doesn't mean that you have to forget. Let your memories grow stronger and stronger 'Til they're before your eye

You'll come back When they call you, No need to say goodbye. You'll come back, When they call you. No need to say goodbye"

"Dylan shall now read a poem" the priest announced.

Dylan confidently made his way to the podium with the poem in his hand.

"For me personally, this poem is in reverse" Dylan announced. "Outgrown by Penelope Shuttle.

It is both sad and a relief to fold so carefully

Her outgrown clothes and line up the little worn shoes of childhood, so prudent, scuffed and particular. It is both happy and horrible to send them—". Dylan stopped as he began to cry. He slowly walked off the podium, nodding at the priest to start the song.

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy the evening tv. How did I get delivered here somebody tell me please? Cause this old world is really confusing me. Clouds as mean as you've ever seen ain't a bird that knows your tune. Then a little voice inside of you whispers "kid don't sell your dreams so soon!" Everywhere you look everywhere you go, there's a heart (there's a heart) a hand to hold on to. Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there's a face (there's a face) somebody who needs you la-la-la-la-la

Whatever happened to the good old days? Talking to friends for hours swore it'd never go away. Now I feel a little crazy trying to fit in with a scene, cause how do you know where you're going if you don't know who you've been? Everybody eventually says that they're as lost as you. So everybody shout it together! Hey! Don't sell your dreams so soon!

Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there's a heart (there's a heart), a hand to hold on to. Everywhere you look, everywhere you go there's a face (there's a face) somebody who needs you. When you're lost out there and you're al alone, a light is waiting to carry you home. Everywhere you go

After a few more speeches from Gwen and Arthur's friends, poems being read and some more songs played the funeral was over and it was time for the burial. The caskets were lifted up and they made their way out of the church with people slowly following behind.

But I won't cry and I won't start to crumble. Whenever they try to shut me or cut me out.
I won't be silenced, you can't keep me quiet, won't tremble when you try all I know is I won't go speechless
'Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me, don't you underestimate me cause I know that I won't go speechless

After Arthur and Gwen were buried everybody made their way to the school. Drinks and snacks were served with students allowed to go home whenever they wished. Some students stayed slightly longer so the teachers stayed to supervised, while those that were closer with Arthur and Gwen went to their house for the second wake.

Now that there weren't children instead of the tea coffee and orange juice out came the bottles of wine and champagne. Morgana went straight over and began to chug straight from a wine bottle while Morgause and Mithian watched cautiously.

"Do we stop her?" Mithian asked.

"Let's just see how much she drinks" Morgause decided as she kept an eye on her baby sister.

Merlin watched as Morgana drunk while he went around serving drinks—everybody telling him that he shouldn't be serving yet taking the wine glass anyway (except Mithian, she was apparently driving).

Once it was dark the majority of people went back to school, gathering on the playground alongside the pupils while the care takers lit up Chinese Lanterns. With everybody gathered around in groups of two or three, for fourth form and above with groups of five accompanied by a teacher for those in third form and below.

"To Mr and Mrs Pendragon" Nimeuh toasted.

"To Mr and Mrs Pendragon" the pupils repeated. Slowly one by one they lifted up their lanterns into the air watching as they flew away.

"It's so beautiful" Morgana cried. "Look Amhar, look". Morgana bent down to pushchair level and picked the baby up.

"Gagaga" Amhar babbled.

"You like that?" Merlin cooed.

"He does" Morgana smiled. Amhar yawned and gently rested his head on Morgana's shoulder as he watched the lanterns in the sky.

"It's so beautiful" Merlin commented.

"I know" Morgana agreed as she rocked the baby. "I know".

"Someone's asleep" Merlin whispered as he ruffled Amhar's hair.

"I know" Morgana smiled as she put the pushchair backrest down and lay him down in it. As she began to stand up after strapping him in, she gently leant into Merlin and pecked him on the lips. They stood together as they watched the lanterns rising up above.

"I just can't see how ... well how they'll ever get over it" Mithian remarked as she looked over to Merlin and Morgana.

"They won't" Morgause replied. "When someone means that much to you, when you love them that much—loosing them isn't something they get over. Like me with me Dad, Mum and now Arthur. You just learn to live with it".

"But they'll be okay?" Mithian asked.

"They will be" Morgause gently smiled. "They have each other, and me". Mithian groaned and rolled her eyes.

Only Merlin's parents and Will going back to the house after the lantern release. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Will or his parents alone in a while so he cherished that moment while Morgana was putting the baby to bed.

He quickly settled down for her and she went to the bedroom and stripped her makeup off, lying down on the bed as she sobbed. She briefly looked in Gwen's dressing table draw—all her makeup. She wouldn't be needing that. She emptied out the draws as she emptied everything into the bin, the foundation, concealer, lip glosses, vaselines. It didn't feel right.

Arthur and Gwen, gone forever. The final bleeding from the miscarriage had just stopped. Gone. Everything gone. Morgause isolating her. She was truly alone. No baby inside her anymore. No big brother. No big sister. All her friends were god knows where—she tended to do nothing but sleep and throw up these days.

She leaned on the side of the bath in the en-suite as she felt her insides turn to mush once more. Oh god she thought. Not again. She tied her hair back and leant against the bathtub as she waited for the inevitable. Another night sat on the bathroom floor it looked like. She moaned pitifully as the wine burned her throat—why hadn't she eaten anything else? Morgana glanced in the mirror. She was a fucking mess. She lay down on the coolness of the bathroom tiles after she had flushed the toilet and brushing her teeth, welcoming the coolness against her flushed skin.

Merlin and Will sat as they nursed a glass of whiskey. Merlin's parents would be driving him back to his so he could drink as much as he liked that way.

"And now, well now you're a parent" Will slurred. He had gotten a little drunk.

"It's not that bad" Merlin insisted. "Just the fucking formula. Expensive as shit and there's shitting powder everywhere".

"It isn't that bad" Hunith scoffed.

"It is that bad" Balinor agreed. "Well not long for Amhar to have cows milk now is it?".

"It is" Merlin grumbled. "Apparently kids these days have to be on formula until they're one! Can't have the green milk till they're two. Parenting it fucking hard".

"Really?" Balinor laughed.

"I think I'll go check on the baby then we'll go" Hunith decided as she stood up.

"If you say so mum" Merlin rolled his eyes. "Oh and check on Morgs. She hasn't come back yet".

"That was my intention" Hunith murmured as she went up the stairs. Baby, fast asleep snoring lightly. She smiled at him before going towards the bedroom and knocking. "Morgana?". No reply. She knocked again. No reply. She opened the door—no one there. Where was she? Hunith noticed the bathroom door slightly ajar and went over to it. Morgana was curled up on the floor asleep.

"Bal!" She called. "A bit of help here". She heard Balinor muttering to Merlin "I'll see what your mum wants". Balinor helped Hunith lift the younger woman into bed, remarking how small she was.

"We should get going" Balinor said.

"See you, Dad" Merlin smiled as he hugged his father. "Mum, Will".

Merlin was more than ready for bed. The day had been exhausting and it wasn't even late—yet he hadn't seen Morgana since she had put the baby to bed. He should probably find her and remind her to eat. He went over to the bedroom and saw Morgana asleep still in her clothes. He smiled at the sight; she looked tiny under the sheets and Merlin decided he also couldn't be bothered to change as he slid under the sheets.

A/N: I've recently watched a show called ackley bridge and *SPOILERS* they had a few funerals so that really helped me writing this chapter. Aaaand the funeral scenes from East Enders and Coronation street did too