Chapter 41

Anya couldn't help being so angry that she was shaking as she stalked away from her companions, off towards the cargo area beyond the gear that James had set up. She wanted to rage, against Cerberus, against the Council, against Kaidan, and she felt like she needed space to do it.

"Commander?" James called, and she pretended not to hear as she stomped away.

"Shepard?" Garrus entreated, a little louder than the lieutenant. She stopped and turned.

"I just want to be pissed off by myself for two minutes, guys, I'm fine."

"I'm staying with you," Garrus said, matter-of-factly, crossing the distance in long, sure strides. She nearly groaned when Vega followed after a beat, looking less sure than the turian.

"I genuinely don't want company right now."

"Then I'll stay off to the side. Be mad. I'm not going to try to stop you. You have every right to be angry." He pulled up his omni-tool, and she wondered what he was doing.

"That whole thing was pretty fucked up. I saw you taking aim on the major, for a second," James said quietly, and Anya swallowed, glancing at Garrus again.

"You did, lieutenant," Garrus said calmly, skimming.

"Were you going to do it?"

"If he hadn't lowered his weapon."

"You were friends." The words were more disbelieving than accusatory.

"In the days of Saren, sure we were. We all were. Then he decided his allegiances were with people who insisted that the Reapers weren't a credible threat, and he started being needlessly cruel to those of us who were trying to do something about it. I haven't considered Alenko a friend since he stopped acting like one."

"That's...a little harsh, isn't it? I mean...he didn't know for sure how things were."

"Then he could have simply said he needed to take a step back from the situation. He didn't have to accuse anyone of anything, and I'd bet my last credit that if this is how he talked to Anya now, after even more time has passed, he was probably a jerk when you all were on Mars, too. Four two six and one three nine are empty, if you're looking for something to throw around." The last sentence was directed at her, and she realized he must have been looking through their inventory manifest. She almost smiled in spite of herself as she turned, looking for the crates he'd mentioned.

"I mean, he kinda was, yeah, but it seemed like more of an...ex thing than a work thing from what I overheard."

She found one of the crates and lifted it with her biotics, the energy rolling over her easily. The warm tingle was a distraction for a beat before she focused and threw it as hard as she could at the far wall. She was fast to pull it back in, stopping it before it made impact, and she used a pull to rapidly drag it back close to her.

"Yeah, well, I think it's allowed for me to be willing to do some drastic shit when the ex pulls a gun on her."

She kept using her biotics, pushing and pulling the massive crate in an elongated oval.

"Better watch yourself, man. Didn't you tell me just the other day that you have a girlfriend?"

"I did mention that, lieutenant." Anya nearly snorted. "Why bring it up?"

"This poor girl is going to think you have a thing for the commander if you aren't careful."

"Oh, yeah? What do you think, Shepard? Is my girlfriend likely to be under the impression that I have feelings for you?" She glanced back at Garrus, and she nearly laughed at the sight of him struggling to keep a straight face.

"Probably. Who could blame you, though? I'm amazing." He couldn't help snickering at that, and James shook his head.

"You two are so damn weird when you're together, you know that?"

"I'm honestly not sure who the bad influence is between the two of us anymore," she admitted with a sigh, stopping the crate entirely in midair. She slowly put it back on top of the stack she'd found it on, her anger mostly gone.

"Mostly me," Garrus replied confidently. "You're already done? I honestly expected you to be more upset than that."

"Yeah, you two wouldn't stop talking, and now the moment's gone. I'm just not feeling the anger anymore. Now I'm just bummed."

"Tell me about it."

"I'm just...I'm tired of everyone doubting me so much when I've spent so much time...I don't know. It doesn't matter."

"I mean...it does matter," James said thoughtfully. "You have gotten a lot of shit done that nobody else has even gotten close to handling, Lola."

"I know."

"The truth is, there are a lot of people who would be lost or dead if we didn't have you around to keep pushing forward. It's really not fair that so much of your work is met with skepticism and fear." The way Garrus spoke, his voice as tired as she felt, made her throat tighten.

"I know."

"We're going to do this, whether they like it or not, Shep."

"Scars is right," James agreed.

"Scars?"

"I'm pretty sure that's me," Garrus said lightly.

"And you're okay with him calling you that?"

"You know, they haven't really been a sore spot for me since I got serious with my girlfriend," he said with a shrug, and she felt the corner of her mouth twitch upward.

"Alright, then."

"Wait, was that a thing for you, man? I wasn't trying to be that much of an asshole."

"It was when it first happened, but it's healed up pretty well. Hell, sometimes I think my girlfriend actively likes them. It's fine, Vega."

"Alright. Long as we're good. Let me know if I'm bugging you and I'll stop."

Garrus waved it off. "It's not a problem. It was about time I got a nickname anyway. You've been calling Shep 'Lola' forever."

"Okay. Just throwing it out there."

"We're good. Really." He turned his attention back to Anya. "So, what are you going to do now that you've calmed down a bit?"

"I...I think after I get my gear clean and check on the crew, I should go see Thane. He was...looking rough. I think he's...I don't think he's got long."

"Ditch the gear. I can handle that, and the crew. Go see him. I've got this," Garrus soothed.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"I can help," Vega offered.

"He's not going to stop until you let him touch your gun," Garrus deadpanned, and Anya couldn't help snorting.

"Why do you want to get your hands on my weapon so badly?"

"Probably because you won't let me," he admitted, and Garrus had to stifle a laugh.

"Fine. You may help service my gear. Just keep in mind, if you mess up my gun, I may mess up your face."

"Yeah, right."

Garrus turned to the other man and tapped his scarred mandible pointedly, and the lieutenant's expression fell. "You sure about that?"

"You're messing with me." James didn't sound convinced.

"If you say so." Garrus shrugged and started walking away to stash his gear.

"You ain't fooling nobody." James turned back to Anya. "He's joking, right?"

"Only one way to find out," Anya managed levely, every fiber of her being straining to keep her face vaguely neutral.

"He wasn't...you didn't...there's no way you would ever really…" James paused. "This isn't funny, you know."

"Who said it was supposed to be?"

"Lola, level with me. What happened to Scars?"

"Rocket to the face," she answered honestly.

"Okay. Who fired the rocket?"

"It's a long story. Don't screw up, lieutenant." Anya darted around him and started walking away, determined to make it to her locker. Garrus was already there, putting away pieces of his armor.

"How long are we letting him stew?" Garrus murmured.

"No more than two minutes after I leave," Anya answered as she started yanking her own off. "Gotta be a reasonable time limit or it just becomes mean."

"Got it," he said agreeably, shifting to help her with her clasps. In no time she was making her way towards the elevator. She glanced back in time to see James finally approach the turian, and she nearly laughed aloud when Garrus offered the marine her gun. James eyed the shotgun uneasily, almost as if the weapon were capable of biting him. She couldn't hear what he said as she hit the button, and she turned to face the door before she lost her composure.

She stepped inside when the door opened, trying to smooth the worst of the wrinkles from her clothes, and she grimaced at the sensation of dirty fabric against her skin.

(No time for a shower.)

She made her way through the ship to the airlock, and right before the sanitation cycle was over, she heard her omni-tool beep. She looked at the message as she stepped off the ship, opening it the moment she saw it was from Garrus.

I told him. He's being a good sport about it.

She snorted as she walked before typing a response.

I figured he would be.

His next response made her shake her head.

He said he's going to get us back. What do you think? Should we be worried?

She moved through the people along the walkways until she made it to the next elevator. She replied while she was waiting.

I don't think so. James seems like his response would be pretty proportional. It'll be fine.

She stepped onto the platform and hit the button for Huerta, and took a breath. She felt anxious as she got closer, the tightness in her chest becoming painful by the time the doors opened.

(Oh, God, I don't know if I can do this.)

She swallowed and stepped off anyway, determined and afraid in equal measure. How she felt about the situation she faced could wait until later, visiting Thane could not.

Her omni-tool let out a noise again as she approached the drell's room, and she slowed long enough to read her newest message.

You're probably right.

A second one popped up, and it made her swallow.

You've got this, sweetie. I'll be here when you get back.

She took a breath and turned back to the door, her face set grimly just before the door opened. After one more beat, she stepped through, her stomach lead as she did so. The sight of her friend lying prone, Kolyat at his side, made her mouth dry. She hitched a more pleasant expression on her face before the young man turned, every ounce of her being wishing things were different.

"Commander Shepard," he murmured. "My father mentioned you were no longer incarcerated."

She wanted to throw up as they spoke, one thought echoing through her mind often enough to drive her to distraction as she tried not to crumble on the inside.

(Oh, God, why?)