Homecoming
"What do you think of McCree?" Angela asked casually. They were all making their way back to the triage camp; she and Waters were at the very back to make sure no one fell behind. McCree had ranged farther ahead as he helped some kids traverse the rubble. That he didn't speak Italian, and they didn't speak English, didn't seem to be a problem.
"Ma'am?" Bryant Waters glanced towards her, confused at the sudden question. Angela waved her free hand airily in what was meant to be a placating gesture.
"It's not a trick question." She hoped, after the past two days, that Waters would be less likely to stand by and watch an 'accident' befall the cowboy. "What do you think of him?"
"I, well…" His words drifted off as he considered her question. Despite her assurances, she knew that he thought this was a trick of some sort. Angela couldn't blame him for the hesitation - McCree was a point of contention at all levels of Overwatch. Instead, she walked along next to him quietly and watched the column of survivors ahead of her.
"He's not what I expected." Waters admitted eventually. Angela nodded in agreement.
"I know what you mean." She smiled wryly when he looked at her in confusion. "He was the enemy, so he's supposed to be some sort of monster, right? But he's not." No, he was just another agent with blood on his hands - just like all the rest of them.
Her hands were of a similar red, considering her own failures for their agents - though hers would never be quite the same.
"He could have let Paulo fall earlier." He mused quietly. Angela wasn't sure if the words were meant to be said aloud.
"He could have." She agreed anyway. "He also pushed da- Paulo aside as the building fell." McCree was trying to get into the good graces of those around him. Angela wasn't sure if it was out of necessity - she knew he'd be sent to prison, or worse, if this didn't work out - or if it was genuine, but at the end of the day she wasn't sure if it mattered. As long as he did the right thing, did it matter what his motives were?
"McCree also found you for me, when I was worried you may have been trapped - or worse." The man at her side nodded slowly.
"I guess… I don't know, ma'am." The agent sighed.
"He's not horrible," Angela guessed, "but you haven't forgotten what happened in North America." He made a noncommittal noise that Angela took to be an agreement. "Agent, the real question is this: can I trust you to work with him?"
Paulo da Silva's broken arm meant he was going to be sent home for recovery; there wasn't much good he'd do here as he was. Angela knew that her place needed to be in the triage camps now: after two days there were proper rescue teams being sent out, which made her Valkyrie suit redundant.
That left both Waters and McCree without partners. Angela worried that McCree would be killed out here by one of the agents - though that he hadn't been murdered in his sleep was encouraging. Then again, it was harder to call his death an accident if he was in his bed.
"Trust me?" Waters echoed incredulously, eyes flashing towards her. He stopped, allowing the group to pull a little ahead of them. "I'm not the one who shot an Overwatch agent." Angela sighed. He'd missed the point.
"I trust you with my life." Angela assured him, trying to soothe his ruffled feathers so he would listen. "I also trust McCree - because Commander Reyes trusts him." Mixed feelings aside, she was sure that even without Gabriel's assurance she would have come to the same conclusion, eventually. She had never felt unsafe in the cowboys' company - not even the day he'd disarmed her in the firing range. Still, the backing of a Commander was worth more than a doctor's, no matter how powerful or prestigious - especially to a soldier like Waters.
"But you don't trust him with yours - and that's okay." She rushed out the last words as he opened his mouth to retort angrily. "Can I trust you with his?" Would he allow his begrudging feelings to get in the way of doing the right thing?
"That's-" Waters sputtered, unsure if he should be offended at the question or not. Angela started walking again, motioning with one hand for him to join her.
"Yesterday, you were angry and wanted vengeance for those we lost on that mission." She kept her voice quiet so that it wouldn't carry past them. "I don't know you, so I don't know what you would or would not have done." Angela let him think about that for a moment.
"I could have sent him into the building with you and da Silva yesterday. Instead, I kept him outside and around plenty of witnesses to keep him safe from an 'accident'." Angela glanced sidelong at him, purposefully leaving the question of 'was I wrong?' unsaid.
"My job is to preserve life and protect the agents of Overwatch." Her eyes found McCree again, who was glancing back at them with curiosity. There was a marked distance between the two of them and the group they were escorting, so she was unsurprised that he'd noticed it. He didn't let their distance distract him; just as quickly, he was laughing with one of the children about something.
"There is a lot I will do towards that goal." Angela admitted firmly, eyes steely. "Why do you think I chose him as my partner?" The look on his face told her that he hadn't even considered why McCree was with her. He just knew that he had to watch McCree; it was a single-mindedness she was sure was preferable for their agents - it allowed them to follow orders without question - but it was certainly a detriment to this conversation.
"I trusted Commander Reyes enough to come out here alone with McCree." Angela reminded him. "I trust them both enough to send McCree to watch your back - just like he did for Paulo today." This time it was her turn to stop, one hand resting heavily on his arm as she stared up at him. "Can I trust you?"
"Yes, ma'am." He said firmly after a moment of consideration. "You can trust me." Her eyes searched his, but he appeared to be truthful. Angela nodded. It would have to be enough.
"Good. You'll work with him until either of you come home." Angela started walking, pace quicker than before so they could rejoin the group.
"Doctor Ziegler!" She was getting used to the booming voice of the Lieutenant. "What can I do for you?" Once they returned to the triage camp and settled everyone, she had called the Lieutenant.
"I wanted to inform you, Li- Reinhardt, that I will no longer be going into the ruins." Angela made her way through the camp, heading for what posed as the canteen. She needed to eat before joining the rest of the medical staff. Angela knew herself well - if she didn't eat now, she wouldn't eat at all, and she needed to be at her best right now.
"I also need to tell you that agent Paulo da Silva is being sent home; one building collapsed and his arm was broken." She was just grateful that had been the worst of the injuries incurred; it could have gone so much worse. She had thought it had gone much worse.
"I am sorry to hear that, doctor," Reinhardt said, his booming voice more somber at the news, "though it is good that he will recover." Angela nodded, as if he could see her.
"Yes, though it will take some time." She accepted a tray from one cook with a smile of thanks before wandering towards an empty seat. "Since Agent Waters no longer has a partner, I would like for him to work with Agent McCree." Reinhardt was quiet long enough for her to settle at the corner of one table with a few other Overwatch agents. They glanced at her in curiosity before going back to their own meals.
"If you think that is wise, doctor." He said finally. It was obvious that McCree hadn't endeared himself to the Lieutenant, at least, even though he had done nothing untoward during this mission.
"McCree saved da Silva's life today." Angela wasn't sure if that was an exaggeration or not. If the man had fallen from the seventh floor, there was no telling how far he would have gone or what he would have hit. Then, McCree had shoved him out of the falling building. Either could have ended with da Silva being alive without McCree's intervention, but there was no way of knowing for sure.
"Did he?" The German mused quietly. Angela let him consider the words while she took a bite of her food - some kind of pasta with a white sauce. It really didn't matter what it was; she just needed the fuel to keep going. After she swallowed, she broke the silence again.
"I believe that Waters is the best fit for him, now that I am unavailable." Angela kept her voice low and patient. "He has worked with McCree, so I don't believe there will be many issues between the two of them." She took a sip of water.
"You are probably right, doctor." Reinhardt agreed. "This is a good plan. I will make sure they stay together." Angela smiled briefly.
"I appreciate that, Reinhardt." They disconnected, leaving Angela to quickly finish her meal so she could get back to work.
Angela spent the next two days slaving in the rows of the injured, who had now been moved into tents to better protect them and to provide more comfort. She worked long hours, bandaging and suturing and anything else that was necessary. Angela tried to keep herself among the most critically injured, applying her staff sparingly, but effectively, to ensure the most would survive.
Rescue crews were finding less and less critical patients. Those that had been critically wounded in the initial quake were, usually, found as corpses at this point. But, for those that were saved, Angela ensured that her staff and her hands were available to keep them alive - at least, for those who came to her camp.
There was a brief lull in her tent. She could find work elsewhere, but she knew that it was all well in hand. No one working here - at least, in this camp - seemed to be incompetent. There was no reason to barge in when she wasn't needed.
These lulls had become more and more frequent. At first, they were brief; she normally used them to make a quick call to check in with Zürich or the Lieutenant - and once, McCree, just to make sure Waters hadn't killed him. Now, they were longer and left her with very little to do. There were still plenty of injured, of course - broken arms, burns, and the like - but there weren't many critical injuries that needed to be cared for. She had only come for the initial surges, and she had served her purpose. It was time for her to go back home.
"Reinhardt, I'm planning to return to Zürich. Is there a carrier leaving later tonight?" Worst-case scenario, she would go home in the morning with the first carrier to leave. While she wanted to get back home quickly, now that there was no actual need for her presence, she would not force a trip that was unscheduled.
"Ah, I think it will leave in just a few hours, doctor." Reinhardt told her after a moment of consideration. "It is the only one leaving today." That made sense; there probably wasn't a necessity for multiple trips in a day at this point, not with so many other organizations providing aid as well.
"I will make sure I am on it." Angela was grateful that she had sent her Valkyrie suit back to Zürich base already; once she was stuck in the camp, there was no more need for it. She felt it was better to send home, rather than leave sitting around in the camp. That meant that all she needed to do was grab her pack, which held everything that wasn't currently on her person.
By the time her carrier touched down on the Zurich base roof, she was completely drained. It wasn't unexpected: she had pushed her body hard these last few days, and now that she was done it was time to pay the price. If she had needed to stay much longer in those camps, Angela knew that her workload would have been forced to change - if only for her patients' health, if not her own.
Fortunately, that hadn't been necessary.
Now, she could shuffle off the transport; it was empty of people aside from her and the pilot. Sometime tomorrow it would return to Potenza, carrying supplies or personnel as needed. Gloria would probably send someone out to take her place, now that she was home again. Perhaps Gloria would even go herself. That was a problem for tomorrow, though. For now, she needed to take care of herself before she crashed.
"Angela." A hand at her elbow stilled her; her eyes followed the arm up to find Gabriel looking down at her with some concern. She blinked. Angela hadn't even realized there was anyone else up on the roof with her. She had just been focused on getting to the elevator. She must be more tired than she realized.
"Hey," Angela smiled up at him, trying not to betray how exhausted she was. "Sorry. I didn't see you." The carrier was still winding down, so the noise could have kept her from hearing him if he had called out to her. She had expected no one to greet her - they had plenty of other duties to worry about than greeting her upon her return. It wasn't the first time she'd flown back into the Zurich base, after all.
"It's a little dark out here." He agreed after a moment, though that wasn't true; there was plenty of light to ensure safe landings. She suppressed a sigh, knowing he'd seen through the flimsy ruse - though he had been kind enough, at least, to not directly point it out. Instead, she let him steer her towards the elevators as the pilot and various other personnel worked on getting the carrier stowed away. "Where were you heading?" He asked as they stepped into the elevator.
"I was going to get something to eat before heading to my rooms." Somewhere in there she would have reached out to him to let him know she'd arrived safely. Probably. Angela wasn't so tired that she'd forgotten him - that was impossible - but she definitely didn't plan out her return very well. Gabriel glanced down at his watch - a big, bulky thing that could probably hack a satellite for all she knew - before looking back at her.
"You? Eating at this hour? Are you alright?" His words were mostly teasing as he pressed the appropriate button. Angela made a face as she leaned her back against one wall so she could look at him. She'd lean against him, as had become her norm, but she was loath to show just how tired she was. It was bad enough that he was watching her with those careful eyes; he probably could see exactly how much weight she was pressing into the wall instead of resting on her feet.
"You're hilarious." She deadpanned. "It's too late to work. Besides, I've been working hard these last few days. I thought I'd just turn in." Once she had returned to Zurich, the terms of her punishment were back in place. Since the carrier had left so late in the evening, she knew that it would be impossible to get any work done tonight. The better course of action was to just rest so she could be at her best - or closer to her best, at any rate - tomorrow.
Contrary to popular belief, Angela could take care of herself.
"I never thought I'd see the day." Angela rolled her eyes as she escaped the elevator. He followed on her heels. Once they reached the canteen, he pushed her towards a table. "Go sit. I'll get you something." Normally she would have joined him to get her own food, but she more than happy to drop into a chair to wait instead.
She dropped her pack at her feet and leaned back so she wouldn't slump on her elbows over the table. There were plenty of agents and other personnel in this canteen - it was closer to dinnertime than she had realized. Angela refused to let them see her weakness, to appear to be anything less than the formidable Dr. Ziegler - even if it was odd that she was eating at this hour. Still, for all her attempts at appearances, she still jumped slightly when Gabriel appeared and placed a plate of food before her.
"Easy," he murmured, settling in across from her. "It's just me." She smiled faintly before eating, uncaring about what he'd picked; just like in the camps, it was just the fuel her body needed to keep going. "That bad?" He asked after a moment. She shook her head, swallowing.
"No, no," Angela rushed to reassure him. "I'm just a little tired. Don't worry about it." He didn't appear convinced, but before he could press the matter, Ana and Jack joined them.
"Welcome back, Angela." Jack greeted, sliding into a seat next to Gabriel. Ana sat across from him at Angela's side after warmly clasping her shoulder in greeting. They had plates of their own, though she hadn't seen them come in - but then again, she wasn't really paying attention to much at the moment. She smiled at them, hoping they couldn't see how tired she was - even as she knew it was a lost cause.
"It's good to be home." She let their familiar chatter surround her as she kept eating. Angela was almost certain Gabriel ran interference for her so she wasn't expected to actually contribute, because they all pretended not to notice her silence. It took her longer than she cared to admit to finish the food before her, but she tuned back in to the conversation briefly once the plate was empty. Angela wasn't sure if the lull in the conversation was a natural one or one they created for her once they realized she was more attentive, but it didn't matter to her.
"I know I normally stay longer, but I think I'm going to get some rest." Angela said. They were kind enough to not comment on her exhaustion or the early hour - unlike Gabriel in the elevator. She rose from the table as they said their goodnights and made her way towards the elevator bay and her rooms, doing her best to walk with the same briskness she normally had. It was only when she reached her door that she realized she had left her pack - and badge - in the canteen downstairs.
Angela sighed. She really didn't want to make that trek a second time, but it looked like she didn't have much of a choice. She turned, ready to go back down the hall, when Gabriel appeared from the elevator bay with her bag in hand.
"Forget something?" The teasing words were gentle as he stepped past her to open the door for her. "Come on, get in here before you pass out in the hallway." Once she was in, he closed the door before crossing the room to set her pack down next to her couch for her to deal with later.
"Are you going straight to bed?" Angela wanted to take a shower and wash off the last few days before she climbed into her bed; if she was quick, it should be alright. She was tired, but she wasn't crashing - not yet, anyway.
"I'll probably shower first." He nodded before settling on her couch. Angela stared at him, head tipped slightly to the side, as she tried to figure out why he was staying. She knew that it wasn't late enough for his work to be done for the night, even if she was.
"I'm just going to wait and make sure you don't pass out in the shower." He explained as he leaned back, arms draped over the back of the couch. "As soon as you're in bed, I'll go." That was a good reason, she supposed.
"Okay." Angela agreed, nodding as she turned towards her room. As the water heated, she pulled the first comfortable, clean clothes she put her hands on - a loose sleep shirt and a pair of scrub pants - before ducking under the spray. Slowly, lethargy made worse under the soothing warmth, she scrubbed at her hair and body.
The shower was longer than was her norm, but she emerged clean of the sweat and blood of the camp she had come from. Angela toweled herself off, nearly falling over in the process; she was grateful she hadn't knocked anything over, or undoubtedly Gabriel would have come barreling in and she wasn't up for any of that right now.
Once dressed, she trudged back to her bedroom door to lean out. Gabriel looked up from his communicator, sitting exactly where she had left him. His eyes swept over her once, then he nodded and rose.
"Alright. Get some sleep." He tucked the communicator away and moved towards the door.
"Gabriel," Angela called after him, leaning heavily on the door frame. Gabriel paused, glancing back at her. "Take my key?" The ticking clock was back, looming over them; it was probably foolish, but she would prefer to spend what little time they could together - even if it was just sleep.
"Sure," he agreed easily, which kept her from feeling like an idiot. Gabriel snagged it off the table where he left it before making a shooing motion at her. "Go to bed. I'll be back later." He waited until she stumbled off, leaving the door ajar as she climbed into bed. She barely heard the door close behind him as she curled among her blankets.
For once, she fell asleep almost immediately.
"Angela." Her eyes opened, blinking in confusion. Where was she? Who was touching her? "Angela, wake up." The room - her room - came into focus. That was right; she had come home from the camps. Why was her lights on? She was pretty sure she had left them off when she'd climbed into bed. Gabriel was at her side - standing, not in the bed - looking down at her.
"Gabriel?" It took her a moment to remember that she had given him the key to her rooms. He'd been concerned about her exhaustion, so she knew why he had woken her. Apparently she'd been having a nightmare - but she couldn't remember it, which she counted as a blessing.
"Are you still with me?" He asked after a moment, searching her face for any sign of her anxiety or terror. She sat up, because having this conversation laying down while he was standing was far too awkward. He pulled his dislodged hand back.
"I'm still here." Angela confirmed, scooting so she could lean back against the headboard. "For now." 'For now', because who knew what tomorrow would bring. She had learned that lesson the hard way: it started with Naples, continued in Venezuela, and ended in Potenza. So many times she - or others around her - had come close to dying.
It was a wonder she got any sleep at all.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He offered. Even if he hadn't spoken the words, she would have known the offer was there - the offer was always there. He was always willing to listen to her problems, even if he had no solutions for them. It was one thing she liked best about him. Angela shook her head, causing him to frown.
"I don't remember it." She explained. Angela could have made a few educated guesses about what it was about if he had pressed, though. She knew herself well enough to know what would haunt her - and there were so many things from the past days to choose from.
"What about the mission?" He offered a second time, as if he could read her mind. Considering the various confessions she'd given him in the past year, it was unsurprising that he could make such an educated guess.
"Come to bed." Angela deflected instead, buying herself time to decide whether she wanted to get into the mess that was Potenza tonight or not. He considered her answer before nodding.
"Alright." He made his way around the bed, heading towards her bathroom after snagging up the clothing on the foot of her bed. She assumed he'd tossed them there when he entered the room as he rushed over to wake her up. It wasn't long before he was flipping the lights off and climbing into the bed with her.
Angela sighed with contentment as they settled; though this was new, she would miss this once he left for Rome.
All at once, she decided. Since he was leaving Overwatch, she wouldn't have many opportunities like this in the future. Of course, they would still talk - just because he was leaving didn't mean that their communicators were broken - but their time to see each other, to be like this, would be limited.
"I'm sorry." Angela murmured, emboldened by the darkness, as he pulled her closer. His arm settled over her hip and his hand splayed over her stomach.
"You have nothing to apologize for." He replied. Angela shook her head in disagreement, though she could see where he'd be mistaken. He thought she was sorry for doing her duty. Angela couldn't be sorry for going to Potenza, not after all the good she had done there.
"I left you." When forced to choose between him or her duty, she had chosen her duty. It had been the right choice - just as his decision to leave her on the ground in Venezuela was the right choice - but it was a hard, bitter choice that cut both ways.
How could she have left him after his heartfelt confession not hours before?
"You're here now," he soothed, tightening his hold on her briefly as if to emphasize that point. "I understand why you went. It was the right decision." Angela knew, had there been a mission that had come up that required his attention, he would have left, too. That didn't change her guilt - but she had always been harder on herself than on others.
"I'm not upset; it's alright." Gabriel assured her once the silence grew long. He pressed his lips against the top of her head. "Tell me about Potenza." She sighed, eyes closing briefly. The darkness made it a bit easier, at least.
"It was awful." There was nothing good about the trip she had made - though that was only to be expected, considering the reasons behind the mission. "The things I saw…" Angela trailed off with a shiver.
Haltingly, she described some of the horrors she had seen in the last few days. It was the children - living, more than the dead - that hurt her the most. She saw herself in them; suddenly their lives were in upheaval, everything they knew gone. Some had watched their parents die in the rows, while others had found the corpses before they could escape the rubble. Their wide, sad eyes haunted her.
And then there was the building collapse.
"How do you do it?" Angela asked thickly. "How do you live with it when you give an order that ends badly?" Her order could have gotten the three men under her care killed; it was only luck that kept them alive.
"The same way you do," he murmured eventually. "It's not unlike Naples, Angela - you make a choice, and then you have to suffer the consequences." The consequences of Jack's operation - of her blind decision - had been two lives. She'd buried herself in work for months to try to keep such an event from happening again.
"It's not the same, though." Angela whispered. Potenza was different from that. Life against life was one thing, but giving an order to hold a position was another. "I chose Jack over two agents in Naples, but in Potenza…" Angela worried at her lip, trying to find the words to explain.
"I gave an order to those agents, and it nearly resulted in their deaths when the building collapsed." That the worst injury was a broken arm was a miracle; they should have died.
"I don't know, Angela." He sighed. "You just have to. The only other option is to stop - and, for people like us, that isn't an option." He was right, of course. Angela couldn't stop, not when there was so much to do.
"You handle it by working too hard and having nightmares." Gabriel told her, squeezing her briefly again. "I take it out on punching bags and try to learn from my mistakes." He hesitated, then added: "On the terrible ones, I drink." Angela wondered how many terrible decisions he had made, but his tension warned her away from the subject.
Instead, she changed the subject to the rows and rows of injured and dying. It wasn't a pleasant subject. In fact, it was terribly upsetting to remember in some cases -such as the little girl who had died while Angela was with her - but his body relaxed against her, now that the threat of her judgement or prying was gone.
Eventually her words were filled with more yawns than words as her body reminded her of its needs. There was more to say - there was always more to say - but she was still exhausted. That he had just been coming in when he'd woken her meant that she'd only slept for a handful of hours. He pressed his lips to her head again as she stumbled over another word.
"Go to sleep, Angela. You can tell me about it tomorrow." Angela nodded, breaking off whatever her thought was - she'd already lost it, now that he'd interrupted her - to lean back against him. She let the sound of his breathing and heartbeat soothe her. It wasn't long before she was asleep once more.
"I am so sorry, Winston." Angela said to the gorilla as they walked into her lab together. They had confined him to his room for the past four days while she was gone; she knew it wasn't that long - he'd been confined far longer at the beginning of his stay with them - but she still felt guilty.
"It's alright, doctor. You can't be everywhere." He glanced down at her. "They needed you more." That was certainly true, and she didn't regret going - even if she would be haunted by what had happened there - but she regretted the hurt her absence had caused.
Angela had collected Winston later than she normally would. She had walked into her office and discovered all the tasks she had left undone.
There were the three researchers whom she had promised a reassignment; fortunately they were understanding, and since Winston hadn't been in the labs they had been willing to work during her absence. One was being sent to Ecopoint: Congo at one researchers' specific request; the other two were being reassigned to different labs here in Zürich.
Then she had remembered the three men she had to report to her superiors. That had required a trip back to her rooms, as she had left the napkin with her names in one pocket of her pack for safekeeping. Names in hand, she had written a quick email with her three friends - superiors - as the recipients.
In that email, she also requested a meeting at their convenience to discuss the humanitarian relief in Italy. Angela had left it purposefully vague. She wanted to discuss her authority; Jack's order that first night in Potenza needed to be addressed, and she doubted they would be too pleased to host a meeting for that.
Gloria had sent her a list of the actions she had taken during Angela's absence. There was a list of medical supplies and personnel that had been sent in the past few days - most she already knew about, having either seen or heard from them while out in the field. There was a strike mission whose agent list she had approved and a report of the comings and goings of the infirmary.
Angela was so grateful to have Gloria.
The last task left was the KIA reports. She knew that she didn't have to read them, but she did anyway. Fortunately, there were only two - but that was two too many, in her opinion. They would weigh upon her, as all agent deaths did, and strengthen her.
That was when she had left to break Winston out for the day. There were plenty of hours left in the day - even if they were less than she liked - for them to work. She set Winston back to the research on biotic transplanting while she turned to her Valkyrie suit - or, more specifically, the propulsion systems of the suit.
Flight would have made her task in Potenza easier. Angela wanted her wings to be useable even in the absence of an agent - because, in the field, she may not always have that option.
She knew that flight was possible - there were several armed forces who equipped their troops with jetpacks. But all the current tools did not allow for true flight. These jetpacks could fly as long as there was fuel, but maneuvering was clunky at best. She had wings, and she wanted to use them.
I'm sorry for the delay!
I have some good-ish news, and some bad news.
The bad news is that, starting next month, I will be super busy with real life crap. My real job is a US tax preparer, and our busy season is January - April / May. Hopefully. Unless Covid does us dirty again this year, anyway.
The good-ish news is that I have chapters already written - but not for this story. I competed in NaNoWriMo this year, writing a separate Angela / Gabriel story - that is what took up so much of my time and made this posting late. While I have every intention to continue working on Forging, it will be very difficult in the coming months. As I have chapters, I will update this story. I will begin posting this new story in January, following my once-a-month update schedule.
I do appreciate you guys for reading and leaving me kudos / reviews, so I will give you closure - it's just slow going unfortunately.