Chapter Thirty-Four: The Decision
They told her: Taevon's idea and their plan. Saja listened in frozen silence as they detailed it. Then they stopped talking and looked to her. "What do you think?"
Saja struggled to unfreeze her mind. I can't go back. I can't let the Council see me—who knows what they'd do to me now? Besides them, I was shamed in the eyes of my people. I'd rather crawl into a cave than be stared at and whispered about—if the Jior limited themselves to just that, and not attacking me and those with me. This thought clarified in her mind. It's too dangerous. Jior may seem peaceful, but when you mess with their way… She crossed her arms and shook her head. "No. It's too dangerous. I cannot allow others to be endangered because of my error."
The turtles blinked in surprise. Then they all spoke at once.
"You helped me; now I'm gonna help you," Raph growled. "I owe ya."
"What d'you mean, no?" Mikey exclaimed.
"Taevon explained to us about your people, and we've calculated the cost," Don said, sounding very scholarly.
"You haven't really seen us in action, but we are all trained in ninjitsu, and whatever danger they pose, we can handle it," Leo said, looking modest and dangerous at the same time.
"Besides," Casey said, "it wasn't really a bad thing you did, was it? You just helped somebody from a bully. Dat's not bad."
"And, we'll go at night, Saeyaja. They might not even know we were there." Taevon added quietly.
I suppose I should not be surprised that they refused to acknowledge my refusal. Saja uncrossed her arms. How do I get them to listen? Perhaps if I persuade them that this whole thing is unnecessary. "I've accepted my path," she said softly, forcing herself to look at the others' faces. "Teleporting every few days, making peace with those I meet, exploring lands." Yes, that's it. Speak softly and gracefully, like Lady Lamaki.
Leo, Don, and Taevon exchanged glances, but Mikey blurted out, "Yeah, but all alone?" while at the same time Casey put in, "But traveling is super hard. It makes me tired jus' thinking about it. Why doncha jus' find a peaceful place an' live there, if you can't go home?"
Saja looked down at her hands. Because I have to teleport… or I feel so sick, it feels like I'm dying. So I have to move on, whether the place is lovely or war-torn. That's part of my punishment—no rest. She was trying to figure out a diplomatic answer when Taevon spoke.
"It's our chaloksae, isn't it, Saeyaja?" He said softly.
"What's that, Taevon?" Don said.
"The Jior…" Taevon glanced at her, and then at the turtles. "We are much like humans, but we have two abilities that you do not—teleporting, and the ability to not be seen by others—and we have one need that humans do not have, besides air, food, water, all that. Jior must… well, the closest word in your tongue is 'wanderlust,' I think. Jior must travel." From what Saja could tell, Taevon's human language had slipped into one of his favorite regional accents. "I'm guessing that besides her ability to be unseen, the Technology took away Saeyaja's ease of traveling, but not her need to travel."
"Is that right, Saja?" Leo said. "You have to travel, but it's difficult for you?"
I cannot lie to a direct question. Saja nodded.
"Is that why you were tellin' me ya had ta go, in th' medbay at the Da'an base?" Raph said suddenly, leaning forward in his seat. "It was yer wanderlust or whatever kickin' in, and ya had ta leave soon?"
"Yes." Saja managed to make eye contact this time. "Sometimes it's three days, sometimes five. I can leave a place earlier than that, if I've enough energy, if I've ended in a cage for supposedly being a spy, or if the land is unpleasant. And I can postpone leaving a little, like waiting to eat even though you're very hungry." Great Parvoss and Lady Lamaki. Never in all my travels have I admitted this to anyone. Not even the few acquaintances I've made—I just wander in and out.
"In a cage?" Mikey's eyes were huge.
Oops.
Don was frowning. "Saja, you can't live your life that way. Someday, someone's going to do more than just put you in a cage. Let us help you. I know it's scary to think about going back there, but we'll protect you, and I'll do my dead level best to figure out that Technology and reverse your punishment."
"Donnie's really good at tech stuff," Mikey said.
Saja closed her eyes against tears that suddenly threatened to spill out. Can he really change it? Can I be full Jior again? …I'm scared of the Council, but I miss my parents.
"Don's right." Leo crossed his arms. "When we go to your homeworld, we will all protect you. We can show you a little of our fighting skills if it makes you feel better."
"Yep," Raph said, cracking his knuckles. "An' if any o' yer Council has a problem with it, I'll tell 'em exactly why they're wrong." He chuckled, but his eyes looked dangerous.
Saja shifted in her comfy seat. I'm glad he likes me, she thought, and, Somehow I don't think I've seen him in his normal state yet—I came upon him when he was recovering from that drug, but he angered the Othila, and it sounds like he has… a bit of a temper.
"Saeyaja," Taevon said, and Saja looked up at him. "I was the one who asked them—and they are eager, as they say. But if it helps, think of it as a trade. The turtles want to find this Gamer, and they need Jior help. If Don restores your Jior abilities, you will be able to help them in this."
Taking in a deep breath, Saja closed her eyes. This is… a big idea. Once I realized what form I was stuck in, I gave up fighting it.
"So… what do you think, Saja?" Don said softly.
Saja opened her eyes and found all eyes on her. Oh… please stop staring at me.
"Yeah, Saja—are you gonna go with us and let Donnie fix you? Huh? Huh?" Mikey leaned forward, eagerness in every line of his face.
Saja leaned left. I like you as a companion, but not a handbreadth from my face.
"Back up, knucklehead," Raph growled, while at the same time Leo reprimanded, "Mikey…"
Saja swallowed. "Could—could you stop all looking at me, please?" she managed to whisper.
"Sorry," came the reply all around.
"Guys, we're crowding her," Leo called.
Across the sudden rearranging and mild name-calling, Taevon met Saja's eyes, shook his head with a smile, and stepped forward. He reached a hand across the coffee table.
I think I know what you're offering. Saja accepted his hand, and he pulled her to her feet. She saw him glance at the timepiece on Don's nearby wrist.
Then the two of them stood in a starry void, looking down at a blue-and-green globe, dotted with swirls of white. That must be the world of the turtles… what did Don say its name was?
Saja dropped Taevon's hand. She released a gusty sigh and some tension. "Thank you."
Taevon smiled and took a step back. "You're most welcome," he said in Jior. "They mean well, but they… their culture is different. They like immediate answers. And they have trouble understanding why you might refuse."
Saja nodded, but Taevon had already turned. He wandered a little way down the unseen path, waving a hand over his shoulder as he went, saying, "Take all the time you need."
Time. I'm constantly fighting with it. Either I'm trying hard to enjoy a kind world before I am urged on, or I am urging time on to leave a harsh world. Saja sank to the floor. She folded her legs beneath her and thought for a long while. She was vaguely aware of Taevon, who sat with back turned, humming familiar Jior songs to himself.
She stared out into the stars. It was her first time in a time-traveling pausing place, since her parents hadn't taught her how to travel to one. Most adult Jior could time travel, but very few did more than once. She stared down at the beautiful sphere beneath her, watching white swirl across blues and greens and browns.
Saja thought about her shame, her fear of the elders, the confidence her new friends had in her innocence, her parents, and the slight, niggling sense of betrayal from her people that had faded from a flaming pain to a confused ache since her exile. She thought about her terror of The Technology and her countless adventures and misadventures during her exile.
The memory of one of her first lone travels surfaced: finding a group of children and watching in fascination. Observing in horror and anger as a worm of a man began hurting those children. She had been in a position to help. She had made herself visible and had intervened. She had rescued the children. She remembered their gratitude, and her flush of pride. She hadn't expected her people to react with such passion—she'd broken a law, yes, but only for good.
Saja's fists clenched, unbidden. Would I intervene again, if I were in a position to help? She took in a big gulp of air, help it, and released it slowly. The great Parvoss would have helped, and Lady Lamaki too. Her hands relaxed. I would.
Finally she rose. "I'm ready."
Taevon jumped up. "Of course." He took her hands, brought them back to the still-clamoring living room, and they resumed their respective positions quickly. No one seemed to notice—or at least, no comment was voiced.
Saja clasped her hands on her lap and waited, eyes down, for the brotherly jabber to die down.
Finally, Leo spoke. "Did you come to a decision, Saja?"
The girl looked up. "Since you all insist-" she swallowed, working past waves of heat through her body—"then I will go with you, so I can help you toward your goal, if I can," she added in a rush.
"All right!"
"Cowabunga!"
"Glad to hear it."
"I'll do my dead level best on that machine, Saja."
"We'll protect ya."
Saja smiled but clasped her hands tighter. I hope messing with the Technology doesn't worsen my punishment instead of remove it.