Prompt by caskett & darvey (caskettxdarvey): 5x15 scene in the apartment, she's comforting him and they end up getting together but they don't get to talk about it because the next morning they have to deal with Mike. After Mike goes to prison, Harvey goes back to Donna's, feels like he's home, like she is his home, he feels safe and warm and he says something like I can go through anything as long as you're by my side.
.
Faith
.
"Don't you get it? I'm not asking you to throw him under the bus. I am asking you to believe that the two of you are worthy of being found innocent."
"What if I can't do that?" Harvey asked, his voice faltering a little, as he looked at her, emotion still clear in his voice.
"Then you can march yourself down to Gibbs' office in the morning and turn yourself in. But I don't want you to do that." Donna's voice turned up a notch.
"Why not?" Harvey wondered, barely able to keep his emotions at bay. Not wanting Donna to see him like that, his eyes darted towards the chair he was holding as he thought about what she had said. Should he go, and turn himself in? Or should he listen to Donna and wait for the verdict?
"Because I think you're worthy." Donna interrupted his inner turmoil. It also made him slowly lift his head up and look at her. Over the years, Donna was always the one who knew everything about him, read him like no other, but at this moment, when his eyes met hers, Harvey felt lost. What did she mean?
Feeling slightly lightheaded and overcome with emotion, Harvey made his way towards the armchair, picked up his jacket, and set off for the door. But before he could take more than three steps, Donna rose from her seat, strode towards him, and put her hand on his back to stop him from leaving. "And I don't want to lose you."
Harvey froze as he felt her hand on his back. What the hell is she doing? What did this mean? "Donna..." Harvey trailed off, too focused on her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, and her perfume that he could smell from their close proximity.
"Go to the courthouse in the morning, sit with Mike until that verdict comes in, and show him that you have faith in him." Harvey could feel her gaze on him, so he turned to look at her. "Like I have faith in you."
Once those words were out of her mouth, something inside of him broke open. Seeing Donna this emotional was never easy. Not when she told him about his father passing away, or when she informed him that Marcus got sick, and definitely not now.
He just couldn't handle seeing her like this.
"Please, don't be the hero, Harvey. Not this time. Just wait for Mike's ver—" Donna pleaded as she moved her hand to his biceps.
Taking a deep breath while every moment they shared in the past few months flashed before his eyes, Harvey decided to throw his consciousness out of the window, took a whiff of her perfume again, and closed the distance between them.
Cupping her face with his hands, Harvey leaned into her, his heart beating stronger than ever before. With no space between them, their eyes locked, and his thumb stroked her cheek softly.
"Donna…" he trailed off, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Harvey…"
Harvey took a deep breath. "Can I?" A questioning look adorned his features.
Unable to say anything, Donna nodded. Without another question, Harvey's lips found hers.
Her eyes closed as the initial shock washed over her, the feeling of his lips on hers, combined with his scent overwhelmed her and she melted into him, deepening the kiss. His hands traveled to her waist and his grip tightened around her, gently squeezing her to his front. Donna smiled into the kiss. Her arms found his chest, his shoulders, finally stopping at his neck, where she pulled him closer to her.
Before either one had the chance to take this any further, Donna broke the kiss, looking at him with questioning eyes.
"What brought this on?" she asked, breathless.
Harvey caught his breath before he looked at her and responded, "I don't want to go to jail without knowing."
"What?" Donna's brows furrowed.
Harvey caressed her cheek, as he tilted his head slightly. "I don't want to leave not knowing how it would feel like to be in a relationship with you."
Donna's breath hitched. "Harvey…"
"No Donna, there's a big chance that I might not win this. And then I'll regret everything. But this? I don't want to regret this." He smiled for a second before continuing. "Wanna know why I haven't gone to Dr. Agard about this?"
Donna raised her eyebrow in question, urging him to continue.
"She might've been my therapist, but she wasn't you."
"What are you saying?" Donna asked, confused, and maybe slightly hopeful.
Harvey reached to cup her face in his hands as he said, "I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you forever probably. And I know that I might be a little late, but I can't go away without you knowing this. I've been in love with you from the second I've met you, Donna. I was just too goddamn stupid to figure it out. And I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that it took me this long. You have no idea how sorry I am. I'm sorry. I—" The rest of the sentence hung in the air when Donna closed the remaining space between them again and interrupted him with another kiss.
"You really are an idiot…" Donna trailed off once they parted.
"Donna…," Harvey whined, which made her chuckle as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"How about we stop talking, and take this to the bedroom hotshot?" she teased.
Harvey's eyes twinkled with mischief, amusement, and desire as he smirked and took her hand. "Lead the way then."
The next morning, Donna woke up with a slight smile on her face as the memories of the previous night flooded her mind. Harvey really confessed his love for her. They really took the next step… She really got into bed with Harvey goddamn Specter again.
After everything they've been through, everything she promised herself she wouldn't do. Everything she knew would break her, went out of the window when she felt his breath on her lips.
After years of denying everything she got into bed with him and didn't regret it one bit.
But what if he did?
Stretching the sleep away from her joints, her hands traveled towards the right side of her bed, searching for him. Frowning when she didn't feel anything next to her, Donna slowly opened her eyes. Where is he? Blinking to adjust to the brightness, she looked around the room for a trace of him, until her eyes landed on the clock on her bedside table. It read 9:10 AM.
She overslept. Goddamnit! They were in the middle of a war, and she freaking overslept. Thanks to Harvey, no less. Harvey, who wasn't even in the damn room anymore.
Where the hell was he though?
Did he run away again, just like he did last time? Did he go to the firm? Or did he turn himself in?
Looking around the room once again, with fresher eyes and a quickening heartbeat, Donna's eyes settled on the note on her bedside table. In a place where she kept post-it notes in case of emergencies that needed to be solved at 3 AM, laid a note with Harvey's chicken scratch on it.
Got called into work. See you there :) - Harvey
With a grim look taking over her features, Donna came to a realization.
He went to work. Without her.
For as long as she could remember, Harvey Specter never came to work early. But this was an exception. They were in the middle of a crisis. A crisis that needed to be solved as soon as possible. And Donna knew that this was something Harvey needed to focus on.
But why didn't he wake her up?
Why did he think he needed to do this on his own? It's how he always worked, but as much as hiring Mike was Harvey's fault, it was hers as well. And that's why she wanted to, needed to, help, too.
She didn't want to admit it, but the fact that he wasn't there when she woke up bothered her.
Was it because of what happened last night?
Was he not okay with what happened between them? Was he ashamed of what they did? Or was he just way too focused on getting Mike out of this mess?
He was affected by it, that's for sure. Otherwise, he wouldn't have broken down before her, like he did yesterday. That wasn't him. He was a strong, tough lawyer. But when it came to his father's death, Marcus getting sick, and the possibility of her almost going to prison, he broke out of his shell. In front of her.
It was something Donna learned to appreciate over the years - the fact that he could be himself with her. That he didn't have to put on his armor for her.
It felt nice to be that person for him.
And that's why this whole situation with Mike must have taken a toll on him - focusing himself on getting him out, being impatient with everyone... It was bad.
It also almost broke Donna's heart to see Harvey like that. But not as much as when he told her that he wanted to be the one in Mike's place.
When those words left Harvey's mouth, it felt as if he took her heart and crushed it with his hands.
Mike going to prison was bad, and it wouldn't just only affect Rachel, but everyone else, too. Especially Harvey.
Him going to prison was out of the question - she even told him that before the events of last night took a turn.
He promised he wouldn't do that. Right?
He wouldn't go back on his promise. Especially one he gave to her. Not after last night. He couldn't do that to her.
But what if?
A small part of her always went back to that possibility.
What would she do? How would she cope? Would she be able to forgive him?
The thing was, not forgiving Harvey wasn't possible because she had faith in him. She knew he would only do it if he saw no other way out. So, whatever he decided to do, she had to be okay with it. It's how they always worked, and she wouldn't change that just because she couldn't stand to see him behind bars.
She had to have faith in him.
Even if it meant that they couldn't discuss what happened between them last night, or where that left them now.
Getting Mike out of prison was more important right now.
And that's why she reached for her phone to call Harvey, but stopped in her tracks when she saw a new message from him.
The jury's back.
Needing to hear the verdict in person, Donna rushed to get ready and left her apartment in a hurry.
"You may have gotten him out, but you're also the one who put him in that hellhole in the first place."
Everyone is at an impasse at least once in their lives. Unless you're a lawyer. Because then it feels like that's more than half of your job description.
And Mike's case was no different.
Harvey knew that getting caught was inevitable, but he didn't know that it would feel like this.
Like he's stumbled upon a dead-end road without a way out. In this case, though, he was responsible for everything. After all, he hired him, despite the circumstances that came with it. He was the one that did it.
He was the one that took a gamble on their lives.
And that's why he needed to try and get Mike out of prison. Even if it meant that he had to take his place. Because after every unsuccessful option that he came up with, that was the last thing he had to try.
He had to.
Take the plunge and turn himself in. Save Mike, while also saving everyone else. It was just fair in his mind. Losing his own freedom for two years was a small price to pay in comparison. He was convinced of it.
But then why did he find himself at Donna's?
Because he has played in the gray for so long now, that he can't tell white from black any longer. He needed someone to tell him what to do. And who better to do that, than the person who was his conscience from the start?
And that's why he came to her.
In all honesty, going to prison scared Harvey more than he was willing to admit. He knew what being behind bars does to people, he put criminals away for a living after all. Never did he expect to be in their place one day. He could not face this challenge without seeing her first. Telling her first. No matter how honorable his actions were, Harvey knew Donna would fight like hell to change his mind. And there was a small part of him that hoped she could do it.
Her words were hopeful and encouraging but did nothing to convince him. But the moment her hand touched his back, every good intention went out the window.
Despite the initial shock, Harvey unintentionally leaned into her touch. Because this wasn't something they did. They never touched. And if they did, it was accidental. So, he leaned into it. After all, he was going away for two years, he wasn't going to waste his last moment of freedom and happiness
All the years, every moment, every quick touch they've shared in the past, combined with the fear of not seeing her again had prompted him to take the first step and break the line they've both been too scared to cross forever.
He had spent years in denial, trying to suppress his feelings, and for what? One goddamn taste of her lips and he was gone. With his feelings free and on his sleeves, he followed her to her bedroom, ready to bask in the feeling of her. Of them tangled together. But mostly, of being loved by her.
So yes, he came to Donna with the intention of telling her what he's about to do, but this changed everything. At least he hoped it would.
He knew that she was the only person who could get through to him and she did. But once he woke up, and saw her peacefully sleeping in his arms he knew what he had to do.
"You don't always have to be the hero."
Even though she had said that to him yesterday, he knew that he had to be in this case. He wanted to be a good man, who was worthy of everything. Worthy of her. He had to be a better man for her.
If only he had gotten the chance, because interpreting Rachel's ignorance correctly, he might have been too late.
Running up the stairs of the Department of Justice, Harvey rushed into Gibbs' office determined to fight for his friend. Finally getting off the staircase and through the corridor, Harvey came face to face with Mike.
"What did you do?" he asked him breathlessly.
"I did what I had to do. I pled guilty."
At that, Harvey's eyes widened as he tried to catch his breath. "Bullshit. You didn't plead anything."
"Harvey, look at me. It was my crime. It was my choice to make, and I made it. It's done." Mike tried to reason with him, but it wasn't working. Because Harvey's mind was already set.
"Well, I'm gonna unmake it, because the judge hasn't ratified it yet. And until she does, nothing's done." With that, he started walking away, but Mike's plea made him stop and turn around, saying, "No, you listen to me. If you think I'm gonna let you do this, you're out of your goddamn mind." Harvey disappeared around the corner, ready for a war. His first battleground - the courthouse.
Goddamn idiot. Mike was a goddamn idiot who had a death wish by agreeing to throw his life away for two years. Why? Why didn't he wait for Harvey to fix everything? Why did he have to ruin his career, his friendships, everything he's worked so hard for?
Why was it so important for him to jump the gun first?
He could've been free, worrying about wedding details. Instead, he was going behind bars.
Mike was supposed to be the sensible one. The one to think first and act later. He wasn't supposed to be like him. He was supposed to be better.
Thanks to Mike, Harvey had 72 hours to fix everything. Three days to find something to turn this whole thing around. It would be tough, and Harvey knew that, but he wouldn't be himself if he didn't at least try. Even though he knew deep down that the battle was lost. Mike made a decision and there was no going back from that.
Mike made a deal and signed his life away. A deal that will take him away from his fiancée. They were supposed to get married, have kids, live together for the rest of their lives. Now they will be separated for two years, all thanks to Mike and his inability to have faith.
Even though everything was set in stone, Harvey had to try for a different outcome. One that allowed Mike to be happy and that didn't break his promise to Donna.
Donna.
Yesterday she told him that he was worthy and that she didn't want to lose him. It was then that he knew he couldn't continue with his plan. The weight of those words hanging in the air as he looked at her was too much to bear for him. The look on her face when she said it, made him grab his things and head towards the doors. He couldn't see her break. There was no way that he would be able to control himself if he saw her break down in tears.
But then she made him stop. And his life took a direction he never dared to dream of. He couldn't turn away from that. He didn't want to.
Mike's case got the better of him, but not as much as Donna's words did. Throughout the night she made it pretty clear that she didn't want him to turn himself in. It was written all over her face. It also made him promise her that he wouldn't do it.
How could he turn himself in after what happened between them? How could he leave her for two years when they had finally found their way to each other?
It was only a handful of hours ago, that with guilt written all over his face, he gathered his belongings, got ready for what was to come. He had walked back into Donna's bedroom and sighed at the image before him.
Stepping closer to her bed, he had grabbed the post-its and a pen that was laying there, scribbled something on it, before putting it back on her nightstand. Then he had leaned in to kiss the top of her head. He didn't know what the day would bring, but he did know that he would do everything in his power to stay with Donna. But only if Mike got to stay with Rachel, too. He had whispered an, "I'm sorry, Donna," and left for the courthouse, ready for an execution.
When he had learned that he was too late to keep Mike from making a monumental mistake, everything changed again. The fight for Mike's freedom just got inexpressibly harder.
Throughout the next three days, he turned every stone, followed every lead somewhere that would help him invalidate that deal. He tried everything. He really did. But it didn't help in the end.
Harvey could fight every battle, win every case, but this? This was something he couldn't win. And that's why he wanted to be the one to bring Mike to the prison.
To make himself at least somewhat useful.
It was done. Mike was gone. Everything was over.
Instead of feeling free, Harvey felt heavy. He might have escaped from serving a sentence, but this just felt like another cross he had to bear. And it was goddamn unbearable.
The guilt of leaving Mike in prison was eating him alive. It could have been him, should have been him. But his friend took it upon himself to carry their shared burden. He was here to fight another battle, to save the firm. Tackle another day with Jessica, Louis, and Donna by his side.
Donna…
She was the only reason he was on his way back into the city and Mike wasn't. He had her and then he would have let her go.
How could he have even considered turning himself in for one moment?
He could've lost the only woman he's ever considered to be the one, and here he was in his car, ready to go home to his cold and empty apartment? Why?
Quickly changing direction with a simple, "Ray?" Harvey was on his way to do something he should've done long before the only other option was not seeing her for two years.
As the city's skyline passed before his eyes, Harvey thought about what he could say but came up empty. But as he arrived at her building, took the elevator upstairs, and knocked on her door, everything he had pushed aside to solve Mike's case, came crashing back at once.
"Harvey?" Donna asked, surprised as she ushered him inside. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she walked him into the living room.
"It's done. He's gone, Donna." He shed himself off his suit jacket and put it on the couch and then he turned to her. "I drove him to the prison."
Donna sat down on the couch, waiting for Harvey to do the same before saying, "It's okay. You did everything you could've done."
Hearing that, Harvey scoffed. "Yeah, right."
Donna frowned. Then she took a hold of his hand and squeezed it for reassurance. "You did, Harvey. There was nothing else you could've done. There was a verdict."
"But that's the thing, Donna, he didn't have to go to prison. He's a goddamn idiot. He didn't have to go if he had waited…" Harvey trailed off as he caught his slip up.
That alarmed her. With a furrowed brow, she asked, "Harvey? Is there something you're keeping from me?"
Harvey stayed quiet.
"Harvey?" This time she asked more persistently.
After a few seconds of silence, Harvey broke it with a whispered, "I was about to turn myself in."
"When?"
"That morning."
"Okay."
That was it? What the hell? "What do you mean? Okay?" He raised his eyebrow. "Why are you so calm about this?"
"Because I told Rachel that if you turned yourself in, I would forgive you. I know why you wanted to do it, Harvey. But I'm glad you didn't."
"Okay." Harvey nodded, trying to understand her reasoning behind it. He knew that if the tables were turned, he would be fuming with rage. But in the end, he would forgive her, too. After all, he couldn't stay mad at her forever. And by the looks of it, it was mutual.
There was a silence that followed his reply, which made Donna fumble with the ring on her finger. It was a habit she had developed a long time ago - probably during her high school years, but ever since she had bought herself a dainty golden set, containing a pair of earrings and a ring, for Secretary's Day with Harvey's card, it became a reassurance of sorts. Whenever he was in trouble, or they were at odds with each other, wearing that ring assured her that everything was going to be okay. And maybe that's why she got the courage to ask, "Does… Was the other night a goodbye for you?"
Without thinking, Harvey replied, "Maybe. But now, I hope that it's just a beginning."
"Of what?"
"Us." He took her hand into his, pulled her closer to him, and captured her lips with his.