Okay here's the latest, my apologies for the angst early on. Thanks so much lipamo and Bookworm for the reviewage! Anyone else reading if you could drop me a line, tell me what you think I'd appreciate it so much. Take as you will. More to come soon!
Not long after getting into the car, heading back to the highway, Carrie saw storm clouds, heard thunder, before it started teeming rain. The dark skies fit the mood that had been hanging over them both after leaving the trailer park. Brody hadn't said a word and she couldn't bring herself to get him talking.
After everything he'd endured he had to process. She knew that. She just wished he'd let her on the process of him processing. Watching him suffer in silence like this, being all shut down and closed off made her stomach knot.
Her stomach didn't feel much better as the rain turned to hail.
"Jesus," she sighed. Looking ahead she could make out flashing lights and realized the weather had caused an accident, the traffic to be backed up for miles.
"Look, I saw a sign for a motel just up the road. We don't have to head back tonight. Let's just get a room."
Looking over at him, seeing him nod at her but not speak, still shellshocked and sheet white, Carrie took one hand off the wheel. Reached to hold his on the center console. Once turning onto the exit the motel was just a mile or so away.
Pulling into the lot, seeing there were vacancies, she parked and went to get them a room. Waving Brody over after.
"It's room number eight," she said, handing him the keys. "I'll go get the bags, lock the car. You go inside."
Nodding, Brody trudged over, let himself into the small room. Flashing back to the last time he'd stayed in one similar to it. It had been Carrie's doing. An attempt to get him to regroup, keep from running off the rails. He wondered if she was resorting to the same strategy tonight. Given how he'd behaved he wouldn't be surprised.
"Hey. Give me a hand with these?" Carrie called from the doorway.
Walking over, Brody slung the duffles over his shoulder, then took the picnic basket from her. After setting the bags near the TV cabinet, the basket on the small corner table, he sat at the foot of the bed.
"So, you want to watch TV?" Carrie asked. "Maybe we'll find a stupid movie to-"
Trailing off, realizing he hadn't heard a word she sighed. Plopped down to sit beside him.
"Hey..."
Putting her arm around him she bent her head, kissed his shoulder.
"Tell me what you're thinking," she said softly, stroking his hair as he turned, gave her a small smirk.
"You mean to tell me intelligence officers can't read thoughts yet?"
Pleasantly surprised that he'd cracked a joke, albeit a lame one, Carrie smiled at him.
"No, but I hear it's a work in progress," she lightly laughed as Brody moved out from under her arm, reached to hold the side of her face. Leaning in he kissed her. Gently at first before going to make it more passionate.
"Brody..."
When she pulled back he started kissing her neck, nipping at her skin while his hand slid under her top.
"Brody, shit. I-"
"You're so beautiful...", he murmured against her collarbone while his hand reached back, tried to unhook her bra.
Carrie's instinct was to help him. Get his clothes off too and pull him back against the pillows, over to the dresser, anywhere in the small room really. But she knew why he was doing this. The same reason he'd opted not to do anything at the cabin. He wanted a distraction. They both did. But what they needed to do was figure all this out, not just fuck and let everything fester.
"Brody, stop. Jesus, we can't..."
When he didn't pull back, went to lay her back Carrie shoved him back, hard.
"Hey! I said to fucking stop!" she shouted as he swore and got up from the bed. Looking ready to punch a wall in.
"What happened to us not fucking as a distraction for yourself?!" Carrie yelled. Not getting an answer, she rolled her eyes and stood up too. Rubbed his arm.
"C'mon, Brody. Nathaniel was nothing but a bitter fucking old man who-"
"Who you said to give the benefit of the doubt," Brody retorted as her eyes narrowed. Tightening her grip on his upper arm she turned him to face her.
"Look I asked you if you had second thoughts! One word from you I would've turned the car around at the front gate!"
"No you wouldn't have," Brody scoffed, moving her arm off of him.
"What do you mean?! Of course I would've-"
"Oh for Christ's sake. You said yourself that confronting my dad was the only way out of this mess. The only way to make this all stop. You wouldn't have let me pass that up! Not when our chance at a future's so fucking dependent on it."
"Look, if I knew then what I know now...," Trailing off Carrie sighed, shook her head.
"You would've said don't bother?" Brody scoffed. "The woman who gave up her career for us without batting an eye. You would've been fine if I'd said thanks but no thanks? Kept us in limbo until this all fucking settled down?"
"I wouldn't have been...I'd have found another way! I wish I'd found another way! Jesus, you think I want you to look and sound this broken right now?"
"Hey, so long as you can fix me up," Brody muttered.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"C'mon, Carrie. You protecting me, handling me, pulling me back from the fucking brink. Since you got my confession in that bunker it's just about all you've done. And you enjoy it. You'd have to! Otherwise you'd have given up on me ages ago," he scoffed.
"What's your point? That I've got a fucking savior complex?!"
"Yeah. You do. What else would you call what my dad said, you bending over backwards to-"
"Hey don't you quote that asshole back to me! Don't you fucking dare!" Carrie cut in, her eyes welling up before storming over. "I'd maybe call what you described concern because I love you and I'm having your child. But if you want to brush it off as my being obsessed, needing to be a fucking superhero you go right ahead."
"Carrie...I didn't-"
"Look if you want to take that prick's bullshit to heart, go ahead. It's your choice. Just don't expect me to stand around and hear it," she scoffed. Stepping around him she grabbed her duffle, slung it over her shoulder.
"Carrie, where the fuck are you go-"
"To get myself another fucking room! Jesus. I can't even look at you right now."
"Carrie...shit. Carrie!" Brody yelled.
Chasing her out into the hall, after a few steps he stopped, knowing it was useless to try and hash things out now. Not unless he wanted her blood pressure to go through the roof more than it had.
Thinking back on what he'd said, not even remembering half of it he felt sick to his stomach. He stood in place though and watched as she walked to the manager's office, got another room key and let herself into a room three doors down from his.
Slightly more at ease she'd gotten there and back without being bothered, he let himself back in his room. Dreading the thought of being alone in there all night, but knowing after the way he'd behaved he fucking deserved it.
Slamming the door shut behind him, he was sorely tempted to knock something over, hit something. But deciding to spare his knuckles he bent down, unzipped his duffle bag and retrieved a flask he'd stashed in a side pocket of it.
Uncapping it, his stomach lurched when he remembered the contents. Straight bourbon, same as what his dad had been drinking their entire visit.
"Fucking son of a..."
Cutting over to the bathroom he poured the bourbon down the sink. Then after throwing the flask as hard as he could against the bathroom door, he sank down onto the floor, wedged himself in the gap between the bathtub and the wall. The confined space giving him at least a little comfort in all this mess.
Hearing something hit the tile floor he glanced down, saw his phone had fallen out of his pocket. Picking it up he was tempted to call the burner Carrie had somehow gotten her hands on. But knowing she probably wouldn't answer he opted to call someone she would speak to, happily.
After three rings someone picked up, answered.
"Hey, J.J. It's Nick. Can you do me a favor and put Farrah on the phone? Thanks."
Hearing a soft 'hello' on the other line, in spite of everything going on a smile filled Brody's face.
"Hey, brat. How are you?"
"I okay."
"Just okay?"
When she didn't answer right away, Brody braced himself for a shrill "WHERE DID YOU GO?!"
"Where did you go, Nick! I...I miss you," Farrah cried.
"Farrah, I miss you too. There was just someone who I needed to go and see."
"I don't like someone," she grumbled.
"Honestly I don't like him either," Brody grumbled back. "Listen though, I need you to do me a favor, okay? After you get off the phone with me I need you to call another number."
"Who?"
"Someone I know you'll want to talk to. And she'll want to talk to you too."
"I want to talk to you though!" Farrah sniffled.
"Hey that's fine. That's fine. We can talk as long as you want," Brody assured. "Tell me what you've been up to. How are things at Quinn's?"
"I sleep on air mattress last night. And it pop."
"It popped?! Jesus, are you okay?"
"Yes. But it make loud noise. And then whoosh."
"It whooshed on you, huh?" Brody laughed.
"Yes. So I sleep on Pete's bed and he sleep on rug."
"Did you give him a pillow and blanket like you gave me that time?"
"Yes! I nice!" Farrah said defensively, getting him laughing.
"Hey, easy. I know you're nice. So what else has been going on?"
After hearing her talk about Calvin, tell him a joke the imam had made at the community center, gush about the petting zoo Max and Virgil had taken her to and giggle about beating Quinn and J.J in a light saber rematch, Brody relaxed substantially.
Farrah started to relax too, yawning twice during her story about the light sabers. Worried if he kept her on the phone any longer she'd be too tired to call Carrie, Brody knew he had to try and wrap things up.
"Listen, Farrah, you remember I told you to make another call?"
"Yes. What is number?"
"I'll tell you but I want you to write it down okay? And call it as soon as we're done talking."
"Yes, I do it."
"Good. You have a pen?"
"Yes. It green though."
"Green's okay. Green's just fine," Brody assured. Rattling off the number to her, after he asked her to she repeated it back.
"Okay, you got it."
"Okay, I call."
"Good. And listen, brat. I don't know exactly when I'm gonna be back, but I love you. You know that right?"
"I know. I love you too," Farrah sighed. "I just miss..."
"Yeah, me too. Just call that number though. It'll make you feel better."
"Pink swear?"
"Yeah. Pink swear," Brody smiled.
"Okay. Bye, Nick."
"Bye, brat."
Hanging up, setting the phone down on the floor he resumed his earlier position, hugged his knees to his chest. Content to stay put in this dingy corner, for the rest of the goddamn night.