Okay here's the latest. My apologies that this took forever and a day to get out. Between the holidays and work life caught up with me. Forgive the ugly cutoff here. I'll promise I'll explain myself soon (and play catch up on a few fics!) Thanks so much zarqa, Bookworm and lipamo for the reviewage and your patience. And to jazu10501 for following/favoriting! Glad I caught your interest! Here goes nothing.
Walking off the porch, wishing he hadn't parked so far from the house. Brody tried his remote key for the van. Realizing it wasn't working he rolled his eyes, cut around to the drivers side to unlock it manually.
Managing to do so even in the dark, he got in the car, reached in the glove box for his phone. Dialing the extension to Carrie's room. After three rings she picked up.
"Mathison."
"Hey. It's me."
Sitting up in bed Carrie flipped on the nightstand lamp, ran her free hand through her hair. "Hi."
"How are you?"
"Why are you calling me?" she frowned.
"I always called you before your curfew."
"Yeah. Before you stopped calling and speaking to me all together."
Rolling her eyes she snorted.
"Carrie, I-"
"Look Brody, I've had a long day. I don't want to get into-"
"I'm sorry," Brody interjected. "I'm so...sorry. The way I've been acting since we saw my dad, even before. I'm fucking ashamed of myself, Carrie. You did nothing wrong but I pushed you away like you had."
"Yeah. You did," Carrie sniffed.
"I'm sorry."
"Jesus, you keep saying that! It's not enough!" she yelled.
"I know...there...there's no excusing it."
Sighing, running a hand over her face she spoke again after a beat. "Farrah visited me. Me and Saul. We talked about Langley. About my stint in Beirut. She asked me if I was ever scared when I was over there. I told her that I was. But that it helps when you're with people you can trust. That you can depend on."
"Why are you telling me this?" Brody asked.
"Because I'm about to do something that's more terrifying to me than pursuing high ranking targets in fucking war zones, Brody! I'm having a baby in four fucking months!" Carrie choked out.
"And I thought I was doing it with a partner. With someone I could depend on. I thought I had no reason to be scared, but now?"
Between the crack in her voice and her words Brody felt his heart crack in half. Leaning forward in the front seat of the van he ran his hand over his face, shook his head. "Carrie, I'm so-"
"I asked one thing of you before I put myself in here. I asked you to take care of Farrah. And when we talked she was telling me how much she missed you every five seconds. I...I can't fucking handle that. I can't handle her feeling hurt and abandoned when I'm in here and can't hug her and tell her that she still has me. Not when she doesn't have me all because I'm...I'm stuck here in this fucking..."
Trailing off, looking at her dimly lit surroundings that felt like nothing more than a fucking cell, chin quivering her breathing hitched, went shallower.
"Carrie, I need you to take it easy okay. Take it easy. You're fine. You're alright. I'm here, I'm still talking to you." Brody soothed, hearing her gasp, fight for breath on the other line.
Putting the key in the ignition he started the van, but knowing he couldn't get off the phone he kept it parked, tried not panic. "Look, hit the call button okay? Get Abby in there. She'll-"
"No...No no no, I can't, no...no meds, no-"
"Okay then get to the window, love. Open it as far as it can go. C'mon Carrie." he ordered, hearing her get up, scramble for the window he knew was on the wall to the left of her bed.
"Get some fresh air in there and hold onto the sill. Just take deep breaths, love. Deep breaths. In and out. I want to hear you taking them, okay?"
"I...I can't, I-"
"Don't try and talk to me, just keep breathing!" Brody commanded. "Keep breathing, Carrie."
Able to hear her he leaned back in the seat, tears springing to his eyes. "Good. Look outside too, okay. See how clear it is? All the stars are out."
"I...I see them, yeah," Carrie choked out. Unclenching her still trembling hand from the sill she wiped her eyes, her breathing back to semi-normal.
"I'd ask you what you wished for but I...I think I know," Brody said gruffly, running a hand over his face.
"I didn't wish for this, Brody. Any of this."
Shaking her head she moved to sit back on the bed, still facing the window.
"Carrie, everything I've done...I never meant..." Voice breaking Brody swallowed hard, tried again. "I never wanted to hurt you, love. I was only trying to protect-"
"I didn't need it!" Carrie spat. "I don't need you to keep me safe or sheltered from you or any of your bullshit. All I, all I needed was for you to stay. All I asked for was that you stay!"
"Carrie, I couldn't-"
"I didn't put myself in here so you could just take off! That...that wasn't part of the fucking plan!" she shouted then swore under her breath, wiped her eyes.
"I did this, I did all of this to keep you here, Brody. For Farrah, for our fucking kid. For me, for the sake of what's left of my fucking sanity! Because I had to go fall in love with you and there's no way out of that for me. I...I didn't have a fucking choice!"
"Carrie..."
"My falling for you just happened. Just like this baby just happened. I didn't ask to be pregnant! I...I never wished for or wanted this. Any of this."
Moving his hand off his face Brody frowned, this being the first time he'd heard her speak this way about the pregnancy.
"If it hadn't been yours I wouldn't have fucking kept it. You had to have known that."
Trailing off, her hand ghosting over her belly she shook her head, choked back a sob.
"Please don't make me regret going forward with something that I never asked for in the first place. Please don't do that to me," she whispered, her eyes squeezed shut against tears.
"Carrie..."
After silence set in, swallowing hard Carrie was the first to break it, seeing the clock on her nightstand.
"It's past curfew, I have to-"
"Wait! Carrie wait, just...just wait a second, please," Brody begged.
"What?! I told you I have to-"
"Everything is gonna be fine, Carrie," he said sincerely, hoping with everything in him she'd believe it. "I'm not just saying it to make you feel better. It's the truth. I-"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Carrie cut in. "I have-"
"Saul and Danny got Lauder to back off!" Brody exclaimed. "They did, Carrie. Saul told me himself."
"I don't understand, when did you...how did-"
"It doesn't matter-"
"It does!" Carrie snapped, wiping her eyes. "It matters to me, Brody."
"Look, I'm gonna be at the hospital as soon as visiting hours start tomorrow and I'll tell you everything in person. Face to face, Carrie. I owe you that much. I swear though, it's done. Lauder's finished, the press are gonna back off. It's gonna be okay, love. Everything is gonna be okay. You believe me?"
"I...I want to," she choked out after a beat. "I want to believe that."
"Then do, okay? Then-"
Hearing the line go dead, then the dial tone Carrie frowned. "What the...Brody?"
Not getting a response, still holding, staring down at the phone she went to redial his number before hearing footsteps, the door creak open.
"Carrie? Honey, it's past curfew what are you-"
Shaking her head in exasperation Abby walked up, went to take the phone from her.
"Abby, I-"
"Carrie, you need to get your rest! Now Dr. Addison said-"
"I know what she fucking said!" Carrie snapped, but catching a stern look from the older woman looked down and away, ashamed.
"I'm sorry. Rest is important for me and the baby. I...I know."
"Especially when you were up at four o'clock this morning roaming the halls," Abby reminded, nodding for her to lie back before tucking the blanket around her.
"I know, I know. I just couldn't shut my eyes," Carrie sighed, her hand in her hair as she let out a slow breath,
"We said we were gonna avoid sleep-aids now that we're in the home stretch. But if you need to we can-"
"No, it's fine. I'll...I'll be fine."
Arching a brow, perched at the foot of the bed Abby looked at her skeptically.
"Did the phone call just now help any?"
Eyes welling up, Carrie sniffed, snorted.
"Before we got cut off he said everything's gonna be okay. Like I'm just supposed to fucking believe that."
"Why don't you?"
"I want to. I told him I want to, I just..."
When her voice broke, seeing her chin quiver, sighing Abby moved closer, pulled her into a tight hug.
"Shh, it's alright now. It's alright," she soothed, rubbing Carrie's back.
"I think you may want to try and take that man at his word. Just for tonight. And when he comes to see you tomorrow you can figure out for sure he's telling the truth. You're pretty good at that, aren't you?"
"Used to be, anyway," Carrie scoffed.
"I don't think that's a skill that really goes away," Abby smiled, still holding her when Carrie didn't make a move to let go.
"I just want this all to be over. I want it all to be fucking finished and to be back with Farrah and-"
"I know. I know. And you're gonna be out of here before you know it. That wall calendar of yours, taken a look at it lately?" she laughed as Carrie nodded, finally pulled back.
"I know you've been on edge the past few days, and you've had valid reasons. But you're almost out of here, honey. And once you are everything is gonna settle down. I'm sure of it."
"Yeah?"
"You and Farrah and Brody and that little one on the way? You're all gonna find peace together. I'm sure of it."
"That's pretty rare for us. Him and I anyway," Carrie said before yawning, curling back up against the pillows.
"Yeah but it's not impossible. I know that for a fact," Abby assured, tucking a stray hair behind the blonde's ear.
"You get some sleep now, okay. And if you need anything else you call me."
After Carrie nodded, shut her eyes, quietly stepping out into the hall Abby walked back over to her office, only to see her phone going off. Frowning, seeing the hour she nervously picked up.
"Hello?"
"Abby?! Saul. I...I need you to get Carrie for me. Get her downstairs to the E.R entrance."
"What the...what's going on?" she frowned, then froze hearing sound in the background. "Saul? Are those sirens?!"
"Just get her up, Abby!", Saul barked, watching fearfully as they closed the back door of the ambulance, drove off down his street.
"Please. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't goddamn fucking urgent. Tell her..."
Looking down at his blood stained shirt he swore under his breath, shook his head as Mira led him in the house, wanting to clean him up before they left.
"Tell her I'll see her there soon."