A/N: This one's early because the last one was late.

Raising a hand

by LQ Aredhel

Chapter Seven

At around 7 p.m., JD flopped down onto a bed in the on-call room and let out a long sigh. The first half of his shift was finally over, but a twelve-hour shift on thirty minutes of sleep had really killed him; he fell asleep only moments after pulling the blankets up to his chin.

A few hours after his shift had started, Carla had stopped him by the nurse's station.

"JD," she called, "Dr. Cox says you and your brother got into a fight. I can't believe you didn't tell us that he was in town." She put her hand on her hip and gave him a head bob. "I didn't even know you could keep secrets. What's going on?"

JD shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "He's uh..." His mind was drawing a blank. "He's only here for a couple of days?"

She narrowed her eyes. "What did you fight about?"

He'd pshawed. "I don't know why Dr. Cox would think we were fighting, but we're not. I'm just teaching him to play...World of Warcraft. On the Internet."Just add goofy smile. It worked perfectly.

Carla shook her head fondly. "You're such a nerd."

A dash of carefree shrug, and she'll walk away.

JD knew his friends too well.

Why had Dr. Cox talked to Carla about it anyway? JD barely remembered what was said in the phone conversation, but apparently it had been enough to convince Dr. Cox that he'd been hurt. He'd just have to avoid his mentor until the concealer was no longer needed; it would be so embarrassing if he figured it out and told everyone that JD had been walloped in the eye.

Immediately afterwards, an intern asked for his help with an uncooperative patient. It was a young girl, probably about thirteen. She had just received stitches for a gash on her brow, but she was shaking badly and the intern couldn't get her to tell him what else was wrong. Of course, JD was the go-to guy for sensitive situations.

"I'm Doctor John Dorian, but you can call me JD," he gently greeted the young girl, who only stared ahead, blank-faced. "What's your name?"

"It's on my chart," she replied through her teeth, her voice wavering. She looked as though she was in a lot of pain.

JD was just happy that she had responded; it was a start. He quickly glanced at her name on the chart and continued. "Okay, Jenna, I understand that you took quite a blow to the head. How did that happen?"

She shrugged. "I fell."

JD cleared his throat; those words were way too familiar. "Is your head still bothering you?" he moved on. She shook her head no. "Is there something else that's bothering you?"

She stared at the door behind him. "Why would you think that? I'm fine."

"You're shaking." He gestured to her trembling hand. She turned her arm out as she moved her hand under the blanket, and JD noticed bruising along the insides of her arms. He pretended not to notice. "Did you get into a fight, Jenna?"

She shook her head. "I just fell."

JD nodded and put the chart back in its place. "I know how that can be, I'm quite clumsy," he admitted, smiling as best he could. "Jenna, where are you parents?"

She narrowed her eyes further and shrugged.

"If you're in pain," JD began, his voice quiet, "all you have to do is tell us and we can help you. You know that, right?" She nodded. "And if you're having problems with anyone, you can tell us that, too. And we'll help you." She didn't move. "You'll call me if you need anything, right?" She nodded, and JD was shocked to see a tear roll down her cheek. He just stared at her for a moment, then moved closer to the bed. "Jenna, if your parents are hurting you in any way, you know that you don't have to stay with them, right? You don't have to go back to them." She just nodded again, never looking at him. He nodded back and left the room.

"See if Dr. Goldman is on-call and bring him up here," he'd told the intern who was standing outside of the girl's room. "Tell him that we have a possible case of child abuse." The intern's eyes widened and he scampered off.

As JD had made his way back to his own patients, he felt sick with grief: he wished he could have helped Jenna more. He'd wished he'd been able to solve all of her problems and take all of her pain away. No child deserved to be hurt. JD could only hope that he'd gotten through to her when he told her that she didn't have to go back...

JD jerked awake, his thoughts still swirling frantically in his head. Carla stood above him, her hands on his shoulders.

"It's time to get up, Bambi. Dr. Cox has been covering your patients for two hours, and he's about to snap." Her voice was soft, soothing, but her words barely registered. He nodded and she left the on-call room.

"You don't have to go back..."

The words kept twirling through his mind as he lay back and stared at the top bunk. What if he didn't go to Daniel's house tomorrow night? What if he just...never saw Daniel again?

Not that he was comparing his situation to a thirteen-year-old girl being hurt by her parents, of course. It was just that...sometimes, Daniel scared the hell out of him.

His mind swam back to the day Daniel had slapped him, the looks he'd gotten from Carla and Turk at the bruise on his cheek, Dr. Cox's derogatory accusations, and his angry looks when JD's head was split open from being knocked into the bathtub. He thought about crying in the locker room, and buying concealer at four in the morning to cover his black eye.

JD sighed deeply and covered his eyes with his arm. Maybe their situations weren't that different. Maybe he could just...stop going to Daniel's apartment. What's the worst that could happen? Daniel didn't know where he lived. JD could always block his phone number so that he couldn't call him.

He sat up on the bed and his head swayed; he was still exhausted. And how could he even think about never seeing Daniel again? After all he'd done for JD...he was the only one who was there for him when he broke up with Julie. He was nothing but a good friend. What's a few bumps on the head in the long run anyway?

But that night, when he was drunk...

The door slammed open and the lights flipped on and suddenly Dr. Cox was sitting on the bed across from JD.

"I have half a mind to just shove off these two-dozen patients into your lap and call it a night if you don't get your ass out of bed and," his words slowed as he gazed at JD's right eye, "do your job. Preferably before someone dies as both of us are currently engaged in a staring contest rather than trying to save their lives now what the hell is that?"

JD had been trying to squint his left eye to match his right the whole time Dr. Cox was talking, but apparently he'd failed. "What's what?" he asked, his voice still sounding groggy.

"Looks like you've got a shiner there," he explained as he gestured to JD's eye. "Did you purchase that to go with the bruise on your cheek and the cut on the back of your head? Or maybe they all got a group rate."

JD sighed, lowering his head. His concealer must have rubbed off onto the pillow. He just wanted to go back to sleep. "Dr. Cox, it's no big deal. Dan and I just got into a fight, remember?" Might as well stick to that story. He mentally high-fived himself for remembering it.

"Yeah." Dr. Cox looked skeptical. "Since when do you call your brother Daniel? And since when were you on his bruise-a-day plan? Does he even live around here?"

JD just shook his head. Why were they even having this conversation? "Look, if you don't want to believe me, why don't you just tell me what you want me to say, okay? Why do you even care? So I've got a couple of bruises, so what? I don't have to explain myself to you."

Dr. Cox actually looked surprised. "Well, somebody's got their panties all in a twist. Why so defensive?" He leaned in when JD just snorted. "Look, Newbie, I'm actually, honestly, trying to help you for once. If I were you, I'd take hold of this opportunity before it's gone. Now I heard your little phone call and I don't believe for one second that it was Dan who gave you that black eye, much less a knock to the back of the head. I don't know if you've been running around after work looking for bar-fights or what, but this little suicide run has got to stop if you're going to come in to half-dead and with a concussion."

"I don't hav--"

"I know, Jessica, I'm aware of the fact that you don't have a concussion today, and way to go for that, but..." He paused, then leaned back. "For God's sake, would you just tell me what's going on already? I know you can barely stand to hold onto a secret for two seconds and you've been showing up with injuries for the past three days."

JD was suddenly aware of how similar this conversation was to his earlier talk with Jenna: except in this case, he was the abused patient. The thought made him extremely uncomfortable. He considered, only for a second, telling his mentor what had happened, but he could already see Dr. Cox laughing and gleefully spreading the news across the hospital.

"Dr. Cox, I'm not a child," he asserted, and, amazing himself, stood without swaying. "Any problems I have, I can handle on my own." It wasn't exactly true, but in this case, maybe all he needed to do really was to stop seeing Daniel.

His mentor just stared at him for several moments. "Fine," he eventually stated, standing as well. "But if Carla asks, we had a long conversation about feelings and made everything in the world right again."

JD didn't allow his hurt to show. "Agreed." Of course, Dr. Cox had only come to talk to him because Carla had somehow scared him into doing it. Of course. Dr. Cox didn't actually care.

Dr. Cox growled. "Jesus, you look like your puppy just died," he muttered as he led the way out of the on-call room.

By the time his shift ended at 7 a.m., JD had completely made up his mind. He'd reapplied the concealer to his black eye, but all of the annoyed looks that he was getting from Dr. Cox throughout the day was the tip of the ice burg; he just wanted things to go back to normal. JD could remember a time when he spent every night after work with Turk watching television or going out to bars and flirting with girls. Whatever happened to that? And whatever happened to him being happy to receive looks from his mentor; he used to be glad for any bit of attention thrown his way, but today he just wanted to be left alone. He felt humiliated that Dr. Cox even knew about the black eye.

He remembered when he used to talk to his friends about his problems. Maybe not girl problems...okay, he'd have to learn to get along without whining about breaking up with girlfriends. That wouldn't be so bad, would it? Everything else, though, he could take to Carla or Turk or Elliot and feel a million times better for having it off his chest. It had been so long since he'd spoken to them about anything important that he forgot what it was like.

It was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of JD was he made his way through the hospital, ready to start his day. Carla stopped him at the entrance with a big smile.

"Good job tonight, Bambie," she said. JD glowed – okay, so it may have just been that he was really tired and emotionally unstable, but those words meant a lot. "And, JD? You've really impressed me lately."

JD paused, confused. "Really?" He hadn't been doing anything different with his patients.

"Yeah," Carla nodded, smiling at him fondly. "We only said that you didn't have to talk about ex-girlfriends and things like that, but...you've really done a great job dealing with your problems without, you know, complaining to any of us."

"Ah." He nodded, surprised and unsure of what to say. "Yeah."

"You're really growing up, JD. I'm proud of you."

He nodded some more, blinking profusely as she patted his shoulder, then cleared his throat. There was just one thing that he had to ask, "So then...why did you make Dr. Cox talk to me?"

She gave him a look then and he suddenly knew that she had nothing to do with Dr. Cox reaching out to him, and he felt ten times worse for blowing him off. His heart sank, and his entire body slumped forward; he couldn't even convince himself to be happy that Dr. Cox was at least trying to be nice to him, because what was the point if JD was always going to screw it up?

Carla sort of opened her mouth to answer, but before anything came out, JD exited the hospital.

Turk already had a taped episode of the Gilmore Girls in the VCR and a bowl of candy on the coffee table when JD arrived home. It was touching, especially the huge grin on Turk's face, the excitement in his eyes just at the prospect of spending time with his best friend. JD fell asleep on the couch about halfway through the episode.

When he woke hours later to his phone ringing, the TV was off, and there was a blanket covering him. The apartment was empty.

Great, he thought to himself. Something else to be guilty about.

Elliot was on the phone, asking if he'd like to go out for drinks when she got off work at seven. He agreed to meet her. It was only noon, and JD spent the next several hours wandering around his apartment, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, straightening his room and generally doing anything to take his mind off of the fact that he just made plans with Elliot at a time when he was supposed to be with Daniel. He almost wished that she got off earlier; when four-thirty rolled around, he locked the door to his apartment and sealed himself in his room, forbidding himself from leaving.

At five, he felt like he would throw up.

How could he just not go? He was Daniel's only friend, his only human comfort in the whole world, and now JD was just abandoning him, breaking his promise to see him that night. How could JD be such an idiot? Just go to his apartment! Apologize for being late, he'll forgive you!

JD jumped off of his bed and raced through the apartment, flinging open the front door. Just stopped himself just before running into Elliot, her hand raised to knock.

"Woah!" she cried when she saw him almost slam into her. "In a hurry there, partner?" she giggled at her own joke and shook her head. "Sorry, I got off early so I figured I'd come pick you up."

JD realized that he was trembling; he probably looked like a freak, standing there shaking and panting and completely at a loss for words.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked, obviously confused. "Were you heading out?"

He shook his head.

She perked up. "Do you want to go to the bar early? They have half-price beers until six!"

I have other plans, I have somewhere that I need to be, someone needs me, I have to go... "Yeah, okay." Why the hell had he said that?

"Great, grab some shoes and let's boogie."

He did, and they left. JD followed her every action, ordered what she ordered, talked about whatever she brought up, and after three cheap beers the shaking stopped. He still felt ill, but the fear was slowly fading away as the warm fuzzy feeling of drunkenness oozed its way across his mind.

After six beers, he ran to the bathroom to throw up and splash water on his face. He glanced at the clock above the door to see that it was eight o'clock; long after he was supposed to meet Daniel. He was sick again, and he and Elliot soon left to pass out at her place.

It was a hard night, that first night. JD's thoughts emotions, his entire mind, was divided between wanting to go to Daniel and talk to him and reassure him, and wanting to forget that he'd ever met Daniel and go back to the way thing were before he met him. The nights after that were worse.

JD never planned on telling anyone about what had happened with Daniel, but he found himself desperately wanting to. When Carla would give him a concerned look, or Elliot invited him out so that she could talk about her relationship with Keith...all he wanted to do was spill it all. He felt like it needed to be said, but it just wouldn't come out. Not after Carla telling him how glad she was that he didn't whine to them anymore. It just didn't seem right. At least Dr. Cox had stopped giving him weird looks.

Every night, JD itched for companionship, for someone to be there with him and for him. He just wanted someone to talk to.

Only three days after he stopped seeing Daniel, Mrs. Barsol went into cardiac arrest and died. JD had just played chess with her the day before. Now he felt as though he couldn't see straight. He sat in her room facing her empty bed and tried to calm his beating heart, to stop it from constricting, but the squeezing stabbing pain just wouldn't go away, and he just wanted someone to talk to.

JD watched the dark shadows move across Turk's face as he entered the room and sat on the bed across from JD.

"You okay, man? You and Mrs. Barsol were pretty close."

JD nodded; he was fine. He tried to tell Turk that, but nothing came out.

"You've been acting pretty down lately," Turk continued, his voice low. "Is there something else that's bothering you?"

"I'm fine," JD finally managed to squeeze out.

Turk sighed. "You just haven't been yourself."

Why can't I just tell him? I just want to say it so bad, to get it out. It would just be another burden on his friend's shoulders.

JD sat up straight and looked his friend in the eye. "Don't worry about me, Turk. I'll be fine. I'm just sad, that's all. It's normal, right?"

"Yeah," Turk agreed. He looked relieved. "I understand. We've all been there."

"Yeah."

"She was a good 'ol gal. It was just her time."

JD nodded, giving his friend a little smile.

He wandered around town for hours after work, leaving Sasha at the hospital. He thought about Mrs. Barsol, about how she'd talked about her long, rich life, her loving family, her expectations of a beautiful afterlife. He remembered when he'd first learned, and first told her, that she was going to die. He'd gone to Daniel's house and talked at length about Mrs. Barsol; Daniel had been so compassionate, so understanding. It was all JD wanted at that moment.

When Daniel opened the door to his apartment, JD was red-eyed and crying, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"She died today," he said through his tears. "Mrs. Barsol, she's dead."

Daniel sighed and took JD into a tight hug, causing him to sob even harder. "I'm so sorry, Johnny. I can't even imagine...God, I'm sorry."