Chapter 3

I'd finished five books by the time Alice and Jasper returned, just as the sun was beginning to rise. I was on a Nathaniel Hawthorne kick and I struggled to turn my attention to Alice until she started up the stairs.

The smell of Bella hit me like a wave. It wasn't strong, and it wasn't quite right, but it was enough to make my throat ache with the need to be coated in blood. I turned to the same tactics I'd been using so far, immobilizing every inch of myself and committing to staying that way until I felt semi-controlled.

I tried not to stop breathing at all, and when Alice reached the top step, I understood what was happening. Bella's sugar and garden scent mixed with Alice's own pear and daisies, telling me that they'd been together, and probably hugged goodbye, very recently. I decided to test myself, pushing a little further but staying controlled.

"Alice? Can I try something?"

She smiled a knowing smile and waved her hand to invite me forward.

I took three steps closer, inhaling as I raised my foot and exhaling as I brought it down. I concentrated on the contractions in my muscles, deciding that if I felt so much as a twitch I hadn't consciously given direction for, I would bolt. When I was less than a foot from Alice, I leaned in, placing my nose inches above her shoulder and inhaling deep.

Alice's own scent dulled Bella's, shrinking the compulsion to sink my teeth into her. But still, Bella was there. Her scent was prominent enough to send the fire into my gut. I held, refusing to give in. When the fire receded, I inhaled again. The difference in temptation was infinitesimal, but it was a difference still. I wanted it slightly less. I attempted a third inhale, slowly becoming shocked at how easy it was to keep my feet planted, my jaw locked, my hands still.

My breaths continued until I was able to breathe normally. Then, I took a step back and smiled.

"Very well done, Bree. Of course, I knew you would succeed or I would have changed clothes before coming in. But still, I'm very impressed."

"Thanks," I said, elated by the praise. "Are we still going shopping today?" I was still wearing the light pink dress, and while I thought it looked phenomenal, I was excited to at least try on some new things, even if I couldn't afford them.

"No," Alice answered. "Shopping is coming to us."

She sprinted down the stairs, returning within the next second, this time with a pile of clothes larger than she was. Balancing the pile in her right hand, she grabbed my wrist with her left and drug me down the hall to her and Jasper's room. The pink and silver was less shocking this time, but no less overwhelming.

"How does Jasper live in here?" I asked her.

"He loves his wife very much," Jasper answered, appearing behind me without my notice. I'd been so distracted by the room that I'd not been paying attention to my surroundings. I again found myself shocked at how comfortable I was here.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm going out for a bit," he told Alice.

"I know," she answered with a sad smile. "Be safe."

He kissed her gently before he took off. Once he was gone, I asked her what he was up to.

"Hmmm," she said, staring past me with a slightly blank expression. "No, it's better if I don't tell you. It's nothing terribly interesting. I'll tell you what is interesting, though." She pulled an emerald green peplum blouse out from the middle of the pile. The blouse was smooth under my hand, flowing like water when I moved it.

"It's silk," I whispered. "Alice, it's beautiful, but I can't afford this."

"Oh don't be ridiculous."

"I'm serious Alice. This blouse would probably take all the money I have."

She sighed. "I've already paid for all of these. You keep what you want. We'll donate the rest."

My jaw fell open. "Are you…you can't…"

"Bree. We buy and donate clothes all the time. Settle down and start picking."

I was still amazed. I'd known the Cullens were loaded, and it made sense when I thought about how old some of them were. But to be able to drop literal thousands of dollars on high-end clothes for some vampire girl they'd just found a day ago was almost obscene.

She shook the emerald blouse at me again. "It'll fit you so well, and I promise once you've felt silk on your skin, you'll never want to wear anything else."

I allowed her words to tempt me and put the blouse on. She was right, I never wanted to take it off. The temperature of the silk conformed almost immediately to match the temperature of my skin. The material was lightweight and smooth; it was luxurious. I hadn't realized how much regular cotton, and even the soft velvet, itched my extra-sensitive vampire skin until now.

Plus, the blouse looked wonderful with the black jeggings she'd bought.

"You'll keep them," she said, already handing me my next outfit.

An hour later, I had enough clothes to last me two weeks straight without re-wearing anything. I'd been most attracted to the more eye-catching looks, but Alice made me take some plainer things too. I'd loved all of the flats, heels, and booties she'd bought and asked her if I could keep them all, with the promise that we'd donate them once I bought new ones. She'd laughed her bell peal laugh and added each pair to the keep pile. When we were finished, a small pile of clothes, containing a white dress with cutouts in weird places, three pairs of jeans, and a few blouses that just hadn't fit my petite frame correctly, was packed up to be donated the next time Alice went out. She helped me carry my new clothes to Rosalie and Emmett's room. I easily could've done it myself, but I appreciated the company.

Rosalie had cleared a space in the closet for my new things, and we put them away at human speed. When I got to a deep red tank top that I intended to layer under a soft black cardigan, I stopped for a moment.

"Ashley's favorite color was red," I said aloud. "My sister." I couldn't help but think about Ashley then. I'd begun to feel very much at ease with Rosalie and Emmett, but the friendship I was forming with Alice was a different kind of ease. Our conversations flowed naturally, as if we'd known each other for years and not hours. I'd always wished Ashley enjoyed fashion more. She wasn't one to care about clothes since she spent so much of her time outdoors hiking and playing sports. I was the one who always idled at store windows staring at the garments inside with envy.

Alice and I were bonding over our mutual love of expression through outfits, though, and I was enjoying the time I'd spent with her this afternoon more than anything else I'd done in the Cullen home so far.

"You miss her."

It wasn't a question, but I answered it anyway. "Yeah, I do. They told me that would fade, though."

Alice put down the blouse she was hanging and grabbed my hand instead. "They're right. It will fade eventually. Human memories always do, or so I'm told. It's not wrong to miss her, though. I think if I remembered having a sister before, I'd miss her too."

"So your human memories are gone, then?" I was wondering what kind of timeline I was looking at. If my memories of Ashley would fade that quickly, I wanted to write down what I had now, so that one day I could read it and hold onto her that way.

Alice smiled at me sadly. "I never had any human memories," she answered.

"At all?"

"I'm sure at one time they existed. I did live enough of a human life to mature into an adult. But I awakened with no memory of any of it."

I considered asking her to elaborate, but didn't want to intrude. Apparently, she could see that, because she continued.

"I found out about a year ago that I was committed to an asylum when I was a human. My family declared me dead the same day I was admitted. My best guess is that I probably had some level of precognition as a human as well. I don't know if that made me unstable, or if it was just too eerie for them to handle when I told them about things before they happened.

"Anyway, they had me committed. An older vampire took a liking to me, even while I was human. I think he cared for me and tried to make sure that I didn't bear the brunt of the medieval mental health treatments being tried in Mississippi at the time. At least, I like to imagine that's what he did.

"I don't know why he didn't change me sooner. Maybe he was one of those who thought our existence to be a damnation. Eventually, though, he was forced to change me."

"How?" I asked, enthralled by this tale.

"Have you ever heard of trackers?"

"Um, no? I don't think so."

"Trackers are vampires with a heightened sense that draws them to their prey. Apparently, I smelled quite good as a human. The tracker set his sights on me, so the old vampire changed me to protect me. I guess that really pissed the tracker off, so he killed the old one. But there wasn't much he could do about me, and I was no longer alluring to him.

"I really don't even remember my transformation. The shock therapy they did fried my brain enough that I didn't feel much. I do remember being completely overwhelmed by the precognition when I woke. It took quite a long time for me to figure out what was happening in my head. I could see every situation occurring hundreds, sometimes thousands of ways. It was hard to tell what was real and what wasn't.

"I eventually figured it out though. I saw Jasper and knew I would love him. And I saw us joining this family and loving them too."

She paused for a while as I turned her story over in my mind. It was terrible what had happened to her, both as a young girl and leading up to her transformation.

"I had a sister too," she said, breaking my reverie. "I have no memories of her. I don't even know what she looked like. But her name was Cynthia. She had a daughter who is still alive in Biloxi. I've checked on her a few times. She's an older woman now, and a successful therapist. I spent days laughing at that irony!" The thought brought her dazzling smile back to her face.

I, however, was still a few sentences back. "You've checked on her?"

Realization dawned on Alice's face as a plan formed in my mind. "Yes, I can check on her. You'll have to help me see a more definite idea of where she is, but I can make sure she's safe until you can check yourself."

Relief washed through me. Alice wouldn't lie to me, I could feel that. If she brought back news that Ashley was well, I would be able to trust that.

"Thank you, Alice. The last time I saw her, she was living in a yellow house off of 118th Avenue Southeast in Bellevue. She was being fostered, and they were hoping to adopt her."

"What does she look like?" Alice asked.

"A lot like me. Well, like I was before. She's short and small like I am. Her hair was longer, but it's the same dark brown as mine. Her eyes are brown and wide, and her face is softer and rounder, with kind of an oval shape."

"I think I'll be able to find her on that. It may take a few days, but I'll make sure she's okay."

"Thank you so much." For the second time since entering this house, I felt like I might have teared up if I'd been biologically able. "I know there isn't anything I have that you'd want, but if there's anything I can do to repay you, Alice, please let me know."

"There is something you can do, actually."

I raised my brow in question.

"It's been a very long time since I've spent time with someone who enjoys fashion like I do. I'd like it very much, Bree, if you would stay."

A smile broke out over my face. "I'm going to do my very best," I answered.

Later in the evening, Rosalie and Emmett returned. They both greeted me with wide smiles and then asked if I was ready for a return to the living room. I was apprehensive but determined and agreed without hesitation.

Bella's scent lingered still, but it was almost gone. I would be uncomfortable staying down here still, but I would no longer be wondering how long my control could hold. Craving a little shock value, I walked directly across the room and stretched out on the couch, propping my feet up and placing my hands behind my head.

Emmett allowed a laugh to boom, eliciting a grin from me. "You've got spunk, Bree. I like that."

Rosalie was peering down at me from the height of her stiletto heels. I was suddenly worried that I'd been disrespectful, but the look on her face was one of pride, concern, and something else that I could only describe as maternal.

Carlisle and Esme filed into the room soon after and told me again how well I was doing. It made me feel good to be so heavily supported and praised. We spent the rest of the evening and most of the night sitting in the living room, talking and laughing. I learned more and more about the Cullens, and the more I learned, the more I liked them. It still shocked me to see such a large group of vampires living so peacefully, so happily together, but the more I saw, the more I wanted it for myself.

The itch in my throat grew into a burn as the night went, but I didn't have to leave the room, and I was very proud of myself for that. Carlisle asked about my thirst, and it piqued just at being acknowledged. I was thirsty, and Rosalie decided that we'd hunt tomorrow night, perhaps sooner if necessary. I didn't want it to be necessary.

Edward came home around 3:30am, looking thoroughly windblown.

"Hello, Bree," he greeted me kindly.

"Hi. I'm sorry about all this," I said. Emmett swore it was fine and Edward didn't mind at all, but I couldn't imagine he was happy about not being able to bring Bella around his family, and I wanted to make my apologies.

"It's not a problem at all. I don't mind, and neither does Bella. And I'm sure my family has been too distracted to miss us." His smile was genuine.

I found myself intrigued by this human girl acquiescing so easily to the addition of a ravenous vampire intent on killing her to her boyfriend's family. I would have loved a chance to have a conversation with her, to get to know this human who was somehow stranger than the coven of vampires who didn't drink people.

"That won't be possible for quite a while," Edward said, answering my thoughts. "But she's intrigued by you too. She admires you, actually, for your decision to change your course."

I found that I admired her too, simply for her acceptance of Edward in all aspects. It couldn't be easy to date someone who wanted to kill you all the time. And I was endlessly amazed by Edward. How did he resist? How did he manage that sort of closeness without giving in and—

"She is a truly wondrous person, and I love her very much."

"That's so annoying," Emmett grumbled.

Edward shot him a grin. "Bree was just wondering about how Bella and I make our relationship work, and I was answering some of those thoughts." He turned back to me. "Speaking of Bella, she'll get restless if I'm not back soon. Please don't think I'm being rude."

He darted off to his room, returning quickly in a changed outfit. "Bree, I'm happy to see you adjusting so well. I'm sure I'll see you again soon." He bid the rest of his family farewell before running out into the night. I knew I shouldn't feel guilty and that this was probably routine for him, so I tried not to let that feeling subside.

It was replaced by thirst. We were moving into the third day since I'd fed, and the urge to sink my teeth into something warm was growing. It was still manageable, but I was looking forward to tonight when I could hunt.

We all relaxed back into our own activities. Alice went upstairs to arrange outfits for everyone, adamant that no one would leave this house looking anything less than perfect. The rest of the Cullens seemed to indulge this habit of hers. Emmett turned on the TV, watching old football games and criticizing all of the players. Esme sketched out plans for the room she intended to add. It looked like it was going to be more than just one room, and I was happy that, with all of the disruption I was causing, I'd managed to give her an excuse to do something she enjoyed. Carlisle was in his office, presumably studying some new medical advancement. I checked another book off my list, this time switching to the more modern stylings of John Green. Rosalie sat at the piano and played a beautiful melody that tied the whole scene together. It felt like we were in a movie.

The sun eventually rose, rousing everyone from their own interests.

"Well," Esme said. "I think you all should go to school. It's important to keep up appearances, and I think Bree will be perfectly fine here with me. Carlisle, go to work. I can see that you miss it." She turned to me. "That is, of course, if that's okay with you Bree."

"Yeah, I think that sounds good." Rosalie was looking at me apprehensively, and Emmett was looking at her like he was awaiting a fight. "I'll be okay, Rosalie. Esme's right, you all shouldn't disrupt your normal habits for me."

The apprehensive stare lasted a couple more seconds, but then she relented and Emmett relaxed, seeing that he wouldn't need to back her in an argument. "We'll go hunting together as soon as I get home," she told me.

"Sounds great."

All of the Cullens except Esme, who stayed downstairs with me, and Jasper, who hadn't yet returned, went upstairs to change clothes and get ready for the coming day. It only took a few minutes before they were all back downstairs. Alice informed them that the sun would peak through the clouds right at noon, so they would be late to lunch, but otherwise the overcast sheen of the Northwest Peninsula would hold.

Rosalie and Emmett told me a quick goodbye before they left, again promising we'd spend some time together on our hunt later. Just thinking about the hunt made my thirst rise again, and I worked hard to quell it before I did something stupid.

"Bree," Alice said, diverting my attention. "I need to ask for a favor."

"Sure."

"Jasper will probably be home in a couple of hours, and he'll probably be in a sour mood. I know why, but I'm hoping that he'll tell you on his own. Will you please take an opportunity to talk with him?'

"Um, yeah, I guess so. Should I be talking about anything in particular?"

She smiled a smile that lit up her entire face. "Yes, but I don't want to tell you what it is. The conversation should just fall into place." She danced out of the house into the garage, but then poked her head back through the doorframe. "And if he is rude to you, even in the slightest, remind him that I care about you very much and that I find rudeness intolerable."

She made her exit then, and I was again struck by just how strange she was. She was wonderful, and kind, and quickly becoming one of my favorite people in the house. But wow, she was weird.

I spent the first part of my day with Esme anxiously awaiting Jasper's arrival. I had no idea what was going to happen, and that, added with my rapidly increasing thirst, was making me irritable. Still, it was impossible to be grumpy with Esme. She was truly the gentlest person I'd ever met. She took me through her plans for the addition to the house, asking me what I thought along the way and if I had any preferences for my room. My only request was bookshelves, and she changed the plans to include a wall of built-ins.

She was going to add a door off the back of the garage that would lead to a small greenhouse. She told me she'd always enjoyed growing flowers, but had never been able to due to the cold and dark places the Cullens normally chose to live. A greenhouse would give her the ability to grow things in a controlled environment.

Esme asked if I would mind having to walk through the greenhouse to get to my own room, and I told her I wouldn't mind at all. My room would be placed behind the kitchen, and I saw no reason to add a doorway in the kitchen as well. The built-in bookshelves would make up the entire wall that divided my room from the kitchen. The wall opposite the bookshelves would be one large window, much like all of the other rooms in the house. I'd get my own bathroom too. I told her this was all really unnecessary, that a small space just to store my new clothes would do, but she insisted on giving me as much a place in the house as anyone else had, and I was very grateful.

After the room was built, Esme assured me that we would look through as many interior design catalogues as it took to make the room my own. I'd not lived in a house for a while, and even when I did, my room in my human home had been very plain. I had no idea what I wanted to do in this one, but I was elated at even having the possibility of adding my own design to it.

Jasper arrived home while Esme and I were outside. She'd been pacing off the dimensions of the greenhouse, my room, and the bathroom, setting herself up to measure for materials. He wasn't quiet as he entered, and I took that as a sign that he wanted us to know he was there.

Sure enough, he came outside within seconds.

"What are you two doing?" he asked.

"Pacing off the dimensions of the new rooms I'm adding," Esme answered. "I'd like to get materials ordered today. We could have this addition done by next week if we all pitch in."

Jasper nodded. "Do you mind if I steal Bree for a moment?"

"Actually," Esme answered, "I think I'm all done. I'll leave you two alone while I add my measurements to my sketches." She touched my arm gently as she left. It was a comforting gesture.

As Jasper paced further out into the yard, my anxiety grew.

"You don't need to worry," he whispered, though of course I could hear. "I won't hurt you."

"I'm not worried," I lied. "Just curious is all."

Jasper turned around. "Would you…I…" he took a breath and tried again. "You're doing quite well for a newborn, especially one created into the environment you were."

"Um, thank you. I've really been trying."

Jasper took another deep breath. I knew he didn't actually need the air, which made me wonder what he was settling himself for.

"I was created during the American civil war," he said. "The woman who turned me controlled the South at the time. I was turned as part of her initiative to maintain control. I quickly moved up in her ranks because of my ability to influence the moods of those around me. It wasn't an easy life, but it was what I knew."

I stayed quiet, not really sure of how I should respond.

"I tell you this to say that I understand, the violence and distrust that you've been exposed to before now. I understand feeling the need to be constantly vigilant and prepared to defend your life. I also understand the ways that life encourages bloodlust and overindulgence. You seem to be doing fine, but if ever you aren't, I know how it feels, and I'd like very much to assist you however I can."

His speech was stiff. It dawned on me that even though Jasper knew all of the feelings of the people around him, talking about his own made him incredibly uncomfortable.

"Thank you, Jasper. It wasn't…well, I was going to say it wasn't bad. But I guess I had an advantage."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Um, there was a guy named Fred in our…in our group. He was talented, and he could repulse people. There's really no other way to describe it. If he didn't want you to come near, or even to see him, he would make you feel just incredibly ill. I endured the sickness at first though. I'm small, and I wouldn't have stood a chance in a fight. The others rarely noticed me. It got better as Fred learned to control it, and eventually he could keep me under his umbrella of repulsion without making me sick."

He considered me for a moment before he answered. "Your instincts are really very good."

In return, I considered him. I'd noticed his scars when he'd been running around the battle scene, but I noticed them again now. They littered every surface of his skin, a thousand tiny chips in the statue of his body.

"You've really seen the worst of what we are," I said.

"I have," he answered without hesitation. "The absolute worst. And then Alice found me and led me to the best." The corners of his mouth perked at that.

"I don't talk about that time in my life often. It was very difficult to live through, and it is, in some ways, even more difficult in my memory. But I do understand what your existence has been to this point. And I will talk with you, if ever the need arises."

"Thank you, Jasper. Really."

He inclined his head and I realized he was finished if I was.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he answered.

"Did I…am I the reason you've been gone all night? Did I run you off?"

He grinned again. "Perceptive, too. The answer is yes, and then no. I needed some time to myself, to ruminate on some of the decisions I've made and struggles I've had in this life. The ease with which you've adjusted thus far did prompt that. But no, Bree, you didn't run me off. You just encouraged me to evaluate my mindset, is all. Thank you for that."

I really didn't know what to say, so I chose silence.

"I'm going to head back inside and wash the dirt off. I'll owe Alice an apology when she gets home and I'd like to be presentable."

I nodded my head and watched him as he took off inside. He was right, the other Cullens would be home soon. And that meant that I could hunt. The fire had subsided as Jasper and I talked, but now that the distraction was gone, it was raging down my throat and into my gut, spurring me to douse it in sweet, sweet liquid.

The impulse to seek out blood was strong, and I decided it would be best if I walked around the house to meet Rosalie and Emmett in the front instead of re-exposing myself to Bella's scent, no matter how dilute it was by now.

I sat on the front steps and waited, employing my freeze-and-refuse-to-move tactic until the others appeared in the yard.

"Shit," Emmett said as he approached. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I was afraid to move even my lips.

"What? What's wrong?" Rosalie flew to his side.

"Look at her eyes." He jerked his head toward me.

Rosalie's eyes flashed, but she made no further comment. Instead, she extended her hand, pulling me to my feet and leading me through the trees in pursuit of a meal.