A/N: So much homework, thank God for Mountain Dew.

Fun Fact: Raising a Hand is LQ's longest fan fiction to date!

Raising a Hand

By LQ Aredhel

Chapter 14

Only moments after downing a few more extra-strength Tylenol, JD was once again fast asleep in his hospital bed; walking around that day had exhausted him. But hours later JD burst awake again and again, once at 11 p.m., and again at 2 and 5 in the morning. Over and over the nightmares plagued him, causing him to jerk as he tried futilely to escape Daniel's rough and angry hands, his forceful body. Sometimes Elliot was there when he awoke, watching him worriedly but not interfering; only offering reassuring words as he drifted back off. Why wouldn't the dreams stop?

When he shot awake at 8 a.m. after being trapped, helpless, between Daniel and the door to the janitor's closet, JD gave up on falling back asleep. He was exhausted, but the sun was shining and he resolved himself to remain awake for as long as he could; perhaps he could find another topic to dream about.

He had to use the bathroom.

Having successfully walked on his own twice the day before, JD decided not to call a nurse and instead slowly raised his tired body off the bed and onto his feet. Most of his body was weak from disuse, and felt numb as he hobbled to the bathroom; but his ribs felt like they were cutting through his skin, and he used more of his lacking muscle strength just to keep his upper body as still as possible on the trip. But he made it.

There was a mirror above the sink in the bathroom. JD was shocked at what he saw.

His hair fell flat, stringy, above tired bloodshot eyes and a cut along the bridge of his nose. His face was pale, thin, stiff from the pain in his ribs; it barely looked like him at all. He looked exhausted. No wonder Turk had had such trouble sitting with him at first, when he looked this bad….

He turned away, shooing the thoughts away from his mind, and walked back to his bed without assistance. His image had shaken him; he could only hope that he'd looked worse three days ago.

JD lay in his bed, his eyes heavy with fatigue, and wished that someone would come in the room and talk to him. He didn't particularly have anything to say; he was just lonely, and he wanted desperately that he didn't fall asleep and have another dream. He was slightly disappointed when Elliot stopped by briefly around nine only to wave a cheery goodbye. Dr. Cox spoke with her for a moment outside the door, but did not enter the room.

After a while, JD wasn't unable to stop himself from dozing off, so he jolted awake when Carla entered the room.

"I didn't mean to scare you," she said apologetically, appearing ruffled. "I just thought I'd come visit you before my shift."

JD relaxed into the bed and nodded; he hadn't had a nightmare during his brief nap, and he was grateful that his friend woke him up before one could start.

"How did you sleep?" Carla asked conversationally. She dropped into the chair by the bed; JD got the feeling that she wasn't entirely comfortable.

But he replied, "Fine thanks," his voice slightly rough from sleep, and smiled at her, encouraging her to converse with him. "How has the hospital been without me?"

She laughed, relaxing slightly. "Your patients all miss you, of course, especially Mrs. Merrick. She told me she needs someone who knows how to flirt back, which is a little disturbing."

JD grinned. "Did she come on to you? She can be a little too friendly."

Carla nodded, feigning exasperation. "And a little handsy. But I kind of miss it now that her blood cultures came back. Since she found out about the cancer, she's been much quieter. I almost miss the random gropes."

JD stilled. He hadn't known that she'd been diagnosed with cancer; she only came in with mild chest pain. He suddenly felt as though he'd abandoned her. Carla didn't seem to notice the change in him and continued to speak about the goings on of the hospital.

"Mr. Hamilton died two days ago, of course everyone already saw it coming but his family was still in an uproar when we couldn't resuscitate him the last time. Miss Wilkins has been complaining about Dr. Cox, which isn't surprising at all; she's a little too sensitive for his attitude, they just don't mesh well." She went on to list the patients he'd been treating who were released as well as all those who'd been transferred or passed on. "But all of your patients miss you, and they all want to know when you'll be back." She smiled down on him in very motherly way.

"I'll probably be okay for work in a month or so," JD quietly told her before his brain could catch up and scream at him for forgetting that he would soon be working with Daniel. More conflicting feelings; JD greatly wanted to get back to his patients; he wanted to be there for Mrs. Merrick.

"I tell them all that you had an accident and you're resting up." She gave him a strange look, waiting for a reply. "Of course, most of them don't know about the issue with…Daniel."

JD looked at her hard. "What issue?" He failed to keep his voice light. His mind was panicking, knowing that Dr. Cox told everyone.

"The fight in the hallway?" she explained carefully. "The man was arrested, but the whole thing was never really explained. He was here to visit you, right? Why did Dr. Cox ban him from your room? Why did he try so badly to get in anyway?" Her voice rose as she gained confidence, and her questions acquired an air of authority. "And why has Dr. Cox been so adamant about protecting you and keeping you here even though you're healed enough to walk? I know that something is going on here, so you don't need to keep keeping it a secret from everyone."

"There's nothing going on," JD assured her; he was both relieved and anxious about what she was saying; she obviously didn't know anything, but she was determined to figure it out.

"Daniel – Mr. Jackson – said something strange yesterday." She was now standing, pacing the room, hands on her hips. "He said that Dr. Cox kept coming between you, had been coming between you for some time. Why would he say that if you'd only met him this week?" JD kept his mouth firmly closed and felt a headache coming on. " He's your friend, right? The one you've been spending time with instead of me or Turk or Elliot. The one you've been practically living with the past week." She sighed, finally stopping her pacing. "Who is he? What did he have to do with you being in here? That's all I want to know, Bambie."

JD shook his head. "H-he has nothing to do with it. He brought me here, helped me. He's my friend." That much was okay to admit, right? He would have to watch what he said, because Dr. Cox had certainly figured out a lot from very little.

Carla nodded and sat back down in the chair. "I'm just worried about you; we all are. I mean, there are these rumors going on because of what he said, and it hurts to hear them."

"What rumors?" God, he didn't want to hear them because what if they were true?

Carla sighed and shrugged. "Something about… you cheating on that man with Dr. Cox. Ridiculous things that no one would believe if they'd ever met you or Dr. Cox. But...you can see how they'd come to that conclusion."

She paused, waiting for some kind of reply. JD couldn't think of anything to say, didn't want to say anything for fear of giving himself away. He was so tired of blocking his speech like this.

"How has Elliot been?" he finally asked. "Night shifts must be tough on her."

Carla gave him an evil look. "She gets by. Now come on, I'm tired of playing nice. What's going on?"

He started to say something, then closed his mouth, deciding against it. He tried again, but gave up, shrugging.

"You can't keep secrets, Bambie," Carla informed him. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to find out." She rose to go. "In the meantime, I have never seen Turk happier than he has been this week. Which is kind of messed up considering his best friend is in the hospital, so…keep doing what you're doing."

That was an easy request; JD honestly loved spending time with Turk, and he gave an authentic grin when his friend finally arrived to visit him later in the afternoon. They joked and laughed and played with Rowdy. JD momentarily wished that he could invite Turk to hang out with him and Daniel, then realized quickly that that wouldn't work. At the thought of Daniel, brief flashes of his nightmare, of helplessness and pain, flashed before JD's eyes. Turk noticed and asked him what was wrong, but when JD couldn't quite laugh for real after that, he left a goody bag of McDonald's food under the bed ("To counteract the hospital food") and said goodbye. Before he left, he switched on the glowing disc and sang to it as he exited the room.

JD was visited by the Todd and a few of his fellow residents, most of whom appeared more curious than concerned; he assumed that they'd come to see if the rumors were true, but they didn't ask for any information about Daniel, and JD didn't offer any. Most of his day was spent trying to stay awake while being bored out of his mind. He managed it, though, and was still semi-conscious when Dr. Cox entered his room towards the end of his shift, presumably to check on his status.

"Someone's getting a lot of attention today," Dr. Cox grumbled quietly.

"I'm famous," was JD's reply, which started the older doctor; apparently he hadn't realized that JD was awake.

Gathering his composure, Dr. Cox shot back, "You're a novelty item, like a spoon from Hawaii or a female president; doctors aren't supposed to be patients. That's all."

JD swallowed thickly and debated with himself: Dr. Cox already knows everything, so it doesn't matter what I say. But he'll think I'm opening up, admitting he's right. I just need someone to talk to.

"Carla is determined to figure out what's going on," he finally said lightly, allowing his mentor to determine his meaning.

"Yeah?" Dr. Cox replied amiably, replacing the chart on the end of the bed. "She's pretty clever; I'm sure she'll be able to figure it out for herself."

JD felt his face go white; that wasn't the answer he was expecting. "I don't want her to find out," he clarified. "I don't want everyone to know…at least not until I'm gone."

"Do you have any idea how much that sounds like the statement of a dying man?"

JD scoffed. "I just…I don't know what to do about it. And Turk. He really has been happy this week. He doesn't look so…disappointed all of the time. I've got to figure out a way to keep him happy and get Carla off my back." He was talking mostly to himself, but it felt good to have someone listening.

"Uh, you could, I don't know, stay?" Dr. Cox suggested. He folded his arms across the chest, and continued slowly, "It's not like they're asking a lot of you, just honesty and the pleasure of your company, and if that's too hard for you to give – and I can imagine that being pleasurable comes in a rare blue moon for you – then maybe you could just stick with the honesty thing."

That just wasn't going to happen. JD wasn't about to let Carla know about the reality of his relationship, and he couldn't just blow them all off without a good excuse. He really didn't want to disappoint Turk again; it hurt to see that look in his eyes.

JD's thoughts began to wander and he forgot that Dr. Cox was in the room. His most recent nightmare came to mind, the janitor's closet and prying hands, and his eyes darkened with fear and despair. It was just something psychological, he told himself, that had nothing to do with the way Daniel actually acted. But when he recalled images of his best friend, all he saw were the angry stares, the punches, the demanding hands and lips, and so much hatred….

JD shook himself and looked up to see Dr. Cox still standing at the end of his bed, quietly watching him. How long had he been zoned out?

"I've been having these nightmares," JD began, and Dr. Cox nodded without saying a word. "They're about Daniel, always about him, coming into the hospital at night." He licked his lips and chose his words carefully. "He won't listen to me in the dreams, he just does whatever he wants. He doesn't care where we are or who is around us or if I'm hurt, he just—" takes what he wants. "I think I might be having some kind of breakdown or something, because they won't go away." He was ashamed to admit the last part. But maybe Dr. Cox could help.

"And maybe you should listen to yourself once in a while," Dr. Cox suggested, "because he's already done that. He came into this hospital yesterday determined to take what he wanted."

JD shook his head; he didn't want to hear that.

"Newbie, it sounds like you're subconscious is trying to tell you something, but you're not listening."

"Never mind," JD said quickly. "I'm fine, just go."

He left, to JD's surprise, without an argument.

JD was given fresh painkillers after that, and was quickly languishing in the painlessness void of sleep. His thoughts drifted, focusing in on the quick, quiet words that his conscious mind was so quick to condemn. Dreams were supposed to have meaning, then what did his dreams mean? Every time he thought of Daniel now he thought of the dreams; they were ruining his relationship, destroying the person that Daniel used to be. It wasn't fair.

But another nightmare arrived, and JD was suddenly in the confined space of an MRI machine and he could hear Daniel walking around his exposed lower half. JD felt his panic well up in his chest. Hands ran up his legs and thighs and he couldn't help but sob because he couldn't move or cry out or stop it; Daniel could do whatever he wanted to him as tears streamed down his face….

Suddenly there were hands at his neck, which didn't make sense because the machine blocked his upper body. He pried open his eyes to see Daniel's face only inches from his, a crazed look in his eye.

"Hey, come on, we've got to go," Daniel whispered excitedly. He was stroking JD's face, but JD still felt the panic in his chest and he was frozen in fear at being so close to the man who plagued his nightmares.

"JD," Daniel whispered again, obviously becoming impatient. "Come on, I'll help you up." He raised his hands to pull down the blanket, but JD's panic at the action was overcome by his shock when he realized that Daniel was holding a large kitchen knife.