Hi All

I don't tend to post notes at the beginning of my chapters, but thought as we find ourselves in such unprecedented and unpredictable times, I should take a moment to do so. Thanks to those who have wished me well, it is very sweet and greatly appreciated. I hope all of you are keeping safe, feeling well and are in contact with as many loved ones as possible. Chin-up! As we brits say.

Keep the Rainbow going x

Much love to all

Yas

Chapter 15:

Edward stood surveying the ballroom before him. Where the devil could she be? He was quite certain, after his disappointing attempts at accidently meeting her around town, that he would at least find comfort in her company this evening. He had frequented Rotten Row in Hyde Park; attended not only one but two social dinners, followed by so called theatrical delights. He had even found himself wandering up and down Regent Street in the hope of his spying her coming out of some shop front or another. Yet his little auburn-haired lady was nowhere to be seen. It did not surprise him however. He believed Anne and himself to be quite similar in their attitudes to social engagements. One or two was pleasant, but anything more became intolerable. Although known as an exceedingly good natured and charming fellow, Edward was quite content in his own company. Rarely did he seek the enticements of London society when serving his seat. Oh, he attended at least one dinner; a card game here and there at the club, and of course like this evening, made an appearance at Almacks. He could be the most charming company when the occasion called for it. Anything less and he would be subject to gossip, anything more and he would find it quite tedious. Regardless of social decorum, he had been much occupied the last few weeks; racing season was upon them. He had attended the 2000 Guineas Stakes at Newmarket but not eight days ago with his charming 3-year-old filly, Aella. Not only had the fine Arabian taken first place, but she was in superior form. They had just over three weeks until the Derby. There was no way Edward was about to take his eye off the prize. He wanted the Triple Crown, was desperate for it, and he finally believed he had a horse up to the challenge. However, he had not anticipated the endearing distraction that was Miss Anne de Bourgh. He had known Anne for a little over the last two years. They had become quite close during her stay with his close friend, and Anne's cousin, Angus. At first, he had thought little of the girl, there was nothing remarkable about her appearance to draw his attention. Over 10 years his junior and such a small, quiet, plain sort of lass. Nothing like the other women of his acquaintance. Perhaps that had been what sparked the attraction, she was nothing like other women. Anne possessed a quiet grace, a sweetness of temper; yet a mind so lively once engaged she could talk his ear off at great length on any number of subjects. The year following the death of the Earl, Angus had asked Edward if he would be willing to stay with the family in order to guide Angus in the day to day running affairs of the estate. Edwards own father had passed away several years earlier. Unlike Angus, Edward and his father had held an exceedingly close relationship, so when the time sadly came, Edward was not at such a loss to understand what was expected from him in the role of the new Viscount. It was during this initial stay, and the several extended visits which followed, that he and Anne's acquaintance had formed into something quite unique and special. Never had Edward held a woman in such high regard. At the time he had no notion of him perhaps falling in love, it had been coming on so gradually he wasn't aware his feelings towards the girl were so strong. He acknowledged at times he was flirtatious, he was after all a man, yet he knew Anne to be far too sensible to fall for his bravado. Yet in February when the time came for Anne to depart, the darkness which descended upon his person was visible for all to see. At first, he dismissed it, could a man and a woman not be just friends? He loved Angus like a brother, could he not simply think of Anne in a similar fashion? It was his own mother who so astutely pointed out that she believed her sons heart had finally been touched. He had laughed at such a notion.

"Mother you take me for a fool if you think I am some love sick young pup," he had cried trying to make light of the situation. "I assure you I am simply mourning the loss of a valued friend of our inner social circle."

"Edward do not be so blind that you cannot see what is right in front of you," his mother had replied in her usual serene manner. "Love is a gift none of us can afford to lose. Take advice from your mama or you shall sorely regret it."

He had left for London three weeks later, his spirit still sore and his head in much confusion. He had considered writing to Anne, but what did one say? He was still not entirely sure of his feelings. Was this odd sense of melancholy due to a pinning heart? How did one know if love was the answer? He knew Anne's heart had been burnt once, she had confided in him as much. At the time he had felt only pity for the poor lass; conned like so many young girls into giving away her affection to someone so undeserving. He was quite sure he was the cause of many a broken heart in his youth. But what if Anne was still harbouring affections for this undeserving cad? The notion filled him with displeasure. He cared for Anne, this much he was certain, but was that enough of a reason to consider offering for her hand? No, he would not mess with Anne's affections. He decided, he would leave it to fate. If a greater power believed his feelings towards Anne to be true, surely, they would cross paths again under some divine intervention? That evening at the theatre, not but three days ago, had been all the evidence Edward would ever need to be assured there was a Lord on High. At first, he believed his eyes to deceive him. She was but a figment of his imagination. How could such a happy moment arise when he least expected it. Upon seeing her amber eyes and demur smile as she conversed with Lady Bea, he decided in that very moment; if she would have him, there stood his bride. His foolish display on the promenade he now regretted, he should not have embarrassed them both by being so familiar. If he intended to win her heart, he would need to act in a more acceptable manner. They were not simply amongst friends and family now; the eyes of the whole ton were upon them.

Edward had now been in Almacks for almost an hour. He glanced again impatiently at his time piece. It had just turned eleven. If she was not here by now, she was unlikely to make an appearance. After successfully dodging several young ladies and their determined mothers, he decided to call it a night. He was in no mood for company this evening if his partner in conversation was not Anne. He was just about to head for the door when he heard his named called from behind his left shoulder. He visibly relaxed upon fixing his gaze upon the woman caller, as she moved swiftly through the crowd towards him.

"Lady Bea, looking radiant as ever, may I say, blue suits you beyond belief. You are not playing fair to all these unwed, young ladies."

"Lord Colville, I swear if I had not known you since a boy, I would have you punished for such talk. How are you my dear, I have been observing you from across the room. You seem agitated, whatever is the matter Edward?"

"She is not here," he said quickly glancing around the room in a final attempt at victory. "I was so certain she would be in attendance this evening."

"I gather you are referring to Miss de Bourgh? Well of course she isn't here, she is not on the approved admittance list. Mr Darcy her cousin, do you know the man? Well of course, he is a member though often not in attendance; and also, the future Earl of Matlock and his younger brother. The girl seems quite well connected."

"Then why isn't she also on the admittance list?" asked Edward earnestly. "She is better connected with much more pleasing manners than many ladies in attendance here this evening."

"From what I can tell, she has not made a request for vouchers to Almacks," Lady Beatrice replied. "When I saw you scanning the room, I assumed it was she you were looking for; so, I asked Mrs Drummond who confirmed she has never heard of her. It's common knowledge that the de Bourgh residence is under improvements. The talk is that it is indeed the daughter of the late Sir Lewis de Bourgh who has taken on such a commission. However even if it is her intention to take up residence after her stay with her relation, it would seem the girl has kept to herself. You and I both know the importance of showing face amongst the ton. I myself only made Miss de Bourgh's acquaintance upon her joining my invitation to her cousin Mr Darcy to form one of my party in my box. I had never seen the girl before in my life. I am rather surprised by her not being presented at court. By the way did you enjoy the play? I found the role of Oberon to be sorely lacking indeed."

"I am afraid I paid little attention," replied Edward, in no way interested in talk on such matters. "You mean to tell me she does not frequent amongst ton gatherings?"

"None to my knowledge. She seemed such a lovely, unassuming creature. Please forgive my forwardness, but am I to believe you are quite taken with the lady?"

Edward ran his fingers through his thick black hair. He may as well be honest with Bea. If he spoke it aloud, there was no coming back, it was now or never. "I am quite caught up in Miss de Bourgh, she is all consuming. I had not realised my intentions until we went our separate ways in the spring. Bea, as someone whom I respect and whose council I know to be better than my own; I ask what is your advice? What is to be done?"

The older lady smiled with genuine happiness. Having known Edward since boyhood, she had often hoped he would soon settle and take a wife. The lady in question she knew to be from good stock in terms of family name, and on first impressions had seemed quite a pleasant, good natured sort of girl. "I am afraid, Edward this is one area I cannot tell you what best to do. In such a serious matter as this, I should think your own feelings and sound mind should lead you in the direction of the right choice of action. My only advice would be to make haste, for I am certain your mother would like a few more grandchildren. I know myself and Malcolm would like nothing more than to see you happily settled at last.

"How is his Lordship? Edward asked, a stab of guilt hitting him at the realisation he had not enquired after his late father's dearest of friends.

"He struggles, but does not complain," replied Lady Beatrice, the life from her bright blue eyes extinguishing momentarily. "His physicians say there is little more they can do. Yet he is comfortable and cheerful and that is all we can hope for. I spend much of the day with him, reading, playing cards; he then retires early and I do as I always have." She gave Edward a small shrug of the shoulders. "You are welcome to call at any time you know, he would be so very happy to see you. You look so much like your father, it is uncanny, I almost feel as though I am young once more."

"I promise I shall call. I am sorry Bea, I should make more of an effort, I have no excuse."

"Nonsense," she scoffed, "you have your own responsibilities and activities. One cannot begrudge the young their amusements. I am happy to see you happy my boy. I hope only this lady is deserving of you."

"I only hope I am deserving of such a lady," Edward laughed. "I have an important favour to ask of you. Sadly, I am not aquatinted with Miss de Bourgh's cousin..."

"Of which cousin do you refer?" asked Lady Beatrice. "Of course, it is her cousin Mr Darcy to whom she is staying with at present. But you must know of Henry Fitzwilliam the future Earl of Matlock?"

"Oh, yes I know of the drunkard future earl and his fine brother too. I think half the Fitzwilliam stable comes from my breeding stock, they have a few fine descendants of Byerley Turk, I wouldn't mind paying them for a horse from that particular bloodline. I had no idea Anne was related to that family."

"Her mother," shuddered Lady Beatrice, recalling the stuck-up debutant, for they had been both presented at court the same spring of 85; "is the Earl of Matlock's younger sister. I am surprised you do not know this; did you not say you were well aquatinted with Anne's family?"

"I am aquatinted with Anne's family on her paternal side. The Dowager of Elgin was Sir Lewis de Bourgh's younger sister, however she does not talk much of her own family. I am afraid it is Mr Darcy I am not acquainted with, we do not seem to cross paths in the circles we keep. I must ask for your help Bea, if you could perhaps persuade Anne into attending Almacks."

"Edward you know it is not that simple, persuading the patronesses to allow membership is no mean feat. She has breeding yes, and pleasing manners but she must also possess 'ton' to compete with those already awaiting admission. It is every young girls aim and mothers desire to attend such a marriage mart as Almacks.

"Bea," said Edward entirely on the charm offense, "could not a Lady as important as yourself, a model of all that is excellent; could you not ruffle a few feathers for me? Entice the patronesses into paying some attention towards Miss de Bourgh. Once she is accepted amongst the ton, it would be so much easier for me to court her in company. I need some time in order to work out what I should do."

"You mean you are unsure of your own affections?" asked Lady Beatrice, her face dropping as the vision of her seeing Edward so happily settled faded.

Edward laughed. "No, quite the opposite, for once in my life I feel quite certain. I intend to ask Miss de Bourgh to be my wife. My only concern at present is if she will have me."

Anne sat at her writing desk; the paper still blank before her. She had attempted to write a letter to her mother several times since her arrival in London following their disagreement, but found it impossible to begin. Part of her felt wracked with guilt for the way in which she had spoken to her mother, the things she had said. But what of what was said did she not deserve, cried the small voice on Anne's shoulder – you said nothing that was not true and just. It was this realisation which agitated Anne so. How could she apologise for her actions when deep down she was not sure if she was sorry? Anne disliked confrontation, but surely her reaction was justified. She was sick of pandering to her mother's ideas and disapproval. Her time away in Scotland had been pure freedom. Knowing her mother had some part in Richards withdrawal of affection, had been the final tipping point. Was it true? Anne knew Richard needed to marry well in order to have a comfortable future, being the second son was a misfortune indeed; but had he only played the role of lover with Anne's fortune in mind? Her mother's words taunted her;

"Richard is the second son of an Earl; he only wishes to marry for money. He told me as much and I simply said I could not allow him to use your sweet nature and regard for him for his own gain. You were not yet of age, Anne, I had your best interests at heart. He held no true regard for you...please do not use the protective love a mother feels towards her child against her."

If it was true, perhaps her mother had only been acting with Anne's best interests at heart. Although her mother was not one for outward displays of affection, what if this was her way of expressing her maternal nature for her daughter? What if protection was all her mother could offer? Anne was thus engaged, battling with her own thoughts, when a light knock came from the door, followed by the appearance of Georgiana.

"I hope I am not disturbing you, cousin, but Fitzwilliam has just informed me we are to attend a viewing at the Royal Academy this afternoon with the Bingley's. I thought you may need some time to prepare."

Anne stood, rolling back her shoulders. "Yes, he mentioned it to me this morning. You should bring your little sketchbook with you; it will offer a delightful opportunity to engage the mind."

"Oh, but I am afraid I am not very good," said Georgiana, taking a seat on the small, red velvet settee.

"Your sketches are quite lovely Georgiana, do not let anyone make you doubt your skills. Perfection is not a real concept. If we always strive for perfection, we shall soon realise it is unattainable and all that we shall find is disappointment." Anne took the seat next to Georgiana before continuing, "If you enjoy the task, do not hesitate to engage in it at every opportunity."

"I do like to draw," the girl replied, "but it is easy for you to speak so. You draw beautifully. You are a master with water colours. You have nothing to fear, for you could never disappoint."

Anne laughed. "Oh Georgie, if you had but seen my sketches in the beginning, they were awful. It has taken time and patience, and just as you with your music, only practise can exercise improvement. Mother did not encourage me to draw or play. I have come to such pleasures quite late on. You have natural talent and I intend to encourage you to peruse all things, even if you feel undeserving of such praise and attention."

"You are too good to me Anne; you and Fitzwilliam are both far too good to me."

"Oh, hush," Anne smiled. "You and I, I would very much like to be as close as sisters. I shall always be your champion."

"If we are to be as sisters," Georgiana replied looking at Anne with an expression Anne could not quite understand. "May I ask you something?" Anne still perplexed by the anxious look on Georgiana's face nodded. "It is not something I can discuss with my brother, on the contrary I have had no one to talk to on the matter. Anne have you ever been in love?"

Anne looked at Georgiana surprised by the suddenness of such a question. Was the look across her fair face the same solemn expression Anne had worn from a broken heart? She was unaware of any attachment or gentleman acquaintance; Georgie was so young and rarely out of Darcy's sight.

Anne sat a moment, trying to consider her words before she spoke, how much should she relieve to someone so young? "Yes, I have been in love," Anne replied slowly, "perhaps I still am to some degree, it is difficult to say. It is a subject I am no expert in and sadly have no happy anecdote to share from my experience."

"But what happened? asked Georgiana in earnest, "why are you not with the one you loved now?"

"Oh, Georgie it does not always work the way in which we intend. I believe I thought there more to the attachment than was true. It was my own heart that felt love, I still do not know what was real and what was not."

Georgiana sat a moment, worrying her hands in her lap. How she wished to confide in her cousin, to tell her of last summer and the events of Ramsgate; but how could she? She had all but promised her brother and Colonel Fitzwilliam that she would never again mention the gentleman's name. She herself was not even sure she wished to say his name aloud. Yet her head and heart was still a confused array of feelings.

"Georgie," Anne said gently, taking one of her cousin's hands in her own. "Do not fret, if you do not want to talk of the particulars, I shall not press you. The only advice I can offer is if you have found love or disappointment, do not let your emotions get the best of you."

"I can assure you the experience only ended in bitter disappointment, for all those involved. I do not know my own feelings. I feel, perhaps, that is my fate."

"Young girls do not get over our first love, we simply choose to move on," Anne replied, thinking of her own heart. "Some people touch your heart in a way you can never truly forget. All we can do is try and move on. You are so young, my sweet girl. You will have more than ample time to fall in love. Again, and again if you so desire. Suddenly, to Anne's shock, she found herself wrapped beneath her cousin, who had thrown her arms tightly around Anne's neck. She hugged the young girl, stroking her golden curls, "What is all this," she soothed. "I am not worthy of such affection."

"Yes, you are," said Georgian, kissing Anne's cheek as she retreated from their embrace. "Sometimes I am sad that you and I shall never truly be called sisters, however in my heart we shall always be so. I had better go and change my slippers. I shall find my sketchbook also." With that Georgiana rose and left the room to prepare for their outing.

Anne sat, looking at the door through which her cousin had departed for several minutes. How peculiar their discussion had been, though she was pleased Georgiana felt close enough to discuss such things. If only Anne had been so lucky in her younger years, to have a confidant to share her feelings. Perhaps if she had, she would now be in a position to know her own heart. She stood and called for her maid. They decided on an emerald green day dress with gathered sleeves and gold fringing down the front for her afternoon trip to the Royal Academy. She left her hair as it was, in a soft chignon with several loose curls framing her face. Picking up her sketchbook and leather stationary roll, she left her room and headed downstairs to the foyer. Her unwritten letter to her mother, left forgotten once more.