A/N: There may not be 26 chapters, I've been combining things and moving things around. We'll see.

Thanks for the reviews, a million oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies for everyone!

Fun Fact: Loth has -64.97 in her bank account.

Raising a Hand

by LQ Aredhel

Chapter 22

JD eventually slept off his hangover and woke again later that evening. The apartment was still empty, and after a while of piercing boredom, JD wandered to the corner gas station and purchased a six-pack of beer. He downed most of it while watching television.

Sometime during Sex and the City, JD convinced himself that the best way to get out of the mess he was in was to tell everyone everything. It made sense at three a.m. when he was drunkenly slumped across the couch; he couldn't really find a flaw in the plan. If he admitted to everything, then Carla would realize that she was wrong about him and Dr. Cox. She might even apologize. And Elliot wouldn't feel so horrible, so heartbroken, if she knew that JD would have reciprocated her feelings if he could have. Turk would understand, too. He would never abandon JD. Plus, this way JD wouldn't have to keep bothering Dr. Cox when he wanted to talk about something. Everyone wins, right?

So he promised himself that the next time he saw his friends, he would get it over with and tell them about everything that had been going on for the past several months. God, it felt like years.

He was woken the next afternoon from his position passed out on the couch by Carla and Turk coming home from work. It was rare that they got off at the same time, and from what JD could hear over his pounding hangover, they sounded excited about it.

JD sat up and looked over the back of the couch, his eyes half closed in pain, and watched Carla rush into the bathroom and Turk rummage around in the bedroom. He recalled needing to tell them, though he didn't remember exactly why, so he called out to Turk. Yeah, he was supposed to tell them about what happened with Daniel. Everything that happened with them. Oh crap.

Turk, shirtless, poked his head out from his bedroom and raised a brow at JD.

"You alright, man?"

JD nodded, wincing at the pain it caused. "I need to talk to you guys."

"Did you sleep on the couch last night?" Turk asked, thoroughly confused as he pulled a jersey over his head. "What's with all the empty beer cans, have a party without us?"

JD nodded carefully. "Big party. Turk, I need to--"

"JD left his phone in the bathroom closet." Carla marched out of the bathroom. "Oh, hey JD." She handed him the phone that he'd completely forgotten about until that moment, and rushed over to Turk. They started talking excitedly about something, but JD stopped listening when he opened his phone to see eight more missed calls. One was from the police station. Seven were from Daniel's cell phone.

He stared at the name, even checked the number to see if it was another Daniel. It wasn't.

"Oh my God," Carla suddenly squealed from behind the couch. JD jerked his eyes away from the screen to see her and Turk grinning at each other. "Oh my God," she squeezed out again.

"I told you, baby!" Turk exclaimed. Then they were hugging and Carla was still oh-my-godding and JD barely registered it when Turk briefly turned to him to say, "I'm gonna be a daddy!" It all seemed very far away.

JD flickered his attention back to the screen. There were now ten new messages waiting for him. He glanced back at Carla and Turk basking, glowing in their happiness, before rising unsteadily from the couch and stumbling into his room, closing the door behind him.

His hand shook beneath the phone, so used his other hand to steady it. There was no longer an option of whether or not to listen to the messages. This was real again; he could see Daniel in his apartment now, only minutes away and fully able to come and go, to find JD any time he wanted.

No, he's in prison, JD reminded himself. Now both of his hands were shaking.

He called his mailbox and listened as a mechanized voice announced the date and time of the first call. It was weeks ago...from right after the hallway fight, JD recalled. When he watched, half-dazed from a punch as Daniel was dragged off by security guards. Then Daniel's voice was whispering into his ear as though he were in the room with him.

Beep.

"Johnny...JD. I promise, do you understand? I promise I'll get you out of there away from that asshole. I'm not going to leave you alone with those people. I'll save you. Listen. I found a way out, no problem. I'll come back for you and I'll save you. I promise."

JD wiped his hand across his face, breathing deeply.

Beep.

"It's me. Johnny. I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. Sometimes I just get...so angry. I can't help it, I can't help what I do. Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to see him looking at you like that? Like he owns you. You're not his, you're mine! Ugh...I'm sorry. I lost my temper. It wasn't that bad, anyway. Just a scratch."

He could still feel it burning in his side.

Beep.

"It's me, my arraignment is next week. But it'll all be fine, I've got a great lawyer, the judge is a friend of a friend, so I should be out on bail by the weekend. I've got to go, I'll see you soon!"

JD sat on the bed hard.

Beep.

"Johnny, hey. I can't wait to see you again. I'm at my apartment now...just call me when you get this."

Beep.

"It's been over an hour. I don't know what you're doing...just call me."

Beep.

"Johnny, it's me again. What's going on? Why haven't you called me yet? If you're with him right now, so help me God...UGH."

Beep.

"You're not that hard to find, so don't think that I can't just come and get you. Goddammit, Johnny, you can't hide forever!!"

Beep.

"I love you, okay? Can't you see that I love you? I'm better than him, I know you, I care about you, I understand you, I'm always there for you. You can talk to me about anything, anything in the world and I'll understand. You know you can't let that go. I won't let you ruin this relationship."

Beep.

"Fuck you, Johnny! You don't know what you're doing! You're just a screw up barely worth a good fuck and I don't need you! God, you don't know what I've given up for you! Just to make you happy, just to protect you! Why won't you talk to me?"

Beep.

"I don't know if you're back at work or...if you quite like we planned. Just...I'll see you soon. If you're at your place, just stay there. I'll see you soon."

The last one had been left only fifty minutes ago. On the whole, the seven messages from Daniel's cell had been left during the last ten hours.

JD's entire body was shaking like crazy by the time he finished the messages. Daniel's voice had been all over the place, sometimes screaming with rage and sometimes whispering or cooing at him with all the attentiveness that he used to show when JD was troubled. And JD didn't want to cry again, was tired of crying, but he felt that goddamn pull in his stomach telling him that Daniel was the only thing that could make him feel complete again, and all of the logical arguments that he could muster up were saying the complete opposite, and the combination made him want to slit his wrists and feel it all fade away.

What did he mean, what did he mean? JD chanted in his head. Where is he now, is he coming here? Will he be here soon? What will I do? Are Carla and Turk still here? He couldn't concentrate on the outside world long enough to listen for their voices outside his door.

What do I do? What am I supposed to do? Find him, go to him? Call the police? Call Dr. Cox? Hide? All he wanted to do was hide, hiding under his bed felt like the only real solution at the moment.

He was breathing too hard again. He only knew because his lungs were burning, but he couldn't feel himself breathing at all, couldn't even lower the phone from his ear. He could see the door in front of him. He waited for it to open and for Daniel to appear with the gun...he didn't know how long he waited, only that eventually the white noise rushing through his brain faded away and he could hear himself gasping as though in pain and he finally lowered the phone and tried to concentrated on slowing his breathing.

He told himself that it was okay, that it would all be fine, because that's what everyone says when bad things happen. He could hear the television on in the living room and hoped to God that the sounds had covered his panic attack. Carla and Turk were still talking excitedly about...right, about the baby. Carla was pregnant. It was huge for them.

JD forced himself to stand, his breath hitching only slightly now. He tried to make himself go out into the living room, but he couldn't even make his hand to lift to the doorknob. Instead, his body moved on its own, backing into the far corner and sliding down the wall. He still watched the door.

There was a knock at the door.

At first JD thought it was at his bedroom door and his entire body froze. Then there were several more rapid knocks and he could hear Carla open the door to the apartment and greet whoever was on the other side with surprise. JD shrunk further into the corner, relaxing only slightly; if it had been Daniel, she would have been alarmed, angry, something.

Unless she wanted Daniel to come take him away.

Shut up! He screamed at himself, closing his eyes tightly when he realized he was yelling at his own thoughts. It couldn't have been Daniel. There was just no way.

The door to his bedroom swung open and JD flinched away, covering his face with his hands.

"Newbie?"

His head jerked back and he let out a sobbing laugh when he saw Dr. Cox standing in the doorway looking around confusedly. Dr. Cox looked at him in shock when he heard the laugh.

"What are you doing down there?"

JD just shook his head. It surprised him that he was so happy to see the older man, but he probably would have been thrilled with anyone other than Daniel standing there.

JD couldn't remember Dr. Cox moving across the room, but he was suddenly in front of him, staring at him strangely. He looked pale and worn, almost as bad as JD felt.

"Did something happen?" Dr. Cox asked, seeming almost afraid. JD just took a deep trembling breath and shook his head. "Come on. Get up." Dr. Cox held out a hand and JD took it as he uncurled his tensed body, wondering how insane he must have looked for the other man not to have even made a snide comment about him hiding in the corner.

"Why were you on the floor?" Carla's voice suddenly spoke up. JD looked around his mentor to see her and Turk watching from the doorway. He felt his face flush, quickly letting go of Dr. Cox's steadying hand.

"I'm fine," he said finally, his voice shaking. "Must have fallen...tripped over something..." He brushed his hand across his pants as though wiping the dust away and looked at Dr. Cox in askance. Now that he was here, JD didn't feel as afraid. But why was he here?

"Come on," Dr. Cox told him quietly as though ignoring the other two people in the room. "Let's go get some coffee." He looked JD up and down. "And lunch, you look like a fucking ballerina."

JD nodded and followed him out of the room. As they passed through the doorway, JD saw Carla give Turk a significant look, but he didn't see how Turk reacted to it. His heart sank.

Dr. Cox dragged him to a coffee shop across town and order him a sandwich. They sat in silence for a while, JD – his brain practically shut down from exhaustion – basking in the fact that he felt safe. He didn't know what would happen when he went back home, but at least now he could tell Dr. Cox about the messages.

Dr. Cox, on the other hand, looked anxious, angry, upset...he glared around the room, his eyes seemingly avoiding JD altogether. He didn't speak until JD had finished half of his sandwich and pushed the rest away.

"Eat it all, you obviously haven't returned to a regular diet."

JD looked at him closely, noticing that he had recently lost some weight as well. Too tired to argue, he took a few more bites before giving up, fearing he would vomit.

Dr. Cox still didn't speak.

"I had some messages on my phone today," JD began, surprised at how shaky his voice still was. "They were from Daniel. His cell phone."

"He's out on bail," Dr. Cox interrupted quietly. "He was released yesterday, but I only heard about it this afternoon." He slammed his fist into the table, causing the customers around them to look their way. "There's no reason why that bastard should be out! None! He was up for attempted murder, he's got no family, no connections to the area! There's no reason why he wouldn't run as soon as he got out!"

One reason. JD didn't say anything.

"I didn't know if he would...," Dr. Cox gestured lamely toward JD, and JD realized that Dr. Cox had come to protect him from Daniel. "You know...try again. Try to finish it." He was avoiding eye contact; he was embarrassed.

JD lowered his eyes. "In the messages...he said he would come get me." Dr. Cox looked at him sharply.

Now that he was calmed down, JD's hangover had returned full force. He rubbed his forehead and took several more deep breaths. Dr. Cox was still watching him.

"I didn't know what to do," JD continued. "I didn't know if I should call you or call the police or just...hide. Or go to him." He was surprised that he admitted the last part out loud. But he knew Dr. Cox would understand what he meant.

He still just watched as JD drank the rest of his coffee, hoping the caffeine would take care of some of his headache JD finally looked up to see him staring out into space.

"You can stay at my place," Dr. Cox suddenly decided out loud. JD just looked at him. "I don't care about the goddamn rumors, Newbie, we both know it's all a load of crap. You can stay with me until the trial in a couple of weeks. I'll take a few days off; Bob owes me. You start again at the hospital next week, there's no way he's going to take you from there again. Everyone knows him."

JD nodded enthusiastically, then frowned. "You're sure? I mean, the rumors are just going to get worse when Carla finds out, and Turk..." Turk might start to believe them.

"Don't worry about the wife and kids, Shirley, just worry about yourself for now. This is the guy that tried to off you, remember? And he nearly did; you lost enough blood to run a toddler. He beat you, raped you, put you in the hospital for weeks—"

"I get it, okay?!" JD was sure that people were staring again. He hid his face in his hands. "God, don't think I don't remember, I just...don't want your life screwed up by this whole thing, too."

Dr. Cox scoffed. "Do you think I get any more sleep at night than you?" he asked darkly. JD blanched. "Never mind, look, just, just don't worry about it, okay? It'll only be for a while and then things will go back to normal."

JD nodded as though they'd come to an agreement, even though he could feel Dr. Cox's final words hanging in the air; they both knew that things would never go back to 'normal'.

Dr. Cox boxed the remainder of JD's sandwich and they drove back to JD's apartment. Carla and Turk rose quickly from the couch when JD entered, but they didn't say anything.

JD swallowed thickly. "I'm going to stay at Dr. Cox's place for a while," he told them. He felt like a teenager running off to avoid a bully after school. Carla and Turk just watched him pack some clothes and leave.

They made it back to Dr. Cox's apartment by around dinnertime. JD relished in the hope and safety that he was feeling just by being around his mentor. It was almost like the way he used to feel...

Dr. Cox opened the door and a large black object knocked into his head, felling him to the floor. JD stared, shocked, then looked up to see Daniel panting and glaring at him from just inside the apartment.