Deidara took a bit out of his dango.

Munch

Gulp

Munch

Gulp

He moaned in pleasure at the taste, ignoring the gaping shinobi below him. After a few minutes of eating, he finally placed his ey on the. "...What?" making the genin and the bridge builder face fault in shock, the attacking ninjas blink even more, and for the watching hunter nin to almost fall of his branch. "Cant a shinobi enjoy his dango and watching the fight in peace? Go on!" giving a shooing hand motion. "Carry on...oh wait that a song!" then started giggling madly.

Kakashi only blinked and he attacked Zabuza while he was distracted, making him leap from his current position ad defend himself. Boom boom, oh no! he's stuck! fox boy and emo duck to the rescue! "I can see your future, death!" blah blah blah.

When the hunter nin took the body away, Deidara stretch and said, "Well that was fun! See ya later kids!" then leaped away before anyone could stop him.

Deidara looked at the fox boy, emo duck, and useless as they tried to fight Orochimaru from a bird above the forest of death and snorted. This was highly pathetic, sure not many people could defeat the Sannin but still! The only person he could actually applaud was fox boy, (he knew his name was Naruto, he was just too lazy to care).

He took pity on them and dropped and C-2 bomb in the shape of a snake for the heck of it did the hand sign, and "Katsu!"

BOOOM!

When the smoke cleared, Deidara saw Orochimaru with scorch marks all over him and the genin all knocked out a couple of feet away. Deidara saw the Anbu going towards them at high speeds and as soon as he got there.

He vanished.

"Your security sucks un."

All the jonin turned to see Deidara sitting on the window still of the Hokage office eating dango. He tossed the now-empty stick and continued, "Sure the seals at the front gate are good and working."Now eating a stick of pocky, "But have you ever thought that shinobi can fly over un?"

ANBU acted and tried to catch them but hr just explode and appeared next to Kakashi throwing a gloved hand on his shoulder making him tense up. "Hey I remember you!" he exclaimed with a grin on his face. "You're the one that tried to tell his fucking students to abandon him on a mission that they could clearly handle!"

Hokage raised his hand stopping the ANBU and said, "Deidara of Iwa I'm I correct?"

"Awwwwww! You know of me!" he gushed jumping up and down with happiness and wait, were those sparkles and flowers surrounding him? "I feel honored" then he walked closer to the window. "I would love to stay for tea but I gotta go! Oh by the way Hokage-dono? the snake is sliding in the sand!" then he fell backward out the window and before the ANBU could get him...

He was gone

"What are you doing?"

Deidara looked up from his ramen bowl with a confused look. "...what un?"

Kakashi shook his head and watched as the S rank missing nin swallowed the noodles and drank the soup. "Mmmmm, ramen is amazing un!" he sighed contently patting his belly. Then he put money on the table and putting on his high collared trench coat, he waved at the owners. "Thanks again un!"

Kakashi put a kunai on his neck and said, Where do you think you're going huh?" Deodara smirked and did the hand sign. "Katsu" making him explode in white smoke making Kakashi curse in frustration.

It has been a few weeks since the missing-nin had infiltrated the village and everyone was getting pissed at not finding him or capturing him. Whenever they did, it turned out it was a clone.

'Are they all clones?' Kakashi thought angrily as he went back to searching.

Deidara used to be a girl.

Maybe that why he was a proud crossdresser.

As he proudly wore the black female kimono with red flowers on it. (Deidara snorted silently at the irony of it) and sat in the stand watching fox boy fight process prick. He looked at all the genin and instantly gave them nicknames

There was pineapple jr

Blond annoyance

Wanna be Shinsou

Temari (because she was actually a good shinobi)

Wolf-boy

Bunny child

Buggy

And he was too lazy to name the others.

Deidara cracked his neck and stood up after watching the fights when the flowers began to fall. He grinned and laughed when he casually walked through the now fighting Sand, Oto, and Leaf nins and smelled the flowers that he had found on the ground, It was such a wonderful day, Why waste it? He turned to see an Oto nin and his friends charge at him. He smiled and put his hand in his clay pockets, letting his palms eat the clay. (Deidara could taste them so he enjoyed the taste of dango) and produced a scorpion (In honor of Sasori no Danna who even though he's never met, respected a fellow artist) then made it larger. "Katsu!" and there go their heads.

Deidara produced a bird and made it big enough for him o climb on then lifted up in the sky, dropping C-4 bombs on Oto and Sands nin, the with a little "Katsu!" they died

Simple as that.

Deidara sighed sadly as he watched the ninjas escape. "Everything is getting dull now un! How annoying"

Deidara glared at the girl in front of him. "Go away un"

Bunny child eeped and filtered in shame. Then with a surge of bravery, she bowed down to him and said in a surprisingly loud voice. "Please train me!"

It was silent for a few seconds until, "...What un?"

Bunny child poked her fingers together and said "Please train me Deidara-sama. I-I kn-know t-th-that I m-mi0might s-s-seem"

"Ok stop un" he interrupted her holding his hand up. He sighed and said, "You know! I would have said no instantly but I'm bored, So sit down gaki un!" then proceed to tell her about explosions and seals.

Her father looked up in shock at the boom he had heard from her room and rushed, along with Hinabi, Neji, and Ko to her roo to reveal the food blasted away and a giggling Hinata as she stood over explosive notes with glee.

"Nee sama?"

Hinata looked at her sister and grinned again. "Sorry for the noise otou sama, Neji nii sama, Hianabi chan. I just was working on this seal and well you know!" Then started giggling in happiness again.

Deidara sneezed starling the people around him. 'Damm' he thought. 'It's been a couple of weeks of training Bunny child and I already see a future bomber and artist coming' Then he sniffed in faux happiness. 'I'm so proud!'

in a cave, a red-haired shivered in fear for the first time in his life and whispered. 'No...nonnononononNO!"

"Sasori senpai?" a man with a lollipop mask asked hesitantly as the others look on in confusion. Sasori stared at them with horror on his face. "We are all doomed" he whispered hoarsely"

Deidara and Hinata sneezed. "Someone talking about me/un?

Deidara cackled as he saw Green man Sr kick Shark boy and fell on his back. He snorted and giggled madly while the others just stared while Hinata, (He started calling her name because she was special like that) giggled at her teacher's antics.

Itachi looked at him and said in a calm voice. "Deidara"

"Hi, honey un!" leaping up to his feet and skipping to him, he gave him a hug and kissed him full on the mouth, and instead of killing him like the others thought he would, he leaned into it and wrapped his arm around him tightly. After a few minutes of tongue wrestling, they let go and Deidara grinned "What are you doing here un?"

"what are you?"

"I got bored traveling, and I gained a student! Hinata honey come over here un!"

"Hai! Deidara-sensei!"

Hinata skipped over to them and gave a bow to Itachi. "It is once to meet you Itachi sama"

"Same to you"

"Ok Hinata Honey, remember all I thought you un?"

"Hai sensei!"

"Atta girl un!"

Deidara cackled from his seat on his bird-watching how Jirayia produces a terrible summon. "Hhahahahahahahahah, ow my chest" he wheezed ignoring the glares he got. "Oi! Orochi teme! Do you mind like leaving un?" he shrugged. "Or any of you leave? You are causing a ruckus and I want to go back and have 'I miss you sex' with my boyfriend in peace un?"

It was silent for a whole minute as snakey, big-breasted, and pervert all stared up at him. Kabuto was there but he was scum and he didn't think about scum., Oh and here comes fox boy.

Deidara sighed. "You know what un? I'm leaving. I miss the sex already." and he was off.

Hinata looked at useless (Deidara sensei had told her the rookie nine nicknames and had decided to call them that in her head) "Yes Sakura?"

Sakura shifted around and asked, "Umm Ami said that you and Sasuke kun were dating. Is this true?"

"Hinata blinked then noped out of there. She could distantly hear Sakura call out to her and chase her, but she ignored it upon finding her foxy boy.

When she saw Naruto, he looked up from eating ramen and patted the seat beside him. "Sakura again?"

"Yeah" then she drowned herself in the bowl of noodles that the old man had given her. She really missed Deidara sensei now.

Uhhhhhhhh hi

this is meant for the shit and giggles ok? No point in this

Because Christmas is almost coming and in these dark times we all need so laughs from shits and cracks.

Read and Review.