They were silent. Alex glanced over at Jefferson as they both stepped over a fallen tree; his exhausted muscles burning at the small effort of lifting himself over the truck. Neither of them had said a single word since they set off to find James together. They each were carrying a backpack on their backs, and Alex was thankful that he didn't have to carry both of them by himself anymore.

The only way Alex could describe Jefferson would be with the word 'tense'. He flinched at every small sound; squirrels in the trees and sticks snapping under their own feet. His eyes darted around, searching, longing, and Alex knew who he was looking for. He just hoped that the southerner would find what he needed.

Of course, Alex needed James, too. He was the glue that held their little group together. Alex couldn't imagine him and Jefferson getting along long enough to survive an apocalypse. And, more to the point, James was just better at this than either of them. If anyone had a chance at surviving all of this bullshit, it would be James.

Sometimes, Alex wishes he was bit back in New York. Then he wouldn't have to go through this. Realistically, he knows that he doesn't really have to keep going. He could just stop at any moment. There are plenty of ways to push Game Over.

So why does he keep going? Why does he force his body to it's breaking point? Why does he choose to have nightmares every night? Why did he decide to climb on the rooftops, starting this horrible adventure? Why does he do the things he does?

Jefferson grabs his arm, and they both freeze. Alex glances up at the taller man; he's staring into the trees, somewhere to their left. Alex's gaze follows his own as he prepares for a fight. But there's no reason to grab the pitchforks, because instead of a bloodthirsty zombie, standing in the middle of some bushes, is a large buck.

It's antlers stretch farther than Alex thought they would. He'd never seen a deer before, and they're surprisingly big. The deer stares at them, and they stare at the deer. Alex blinks as the animal's dark, inky eyes inquire a simple question - are you infected?

Alex can see the intelligence in this animal's eyes. It knows what has happened to the earth. It can see that a new predator stumbles through these trees. Alex shakes his head slowly, and the deer's ear flicks.

Jefferson lets out a small sigh, and Alex almost jumps in surprise. He forgot the other man was there. Jefferson said, quietly, so as to not spook the animal, "I feel like shit."

"Why?" Alex asked in the same soft tone.

Jefferson glanced down at him, his expression a bit guilty, "I want to hunt him."

"Is that unusual for you?" Alex isn't watching the deer anymore, although Jefferson turned his gaze back to the animal. The buck hesitantly munches on some leaves, unsure if the humans before it are going to leave or not.

Jefferson nodded once, "I don't like hunting. Not for sport, anyway. Everyone in my family does it, and I go on hunting trips with them sometimes, but I don't actually like the whole … you know. Shooting wild animals thing."

Alex considered this before he replied, "It wouldn't be for sport, though. Not anymore. Now it's for food."

Jefferson was quiet for a long moment, watching the buck. Finally, he shook his head, "Not this one. Not this time."

Alex glanced between him and the deer, curious. Jefferson nodded to the buck before continuing walking. Alex offered the deer a small wave and then followed behind Jefferson. The man said from over his shoulder to Alex, "Besides, we don't have a gun."

The conversation was dropped after that, and they travelled along in silence once more. Alex was just a little excited that he had seen a real, live deer. That never would've happened in New York.

The next few hours are spent in silence once more. They keep their eyes and ears open while they silently stalk through the trees, being careful to not make too much noise. It didn't seem like there were any zombies around, but that's the thing about zombies - they're invisible, silent and stalking, you don't know they're there until you've already been bit.

So they don't take any chances. They're careful and focused.

"Oh my God, just piss off already." The voice breaks through the silence, startling Alexander. Alex and Jefferson glanced at each other before quietly stalking through the bushes to find the source of the sound. As they got closer, they could hear sick snarling along with an annoyed, "No one wants you here. Get lost!"

Alex pressed up against a tree and peered around the edge. He let out a small gasp at what he saw. Sitting high in the branches of an old oak was James. He had his legs pulled up next to his chest and he was holding onto some branches around him as he sat out of reach of a zombie. The creature was prowling around the tree's trunk, reaching up to try and grab James, but it obviously couldn't reach. It only had one arm, and it's left ankle was twisted. It never would reach James, thankfully.

It would almost be funny, if it weren't a terrifying situation. James, however, didn't seem scared. He just sat there, staring down at the zombie, muttering curses at it.

"James!" Jefferson gasped softly. Alex turned to speak to him, only to find the other man pressed up against him, thoroughly invading his space. Alex huffed a little, but between the tree and the southerner, he had no real escape.

"He looks okay." Alex assured quietly. "We just have to get rid of Bitey-Boo over there and we're golden."

Jefferson didn't even blink. He was staring at James, not responding to Alex at all. Alex waved his hand in front of Jefferson's face, snapping a few times, until the man jerked back in surprise and looked down at him. Alex raised an eyebrow expectantly. Jefferson set down his backpack as quietly as he could and said, "We have to get rid of that zombie."

"Wow. Wish I thought of that." Alex muttered dryly.

Jefferson pulled out a knife from his pocket and nods to a large branch on the ground, "Ready for round two?"

"Oh, yeah." Alex grinned as he picked up the branch. It was big and heavy, Alex was already prepared to swing it like a baseball bat.

Jefferson just barely held back a smirk as he said, "Just make sure you hit the zombie this time."

Alex rolled his eyes. Jefferson started to move, but Alex stopped him. He had caught James' attention, and now Alex knew that he knew that they were there. Alex leaned his branch against the wall and signed clearly to James, 'You okay?'

James nodded and replied with, 'What're you going to do?'

'Fight it.'

'Don't!'

'Too late. Keep distracting it!'

Jefferson watched, enthralled as he and James signed back and forth. "You know sign language?"

"Yes, clearly. Shh." Alex whispered as James signed something back to him.

'There's only one. Another ran that way, but it's long gone. It heard something and thought it would have a better chance with that than me.'

'Lucky you. Ready?'

James sighed, but nodded, signing a last, 'Be careful!'

"When did James learn sign? Why do you know sign?" Jefferson asked, still baffled, "I know seven languages, but I don't know sign!"

"Shut up and fight. We're up." Alex said, ignoring the other man completely.

The two crept forward while holding their weapons at the ready. Alex was on the zombie's right, Jefferson on it's left. They moved carefully, so as not to make any noise.

"You're so dumb, you don't know that you're about to die. You don't know that your efforts, while admirable, are completely in vain. You don't even know what I'm saying." James said, taunting the zombie. "Of course, even if you could understand me, you wouldn't even know what to do with this information. Face it, buddy, this is the end for you. It was nice that you kept me company, though."

A twig snapped under Alex's foot and the zombie turned to look at him just as Alex swung his branch as hard as he could; hitting the monster right in the face. It howl and snarled and stumbled backwards from the force, right into Jefferson's waiting arms. The man grabbed the zombie's shoulder, gagging a little at the squish sound it's rotting muscles made, and slammed his knife down into the zombie's head from behind. Alex looked away from the action, but he could still hear the screeching from the zombie as it was stabbed over and over again.

Finally, the screaming stopped, and Alex looked over to see the zombie's body hit the floor by Jefferson's boot. Alex sighed, satisfied that the unpleasantries were over with. He dropped his tree branch and turned to James, who was slowly making his way lower and lower.

"Thank you kindly." James said as he accepted Alex's help in climbing down from the tree. Alex smiled, thankful that the man was alright. He didn't know what he'd do without him.

"What were you doing up there?!" Jefferson asked as he frantically grabbed James and checked him for injuries.

"Oh, you know, chillin', what did it look like?" James sassed. "The zombie was chasing me, so I climbed a tree. It's not rocket science."

Alex shook his head, still smiling a little, "Okay, the gang's all back together. Now, let's figure out where we are and where we're going."

"Doesn't matter where we are. We're going north." Jefferson said, looking up at the sky. "Which would be … that way."

Alex frowned, "Why north?"

"Canada's north." Jefferson said, smiling a little. "No matter where you are, Canada will always be north."

"Yeah, if you're in continental America." Alex snorted. "Alright, lead the way, North Boy."

And so they started off, walking through the woods, once more. Alex kept glancing over at James, just to make sure he was still real and with them.

They've been walking for so long. Well, "walking" is putting it nicely. It's been more like "stomping", "hiking", "climbing", maybe even "tripping" would be a good way to describe it. But the sun was starting to go down now, and Alex was so tired he felt like he was going to cry from exhaustion.

"James." Jefferson said, leaning against a tree, "My feet are about to fall off. We have to stop for the night."

James glanced around before he nodded to a small clearing in the trees. "Okay. We'll settle down right there."

"Thank God." Jefferson muttered to himself and shuffled the last few feet over to where James had gestured.

"How're we gonna be safe?" Alex asked, setting down his back pack. He stretched as he spoke, popping his back with a small whine. "We couldn't climb a tree or something?"

Jefferson immediately shook his head, "No. No climbing for me, we can just have someone keep watch."

"All night? It was fine when we had the truck, but there's no cover here." Alex said, frowning.
Jefferson gestured around them, "There's trees all over the fucking place. And bushes and rocks and shit. It's not like we're in the middle of a field. No one, nothing, will see us."

"But-"

"No, Hamilton!" Jefferson snapped before plomping down on the ground against a tree. The man closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

James sighed, "Thomas." The southerner didn't respond, feigning sleep. James rolled his eyes and muttered, "Whatever. I'll make the fire, then."

"I'll help." Alex offered quietly, "If we make it over there, so his dumb ass freezes."

James was already picking up sticks and fallen branches. He took a second to ponder the idea. Jefferson opened an eye to peer at him. James looked over to Alex and shrugged, "Tempting, but no."

Alex expected that answer. He was still mad, but with the sun going down, the air was chilling. They'd have to work fast if they didn't want to freeze. Alex and James worked in silence as they searched through their bags until they found some matches. In just a few minutes, they had a campfire going.

Alex sighed as he sat down next to it and held out his hands to be warmed by the flames. Neither he nor James suggested that they find some food. Alex couldn't even remember if he shoved some extra cans into their backpacks or not. He was hungry, of course, but he wasn't really thinking much about the deep pit in his stomach. Instead, he glanced over at James, who had shifted so he was sitting with his back against Jefferson's chest. The taller man had his arms wrapped around James' waist and his face was pressed into the crook of his neck. Jefferson was fast asleep, his soft snores in time with the crickets. James didn't seem to mind the close position of the other man. He was staring into the fire thoughtfully.

"Why do you let him do that?" Alex asked quietly.

James blinked and his gaze snapped to Alex. He shifted a little, leaning further back into Jefferson's embrace. "Throw tantrums? I don't know. He's just always been like this. I know that he means it, he wouldn't complain over nothing. Thomas is … particular, but he's not selfish. He … he has his reasons for why he acts the way he does."

Alex nodded and said, "Sure, but I meant …" Now he was uncomfortable, "Why do you let him touch you like that?"

James opened his mouth and then closed it again. He ran a hand down Jefferson's arm and said, "...What do you mean?"

"You two touch all the time. Like, from the first time I saw you guys together until now. You hold hands and cuddle and he tries to kiss you and you play with his hair…" Alex listed the things off, remembering more as he goes. "You guys are just touchy."

Surprisingly, James chuckled. He smiled to himself and absentmindedly played with Jefferson's fingers. "It's all Thomas' fault. He wasn't held enough as a kid. He was one of, what, seven children? And his parents were gone often. So … he craves touch more than the average person. Especially now, since the world's so crazy. He's …"

"He's touch starved." Alex supplied. He knew a thing or two about that. His childhood left much to be desired and he could remember the nights he would curl up and just pray for someone to come and hold him while he slept. "How long has he been like this?"

"As long as I can remember." James sighed, tilting his head back a little to look up at the stars. "He would be so stressed all the time; incredibly anxious and he'd, he'd do this thing where he just disappeared deep into his mind and he wouldn't really respond to anything. I figured it out, that he got that way when he really really needed a hug, but he didn't know how to ask for it. So I told him, you know, that I didn't mind him clinging to me. And the rest is history, I guess."

Alex watched as Jefferson shifted in his sleep, his arms tightening around James' waist. He let out a whimper and James quietly soothed him. A nightmare. Alex glanced back at the fire. As he watched the flames flicker and dance he thought about his own lazy days with Eliza, how he loved resting his head on her chest, how she'd stroke her fingers through his hair while she played on her phone. If he thought hard enough, he could recall the feeling of a warm body pressed against his side. He closed his eyes and imagined holding and being held.

Yeah. He could see the appeal of that.

The next day has much of the same. Walking, walking, and hey, guess what? More walking. Alex has never sweat this much in his life. He's just thankful he's been wearing a sports bra for the past two days. He couldn't imagine walking this much, this fast, with his chest constricted.

For a while, everything's fine. But then Jefferson starts bitching again.

"James, I gotta take a break." He said for the third time that day.

"Jesus Christ," Alex growled. He was fine with it the first time. It made sense, they had been walking for a while, and a small break was acceptable. The second time, it bugged him a little, because he had just gotten into the groove of tromping through a pathless woods, just for them to halt once more. Now, Jefferson better have a good fucking excuse for why he's having them stop again after just an hour since their last break. They're never going to get anywhere at this pace, and the sooner they find the edge of the forest, the sooner they don't need to be scratched up by thorns anymore.

Jefferson leaned against a hickory tree and huffed. "No one fucking asked you, Hamilton."

James paused from where he was at the front of the group. He looked around, anxiously wringing his hands. "Can you at least make it to the top of the hill?"

Jefferson looked up at the rest of the small mountain they were climbing. He groaned and shook his head, "I can't, Jemmy. I'm so sore."

"We're all tired, Jefferson." Alex crossed his arms, "But we can't keep stopping every two seconds because your fucking princess ass can't walk ten feet."

Hurt flashed in Jefferson's eyes, before it hardened and he growls, "Shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're talking about, dipshit."

"Thomas." James said in warning.

Alex shook his head, "Oh? I don't know what I'm talking about? I live in this fucking hellhole, too, idiot. I have to watch my back because if I don't, it'll be eaten by some undead bitch with one leg. So don't start that 'holier than thou' shit with me, okay? We're all trying not to die, here, so-"

"Alexander." James raised his voice a little.

Jefferson scoffed and muttered, "Yeah, I bet it's real hard work being carried along."

"EXCUSE YOU!?" Alex nearly lost it, "Says the whiney bitch that wouldn't even help us make a fire last night! Oh yeah! You were too tired then, too! Do you need to take a nap you fucking baby! I swear I've never met anyone so fucking-"

"ENOUGH!" James shouted, startling Alex into silence. His fingers were digging into his scalp with frustration. His gaze snapped up and Alex actually took a step back in fear. He had never seen the man so mad before. "Do either of you realize what is at stake here?! Your fucking petty arguing is a complete waste of time and I'm sick of it! If either of you say another goddamned word I'll leave you here to get bit and rot! Am I understood!?"

Alex fought down his surprise and ignored how intimidated he felt. He huffed and said, just as loud and harsh as James had been, "But Jefferson is-"

"Thomas needs breaks because he's fucking disabled you dumbass piece of shit!" James said, his hands shaking with fury as he spoke. His voice was tight and high pitched as he clearly had reached his limit.

"JAMES!" Jefferson shouted, horrified.

"He was going to find out eventually!" James turned to the other man, a bit apologetic, but mostly still mad. He gestured to Alex and said, "You couldn't've kept it hidden forever!"

Jefferson didn't say anything, his mouth hung open in shock. He stared at James, the betrayal obvious in his eyes. He took a stumbling step backwards, turning so he could hold onto the tree, hoping it would support the weight he could no longer carry.

Alex didn't know how to react. His gaze darted around Jefferson's body, searching for some kind of hint as to what James meant. Disabled? Disabled how? Where? He looked abled-bodied, but Alex had never really seen his skin much, aside from his face and hands. Maybe it was an internal thing, like his lungs or heart? Alex's mind was racing, and everyone knew it.

"It's his leg." James said, quiet this time. Jefferson didn't even look up at them from his spot crouched on the ground. "The left one. It's amputated at the knee, and that's why he can't walk as far or fast. His prosthetic wasn't meant for this kind of travel."

Oh. OH!

That made sense, Alex decided. He started to piece all the little bits of the puzzle together as he realized the answer was staring him in the eyes the entire time. His shitty balance, his unwillingness to be undressed around him, how often he trips, how much he sits down, the awkwardness in how he stands up or lays down. It wasn't much on it's own, but now that Alex realized it was part of something more, it was all so obvious.

Thomas Jefferson only had one leg.

Alex was still stunned by the news that he almost missed Jefferson's pained, shakey whisper, "Why would you do this?!"

James looked over to Alex and paused. He took a long breath through his nose and said, "I can make it even. Alex has been hiding something, too."

"No." Alex said, a little breathless. Then, louder, and with more fear, "No! NO!"

James maintained eye contact with Alex as he said, "Thomas, Alex is-"

Alexander hurtled himself across the clearing into James' chest, the both fell to the ground, landing on rocks and roots. Alex pounded on the man's chest with his fists, screaming at the top of his lungs. James grabbed onto his wrists and twisted them until he had Alex pinned down. Alex kept screaming, thinking he could, perhaps, drown out the other man.

"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL YOU!" Alex screech, over and over.

James hollared over the sound of Alex's voice, "ALEX IS TRANS!"

And just like that, Alexander was silent. Like someone hitting the mute button, all of his screaming was halted immediately. James sighed and looked over to Jefferson, who was sitting, horrified, watching the whole fight.

"Alexander is a trans man." James said, sounding exhausted. "I've known for years. He didn't want you to find out." He took a deep breath and he said, "Alex is trans, and Thomas is disabled, and now everyone knows everything."

"I fucking hate you." Alex said with tears in his eyes. "I absolutely fucking hate you, Madison."

Madison sighed, "Alexander…"
"Get off me." Alex pushed Madison until he could sit up on his own. He immediately climbed to his feet and stalked off further up the hill. He didn't hear anyone coming after him, which was probably for the best. If someone touched him right now, he'd probably outright deck the person.

He imagined himself doing various violent things to Madison as he stomped up the hill. He had so much to think about, so much to rant about, so much to cry about, and shout about, and write about.

Yeah, he's been outed before. And he's come out willingly before. Each and every time, it's a terrifying experience. He never gets used to it. For so long, he'd gotten used to passing, to looking cis, that he would barely even think about it anymore. But now, all of his fears and anxiety and dysphoria and anger came rushing back to him full-force. He couldn't believe this, he trusted Madison. The man had never done something like this before, and now? Now Alex wondered if he could ever trust the man again.

He was crushed, he looked up at the stars, barely visible between the trees, and sighed a deep, shuddering sigh. He wrapped his arms around his waist and silently begged for his wife to come and hold him until he was better. He prayed for his children to be there, to make him smile, just once. He wanted his friends, who loved him, who would never do this to him. He just wanted someone - anyone - in this world who would love him like his dead friends and family did. Why, why, why, why was he left alive, when they got the sweet peaceful embrace of death? Why was he left here, on a dying earth, with people who absolutely hated him? What had he done to deserve this kind of torture?

He didn't even care that Jefferson didn't have a leg. He was just absolutely furious that Madison would so thoughtlessly out him like that. Alex groaned and stued in his own hate and anger long until the sun went down. When it was dark, Alex stalked back to where the other two were sitting. A fire had been made, Madison was asleep. He and Jefferson were not touching.

When Alex approached, Jefferson looked up, grabbing his knife. He relaxed when he saw it was just Alex, and relaxed further when it was clear that he wasn't infected. Alex sat down on the opposite side of the fire, far away from Madison's sleeping form.

Jefferson looked at him for a moment, he sighed and said quietly, "We need to talk."

Tell me what you think!