"See, your problem," Pegs said as they scooped a spoonful of ice cream into their mouth. They continued around the dessert, their words muffled, "is that you're so focused on passing."

They were in Pegs Schuyler's room. Alex was spread out on their bed, his hair fanned out around his head as he laid on his back. Pegs was at their desk, sitting in a spinny chair. They had ice cream and were wearing fuzzy purple socks.

Alex sighed as he stared up at the ceiling, watching as Pegs' ceiling fan spun in the same dull circle slowly. "Isn't that the point? Isn't that what we're supposed to want? For everyone to look at me and think, 'that's a boy'."

Pegs hummed thoughtfully. "Well. I think we all have that secret wish deep down. But." They waved their spoon around as they talked, "You realize that even the concept of passing is transphobic. The idea that the only way someone can be a man is if they look, act, and sound how society has deemed men should look, act, and sound. Passing may be a goal, sure, but it shouldn't be your life focus. You should be comfortable with your gender and yourself no matter what you look like."

Alex twisted to stare at Pegs from across the room, "Clearly, you don't have crippling dysphoria."

"I'll admit, it's different for me." Pegs agreed. "My gender fluxuates, so if someone thinks I'm a chick, I'm okay with it, because chances are, I might feel like a chick that day." They shrug, "But I've also felt super dysphoric before. I've cried because my hair wasn't manly, or because my outfit wasn't androgynous enough. So I get it."

Alex reached out for the tub of ice cream in Pegs' hand. They handed it to him with their lips pursed in thought. Alex rolled onto his stomach so he could get a scoop of ice cream without making a mess.

"But I also think you're too hard on yourself. I know you're a boy. So does Liza and Angie and all of your friends. What's it matter what strangers on the street think?" Pegs smiled, pulling their knees up to their chest. They paused, their smile fading a little bit. They said quietly, "And, real talk? I think you might have a bit of internalized toxic masculinity. Which could be a part of your dysphoria. If you realize that you can be a boy and still, you know, wear nail polish or braid your hair or whatever, I think it'll be easier for you to accept who you are."

"My hair's not really much of an issue." Alex grumbled. "I like my hair."

"Perfect! We're halfway there!" Pegs grinned. "Now, how about makeup? You already know the basics, but I can show you some techniques to make your contour more masculine."

Alex smiled, "I'd like that. Did that shirt I send you fit?"

"Yeah! And I looked great in it. Are you sure I can keep it?"

"Of course, I won't wear that kind of crap anymore."

"I might have some shirts that'll make you look taller, give me a sec." Pegs stood up and walked over to their closet. They disappeared inside for a moment, still talking, "How do you feel about stripes? I think you could rock the Blue's-Clues-host vibe."

Alex shrugged, looking down at the ice cream, "I dunno, I think-"

"Alexander?"

Alex looked up suddenly. He gaze darted to the open door, where the most beautiful girl in the world stood. She seemed surprised to see him, her gaze settled firmly on his face.

Alex's cheeks burned darkly as they made eye contact. He froze up, unsure of how to talk to her. She always made him nervous. "I-I, hi, um, Pegs invited me over? They wanted me to listen to Something Rotten with them and then we had ice cream and..."

"We're talking about boys!" Pegs yelled from inside the closet.

Alex's eyes widened as he looked from the closet back to Eliza, "No! I mean, technically, yes, but not like, I don't have a crush on a boy or anything, they just meant, we were being gay, but not in the kind where-"

Eliza, bless her heart, interrupted him before he could make more of a fool of himself. "Do you want to stay for dinner? I didn't know you'd be here, but we can set another spot at the table."

"Yeah! Yes!" Alex replied immediately, "That'd be great, cool, sure."

Eliza smiled kindly and disappeared back down the hall. Alex groaned and fell back onto the bed. Pegs emerged from the closet, striped shirt in hand. They leaned against the doorway and shook their head at him. "Yikes."

"Yikes indeed, my enbie." Alex sighed, covering his face with his hands. "Why does she make me so nervous?"

"Because you like her. Duh." Pegs snorted, dropping the shirt on his chest. "Just ask her out. She's just as into you as you're into her."

Alex sighed and nodded. "I will. I just gotta figure out the best way to do it. It's gotta be perfect, you know? She deserves the best."

Pegs rolled their eyes, but was smiling. "Okay, Romeo. Now try that shirt on, I wanna see the results."

Jefferson hadn't said anything as Alex sighed deeply out his nose. He closed his eyes and wrung his hands and waited for the yelling to start. The air was hot and heavy around them, it weighed down on Alex's neck and shoulders, making it hard for him to lift his gaze enough to make eye contact with the southerner. The crickets even seemed to be silent tonight, like they too, were disappointed in him.

"I..." Jefferson started, then stopped, and tried again, "It…"

Alex didn't look up, he stared down at his shoes, his arms on his knees, his body bent over to protect his organs as Jefferson took his shots at him. He didn't know what he expected. Homophobic slurs, transphobic ones. For Jefferson to yell? For him to punch and kick? Would Madison feign sleep as the other man beat him? Would Madison join in? Alex screwed his eyes shut tight as he tried to push away the violent thoughts in his mind. He heard voices in his head that told him he was fake, he was stupid, or lying. He wanted to scream, but his mouth wouldn't open. His teeth were clenched so tightly that his jaw hurt. He wanted to die.

"It was a car accident."

Alex paused, opening his eyes enough to watch the shadows dance by his feet. He held his breath, but listened as Jefferson continued.

"I was driving, my cousin, Gilbert, was in the passenger seat. It wasn't rainy or snowing or dark out. I wasn't drunk and neither was the other driver. It just was one of those things that … that just happens. It was unavoidable." Jefferson cleared his throat as he said, "The tire blew out. And they lost control, I couldn't hit the brakes fast enough and we slammed right into them."

Alex rubbed one of his thumbs with the other in a subtle attempt to calm himself. He reminded himself that they weren't talking about him right now, which means Jefferson probably isn't super mad about him being trans, which means there's nothing to worry about. If Jefferson was transphobic, he would start interrogating Alex as soon as he sat down, right? Or would he ignore the subject completely? Alex tried to focus on Jefferson's story, but his mind was still wild.

"Gil broke his wrist. He was flung forward on impact and used his hand to try and brace himself. It worked, he was fine, except for the wrist. He got a cast and was good within a day." Jefferson let the words linger for a moment before he added, "Clearly, I wasn't as lucky."

"What happened?" Alex asked, his voice a little raw.

Jefferson shook his head, "Honestly? I don't know. It was all so fast and I had blacked out from the impact, the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital and my leg was gone. Doctor said that the door smashed into my leg. That some metal was lodged into the muscle, that it shattered my knee beyond repair, and that I was lucky to be alive. Said that God saved me that day."

Jefferson scoffed and threw some grass into the fire. He clearly had different ideas about that, but Alex wasn't going to get into a fight about religious beliefs right then. He had more pressing matters at hand.

"Anyway." Jefferson sighed. "They gave me a new robot leg. I had to learn how to walk again. It took forever, and it hurt - Jesus, it hurt. Each and every step was agony. But Gil was by my side every second of the day. He refused to leave me, even when I told him to go."

"Sounds like a good man." Alex muttered.

"He's my best friend." Jefferson agreed.

They were quiet once more. Alex cleared his throat awkwardly. He scratched his head, his hair tangled and greasy. He looked up to Jefferson and let out a little sigh, "I'm sorry. For being a dick. I- I didn't know you were in pain."

Jefferson glanced over at Madison's sleeping form. He shrugged and shifted awkwardly, "It's fine."

Alex shook his head, genuinely apologetic, "No, it's not. If I had known you were disabled, I would never of-"

"Don't say that!" Jefferson interrupted. He glared daggers at Alexander, his fists tight in his lap. "Don't call me that. I hate that word. Disabled. I'm not fucking-" He took a deep breath, "I can do everything you can. There's nothing wrong with me, so don't just…"

Alex watched as Jefferson took a shuddering breath, his head ducked, his thighs trembling with tension. Thrown off his balance, Alex had no idea what to say. He struggled to think of something other than just 'I'm sorry', which now sounded pitying.

Jefferson let out a sigh, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. He looked over at Alex and shrugged, "Well, now you know. And if you say anything, one leg or not, I can still kick your ass."

Alex chuckled a little, "Yeah, no. Don't worry, I won't… I'm not gonna talk shit about this."

The wind shifted, and with it, the fire danced in it's breeze. Alex looked up to find Jefferson was still staring at him. Even when being caught staring, Jefferson doesn't look away. He squints harder in the dark, his gaze tracing around Alex's features.

"What?" Alex asked, getting annoyed.

"You don't … look like a girl." Jefferson said finally.

Alex's irritation flared, "Funny, that'd be because I'm not one."

"But… James said-"

"Madison betrayed my trust and blabbed his big mouth when he shouldn't have." Alex crossed his arms over his chest and Jefferson's gaze followed the movement. Alex shifted away when he realized that Jefferson was now staring at his chest. "Dude! Stop!"

Jefferson's face flushed and he looked away. He glanced back at Alex's face and frowned. "I'm sorry. I just … Can I ask questions?"

"No." Alex replied instantly. "I don't have to tell you shit."
"No, you don't. But, it'd be appreciated." Jefferson said, his voice nonthreatening. "I come from a small town in the south. All of my family, my friends, we're all conservative. This gay stuff, I- the only thing I know is that sometimes guys like guys and girls like girls, a-and," Jefferson glanced away, his face burning a little, "and sometimes guys like guys and girls, so…. Anything else is lost on me."

Alex stared at the fire, his arms wrapped tight around himself. He didn't look at Jefferson during his little speech. He was too busy trying to figure out if he wanted to deal with any transphobic comments, even if they were accidental or innocent.

"Madison didn't have to ask me a thousand questions." Alex said. Which is mostly true. When Madison first found out about Alex, in that bathroom forever ago, he didn't pry. It was only now, that their lives are in danger every day, that the man has asked for more information.

Jefferson shook his head, "James is more … worldly than I. He understands this kind of shit. It always just goes over my head."

Alex let out a deep sigh. The look on Jefferson's face doesn't seem malicious. He's just confused. Concerned? Alex figures he might as well educate the man, and if Jefferson says something stupid, Alex could always hold it over him forever. He rubbed his forehead and grumbled, "Alright. What do you want to know?"

"So… you're a boy?" Jefferson asked after a minute of thinking.

"Yes." Alex said, resting his chin in his hand.

"But you … weren't born one?" Jefferson said slowly.

"Not, physically."

"Do you…" His gaze darted down to Alex's chest again, then even lower. "Have a…?"

"You can't ask me about my genitals. They're none of your business." Alex said. He leaned back and looked up at the sky, "Although, if you've been paying even the slightest bit of attention, you'd already know the answer."

Jefferson's eyes widened as he realized, "The bras."

Alex almost smiled at the awe in the other man's voice. He shook his head playfully and eyed the other man through his peripheral. "Thanks for those pads and tampons, by the way."

Jefferson smiled a little, shaking his head. "Damn. I wasn't even - they were literally just giant band-aids in my mind."

"You scared the fuck out of me." Alex was smiling now, too. "When you did that. I thought that was your way of telling me that you figured it out."

"No, I had no clue." Jefferson confirmed. His smile fell a little as he thought. He shifted in his seat as he said, "Can I ask…?" Alex braced for the worst. He waited with baited breath as Jefferson gathered the courage to say something. Finally, the man continued, "How did you and Eliza have kids?"

That… wasn't the question Alex was expecting. He frowned for a second, confused. "Uh. Well, Angie, my youngest, is adopted. She's from Brazil. Adorable little girl. But Philip, my oldest, um, we had my friend John be our sperm donor. It was Eliza's idea."

"So… John is the father?" Jefferson asked.

"Biologically, yes. But he's really more like a cool, gay uncle." Alex shrugged. "I'm still Pip's dad."

"Huh." Jefferson said quietly.

Alex thought about it. About his family dynamic. How his son ended up having three dads, a mom, an aunt, and a pibling. He never worried about if it was the right choice; letting so many people be involved in his children's upbringing. He had no one when he was young, so maybe he overcompensated by letting everyone and their brother be a part of his children's lives.

"We had some neighbors." Alex is telling the story before he even knew the words left his mouth, "Who approached me one day. They were concerned because Philip very obviously doesn't look like me. And they've seen John come by our house plenty of times. They thought Eliza had cheated on me and Pip was their love child. I had to explain to them that, no, John was just a surrogate father. I told them that I was infertile or whatever, and that it was all consensual and there's no problems with my marriage." Alex shook his head, smiling at the memory of it. "It was annoying, to say the least, but they were just concerned."

"That's funny." Jefferson commented. He frowned then and asked, "So, are you infertile?"

"No." Alex shrugged, "It was always on my to-do list, but then I married Eliza. I'd never have sex with someone with a penis again, so there wasn't really much point. And, if I ever got bottom surgery, then it would've been pointless."
Jefferson's frown only deepened, "Bottom surgery?"
"Yeah." Alex said, but didn't elaborate.

"As opposed to…?" Jefferson prodded.

Alex blinked a few times, "As opposed to top surgery?"

"There's- there's two surgeries?" Jefferson asked, thoroughly confused. "They don't just do it all at once?"

Alex closed his eyes and sighed. He thought this one would've been common sense. "No, there's definitely two different procedures."

"Oh." Jefferson mumbled. "Learn something new every day."
Alex sighed. "Are we done here? Do you have any more questions?"

Jefferson shrugged, "What was your girl name?"

"What?" Alex reared back in surprise.

"What was your girl name? Was it Alexandra? And now you're Alexander?" Jefferson asked.

"No!" Alex shook his head, "And I'm not telling you! No one has called me by my birth name in over two decades, so no, I'm not telling you it now."

Jefferson frowned a little, "Why's it matter? It's just a name."
"It's not, though. It's everything I was before I transitioned. It's called a dead name because it's dead to me. No one speaks it; it doesn't exist." Alex growled, glaring at the other man. "You wouldn't get it."

Jefferson holds up his hands in defense, "I didn't mean to make you mad. I was just curious."

"Well, don't be. It's just Alexander, that's all it'll ever be." Alex said, making sure that the other man won't start pulling out baby name lists and read through them until Alex winced.

Jefferson nodded, "Okay, understood. So… nothing has changed?"

"What do you mean?" Alex asked.

"You're still, like, Alexander Hamilton, and you're a boy?" Jefferson asked, clearly a little worried.

"Yes." Alex said slowly.

Jefferson relaxed, "Okay, great. I thought I'd have to learn some new name and pronoun or something. If nothing's different than before, then there's really nothing that'll change now, you know?"

Alex nodded after a minute, "So you're not gonna treat me any differently?"

"Will you treat me differently, now that you know I have one and a half legs?" Jefferson asked, using the same tone and inflection Alex just did.

"No."
"Then, no."

"Good."

"Good."

Alex looked over at Madison, who was still asleep. "I'm still pissed at him, though."

Jefferson followed his gaze and scoffed, "You and me both, brother."

And Alex knows that they just had an entire conversation about how he was a boy and Jefferson was going to respect that; but hearing the other man so bluntly correctly gender him the second they finished their conversation made Alex smile. He wasn't sure why. Jefferson had been referring to him as a boy this entire time, but now that he knows Alex is trans … Alex expected him to be a dick or slip up or something. But Jefferson was right. Nothing had changed. And at the same time, everything had.

Alexander woke up from the cold. He was shivering so badly that he bit his tongue in his sleep; the pain of which jolted him awake. He gasped and sat up, frowning and poking at his sore tongue. Once he was fully awake, he turned to look at the other two.

The fire had gone out some time during the night. Both of the other men were asleep, they were lucky nothing ambushed them, when they had no guards. They shouldn't be so careless, they're going to get burned doing this.

Alex turned and looked at Madison, who was curled up in a ball, attempting to keep as much body heat as possible. A spike of irritation ran through his body as he remembered what had happened the day before. Alex searched around before finding a stick nearby. He chucked the stick at Madison's head, causing the man to flinch and startle awake. He sat up suddenly, fearing his own demise as zombies rushed to eat him. But there were no zombies; there was only a mildly annoyed trans immigrant.

Alex rolled his eyes and turned to look at Jefferson. The man's head was tossing back and forth and he was mumbling in his sleep. Despite the early morning chill, a noticeable sweat was forming along his forehead. Alex crawled over to the sleeping man, leaning over him with concern in his eyes.

"Jefferson? Jefferson, wake up." Alex said, gently shaking the man's shoulders.

"M'sorry." Jefferson mumbled in his sleep, "Martha, Minnie, m'sorry."

"He's having a nightmare." Madison called from his spot a few feet away. Alex bit his lip so he wouldn't snap 'Yeah, no shit.' Instead he sighed and shook Jefferson a bit harder. He spoke a bit louder, although not harshly; he didn't want to scare the other man any more than he already was.

"Thomas! Wake up!" Alex said, tapping on his cheek until the man's eyes flicked open.

The southerner sucked in a sharp breath; clearly still lost in his mind. He blinked rapidly, glancing around before his eyes settled on Alex's face. He closed his eyes, still breathing hard, and lifted a hand to wipe at his brow. Alex paused before he said, "You were having a nightmare…. Are you okay?"

"Fine." Jefferson said quickly. He sat up, wincing a little as he moved. Alex was sure that sleeping on the hard forest floor did little to help his sore body. Alex's own back hurt like a bitch and he thinks he slept on his arm wrong, since it hurt whenever he moved it.

They skipped breakfast, deciding to just keep moving since they didn't have much supplies-wise. James said, "The sooner we get out of the forest, the better."
To which Jefferson replied, "Ham, the sooner we get out of these woods, the better."
And Alex responded with, "Excellent idea, Jeff."

Madison let out a deep sigh, but followed the two of them as they walked off into the woods together. Alex knew he probably shouldn't take pleasure in Madison's misery, but that didn't stop him from doing it. He found himself grinning smugly every time he heard Madison huff. It was the price he should pay for blabbing his big mouth.

"Are you going to be like this all day?" Madison asked, running ahead to stand in front of Jefferson. "Will you talk to me?"

"Non." Jefferson said, waving the man off, "Je suis encore fou de toi."

Madison groans a little, "Thomas, please, don't do this. You know I can't speak French."

"Et bien, c'est pas mon problème." Jefferson sniffed a little, crossing his arms and looking away from the shorter man. Madison chewed his lip, his eyes wide with worry.

"Tu parles français?" Alex asked, surprised. He pointed to himself, his excitement clear in his voice, "Je parle français!"

Madison sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "Great."

Jefferson turned to him, a smile forming on his lips. "Quelle agréable surprise. Quand as-tu appris?"

"Ma mère m'a appris." Alex smiled, a little shy. He hadn't spoken French in a while, but it was so ingrained into his mind, it was like riding a bike. He barely even had to think about what he was saying. "Et toi?"

"Mon cousin, Gilbert." Jefferson waved it off, "En fait, du côté de mon père, ils sont tous français. Ça m'a semblé important d'apprendre. Et, j'ai presque été un linguiste à la fac. Alors..."

Alex nodded along, smiling, "Tu m'as pas dit. On aurait pu faire ça tout le temps."

Jefferson snickered and nodded over to Madison, who was sulking a few feet away, "Ç'est l'auraient rendu fou." They shared a smirk as they watched Madison from afar. "Faisons-le, comme un remboursement."

Alex couldn't agree more. And so, they didn't speak a lick of English the entire morning. Alex could tell that Madison was getting more and more annoyed each second. He could see the anxiety in the other man's eyes, how he shifted on his feet when they looked at him and spoke words he couldn't understand. Was it petty? Absolutely. Did Alex care? Not at all.

They moved through the yellow forest slowly, Alex finally taking the time to allow Jefferson rest, should he need it. When Jefferson took a break, Alex and he continued their conversations, chatting away in French, while Madison would peer into the bushes and try his best to not snap at them.

"Will you please just say something?" Madison asked after a long time of listening to what he would consider gibberish.

Jefferson rolled his eyes. "J'ai parlé toute la journée."

"In English," Madison begged, "Please, I hate fighting with you."

Jefferson looked like he was about to forgive him, but then he shook his head and turned back to Alex, "Comme je le disais…"

Madison groaned and stomped off, leaving the two to watch him. Alex almost felt bad, but it's what Madison deserves. He ruined their trust, how can he demand to know what they're saying, now? He should feel bad for what he did. He should suffer.

Besides, in Alex's opinion, this isn't too bad of a punishment.

The two men didn't follow Madison, since the man looked like he was about to have a temper tantrum. Plus, they were supposed to be ignoring him. So they stayed in the same spot, waiting for him to return. There was no doubt in their minds that he'd return.

"Tu fais un drame pour rien." Jefferson crossed his arms, continuing their previous conversation. " Il obtient la fille, et alors?"

"Non. C'est injuste pour elle." Alex shook his head, remembering the plot of the musical well, he stated, "Christine ne l'aimais pas. Mais elle sort avec Jeremy, de tout façon."

"Oui, et?" Jefferson seemed unimpressed.

"Et ça personnage est censé etre une féministe. Mais elle ist juste une autre histoire d'amour." Alex said, Jefferson shook his head, laughing a little.

The taller man ran a hand through his curls, snorting, "Qui s'en soucie? Toutes les bonnes histoires doivent avoir une histoire d'amour."

"Je suis en désaccord." Alex crossed his arms.

Jefferson laughed and muttered, "Bien sûr que si." Alex frowned and looked around. It had been a while since Madison left. Jefferson had a strange look on his face as he continued, "Tu veux dire que tu ne veux pas un peu d'amour dans ta vie?"

"Wait." Alex said, barely hearing the question. "Where's Madison?"

"He walked off." Jefferson said, turning to look in the direction the man went.

Alex nodded, still concerned, "Yeah, but, why isn't he back yet?"

When Alex turned to look back at Jefferson's face, he could see the exact moment his anxiety kicked in. Alex's eyes widened as he realized what he had done. He held up his hands and said in placating manner, "I'm sure he's okay."
"What if something happened to him? Why didn't we follow him? Why's he not back yet?" Jefferson said as he pushed through the bushes to try and see further into the woods. He cursed under his breath and then turned back to Alex, "Stop distracting me! If he gets hurt, that's on me!"
No it isn't. Alex wanted to say. He's a grown adult.

But he didnt' speak his mind. Instead, he placed a hand on Jefferson's shoulder and said, "Hey, we shouldn't go running off into the woods. We should stay right here, that way when he comes back, he'll know where to look. If we end up going in a different direction than him, we'll never find him. We just have to wait."

Jefferson frantically glanced around, the fear obvious in his eyes. When his gaze settled on Alexander's, he shook his head, "No, no, I can't. I have to find him, what if he's hurt?"

"You were just mad at him ten minutes ago." Alex said making a vague gesture.

Jefferson pushed past him, taking a few steps further into the woods, "Yeah, mad at him, but that don't mean I want his dumb ass to die! Ham, if anything happened to him-"

"Nothing bad will happen." Alex said, holding up his hands. "Look, he just walked off to blow off some steam. He's just mad that we're mad at him. He's fine, he's safe."
Jefferson wouldn't take that as an acceptable answer, "You don't know that! You can't promise me that!"

Alex was about to say something else - what, he wasn't sure just yet - when he looked past Jefferson's shoulder to see a figure moving behind him. Alex sucked in a breath, already anxiously anticipating a attack. Jefferson saw Alex's expression and whipped around, pulling a knife out of his pocket. He stood between Alex and the oncoming threat, ready to fight.

"Calm down," The oncoming threat said, sounding more annoyed than it had the right to be. "It's just me."

"James." Jefferson sighed in releif, instantly forgetting that he was supposed to be mad at the other man. He put his knife away and pulled Madison into a hug before the shorter man was even detangled from the bushes yet.

"What the fuck?! Where did you go?! Why did you leave?! I was worried sick! My Number One can't just walk off like that!" Jefferson was saying, not letting Madison get a word in edgewise. "What if you had gotten hurt? I never could've lived with myself."

"You done?" Madison asked as he pulled away from Jefferson's grip.

"One more thing." Jefferson said, smoothing down Madison's shirt as he spoke, "I'm still mad at you, but, also, I love you."

"Good to know." Madison said bluntly, he gestured behind himself and said, "I found a cabin."

Jefferson turned to look at Alex in surprise. He looked back to Madison, a small smile on his face, "Oh. Well. Lead the way."

The cabin was on the top of a hill. An old dirt road with many potholes led up to it before disappearing in the woods. A road, that meant a way out. Alex mentally cheered. He was tired of tripping over roots and he was positive Jefferson felt the same.

There were no cars sitting outside the cabin; the lights were off (obviously) and the trash cans outside were knocked over. Madison's backpack was sitting on the porch swing and it was only then that Alex realized the man wasn't wearing it previously.

Madison walked up to the front door, the other two close behind him. Jefferson placed a hand on Madison's shoulder, "Are you sure there's nothing in there?"

"Positive." Madison said, "I banged on every window and didn't hear a single growl. It's safe."
Even still, Alex held his breath as Madison broke the lock and swung the door open. They waited, muscles tense, but nothing jumped out at them. Slowly, they creeped into the cabin. Light from the door and windows spilled into the room; making it fairly easy to see.

Alex felt his lips quirk in a little smile at the simple rustic style of the building. It was only one large room, save for what Alex assumed to be a bathroom off to the side. The livingroom and kitchen were all down in front of them, while the bedroom appeared to be a lofted second floor, similar to a balcony, and the only way to get up there was by a wooden ladder. When Alex climbed up the first few steps of the ladder, he was able to see that almost the entire second floor was a king sized bed. Large, fluffy pillows sat across the back wall and many extra blankets sat in a thick pile to the side. Alex grinned; they were gonna sleep well tonight.

"Wow." Jefferson said as he turned in a small circle to look around the room. His hand brushed against the back of the couch as he walked over to the kitchen. "This is amazing."

James closed the door, he was fiddling with it in an attempt to make sure it would stay closed, even without the lock.

"I just stumbled upon it when I walked off." Madison said, "I looked around it for a bit and then decided, 'yeah, I'll share it with those idiots.'"

Alex made a noise in the back of his throat. "Comme c'est généreux de ta part."

"Hush." Jefferson breathed in Alex's direction, a smile on his face. He turned to Madison and held out his arms, "JemmyJames, thank you!"

Madison hesitated, as if he thought it was a trap, but he let himself be pulled into Jefferson's embrace. He smiled and hid his face in Jefferson's chest, satisfied that he was forgiven. Alex huffed to himself and jumped down from the ladder. It certainly didn't take much for Jefferson to change his tune.

"There might be some food in the kitchen. This kind of place looks like a summer home. Or a rentable vacation spot. So I think it would have some non-perishables." Madison explained, he nodded over to the kitchen.

"Hopefully." Jefferson agreed, and soon they were looking in the cabinets and the panturey. They set things out on the counter that they could eat and were pleased to find a small feast of crackers, beef jerky, and raisins. They also found trail mix and stale pretzels. Alex was so happy, he could cry. He never would've thought he'd be excited for stale pretzels in his life, but here he was.

"Thomas, you hate beef jerky." Madison laughed as the other man tore open a package. Jefferson took a huge bite, moaning in delight.
"Not no more." Jefferson said around his mouthful. Alex could just stared at the other man and had the desperate want to be him. He reached for the package of beef jerky, quickly shoving some into his mouth. He sighed happily, not even caring that he'll be chewing on this for the next twenty minutes. Madison laughed as Jefferson mumbled around the jerky, "Never had something this disgustingly good before."

Alex chewed on the salty meat as he rummaged through another cabinet. He let out a happy squeal at what he found, "You guys! You missed the best part!"

He turned around, showing his prize to the others. Jefferson grinned while Madison frowned a little. Alex turned the label around to read it, "It's unopened, I think it's blue raspberry."

In his hands was a large, glass bottle of blue vodka. He searched around until he found cups for them to drink from.

"It might not be a good idea to get drunk." Madison said, reaching for the bottle, "There could be zombies or something knocking down our door any minute."

"You worry too much." Alex said, pulling the bottle out of Madison's reach. "If we don't make a lot of noise or use a lot of light, no one will notice us. Besides, if there were zombies around, we would know by now."

"Okay, but you don't have a lot of food or water in your body; alcohol won't help you nutrition-wise." Madison continued, crossing his arms.

Jefferson shrugged, "If you're really that worried, then you don't have to have any. I, however, intend to get smashed."
Madison chewed his lip nervously, but didn't stop the two from pouring their shots. They clinked their glasses together and threw back the drinks. Alex coughed and sputtered at the sharp burn of the vodka. His eyes watered a little, but he was laughing either way.

"Oh, that's good." Alex muttered, turning to grab some raisins. He chewed on them, planning on taking his time with the bottle. They had all night, and he really didn't want to end up throwing anything up. That would only make his body hate him even more.

In the end, Jefferson and Alex ended up on the couch, some snacks and the vodka sitting on the coffee table in front of them. Madison had found some candles and lit them as the sun started to sink below the tree line. He hovered around them as they drank, careful to keep an eye on them at all times.

"You're babysitting!" Jefferson gasped suddenly, turning to look at Madison.

"Someone has to." Madison replied, wrapping a blanket around Jefferson's shoulders.

Jefferson shook his head, "No, quit babysitting, here, let me see you sip it." He shoved a cup in Madison's hand.

"Thomas, I already said I wouldn't…" Madison said, pushing the cup back.

Jefferson rolled his eyes and muttered, "You could not be responsible for once."

Madison shook his head and walked back over to the kitchen, nervously glancing out the window as he went. Alex shrugged and took another shot.

At some point they got out the leftover water bottle from the lake. There wasn't much, soon they would be all out. Alex hoped that this fall would be a rainy one. He tried not to think about that kind of thing as he drank, though.

"Is that the gross lake water or the gross toilet water?" Jefferson asked, taking the bottle from him.

"No idea." Alex replied, "Still tastes better than this, though."

Jefferson laughed as Alex gestured to the vodka, and in that moment, Alexander realized that Jefferson had a really nice laugh. He found himself laughing, too, his cheeks a little flushed. From the alcohol, of course.

Jefferson turned to Madison and giggled, "You know what I want?"

"What?" Madison asked, he sounded tired. He always sounded tired, lately. Alex was sober enough to feel bad about the stress they were probably putting on the other man. He frowned at himself and decided that those kinds of feelings weren't for tonight. He took another shot in hopes to drown his conscious.

"I wanna smoke." Jefferson said, smiling wistfully. "I really wanna smoke."

"We don't have any weed, Thomas." Madison sighed, "You can't."
"I know." Jefferson sighed, "God, I'd fuck whoever gave me a blunt right now. I'd suck a dick for a blunt. I'd happily eat some p-"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Madison shifted his weight uncomfortably. His cheeks were a little dark and he looked away, "You really want a blunt."

"Man, fuck zombies." Jefferson groaned, pouring another drink for himself. "If they weren't a thing, I could be high right now."

Alex raised his glass, "Amen to that."

They clinked their glasses together and downed their drinks. It was getting easier, the drunker they got. Alex frowned in thought as he turned to Jefferson, "Where… where does weed grow?"

"In a pot!" Jefferson snorted, laughing at his own joke. Madison groaned from across the room. Alex rolled his eyes and shook his head. Jefferson eventually responded with, "All over the fuckin place. People've grown it up in the mountains, and there's these huge fields of it in Mexico." He turned to Madison, shaking his head, "That's where we shoulda' gone. Fuck Canada, we shoulda' just gotten real high in Mexico until we died."

Madison rolled his eyes, "No, Thomas."

"You never let me have any fun." Jefferson pouted, but he was unable to keep the smile off his face. Alex didn't listen to the rest of their conversation, he was already lost in thought. His mind was pleasantly buzzed, and he hummed to himself as he closed his eyes and relaxed.

With each shot they got more and more drunk. Alex, at one point, went into the bathroom and took off his bra. He stared at himself in the mirror for a long time, squinting at his reflection.

He was gross. He wasn't going to deny that. His hair was too long and so greasy he looks like he bathed in McDonald's fries. His scalp itches in the way that starts to get uncomfortable; like a bug was digging into his skin. His breath stinks and his teeth felt grainy. He scratched at his front teeth with his nail, trying to get rid of some of the plaque there. And he had body hair everywhere. Even when he started actively dressing more masculine, he never really enjoyed body hair too much. Leg hair was fine, but anything else kinda grossed him out. Now, it was all over him. He was starting to feel like a monkey. He knew he reeked of B.O. but there wasn't a whole lot he could do about any of this. It was the way the world was now. People were gross.

Curious, Alex turned to the shower that was in the bathroom. He held his breath and turned the shower handle, hoping that water would come out of the faucet. No such luck. Alex sighed, he really should get used to disappointment.

He wondered back into the main room, leaning heavily against the wall until he plopped down on the couch next to Jefferson. The man grinned at him, leaned forward and whispered, "I'm drunk."

The immigrant could feel Jefferson's hot breath against his cheek. He could smell the alcohol on his breath. Alex's heart skipped a beat and his cheeks turned a bit pinker. He leaned a way a little, nervous about what he'd do if he didn't distance himself.

Alex snorted and reached for his cup, "Guess I should catch up, then, huh?"

Jefferson giggled and rested his head on Alex's shoulder, chattering away about something that Alex wasn't really paying attention to. He took a drink and found his arm on the back of the couch, innocently resting on Jefferson's shoulders. He didn't know when it got there, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to move it. Jefferson, who at the beginning of the night was a respectable distance away from him, was now pressed up against his side while they lazily talked. Alex didn't mind that, either.

"We should restart the world." Alex gasped, patting Jefferson's knee to get his attention. "But not in a bad genocide way. Like in uh - a healing way. Like rebuilding."

Jefferson looked up at him, blinking slowly. He took a second to reply, his mind dulled by the alcohol. "Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Alex grinned, "We can be the new government. But this time, we'll do it right."

"Yeah!" Jefferson nodded, "No corruption! No shitty politics!"

"Yeah!" Alex cheered.

Madison snorted and rolled his eyes, "God, you guys are drunk."

He was ignored. Jefferson was leaning on Alex's shoulder as he slurred, "We should use a trade n' barrer system. Money's jus' paper. We not need no paper." Alex hummed in agreement, resting his cheek against the top of Jefferson's head. He closed his eyes, taking deep, sleepy breaths through his nose. Jefferson mumbled, "Errythin' will be equal. An' we'll be the kings."

Alex rolled his head, his voice a strange half-whine, half-laugh, "Noooo."

"No?" Jefferson sounded confused. He turned to look at Alex, pressing his forehead against the other man's cheek. "Why no?

"No kings. That's a … a social class." Alex said, his eyes crossing a little. "There's gotta be no classes."

Jefferson started laughing a little, the alcohol in his system making him a little giggley, "But we're gonna make it. If it's our idea, then, then we should… we should be the kings."

Alex gasped and pulled away from Jefferson, making the other man loose his balance; he scrambled to catch himself, looking up at Alex. The immigrant put his hand on his chest and stared down at Jefferson accusingly, "No! Are you even communist!?"

Jefferson blinked slowly, he replied, "I'm an atheist."

"Thomas, you're embarrassing yourself." Madison said from across the room. Jefferson turned around and looked at Madison. He squinted at the other man until his drunken mind figure out who he was. Once he realized it was his friend, Jefferson grinned wildly and crawled over to the other man. He rested his head in Madison's lap, closed his eyes, and hummed happily.

Jefferson's voice slurred as he mumbled, "I love you so much."

"No." Alex replied, without thinking, "It is I, that loves you so much."

Jefferson buried his face in Madison's lap and laughed. He looked up, grinning, "Tha's wha' the heteros said."

Alex could hear the laughter in Madison's voice as he said, "Are you tired? You should go to sleep."

"With you." Jefferson replied, his smile falling a little, "Dun' wanna be 'lone."

"Alright." Madison said after a moment. He looked over to Alex, who was frowning at his empty glass. "Alexander, it's bedtime. Come help me get Thomas to bed, please."

So Alex stood up on wobbly legs and walked over to Jefferson and Madison. He helped the drunk man stand up and led him over to the ladder. Jefferson whined at the sight of it.

"Jeeeeemmmmyyyy!" Jefferson complained, "Don't like climbingggg!"

"Just go." Madison swatted at Jefferson until the drunk man slowly started to climb up the ladder.

They watched until Jefferson disappeared over the edge; they could hear the rustling of fabric as he no-doubt climbed into bed. Madison sighed and turned to Alex, "Alright, your turn. Upstairs."

Alex squinted at Madison, his drunken mind slowly figuring out what he wanted to say. "Hey." He poked Madison in the chest, trying his best to look intimidating. "I know Jeff- Jefferson is all buddy buddy with you now. But-" he hiccuped, "but I'm not! What you did wasn't cool and some booze and a fancy cabin won't - it won't fix that."

Madison nodded to himself, glancing away. He spoke quietly, so as not to alert Jefferson of the conversation, "I know. I know it was wrong, and I am sorry about telling him. But … it had to happen, Alex. Both of you, keeping such big secrets, it was a liability."

"Then you could've told me to do it. I woulda told him, if you just gave me a good reason to." Alex said, his voice getting emotional.

"Alexander, you're drunk. We can talk about this tomorrow." Madison said, carefully coaxing him towards the ladder. "It's in the past now, there's nothing we can do to change it."

Alex frowned at him, wanting to push the other man, but refraining to because he kinda forgot how to do that. Instead, he just pointed at him again and declared, "You're a dummy and a jerk."

"That's nice, Hamilton."

"Hey!" They looked up to see Jefferson staring at them from over the edge of the loft. "Hold my leg."

Madison had very little time to prepare for the prosthetic that was practically thrown at him. He caught it, though, and growled in frustration. "Thomas! Don't break this!"

He didn't get a reply, as the man had already crawled away from the edge. Alex, still fairly drunk, stared at the prosthetic for a long while, fascinated by it. He reached out to touch it, but Madison wisely pulled it out of his reach.

"Your turn. Upstairs, go." Madison instructed. Alex squinted at him but turned and started to climb up the ladder. He wobbled a little, but he was sure he wouldn't fall. The ground was slanted, to his drunk mind, and he leaned in the other direction to counteract it.

His head popped up over the side of the loft to see Jefferson already curled up under the blankets. He took the left side of the bed, and his eyes were already closed. Alex crawled as quietly as he could to the right side of the bed. He sighed happily as he snuggled under the blankets. His spine practically sung as he laid down on the soft mattress. He closed his eyes, until he felt something poke him. He looked up to see Jefferson staring at him.

"Hey." Jefferson whispered. "Where's Jemmy?"

"Dunno." Alex whispered back.

"...Downstairs?" Jefferson asked. Alex nodded silently. He watched as Jefferson hesitated, a deep frown pulling at his lips. The drunk man sniffled a little and clumsily wiped at his face.

Alex felt a bit like he was watching a movie, like he wasn't fully a part of the scene. The world around him seemed a little foggy, but not necessarily in a bad way. He heard himself ask, "Was' wrong?"

"Don't wanna be alone." Jefferson replied.

"I'm here." Alex said, his eyes never leaving the other man's face. Jefferson studied him, his frown never leaving. He reached out his arm, and his fingers just barely touched the tip of Alex's nose.

Alex watched as Jefferson shook his head and dropped his arm. "Too far."

Deep in Alex's mind, he remembered something that Madison had told him; about Jefferson and physical touch. How he desperately needed it. He was sure that the need would only increase when the man was drunk. It made sense to Alex, then, that it was his civic duty to touch Thomas Jefferson.

Alex wiggled across the bed until he was pressed right up next to Jefferson. Then, he picked up the other man's arm and moved himself even closer, placing the arm back down over his side. The arm understood the situation faster than Jefferson did; because it tightened it's hold around Alex, as the other man let out a quiet, "Oh."

Once he understood he was being given permission to cuddle, Jefferson sighed happily and wrapped his arms tight around Alex's shoulders. Alex tucked his head under Jefferson's chin and slid his arms around Jefferson's waist. He yawned and his eyes fluttered closed almost instantly.

He hasn't felt so warm; so safe and protected ever in his life. After everything they've been through; everything he'd seen and felt; he really needed this. It was comforting, nice. Alex slept peacefully for the first time in two months.

"Hey, Al, I'm headed over to a friend's, I'll be back late, so don't wait up." John said in a rush as he put his coat on. Alex was immediately suspicious. He stood up from the couch and jumped in front of John; crossing his arms.

He stared at John's anxious expression, frowning, "Which friend?"

"Oh, just someone from class." John said evasively.

"Which class?" Alex asked.

John squirmed, clearly trying to come up with a good lie. "Okay, fine, it's Herc."

Alex groaned, throwing his hands in the air, "Jack!"

"I know, I know, but listen, it's almost like a real date this time." John said, fiddling with his sleeve, "We're gonna get something to eat before we..." He trailed off and looked away, running a hand through his hair.

"John…" Alex sighed, "Hey, it's okay."
"Why are you so anti-Herc? Why can't I just … have this?" John asked, sounding drained. "It's- it's not like I'm gonna marry this guy or whatever. I just want to hang out with him! I don't care if we're just friends-with-benefits or whatever we are…"

"You don't even know what you are." Alex mumbled, he shook his head, "I just want you to be safe. After last year, with Seabury-"

"Herc isn't like Sam." John said, taking a step away, "He's different. He's- he's good."
Alex reached out for John, but the man took a step away. Alex wrapped his arms around himself, feeling guilty about bringing the subject up. He said quietly, but firmly, "You thought Seabury was good, too. Am I going to see you with bruises in a few weeks? Because Herc is so good to you?"

John closed his eyes and said quietly, "It's not like that…"

"Does he know anything about you?" Alex asked, clearly trying to prove a point. "Your major? Your favorite movie? Your last name? Does he know that your a vegetarian?"

John shifted his weight nervously, "I'll tell him tonight, when we go to eat."

"John, that's the very first thing I learned about you. It's a pretty big detail." Alex raised an eyebrow. "Has he even bothered to ask you questions like that? Does he even want to get to know you?"

John's voice was unsure as he looked away, "I'm sure he was going to at some point…"

"You're a sex toy to him!" Alex shouted, "That's all he'll ever see you as if you don't fucking talk to him about how you feel!"

John raised his voice, "Fuck off- just fuck off! Like you know any better! You've never dated anyone in your pathetic little life so don't come in here acting like the king of romance!"

"I'd rather be alone than trapped in a relationship I hated." Alex said.

"But I don't hate it!" John's hands were shaking, his eyes wide, "I don't hate Herc, I'm okay with our situation right now! He's not like Sam, he's nice, damn it! And if you'd just try to get to know him instead of just being intimidated by how he looks-"

Alex rolled his eyes and stepped away. "Fine. Fine. Go and have your brains fucked out by some guy that doesn't care about you. Whatever. But if things go south, don't come crawling to me."

John's jaw was clenched tight as he looked away. He stormed out of the apartment, keeping his head down. Alex flinched as the door slammed shut behind him. He sat down on the cough and let out a shaky breath. He could feel tears forming in his eyes; he bit down on the back of his hand to stop himself from sobbing.

How is he supposed to help the people he loves if they don't want to help themselves?

Alex woke up happy for the first time in months. He sighed as he snuggled up against the warm heater next to him. He smiled to himself, keeping his eyes shut for just a moment longer. Right now, he was at peace. He wasn't afraid that a zombie was going to break in and eat his brains. He wasn't scared of people stealing his bus, or holding a gun to his head. He wasn't afraid of anything. He had no worries; all that mattered was that he could just stay safe and warm for another ten minutes.

A hand brushed through his hair gently and Alex couldn't hold back his satisfied sigh. Alex opened his eyes, a little confused, to see that the heater he was snuggled against was a human being. That human being was, apparently, Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson was stroking his hair and holding him close.

"What…?" Alex mumbled, sleepily.

"Sorry." Jefferson muttered, clearing his throat. He started to pull away from Alex, but the smaller man stopped him.

Alex glanced away, his cheeks darkening a little, "No, it's okay. Feels good."

Neither men would look at the other as they both mentally figured out what they were going to do next. The peaceful bubble that had surrounded them had popped, and while Alex wasn't on edge just yet, he certainly wasn't at ease any more.

"Oh, good." Madison said, climbing up the ladder to talk to them. "Y'all're awake. C'mon, we need to get moving."

"Can't we just stay here?" Alex asked, trying not to whine, "Forever?"

Madison shook his head, "Unfortunately not. We've already eaten all the food, and there's no water. We could stay here a little longer, but the longer we do stay, the colder it's going to get. There's already frost outside on the grass. We need to keep moving until we find a more permanent place."

Alex shook his head, "Isn't that just more of a reason for us to stay? There's no guarantee that we're going to find a place that'll protect us from the cold. What about when it starts to snow? We can just stay here all winter and-"

"The longer we stay in one spot, the more likely we'll be found." Madison interrupted him, his voice harsh, "We keep moving."

"You're being stupid!" Alex raised his voice, "The cold'll kill you before the zombies will! Winter is coming and you want to move north? To Canada?! When we don't even have a car? How does that make sense? We should stay here until the spring!"

"Great idea! And then, instead of hypothermia killing us all off, it'll be our own starvation!" Madison snapped, "We keep moving."

"But-"

"No, Hamilton!"

Alexander huffed and turned to look at Jefferson, "Well?"

Jefferson shifted uncomfortably, his gaze shifting between the two men. He scratched at his neck as he said quietly, "James is right… We should get going."

He really shouldn't be surprised. Of course Jefferson would take Madison's side. Of course he'd let their friendship blind him to the reality at hand. Of course Alex had no say.

"Not to," Jefferson cleared his throat, "Not to piss you off even more, but, uh, can you get out of bed first? Like, go downstairs?"

"Why?" Alex almost growled, his irritation rising.

Jefferson shifted awkwardly on the bed, his gaze darting over to the prosthetic leg that Madison no doubt brought up once they were asleep. "I have to, um…"

And, yes, Alex is mad. But he's not a total dick. So he gripes and grumbles to himself as he climbs out of bed and down the ladder, giving Jefferson the privacy to put his leg back on.

Alex glared at Madison while the other man was busy packing up all there stuff. He was obviously stealing things from the cabin, taking whatever he deemed necessary. Alex sulked in the corner while Madison opened a closet that he hadn't seen previously.

"Oh, look at this." Madison said, pulling a hunting rifle from the closet, "Protection."

"We can use that to hunt for food and stay here during the winter." Alex said.

Madison shrugged, "Or to kill any zombies that try to eat our brains, but sure, your idea is cute."

Alex ground his teeth together,trying hard to hold back his temper. Madison wasn't making it easy, however. He was still pissed that the man outed him, and now the southerner was walking on thin ice. He wasn't afraid to start a fight with the other man.

Jefferson joined them a moment later, avoiding all eye contact. Alex muttered angrily in French, but neither men paid him any attention.

"Tu es stupide et imprudent." Alex grumbled, "Et tu vas nous tuer."

The dirt road that led up to the cabin seemed to last forever. Alex sulked behind the group as they walked, dragging his feet unnecessarily. He couldn't stay in the cabin without them. The thought didn't even cross his mind. Wherever they went, he would follow. Even if he thought it was bullshit.

Jefferson was the one in charge of holding the rifle. He had it slung over his shoulder, along with his backpack. The air was still, and, despite it being late into the morning, no birds chirped. Strangely enough, the only sound was of their soft footsteps on the hard dirt. Alex had the strangest feeling that something was standing right behind him, at all times, breathing down his neck. He glanced over his shoulder with almost every other step, anxious about what might be following them.

The sun was high in the sky and Alex's feet were killing him. He didn't complain, though, because he was sure Jefferson had it worse. He glanced at the man, observing the way he walked. It wasn't so unusual that someone would notice it automatically, but since Alex was looking for it, he could see the slight limp; the irregularity in how he swung his leg.

And then, Alex remembered last night. How he slept in the same bed as Jefferson. How he was - his cheeks darkened and he was mighty glad he was behind the other two and out of sight - pressed up against the other man. He didn't even notice the missing limb, then. Although, he was drunk, and he was on Jefferson's right side, but still. And speaking of which, should Alex feel weird about cuddling with Jefferson? He really didn't mind it at the time. And even when they woke up, he wasn't super embarrassed or anything. Jefferson didn't seem weirded out by it. They didn't do anything inappropriate. So, maybe, it was fine. Jefferson just wanted to hold someone, and to be held; Madison wasn't available, so that just left Alexander. There's nothing wrong with that.

All these thoughts were giving Alex a headache. Or maybe that was the hangover and dehydration. Either way. He decided he wasn't going to ponder it any more.

At some point, they took a short break. Alex stretched his arms over his head and groaned at the pull of his muscles. He wanted nothing more than to turn around, march back to that cabin, and curl up in bed for the rest of his short, miserable life. But they had walked for so long that Alex wasn't even sure he knew where the cabin would be anymore.

Jefferson set down his bag and the rifle. "Gotta take a piss."

Alex watched as the other man walked into the woods off the side of the dirt road and disappeared. He turned and picked up the rifle, slinging it over his shoulder. Madison raised an eyebrow at him, but Alex wasn't going to explain himself to him.

He just thought that the other man was carrying too much. Anything to make things a bit easier for the southerner. Besides, Alex like the weight on his shoulder; it made him feel more secure. There was also the voice in the back of his head that told him he needed to carry his weight on the team, lest the other two decide to drop him off at the nearest ditch. With how quickly they disregarded his ideas, his insecurities made sense; at least, to him, they did.

Jefferson returned not too much longer and they set out walking once more. He glanced at rifle on Alex's shoulder and simply shrugged, teasing, "Don't choke."

Alex chuckled and bumped his shoulder against Jefferson's, "Don't worry, I've had plenty of practice in that front."

He winked and snickered at Jefferson's rapidly darkening cheeks. In front of them, the dirt road turned and twisted into the woods at a sharp angle that really wouldn't be safe for cars driving fast. Madison slowed to a stop a few feet ahead of them. He peered into the woods carefully.

"JemmyJames?" Jefferson called, his own steps pausing for a moment. There was, perhaps, eight feet between them, so Jefferson raised his voice just enough to be heard, "What's up?"

James turned and looked at them, his expression thoughtful, "Nothing. I just thought I heard something."

Jefferson opened his mouth to make a joke, but the noise died in his throat as a messy, bloody creature jumped out of the bushes and sunk it's teeth deep into Madison's bicep. Alex's heart stopped as the creature let out a deep growl; Madison's blood seeping out of it's mouth and dripping on the ground.

"No-" Jefferson choked, running forward, "No!"

Madison's eyes were wide as he slowly looked down at his arm where the zombie still hung from. He gasped in shock and pain, yanking his arm out of the monster's grasp. Alex saw a chunk of Madison's flesh and muscle fly away from the force. Madison stumbled backwards, holding his arm close to his chest. His breathing was uneven and he was making pained noises as his body went into shock.

Alex stood there, unable to get his body to move, as Jefferson stabbed the zombie with his knife - it slumped over without a fight. The gun was in Alex's hands. Alex should've seen the zombie coming, should've shot it before this happened, should've shot it after, should've done something, nothing came to mind, nothing but pure, unadulterated panic.

Jefferson caught Madison and slowly helped him down to the ground. Alex felt himself shuffle closer without his mind's consent. It didn't feel real - like he'd blink and this was all a bad day dream.

Madison was pressing down on his arm; which was bleeding so much Alex couldn't tell what color his shirt sleeve originally was. He closed his eyes and his body swayed; the pain and shock making him dizzy. Alex couldn't hear what Madison said next, but Jefferson tightened his grip on his friend's shoulders.

"James, I can't." Jefferson refused.

"You have to." Madison said, his voice scratchy. "I was bit. I'm going to change. You have to."

"Don't make me do this!" Jefferson whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks, "Don't - I can't do this again. Not again, I- I can't lose another person I love."

Madison's eyes were taking longer and longer to open between blinks. He brought a shaky hand up to Jefferson's cheek and winced, "T-Thomas, you- you gotta kill me. I can't- I- I won't be able to stop myself, when I-"

"Shh. No, no." Jefferson brushed back Madison's hair, trying to steady his own breathing, "I-I don't want to shoot you."
Madison's lips quirked upwards in just the tiniest fraction of a smile, "Sure you do. I'm annoying enough… Just close your eyes, and think about all the shit I put you through, and… and be brave."

Alex flinched as Madison let out a gross cough. Jefferson shook head, unable to pull away from his friend as he was gasping and hacking for breath. From over Jefferson's shoulder, Alex could see Madison's eyes growing red and his pupils dilating. The smaller man was sweating buckets as his muscles flinched and spazzed uncontrollably. He made intense grunting noises between labored breaths, and that's when Alex knew that they didn't have much time left.

"Uh, Jefferson, we should-" Alex shifted awkwardly, his anxieties rising each second.

"Don't- don't make me do this!" Jefferson repeated, his hands holding Madison's head still so he could try and look into his eyes. "Fight it, you can fight it, James. Please, you have to."

Madison gave a weak smile, even as a drop of blood started to spill past his lips, "Don't work like that, Tommy."

Before Jefferson could respond, Madison choked on his own blood and saliva, he closed his eyes and let out a low groan. Alex scrambled to pick up the hunting rifle, his fingers shook as he reloaded it, cocking the barrel.

"Bite me." The words were so quiet, Alex almost missed them. He froze and looked down at Jefferson, who was shoving his wrist into Madison's mouth. Madison tried to keep his lips shut, squirming desperately away from the other man's tight grasp, but it was no use. Jefferson grabbed onto Madison's jaw with his other hand while still pressing his past Madison's lips. Jefferson was sobbing now, his voice broken and pained as he shouted, "Bite me! Bite me you son of a bitch!"

"Hey! Whoa! No no no no!" Alex frantically grabbed onto Jefferson's arms, pulling with all his might to get the man away from their dying friend. He couldn't let Jefferson do this - if Jefferson became a zombie, too, then Alex would be all alone. The thought terrified him more than he liked to admit. Jefferson fell back on his butt, Alex's fingers still dug into his shirt. Jefferson twisted around, angry tears still in his eyes.

"Stop! Stop it!" Jefferson shouted, pushing Alex away, "Let me do this!"

"No, you stop!" Alex shouted back, his own eyes watering. He was shaking too much to do anything other than sit back and watch as the anger grew in Jefferson's eyes. "You- you can't die! This isn't right! James wouldn't want this!"

"I don't care!" Jefferson growled, "I can't do this without him!"

James made a deep noise from behind them, Alex gasped and reached for the gun that he had dropped in his scramble to stop Jefferson. Alex looked up just in time to see James slink forward on unstable legs, his head rolled to the side, blood pouring from the bite mark on his arm. His mouth hung open slightly, pink drool sliding down his chin as he stared down at them with hungry eyes. Alex felt himself jerk backwards, his eyes snapping shut.

BANG! BANG!

For a split, horrifying moment, Alex thought that he had shot Thomas Jefferson. His mind had short-circuited and it took him perhaps a moment too long to realize what had just happened. The rifle was no longer in his hands; Jefferson had ripped it out of his grip and done the job himself.

Once again, James dropped to the floor. Only this time, he wouldn't be getting back up. Alex stared in horror at the limp body before them, still warm. Alex swallowed hard, his hands reaching up to cover his mouth. He closed his eyes, but that didn't stop the images flashing in his mind.

Alex pulled his knees up to his chest; wrapping his arms around his knees. He peeked out from his hiding spot and watched with silent tears as Jefferson slowly set the rifle back down. He crawled carefully up to the body. He wrapped his arms around James' shoulders and pulled the dead man up to his chest. Alex blinked hard, biting down on his hand as Jefferson gently brushed the blood and tears off James' cheek. All of Jefferson's movements were stunted, almost jerky, as he was no doubt trying to function with no engine.

Time seemed to slow as the sharp wind cut though the road; blowing Alex's hair and freezing his skin. Alex flinched hard at the sudden deep wail that escaped Jefferson's lips. It was a kind of pain he had never heard before; not even when he was in the hurricane in Nevis. He sat there, like a stone, trying to absorb the unimaginable.

It can't be real. It can't be. James was the one who was supposed to survive this. He was the smart one; the safe one; the one who always had a plan. He wasn't damaged or irrational or impulsive like Alex and Jefferson. He was supposed to be the winner of this shitty game they've been thrown into. How could this have happened? It should've been him. He should've been the one to get bit; get shot. It should be his dead body laying on the cold, dirty ground. He failed at even this simple task.

All at once, the world fell into silence, and Alex didn't know how to turn the volume back on.

Tell me what you think!