Alex woke up to Chien barking. He sat up instantly, his heart in his throat as he prepared to fight for his life. In his slumber, he had forgotten about their new buddy, and was startled nearly to death at the sound of her.

"Shh, god, what's wrong, Chien?" Alex asked, petting the dog. She was standing on the bed, and when she noticed Alex was awake, she climbed over to stand over him and keep barking. "Shut up, Jesus."

The dog jumped off the bed and whined. Alex slowly crawled out of bed and looked over to Thomas' still sleeping form. How he managed to stay asleep through that is a miracle. The other man was curled away from him, like he hadn't moved at all during the night. Alex took a second to watch him, his heart sinking a little at the sight. He could only imagine how upset the man was.

Chien trotted out the room and barked until Alex followed her. He was led to the little bowl that they had set on the ground for Chien. It was licked clean by a demanding consumer. Alex sighed, rubbing his eyes, and poured some more dog food into the bowl. For a second, he thought about just dropping the bag of dog food onto the floor and letting Chien go at it. But then he realized that the animal would eat everything now, since she has no concept of rationing. He made sure to leave the bag out of reach of the dog.

He sat and watched Chien eat as he sipped nibbled on stale saltines. He closed his eyes for a minute and imagined what this house was like three months ago; alive and lived in. Chien would've been well-fed, and happy. A farming family that rose early and came to bed late; who liked food from scratch, and slow music. He could feel the warm sun on his skin and hear the birds chirp in the distance. He sighed softly, wishing that he could go back to that time; where things were better.

After Chien finished eating, the sun was high in the sky, and Alex decided that they'd better get a move on, unless they planned to stay here for forever. He slowly made his way back to the bedroom, curious as to what was taking Thomas so long to wake. He was usually one of the first ones up, his nightmares kept him awake most nights.

"Thomas?" Alex called softly, standing in the doorway. Chien walked past him, her tail wagging. She jumped up on the bed and sat down, panting. Thomas didn't move. "Thomas? It's time to get up."

Alex crept closer, making his way around the bed until he was able to look down at the other man. He frowned a little bit when he noticed that Thomas was very much awake. His eyes were open and he was staring at the wall in front of him. Alex knelt down in front of him so they were at eye-level. He let out a soft sigh as Thomas didn't even seem to see him.

"Thomas…? Can you sit up for me? We need to get moving soon." Alex said, his voice imploring.

Thomas blinked, and Alex could see a tear slowly roll down his cheek. The man had been crying, if the clear tear streaks were anything to go by. Alex reached up hesitantly, unsure if his touch would be wanted, and brushed away the moisture there.

"Shh, it's going to be alright." Alex whispered, "I know it's hard. But you're strong, you'll be okay."

Alex wanted to cheer when Thomas' gaze refocused and he glanced up to stare into his eyes, instead of at the chipping paint. Thomas let out a long, deep sigh, and Alex could only mimic him. Despite having just woken up, the man looked so tired. Alex wanted nothing more than to curl up with him and stay in bed until starvation or a zombie ended them. But he couldn't, because James wouldn't've wanted that.

"Can you sit up?" Alex asked again.

Thomas shifted, closing his eyes and forcing his arms under him. Alex watched as the man slowly sat up, his head hung low. Alex was now looking up at him, leaning forward a bit so that he could make eye contact with the other man.

"Good." He praised, reaching up to rub Thomas' thighs comfortingly. He halted, however, before he could really touch the other man, due to the fact that Thomas wasn't wearing his prosthetic. As soon as he realized it, he tore his gaze away. Was it rude to stare? He didn't know. He didn't want to make Thomas feel any worse. Alex instantly felt awkward, pulling his hands close to his chest so there'd be no accidental touching. "Uh- do you need help putting on your…?"

Thomas stared at him, blinking slowly. After a moment's pause, he shook his head, back and forth, minutely. Alex swallowed and nodded, feeling his ears turn red.

"Right, okay." Alex said, "I'll, um, be waiting in the kitchen? If you're not down in twenty minutes or so, I'm going to come back and check on you, so, uh, yeah. I'll see you in a bit." Alex fumbled, scrambling away. He left the room, closing the door behind him. He took a deep breath and tried to steady his beating heart. Why was he so awkward around Thomas all of a sudden? Yeah, he didn't really know how to act about the leg thing; but, surely, that wouldn't make him this nervous. Would it?

Alex shook his head and forced himself not to think about it. He sat back down in the kitchen, and after a few minutes of waiting, he realized that he didn't actually know what time it was. In fact, he had no real way of measuring time. Thomas could've already been there for twenty minutes, he had no idea. He didn't have a watch. He watched the clouds outside the window and decided he'd wait until he grew impatient. But he knew he wasn't very good at patience; so he told himself he'd wait a little longer after that.

The tap tap tap of Chien's paws were the only warning Alex had that Thomas was entering the room. The man's own footsteps were near silent.

"Eat some saltines." Alex said, pushing the half-full package of stale crackers over. "It's not much, but…"

Thomas did not eat the saltines. Thomas didn't do anything except walk past him to look out the window. He stood there in silence, his gaze distant. Alex chewed his lip, wondering how to best move forward. Thomas needed to eat, but he didn't want to force the other man. Especially not when he couldn't verbally defend himself. Alex knew how that felt, and he didn't want to purposefully corner the other man. Sighing to himself, Alex decided that he'd wait, and convince Thomas to eat later today.

"North is that way, if you still want to go to Canada…" Alex said, moving to stand beside Thomas. As expected, he got no response. Thomas looked down at him and then turned, walking away from the window. Alex watched as he packed their small amount of stuff into their bags, including the dog food, and put them on his back. He reached down to pet Chien and then walked towards the front door. Alex scrambled to grab his bag and follow after him.

A voice deep in Alex's mind whispered about following behind Thomas like a lost puppy, but he - strangely - didn't feel too upset about the idea.

As soon as they were outside, Chien started ran off down the road. She turned around, ran back to them, and then down the road again; barking all the while. Alex and Thomas glanced at each other, shrugged, and walked after the dog. She led them towards the barn, barking and jumping around in excitement.

She slipped between the open barn doors, leaving Alex and Thomas to climb in after her. Thomas stepped into the barn first, raising his rifle, just in case. Alex shuffled in next, glancing behind them as they went.

The barn had no windows, but a part of the ceiling was cracked, so enough light shone through to see by. Alex peered into the darkness to see Chien, standing a few feet ahead of them, wagging her tail happily. She was looking up at something, but Alex couldn't tell what.

Thomas let out a soft gasp, and Alex turned to look at him. "What is it?"

Thomas was grinning, a smile that surprised Alex, given the man's earlier gloom mood. Thomas handed the rifle to Alex and walked towards Chien, holding his hands out. Alex frowned, still confused, and moved forward, trying to get a better look.

Something whined loudly, and Alex recognized the noise. "A horse?"

Thomas nodded, his hands on the horse's face, brushing it's short hair. He was still smiling, and Alex felt himself relaxing.

"Darlin', did you know we were gonna travel?" Thomas hummed. His voice seemed different, quiet and unsure, even though it was clearly pleased. He looked down at Chien, who barked wildly. "Yes, you didn't want us to walk, did ya? Introduced us to your friend?"

Alex watched as Thomas opened the horse's gate just enough to step inside the stall with it. He stepped closer to see Thomas put the saddle and reigns onto the horse. Alex shifted nervously, "I've never ridden a horse before."

Thomas glanced at him as he led the horse out into the main part of the barn. He shrugged, mumbling, "S'not hard."

Alex wondered how Thomas could be so warm and joyous when speaking to animals, but closed off and quiet when speaking to him. He tried to not let it bother him. He failed.

He needs time. He told himself. He needs time.

Thomas tugged on the horse's reigns enough so the animal ducked its head. Thomas pointed at his leg, "Do you see this? This isn't human. Here, smell it. It smells weird, right? All complex and metal? Yeah. That means you gotta be careful with me, okay? I can't fall off horses like I used to."

Alex smiled as Thomas spoke to the horse. He guessed he didn't mind being in the background for a while, which was really strange for him, but for Thomas, it weirdly didn't bother him. He let out a soft sigh and covered his smile with his hand as Thomas patted the horse's head.

"You're a good one, ain't ya? Y'all're calm, I can tell. You won't be no trouble." Thomas praised the horse.

God, he's adorable. Alex thought. His smile suddenly dropped off his face. Wait. Adorable? No. No no no no. Thomas wasn't adorable. Thomas was hot or sexy or attractive. He wasn't adorable. Because adorable, to Alex at least, was an adjective for someone's personality, while the rest of the ones he listed were purely physical. That's all his little attraction to Thomas was supposed to be: physical. Eye candy. That's all Thomas was. He wasn't supposed to start to like Thomas for his personality. He wasn't supposed to be adorable, no siree, not at all.

Why would Alex think that? It must've been an intrusive thought; something he couldn't control. He didn't really think that, right? He was just hungry and dehydrated and tired, that's all. His mind wasn't working right.

Alex looked up at saw Thomas smile, and his face instantly flushed red. Oh shit. It hit him, he knew what the electricity in his chest meant. He was very familiar with the gentle waves in his stomach. He knew what it was.

Alexander Hamilton had a crush.

A crush?! A fucking crush!? What was he, thirteen? God, how did it come to this?!

He stared down at his boots, his lips pressed together. He knew his face was red as he rushed through this realization. He had a crush on Thomas Jefferson. When did this start to happen? It wasn't when they first met, on that rooftop. No, he'd only thought the guy was hot, then. What about when they sang and danced together? Did Alex have a crush on him then? He didn't know! He couldn't remember! If he did have a crush, he wasn't aware of it. But now he was very very aware of the fact.

An image rushed to his mind of him and Thomas holding hands, such a simple, innocent act, and he thought he was going to choke on air. How the hell was he going to properly function around Thomas now? John used to love to joke about how Alex became a blushing schoolboy around his crushes. He was a mess and he was always so obvious about it, too. Thomas would figure out his feelings in an instant.

He felt - happy? Nervous beyond belief? Terrified? He couldn't even tell what emotions were rattling around his chest. He swallowed hard and shifted his weight anxiously. His hand reached up to fiddle with his rosary - the rosary Thomas gave him. He glanced up at Thomas, who was now hooking up some kind of wagon to the horse. Suddenly, he was struck with the thought - would he ever even like me?

When Alex was much younger, before he realized he was trans, he spent a lot of time wondering if he was pretty. He knew he wasn't. He knew he wasn't a cute child; no one would ever fall in love with him. Then he went through puberty, and he got a little more attractive, but it didn't help his self-confidence at all. Then he started transitioning and went through puberty again, and only then did he look in the mirror and think himself as handsome. Now, as he watches Thomas, he feels like that child again; well aware of how ugly he was in comparison to his peers.

"Are you ready?"

Alex looked up to see Thomas watching him. He froze, his mind going blank. He stared into Thomas' eyes, and all he could do was mentally scream at himself, LOOK AT HOW GORGEOUS HE IS! HE'S SUCH AN AMAZING PERSON! PROTECT AT ALL COSTS! AAAAAHHH!

Alex's face grew a dark red and he resisted the urge to squirm. He tore his gaze away and muttered intelligently, "Um."

Thomas smiled, walking over to him, "Don't be scared. It won't hurt you."

"Uh-" Alex's eyes widened the closer Thomas got. "I-"

"Here, I'll help you up." Thomas said, gently pulling Alex next to the horse. Alex couldn't find any words to say as Thomas instructed him on where to put his foot and how to hoist himself up onto the horse's back. Alex properly got on the saddle, with minimum help, thank you very much. Thomas stayed on the ground, he grabbed all of their supply bags and plonked them onto the wagon behind the horse. "Is this too much, darlin?"

"M' fine." Alex mumbled to himself, unable to turn and look at Thomas. His face was burning, but it appeared as though he didn't speak loud enough; Thomas didn't respond to him.

Once again, the man was speaking to an animal and not Alex. Thomas walked up to stand in the horse's line of sight and continued speaking, "Is it too much weight? Don't worry, we won't go fast. You can just trot along, alright?"

The horse snorted loudly, and Thomas seemed to take that as an affirmative. He grabbed the horse's reigns and walked forward, slowly leading them to the barn doors. He opened the doors wide enough to fit the wagon through, and then walked back up to Alex.

"You doing okay?" He asked.

"Me or the horse?" Alex responded. He wasn't going to keep making this mistake.

Thomas' lips quirked up a little and he said, "You."

Alex shifted a little bit, nervous not to lose his balance. "Um. It's strange. I don't really like not having my feet on the ground. And it's weird to suddenly be so tall - don't smile like that, I'm serious." Alex grumbled.

"Are you scared?" Thomas asked. He wasn't mocking; his tone was concerned. It comforted Alex enough to be able to tell the truth. He fiddled with his rosary and mumbled, "Yeah? Kinda?"

Thomas paused for a second, watching him. Then he pressed a hand to Alex's lower back, saying, "Here, scoot forward."

Alex did as he was told and twisted a little to watch Thomas. "What are you-" He stopped talking once he realized what was happening. Thomas slowly pulled himself up and swung his good leg around until he was sitting on the saddle with Alex. There wasn't exactly a whole lot of space on the saddle for the both of them, and so that meant that they ended up being pressed close together; Alex practically in Thomas' lap.

"Now you won't fall." Thomas said, his voice right by Alex's ear, "I'll catch you."

Alex let out a soft squeak, and nodded mutely. He didn't know what to do anymore. Because Thomas's chest was pressed against his back; warm and comforting. And Alex liked Thomas now. How the fuck was he going to survive this?

"I got this," Thomas said, taking the reins from Alex's hands, "This is a vehicle I don't mind driving."

That was all fine and dandy, except for the fact that this now meant that Thomas had his arms under Alex's, pressed against his sides, almost like a hug. Alex didn't know where to put his hands, awkwardly keeping them close to his chest.

Thomas nudged the horse a little with his foot and suddenly they were moving forward. Alex wasn't expecting the movement; he hissed out a breath and grabbed Thomas' wrists without thinking. Thomas chuckled a little and Alex could feel the rumble of his chest on his back.

"Don't worry; I got ya." Thomas murmured. Then he voice was slightly further away, he turned to look down at the dog that had been watching them, "Chien, you coming?"

The dog barked and ran around them in a large circle, not spooking the horse in the slightest. The bigger animal was clearly used to her. Briefly, Alex wondered if the two were friends. Thomas directed the horse to go down the path that lead north, down the worn roads and out into the wilderness once more. The only sound was of the horse's footsteps; Chien's occasional barking; and the wagon rattling behind them. It was actually … kinda peaceful. Alex felt himself lean back a little and relax into the warm embrace behind him.

It was actually really nice to not have to walk. They just had to sit there and the horse would do all the work for them. The animal must've had a fair supply of hay in it's barn, because it didn't seem nearly as hungry as Chien was. Alex was thankful for that.

Thomas didn't speak much again; they fell into a silence. Alex would say it was comfortable; but he honestly didn't know if it was or not. He was still a little panicked about the fact that he was apparently in like with Thomas and no one informed him of this little fact. He was sure Thomas' silence wasn't the of the relaxed variety, either. He couldn't twist around to look at him - far too risky, definitely would fall and die - but he was sure that the distant look was back in Thomas' eye. Alex could almost feel it in the way the southerner sat ridgedly behind him.

A small fishing hook wrapped itself around Alex's heart and pulled sharply. He frowned and looked down at his hands, curious as to how he could fix this. Deep down, he knew this wasn't something he could just fix. Thomas was going to be sad for a while. That's just how these things work. Nothing he could do would change that.

But that doesn't mean he won't try.

"Do you want to know the story now?" Alex asked softly, his fingers hesitantly tapping on Thomas' wrists to get his attention, "Of how I met my wife?"

Thomas shifted a little behind him and that's how Alex knew he was paying attention. He tightened his grip on the reins; Alex could see the veins in his hands; his fingers curled around the ropes. Alex felt a shiver run down his spine when Thomas' breath brushed across his neck. He spoke in a voice so quiet, Alex almost didn't hear it. "'Kay."

Alex took a deep breath, "You can't laugh. Well, I mean, you can. Eliza laughs about it sometimes. But. Okay. Here we go. It was my sophomore year of college."

It was New Years Eve, and Alex was alone. Normally, that wouldn't bother him. He was never really into the holiday, seeing as how time is a human invention, pointless and inconsistent; and New Year's resolutions are arbitrary. But for whatever reason, this year, Alex wanted to celebrate it.

Maybe it was because it was his first full year in America, and he was doing fantastic at college. Maybe it was because he would soon be turning twenty, a feat he never thought he'd concour. Maybe it was just because he deserved to party, dammit. Regardless of the reasoning, Alex wanted to go out and enjoy his night.

"No, Alex, I won't go clubbing with you." John sighed for the fourth time that afternoon. He was laying down on his bed, scrolling through his phone boredly.

Alex whined and flopped down across John's lap, causing the other man to whimper. "Why not? I thought we were buddies! Amigos! Meilleurs amis!"

John scrubbed his hands over his face, dropping his phone next to him. He groaned and sat up to the best of his ability, "Okay, okay. I wasn't going to tell you until afterwards, but I can't go and party with you tonight because I'm inviting a boy over."

Alex frowned, twisting around to look John in the eye, "A boy? Like, a boy boy?"

"Yeah, a boy boy." John rolled his eyes while smiling like a dork. "A really cute boy boy."

Alex sat up, shifting on John's bed so they were face each other. "What do you mean by 'inviting a boy over'? What kind of boy is this? Is it someone I know? Is this just a one night thing, or something more? Do I have to threaten him? I'm very good at threatening."

John's cheeks darkened, bringing out his freckles. He couldn't make eye contact as he mumbled, "No, you don't have to threaten him. His name's Herc, and he's in my figure drawing class. And, uh, it might just be a one night thing, but I want - I want it to not be?"

Alex paused, he sat back a little and watched his friend, "You're going to be careful, right?"

"Yeah, of course." John said, "Don't worry, it won't be like last time."

"Okay. But if you even think this thing is gonna go south, I wanna know immediately." Alex said, "We don't want you to fall back into that toxic mindset."

"No, yeah, I know." John wouldn't look at him now. He took a small breath and said, "Don't worry. This one's different."

"I'm just lookin out for you." Alex said, holding his hands up in defense.

"I know. Thanks, Alex." John smiled a little.

Alex broke out into a smile and clapped John's back, "I'll admit, I'd rather you come party with me, but hell yeah, John, get some!"

"Shut the fuck up." John mumbled, hiding his red face his hands. Alex could see he was grinning uncontrollably. The tense air had dissipated, and now they were just friends goofing around again.

Alex sat back, still smiling, "Seriously though, I'm proud of you, I know asking guys out isn't your forte."

"Gee, thanks." John deadpanned. Neither of them mentioned the real reason why John had been reluctant to start dating again.

Alex cackled and checked his watch, "When's he coming over?"

"In two hours."

"That gives me just enough time to get ready and skedaddle." Alex said, rolling off John's bed. He winked at him and added, "Unless you'd like to add a little Carribean to your night?"

"Go away, Al."

Alex laughed, leaving John's room. As he got to the door, John's phone rang. He picked it up, and Alex paused to look back at him. John's face was already red as he sputtered, "He-hello? Hey! Hi! Um, yeah, yeah totally. We're definitely still on for tonight! Uh-huh. I'll text you my address. Oh! Uh - wine is fine? I like red. Okay, cool!"

Alex smiled at John's expression. The boy was clutching his phone to his ear with both hands, a wide smile across his face, his eyes alight. His light blush went halfway down his neck, and his knee was bouncing nervously.

He must really like this boy. Alex just hoped it was for all the right reasons.

Not long later, he posed in front of John, showing off his dark jeans and his sleek shirt. John gushed over how hot he looked, confirming that his jacket went with his boots, before they took selfies and Alex grabbed his wallet and left.

The club he ended up at was a gay bar. He didn't decide to go there, it just sort of happened. He didn't mind, though. The flashing lights and unironic Lady Gaga song was exactly the kind of mood he was in. When he saw some drag queens take body shots, he knew he was in for a great night.

He might've spent two, maybe three hours, just grinding on random guys and accepting drinks. He shouted lyrics until his throat hurt and he stumbled over to the bar to get a glass of water. After flirting with the bartender and getting nowhere, Alex took a second to check his phone.

No new messages, but he did have a few twitter notifications. He mindlessly squinted at the small text, taking a bit too long to decipher the words. Oh yeah. He was just a little teeny tiny bit drunk.

Apparently John had posted one of their selfies and tagged him in it. Nice. John was right, he looked good. Although, after three hours of drinking and dancing, he probably looked a wreck. His chest hurt and he knew that if he wasn't drunk, he'd be dying of pain, but that's the price of partying.

A smooth voice startled him out of his revere, "You abandoned me, mon chou."

Alex looked up to see a tall man with dark skin. His curly hair was pulled back into a bun; he was wearing a white shirt that stretched thin against his muscular chest and ripped jeans. Alex took a moment to remember who he was, before he realized that this was one of the men he'd been grinding against all night.

"I'm thirsty." Alex said, smiling apologetically.

"Aren't we all?" The man coo'd, his gaze unabashedly flicking up and down Alex's body. "How has your night been going, chou?"

"Uh, good." Alex nodded, ready to ask the same of the other man, but he was cut off before he could return the question.

"Would you like to make it better?" He asked, a coy smile spreading across his lips. He easily grabbed Alex's hand and brought his knuckles up to his lips. "I have an empty spot in my bed about your size that's just begging to be filled."

Wow, that was direct. Alex thought, but he couldn't really find it in himself to care. He's been unwantedly hit on before, and this wasn't like that. He wasn't uncomfortable or looking for the nearest exit. He found himself leaning closer to the taller man. Afterall, this guy was attractive, they were both a healthy amount of drunk, and Alex found himself a little smitten by his confidence. "Actually, yeah. Lead the way."

Alex never learned the guy's name. He was sure the guy never learned his either. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that Alex was being held up, back pressed against a wall, legs wrapped around the mysterious French guy, while lips were attacking his own.

This guy, whoever he was, was an amazing kisser. Alex would almost be satisfied with just making out all night. Almost.

Alex blindly pulled on the guy's jacket, trying to get him naked now. He pulled back and chuckled at Alex's needy whine. "You are … What is the word? Edger?"

"Désireux. Eager." Alex mumbled, mouthing at the man's neck, "Je suis désireux, monsieur."

The guy purred, his eyes lighting up, "Et tu parles français! Tu es parfait!"

"Parler moins." Alex growled as he tugged on the man's clothes again, "Embrasser plus."

The man chuckled and shifted his grip on Alex's ass, moving them away from the wall and further into his apartment. Alex squeaked in surprise, but was not at all upset by the idea of being thrown around by this guy. He never realized all the potential he's wasted at not demanding that his lovers carry him, because this is sexy as fuck. He supposes there are benefits to being a tiny boy.

The man lowers Alex down onto his bed. Alex takes a second to register the expensive, silky white sheets. He doesn't have much time to think about them, though, because the Frenchman was now hovering over him, pressing needy kisses to Alex's neck. Alex sighed happily and wiggled under him.

He tugged on the Frenchman's shirt again and the man chuckled darkly, pausing his kisses. "Okay, okay, I can take a hint."

Alex snorted and watched as the man sat up and pulled his shirt over his head. Alex felt his jaw drop. He knew that this guy was hot, but he wasn't expecting him to be so outlandishly gorgeous. The guy had muscles upon muscles with smooth tight skin that Alex instantly wanted to run his fingers over. He had a waxed chest, which Alex personally preferred, and a tattoo in beautiful, dark, cursive letters that looped around his heart.

Alex's eyes didn't leave the tattoo as he traced the letters with his finger. "Séparé, mais jamais seul." There was a question in his tone, curious but not willing to ask directly.

The man's gaze turned soft, "It's a reminder. My best friend and I live in different countries; he is American while I usually am in France - I'm here for a business visit. Anyway, we got these matching tattoos to remind ourselves that we are never alone."

"Are you going to see him while you're here?" Alex asked.

"I don't know." The man frowned a little, "We both have very busy schedules, and he doesn't live in New York. It'd be a long travel."

"Not as long as from France." Alex commented, "You should visit him, before you leave the country again."

The Frenchman stared at him for a moment, a smile spreading across his lips. He said, "I will." And it sounded like a promise. He gestured to Alex, "Now, it is your turn to undress?"

Alex laughed and sat up a little, "Right, right."

He didn't even think about it as he took off his shirt, his mind was a happy buzz from the leftover alcohol and the pleasant company. He didn't notice anything was wrong until he looked up at the Frenchman's face to see it in utter disarray.

"What?" Alex asked. He looked down and immediately realized his mistake. He wrapped his arms around his chest, his face on fire. He couldn't make eye contact as he sputtered, "Shit! I-I-I'm sorry, I should've said something before- I didn't- fuck- it wasn't my intention to- please don't be mad- I-I can go, I'll just-"

"Oh, baby boy…" The Frenchman sounded upset, disappointed, even. Alex squirmed, wanting to get out of his sight; wanting to put his shirt back on. His stupid, dumb, idiot ass forgot - he forgot he was trans. What kind of drunken bullshit - who forgets that kind of thing!? Alex felt his face heat up with embarrassment and he looked away from the other man. He was ready for the anger, the attack, the yelling. He was ready to be kicked out of the apartment, onto the streets, forced to walk home. He was ready for the worst. But what came out of the Frenchman's mouth was, "Do you not have a proper binder?"

Alex's gaze snapped over, he looked up in surprise, "...What?"

The man tapped Alex's chest gently, just under his collarbone, high enough to not touch anything he wasn't supposed to. "You should not use these bandages, mon ami. They will cause a great deal of damage to your ribs and spine."

"I- I know that."Alex said, sitting up a little. "I'm saving up for a binder!"

The man shook his head, "I will find you one, come morning. It will be here in no less than an hour."

"How…?" Alex asked. "And also, why?"

"Because I am a good person." The man shrugged, a small glint of cockiness in his voice. "And, worry not. I have my ways."
Alex frowned a little, still confused, "So… do you…. Are we still gonna…?"

"Out of all of the men in that bar, it is a good thing I took you home." The man said as he pressed a kiss to Alex's cheek. "No, darling, I do not mind. Now, would it be okay if I take these horrible bandages off of you?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah, that's fine."

"If you would like your shirt back, that's understandable." The man said, "I've known a few who would rather not be reminded of their chests while I have my way with them."

Alex felt himself relax. He was in good hands; this man wasn't going to harm him; he was kind and considerate. "What- what's your name?"

"My American friends call me Lafayette." The man said. "You can scream Laf, if you'd prefer. Now, shirt - oui ou non?"

"Non." Alex laughed, "I'm Alex, by the way."

"A handsome name for a handsome boy." Lafayette purred, leaning close to him once more.

"Thanks, I picked it myself." Alex grinned, tilting his head up. They kissed and, it was kind of strange - almost intimate, how soft the man treated Alex. It didn't feel like a one night stand - dirty and rough and fast. It's careful slowness brought a blush to Alex's cheeks.

Lafayette worked to remove the ace bandages around his chest; with each circular motion, Alex felt his muscles relax and his body take inventory of it's pains. Yeah, the bandages were really a bad idea, Alex thought as his lungs screamed at him. Lafayette threw the bandages across his room with a look of disgust. He then turned to Alex and brought their lips together once more.

As they kissed, Alex let his hands roam up and down Lafayette's body. He felt the other man shiver and sigh at the contact, pressing closer and closer until every inch of them was touching. Alex doesn't know when they started grinding, moving their hips in a delicious dance, but soon he wanted more-

"Okay, I really don't need to hear your porno." Thomas interrupted, clearing his throat. At some point during Alex's story, he seemed to had found his voice. Alex tried to look at him over his shoulder, but he couldn't get a good view. "So you fucked some French guy, who cares? What does this have to do with meeting your wife?"

Alex frowned at the strange tone in Thomas' voice. He tried to decipher what that could be, but he wasn't sure the intention of it. Finally, he ignored it and carried on, "Right, uh, sorry. So, after me and this guy had the most amazing sex ever - like, honestly, it was probably the best sex of my life. He was just absolutely-"

"Hamilton!"

"Okay, sorry." Alex grumbled, "Jeez, you never got grumpy with sex talk before."

"The story, Alexander! How'd you meet your fucking wife?!" Thomas sounded exasperated; and Alex felt his cheeks darken.

Reluctantly, he carried on, "Right. So, come morning, I'm still in this guy's bed…"

Alex woke up to an annoying alarm. He groaned and shifted closer to the warm body next to him. He felt the body chuckle, a deep rumble that almost lulled him back to sleep.

"Pardon moi," The body whispered, sliding away, "I must get ready for work."

Alex peaked an eye open to watch as a naked Frenchman crawled out of bed and puttered around the room. "It's still dark outside."

"I know." The man said softly, "I have an early meeting out of town."

Alex sat up slowly rubbing his eyes. He tugged the blanket up with him, to hide his chest. He glanced around for his shirt and tiredly grabbed the first one he saw. It was far too big, old and soft, he realized only after he put it on that it was definitely not his. The bakery logo on it was very clearly in French.

The man paused by the door, "I'm going to take a shower. You're more than welcome to join me, or you can go back to sleep. If you want breakfast, I can make it, if you just give me enough time to get ready."

Alex nodded silently and laid back down. A shower sounded wonderful, but he was too tired to move right now. His body was exhausted, sore in all the right ways. He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes for a while longer.

He could hear the water running in the next room over, and he didn't think too much of it. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. He wiggled a bit, trying to get comfy again. It was when his legs brushed against each other that he froze suddenly.

That felt … odd.

Strange, sticky, kind of wet…

Surely, that wasn't left over from last night? Sweat and fluids, that just dried on him weird…? Confused, Alex slowly sat up. He pulled his blanket away and, in the dark, gently brushed against the inside of his thigh. It was wet; there was no doubt about it.

Alex twisted and turned on the lamp by the bed, blinking in the sudden light. He rubbed at his eyes and shifted to look back at his legs. He sucked in a sharp breath at what he saw.

The expensive, silky white sheets had turned a deep red in the middle of the night. Alex's legs were painted with the sticky, smelly liquid. He groaned, realizing what had happened - his period had started while they were asleep. He knew it was coming up, but he wasn't expecting it to happen now of all times.

And then, the panic set in.

This wasn't his bed. As nice as this guy was last night, he wouldn't be happy to discover gross period blood all over his sheets. Alex didn't know what to do, in a panicked fury, he scrambled out of bed and put on his clothes; forgetting to grab his own shirt, since he was wearing the Frenchman's. He didn't even think as he threw his clothes on and grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys.

He only slowed down when he got to the bedroom door. He opened it a crack and peered out, the bathroom appeared to be down the hall. The light was on, shining from under the door, and the shower was still running. He could hear Lafayette humming softly. Alex quickly snuck out of the house, moving as fast as he could while still being near silent. He had to get away, his face was flushed with embarrassment and he didn't know what he'd do if he got caught right now.

He flung the front door opened, closed it as tightly as he could and ran off into the night, never looking back.

"So that's the embarrassing part. The reason why you wouldn't tell us the story?" Thomas asked, his tone curious.

Alex shrugged, his cheeks heating up. God, he was telling this to his crush. Yeah, this'll totally make him look attractive. He really hated himself sometimes. "Well, yeah. It was mortifying, I didn't know what to do. And if I told you this story earlier, you'd realize I was trans."

"Right. Um, did you ever see that guy again?"

"No, never."

There was a beat of silence, and then Thomas said, "I still don't know how Eliza fits into this."

Alex nodded, shifting a little on the saddle. He bit his lip when he realized that his movement only brought him closer to Thomas. "Uh, y-yeah, right. So, I had no idea where I was, walking through New York. At night. While trans. And every minute my underwear was getting more soaked with blood."

"Yikes."

"Exactly."

Alex ran into the nearest gas station he could find. Surprisingly, it was open. Unsurprisingly, no one was in there. He was tired, panicked, and he felt gross all over. It was safe to say that he wasn't thinking clearly. He made eye contact with the worker sitting behind the cash register. She was a pretty woman, who was reading a worn paperback. She looked up when he stormed in.

She frowned a little at his obviously distressed state. "Can I help yo-"

"WHERE ARE THE PADS!?" He shouted without thinking.

The woman silently pointed to one of the aisles, between the chips and the alcohol. Alex almost sprinted over to them. He didn't take long to observe which kind he wanted; he just grabbed the first brand he recognized.

The woman was watching him with slightly wide eyes as he slammed the box of pads down at the counter and frantically dug through his pockets. He dropped a few crumbled bills down in front of her. He impatiently waited for her to scan his item and give him his change. Once the transaction was complete, he snatched the box and ran to the public bathroom in the back of the store.

He stayed in there for a while; just panicking. Even after he had done what he needed to and he knew he should be on his way home, he stood there in the men's bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. He gripped the sink in front of him; his body shaking uncontrollably. This was a nightmare. He wanted to scream; but he couldn't, not in some dirty gas station bathroom.

Tears started to burn behind his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He splashed water in his face and took deep breaths.

Finally, he left the bathroom; open box of pads under his arm. He wanted nothing more than to leave immediately and go home. But guilt and embarrassment ate at him. He slowly approached the cashier. She was watching him carefully. He took another deep breath, "I apologize for my earlier behavior. I'm … a little shaken right now."

"It's alright." She smiled, waving it off. "I've certainly had much ruder customers. Are you okay?"

Alex nodded, but even he could tell it wasn't believable. "I've just … had an intense morning."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked, gesturing to the empty gas station, "I'm not doing anything."

Alex chewed his lip, "It's a little embarrassing."

"I won't force you." She said, "You can leave and go on your merry way. But I'm a total stranger, me knowing about it doesn't affect your life in any way. Talking about it could be good for you. Besides," she smiled, "I'm sure I've done something as equally embarrassing."

Alex found himself charmed by the girl. He smiled with her, his cheeks turning a little pink. He nodded a little and said, "Okay, um, so, long story short, I was sleeping with this guy…" he hesitated, unsure if she was going to scowl and be homophobic now. She didn't, so he continued, "And it was all good. But then I woke up, like twenty minutes ago, and I realized that my period had started in the middle of the night."
"Oh no." She said, her eyes widening, "Did you know this guy?"

"No, he was a stranger from a bar." Alex said, "So I guess that's good. I'll never have to see him again, but…"
"That is embarrassing." She muttered, sympathetic. She shook it off, "But don't worry. We all have bad period stories. One time, I was on my first date ever. It was my sophomore year in high school. And I was super excited, because I really liked this guy, right?"

Alex nodded along, his eyes drifting over her face as she talked. She really was beautiful. She seemed classy, better than a gas station attendant. He wondered why she was here instead of being a waitress or something.

"Anyway, we went to a movie and then got frozen yogurt afterwards. I wanted red velvet, because it's my favorite." Her smile widened, turning a bit embarrassed, "And I was wearing white pants."

"Oh, no." Alex grinned, already seeing where this was going.
"Oh, yeah." She snorted, "My sister's white pants, no less. Well, I stupidly drop my red ice cream all over my lap. The pants were ruined; it looked like I bleed all over them. I was horrified."

Alex snickered a little, feeling better. He shrugged, "At least yours only looked like you bleed. And it was your clothes. I actually bleed on some guys silk sheets."

She thought for a second and then asked, "Was he asleep when you left?"

"No, he went to take a shower." Alex replied.

"You should've taken the bed sheets." She told him. "That way, he'd never know your period started. He'd just think you're some weirdo who slept with him, then stole his fancy sheets."

Alex laughed, "I didn't think of that. I was just too busy freaking out."

She waved him off, "Don't worry about it. You'll never see him again, so it's fine. Just go home, take a shower, drink some hot tea, and go back to sleep."

Alex nodded, feeling himself relax, "Okay, yeah. Thanks."

"Do you have any cramps?" She asked, "Do you want some ibuprofen?"

Alex hesitated, "Um, actually, yeah, that would be amazing."

She dug through her purse behind the counter and returned with two pills and a bottle of water, "Here."

"Thank you." Alex breathed, taking the pills and swallowing them with a mouthful of water. He sighed happily and held out his hand, "I'm Alexander Hamilton, by the way."

There was a moment pause, where she looked at him carefully. It was in that moment that Alex realized she was figuring out his gender. This entire time, they had been talking about menstruation and boys; he wasn't wearing the ace bandages, it was the one thing he left behind. At this point in his life, he didn't have his bear or anything. He realized then that she thought he was a girl. He cringed and almost pulled his hand away, wanting to run away before he had to deal with her reaction. But before he could, she took his hand and shook it, smiling at him kindly.
"Eliza Schuyler." She smiled, "Nice to meet you, sir."

Alex almost combusted, his face was so red. He smiled and kept smiling the entire way home. When he opened his door, his apartment was a mess. He walked over to John's room, peeking in to find the man asleep; his head resting on a stranger's chest. Alex ducked away, going to his room, letting the men sleep. He started a shower, and as the water heated, he checked his phone.

He had a new message from James Madison. It simply said 'Happy New Year.' And Alex realized that his year started off kind of intense. On one hand, he had a horribly embarrassing experience and he could never see that French guy ever again. But on the other, he met a really cute girl, one that he wants to meet again. He wasn't sure if it was a good or bad omen, but it seemed fit that his year would start so chaotically.

"The first thing you said to this girl was, 'where's the pads', and she looked at you and thought, 'yeah, I'll marry that'." Thomas said, amusement obvious in his voice.

"Basically." Alex agreed, grinning. He looked over his shoulder at Thomas the best he could, "I must be special or something."

Thomas watched him, a strange look on his face. Alex's stupid, smitten mind told him that the other man looked fond of him. He cleared his throat, looking away, a light blush on his cheeks.

"Yeah." Thomas mumbled, his arms around Alex's waist tightening slightly, "Must be."

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