A/N: I know that most people who read this story are probably disappointed about the whole five month break, but I'm in Japan now and I've been just frantic busy taking 25 hours of language study a week and living in a dorm...and just generally living in a country I'd never been to before.

Anyway, I love this story, I love the reviews, I love that you love it, and I'm not making any promises except that I'll try to work on it more often.

Fun Fact: Loth finally finished this chapter in an attempt to avoid studying for a three-day final exam.

Raising a Hand

By LQ Aredhel

Chapter 26

No second hit came. JD distantly heard shouting above him, the door opening behind him, and he finally lowered his arms away from his aching face. His entire jaw was on fire. He took a deep breath and looked up.

Carla was crouched down next to him, talking to him, looking anxious and concerned. God knows what she wanted, JD couldn't hear her. He was exhausted.

She eventually helped him to his feet and – to his disappointment – he soon found himself in a hospital bed. He could barely keep his eyes open, but Carla kept talking to him, her caramel face demanding his attention. A doctor's concerned expression suddenly replaced Carla's, and JD jerked back in surprise. The doctor said a few things, then moved off, allowing JD a view of the room. Dr. Cox was gone.

When JD woke again, Carla was next to him, asking him questions and fidgeting with his IV and pillow.

"I don't want to be in the hospital anymore," JD told her. He didn't even remember anyone jabbing him with the IV.

"You're exhausted, you have a slight concussion, and you were just punched in the face," Carla rattled off tiredly. "Just rest a bit longer, then we'll take you home."

JD felt dread rise in his stomach. "We?" he repeated.

Carla nodded and dropped herself into the bedside chair. "Me and Turk. He went for coffee."

Of course Turk. Carla and Turk, always together. Always around him. They even lived with him. How was JD supposed to live with them always in the same apartment as them? Always knowing that they were talking about him, thinking about him and wishing he was somewhere else. He would have to start searching for his own place soon.

"Turk isn't mad at you, you know," Carla bluntly stated. "Well, I mean, I guess he's a little mad at you, but only because he wishes you'd told us--" Her voice cut off and her face contorted strangely. "We both wish it didn't happen, that's all. Just that it happened... that's enough. But that there were signs that we missed... you said so yourself that he gave you that bruise. What if I'd pushed you, and you'd admitted something? What if I could have stopped everything right then?"

JD focused on his blanket. What if that had happened?

It wouldn't have made a difference, he decided. That was back when things were good. He and Daniel were best friends.

Carla continued, "I can't tell you how much I regret not doing anything, JD. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

She'd started crying, her head lowered, tears falling onto her lap. JD watched her for a while, and then turned over and started at the opposite wall. He wondered only momentarily at his apathy, but soon fell asleep.

"I understand that some things happened in the last week that you may need to talk about," Dr. Rice calmly explained. "If you want, you could tell me what happened and we could discuss it. Or we can just keep it light this session. It's completely up to you, JD."

JD nodded nonchalantly. He felt too...weighted down to care what they talked about that day.

"My friends found out about everything," JD revealed.

Dr. Rice nodded, his eyebrows coming together in confusion, then went back to their normal expression of concern. "Did you tell them what happened?"

JD shook his head and leaned back all the way on the couch. The wall across from him was covered in an odd combination of plagues, framed degrees and family photos. He swept his eyes across each smiling face as he answered,

"No, Dr. Cox told them. I asked him to tell them." Who cares that he had been half-conscious from exhaustion and a concussion at the time? Dr. Cox hadn't.

"So how did they take it? Does it feel better to have it out in the open?"

JD smiled slightly when he recalled that Dr. Rice didn't even know what "it" was. He probably still assumed that JD's entire problem stemmed from the hostage situation at the hospital. No, it was so much more than that.

"I guess it's okay." But what do I know? Turk hadn't really been around in the last few days. Carla was always either babying him or yelling at him for doing nothing but laying around the apartment. He hadn't seen Elliot. Or Dr. Cox. He didn't care. The older doctor had made it clear that he didn't care for JD. A punch to the face was hard to misconstrue.

Suddenly Dr. Rice sat up straighter and lowered his notebook. He leaned forward, worry etched into his features; JD suddenly realized how young he was, probably not even 35.

"JD... how do you feel right now?"

What a loaded question. Any response could easily be followed by 'And why is that,' and 'how does that make you feel?' and so on. It was too easy.

But JD mind just didn't work fast enough for him to come up with any other answer but, "I feel heavy."

JD left Dr. Rice's office still feeling a weight in his chest pulling him down toward the ground. In the last few days it had seemed so difficult to get out of bed, so much effort to shower and dress, but leaving the apartment and attending his session had left him exhausted beyond his understanding. He thought only of going home and laying down; not sleeping, of course. He hadn't slept more than a few hours the last few days.

Carla, he knew, would be at work, and although Turk was off today, he would most likely be out of the apartment, maybe somewhere with Todd or just by himself, happy to be away from JD. He hadn't exactly done anything...yet. But JD was just waiting for the day when he would finally explode and knock him over like Dr. Cox did. And why shouldn't he? When he knew exactly what JD had done, and what he was.

He just felt heavy. And he just wanted to lay down and watch the ceiling change color as the sun moved across the sky.

But when JD arrived home, the front door was already unlocked and his heart began to race as he imagined who could be waiting for him inside.

He forced himself to calm down as his hand rested on the doorknob. Daniel was still in jail, unable to get bail again after being charged with attempted murder (by Dr. Cox). He wouldn't be here now.

Would he?

JD opened the door and was almost relieved to see Turk standing in the kitchen, spreading mayo onto a piece of bread. His former-friend stopped what he was doing and looked up in surprise at his entrance.

"Hi, Turk," JD greeted him. He almost rolled his eyes at how tired and weak his voice sounded. He shuffled through the living room and toward his room until a large black object blocked his path.

"JD, we've got to talk." Turk was no longer holding the bread, but he still had the butter knife covered in mayonnaise in one hand. JD felt a twinge of anxiety at the sight of it.

"Okay," JD finally replied. Just get it over with. He eyed the door to his room enviously as he waited for Turk to explode.

But Turk was suddenly moving forward, and even as JD jerked his head to the side he was enveloped in two strong chocolate arms.

When JD realized he wasn't being hurt, he carefully placed his hands on Turk's arms and waited nervously for him to let go.

Which he didn't seem to want to do.

"I'm so sorry," Turk's broken voice suddenly cried out. The arms squeezed tighter, practically holding JD in the air in front of them. JD didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry about what happened with you and him, and I'm sorry that I'm such an idiot that I couldn't have helped you earlier, and I'm really really sorry that I was too much of an idiot to help you even after I knew about it. I just freaked out, man! I just left, and I avoided you because I didn't know how to handle it. But what the hell do I have to handle? Just helping my best friend through a hard time. And I was too much of an idiot to even do that."

JD's shoulder was wet.

"I'm not mad at you," Turk continued, taking a breath that rushed by JD's ear, "and I don't hate you. I'm just an idiot, man. I don't care what happened, who did it, who you did it with, I don't care if you're straight or gay or bi, or dating Dr. Cox or quitting your job. Whatever you do, you're my best friend! And it'll always be that way."

JD's hands were gripping Turk's shirt sleeves so tightly that he could feel his nails through the fabric, cutting into his palms. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Turk knew everything, and here he was crying and proclaiming that JD was his best friend. JD wasn't sure whether or not he was being serious....

Turk finally pulled away, and JD could see that his eyes were red and puffy, his face covered in wet streaks. He was serious?

"Just please, JD, talk to me. Whenever you want to talk to me about something, I don't care what it is. Even a breakup, I don't care. It was a stupid rule. You want someone to talk to? You've got me. Fucking two in the morning when I get home from a 36 hour shift, drag me to the couch and ramble on to me about your day for five hours. Please!"

JD looked around nervously, as though he'd find someone hiding behind the couch, waiting for him to say the wrong thing so that they could jump on him, beat all of this out of him again with a few words.

"But," he finally began, seeing that the apartment was, in fact, empty, "Carla said that--"

"And that's another thing!" Turk cut in, making JD flinch away in surprise. "The next time Carla says something that makes you angry or sad or upset, you tell me about that too. She's my wife, and I love her, but you're my best friend. And I love you too." His voice had become softer and his anger and desperation seemed to have dissolved into concern.

JD didn't know what to say. Turk seemed so serious...but it also felt like only yesterday Carla was telling him not to complain to anyone anymore, and praising him for keeping to himself. Because he whined too much. Well, he'd fixed that, and now Turk wanted him to turn it around again? Or was he just trying to get JD to admit to being gay or something?

He finally sighed; his legs were shaking from being up so long and he felt like he could just plop down on the floor and stay there for the rest of the night.

"Look, Turk, I'm really tired--"

"Okay," Turk interrupted once again. He wrapped JD in another sudden hug and held him for what seemed like forever. JD had only just begun to bring his hands up to return the hug when Turk pulled away and smiled at him, still teary-eyed, and moved away from the door. JD ran through to his room, and shut and locked the door behind him.

He slumped down onto the floor, his back to his bed, and watched the door. What the hell had that been all about? What this the beginning of things going back to normal? Now that everyone knows, they'll just pretend it never happened? Pretend that JD was still normal? They'd just forget that he'd been dirtied, unable to protect himself or even choosing not to?

Turk had said that he didn't care what happened. So he was just going to forget about it? Jesus, JD wished he could do the same. Maybe they could all forget about it, pretend it never happened.

JD had found out in therapy today that, although he received an additional three weeks of therapy because of the incident at Dr. Cox's house, he would still be able to get back to work next week. He would start on Monday with a twelve hour shift. Dr. Cox's shift. Hopefully, he could avoid his "mentor" during that time.

Or maybe Dr. Cox will have forgotten about it by then as well.