Anne sat, a polite smile fixed firmly upon her face, only half listening to the conversations which flurried around her; nodding at, what she could only hope, where the appropriate occasions. She was ashamed to admit it, but she found the whole event rather tedious. She had not before realised quite how much she disliked social luncheons. Well no, that was not entirely true, she did enjoy them, but only up to a point. Today's event had become particularly tiresome.
This was her second such luncheon of the week, and she could hardly wait until the moment arose in which she could take her leave. She may be new upon the London scene, but Anne knew one could not simply stand up and leave until the moment in which it was acceptable to do so. She felt she could no longer chastise her cousin so severely for his lack of attendance, even though she had invited Darcy herself. How lucky his foresight to refuse such an invitation had been, for she had never been surrounded by such dull, and dare she say trivial, conversation in all her life.
So, Anne continued to sit, nodding when she felt it required, within a most delightful outdoor tea garden. The Mayweather Foundation, led by the forceful Mrs Drummond Burrell, had the little tea garden display especially constructed for the occasion, within the grounds of Ranelagh Gardens. Garlands of silk flowers, exotic potted plants fresh from the hot house, garden statues and ostentatious floral displays decorated the scene. White, linen covered tables sat immersed within the foliage, appearing as though they had always been there for this very purpose. It seemed the patroness's of Almacks had the power to command all of London when they wished to impress.
Nearly all the ladies from the Mayweather charity were present. Well at least all those who remained in London, a vast majority of ton were still absent, it seemed everyone enjoyed the races.
Every lady who remained where thus occupied, doing their best to engage guests in conversation and acquire future support and pledges to help fund the charity for young girls. Although neither gentleman was present, Anne had already secured rather sizeable donations from both Darcy and another from Mr Bingley. She was glad this was the case for she was not feeling in a very social mood today.
Shaded from the early summer sun by a white marquee, and the additional aid of her lace parasol, Anne looked upon the guests who shared her table, she was not well acquainted with any of the ladies, nor their husbands if present. Anne could not help but think how dull she found the company around her. Oh, everyone seemed pleasant enough, however, far too many were far too full of their own importance. Many purely spoke of their own endeavours, meaning a response was rarely required. It seemed most preferred to gossip about common connections; Anne really was not inclined to listen to such mean spirited remarks. They gave their opinions far too freely and often, when in truth it was neither insightful nor entertaining.
She missed the presence of Lady Beatrice at such gatherings immensely. Anne had become exceedingly fond of Bea and her genuinely pleasing manners. If only everyone could be so charming and vivacious, but alas, she was surrounded instead by those who appeared only loud and uninteresting.
Above all, if Anne was being entirely honest, she simply missed Edward. She had become so used to his presence by her side when out in company, that she had never realised how dull society events truly were without him. His conversation was always excellent. His opinion one she always wished to know. The way in which he arched his dark bushy brow in her direction before speaking in jest over some minor point; all these things had been greatly missed this last sennight.
It had been a dismal week without his company. The race at Epsom had taken place yesterday, surely, he must be on route back to London by now? It was rather selfish of him to wait so long to return. Did he not know she eagerly awaited to see him again? To speak to him again? What on earth could keep him so long entertained in Epsom Spa?
She missed him. She did not enjoy attending engagements half so well without him as her companion. Her solitary evenings at Grosvenor Square were little better. She had thought she enjoyed being on her own, master of her own employment; but in truth, those evening on her own made her feel restless.
Anne had long been used to being on her own when living at Rosings Park, but somehow, she had never felt lonely in her solitary existence in Kent. Now, however, having become too used to Edwards daily visits at Grosvenor, and their time in Scotland together, she felt quite forlorn without him.
How had she not realised until now just how much she valued Edwards company? They were friends, good friends indeed, she preferred him to any other person of her acquaintance. This sennight without him had made Anne realise just how high she held Edward in her regard. In comparison with all other friendships, the rest seemed almost insignificant when compared to the devotion in which she felt towards Edward. His good opinion was the only opinion which really mattered.
But was this the only reason she missed him so? She had asked herself that very question repeatedly the last few days. It was not only his company she missed, she missed everything about him. She missed his confidence, the warmth in his smile and the richness of his voice. She missed the way he touched her on the arm when trying to gain her attention and the lingering smell of his cologne when he left the room.
Was it possible that Anne missed him in ways in which a friend should not miss another mere friend? She had begun to question if she desired more from Edward than he was perhaps willing to give. Was it too much to hope that they could perhaps be more than friends?
Ever since Mrs Avery had warned Anne of the little rumour that was in circulation over their assumed attachment, she could think of little else. The more Anne thought upon the subject, the more she felt compelled to admit she had feelings towards the man. Feelings which far outweighed that of mere friendship. But was she willing to expose her heart and risk being hurt again?
"Well what say you on the subject Miss de Bourgh?"
Anne, jumping slightly at the sudden address, smiled towards Mrs Waverley-Martel and Lady Carmichael; she had not been listening. She had not the faintest idea of the subject which they referred to, nor even which lady had spoken. Clearly growing tired of Anne's smiling, yet blank expression, Mrs Waverley-Martel repeated in exasperation;
"The ball Miss de Bourgh, the ball of course! We asked you what you could tell us?"
"Oh.. You referring to the ball being thrown by Mr Bingley and his sister for Mid-Summer?"
"Well of course," replied Mrs Carmichael, shaking her head in disbelief. "With you being such an intimate acquaintance of Mrs Hurst, we assumed you would know a great deal with regards to the event. Who shall be in attendance? When shall the invites be formally received?"
"I am afraid I am not privy to such information." Anne replied, slightly shocked by such forward questioning. "I am sure Miss Bingley will issue all invitations very shortly."
Lady Carmichael, turning towards Mrs Waverley-Martel replied to her friend; "It is unfortunate for I am not well acquainted with Miss Bingley." Looking down her nose towards Anne she continued, "the family in question are not within the circle in which we find our most intimate of acquaintances. Yet, I am inclined to believe the ball shall be a rather lavish affair, new money never disappoints, as we all know, when the opportunity to be on display arises. It would be unfortunate to miss out on such an evening over such a minor technicality. Lord Carmichael of course is acquainted with Mr Bingley, he is a particular friend of your relation Mr Darcy after all. Such civilities must be acknowledged."
"Now Mr Darcy," exclaimed Mrs Waverly-Martel, "there is a gentleman! Never have I seen such a fine gentleman, such breeding and good manners. I wonder at his remaining unmarried for so long."
"Indeed do not we all," replied Lady Carmichael looking Anne up and down in such a way as to leave Anne feeling suddenly exceedingly uncomfortable. "But why would a man marry when he has other amusements to pursue. You are most fortunate," she continued focusing her full attention to Anne once more, "to have such a benefactor in your corner."
Anne looked at the ladies, fully aware of the meaning behind Lady Carmichael's words.
"I am not sure I follow your meaning," replied Anne coolly. "My cousin plays no role in my situation I can assure you; above that of any relation which one holds in mutual respect."
"He has not been charged with your introduction to society and the means in which to do so," asked Lady Carmichael, her curiosity in earnest. "The gentleman in question seems to have afforded you every opportunity to integrate into established society. A lady, shall we say past a certain age, does not simply appear from no-where and become so well situated within the London set without some generous champion in her corner.
"Indeed, he has not," replied Anne shortly. It would appear that she was indeed the subject of ton gossip. Though until this moment she did not comprehend the full extent of the rumours which circulated her person. So, they assumed her cousin was her benefactor? Anne knew only too well what such assumptions insinuated. These horrid women assumed she was Darcy's kept mistress.
"May I ask," continued Anne drily, "what is it about my person which you would like to know? Surely if you are so keen to understand my position there can be no better way than to simply ask the question? It has become apparent that there is much curiosity about my person, but then I have never been one to listen to uninformed gossip; rather than merely imply ladies, why not simply ask?"
Both ladies starred back at Anne in disbelief. She instantly regretted her loose tongue. What on earth had possessed her to challenge these women? No good could come from offending such women, yet Anne could not tolerate such assumptions about her person any longer.
"I apologise," Anne said flatly, "I did not mean any offence, I simply meant if you wished to know more about my person, I am more than happy to answer your curiosity."
Lady Carmichael looked sternly towards Anne, unaccustomed to such insolence from someone she saw as one so far beneath her on the society pecking order. How was it that this Miss de Bourgh had already been admitted to Almacks, after becoming a firm favourite with the matriarchs of London society all in but a mere few months. Lady Carmichael could not fathom why this nondescript female had been welcomed with such open arms, when her own daughter's talents went uncelebrated.
"My dear Miss de Bourgh we are only curious for no one seems to know much about you, other than you being the only daughter of the late Sir Lewis de Bourgh. It is rather perplexing, is it not Mrs Waverley-Martel?" Lady Carmichael began in a steely tone, "we merely wish to know who exactly has been welcomed amongst us."
"Well let me put your curiosity to rest by my saying very plainly, that I neither need, nor want a benefactor of any kind. I am in possession of my own fortune and have taken my place amongst London society, as is my birth right, this very season because it simply suited my desire to do so. There is no agenda on my part, Lady Carmichael, and I would kindly ask if such manner of speaking and implications on my character were to arise again in future, you would not hesitate in ending such defamatory assumptions.
"Of course, Miss de Bourgh," replied the older lady, her mouth twisting in a most displeased manner. "Why else would myself and dear Mrs Waverley-Martel mention such an... unpleasant confusion? Rest assured we understand your meaning perfectly."
"I thank you," Anne replied, "now if you will excuse me, I must speak with Mrs Parker." Anne stood, biting on her lower lip in an attempt to stop the tears which she felt building behind her eyes. Never had she believed the truly malicious nature of society gossip. How could ladies think so poorly of one another?
Leaving the table, she walked towards Mrs Parker, a gentle woman of advanced years, whom Anne knew would be only too happy to make conversation. Once integrated into the group, Anne tried her best to smile and engage with those in attendance, but she could not help be distracted by what had just passed. She kept glancing back towards her previous table.
Her mother was right. Anne did not belong in London. What a fool she had been to think she could just start her life anew; embrace her independence and come to London to enjoy it's amusements. Why was everyone so interested in her situation? Why did people feel the need to gossip and imply false fabrications which could only harm the reputation of another? Anne could not understand why women seemed to enjoy inflicting pain on another so readily. She had thought Caroline Bingley was the worst sort of woman, but poor Caroline; neither wonder she was at times cruel if this was the sort of woman she battled through life. Perhaps her sharp remarks and dismissive manner were merely her armour. Anne was from a prominent bloodline and still her person was being questioned, how awful it must be to be accepted, when born outside that sphere entirely.
"Anne, are you quite alright?"
Anne turned her head to find Lady Drummond-Burrell by her side. In a hushed tone she continued, "I observed your exchange with Lady Carmichael. I must say I thought you handled the exchange marvellously."
"I do not think so," Anne replied softly, "I was entirely unprepared for such and attack on my person, do you know what she implied of my character?"
"I do not know, nor do I wish to know," Lady Drummond-Burrell replied. "Anne, in order to succeed a nd flourish amongst the ton, one must become thick skinned to the ridiculous and the vicious. Lady Carmichael happens to be both those things. Do not worry my dear, by next week she will have focused her attentions upon someone new."
Anne took little comfort in the words of her friend, however much she wished them to be true. Thankfully, the time had come, and others slowly began to take their leave, meaning Anne could finally send for her carriage and return home. She made haste, saying her goodbyes and within ten minutes found herself in the sanctuary of her private chaise. As the carriage pulled into Grosvenor Square, Anne made a mental note, to avoid Lady Carmichael at all future opportunities.
Hello lovely people! Sorry I am a bit late in posting this, I normally write on my commute back and forth from work... and that's not exactly happening at the moment!
Trying to juggle working from home means I'm rather behind on my posting. Also trying to remotely organise my up coming wedding so I might be a bit slow on the old posting for a bit...
I hope you are all well! Stay safe :)
Yas