The first time Alexander and Eliza took a shower together, it was because Alex had quietly informed his girlfriend that he hated bathing more than anything. Between his PTSD over the hurricane and his dysphoria over his body; spending excessive time naked in water was not his favorite past time.

"Would … it be helpful or hurtful for me to be there with you?" Eliza asked slowly, shyly. A rosey pink spread across her cheeks. She glanced away and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Um. I could take a shower with you, if- if that'd help."
They had been dating for a month or so now, and had already seen each other undressed a fair amount of times. It's not like there'd be any surprises. But Eliza still seemed unsure to suggest it. Not for herself; but for how Alex would react. Would he want her there? Or would he rather suffer in silence?

Alex shrugged, not making eye contact, "Help…?"

"Have you ever showered with someone before?" Eliza asked, moving to sit down next to him. She took his hand, and the action made him smile a little.

"No, never." Alex replied, "It's always just half an hour of misery alone."

"I'll wash your hair for you." Eliza said, brushing her hand through his hair slowly. "We can chat and I'll play some music. Would you like that? Or do you want me to just wait here for you?"

Alex swallowed hard, looking up into Eliza's eyes. He felt himself smile at her earnest expression. He mumbled, a little embarrassed, "I'd like that..."

Smiling in relief, Eliza pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead and said, "Okay. Get your things, dearest."

This is what Alex was thinking about when Thomas stopped the horse by a lake that was just small enough to be considered a large pond. Alex climbed down from the horse as Thomas unhooked the wagon and led the animal over to the water so it could get a drink. Chien happily followed them, immediately throwing herself into the cool waters. Thomas shook his head, smiling at the dog's antics. He turned to Alex, his smile fading a little as he said, "Do you think we have enough time before sundown for a bath?"

Alex shifted anxiously, looking over at the sinking sun. "Um. Could we maybe … not bathe?"

"We haven't bathed since the Hudson. We're gross and dirty and sweaty." Thomas said, frowning. "Why the hell would we not bathe?"

"I don't like water?" Alex said quietly.

Thomas scoffed, "Well, suck it up. I don't like diseases."

Alex flinched and closed his eyes, his voice turning frantic, "Please, I- I really don't want to-"

"Give me a good reason." Thomas interrupted; he crossed his arms over his chest, his expression an angry kind of curious.

Alex stared at him, his heart in his throat. He could feel his eyes watering a little and he forced himself to keep his breathing even. "I-I almost drowned when I was a kid. And- and I still have panic attacks from it. I hate showering and baths and storms and swimming and- and I hate my body and there's zombies around - probably - so I really really don't want to take a bath."

"Fuck, Alex." Thomas said quietly, uncrossing his arms, "I had no idea."

"It's fine." Alex mumbled, wiping moisture from his eyes. He crossed his arms across his chest and glanced down at his feet. Chien climbed out of the lake to shake water onto Thomas. She barked loudly, jumping around. Thomas picked up a stick and threw it into the lake, effectively distracting the dog. Chien ran off into the lake to retrieve the stick.

Thomas slowly approached, like Alex was a wild animal. He held out his hands in a placating manner. "We don't have to, if you really don't want to." He said softly.

Alex shook his head, "It's fine." He repeated. He felt weirdly numb; like he didn't know what to do anymore. Thomas was right; they couldn't avoid bathing forever. But he really wasn't looking forward to climbing into dirty, muddy water. He cleared his throat and muttered, "We'll take the bath."

"Are you sure?" Thomas asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"How can I help?" Thomas asked suddenly, his voice firm. It wavered only as he said, "What- what did James do, at the Hudson?"

"Um." Alex looked up, seeing the determination in his eyes. "He just talked to me, I guess. And he helped me wash my hair."

"I can do that." Thomas said, "If you want."

Alex hesitated, but eventually nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." Thomas smiled, and Alex couldn't help but weakly smile back.

Thomas undressed first. Alex turned around so he wouldn't see anything as Thomas took off his clothes and his prosthetic. Alex only turned around when Thomas gave the all-clear. The man was a few feet into the lake; the water coming up to his navel. Alex felt heat rise to his cheeks as he realized that he'd be next to a naked god. He waited until Thomas turned around to play with Chien before he undressed himself.

Alex walked up to the edge of the water; the mud squishing between his toes. The horse snorted next to him, making him jump. Alex took a deep breath and kept his eyes on Thomas' back as he stepped into the water. It was cold and dirty; but it was calm. Unlike the Hudson, there was no current that was trying to suck him down and drown him. The realization of this gave him some calmness. He forced himself to move forward, into the deeper waters.

Thomas started to turn around as he heard Alex approach. Alex immediately dropped down into the water until it came up to his shoulders. "Don't- don't turn around!"

Thomas halted, and Alex could see his profile. He frowned a little, clearly confused. "Why?"

"I-I don't want you to, you know…" Alex mumbled, glancing away. His blush returned darkly.

Thomas tried to glance at him from the corner of his eye, still unsure, "...No? I don't know?"

"See my breasts." Alex muttered at last, wanting nothing more than to die in that moment. He felt shame and embarrassment rise in him; God, he was pathetic. He watched as Thomas' expression twisted up even more before suddenly bursting into realization. The other man turned around fully so his back was to Alex; his spine was ridged.

Alex could hear something in his voice that he couldn't quite place. Thomas sounded … almost nervous? "O-oh- oh my god, I completely forgot- I'm so sorry-"

"It's fine." Alex said. It seemed like he was saying that a lot lately. His cheeks were red and he slowly rose up a little from the water; letting it stop just above his collarbones. He cleared his throat, "It's- it's okay to turn around, I guess. The water's too murky to see anything…"

Still, Thomas hesitated for a second. Slowly, he turned around, his gaze averted. He cleared his throat and said, "Um, how do you feel? You, uh, doin' alright?"

"For now." Alex mumbled. He swished his hand over the top of the water; watching the waves ripple. "It's not that bad, I guess."

"Good, good." Thomas said, still looking away. "Um, I found some shampoo in one of the bags. We don't have conditioner, though."

Alex saw the half-full shampoo bottle floating a few feet away. He nodded; feeling himself space out. He felt like his mind was two feet to the left of his body; like he was being controlled by someone else and he was along for the ride. He reached for the bottle and placed it in Thomas' hand. The taller man sucked in a sharp breath, one that Alex didn't catch, under his touch.

"Um. I can wash your hair first, so you can get out sooner?" Thomas said, "Is that alright?"

Alex nodded, reaching up to fiddle with his rosary. "Kay."

Thomas glanced down, looking at the cross in Alex's hands. His lips twitched upwards for half a second before he shook his head and cleared his throat. His cheeks were a bit dark as he said, "Do you want to turn around or…?"

Alex silently turned around, sighing at the tension in his body. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the panic building inside him. He heard Thomas approach him, the water shifting around them.

"I'm going to get your hair wet." Thomas said, keeping his voice soft and soothing. "I'm going to pour handfuls onto your head, okay?"

Alex took a deep breath and nodded, bracing himself for the inevitable. He flinched as Thomas did exactly as he said. Small bursts of water fell onto his head as Thomas slowly and thoroughly wet his hair. The other man was careful to keep his face dry; which Alex was thankful for.

Having his eyes closed only made Alex feel more panicked; his mind tricking him into thinking he was years and miles away. Alex felt his breathing speed up, but he couldn't find it in himself to open his eyes. He knew, logically, that he was safe; but he couldn't stop the racing of his heart.

"Shh, you're okay." Thomas whispered; his hands coming up to rest on Alex's shoulders. Alex flinched at first, but felt himself lean back into the touch. "I'm here."

Alex let out a soft, embarrassing whimper when Thomas started to massage Alex's shoulders. His thumbs dug into the tight knots there, and Alex felt his toes curl. He sighed and tipped his head forward, offering Thomas more room to work.

"Do your ears still hurt?" Thomas asked, trying to distract him.

"Um, no. Not anymore." Alex replied shakily. He gently poked them with his fingers, but stopped when it made them wet. "I-I don't think I'll go deaf any time soon."

"Even if you did, you know asl, so it wouldn't be the end of the world, I guess." Thomas muttered, continuing to massage Alex's shoulders. "I don't know it, though. You'd have to teach me."

Alex blushed at the thought of him holding Thomas' hands, showing him the proper way to make a sign. He swallowed hard, mumbling, "Of course."

"Good boy." Thomas mumbled distractedly as he poured shampoo on his hand. Alex missed the massage and mentally reminded himself to ask for another, longer one sometime. Thomas spoke a little louder as he said, "I'm going to put soap in your hair now."

"Kay." Alex sighed. He relaxed as strong hands started to massage his scalp; rubbing soapy bubbles into his hair. He felt his worries wash away long with the dirt. He tilted his head up a little; into the touch. Thomas' hands moved down his head, to his neck and shoulders; warming his skin and his heart.

Alex felt himself suck in a sharp breath as the realization hit him. He was naked. Thomas was naked, too. Thomas was touching him. While they were naked. Alex's mouth went dry as he looked over his shoulder to see dark, smooth skin. His cheeks darkened; he felt so hot he thought the water around him would start to boil.

"Shh, deep breaths. You're almost done." Thomas whispered, misinterpreting Alex's wide-eyed expression. Alex couldn't be more thankful for a miscommunication. Still, he was enthralled by Thomas being so close. He couldn't find it in himself to turn back around. Thomas frowned a little, but didn't comment. He continued to massage Alex's head, making sure his hair was soapy and clean. For some reason, Thomas found it difficult to maintain eye contact. The man was looking away, over Alex's shoulder, at the horse on shore. Alex watched droplets of water slowly slide down Thomas' body. He forced himself to look away from the toned pecs, and up to Thomas' face. The man glanced at him, and his gaze stayed; their eyes locked on each other's. Alex licked his lips subconsciously. He felt Thomas' fingers tighten in his hair; which only made Alex's breath hitch again.

Thomas suddenly pulled back like he had been burned, he tore his gaze away; turning to he wasn't facing Alex anymore. "O-okay, y'all're good; you can, um, rinse off an' go dry off now."

Alex hesitated, "Um…"

After a second of not hearing any movement, Thomas looked over his shoulder, "Everything alright?"

"Will you …" Alex blushed in shame, hating himself for having to ask for this. "Will you, um, hold my hand… while I…?"

Thomas chewed his lip but nodded, "Yeah, yeah, 'course."

Alex held out his hand, which Thomas firmly grasped. Alex gave Thomas a shaky smile before he took a deep breath and dunked himself under the water. He instantly regretted the decision as he felt like he was sinking down into the mud, never to be seen again. He shook his head, his hand gripping Thomas' furiously. Just as Alex felt the panic start to take over him; a strong arm wrapped around his middle and pulled him to the surface. Alex coughed and gasped as he clung to the warm body next to him. His vision was fuzzy and he couldn't exactly remember where he was. He spit out water and hid his face in the warmth.

"Shh, you're okay, you're safe, darlin', I'm here, I got ya." Someone was saying, but their voice sounded far away. Alex tried to focus on it as someone moved his hand to rest over a chest. It moved slowly up and down in a rhythmic motion. "Breathe with me; in … out."

Alex did as he was told; forcing himself to take slow, deep breaths.

"Good." The voice said. Alex blinked the water away and looked up to see Thomas staring down at him with worried eyes. Alex let out a soft sigh. Thomas. He remembered where he was now. In a lake; not in Navis. He was safe. Alex was so grateful for Thomas' presence. In that moment, a wave of affection washed over him. He smiled a little; soft and shy. His smile grew when Thomas' own lips parted a little in his own grin.

I could kiss him. Alex thought happily, his gaze drifting down to Thomas' lips. His tongue swiped along his own lips thoughtfully; wondering what he'd taste like. Shaking the thought from his head, Alex's gaze returned to Thomas'. The man had a strange expression; almost dazed. It made a shiver run down Alex's spine. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

Alex looked away, still feeling a little shaky. "I-I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for your trauma." Thomas said, gently brushing some hair behind Alex's ear. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how bad it was."

"S'okay." Alex said, resting his cheek against Thomas' chest. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing. Thomas' heart was loud and soothing under him; even if it was beating weirdly fast. Alex listened to it for a second before he remembered that they were both naked. Instantly, Alex pulled himself out of Thomas' grasp; his arms coming up to cover the chest that Thomas no-doubt felt. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry!"

"I-I didn't look!" Thomas said, glancing away again, his face was already dark and he didn't seem to know what to do with his hands, "Or touch or anything! I-I mean, I felt them, but- but only because you were pressed up against me and- and- I'm sorry!"

Mortified, Alex started to back away, "Um, I'm going to, uh, get dressed, and we can forget this ever happened."

"Yup. Yeah, that's- yeah." Thomas agreed quickly, still unable to look at him. "Sorry."

"Not your fault." Alex said, quietly. He caught Thomas' gaze and they both froze as they stared at each other. The world fell silent except for the sound of his heartbeat. Alex swallowed hard once more; his mind unable to comprehend just how gorgeous Thomas looked, shirtless and dripping wet. Alex felt himself speak, "Sorry for, um, making you feel uncomfortable."

"I wasn't-" Thomas started, but quickly clamped his mouth shut. Alex squinted a little at the obvious panic on Thomas' face.

Shrugging to himself, Alex turned and gestured to the shore. "I'm gonna…"

"Right, yeah, right. I'll, uh, face that way." Thomas said, turning around.

Alex slowly made his way out of the water; freezing at the cold air that sucked up against his wet skin. He quickly dried off using his old clothes before he put on new ones. He then found a nice, big rock on the shore for him to sit on while he washed the old clothes to the best of his ability. When he glanced up, Thomas was rising out of the water with dripping hair; washing the soap off. Alex paused his work to watch as the sexy man unknowingly put on a show.

Get your head out of your ass, Hamilton. Alex mentally chided himself. It's never going to happen.

After a while, Alex closed his eyes and Thomas got out of the water and dressed. Alex had washed Thomas' old clothes as well, and now they were all laid out on the rocks to dry. Thomas smiled at him as he sat down next to him.

Alex cleared his throat and scratched his neck, "Thank you for…. I appreciate… Um…"

"You're welcome." Thomas nodded, smiling a little. He fiddled with his wedding ring as he said, "And thank you for, you know, dealing with my depressed ass."

"Of course." Alex replied softly. He glanced over at Thomas, "How do you feel, by the way?"

Thomas paused, thinking. "Right now? Not too bad. Later? ...I don't know."

"Me too." Alex said, looking out at the water.

"Hey." Thomas nudged him, not continuing until Alex looked at him. "We're sticking together, okay? Ride or die."

Something about that made Alex smile. He said, a little teasingly, "Promise?"

"Pinkie promise." Thomas grinned, holding out his pinkie. The two looped their pinkies together and shook on it, chuckling to themsleves.

"Now you'll never get rid of me." Alex grinned, leaning into Thomas' space. The other man laughed and stood up, stepping away. Alex frowned a little at his sudden departure, but didn't bring it up.

Thomas looked nervous as he walked over to the horse that was chomping on some grass. "Yeah, yeah. Hey, uh, have you seen Chien?"

Alex was easily distracted by the change of topic. He stood up as well and looked around. He frowned when he didn't see the animal in sight. He tried to keep his voice casual as he said, "She probably ran off to chase squirrels. She'll come back. Don't worry."

Thomas didn't look so sure, "If you say so…"

The sun was still in the sky, so they decided to keep moving down the road. Alex wrung out their clothes as Thomas hitched the wagon back onto the horse. They climbed onto the horse's back once more and started down the road.

"Are you sure Chien will find us?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah, she'll be able to smell us." Alex assured him. "I promise you, she'll come trotting up in no time."

Thomas was quiet after that, and Alex wasn't sure if it was because of the missing dog or not. He chewed his lip and tried to not let the other man's mood bother him.

The birds chirped lazily as they trotted down the road. Riding a horse on cement was far different than riding a horse on gravel or dirt roads. The wagon was quieter behind them; the ride smoother. Alex was almost lulled to sleep by the rhythmic rocking of the horse's steps. The only thing that was keeping him awake was the anxious fingers that tapped on his hips. Thomas allowed him to hold the reins, while he wrapped his arms around Alex's middle. Every once and awhile, Thomas would lean forward a bit and rest his head on Alex's shoulder. Alex tried not to tense up each time he did it; because when he tensed, Thomas would pull away.

Alex wanted to desperately yell, 'Come back and cuddle me!', but his pride wouldn't allow it. So he suffered in silence as Thomas danced behind him, just out of reach.

"Are those buildings?" Alex asked.

"Looks like it." Thomas nodded. "Another farm house?"

Alex hummed in agreement. "Doesn't look like a farm, though. Just some old buildings."

"Let's check 'em out." Thomas said, his voice right beside Alex's ear. Alex felt a shiver run through him at the feeling of it. He wanted to press his hand to the back of Thomas' head and guide the man's lips to skin. "It'll be dark soon."

They trotted past a car repair shop that had seen better days; an old cafe, and a general store, before they found the first little house. One of few; the town was no larger than four or five football fields. As they rode past, they ignored the rotting corpses that were sitting in the shade. None of them got up to chase them, so there was no point in addressing them.

Thomas smartly picked the house that had a fenced backyard. They got down and unhooked the wagon once more, leading the horse around to the backyard so it can stay in an enclosed yard. Thomas took the gun and broke into the house, while Alex decided he'd check out the little shed that was in the back. He used his knife to try to jimmy the lock. When that didn't work, he just broke off that part of the door and swung it open. He braced himself, just in case, but nothing jumped out at him. Stepping into the dark shed, he looked for some weapons or tools. He frowned when he saw nothing of the sort. A tye-dye tapestry was hanging on the ceiling and there were bean bags on the floor. An old tv sat on a box, a gamecube connected to it. Alex frowned to himself as he stepped further into the shed. Why would someone have a tool shed with no tools in it? If the owner wanted a chill room, why didn't they just use the space in their house?

Alex walked over to a desk that was in the back of the shed. He frowned at the glass objects that were gathering dust on the desktop. Opening one of the drawers, Alex realized what the purpose of the shed was.

"Ah." Alex said, picking up a plastic baggie that had some little green nuggets in it. This was the tamest drug in the desk. Alex scowled at the needles that laid in between an empty pill bottle and a package of white powder. He closed the drawer again. He stared down at the baggie that was in his hands. He chewed his lip as he thought. He hesitated, but eventually shoved the baggie in his pocket. After a second's pause, he grabbed one of the glass objects as well.

Alex left after that, heading into the house. The horse ignored him as he walked past, satisfied to just eat the grass and relax.

"Thomas?" Alex called as he stepped into the house. It was dark, but still brighter than the shed. Alex could see where he was going at least.

"Whoever lived here had a thing for candles." Thomas said as a greeting. He was lighting a candle as he spoke, "I found, like, thirty in the kitchen. I bet an old lately lived here."

"I sincerely doubt that." Alex muttered to himself. He walked up to Thomas, taking the lighter from his hands to help light some more candles.

"There's only one bed." Thomas said, clearing his throat.

Alex forced himself to not smile, he tried to keep his voice casual as he muttered, "Damn. What a shame."

He glanced at Thomas and saw the man was already looking at him, a small smile on his lips. They both started to giggle a little, looking away from each other. Was this- was this flirting? Alex wondered. No, he was imagining it. Alex was certainly excited to share a bed with him; but the feeling wasn't mutual. Clearly.

"Have you checked for food?" Alex asked.

"Not yet." Thomas gestured to the candles. "I thought light was slightly more important."

"Fair enough." Alex took one of the candles - it smelled pleasantly of sugar cookies - and headed into the kitchen to look in the cabinets. Upon opening the first cabinet drawer, Alex almost cried out in joy. Trust a druggie to have piles of junk food on hand. He set down the candle on the counter and instantly started grabbing bags of chips and boxes of cookies. Cereal, fruit snacks, crackers, granola bars; anything Alex had been craving, it was sitting there, ready for the taking.

Alex returned to Thomas with arms full of food. He was grinning ear-to-ear as he said, "Tonight we feast like kings!"

Thomas gasped and excitedly grabbed some of the food from his hands. "Oh my god, thank you Jesus, I'll never doubt you again!"

Alex laughed and followed Thomas into the bedroom. They set up their candles around the room, providing enough light for them to see the snacks in front of them. They ate until they felt sick, and then they moved the food off the bed for later consumption. Alex stretched out on the bed, groaning as his muscles protested. He looked over to see Thomas watching him, the candle light making his already perfect skin even more lovely. Alex wanted to reach out and touch him.

Then he remembered what was in his pocket. He sat up suddenly, saying, "Oh, I got you something."

"It's not even my birthday." Thomas said, a curious tone in his voice.

Alex handed him the glass pipe and the baggie at the same time. "You talked about wanting some, so-"

"Holy shit, I love you so much! Is this real?" Thomas said in a rush, snatching the objects from Alex's hands, "This isn't real, oh my god, there's no way! Thank you weed god!" Thomas opened the baggie and inhaled deeply. He let out the most beautiful groan as he said, "Ugh, this shit's loud!"

"Um. Loud? No, it is I who loves you so much…?" Alex mumbled to himself, amused and excited and embarrassed all at once. He was smiling and felt his cheeks burn a little.

Thomas picked up one of the nugs and pointed to a small part of it, excited, "See how this bit's purple? And the rest is green? This is a hybrid strand; no doubt. Might be medicinal. Oh, this is gonna be good."

"Wait." Alex realized, his senses coming to him. He wrung his hands as he said, "Is- is it a good idea to smoke? What if something happens? What if there's zombies around?"

"Now you sound like Ja-" Thomas huffed. He couldn't finish the word, though, as a shudder ran through him, his eyes suddenly wide and distant. He swallowed hard.

Alex placed a hand on Thomas' shoulder. "Thomas?"

"Please, let me smoke this." Thomas said quietly, his voice shaking a little, "You don't have to, you can stay sober and watch out for danger, if it'll make you feel better. But I- I need this."

"Okay." Alex nodded. "I got it for you, I wanted you to have it. I just didn't want us to forget the risks."

"Thank you." Thomas said, offering him a small smile. "Close the door, for extra protection."

Alex climbed off the bed and closed the bedroom door, locking it just in case. He didn't think of anything about it until he climbed back into bed with Thomas. He paused slightly, realizing that if they were in a different time, a different world; such a thing would have very different implications.

"Do you smoke?" Thomas asked.

"Smoke what?" Alex dumbly replied.

Thomas grinned, shaking his head, "Pot, Hamilton. Do you smoke weed?"

"Oh. No." Alex said, "I probably won't tonight, either. You can have it all, I'll watch over you."

Thomas paused in his pulling the herb apart to look up at Alex. He smiled a closed-mouth smile, his shoulders lowering slightly and his eyes softening. Alex felt heat rise to his cheeks for the umpteeth time today.

It means nothing it means nothing it means nothing. Alex repeated to himself. His stupid, hopeful mind supplied no heterosexual reason for that look, but Alex knew he was just fooling himself. Thomas was just thankful, that's all.

"Thanks." Thomas said softly. "I appreciate it."

"Yeah. Ride or die, right?"

"Right." Thomas grinned and got back to his work of pulling apart the nug. He carefully put the small pieces into the bowl. He was obviously excited - he licked his fingers after he was done handling it. "Now, the question is, do I wanna save it, or smoke it all right now?"

"You should ration it." Alex advised. "You don't know if you'll ever get more."

"Only the strongest of stoners can ration their weed." Thomas told him, picking up the bowl. He held his thumb over the carb and had the lighter hovering over the bowl. He winked at Alex and said, "Moment of truth."

Alex watched as he lit the bowl and inhaled, closing his eyes as he did so. When Thomas tilted his head up and exhaled the smoke, Alex decided he had never seen something so hot before in his life. Alex grabbed his rosary when Thomas moaned and looked at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Man, this shit smacks." Thomas informed him, grinning lazily, "You sure you don't want none?"

"No thank you." Alex voice sounded tight, even to him. But Thomas made no comment and simply took another hit of his bowl. Alex sat in silence and watched as Thomas smoked the entire bowl.

At some point, Alex decided they should get ready for bed while Thomas waited a minute before he packed another bowl. They didn't really have any pajamas, so their version of 'getting ready for bed' was really just 'take your jeans (and binder) off'. So they did.

This is how Alex ended up in bed with a pantless, high Thomas Jefferson. They were still sitting up, their backs against the headboard. Alex was trying to get the dirt out from under his nails as Thomas smoked his second bowl. Alex looked up to see Thomas staring at him with a dopey smile that took up half his face. His eyes were red and he seems to have forgotten that he still had some weed left, because his bowl sat in a limp hand on his lap.

Alex felt self-conscious the longer Thomas stared at him. "What?" Thomas' grin grew and he burst into small giggles, still staring at Alex. Alex started to smile, too, although he was still confused, "What? Why are you staring at me?"

"Nothin', nothin'." Thomas mumbled, tilting his head a little, as if he were trying to find the best angle to stare at Alex. "Y'all're just a cute-ass motherfucker."

Alex felt his face heat up at that. He blinked rapidly and let out a nervous giggle, "Uh- yeah? Um- thank- thank you?"

"You is!" Thomas grinned, leaning forward. He set his bowl and lighter down with great care, taking far too much time to make sure they were safe, before he turned back to Alex. He set his hand down on Alex's thigh, higher than sober Thomas would ever dare. "Did you know that? Did you know you're a cute-ass motherfucker?"

This isn't happening. There's no way this is happening. Maybe Alex fell asleep and this is a dream? Alex's heart was beating so loud he thought it was going to explode. The zombies would be able to hear his heartbeat from miles away. This is how he dies: by zombies or self-combustion, either way it'll be Thomas' fault.

"Thomas-"

"Oh, shit, I'm high." Thomas said suddenly, pulling away. He almost looked sober for a second, with the realization dawning on him. But then he started giggling again and sang to himself, "I'm so high and so dry, I'm sailin' in the sky..." He laughed and looked to Alex, "… I forget the rest."

Alex shook his head and huffed out a laugh. He settled back against the headboard and figured to not worry too much about what Thomas says right now. He's not thinking clearly. So if he compliments Alex, he shouldn't take it too seriously. That being said, he was definitely going to enjoy every second of this.
Thomas remembered that he had more weed in his bowl then, and he took another hit, happily blowing a ring of smoke. He grinned and stuck his finger through the ring, watching as it faded away. He turned to Alex and froze, staring at him once more.

Alex's blush had just started to fade. He was calming himself down when he looked up at Thomas. The high man slowly started smiling, his gaze darting up and down Alex's face.
"Why do you keep staring at me?" Alex asked, grinning.

"Cuz I forget how pretty you are 'til I lookit ya." Thomas said, a little shy. His eyes widened suddenly and he grabbed Alex's arm, "Am I allowed to call you pretty? Cuz you are! Boys can be pretty."

Alex laughed, nodding, "Yeah, it's okay to call me pretty."

"Good." Thomas said, relaxing. His hand stayed on Alex's arm. "Man, I skipped right past buzzed. I am- I am high."

"You've mentioned that." Alex grinned.

"It's cuz I haven't eaten. And I haven't smoked in forever." Thomas explained, waving his hand dismissively. "But you know what? I'm of the option- opinion that you can always get higher."

Alex shrugged and gestured to the bowl in Thomas' hands, "Go for it. I'll still be here."

"Promise?" Thomas asked, his voice sounding almost like a little boy's; scared and hopeful and sad all at once.

"Pinkie promise, remember?" Alex said, holding out his pinkie.

Thomas stared at it for a long time before he held out his own pinkie and squished them together. Different from normal pinkie promise fashion, but Alex was willing to allow it. Although the process was unique, the effect was still legally binding.

"Hella." Thomas said, taking his pinkie back to smoke some more.

It was quiet. From out the window, Alex could see the horse chilling outside. It ate some, then would walk two feet, and eat some more. Alex remembered reading somewhere that horses sleep standing up, and he was thankful that humans didn't do the same. His feet would fall off if that were the case.

Briefly, Alex wonders if he'd get a contact high from sitting next to Thomas. He doesn't feel any different yet, though, so he figures he's probably alright. Things were pretty quiet, even if he did get a little high, he doubts a zombie would come bursting into the room. He hopes.

"I wanna braid your hair." Thomas said suddenly.

Alex looked up in surprise, "What?"

"Can I?" Thomas asked, "Braid your hair?"

"Sure." Alex shifts so his back is to Thomas and the other man gently lifts his hair off his neck. Alex closes his eyes and enjoys the feeling of fingers sliding through his hair. It's calming; soft and soothing. Alex feels himself smile a little as Thomas curses quietly.

"Ah, fucked that bit up." He mutters.

A minute later and Thomas presents him with one thick braid going down his head. Alex smiles as he feels it with his fingers. "Not too bad."
"I ain't got no rubber band." Thomas said apologetically, "It'll come out."
"That's okay. I like it anyway." Alex assured him. "I don't have any hair ties either. All of mine broke."

Thomas pouted, "The apocalypse sucks."

Alex snorted, "That's where you draw the line? Zombies are chill, but no hair ties? Unacceptable."

"Tis be true." Thomas said, shrugging. He leaned back and tilted his head up, looking at the ceiling. "I was learning how to braid hair for when Minnie got older. I was learning all kinds of hairstyles. I couldn't wait to do her hair before school one day. ...I never did."

Alex frowned, worried that Thomas would get upset again. Thomas' head rolled as he looked at him once more. He stared at Alex with a somewhat blank face. Alex had no clue what was going through his mind.

Suddenly, Thomas said without preamble, "Can I kiss you?"

Alex immediately felt his face burst into flames, "W-what?! Why?!"

Thomas shrugged nonchalantly, looking down at his lap, "Because I'm lonely. And high. And you're here. And cute. And I really wanna kiss you right now." He looked back up at Alex and raised an eyebrow.

"Because you're high?" Alex asked, his voice a little uncertain. He didn't want Thomas to want him just because he was intoxicated. He wanted something genuine, intimate, and real. Something he couldn't get in a zombie apocalypse.

"Is that okay?" Thomas asked, frowning a little at Alex; focusing on his expression. Alex didn't know the effects of cannabis very well; he had never done it and neither had his friends. So he wasn't sure what was going through Thomas' head. He figured it was best to be careful.

"...Yeah." He said after a moment of thinking. Thomas smiled brightly, and Alex quickly added, "But, uh, not on the lips? Since you're intoxicated, we shouldn't really do anything too … explicit. Keep it PG-13."

Thomas was nodding, his head bobbing for a few seconds too long. "Yeah, yeah, that makes sense." He stopped bobbing. He grinning and pointed at Alex, raising an eyebrow, "Thirteen year olds get away with a lotta shit."

"Nothing under clothing." Alex said firmly. "And no kissing lips. Not until you're sober."

"I'm basically sober right now." Thomas said, a slanted grin on his lips. He held out his arms in a wide gesture as he said, "I'm just living life!"

Alex snorted, shaking his head, "Somehow I don't believe that. I just watched you smoke two bowls."

"You are a good lawyer." Thomas giggled, a noise that made Alex smile and ignore his fluttering heart. Thomas then leaned forward, his hand coming up to cup Alex's cheek. It was warm and made Alex suck in a sharp breath. He stared into Thomas' dark eyes, enthralled by the intense focus the man had on him. Thomas licked his lips, his eyes locked on Alex's neck. "Hmm… can I leave pretty little bruises on your neck?"

Alex swallowed hard, already nodding before he could think through the consequences of the situation. "That's - that's okay."

In a flash, Thomas was instantly pressed against him. His hand moved to the back of Alex's neck, holding him in place, as his lips immediately found the juncture between Alex's neck and shoulder. Alex melted under his attention; letting out a sharp hiss as Thomas bit down on him. Thomas' tongue lapped at the bite mark, like an apology; before he sucked in the same spot. Alex closed his eyes, his breath hitching.

Thomas' hands moved to under Alexander's legs; without removing his mouth, the man picked Alex up and moved him on top of his lap. Alex groaned at the new position, letting his hands curl into Thomas' hair. Thomas moved up his neck, inch by inch, marking him up with all kinds of bites and scrapes. Alex couldn't stop the small, pleased noises that escaped his lips. His arms were wrapped around Thomas' head, keeping the man as close as possible.

"Fuckin' pretty boy." Thomas mumbled against his neck, "Pretty noises."

Alex couldn't help but let out a sharp gasp at that. Thomas' hands found Alex's hips, pulling him closer. Alex groaned at the strength behind those arms. Thomas could break him, easily; and yet, he always treats him so gently.

Just as Alex thought that, Thomas bit down on his collarbone, causing Alex to cry out. Thomas purred happily as he placed another hickey there. He moved up a moment later and bit Alex's shoulder. Thomas seemed to have a thing for biting. Alex didn't really mind.

Alex felt heat rise to his cheeks as Thomas sucked on his pulse point. The immigrant moaned and held Thomas there with all his strength, "Fuck- Thomas-"

"Hmmm." Thomas hummed, his hands traveling up Alex's body. He stayed above clothes, as instructed, and made sure to not travel too high or too low; keeping in the safe-zone of Alex's tummy. Alex told himself to praise sober Thomas for high Thomas' appropriateness. Alexander, however, was not following his rules.

He didn't realize he was rocking his hips until it was too late. By the time he realized it, he decided he wasn't going to stop. Thomas seemed to appreciate his movements and he didn't want to disappoint Thomas, right?

"God, you're gorgeous." Thomas whispered, his breath hot against Alex's skin.

Alex replied, just as breathless, "Look who's talking."

Thomas pulled back to look at him. He blinked rapidly, a wide grin slowly forming. He hid his face in Alex's neck, and Alex was sure that the heat there was from more than just his breath. Alex laughed at the feeling and mumbled, "What is it?"

"Nothin'." Thomas mumbled, "Nothin'."

"It doesn't seem like nothing." Alex grinned, feeling like he was flying. He was breathing hard and his body felt weightless. He was forgetting himself; letting himself believe that this was something he could have.

Instead of continuing the conversation, Thomas turned his face and bit down hard on Alex's neck. Alex groaned and his hips jerked. Thomas let out a growl as he fiercely pulled Alex's hips closer once more; keeping them in place as his own hips reached upwards.

Both men let out groans as their rocking got faster. Alex tugged on Thomas' hair and tilted his head up, staring into the other man's eyes. Their breaths intermingled as they panted rapidly. Alex almost leaned down and almost kissed Thomas, but then he remembered that the other man was high. His groan that time wasn't from the pleasure. Thomas whined as he pulled away, but Alex knew if his face stayed that close to him, he wouldn't be able to say no again.

Thomas returned to Alex's neck, moving to the other side. He gave it the same rough treatment as the first; now with the added bouncing of their hips. Alex cursed himself for setting up the PG-13 rule. Why would he do that when there was a gorgeous sex god that was desperately grinding against him? Why did he have to be responsible for once in his life? Alex let his mind wander; imagining all the things he could have had Thomas to do him, if he were a little more careless.

"My pretty boy." Thomas mumbled in Alex's ear, before he moved to kiss his jaw. Alex's already dark blush darkened even more at the words. He nodded enthusiastically, pressing himself against Thomas until there was no space between them. Their boxers left very little to the imagination; Alex knew exactly where to grind to get happily little gasps from Thomas. He could feel the moisture growing in his own boxers.

"T-Thomas, Thomas, stop." Alex heard himself say. He was sweaty and hot; his hands shaking from pleasure. He was gripping Thomas' hair, gently pulling him away from his neck. Thomas let out a disappointed groan, but looked up at Alex obediently. Alex rested his forehead on Thomas', taking a second to catch his breath. He swallowed and licked his lips, "We- we have to stop, or we'll do something you'll regret tomorrow."

"I won't regret this." Thomas said firmly, leaning up to press his lips against Alex's. Alex leaned back, turning his head away as he did so. Alex looked up at the ceiling and cursed God for putting such a difficult challenge before him. How was he supposed to not fuck someone so beautiful and helpless?

Alex let out a soft sigh, knowing what he had to do. He looked back at Thomas, removing his hands from his hair. He fiddled with his rosary as he said quietly, "You don't know that. You can't guarantee that sober you wouldn't be upset. I- I can't take that risk. You're all I have left and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt you. So, we have to take it down a notch."

Thomas stared at him for a moment; slowly he removed his hands from Alex's hips. He nervously fiddled with his shirt and glanced away. His voice was a little scared as he said, "Am I in trouble?"

"No! No! You've done nothing wrong!" Alex said, quickly trying to sooth the stoned man. "We just can't have sex!"

The man looked a little unsure. He reached forward, hesitantly, for Alex's hand. Almost like he was being held back, he couldn't close the gap. His hand stayed a few inches away from Alex's still reaching. Alex looked up from their hands to see Thomas was staring at the wall next to them. His next question was, "Can I keep kissing you?"

"Yes." Alex said, doing what Thomas couldn't and intertwining their fingers together. "But, like, be chill about it, okay?"

Thomas finally looked up at him. He saw Alex's small smile and relaxed; nodding. "Chill vibes."

"Chill vibes." Alex repeated, a laugh in his voice.

Eventually, they shifted until they were both lying down. Alex had an arm around Thomas' shoulders as the man rested his head on Alex's chest. Thomas' other arm was wrapped around Alex's middle. At one point, Alex carefully reached up and intertwined their fingers. Thomas was more than happy to oblige.

Thomas' kisses were long and lazy; slow drags of his lips against already red skin. It was calming. Peaceful. Alex felt his heart rate lower until he was sleepy. Thomas' arms were wrapped around him protectively, and Alex ran a hand up and down Thomas' back. Every now and again, Alex would gasp at the scrap of teeth, or a small nibble; or Thomas would let out the happiest sigh. Other than that, the two were silent as sleep washed over them. Even as he was falling asleep, Thomas still had his mouth pressed against Alex's skin.

Lazily, Alex turned his head and pressed a kiss to Thomas' forehead. The other man let out a very quiet, slightly surprised, "Oh.", which made Alex smile. Thomas pressed one last, tiny peck to Alex's shoulder before he dozed off entirely.

Alex forced himself to soak up every second of this, because he knew as soon as the sun came up that it wouldn't happen ever again.

Alexander woke up to a sudden cold and someone hissing out, "Shit!"

He blinked awake, squinting in the early light. He groaned and rolled over, looking for Thomas. The man was sitting up, staring down at him in horror. Confused, Alex sat up on his elbows, he yawned and rubbed his eyes, "Tom? What's wrong?"

"I-I am so sorry." Thomas said, covering his mouth with his hands. His gaze was staring down at Alex's neck. Alex forced himself to be fully awake then, sitting up. He placed his hand on Thomas' knee, his concern growing each second.

"What? Why are you sorry?" Alex asked.

"I wasn't thinking, I was high. I didn't realize it would be that bad and-" Thomas stopped, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and said, "Go look in the mirror."

Still frowning, Alex got up and made his way to the bathroom. He found another candle, which he lit. As he stood in front of the mirror, candle in hand, it was clear to him what had horrified Thomas so badly.

He couldn't stop himself from shouting, "Thomas, what the fuck!?"

Deep, dark bruises covered almost all of Alex's neck. He felt like there wasn't one part of his neck that wasn't touched. Hickies up and down him, from chin to collarbone. He could see distinct bite marks in some places. His fingers gently brushed over one of the bigger ones. He shook his head, still staring at them.

"I look like I was beaten." Alex said, quieter this time. He swallowed at the sight of it. Even quieter than that, he mumbled, "Like I was claimed."

He could hear Thomas' hesitant footsteps approach him. Alex cleared his throat and forced himself to stop thinking such gay thoughts. It didn't matter that the sight of the hickies made his heart flutter a little. He had more important things to think about.

Thomas hovered near the doorway, his eyes wide as he watched Alex in the mirror. Alex could see his hands were shaking a little, the man must be really worried about this. Alex frowned at that. Thomas spoke quietly, "I'm so sorry!"

"I can see your teeth marks." Alex muttered, tracing along one bruise.

"...Sorry." Thomas flinched.

"I have a job interview today, now I'll never get it!" Alex said, turning to glare at Thomas. He broke character when Thomas' eyebrows twitched in confusion. Alex couldn't help but grin, nudging the other man, "I don't care. It's fine."

"You're… not mad?" Thomas asked slowly.

"Nah. I was surprised, they look horrible." But they felt so good. Alex silently added. He shrugged and patted Thomas' shoulder, "You're fine, don't worry."

He walked past the other man, going to pack up his things. He missed the look of utter relief on Thomas' face.

They didn't stick along for much longer. The cluster of buildings had little to offer. Thomas took a moment to call for Chien, but the dog was nowhere in sight. As they shoved everything into their bags, Alex glanced up to see Thomas staring at him. The man's face darkened and he looked away, leaving Alex to wonder just how embarrassed he was for his actions last night.

Should Alex apologize too? He was the sober one, he should have stopped Thomas from doing anything embarrassing. He told himself to have a better, longer conversation with Thomas over it later. Alex ran his fingers over his neck, where he new countless hickies sat innocently. He bit his lip to keep from smiling.

Regardless of the … evidence on his neck, Alex would happily let Thomas do it again. And again. Maybe tonight. Or tomorrow. He's not picky.

When they climbed back on the horse and started down the road once more, Alex caught Thomas' stare once more. The man was sitting behind him, per usual, and he licked his lips as the up-close sight of Alex's bruises. Alex smirked, shooting Thomas a wink, before turning around to face forward.

Thomas didn't wrap his arms around Alex's waist this time. He let Alex take the reigns and he kept as much space between them as possible on the small saddle. Alex tried to not over think things, but it was clear that this was bothering Thomas. He really should bring it up.

So, he started to plan an argument in his head.

It's okay that you made out with my neck like a starving vampire. He would say.

Great, because I want to do it again. Thomas would reply.

Perfect! Let's pull the horse over and make out right now! And then they'd have a glorious make out session on the side of the road, and since they're both sober, Thomas would kiss more than just his neck. And maybe they'd move some stuff around in the wagon, and use of the new space. And maybe they'd like it so much that they'd keep doing it. And Thomas would tell him that he loves him. And they'd get married. And a zombie would altar their wedding. And Chien would come back so they can have a dog again. And they'd live happily ever after.

No, no. He had to be realistic here. Alex scolded himself. It's fine to make-believe, but not when planning serious conversations. He has to focus. Try again.

Are you okay? Alex would start. That's a good way to start serious conversations.

Yeah. Thomas would say, because he doesn't want to worry Alex.

You know we're alright, right?

What do you mean? Thomas would ask.

Well, Alex mentally paused, because he was supposed to be thinking. I don't mind the hickies. And I liked the kissing. You might have been high, but I was sober. If I didn't like anything, I would have stopped it. I did stop it. So it's okay. You don't have to feel guilty or awkward or anything. I had fun.

And Thomas would probably hesitate, unsure. Then he'd say something like, Do they hurt? Because he's considerate.

No. Alex would reply, Not really.

So, do you want to do it again? Thomas would ask, all shy and adorable. And Alex would agree, and they'd pull the horse over and make out, and you know the rest.

Perfect.

Now Thomas just has to follow Alex's personal, mental script that he's not going to share. What could go wrong? Alex cleared his throat and said, "Uh, hey, Thomas?"

"Yeah?" Thomas said, already sounding unsure.

"I was wondering…" Alex said, turning around as much as he could on a horse. Thomas looked like he was holding his breath. Alex gathered his courage. This was so much easier in his head. Thomas glanced away from him, over his shoulder at the road ahead of them. Alex cleared his throat a little and said, "Are… are you oka-"

"What's that?" Thomas interrupted, leaning closer. But he wasn't looking at Alex, he was squinting at something in front of them. Alex turned around, confused. He completely forgot about what he was saying at the sight of a van on the side of the road. That wasn't the strange part, there were abandoned vehicles all over the place. What was strange was the noise.

It made Alex pause, as the horse got closer to the van and the noise grew louder. It was loud and shrill, rising and falling every once and awhile. Alex stopped the horse when they were five feet away. He gasped as the realization hit him.

"Thomas, that's a-"

But Thomas was already off the horse, running up to the van. Alex had a strange sense of deja-vu as he climbed off the horse as well. He jogged up to the van, watching as Thomas broke the glass in the back seat using the butt of his gun. The noise grew louder and Alex flinched at the sound of it.

Thomas, frantic, reached through the broken window to pull up the lock on the door. He then threw the door open and reached into the van. Alex covered his mouth with his hands as Thomas returned with a small, screaming bundle in his hands.

Breathing hard, Thomas' gaze snapped up to Alex's face, he didn't know what to say, and neither did Alex. It was clear neither of them had any idea what to do with the crying, terrified baby in Thomas' arms.

Tell me what you think!