Alexander woke up shivering; his teeth clenched together, just painful enough to jerk him into awakening. As he tried to stand up, his mind grew fuzzy and he could feel the world spinning a thousand miles an hour. He took a shaky breath and sat back down, closing his eyes and focusing on his breathing.

The sensation passed a moment later, and Alex blinked his eyes open. He was sweating and panting, despite the fact that he could see his own breath. He looked up and his gaze instantly searched for Thomas' familiar, bushy afro.

Thomas was, bizarrely, doing push up in the dirt a few feet away from the wagon. Alex watched as his body went up, down, up, down, in quick succession. He found himself breathless once more.

Alex forced himself to look away, turning to the rest of the wagon, where Baby sat peacefully. She was asleep, but it didn't look like for long. She was squirming and her face was scrunched up. Alex could tell she was going to wake up soon. She must've read his mind, because she opened her eyes and gave a giant, angry, wail.

Thomas jumped up instantly, jogging over to them. Alex felt tired just looking at him. How did he have so much energy? Alex just wanted to lay back down and not get up again.

"Hey, shh, shh, shh," He said, picking the baby up carefully over the side of the wagon. He shot Alex a smile as he bounced Baby in his arms. Baby just continued crying. "Maybe she's hungry."

Alex shook his head, "Look at her fingers, they're turning blue, she's cold."

Baby only had her blankie wrapped around her, which wasn't too thick to begin with. Alex sympathized with her, he also woke up freezing and wanting to cry.

He took off his sweater and laid it out in front of him. He then took Baby from Thomas and carefully placed her inside his sweater. He folded up the bottom of the sweater, and then wrapped the sleeves of the sweater around Baby's small tummy twice, and tied the sleeves together. This effectively swaddled Baby, making her look more like a large, fluffy, screaming, tater tot. Baby stopped screaming once Alex cradled her close to his chest, and she finally fell back asleep.

Thomas let out a low whistle, "That's impressive."

"I know a few things." Alex shrugged, winking.

Thomas leaned against the wagon, smiling a little, "How'd you sleep?"

"Alright. I'm lightheaded now, though." Alex said, frowning in thought. His stomach ached and he itched to jump into a pool of water. It wasn't hard to figure out what's wrong.

"You're hungry." Thomas said.

"I'm starving." Alex corrected, with no sense of hyperbole. "You are, too, so you really shouldn't be doing pushups first thing in the morning."

Thomas shrugged, but nodded; like he knew what he doing was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself. "Exercising calms me down. I used to do it every morning, and I just- I guess I needed to get back into the routine."

"We can't afford for you to get back into the routine." Alex chided gently, "Thomas, we need to find more food, soon."

"I know. But we'd have to go into the next town we see, and I don't want to bring Baby in there," Thomas said, gently brushing his hand over Baby's covered head. "And I don't want to leave you alone with her."

"Then you stay with Baby, and I'll go into the city and get more supplies." Alex said, but before he even finished his sentence, Thomas was already shaking his head.

"No, no," He said, "I'd much rather leave you here, with the horse, who could take you far away if trouble happens. You don't need to go into the dangerous areas, especially not alone."

Alex scoffed, "Thomas, unlike you, I can run. I'm not worried about escaping out of a tricky situation, I've done it before."

Thomas growled, "Don't fight me on this, Hamilton. If I say you stay here, where it's safe, then you stay here, okay?"

"Who made you in charge?" Alex asked. He doesn't know why he's picking fights, but he couldn't stop himself. He was hungry and tired and his body was sore - it was hard to remember that they were on the same team.

Thomas blinked, startled, before he huffed, "Look, I'm just trying to keep my Number One alive, okay? I'm not the bad guy here."

"Well, neither am I." Alex muttered, ignoring the way his heart fluttered. Focus, Hamilton. He told himself, he just doesn't want to be alone with a baby. He nodded to Thomas and said, "I just want to make sure you don't do anything stupid and reckless. I don't know if you've heard, but that's my department."

Thomas watched him for a second, before he tipped his head back and groaned loud enough for God to hear him. He rubbed his face and mumbled, "We need a third person to settle our arguments."

Alex heard what he didn't want to say, what he couldn't say. It echoed in the wind around them, rustling with the falling leaves.

We need James.

Alex couldn't help but agree. A deep ache fills his bones and he wished, once more, that he wasn't in this situation. Briefly, he contemplated laying down in the middle of the road and not getting up. He imagined the weather changing, snow falling on top of him, covering him until there was no trace of a body under the white blanket…

Baby makes a whining noise in her sleep, she shifts closer to Alex, and both men find themselves sharing a smile. Thomas chuckles and brushes his fingers over Baby's cold cheek, "Yeah, sorry, darlin'. You're the third person, we know. Our apocalypse team wouldn't be complete without you."

Almost as if she heard him, Baby whined again, sounding far more satisfied. Alex chuckled, looking up at Thomas. The other man took a deep breath and then patted the wagon twice. "Okay. Let's get going, then. We'll continue this debate later." Thomas said, heading over to hook up the horse. Alex twisted around and watched him work. He hesitated, uncertain about moving. He spoke up once Thomas was done.

"Can I sit back here?" Alex asked, "With Baby?"

Thomas paused in his process of climbing up on the saddle. He frowned a little and moved closer to the wagon, inspecting him, "You feel okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Alex said, unable to make eye contact. "I just… need a rest?"

"And sitting on a horse isn't restful?" Thomas asked, his tone light and teasing.

Alex shrugged, "Not exactly."

Thomas waved it off, "No worries. You can even go back to sleep, if you want. Just make sure you don't squish Baby."

Alex bit his lip, guilt washing over him, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, no worries." Thomas grinned, and Alex wondered just how forced the expression was. He could never really tell when Thomas was genuine or not. But when he spoke next, his voice was soft and his tone warm. His eyes were gentle and Alex felt like he was being wrapped up in a blanket just from looking at him. A shiver went down Alex's spine as Thomas promised, "I'll take care of you."

He nodded and laid back down, holding Baby close to him. A moment later, he could hear Thomas climb onto the horse, and then they were off once more. Alex closed his eyes and cuddled close to Baby, hoping to keep her warm. The rocking of the wagon put Alex into a quick and much-needed sleep.

When Alexander woke up, the first thing on his mind was 'I need to talk to Thomas'. It had been a few days since they were at the druggie's house, and Thomas got high and - ahem - enjoyed himself. But they hadn't talked about it. Alex tried, but every time he brought it up they got interrupted, or Thomas would change the subject. It was frustrating, to say the least, because Alex had no clue what Thomas was thinking half the time. Did he regret it? Alex certainly hoped not.

Baby was still sleeping, so Alex shifted around until she was settled in a safe spot on the wagon, and he could sit up to look around. Thomas was no longer on the horse, instead, he chose to walk beside it as they trotted along.

"Good morning." Alex said, startling the other man out of his thoughts. He turned and looked at him, quickly wiping at his face. It was clear the other man was upset, but Alex didn't want to pry. If Thomas wanted his help, he would ask for it. Besides, he was probably just upset about their situation; being alone with your thoughts wasn't a good option for those who had trauma. There wasn't a whole lot Alex could do to fix that.

Thomas cleared his throat, "Hey. You're up."

"Why are you walking." Alex asked as a response.
"I got tired of sitting still. The horse is nice, but it gets … I don't know the right word, but, disorienting? Just sitting there, doing nothing all day." Thomas shrugged, "I needed something to do, even if it was just walking."

Alex nodded, "Who knew the apocalypse would be so boring."

Thomas chuckled at that, "It's certainly not like the movies."

And that's true. No one talks about all the dead time you have to waste, because there's nothing to do and nothing to distract you. It's like taking a long road trip, without any phones or books or music, and you just sit in silence because you're afraid that if you're too loud, another car will come by and smash into you, killing you and everyone you love. It's a strange mix between being constantly anxious and constantly bored.

Alex leans on the edge of the wagon, propping his head up with his hand. "So… my hickies are fading."

Thomas almost trips.

Alex watches with a smirk as the other man stumbled and regains balance, his face red and his gaze focused on the ground. Thomas doesn't reply, too busy imagining the error 404 window, so Alex continues, tracing the wood of the wagon with his finger, "It might be time to make some more…?"

"W-w-what?!" Thomas looks up at him, then. Alex thinks he sees fear in those eyes, and he forces himself to reel it back in. Okay, obviously, Thomas doesn't like him. He should stop while he's ahead.

Alex swallows hard, looking away. "Only if you want to. I just thought… since you needed something to do."

"I'm- I'm sober." Thomas said, his eyes boring deep into Alexander's. He looks like he's trying to project his thoughts into Alex's head, but the smaller man is just lost. What does that mean? He doesn't want to touch Alex unless he's high? Ouch.

"Ah. Right." Alex said quietly, leaning back. "Sorry."

"No, I mean-" Thomas said, before letting out a soft huff. Now Thomas looks - disappointed? -, turning to stare back down the road they were going down. The horse slowed to a halt, getting distracted by a puddle. It leaned down to drink the dirty water, swishing its tail as it did. Thomas came to a stop next to the wagon. Since Alex was sitting on top of it, they were almost eye-to-eye. It made Alex feel tall. Thomas shook his head and muttered to himself, "I'm so confused."

Alex sighed and looked up at the sky. His voice was quiet as he replied, "Me too."

Thomas sucked in a deep breath and then turned to Alexander, "Were you lying when you said I could touch you?" Surprised, Alex didn't say anything. He couldn't find the words. Thomas carried on, his eyes calculating, his tone even. But Alex could see the way Thomas' hands were shaking. "Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all." Alex said, shaking his head, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

Thomas gestured to the fading hickies on Alex's neck, "Oh, you mean that little stunt just then?"

Alex frowned, his eyes narrowing, "Little stunt?"

"You're making fun of me." Thomas said, his hands clenched into fists, "Aren't you?"

Alex leaned forward, his pitch rising, "Why would I be making fun of you?" He forced himself to take a deep breath. Getting in a fight wouldn't help anything. Alexander's completely lost on why Thomas lashed out, but he wasn't going to fall for the bait. He gave the other man a smile, holding out his hand, "Thomas, if touching me helps you, then you can do it whenever you want. I thought you knew this."

Thomas blinked hard, his eyes locked on Alexander's hand. He carefully reached for it, like he thought Alex was going to snatch it away. When their fingers brushed, Thomas relaxed. Alex's smile grew to be more genuine and he brushed his thumb up and down Thomas' hand. Thomas shook his head, scoffing at himself, "I'm sorry. I'm in a weird headspace…"

"Are you okay?" Alex asked, giving Thomas' hand a squeeze. "I'm worried about you."

Thomas stared at Alex for a long time, his eyes darting between Alexander's, like he wasn't sure which on to focus on. He let out a shuddering breath and then leaned forward suddenly. His hand that was holding Alex's slid up to cup his face gently. He licked his lips, his eyes trained on Alex's mouth. Closer, closer, closer-

Alex squeaked and pulled back, Thomas' face only inches away from his own. His cheeks flushed, and his mouth went dry. He could only hear the thundering of his own blood in his ears.
Alex's voice definitely did not squeak as he asked, "W-what are you doing?!"

Thomas' expression was raw, vaulerable, and Alex had no idea why. His hand dropped from Alex's cheek, leaving his skin cold without the contact. Thomas swallowed hard and said quietly, "I- sorry, I just, you said that …. And with James-"

"James never let you kiss him." Alex said, stupidly. In his head, his brain was screaming at him 'What are you doing!? This is what you want! Let him kiss you!' But Alex just couldn't. He was too startled, too confused, he needed to know what was going on. He hated being in the dark and it feels like he was just plummeted into the deep ocean with no sunlight in sight.

Thomas opened his mouth to speak, but what came out instead was a cry. No, that wasn't Thomas. That was Baby. Alex turned to see the infant, wailing beside him. He found himself relaxing, knowing that the tension in the air had dissipated. Still, he kicked himself for interrupting them. Now he'll never know what could have been.

"I-I got it." He said under his breath as he grabbed Baby and held her close to his chest. She continued crying, and Alex realized that she hadn't eaten yet today. Make that two of us, he thought as he dug around the baby bag for something for her to eat. He looked up at Thomas, who was watching him carefully. Alex held up the formula packet, "This is the last one."

It took Thomas a moment to respond, his gaze slowly sliding from Alex's face to the packet. He nodded once; Alex could see the gears turning in his head. "Okay. ...Okay."

Alex fixed up her drink and watched as Thomas paced. He frowned a little, "You better not be planing anything stupid."

"Me? Never." Thomas replied without looking up. Alex pouted, but Baby had stopped screaming, so he figured the issue could wait a moment longer. Still, he looked down at the child in his arms, a dark feeling sinking into his chest. He knew this was a mistake the moment Thomas picked her up, but they were stuck on this ride now, and it was only a matter of time before they crashed.

It started raining, and this time Alex was less than excited about it. He had Baby in his lap, and wrapped them both up in a blanket. While Baby was dry and warm, the wet blanket stuck to Alex's shoulders, and made him shiver. Thomas was sitting in the rain, on the horse's back, keeping them moving forward. Alex watched as water poured on the other man, dripping down his back, flattening his hair.

"You're going to get sick." Alex called after a few minutes of silence. A particularly cold raindrop fell on the top of his head; Alex could feel it roll slowly down his face, dropping off his chin. A sense of unease filled him, for just a moment. He took a deep breath. He would not get scared. It was just rain. He would not freak out. He's not drowning.

Thomas shrugged, but didn't speak, nor did he turn around.

Alex frowned, his breath quickening. He called again, "Thomas. Come on, we need to stay warm."

Still, nothing. Alex's eyes snapped shut and the cold embraced him. Thunder boomed and Alex flinched. He felt like he was being sucked lower and lower, dropping through the floor and into the darkness. He could see Thomas looking down at him, getting smaller and smaller until there was nothing but the empty abyss of panic.

"THOMAS, PLEASE!" Alex shouted, scaring Baby into crying. All Alex could focus on was the sound of the storm, the rain falling down on them, filling up the wagon, soaking, sopping, freezing, crying, dirty, drowning, dying-

"Hey, hey! It's okay, I got you, I got you." Strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer, and suddenly Alex felt like the baby. He pressed his face against the strong chest, focusing on the slow, even movements of the other man breathing. The heartbeat under his ear was pounding rapidly, and Alex tried to use it to block out the sound of the storm. Thomas was shaking, but his voice was firm, "I'm so sorry, precious, I didn't realize you were having an anxiety attack, I didn't mean…"

Alex swallowed hard, forcing himself to calm down. He was clutching Thomas, Baby still in his lap, the horse had stopped walking, and everything felt still. He opened his eyes to look up at Thomas.

"You're okay." Thomas tells him calmly. "If you're in my arms, you're safe."

Numbly, Alex nodded.

Thomas' arms are safe. Stay in his arms.

The comment was damning; his mind had already decided that it was truth. A rule, a purpose. In order to survive, he must return to Thomas' arms. He relaxed, pressing himself against the other man's chest. He was in Thomas' arms and therefore, he's safe.

The rain lightened slightly, now just a drizzle. Baby had stopped crying once Alex calmed down, Thomas was able to sooth her as well. They were all sitting in the wagon, wet and cold and hungry. The horse trotted along slowly, not minding the cold as much as the humans. The road stretched forward; a large wooden house sits three hundred feet ahead of them. Alex was dozing, still pressed up against Thomas; wrapped in the other man's arms. His spoons were almost used up just from his panic attack.

Briefly, his mind drifts to Pegs. He's once again glad that his friend had not had to suffer through the apocalypse. While it's torture for anyone to go through, he's sure that others (perhaps Pegs included) would have had it worse than he. Death is a mercy, he decides. If only God were merciful upon him...

Suddenly, the horse whinnied loudly, turning it's head from side to side, like it was looking for something. Thomas sat up suddenly, his grip on Alex tightening, "Whoa, hey girl! Calm down!"

But the horse wasn't listening to him. It's tail swished in agitation, it's ears bent backwards as it shifted on it's feet.

"Maybe it's another dog." Alex joked quietly, his nerves in his voice.

"I'm sure it's nothing…" Still, as Thomas was saying that, he climbed out of the wagon. He walked forward, his hands raised, trying to calm the large beast. Alex shifted around, holding Baby tightly. He peered into the farmland surrounding them. The corn was high, and Alex could only imagine the scene from that one Jurassic Park movie when the raptors jump out of the high grass and eat everyone.

The air felt heavy, thick with the humidity of the storm. The wind blew, ripping leaves off of trees, and stinging Alex's face. Baby whined in his arms, kicking and squirming. Alex glanced down at her for a second, before looking back up.

The wind rustled the corn, and Alex's eyes were drawn to the movement. Something didn't feel right, and it put Alex's nerves on edge.

"Thomas…." Alex said in a warning, his gaze locked with the corn. Thomas glanced at him, before following his stare. A moment later, something stepped out of the corn, a dark shadow of anger and hatred. Thomas gestured for Alex to throw him the gun, which he did, and the other man caught. He cocked it, holding the shotgun up with perfect aim. Without hesitating, Thomas pulled the trigger.

The bang echoed around them, and the world fell silent, listening to the sound. Alex looked to Thomas, who stepped closer to the dead body. He examined it and then peered into the corn. He took a step back to the wagon and said, "Don't worry, there was only one-"

The zombies seemed to not know that; seeing as how twenty of them jumped out of the corn, one by one, snarling and biting at the air. Alex felt pure fear shoot down his spine. Instantly, Thomas cursed, turned, and slapped the horse's ass; sending the animal, and the wagon, sprinting down the road. Alex almost fell back from the movement.

Once he regained his balance, Alex turned back to the scene behind him. Thomas had his back to him, gun raised as he shot zombie after zombie. It seemed like every time he killed one, another took it's place. Alex screamed out, holding out his hand, "THOMAS!"

Alex watched as the man shot one more zombie, then he must've decided it was useless, because he turned and sprinted in the direction of the cart. The horse was running at top speed, making for a bumpy ride, and there was no way the crippled man would ever catch them.

The zombies took chase, Alex couldn't look away. Thomas was on his own, they only had one gun- no wait!

Alex scrambled, careful to not knock a crying Baby, to find the handgun that Baby's parents had used for their double suicide. It was inside a bag or something? Somewhere, somewhere- there!

Alex grabbed the gun and turned back towards Thomas and the zombies. Alex never considered himself the best shot in the world, especially since he only just started the practice, but he had to put faith in himself and in God that he wouldn't hit Thomas.

Alex tried his best to aim while the horse was running, the road uneven, but it was hard to lock onto the moving targets. He sucked in a breath and fired, unsurprised when he missed. He shot again and again, aiming for the zombies that were a little to the left or right of Thomas, praying that the man wouldn't be harmed. With each trigger being fired, Baby screamed louder and louder, terrified of the loud noises. Alex wanted to cry with her, but he had to be strong.

He realized, suddenly, that Thomas would not be able to run forever, and neither would the horse. Now, Alex didn't get a shit about the horse's life, but Thomas's he gave many, many shits about. And if anything were to happen to him - he didn't want to think about that.

Alex turned and looked forward, trying to find some escape. His eyes locked on the house that sat a few dozen yards away. There. The horse may be in danger outside, but Alex and Baby could hide in there. If only Thomas could run that far, run that fast. He knows he's asking a lot from someone without a leg, but damn it, it's their only chance. Alex could only hope that adrenaline had kicked in and Thomas wasn't in too much pain.

"THOMAS!" Alex shouted, pointing to the house, "THERE!"

The man seemed to realize what he meant, and digging deep, started to run faster. Alex crawled up to the front of the wagon. He stared helplessly at the reigns that flapped in the wind, beyond his reach. How do you control horses? Alex wished that he paid more attention to Thomas' commands. What would the horse respond to?

Alex grabbed the horse's tail - it was the only thing in reach - tugging it a little and shouting, "STOP! SLOW DOWN! HALT!" Then, with some clarity, he remembered, "WHOA! WHOA!"

The horse slowed to a stop, but wasn't happy about it. It reared up and yelled, kicking its feet around. A prey animal wouldn't enjoy being told to stop running away from a predator, Alex figured. Quickly, before it got spooked again, Alex grabbed Baby and jumped out of the wagon, choosing to sprint the rest of the way to the house. He doesn't know what the horse did; he didn't care. All that mattered right now was the relative safety that walls and doors could provide.

Alex, ignoring Baby's cries, kicked down the front door. It was dark - it's always dark in abandoned houses - but it seemed empty. Alex took a second to catch his breath.

Second over.

He set Baby down, still crying, on a couch in the front room. She would be safe there. He then sprinted to the wagon where the horse was still anxiously waiting. He reached in and grabbed the handgun, hoping to be some help to the man still running for his life. Alex held up his gun and shot, grateful when he watched a zombie fall to the ground. He continued until Thomas was only ten feet away from him.

The man was breathing heavily, he waved his arms in a universal 'go away' fashion, and shouted, "GET BACK! GET BACK!"

Alex hesitated, but turned and ran back to the house, aware that Thomas was behind him now. Alex jumped inside and grabbed onto the door, ready to close it as soon as Thomas entered. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe, all he could do was watch as Thomas ran. He was close now, on the front steps, aaaaaand inside! Close close close!

Alex slammed the door shut, pushing his body weight against it, and hoping that the lock worked. His shaky fingers fiddled with the bolt lock, but he was too shaken to get it to work. The zombies were at the door now, pounding on it, screeching inhuman noises. Alex struggled against the door as it tried to open for them.

Thomas was by his side, slamming the door closed once more, he quickly flicked the deadbolt closed and the zombies were locked out. They both stared at each other, breathing heavily. Alex let out a little laugh, all nerves and anxious energy. Thomas chuckled along with him, sweat dripping down his face.

Baby was still crying, and Alex hesitantly left the door to pick her up. He set his handgun down where she once was, and focused his energy on calming the girl down. Thomas still had his shotgun up, watching the door with obvious determination.
Alex was about to ask why he was still on edge if they got away, and then the window broke.

Thomas turned and pushed Alex backward, shouting, "Go!"

Alex stumbled, but was able to keep his balance, he watched as the first zombie attempted to crawl through the window, pushing through leftover glass. Thomas shot it, but another started to climb through. Thomas glanced over his shoulder and shouted once more, "ALEX, GO!"

He turned and sprinted into the unknown house, ducking into the first room he saw. He closed the door behind him, but kept running. His gaze locked on a large, wooden wardrobe in the corner of the room. He ran forward and pulled it open, jumping inside without a second thought. He pulled the doors to it closed and sat on the ground among the dress shoes and array of belts.

Alex looked down at Baby, who was screaming, and he tried to catch his wits. He's okay, he'll be okay. He's got two doors and a couple feet between him and the zombies. That means he's safe, right?

God, he sucks at being a strong, independent zombie fighter. Just when he thought he was getting the hang of this apocalypse warrior thing, he goes and runs off at the first sign of trouble. He groans and covers his head with his hands.

No, focus. This isn't the time for self-hatred. This is the time for … for calming down Baby. If she keeps screaming and - God forbid - the zombies get past Thomas, a hiding place will mean nothing. They'll be caught instantly.

He takes a deep breath and holds the child close, trying to think of how to calm her. What does Thomas usually do? Singing! Thomas sings to Baby a lot.

Well, here goes nothing.

Alex brushed his fingers over the baby's hair and whispered a little lullaby. He sang quietly and gently pressed a finger into Baby's mouth to act as a passifier. With some gentle rocking and a little luck, the girl was able to calm down.

"Hush little Baby, don't you cry," Alex whispered, singing the tune quietly, "cuz if they hear you we'll surely die."

There was a loud crashing sound from outside the wardrobe and Alex panickedly imagined another window breaking. The bangs of the shotgun were quieter from behind the walls, but still prominent. Shotgun noises were good. Shotgun noises meant Thomas was still alive.

"Oh, shush, Baby, don't say a thing," Alex was shaking, his voice wobbling with fear, "You never know who's out there, listening."

And then the shotgun noises stopped. There was a thud and then the sounds of a fight. Alex couldn't breathe, his fear for his friend overpowering any other emotion. The darkness of the wardrobe was disorienting, and Alex felt himself start to drift off, taken over by his anxiety. Baby kicked him, as if demanding that he continue his song. Alex shook himself, refusing to spiral.

"My precious Baby, I'm scared, too." He looked down at the squirming thing in his arms, his heart breaking for her, "Scared those monsters will get to you."

There were pounding noises outside, and Alex knew that the sounds were getting closer, getting louder. He felt a shudder run through his body. This is it, this is the end, he's going to finally die. He's not as excited about it as he thought he'd be.

"Hush, my Baby, don't give up hope," Alex took a deep breath, closing his eyes and hugging the child close to his chest. He pressed himself as far back into the wardrobe as he could, hoping that Narnia was on the other side. Maybe then they'd be able to escape. "Daddy'll find a way to save us both…"

The noises were right outside now, the door to the room burst open and Alex flinched. He held a hand up to his mouth and prayed that Baby would stay silent. He was breathing rapidly out of his nose - inoutinoutinoutinout - and his mind was silent except for the eternal buzz of fear. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, but he was too scared to wipe them away. He couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't do anything except sit there and wait for the inevitable.

Suddenly, he was flooded with light as the doors to the wardrobe opened. Alex closed his eyes, curled tighter around Baby, and prepared to die.

"Shh, shh, baby, you're okay, I'm here, I got ya." Thomas said, kneeling down in front of Alex. The smaller man blinked his eyes open, looking up into a familiar brown gaze. Through his panic, it took Alex a moment to recognize him. Once he did, he felt his fear ebb away. Thomas reached forward, his hand about to brush against Alex's tear-stricken face.

Alex spoke then, nodding down to Baby, "She's okay. Just scared."
Thomas faltered, his gaze dropping down to Baby, "O-oh. Yeah." His hand redirected, and brushed against Baby's head, soothing the girl. "Yeah… You're okay, Baby, Daddy's here."

Alex was too shaken up to worry about Thomas' weird expression. He just took a deep breath and leaned against the other man's side, focusing on his breathing. That was a close call, and frankly, he's surprised that wasn't the end of them. If he didn't have Thomas, he doesn't know what he'd do. The other man was all Alex had left. He needed to do a better job of protecting him.

"H-how did you fight them all?" Alex asked, scared to know the answer.

Thomas just smiled a little and shrugged, "I had to protect my Number One."

Alex felt a shiver run through his spine. He closed his eyes and nodded, accepting the answer. He wasn't at the emotional - or mental - capacity to react accordingly to that response. All he could do was cling to Thomas, hold him, touch him, confirm that he was alive and real.

"I'm so glad you're safe." Alex whispered, tears filling up in his eyes. Thomas shifted and wrapped his arms around Alex's body, pulling the other man closer.

Alex felt Thomas' lips against his temple as the other man mumbled, "Me too."

They both were able to calm down, holding onto each other like lifelines. Alex closed his eyes and inhaled, smelling Thomas' sweat and pheromones. He felt his muscles relax only when the voice in the back of his head quieted to a low mumbled.

Safe in Thomas' arms.

They didn't stay in the house. It was too risky, considering how many zombies popped out of the fields. Thomas wanted to get them out of there as soon as possible. Alex agreed.

Thankfully, the horse only ran a few more yards away, and they were able to approach it and climb back on. They road in tense silence, worried that they'd get an encore experience. They didn't, but the anxiety was hard to ignore.

Thomas was extra clingy the rest of the day, but Alex didn't mind in the slightest. While they sat on the horse, Alex pressed himself against Thomas' chest, leaned into the way Thomas would wraps his arms around him. They both kept touching the other, thankful that the other was still there.

"Can we crash early tonight?" Alex asked, "I think we deserve it after that."

Thomas nodded, "Agreed."

They found a spot on the side of the road (far, far away from any corn), and settled down for the night. Alex was shifting things around in the wagon and hanging some things on low tree branches in hopes that they dry. Thomas was unhooking the horse, letting the animal lay down and take a break. Baby was laying in a bundle on the ground, grumpy about being ignored.

The grump became grumpier and she started to cry. Alex and Thomas looked a each other and let out identical sighs.

"All you ever do is cry, when are you gonna pull your weight around here?" Thomas jokingly grumbled to Baby. He picked her up and rocked her softly back and forth. Alex climbed out of the wagon, groaning softly.

Alex walked up to him, grinning exhaustedly, "Talking to yourself again?"

Thomas scoffed, offended, and Alex laughed, bumping the other man with his hip. Baby was still crying, despite Thomas' best efforts. Alex sighed slowly out his nose, and brushed a hand over Baby's hair.

"She's hungry." Alex whispered.

"We don't have anything to eat." Thomas replied, thinking out loud. "At least, not for Baby. I could mash up some food? We could try to feed her solid food? Like a baby bird…"

That wasn't much of an option, either. They had a painfully small amount of food and there was little chance that she would take it, anyway. In their panic and unease, they didn't stick around that house to search through the dead zombie bodies for food.

Alex felt detached from his own body, like he was watching a movie or playing a first-person video game. His arms reached out and took Baby from Thomas' arms. He heard himself say, "Let me have her."

Thomas gave her over, and watched, confused, as Alex walked a few feet away. He turned so his back was to Thomas and sat down cross-legged on the ground. He could hear Thomas shift behind him.

"What are you…?" The other man started to say, but when Alex hiked up his shirt, his curiosity sputtered to a stop. It was silent, except for the crickets. Alex took in a deep breath. Thomas wasn't going to bother him, now that his intentions were clear; he was sure of that.

Baby was still crying, even as Alex took off his bra from under his shirt. Briefly, he was thankful that he didn't have to go through all of that mess today with his chest binded. He might have died from breathlessness.

Once his breasts were free, he sat the bra down on the dirt beside him, and picked up Baby gently. He cradled her in his arms and tucked her under his shirt. He closed his eyes and ignored the wrong wrong wrong wrong feeling in his chest.

Baby's lips clamped around his nipple almost instantly. He winced at the feeling of it. She wasn't hurting him, but she was hurting him. The process was hurting him. The realization that no matter what, even after all these years, he couldn't escape this simple fact: he was born a girl.

Baby was still whining, sucking as hard as her little mouth could. Alex looked down at her through the head-hole of his shirt. He shuddered, a dark pain stabbing him through the heart. He wasn't producing any milk. Why would he? He wasn't pregnant, and it's not like he can just switch his tiddies on like a water faucet. Why did he think this would work?

Still, he sat there, waiting, hoping that maybe if enough they both put in enough effort then something would happen. He pushed Baby closer to his chest, "Please." He prayed, "Please, please, please."

But no, it was no use. His hormones weren't high enough - weren't feminine enough - to produce milk. He knew it was a long shot, but he had to try, and - and - and he failed.

He's a shitty man and he's failed a woman. Where does that leave him?

He doesn't know, because he was too busy curled around himself (and Baby), sobbing. He couldn't hold back his wails, how his body shook with emotion. Shame flooded over him, stability was beyond his reach. He cried and cried, even as Baby adamantly continued to suck.

He wished he was better. He wished he was cis, then he wouldn't be in this situation. He wished the world wasn't ending. He wished he was dead. He wished- he wished- he wished-

He wished they never found this stupid baby.

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