I gasp for air as I suddenly wake up. "I swear," I grumbled loudly, "if I start a story or chapter with me waking up one more time, I'm going to fucking – oh, hi, Black Tea." Black Tea groans as she wakes up. Damn, she's seen better days; she looks like Lara Croft from the original Tomb Raider. Actually, come to think of it, when I look at my surroundings, this appears to be a PS1/retro-style game. Y'know, like those indie horror games that mimic those styles? Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like.
Black Tea asked, "What…? Where am I? Danny, what … what happened to you?" I answered, "I dunno, but I hate to see where this goes. All I know is that we're in another one-shot, and I don't know what this game is." She looks confused. "A game? And, what do you mean 'another one-shot'?"
"Do you remember that bizarre dream Milk had that had me in it? Yeah, that's pretty much what this is about. Except … this doesn't look like a FNaF game, or even a fangame. I think this is something else. It appears to be mimicking the style of a PlayStation 1 game."
"Would that be a prototype of that PlayStation console you found in the attic?"
"Kinda, it's pretty much the original PlayStation console from thirty years ago. Of course, the only PS1 game I know is Lara Croft Tomb Raider, so I could be wrong about the mimicking part." Then again, there was that Siren Head fangame, so I could be right. To be honest, I don't know; for all I know, this game could've been made in, say, 2020. Man, that was a shit year.
Back to the setting, it's night and we're in a pickup truck. The only lights I could see are from the headlights of the vehicle. I realize quickly after waking up that I'm in the driver's seat, and Black Tea is next to me. She asked, "Where are we?" I answer, "I don't know, but I guess the only way to go is forward." I turn on the car radio, and I start driving. A gong is heard and synth music starts playing as a voice announced, "Test your might." repeatedly four times, immediately followed by someone shouting, "Mortal Kombat!" After a few seconds of driving and listening to the theme song, Black Tea asked, "Is that from one of those games you're obsessed about? I do not think I know this one, though." With a proud smile, I replied, "Yep, and this one's a classic. I've only played the original Mortal Kombat once though, at the National Videogame Museum in Frisco. It was a super fun place."
"I see. And what console was Mortal Kombat in?"
"Originally, it was an arcade game, like Street Fighter and Pac-Man, but then there was a controversy involving the violence of the game, so an organization known as the Entertainment Software Rating Board was conceived, and now all video games are required to have some maturity rating. It's not a bother, though, since it helps give me an idea of what these games are about aside from the trailers. Also, the game was a huge hit and it became a franchise since then."
"Yes, and it makes sense that it would exist considering I've seen you play Doom: Eternal."
I chuckle lightly. The announcer said, "... Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Sonya. Mortal Kombat!" I piped up, "Oh, look, there's a building right up ahead." There is a white building, about a story tall, and on top there is a red neon sign reading Happy's Humble Burger Barn in cursive. I decide to park next to a nearby dumpster in the back of the building. We get off the truck. Damn, it is really dark out here, but I can see the stars and the full moon from above, and there is a city behind a forest that we're in. We just happen to be at a fast-food restaurant, and I would've said it's in the middle of nowhere if it weren't for the bright city in the distance.
Seeing the back of the restaurant, we notice there is a vending machine, and a pack of unused cigarettes, which I pick up, fly to the dumpster, and gladly throw the cigarettes into it. I fly back to the Food Soul, and my wings and tail dematerialize. She remarked, "There are a lot of things I find very questionable about you, but I am glad you don't smoke." I smiled, "I'll take that as a compliment. And, yeah, I'm glad too; I wouldn't want to ruin these lungs, am I right?" She nods.
I look at the back door. There is a poster that reads: HAPPY'S HUMBLE BURGER BARN; EMPLOYEES ONLY; All employees MUST clock in upon entering premises. Happy's Humble Burger Barn and Affiliates accept no responsibility or liability upon accident, injury, or even death. "Damn, that's dark," I said. We continue reading. Only Employees and/parties given prior consent are able to enter the premises from this door. Patrons may enter on the other side of the building. Thank you for your cooperation. – Happy's Humble Burger Barn.
Black Tea commented, "There's something very unsettling about this." I added, "Agreed." I turn the knob cautiously as Black Tea grabs her pistols from her holsters. I open the door and she points her guns to the entrance. There's no one there.
In front of us is a dark entrance with some empty shelves on the inside. Actually, my glasses just detected something in one of the shelves. I see two punch cards which my glasses highlighted upon looking at them through the lenses. On the wall behind the shelves is a poster of two innocent puppies sitting. There is a bass lying on the bottom shelf. Out of curiosity, I pick up the bass. Black Tea asked, "Do you play that instrument?" I strum a few notes. "Not really," I answered. "I tried learning how to play the electric guitar once, but it just didn't work out." I put the bass back to where it was.
Black Tea picks up the two cards. I said, "I guess we just take these cards and clock in as they say. It looks like we can do that over there." I point to a device on the wall. It has a slot where we can insert the cards in. I asked, "May I have one of those cards?" She politely hands one of the cards to me. I walk to the device and insert the card. A click is heard. "Now you," I said. Black Tea does the same.
I immediately notice there is a boombox on our left. I gladly remarked, "Hey, look, a boombox. I've always wanted one of those when I was a kid. I wonder if it works." I notice there are a few cassette tapes lying next to the boombox. I couldn't really read what the labels say since they're in Japanese, but something about the wording in one of them seems familiar. I decide to put that tape into the boombox and hit play. Some really upbeat and fast-paced music starts playing. As the music keeps going, a few low voices sing, "JoJo." three times. "Ohhhh!" I exclaimed in realization. "No wonder that writing was so familiar! It's the theme for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! I think it's from the first arc in the series. What was it called? Oh, yeah, the Phantom Blood arc. How cool is that? Man, I should practice my Japanese more often and see what these other tapes have in store. But, let's continue with what we were doing, so, moving on." I press the pause button on the boombox, and the theme stops playing.
We look at the door in front of us, and Black Tea opens it with caution. Nothing happens. I approach the next room. Based on what my glasses are showing with its dark vision, it is exactly what the sign implies; we're in an empty fast-food restaurant, and we're probably the employees of this place. There is a light switch attached to the wall and is above a few garbage bags. I turn on the lights. Black Tea puts her guns back to their holsters. I said, "Hey, Black Tea." She answered, "Yes, Danny RPG?"
"Do you ever get the feeling that we know what to do, except we don't know what the instructions are? It's like we just intuitively know what the tasks are even though we weren't told what to do."
"Actually, yes. And what is even stranger about this is that neither of us seem to remember what happened recently."
"Yeah, I mean, one minute we were minding our own business in Glorywest Grill, and the next minute we end up in a car and we somehow know what to do about what's going on. And based on the graphics of this place, this is no doubt to be a dream."
"I guess that would make sense considering everything about this place is suspicious and yet, there's nothing going on. If this is indeed a dream, why is it that we cannot wake up so easily?'
"Good question, but my guess is that these particular dreams are like video games, and it usually has me involved. And based on what I've dreamt, these are usually horror games. Well, except for a few times, like that time Butterscotch dreamt about Undertale and I was Chara in it. Or that time I dreamed about Touhou Project. The only difference is that, I don't know about this game in particular. It's probably new, and for all I know, there could be a sequel in its Alpha stage. But maybe the author does know, hence why this is happening and how am I getting these dreams as a one-shot series. Also, it's probably likely there may some foreshadowing involved since I somehow managed to guess what I just said, but I guess that depends on the author and probably their audience."
"And, is 'the author' some deity you know of?"
"Oh, God, no. Definitely not a deity; they're just an alternate version of myself from another universe where all of this is fanfiction. Considering this is a one-shot, I don't know if they're older or younger than me, and my age is currently unspecified during this time period of when did this dream take place. But, I do know that by the time they wrote Chapter 12 – the time when Butterscotch and Napoleon were summoned – they and I were at the same age, only that the author is older than I am and probably turned 17 by now. I dunno, this all just a theory, and it all depends on how they're feeling and what goes on in their life. As long as they're alive and young, there's a good chance they'll have their stories finished in no time. The fanfiction we're from, not so much, since there's a lot to write there, and twelve chapters is barely the beginning. Well, I guess it's technically thirteen since there was that joke chapter they wrote for April Fools'."
Black Tea just stares at me, seemingly lost. "Okay…? So, if what you are saying is true then does that mean we're not real? At least, in another universe?"
"Bingo."
"That's … quite a lot to process, but I think I am getting what Milk said about her dream with you. It's just very strange that you somehow have these memories of your alternate self and you manage to know all of … this…."
"My advice is don't think about it too much, and just go with it. That way you don't end up like Rick, and you'll instead be like a conservative version of Deadpool and just laugh it off without caring much of whether this is real or not."
"I will keep that in mind. Right now, I feel like what we should do next is open this restaurant."
"Ditto." We look around and we quickly see a poster. This place is just like any other remote fast-food restaurant, but empty. There are piles of sliced tomatoes, pickles, onions, and lettuce in a nearby counter. There is a pile of hamburger buns scattered in another counter near the first one, and next to where the buns are, there is a large grill for cooking meat. On our right is a walk-in freezer containing boxes of vegetables and frozen hamburger patties. One box of patties is open. As soon as I step into the freezer, a startled rat runs out of it. This is unsanitary and pathetic.
On the left to the freezer is a place to deep-fry the food, but there isn't any oil in the fryers, and there is a shelf with pile of pre-made french fries next to small containers of chicken nuggets. Oh, looking at one of the containers, they're actually salmon nuggets. Next to the fries and nuggets, there is a milkshake dispenser which is next to a soda dispenser.
Looking back at the poster, it reads How To Make A Happy's Deluxe; Grab a frozen patty from the freezer and throw it on the grill. Place the Bun, Lettuce, Tomato, Onion, and Pickles onto the Assembly Board. Watch as the burger magically constructs itself. Serve it to the customer with a Happy's Humble Smile.
Magically? What kind of game is this? I guess it's one of those restaurant tycoon/simulation games where some parts are done for you, like constructing a burger by putting ingredients on a board. There is some kind of horror vibe to it, hence the PS1 gameplay style. But, for now let's just continue the game and see what happens.
We walk to the where the cash registers are, and – oh, for fuck's sake! Really?! A microwave?! That is just sad. This is like Kitchen Nightmares all over again! We've got a rat problem, the food is frozen, the only staff here is me and Black Tea, and I bet the bathrooms are god-awful. At least those people in Kitchen Nightmares have the decency to hide those microwaves from the customers. What the hell is this?! Here, whoever put this here and owns this shithole, they're not even trying. Then again, this is a game, so I bet the developers did that deliberately to show how sad and pathetic this place is. Or, they may just be trying to flip Gordon Ramsay off. Both are probably true.
Anyway, I open the door next to us when we got to the cash register. I told Black Tea, "I think the shop will open by turning on that sign over there. Wait here." She nods. I walk past the door, and another rat runs out one of the bathrooms on my left. Jeez, this place is so bad, not even the pests sleaze around in the bathrooms. I walk to my right and go past the tables. I find a switch under the neon sign that reads OPEN, which is currently turned off. I flip the switch and the OPEN sign is on. The sign below read something like Sorry, We're Closed. Across the two large doors I'm next to is a large statue of a derpy anthropomorphic cow standing on a small pedestal that reads Happy the Humble Heifer on one side and Happy's Humble Burger Farm on the other.
As I walk back to Black Tea, I notice there is a certificate on a wall reading something about a health code and some signatures I can't read because they're in cursive. However, I quickly find out that the grade they gave for this place is a B+. I expected a C or C-. Maybe a D.
After opening the front doors and returning to Black Tea, she toggles on the lobby lights, so the place wouldn't be as dark. I decide to play some music as well. There is an old laptop that only plays music from the 80's and is plugged to an outlet on the wall. Conveniently, I grab a universal cable that I carry for occasions such as this out of my Inventory, I then plug one end into the laptop, and the other to the outlet. I the cable I have contains a device for storing data. So, it's kind of like a flash drive but for electronics that don't have a USB port. The Food Soul asked, "What are you doing?" I answer, "Hacking this laptop so I can add my own music into this thing." By doing that, I upload a copy of the data I have on the cable into the laptop. There's nothing much in there though; the only thing I've put into the electronic is a playlist of some of the best songs I've heard in different genres. I added, "Also, I just noticed the cow over there is named 'Happy the Humble Heifer,' which kinda explains why there are several cow figurines here and there. And why there's a cow near the front doors. Plus, she is the mascot of this place, hence the name." "'She'?" Black Tea asked. "Yeah," I replied, "didn't you notice the udder on that cow? Otherwise, Happy would've been a bull."
A chime is heard as an awkward-looking NPC walks into the restaurant. They're wearing a red shirt and blue pants. I greeted, "Oh, hi, welcome to Happy's Humble Burger Barn. How may I help you?" The NPC says nothing and instead gives Black Tea some cash. I glance at the cash register in front of her and find that the person ordered a Happy's Deluxe. Along with that, some high-pitched gibbering in Japanese is faintly heard from the NPC. I've no idea what they said, except for "konnichiwa", "tabe"-something and probably "onegaishimasu". Black Tea asked, "Do you have any clue what they said?" "Nope," I answered bluntly. "Me neither," she added, "but we do know what they want thanks to the cash register." Black Tea puts the cash into the register, and I walk to the back of the counter. One the way, I get startled by another rat, so I hop up with a knee still up the air, but briefly. I keep walking to grab a frozen patty and put it onto the grill. I can faintly hear it sizzling. A minute later, the patty turns brown, thus making it a cooked patty. I take it to the Assembly Board, and a Happy's Deluxe burger spawns in place of the ingredients. I take the burger and walk to the Food Soul, who seems uncomfortable by the appearance of herself and the NPC in front of her. I glimpse at the poster next to her. So, from what I've read, after getting the food and preparing the burgers, I just throw it to the patron. Okay … that's an interesting mechanic. Black Tea tells the patron, "Your food is ready." The person stares blankly. With a flick of my wrist, I gently throw the Happy's Deluxe directly to the customer. An 8-bit chime is heard as the burger disappears suddenly. The customer walks out of the restaurant and disappears into the night.
Hardly a minute later, and another NPC walks into Happy's Humble Burger Barn. They look the same as the other one, but with orange pants and a pink shirt. They give Black Tea the cash, and she puts it in the cash register. I asked, "Would you like to do the job?" The Food Soul, who is uncomfortable enough by the previous customer, answered, "Definitely." The cash register reads Salmon Nuggets below All Lobby Orders Displayed Here. So, the Food Soul walks to the shelf containing the fries and boxes of salmon nuggets. She grabs one container of the nuggets and tosses it to the customer. The customer leaves immediately. In the meantime, I decide to go back to the laptop. A few second later, I finish uploading the copy of my playlist into the electronic. I press play, and Rise of the Northstar starts playing on the speakers from the ceiling.
We hear another chime, and a third customer enters the building. They've ordered some salmon nuggets and fries. I lob both items at once to them and they walk off. "Danny RPG," Black Tea said, "I am going to take out the trash. You stay here and serve whatever customers enter this place." I replied, "No problem."
Black Tea's P.O.V.
I walk behind the counters and grill to see the three bags of trash sitting next to the freezer door. Looking at my hands, I guess my appearance is similar to that of Danny RPG and the … customers that have appeared. I asked, "Danny RPG, what do I look like exactly?" She remarked, "Right now, you look like the classic Lara Croft from the original Tomb Raider, but in a fancy dress. How do I look?" A customer enters the building. I answered, "Your appearance isn't that much different, but you still bear a slight resemblance the other customers."
"Must be how this game is designed. Eh, once this is over, we'll be sure to wake up in the morning." I grab two of the bags and walk out of the door from the back. I remember we parked next to a dumpster, so I am sure that must be where I put these garbage bags. As I get near, I could hear flies buzzing quite loudly … and the dumpster is a lot more malodorous than I expected. Why did Danny RPG have to park next to such a foul area? Oh, well, at least that's two bags in the dumpster. There is one more I must deal with.
I return to Happy's Humble Burger Barn from the open back door and grab the last one. I notice there is an anthropomorphic cow figurine hiding behind the trash bag I picked up. I wonder how Milk is doing? I thought. If what Danny RPG said is true then that means I'm sleeping beside Milk in the real world. After all, it would be strange enough to hear a woman say that we are fictional – another reason to believe the fact this is a dream. Maybe the real Danny RPG wouldn't have said that if she is awake, right? I guess I would have to ask her when I wake up. Still, what I don't understand is how the laws of physics seem to apply here even though none of this is real. Anyway, as I am having this internal monologue, I put the final bag into the dumpster. Immediately, I hear Danny RPG shriek in terror. "WHO THE FUCK KILLED ALL THE LIGHTS?!"
I run back to the door, only to find that it is jammed by something on the other side. A muffled, distorted mooing is heard from inside. A dark figure swoops up from the distance and flames erupt from the wings and the end of the tail; it's Danny RPG. Whatever happened in that restaurant must have terrorized her to the point of cursing raucously and flying up with her weapon and her shield in hand. She flies to me and transforms into her Basic form and lands on my shoulders with utter terror in her eyes. She is hyperventilating as well, which is not a good sign for her anxiety. I must try my best to calm her down.
Danny RPG's POV
I try my best to control my breathing as Black Tea tries to comfort me. Holy shit, that auditory jumpscare was so loud. It reminds me of hearing Golden Freddy's jumpscare audio, but this is way worse than the former. After a minute, I finally calm down, but I'm still unsettled by the fact that the mooing is still going on. Not only is it distorted, it's slowed down. By the time the mooing faded, I decide to get off of Black Tea and glitch into my Standard form. She asked, "Are you feeling better?" I hesitantly replied, "Yeah, I think so…." She continued, "I would have helped you sooner, but the door is jammed."
"It's alright; I'm alright. I mean, I didn't get hurt except for my ears."
"Do you need a few more minutes before returning to the restaurant?"
"Yeah, sure. Thanks again."
"No problem."
I glance behind Black Tea and notice there is a vending machine nearby. I pointed out, "Hey, look. There's a vending machine over there. Maybe it has drinks or something. That shrieking made parched." And so, we walk to the machine. It displays a photo of a jungle with the words JUNGLE SODA; AFTER DARK on it. It seems that's the only thing that it can dispense. Still, I push the button on the right and a full soda can drops to the area where you pick up your item from one of these machines. I pick up the can and open it. A soft hiss is emitted from the can upon opening it. I take a swig and immediately spit it out. "This is disgusting!" I exclaimed. "It's flat and expired!" – I sigh – "Guess I'll have to stick with this thirst. It's better than this thing." I walk to the dumpster and put the soda can in the trash where it belongs. I then walk back to Black Tea. She suggested, "I can brew some tea if you'd like." I answered, "You can do that?" She looks mildly amused. "You never asked. Plus, I'm a Food Soul." I feel amused by this too.
We walk to the front of the restaurant; both of the doors are open. The lights are still off, but the music is still playing. This time, it's playing JT Music's Anytime You Smile. I like that song; it's pretty catchy and lively. We turn on the lights, and when Black Tea asks me where the noise came from, I tell her, "I don't know; it was everywhere and there wasn't a specified source of where the noise came from. I would guess it came from Happy, but I just don't know." I turn on the kitchen lights. I look at the back and notice that a chair is blocking the door. I don't who or what put it there, but at that solves the mystery of why Black Tea couldn't get into the restaurant quicker.
We decide to continue to manage customers that come in. So far, the ones that have appeared didn't order much of anything; one ordered a Happy's Deluxe; the next one just wanted a milkshake; and the latest one … two shakes? Huh. I would've expected some fries to go with that. I joked, "No problem, I'll have it served in two shakes of a lamb's tail, hahah." The only sound that I hear is the laptop playing the original theme for One Piece. I remarked, "Sheesh, tough crowd." After an awkward silence, I clear my throat and walk to the milkshake dispenser and grab two cups filled with the strawberry milkshake from the machine. I toss both of them to the customer and the lights suddenly go out as a music sting is heard from nowhere and the music from the laptop stops. Immediately, I jump as Black Tea and I let out a startled shriek. "Again?!" I exclaimed. "What the hell's going on?" Our weapons are deployed and we stand ground. I look at the front doors with the dark vision from my glasses and added, "Hey, Happy is gone!" A low garbled noise is heard from the drive-through window (or rather, a speaker that is used to hear what a customer wants from the drive-through). It's nothing more than a strange noise probably in gibberish, or possibly an audio clip that is slowed down and probably reversed. It's probably that same clip we heard from the patrons when they ordered food.
Black Tea opens the window and sticks her head out, looking left and right to see if there's anything outside. I jump out the window, scythe in my hand, I cautiously scan the area around me. I immediately notice there is something suspicious in the corner of the building. I gesture the Food Soul to follow me without saying a word. We sneak up against the wall, and we prepare to launch an attack. Slowly we approach the enemy … the only thing present is Happy and that huge sign you'd see on a drive-through where it has all of the items on the menu, including what toys does this place have in the kids' menu. I don't recognize any of the toys displayed on the sign except for a walkman and a tamagotchi. (Those still exist? Wow.) Setting that aside, something is very wrong with that cow; how can a statue be able to teleport from one place to another? Then again, there's the Golden Watchers from Dark Deception, but that's not really teleporting. Plus, if it really was that game, I would've noticed immediately. Well, whatever this is, this might be the scariest restaurant game since Five Nights at Freddy's, and that's saying something. Then, it suddenly hit me. "Hey, maybe the guy who owns this might know what to do." Happy lets out an unsettling noise that lasts for several seconds. It's disturbing and loud. We walk backwards away from Happy slowly. We turn and rush to the back door, which unfortunately, it's jammed again. The noise, which happens to be that slowed-down, distorted mooing, continues.
I let out an exasperated sigh. I turn my left leg, lift my right knee, and give the door a powerful karate kick. The door doesn't budge. I turn to the front of the door and kick in the same way Vinsmoke Sanji would. I kick the door again, but it doesn't even have a dent where I kicked it. I remarked, "Kusō, this door's really tough!" Black Tea suggested, "Perhaps we should enter from the front." Although what she said is partially drowned out by the creepy moo, I get what she said. I nod, and we walk, weapons out, to the front doors. By the time we make it to the doors, the mooing faded out. We turn the lights back on as the we walk to the back to get that damn chair out of the way again.
I remember there's a phone attached to the wall next to the machine where we clocked in. I grab the phone; there's a number written on it, which is labeled as Boss No., so I use that number to call them. A male voice from the phone asked, "Yeah, hello?" Agitated, I yell from the phone, "Dude, there's some weird-ass shit going on! That cow just went to the drive through and the lights keep going off!" The guy becomes confused. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? You put the what in the cow?" Black Tea grabs the phone from me and states in a somewhat calm voice, "She said the cow is in the drive-through." The boss asked, "Is this a fucking joke?" I grab the phone and snapped, "Of course it's not a fucking joke! What the hell do you think this is, a prank call?! Of course not!" Black Tea uttered, "Calm down, Danny RPG." The guy asked, "I don't know, what the fuck do you need me to do, walk over there?" I asked, "Then perhaps you should bring someone here? Like a SWAT team or something? 'Cause, the longer we're here, the weirder things get." He sighed, "Alright, I'll send someone there to help. Just stay put; stop causing trouble, alright." The line disconnects.
I sigh, "Welp, I guess we're gonna be managing customers for the time being." So, yeah, we're managing customers as usual, and no later than, like five of them, the lights go out again, the music stops, and we're scared half to death by these giant creepy humanoid faces with red eyes outside. I get so frightened, I jump onto Black Tea's arms with my tail and wings materialized, and she holds onto me like we're Shaggy and Scooby-Doo. Of course, after some shaking and trembling, we realize that the face and the humanoid figures aren't really doing anything, so after an awkward look, I get off of Black Tea.
I toggle the lobby lights. They're still working. Sadly, the music isn't. I don't like how the faces are staring down our souls, so I equip my scythe and I swing it down. A line of fire and energy where the slash occurred appears in midair, and flies to one of the faces. The face despawns. We cautiously walk out of the diner, weapons in hand. This is exceedingly unsettling. Suddenly, the place starts rumbling. The ground shakes violently. The next thing I know, I wake up and fall out of my bed. Thinking about it and confirming that it was indeed another dream where the laws of physics apply (sort of), and that this is another one-shot, there is only one thing to say about this….
The Food Soul that was with her wakes up with distress. Fortunately, she has been calmed down by the comforting presence of her partner Milk. The healer tells her, "You are finally awake, Black Tea. It sounds like you have had an awful nightmare." Black Tea replied, "And a cynical one at that. I think I will have a word with Danny about this."
Thud!
The duo looks up to where the noise came from. It sounded like it came from the attic, which is where Danny RPG sleeps. A familiar voice from above cursed, "I haven't had a dream that trippy since Sister Location. Well, shit."