Fix You
New chapter up sooner than usual, probably because I already had some of it written out. Not sure how I feel about this chapter but I hope you all like it and that it makes up for the last short chapter. Thanks for tuning in~ Thank you all who took the time to review. It really means a lot to me. As you know, your reviews give me hope, happiness, and inspiration. And for the rest of you readers out there, won't you take one minute to leave a review and tell me your thoughts on the story?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
~Chapter 15
Driving down the busy streets of the city, Leon sighed deeply as he reflected back to Helena's melancholic face. Her pain had left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and his stomach in knots. It had not been his fault for Ada's sudden appearance, how could he have known she would overstep the boundaries? The male clenched his jaw. That was a lie. He knew exactly what the woman was capable of and yet he did nothing to prevent it. Of course it was his fault, it had to be. He would not allow anyone else to take the blame.
Still, it could not keep the male from wondering one thing. Why? Why did that have to happen? Why did it always have to happen? The worst part in this predicament, Ada had only done it for mere amusement. How wrong that was.
The beauty was a sadist, a menace… yet Leon could not get enough of her. A sadist and a masochist, how wrong was that?
The SUV came to a stop at the familiar five star hotel; high class had its credentials. Following the routine, the blond stepped off the vehicle, entered the building and took the elevator to the large luxurious suite on the top floor. What a series of unfortunate twisted events this day had turned out to give, and it was not over yet.
Stepping off the elevator, Leon stopped at the door to the room he and his beloved Asian always shared where he took a quick breath.
Entering, the blond was greeted with a hard passionate kiss, the fire baby… the fire. With a moan, his hands immediately roamed the woman's small slender figure, loving the feel of her every curve, so delightful and delicious. Filled with lust, he groaned as small hands traveled down his chest, every touch from the slim fingers sending pleasuring chills down his spine. This was wrong yet so right. It hurt bad but felt good.
Leon blinked as the one memory of many faded away. As much as he wanted to bed the woman, now was not the best of times. Helena was still in mind. That was his reason for his being here. She was the only thing of importance at the moment. Not him… his wants… his desires. He had to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. No distractions.
Taking another quick breath, the blond reluctantly turned the knob and opened the door, expecting to see Ada on the bed awaiting his arrival. Instead he came to the sight of an empty room, leaving him unsure if he should either be relieved or disappointed.
Putting aside mixed feelings, Leon made a quick sweep of the room using only his eyes, catching sight of an envelope sitting on the table at the far end of chamber. Walking toward it, he took hold of it and opened it. Inside was a small chip and note, an all too familiar scene. Slipping the chip inside his front pocket, the male unfolded the slip of paper and read.
Sorry I wasn't able to attend our moment of copulation but I had to run. I've left you a little gift. Hope you find it useful.
-Ada
Leon shook his head as he exhaled softly. Tucking the note in his back pocket, he turned and left.
The door of the SUV slammed shut as Leon settled himself in the seat. Relieved for a reason unknown to him, he quickly went through his to do list. The next task was to apologize to Helena, make things right again. But first, a little detour. What was on this chip?
The blond retrieved the small storage device, inserting it into his phone. His large finger tapped onto the icon that appeared on screen. In result, a file opened. The male's brow furrowed as his eyes skimmed the letters on screen. That couldn't be right…
XXX- Ingrid Hunnigan stepped into the SUV and shut the door behind her. "Alright Leon, what is so important that I had to leave the office?" Leon bestowed his phone unto the woman. "Look."
Hunnigan looked down to the device. On the screen was a picture of Thomas Lexington, a man with strong sharp features, dark slicked black hair and bold blue orbs. He appeared to be a man of confidence and power.
The FOS agent raised a brow. "I don't understand. He's clean. I checked him myself."
"Lexington has an illegitimate son" Leon spoke. "Says here his son was arrested and went rogue soon after his escape."
Ingrid looked at him, shaking her head slightly. "How did you even get this information? These are restricted files." She watched as he shifted uncomfortably, his eyes avoiding her gaze. That behavior said one name, Ada. He cleared his throat. "I need you trust me Hunnigan. I think this man is after Helena."
Ingrid sighed. "If I didn't trust you I wouldn't be putting my career on the line with this investigation. No one suspects anything yet but I'm not sure how longer I can count on it. If I lose my job it'll be on you."
"I know that Hunnigan. Your career isn't the only one at risk."
"All I'm saying is if you want to go down this road you have to be absolutely certain Lexington's son is after Helena, because if you fuck up, I'm coming after you." It wasn't like her to curse, but at the moment it did not seem to matter to her. She was already on edge as it was with her stress level high. But now with this new 'information' from someone none other than Ada, a devious deceitful woman, the level had risen through the roof.
Ingrid looked down onto the screen, skimming through the files once again; reading the short profile on Lexington's supposed son as Leon spoke.
"His name is Paxton Lexington. No one's heard from him since his escape from federal prison."
"How are you so sure this is the man after Helena? He could be setting someone else up."
"I thought of that, but it doesn't seem to fit in this case. I'm certain this is him. He was the reason Helena was transferred from the CIA to the USSS. He was the suspect she used excessive force on after he threatened the families of his murdered victims. That's a pretty good motivation, don't you think?"
Hunnigan sighed and nodded. "It makes sense. But before we do anything let me check if all of this information is liable. You may trust that woman, but I don't." She opened the door and stepped out.
"What are you going to do?" Leon questioned. Ingrid sighed. "I'll try and schedule a private meeting with Lexington but I'm not making any promises. It's hard enough as it is to work under low profile. What about you?"
"I've got some prior engagements to take care of."
Ingrid turned to walk away, hindered at Leon's voice calling to her yet again. She turned back toward him. The blond gave a firm nod. "Thanks Ingrid." He then sped off. Hunnigan shook her head slightly. "I'm not doing it just for you."
XXX- "What is it exactly that's bothering you?" Malcolm's voice echoed through the room from the speaker of the phone. Helena sat in the lotus position a top her bed. "She was in my apartment. That woman ridiculed me-"
"And you're sure it had nothing to do with her kissing this Leon in front of you?"
The brunette gave an aggravated sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. "No… maybe… I don't know."
"Okay, let's try a different approach" Malcolm spoke. "What is it about their charade, as you put it that bothers you?" Helena took a moment to think. "She uses him for her own expense and he just allows it."
Malcolm laughed. "You don't need therapy Helena. You need rehab. You're hooked on this guy. You're smitten." Helena gave an annoyed groan. "Shut up. Be serious. I am not. I don't care if he doesn't have feelings for me. I just don't want him to love her."
"Just admit it Helena. You're jealous. And the sooner you come to realize that the better it will be for you."
The ache in the woman's chest that constantly ate at her soul grew stronger. Of course she was jealous. She had already admitted it to herself. She just could not bring herself to say it aloud. But the male did have a point, the sooner the better. She sighed. "You're right. I am jealous. I want him to love me… does that make me a selfish person?"
There was a short silence before Malcolm replied. "Yes" he said laughing afterwards. Helena groaned. "Malcolm."
"Alright, alright" the male breathed, reeling in his laughter. "I'm sorry. Look, if you want to get over him, stop seeing him. It's that simple. Just push him out of your mind and focus on moving on from Deborah's death."
The brunette shook her head. "I can't. It's not that easy. He's grown too much on me. He's my best friend."
"Helena-"
"But you know what's crazy… Leon and Deborah have somehow merged into one large puzzle and all the pieces are scattered… and I just can't figure out what goes where." She sighed deeply, rubbing her aching temples. "I can't do it anymore. I'm just so tired. It's so hard to play the role of me being okay when I feel like I'm drowning in my own bitterness. I can't keep pretending."
"Then stop pretending. There is no reason for you to put yourself through all of this." Malcolm sighed. "Look, I have to go but I want to see you next week. Alright?"
Helena nodded, "Alright. Thanks for listening Malcolm. You make a shitty therapist but a good friend." Malcolm laughed one final time before hanging up.
Helena tossed her phone aside and pressed a hand on her temple with a sigh. What should she do? Should she stop seeing Leon and just let him go? She had already given up on him. How hard could it be to let go? A heavy sigh slipped past her lips. The question was not should she, the question was could she?
With a groan, the brunette leaned against the headboard and closed her eyes, looking into the darkest depths of her mind, allowing herself to sink. Upon opening her eyes, she found herself in darkness with only a spotlight shining down on her, blinding her. She moved to shield her eyes but found herself shackled. Panic and fear seeped into the female. What was this?
She released a whimper of fear as she looked around in search of anything, finding nothing but darkness. This could not be happening again. It had to be a dream; a nightmare. Struggling against the shackles the woman grunted.
"Helena…"
Helena gasped at the chiming voice. It couldn't be… it just couldn't be… but it was. Her eyes widened in shock as a woman in a dark blue nightie and waist length brunette hair stepped into view. "Deborah" she gasped, dropping to her knees.
In the wake of devastation she was soon lost in desperation, feeling cold, frozen. How could this be happening? She struggled yet again against the shackles, trying desperately to break free. The female stopped as Deborah placed a hand upon her shaking shoulder. Trembling, Helena lowered her head. "Is this retribution?"
Deborah smiled and shook her head. "No." Helena gave a start when soft small fingers caught her at the chin and lifted her face up. Warmth of purity overwhelmed the brunette causing her to burst into tears at the soft touch. "I'm so sorry Deborah… please, forgive me."
"Stop Helena, I forgive you."
Tears cascaded down Helena's cheeks. "How are you here?" The younger brunette kneeled down to her level. "Intuition… in a way it's like a cry for help from your own subconscious. I'm the good in you. The burning flame you keep putting out, but I keep igniting because I'm not giving up on you. It's time for you to let go."
"Maybe you should give up on her" another voice spoke. "She already has."
Helena turned her head aside to see another form of Deborah, this one resembling her exquisitely. "W-who are you?" she questioned. The second Deborah stopped before them. She placed her hands over her hips. "I… am the bad in you, so to speak. Created by the excruciating soul eating guilt… jealousy… rage… all of the negative emotions you feel."
"Y-you're the Deborah I've been seeing all this time" Helena concluded. She shook her head in disbelief. "No. This isn't happening. It's all just a dream. You two aren't really here." She nodded, "Yeah. That's it. I'm just going to close my eyes, count to three, and when I open them you two won't be here. I'll be in my bed safe and sound."
The brunette closed her eyes and counted. Opening them, she gasped upon seeing both Deborah's still standing before her. Helena groaned and struggled in the shackles. "Get me out of here!"
"You won't escape that way" the first Deborah said. "If you want to escape from here you've got to let go." Helena panted, hindering her struggles. "Let go of what?" Her legs shook and her knees had begun to ache.
The second Deborah spoke. "Me. I am your pain. I keep it alive and grow stronger the more you suffer." Helena looked into her eyes, anger rising. "How do I let you go? You use my love for Leon and my emotions to manipulate me." She gritted her teeth. "So how do I let you go?"
The second Deborah grinned. "Ah, there's that rage." She inhaled deeply with a moan, "Precisely why I shadow you."
"How do I let you go?!" Helena shouted. "Tell me! I don't want you in my life anymore! Tell me how!" She gasped as cold hands took hold of the back of her head, the face of the second Deborah only inches away. "Remember the pain, all the sadness and frustration and let it go."
Helena grunted as she was roughly released, forced back. She sniffled. "Stop saying that." The first Deborah knelt before her once again. "Helena… what do you really want?" Helena panted and looked into the eyes of the woman, seeing her loving warm purity. "To be free…" She sighed. "It was all my fault. I accept that… I just can't let it destroy me anymore."
Deep inside the woman, a warmth of happiness erupted. It was sensational, invigorating, liberating. Taking a breath, the brunette gazed upon both Deborah's. "I fought for you and I made amends." The first Deborah spoke. "You have a chance to live your life. Take it."
Helena nodded, a single tear streaming down her cheek. "I failed to save you and for that I'm sorry. You're gone and you're not coming back. But you're right. I have to let go. I owe it to you Deborah. I owe it to you to move on. I owe it to you and myself to live my life." A look of determination crossed her features. "And that's what I'm going to do."
The shackles around the brunette's wrists opened with a sharp clink, dropping to the floor with a heavy thud. The weight of the world on her shoulders was gone. The ache eating away at her soul, uplifted. She was free.
Helena stood up, standing tall. "Thank you. I finally have a chance to be happy… just like today at the park… it was the first time I felt not just joy but… true happiness, in a long time."
"Don't give up on him just yet" the first Deborah spoke. Both of them smiled as they disappeared in a fade out manner, leaving the brunette alone. The spotlight shining down upon her switched off and she soon found herself sinking once again.
Helena jolted up, gasping loudly and panting. Her heart beat rapidly with the thrum of each beat echoing in her ears. A quick look at her neat immaculate bedroom indicated she was safe at home.
Placing a hand over her chest, she leaned back against the headboard with a groan. The intensity of the dream, the mere vividness… there were no words to describe it. It had all been too surreal.
Closing her eyes, the brunette gave a content sigh as a smile curled on her lips. She was free. Her soul felt lifted, cleansed, fresh. There were no words to describe the rapture she felt and alongside came the feeling of being alive.
The woman suddenly stirred upon hearing Nanook's barks. Curious, she slid out of bed and exited the bedroom, "Nanook?" She followed the barks down the hall and found the puppy at the front door, standing on his hind legs with his front paws on the door.
Helena approached the door and took hold of the knob. "Scoot" she said. Nanook gave a small whimper and trotted away. The brunette chuckled and opened the door, coming upon the sight of Leon standing before her.
The two looked upon each other. No words were exchanged only empathetic looks. Exhaling, Helena stepped aside, allowing the blond entrance. Foreboding tension hung in the air as the blond entered the apartment.
In attempts to relieve it, Helena switched on her 55'' plasma, a picture of two sandy colored spiders appearing on screen. "You watch nature shows?" Leon spoke as he took seat on the sofa. The brunette sat down beside him, "Nothing wrong with that."
"If this male jumping spider fails to impress this female, she will kill him."
Helena snorted, "That's how it should be with humans as well. Just think of the time and heartache that would save." Leon scoffed, "If that were the case all men including me would be dead. Hunnigan rejected me twice before finally agreeing to go out with me. She wasn't the only one to reject me more than once though."
The brunette raised a brow, "You and Hunnigan? Really?"
"Lasted a year and a half."
Helena turned her body toward him, facing him. "So what happened? Why did you break up?" A somber look crossed the male's features, his voice melancholic as he spoke. "Our jobs made it difficult. We hardly saw each other. She was always at the office and I was always traveling." He paused.
"There's something else, isn't there?"
Leon sighed as he slumped forward, his head hanging. "On a mission, I ran into Ada… I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did… it was like I lost all sense of control of myself…"
"You cheated with Ada" Helena concluded.
"I felt horrible afterwards. I never wanted to hurt Ingrid. She didn't deserve it." He sighed deeply, old forgotten feelings returning. "Anyway, we broke up afterwards and a few years later there was Angela."
Helena took his silence as her cue to speak. "The same thing happened." She shook her head. "You have relationships, she comes into your life, you cheat, and the relationship ends." She gave an exasperated sigh, "Why Leon? Why do you let her do this to you? Your fixation on her is destroying you, your life, and your relationships."
Leon shot her a cruel insightful glare. "You have no right Helena. Just because you are jealous-"
Helena shot up, fists at her side. "Jealous?" She scoffed, her voice rising. "Unbelievable. I'm trying to tell you that you're wasting yourself on someone who doesn't deserve it and you're giving me bullshit on being jealous?! Are you that demented?!"
Leon stood up, anger flashing in his eyes. "Woman let me tell you something. You are in no position to tell my anything, except maybe thank you. You seem to forget that I don't have to be here!" He grabbed the woman's shoulders and forced her down onto the sofa.
"Let me refresh your memory. I have been the one who has been taking your bullshit. I have been the one who has actually cared about you. I have been the one who has stuck around even when my mind has screamed at me to leave!" As much as it pained him he had to say it. He had grown tired of Helena's attitude. Enough was enough.
He gave a sigh and paced around the living room. Things were beginning to spiral out of control again. This was not what he had intended. What he wanted.
Helena followed his paces, watching him with scrutinizing eyes. Now was the time to come clean. No more keeping it in. She was done, finished. Inhaling deeply, she spoke, her voice low. "And I have been the one who has loved you even when you have given me every reason not to."
Leon stopped cold in his steps, a small gasp slipping from his lips. Had he heard correctly? He looked to the woman whose expression had softened, "W-what?"
"I love you Leon. I can't deny it anymore. Believe me, I've tried so hard." Helena exhaled softly. "If only you could see what I see. If only you could realize Ada is just using you."
Leon stood dumbfounded. What was he supposed to do with this? What was he supposed to say? He was certainly not prepared for this; he never even saw it coming. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he spoke. "I-It's not that easy Helena. I love Ada. My heart has belonged to her for 15 years. I care so much for you. I can't imagine my life without you. You mean the world to me. But Ada… she's like a part of me I can't let go."
A humorless snort escaped Helena's throat. "Maybe she does love you, but it is not the love you need. You need intimately companionate love, not physically companionate. It kills me that you can't let go of her. That you can't open yourself up; open your heart up entirely to someone else." With one final sigh, the woman stood and entered the kitchen.
Leon was frozen, unable to believe his ears. She loved him? She loved him? She loved him? She loved him? He exhaled and shook his head in disbelief. Just what exactly was he supposed to do with that? Shit…
Hmm.. well.. quite the predicament, wouldn't you agree? Let me know your thoughts.