A/N: Here is a one-shot I wrote for the Kurtbastian Hiatus Project prompt 'corn maze'. The title is a throwback to the 'Children of the Corn' movies. It's just a bit of fluffy humor with the family trying to make it through a corn maze.

It's been over 45 minutes already, and the sky is starting to get dark. Kurt walks along the outside row of corn stalks with Thomas and his dog Hepburn in tow, peeking through the gaps in between the plants in search of his husband.

"Where is he, papa?" the little boy asks as he shadows his father's footsteps.

"I don't know, Thomas," Kurt answers, rising up on his tiptoes to try and see over the hedge of corn.

"Do you think he's going to be much longer?" Thomas asks. "Because I'm starting to get hungry."

"I know, I know," Kurt says, stopping and exhaling into the cool night air. He leads Thomas back to the entrance of the maze and they wait there for a moment, watching as kids and parents race in and out with ease, but when - after fifteen minutes - they see no sign of Sebastian, Kurt goes back to pacing along the outside wall with his son in hopes of catching a glimpse of his husband.

Kurt is about to ask the attendant at the front entrance for help when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He feels relieved, but he still rolls his eyes, answering it without even checking the incoming number.

"You know, if you wanted to get rid of me, divorce is a completely rational option. You didn't have to abandon me in a field in the middle of nowhere to die."

"Seb," Kurt says with a chuckle, "we're in a mall parking lot. We're hardly in the middle of nowhere."

"Yeah, well, you're not the one trapped in the corn maze of death," Sebastian says. "Are you sure that this isn't just a crop circle and I've been transported to an alien ship? That would explain why my service is so frickin' spotty."

"I would like to think that a race of hyper-intelligent alien beings would have better sense than to construct a crop circle outside of K-Mart," Kurt huffs, checking his watch for the time. "Look, could you hurry it up? Some of us are wasting away out here."

"So what's the goal of this again?" Sebastian continues as he stomps through three inches of hay in search of the exit. "Am I trying to find a port key or do I have to fight a Minotaur…"

"I don't understand this. Thomas and I made it in and out in ten minutes," Kurt remarks. He sees a small mob of kids come around the corner, cheering, and he can't help chuckling. Kurt has seen the same three kids come in and out of that maze in the last hour since Sebastian's been lost.

"Yeah, well, you guys had the dog," Sebastian argues.

"Don't give me that, Smythe," Kurt says, keeping an eye on Thomas to make sure he doesn't misinterpret his and Sebastian's banter as fighting. Thomas still has a few insecurity issues as far as that is concerned. "You didn't come with us because you said bringing Hepburn along was cheating! You wanted to make it through the maze using your manly instincts. And F.Y.I., it's not as if Hepburn is a search and rescue dog. He didn't help us out of the maze one bit."

"But…" Sebastian starts with a defense already in mind.

"And…" Kurt rails on as his stomach twists and gives a loud, famished growl, "might I remind you that your phone has GPS? You could have been out of there an hour ago."

"Well, if I…wait…" Sebastian pauses. "Say that again?"

"Say what…"

"Kurt?" Kurt can hear Sebastian's voice inside the maze nearby without the use of his phone. "Is that…where are you?"

Kurt rolls his eyes again.

"Well, I can't exactly give you latitude and longitude…"

"Jesus Christmas, Kurt, just…hold up your hand and wave," Sebastian groans, this time loud enough that Kurt knows he's hearing him just a few feet away.

"Alright," Kurt relents, raising his hand and waving it in the air, feeling justifiably ridiculous. "Hello!" he calls out with the phone pulled away from his ear. "Here I am! Yoo-hoo!"

He hears a shhhhhhick! sound as the corn stalks in the maze in front of him begin to shudder and shake. The sound gets louder as another closer row of corn stalks make the same rustling sound. Finally, the stalks right in front of him start to quake wildly, and from within him, he hears a slightly pained groan. A leg clad in dark blue denim and an arm wearing a familiar Burberry coat sleeve break through, followed by another leg and arm, then a head, until the whole of Sebastian Smythe has stumbled from the maze, his hair and clothes a mass of dried corn stalk litter, leaving a human shaped hole in the wall.

Kurt slow claps, smirking at his disheveled husband.

"And that wasn't cheating?" Kurt asks while Sebastian dusts plant debris from his clothes.

"No," Sebastian says, "that was intelligent planning."

"What!?" Kurt barks, looking at the maze and back at Sebastian with an incredulous expression. "How do you figure that?"

"Well," Sebastian explains, looking left and right to see if anyone from All-Season Productions has yet caught on to the fact that he destroyed part of their maze, "a huge ass maze made entirely of dry, flammable materials with only one entrance and one exit? No, see, that's a safety code violation."

Kurt raises an eyebrow and side-eyes the wall.

"So this is…" he says, gesturing to the hole, leaving his sentence open for an explanation.

"Pfft!" Sebastian says, blowing a piece of stalk off his lip as he mocks his husband for his denseness. "It's a fire exit."

Kurt drops his head and sighs, reaching out a hand for Thomas.

"You see," Kurt says, grabbing hold of his son and leading him from the parking lot and the compromised maze, "this is why we can't take you anywhere."