A/N: Kurt and Sebastian are talking about adopting another child, when Thomas overhears and misunderstands, thinking they want a new child to replace him. Warning for anxiety.
Kurt smiles when he sees Sebastian enter the kitchen and take a seat on a stool by the kitchen island.
"How is the little guy?" Kurt asks, pulling down a bag of coffee beans, getting ready for a late night caffeine fix.
"Fast asleep," Sebastian says with a tired smile – an indicator that their little man did not go down without a fight.
"How many this time?" Kurt asks, grabbing two mugs.
"Seven," Sebastian sighs, picking up his neglected newspaper, which he had meant to read over breakfast this morning, and dividing up the sections. Kurt watches him from the corner of his eye. Sebastian's systematic way of reading the paper was just one of his little quirks that Kurt had discovered, and grown to love.
"That's two more than last night," Kurt chuckles, and Sebastian rolls his eyes.
"Yup. If we keep going this way, we'll be up to fifteen books by Friday, and I don't know how much more of the Samurai Rangers I can stand."
Kurt chuckles while the seed of a thought bounces around his head. He opens a drawer and takes out two spoons while he considers it.
"Did you hear that Wes and Cynthia are trying for a third?" Kurt asks his husband, rummaging through the cabinet for the coffee grinder.
"A third what?" Sebastian asks, flipping through the paper, looking for the sports section.
Kurt raises an eyebrow and shakes his head.
"A third baby, meerkat," Kurt laughs, pulling down the wayward appliance and sets it up on the counter.
"I didn't realize they had two baby meerkats," Sebastian smirks, not looking up from his paper, "not to mention wanting to acquire a third."
Kurt throws a coffee bean at Sebastian's head and snickers when it lodges itself firmly into the wave of his upswept bangs. Sebastian's unamused eyes peek up from over the edge of his paper and Kurt laughs, snickering as Sebastian reaches up a hand in search of it.
"Do you ever think about it?" Sebastian asks, locating the bean, plucking it out, and flicking it back at his husband. Kurt dodges the small, poorly aimed projectile with ease, trying to snuff out his remaining chuckles before he accidentally wakes up their son.
"Think about what?" Kurt asks, measuring out the coffee beans and pouring them into the grinder.
"You know…" Sebastian looks over his shoulder to make sure that no tiny ears are listening in. "Do you ever think about having another kid? Maybe one of our own?"
Kurt puts down the bag of coffee beans and cocks his head.
"N…" he starts automatically, but then he clamps his mouth shut. He rolls his eyes up toward the ceiling and leans his hip against the counter, contemplating his knee-jerk answer. "Well, to be completely honest, I did think about it in the beginning."
"That's what I thought," Sebastian says, sounding slightly proud of himself for knowing his husband.
"Did you now?" Kurt asks rhetorically, returning his attention to pulverizing the coffee beans.
"Well, you're kind of an open book," Sebastian says superiorly.
Kurt stops the grinder and throws him a look.
"Literally," Sebastian says, ready to defend himself from any more flying beans coming his way. "I mean, you scrapbook."
Kurt doesn't offer a response, opening the lid to the machine and preparing to move the French roast grinds to the coffee press, his cheeks pinking as he works. He had forgotten all about those scrapbooks – book after book of his hopes and dreams that he'd been putting together for as long as he could remember. There was one for his dream college, one for his dream job, one for his dream wedding…and another about the child he wanted so badly. He knows they're still hanging around somewhere – he doesn't let go of anything – but he never thought that Sebastian would have looked through them.
"And now?" Sebastian asks, yanking Kurt out of his thoughts and back to the conversation.
"Nope," Kurt says without reservation. "I mean, you know what the counselor said about Thomas and his anxiety issues."
"I know what the counselor said," Sebastian says, rolling his eyes. "I was there, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember," Kurt laughs, remembering how nervous Sebastian was during that meeting. When they started the process to become foster parents, Sebastian was still his signature cocky, smart-ass self, but by the third interview - after the third authority figure scrutinized their home, their lives, their finances - some of that snark had worn off and Sebastian knocked down a few pegs.
By that point, he didn't care who he had grovel to. He just wanted a child.
Kurt sighs. He might as well tell him. Sebastian probably already knows, and besides, there's no harm in daydreaming.
"I always imagined I'd have a little girl," Kurt says, staring dreamily over Sebastian's head.
"Really?" Sebastian asks, resting his chin in the palm of his head, arm propped against the counter he's sitting beside.
"Yeah," Kurt says, eyes returning to his husband's face. "I could picture her in my mind, too – big blue eyes, curly brown hair…kind of like my mom as a girl, I guess." Kurt returns his eyes to the coffee press, Sebastian suspects to hide a tear or two that he doesn't want his husband to see. Sebastian doesn't comment on it. He lets Kurt have his moment. "What about you?" Kurt asks with a sniffle. "If you could handpick a child, what would you…"
Kurt's question is cut off by the sound of a tired, muffled gasp somewhere behind Sebastian. Sebastian turns quickly and Kurt rushes to his side, both men already knowing where the sound came from.
Kurt sees his son, and his heart cracks.
The little boy in Spiderman pajamas, still drowsy from sleep, bursts into tears and races away back to his room, the sound of sobs and the patter of tiny footsteps echoing in his wake.
"Oh no," Kurt says, starting to follow. "What did he hear? Do you think he heard everything? You know what his counselor said about his abandonment issues! If he thinks…"
"Shhh," Sebastian says, grabbing Kurt's arms before he can take off after their son. "It's going to be fine. Let me field this one…alright?" Kurt starts to shake his head no, but then silently relents. It won't be any use him trying to console their son if he can't stop himself crying. Sebastian brushes a tear off Kurt's cheek and pecks him on the lips before leaving him in the kitchen to finish with the coffee.
Sebastian follows the sound of sobs down the hall to Thomas's room, wondering for a second what happened to his life. As a young man, he never pictured himself with a husband or a son. If someone had told him as a freshman in high school that he would get married after college, settle down, have a child, and be insanely happy giving up clubbing and partying for things like recorder recitals and PTA meetings, he would have thought they were mad. But here he is, walking down the hallway of the suburban home that he co-owns – a hallway covered in framed photos of the family he helped create - about to comfort a little boy in Spiderman pajamas.
Funny what happens to your life when you leave high school behind and finally grow the fuck up.
Sebastian stops at the only door with a Power Rangers poster taped to the outside and knocks, creeping the partially cracked door open slowly to let himself inside.
"Tom-Tom?" he calls out softly, his attention directed to the large lump huddled beneath the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comforter – a lump much too large to be just one small boy. Thomas's Labradoodle Hepburn must have climbed beneath the covers with him, to comforting his distraught charge. "Tom-Tom? Come out and talk to me, please."
Sebastian hears a whimper, but no coherent words, and then more sobbing.
"Oh, Tom-Tom. Buddy…" Sebastian sits on the edge of the bed, feeling around first to make sure he doesn't squish any hands or arms or paws. "What's the matter? Why are you crying?"
Sebastian hears nothing but hushed crying for a moment, then the lump under the blanket moves, and a scrunched face peeks out from beneath.
"You…you guys don't want me," Thomas says, his face crumbling after. "You're going to…you're going to trade me for another kid. For a little girl, like papa always wanted."
"Tom-Tom," Sebastian says, rubbing a soothing hand up and down his son's trembling back, "you were listening to tall talk. You know you're not supposed to do that."
"B-but it's…but it's true," Thomas stutters, his face red and puffy with tears. "Papa…papa wants a girl. You don't want me anymore."
"Thomas," Sebastian says, in a more firm tone than he normally uses with his son, "have papa or I ever told you that we don't love you, or that we don't want you anymore?"
Thomas sniffles, looking up into his father's eyes, thinking back carefully on all the time they've spent together as a family, even though the answer is pretty simple.
"No," Thomas answers. "No, you've never said that."
"That's right," Sebastian says, reaching beneath the comforter and pulling the little boy out. He sets Thomas on his lap and hugs him tight. "We've never said it because we love you, Tom-Tom." Sebastian sighs, dropping a kiss into the mess of Thomas's hair. "You know, you didn't catch the beginning of that conversation. The part where your papa said he didn't want anyone but you."
"Really?" Thomas asks, looking into his father's face to double-check that his father isn't lying to him.
"Really," Sebastian assures him, kissing his son on the forehead, then the cheeks, then attacking him with zerberts until he starts laughing. "You know, believe it or not, your papa and I had a life of our own before you came along. There were things we wanted and things that we thought we would do."
"Did any of those things happen?" Thomas asks, relaxing in Sebastian's arms and starting to yawn.
"A lot of them did," Sebastian says, picking Thomas up and carrying him to the head of his bed. "A lot of them won't happen, and a lot of them will, but haven't happened yet." Sebastian tucks Thomas beneath his comforter and Hepburn, who had already crawled out from beneath the blankets and was waiting patiently by the side of the bed, leaps up to take his place beside Thomas. "Someday, when we're all ready, we might adopt another little boy or girl. We might not." Sebastian shrugs. "But no matter what your papa and I do, we will never, ever give up loving you."
Thomas smiles and nods and yawns again, thinking over what his father said.
"It might be nice to have a little brother or sister someday," Thomas admits, kicking his legs beneath his blankets, "you know, to play with and teach stuff to."
"That's the spirit, kiddo," Sebastian says, ruffling his son's hair.
After another yawn, Thomas's sweet smile grows to a huge, calculating grin that encompasses his entire face.
"And someone to blame stuff on so I don't get in trouble."
"There you go," Sebastian says, assaulting the boy with tickles and hugging him tight. "Now, why don't you keep thinking about that and get your butt back to sleep? We'll talk about this more later."
"Alright, daddy," Thomas says, kissing Sebastian on the cheek. "Good-night."
"Good-night, Tom-Tom."
Sebastian offers Hepburn a scratch on the head and a "Good boy", then backs out of the room. Sebastian watches Thomas turn to his side and throw an arm around the dog, who lowers his head to the pillow to keep watch over the boy till he falls asleep. Sebastian opens the door to Thomas's room carefully, knowing what's going to meet him on the other side. He takes a step out and closes the door, keeping it open just a hair. He indulges in a deep, tension-releasing breath, sliding down the frame to sit on the floor beside his husband. Kurt loops an arm under Sebastian's and pulls him close, resting his head on Sebastian's shoulder and sighing a relieved, contented sigh.
"That was so sweet what you told him," Kurt says, snuggling closer.
"I told you I could handle it, babe," Sebastian says, kissing his husband on the head much the same way he had kissed his son. "I've kind of been in his shoes once before."
"That's right," Kurt says, forgetting for a second that his husband has a younger brother. "Is that what your parents told you when your brother was born?"
Kurt peeks up at his husband's face and watches Sebastian's smile unexpectedly drift away.
"No," Sebastian says in a hard voice. "No, my parents told me that my brother was their second chance..."
Sebastian's sentence peters off; Kurt's brow furrows while he considers his husband's comment.
"A second chance?" Kurt asks, confused. "A second chance at wh– oh, Sebastian…honey. I'm so sorry." Kurt had met Sebastian's parents on several occasions. They weren't exactly warm or affectionate people, but that...that was just cruel.
Sebastian shrugs, tugging Kurt to sit between his legs and wrapping his arms tighter around him.
"Don't sweat it, babe," he says, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "I don't need them. I've got my own family…" Sebastian leans his head to talk closer to Kurt's ear, "and I wouldn't trade you guys for anything."