Seasonal work means exhaustion and no free time, but here you go. Thanks so much for reading- if you're still into it, I'll keep writing it. Let me know!
Sara
I wiped sore hands on the worn out knees of my climbing pants, streaking chalk across the black material, keeping my eyes trained on Lindsay who was clinging nervously to the wall in front of me.
"Grab the rock by your right hand"
I pointed enthusiastically to the small red plastic piece jutting out from the wall, moving to her left side.
"I can't" her voice was tense as she shifted slightly on the tiny surface of the holds beneath her feet. With her slight build and inherent coordination, she was doing better than half of the climber's bouldering around us in the small gym.
I smiled, watching her tense gaze fixed on the grip I had pointed out.
"Sure you can"
A look of indecision crossed over her features, before her eyebrow's knit together in determination. She launched herself forward, grabbing the small hold seamlessly, switching balancing legs to step onto a higher grip. Without much hesitation, she swung up to grab the final hold on the route, pride rushing through me as I let out a holler of excitement. She dropped down onto the large mat beneath her and I spun around on the toe of a worn out climbing shoe, meeting Catherine's amused gaze from the observation area.
"Did you see that?" I called, grabbing the blonde as she ran up, snaking an arm around her front and pulling her small frame back against me.
"Did you see mom?"
Catherine's smile was infectious, bright eyes shifting from me to Lindsay, raising her coffee mug up at her in recognition.
"I saw- you're a natural babe"
The blonde tilted her head back to look up at me with a wide smile, chalky fingers gripping my arm.
"I told you that you could do it"
I gave her a small squeeze before releasing her from my grip, watching her dart back over to the wall.
It was a real testament to the determination Catherine held to keep my mind off of the chaos at work and the three days and counting of silence from Sofia that was quietly turning me inside out that she had not only agreed to this, but suggested it. After the horrific shooting and a particularly exhausting double shift, she had dragged me out for a lengthy breakfast, forcing me to eat something more than the toast that I had reluctantly attempted to order. This morning before we left work she cornered me in the locker room with an offer she knew I wouldn't refuse.
Regardless of her efforts, there was a knot in my chest that I couldn't seem to relieve. Time that wasn't occupied by Catherine I spent jogging through the quiet neighbourhoods of Vegas, running long overdue errands, burying myself in backlogged cases at work- doing my best to avoid the complete upheaval of PD. I smoked two packs of cigarettes without realizing. I drank coffee instead of sleeping, the murmur of my police scanner a familiar comfort.
After the second day of reaching Sofia's voice mail, I sought out Jim, placing a black coffee onto his desk with a gentle smile. He was drowning in paperwork and departmental meetings, his tired eyes softening at the sight of me. I had attempted to be casual when asking if he had heard from her, though observing the half moons beneath my worried eyes, I could almost see the exact moment that he pieced it together.
He moved around his desk, resting a heavy hand on my shoulder as he told me not to worry- that she was an escapist when drowning herself in the job wasn't an option. "She's been on my mind too, but she'll come around when she's ready. Just give her some time."
Catherine smiled as I approached, flipping shut the book she had been reading with a manicured hand.
"I'm not sure if I should be thrilled or horrified that she's so into this"
I smiled, dropping down into the seat next to her, tilting my neck back into a slight stretch. "Relax Cat, she's not free climbing mountains"
She sighed, adjusting her gaze from Lindsay over to me. Her phone buzzed against the small wooden table, though she paid no attention to it, leaning back in her seat and crossing a slim leg over the other.
"Yeah well, don't mention the idea in front of her or she might make it her next goal. She's been begging me to take her down to the coast to attempt surfing ever since someone brought it up last week." She ran fingers through silky hair- more blonde than red as of a few days ago, a soft smile on her lips despite the blatant irritation her voice held.
I watched Lindsay hesitate for a few moments on a hold, finding her footing before pushing up along the route. I felt a swell of pride at her determination, a trait clearly inherited from her ever-confident mother- piercing eyes burning into my flesh from two feet away.
I turned, meeting her intense gaze. I barely had a chance to begin analyzing that penetrating look before she blinked, eyes softening as she casually brushed back a stray lock of hair. "I promised Lindsay we would order pizza tonight- you in?"
I felt my lips twitch into a smile, holding her gaze for a few long moments before looking away, back over at Lindsay, getting pointers from an older girl with wild curls pushed back with a bright head band.
A few months ago we could barely stand to be in the same room together. Now the ease with which she invited me along was surreal- the effortless way in which she made me feel welcome a sharp contrast from the years she had spent just as effortlessly making me feel entirely unwelcome. I knew that this was nothing more than a soft kindness- a way of keeping me from retreating into the darkness that she knew well that I had a tendency to fall into when things got too heavy. But regardless, I was grateful to not have to face my apartment or Gil's uncomfortable mix of concern and irritation at my insistent presence. I nodded, turning my gaze back to meet hers. "I'm in"
Her phone buzzed again, my hand vibrating lightly against the tabletop. She picked up the offending item but didn't pay it any attention, flipping it over in her hand absently as she glanced over at another wall, observing the harnessed climbers with mild interest.
"Don't let this deter you, but I may have also promised a movie of her choice" she shot me a tired look, sliding her hand to my forearm absently. "There will be wine"
"As long as it's not another bad 90's horror movie, I'm in" I mused, feeling a tightness in my stomach as soon as the words left my mouth. Cheesy horror movies were Sofia's entertainment of choice. The last one she chose had been particularly awful, sitting cross legged beside me, blatantly ignoring the incredulous looks I shot over at her every once in a while, a bowl of popcorn in her lap as she stared at the screen, enthralled.
She had an endearingly irritating habit of talking at the screen- shushing me with a little frown of annoyance when I tried to answer her rhetorical questions. I had managed to maneuver my way out of the worst of them by using her weak spots to my advantage- soft kisses against the back of her neck; nails lightly raking over the muscled flesh of her stomach, driving her to indefinite distraction.
I absently glanced over at the lockers, knowing that she hadn't returned my calls in the few hours that I had been away, but feeling the overwhelming urge to check anyway. I turned back to meet Catherine's soft gaze, fingers squeezing my arm supportively, apparently having picked up on my sudden tension.
The table vibrated once again and I let out an annoyed exhalation, nodding towards her phone "Are you going to get that?"
She sighed, shooting the item a distasteful look, "No"
I raised an eyebrow in question and she groaned quietly, sliding her hand off of my arm to push a stray lock of hair behind her ear, my skin immediately missing her warmth.
"Liev is trying to get me to go out for drinks with him tonight"
My eyes rolled instinctively, reaching up to tug out my tight ponytail using my fingers to tussle out my wild brunette waves
"He is persistent, I'll give him that"
I felt her eyes trailing over my form, tongue darting out just enough to wet her lips as her fingers tightened their grip on her coffee mug. Eventually they met mine, blinking a few times as she took in my growing smirk.
"Huh?"
I leaned back in my chair, smirk in tact as I shook my head, slightly bemused. I refused to allow myself to dissect the way her behavior towards me had altered over the past few weeks. It would be so easy to read lust in that azure gaze trailing over my skin; to mistake her lingering touches for desire. This was Catherine Willows- I knew the dangers of reading into her effortless charm.
A light blush crept onto her cheeks as she attempted to play off whatever had just happened, turning slightly to wave her hand in Lindsay's direction, motioning to her wrist in the universal 'it's time to go' motion.
"So are you going to?"
She glanced back at me, a light frown tugging at her features. "Going to what?"
I chuckled, gesturing towards her phone "Have drinks… with Liev…"
She took a long sip of coffee, holding my gaze for a drawn out moment, attempting to keep the hint of a smile off her face. "No" she said finally, dropping her heeled foot to the ground and grabbing her book- some heavy read on blood spatter analysis- off the table.
I refused to acknowledge the slight sense of relief I felt, watching her stand up with a light stretch, turning towards the younger blonde jogging towards us.
/
We ate pizza on the back porch despite the chill, sharing a bottle of red wine. Catherine had strung up fairy lights back in July when we had celebrated Nick's birthday with a barbeque and a few too many pitchers of white wine Sangria. The vines that Lily planted had taken over the space with their green and yellow beauty, now brown and dried out from the winter chill. They still held a certain charm though, beneath the soft glow of lights.
Lindsay sat cross legged on the chair beside me, wrapped in a dark blanket, taking the reins of the conversation as she scarfed down the better part of the large vegetarian pizza, casually tossing all of the mushrooms she came across onto my plate, the olives onto Catherine's.
Grateful for the teenagers solid hold on the conversation, I allowed my attention to sway towards Catherine, observing with an absurd level of intrigue the way her wine glass rested loosely in her thin hand; the way she leaned softly back in her chair, focusing on Lindsay's words with genuine interest- something about Colton and a trip to San Diego for spring break. Halfway through the casual attempt at convincing her of this audacious plan, she shifted her gaze over to meet mine with an amused look, taking a sip of wine and a slow, deep breath. Her hair fell in waves over her shoulders, golden beneath the dim lights, and I found myself tearing my eyes away from her to drain my glass of wine in a single swallow, ignoring the burning feel of her analytical gaze.
/
I forgot the name of the movie before it even began- some romantic comedy that Lindsay found wildly entertaining, curled up on the couch against my side, giggling between handfuls of popcorn.
Catherine had positioned herself in the small spot to my left, the feel of her leg pressing lightly against mine the central point of my focus until I eventually drifted off, lulled to sleep by the wine and quiet laughter.
I dreamt of gunfire and a faceless blonde lying lifeless in an empty street, crimson soaked hair and a revolver still resting loosely in her pale hand. Of the gun aimed at my bare chest, the shapeless face morphed into Sofia's, beautiful features contorted in pain. Of empty canyons and warm arms sliding around my waist from behind, soft lips brushing against my ear.
"Sara"
The gentle sound roused me back into consciousness, blinking heavy eyes open to meet a soft azure gaze. Catherine smiled, a warm hand coming up to touch my shoulder softly.
"Movies over" she whispered, hand hesitantly dropping away as I shifted slightly, her body angled towards me on the couch, one leg tucked casually beneath her. Her hair was lightly mussed, a light flush to her pale cheeks. The low V of her navy top was offering a teasing view of her ample chest and I quickly caught myself before my eyes could wander too far, flicking up to meet her impossibly blue ones.
I blinked a few times, adjusting to my surrounding as I ran a hand through my hair. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep"
She shook her head lightly, "Don't be- I would sit through 100 cheesy romance movies with you if it meant you would close your god damn eyes for a while"
I felt a small tug at my heart, lips pursing into a smile at the very Catherine-like sentiment. She smiled softly, an elbow leaning against the back of the couch, her head coming to rest against her hand, the other sliding onto my leg softly, as though this sort of intimacy was completely commonplace for us.
"Stay"
I felt my skin instantly burning beneath her touch, fingertips gently pressing into my jean-clad flesh. I held her gaze for a steady moment before my eyes fell to her lips, lingering for a moment before moving down the ivory curve of her neck, over her freckled shoulders, down to the swell of her breasts, the pale flesh moving with each breath. I knew this was a dangerous move, but couldn't bring myself to care.
It took a few moments to remember myself, eyes slowly returning to hers- suddenly a deep shade of navy. The pressure of her fingertips increased slightly- intentionally or not I wasn't sure, but I couldn't suppress a sharp inhalation at the feel.
Her heavy gaze dropped suddenly down to my lips, tongue darting out to wet her own unconsciously. "The spare room is… um… made up" she mused quietly, eyes flicking back up to mine.
She was gorgeous. It wasn't a revelation or an unusual thought, but from this proximity her beauty was more intimate; more intricate. There were flecks of amber in her wildly blue irises; a faint scar against her smooth temple.
Stop.
"Catherine…"
She hummed softly in response, gaze heavy and unfocused. I felt a wave of desire, feeling myself leaning in ever so slightly.
Absolutely not- stop
"I can't stay" I finally managed to get out, my voice huskier than it had been moments ago.
She hesitated a breath before moving her hand up to run gently through my hair, eyes transfixed on the slow movement of her own fingertips.
"I'm worried about you" she whispered.
I reached up to gingerly wrap my hand around her soft fingers, pulling her hand down into my lap.
"I'm okay. Really, you've been…" I tried to grasp the proper words, my body working independently from my brain as I reached out to brush a stray lock of hair away from her face. It would be so easy to sink my fingers into her jasmine hair- capture those lips that had been distracting me for longer than I would ever admit with my own. It would be so easy to stay.
I dropped my hand away, taking a deep breath as I stood suddenly, a confused look coloring her soft features. I didn't know how to articulate that the combination of wine, our proximity, my vulnerability and her overpowering beauty was a lethal one, so I just offered her a soft smile before turning to head towards the door.
"Thanks for today, it was uh, a lot of fun"
I turned back to her from the safety of the entrance, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets, cursing my tactlessness. She hadn't moved, though a smirk had formed on her lips, azure eyes focusing on me intently.
"I'll see you tomorrow… night. At work"
Smooth. Real Smooth.
I rolled my eyes at myself as I turned to go, grasping the door handle, about to make a much-needed escape when a sinking realization set in. I took a breath, turning back around to face her, eyeing me expectantly with a barely concealed grin.
"You drove me here" I stated, smiling sheepishly as I awkwardly shifted my weight, running a hand through my dark hair. "I can call a cab… I'll call a cab"
She chuckled, sliding her legs off of their perch on the couch.
"Let me grab my keys"
/
Wandering slowly up to my apartment, lost in thought over the deeply confusing tension that had been growing between Catherine and I, my chest tightened almost painfully as I rounded the corner, greeted with the sight of a figure leaning against the railing- blonde hair tied into a loose ponytail, illuminated by the distant street lights. My pace slowed though never fully halted, clenching my fists as I walked, fingers aching for a cigarette. I needed to stop smoking and engaging with such jarring women.
She wore a black t-shirt, tucked loosely into dark jeans that clung to mile-long legs. A cigarette was resting between thin fingers, bare forearms leaning against the cold metal ledge. As I approached she turned her head in my direction, glacial eyes sharp and unreadable.
She straightened up, turning to lean back against the railing, taking a long drag and blowing a casual breath of smoke up into the air as I approached.
"You're a bad influence" she raised the cigarette slightly in reference, scattering glowing embers to the ground with a flick of her thumb.
Her ability to disguise her feelings was unnerving as ever, though her fingertips tapping silently together was a tell of her unease, as was the tension she held in her jaw. I had spent months obsessing over her intricacies from a distance- I knew her well.
I remained for a long moment between her and my door, arms crossed as I held her steady gaze. I could feel the painful tension in my own jaw, refusing to let it show on my features.
I wanted to hold her, offer her a haven where she could drop this fake air of indifference. I wanted to kiss her, memorize her feel. I wanted to leave, disappear into the confines of my apartment without so much as a word.
Instead I moved forward, fingers brushing hers as I grasped the remainder of the cigarette, taking a final drag before dropping it to crush beneath my boot. Her eyes dropped down to my lips as I blew out a slow breath of smoke, distracting her momentarily before they moved back up to mine.
"You've been on my mind"
She nodded softly, glancing down at her hands.
"How are you doing?"
She chuckled softly, blue eyes looking away from me as she crossed her arms with a slight shrug. "I'm alive"
When her eyes met mine again they were bright with unshed tears, a shaky hand moving up to run over her tied back hair.
"Honestly, I'm driving myself a little bit crazy" she spoke quietly, a small smile void of any actual joy drifting across her features. The innocence of her wide blue eyes was something I knew that few people ever saw; the silent plea for comfort.
The smell of vanilla and leather mixed with the undertones of whiskey and stale cigarettes invaded my senses, her body relaxing into mine as I enveloped her in my arms. She exhaled a shaky breath against my neck, her temple soft beneath my lips. She felt like home- vital and familiar. I hadn't bothered to attempt to define what this was between us- not exactly dating, not quite in love- but I did love her. I loved her fiercely.
She pulled just far enough back to look at me, a cold hand coming up to rest softly on my neck.
"Sara… it scares me to feel like I need anything. I pride myself on being self sufficient, on not needing things" she ran a hand over her wild hair, glancing away for a moment, my eyes memorizing the shape of her soft features. "I felt like I needed you, after the shooting, and that terrifies me… I don't…"
Two tears streaked down her cheeks as her eyes met mine once again, the first real break in her composure that she had allowed in front of me. She immediately brushed them away with the back of her hand, my arm tightening its grip around her waist as my hand came up to cup her cheek softly, running a thumb over her soft skin. She shook her head lightly, the pain etched across her features like a direct blow to my chest.
"I know the feeling"
She took a shaky breath, reaching up to run the soft pad of her thumb over my bottom lip gently before her lips were on mine, soft and demanding. She tasted of whiskey, honey and salt, the wetness of her tears dampening my own cheeks.
Her fingertips that had made their way beneath the material of my shirt became nails, digging lightly into the flesh of my back before dragging them across my skin, eliciting a quiet gasp. She hummed quietly, a hot reverberation against my neck before her teeth grazed the skin beneath her lips. I bit back a moan, hands sliding down to her waist.
I hesitated, trying to focus on something other than the feel of her mouth moving down my neck, mildly head-spun by the abrupt change of course this had taken. I knew all too well what it was like to need someone to drag you out of the depths of your own mind; offer an undeniable distraction. Even better, I knew what it was like to bury your emotions and slowly self destruct.
Sensing my hesitation, she pulled back just far enough to meet my eyes with a burning intensity that was almost tangible. I felt a wave of desire flood through me beneath her gaze, pale hand sliding into my hair, pulling me closer as she captured my lips in a bruising kiss. I moaned as a hand found its way to my toned stomach, moving slowly up to roughly cup my breast. I tightened my grip on her hips, pressing a thigh up between hers, pinning her back against the railing in the process. She whimpered into my mouth, hips rolling forward against me.
"Sofia…" I whispered, grasping at the final threads of my composure.
Her ragged breath was hot against my lips, glacial eyes flicking up to meet mine, heavy lidded and intense. "Fuck me" she breathed.
This time there was no hesitation, lost in a mess of hands and teeth and desperation. She came once against the inside of my door, my name on her lips- again on the couch, fingers tangled painfully in my hair. The third time her teeth clenched violently against my shoulder, body shaking in my steady arms. I ran my hand over her soft back, pressing kisses into her damp hair. She caught her breath, fingertips lightly tracing the skin of my shoulder for a few long minutes before her body began to shake, wracked with violent sobs.
"I've got you" I whispered softly against her hair.