A/N: While Kurt tries his best to put together gingerbread houses for a school bake sale, Sebastian gets on Kurt's nerves by singing his own repetitive, obnoxious version of a Christmas carol.
Written for the Hummel Holidays prompts 'baking' and 'gingerbread', and dedicated to my husband (he knows why xD)
"Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…"
Making gingerbread houses for Thomas's school's Christmas Cake Walk is simultaneously one of Kurt's most favorite and least favorite things they do around the holidays. Kurt loves it because he gets to break out his mother's gingerbread recipe, and the warm smell of ginger and spice filling the kitchen never fails to bring back memories of her.
But Kurt hates it because of that stupid, frickin' song.
Sebastian conjured that song up years ago when Kurt first shared this tradition of making gingerbread with him. Sebastian had been hitting the egg nog a little too hard, slurring his words, giggling after every one, and thus the term shoo-shoo bread was born.
It tickled Sebastian on some sadistic level, so that even after he sobered up, he wouldn't stop using it.
Kurt tries to ignore Sebastian's incessant singing, but his husband seems obsessed with making sure Kurt hears. When Kurt crosses from one end of the kitchen to the other, Sebastian follows. When Kurt puts on the food processor and the blender, Sebastian sings over them. When Kurt turns on Pandora for some traditional holiday music, Sebastian sings along, changing the words to accommodate his obnoxious ditty.
Sebastian even managed to recruit Thomas into his fun, so should Sebastian meet with some sort of untimely gingerbread-baking accident, his son will carry on the legacy.
"Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…"
But Kurt's not having it today. As always, when it comes to volunteering and baking matters, factors beyond Kurt's control have conspired to put him behind. This time, a combination of one mother's twins being delivered early, one family unexpectedly going to Vail for the holidays, and Sebastian's inability to keep his mouth shut whenever someone mentions a bake sale has saddled Kurt with the creation of twice as many gingerbread houses and families this year as last year…and last year, Kurt was cutting it close.
He might have a chance at getting it done. He planned to the second, prepared down to the last red licorice whip necktie. He might actually be able to pull through and be the hero of the Kaplan School's Christmas Carnival Annual Cake Walk and Fundraiser…if Sebastian could just stop singing that goddamned song!
"Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…"
Kurt puts down his pastry bag and takes a deep, calming breath. He's beginning to think that Scrooge had the right idea with the whole "boiled in his own pudding" thing.
"Hey, Sebastian," Kurt says, trying to figure out a way of stopping Sebastian without resorting to homicide, "I think I'm running out of red gumdrops and royal icing. Would you mind going to pick some up for me?"
"Sure, babe," Sebastian says, still humming the tune to his song behind his words. "I'm picking little man up in thirty. I'll go then. Okay?"
"Yeah," Kurt says with a nod and a tight smile. "Sure."
"Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…"
"Hey, Seb, could you order us a pizza for tonight? After all this gingerbread, I don't feel like cooking."
"Sure, babe," Sebastian says with genuinely played shock. "Wow. Pizza on a Tuesday. Circle this day in red."
"Yes, I know" – Kurt laughs – "now order the damn pizza."
"Alright, alright," Sebastian chuckles, pulling out his iPhone. "My man wants his pizza," he mutters while he dials. "Don't get in his way."
Kurt breathes in deep and prepares to relax, knowing that a break from the irritating caroling is at hand once Sebastian calls the pizzeria, but five minutes later, the singing hasn't stopped, and Kurt's grip on his sanity is loosening.
"Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…"
"Sebastian," Kurt says with forced sweetness, "aren't you going to order dinner?"
"I just did," Sebastian says, taking a tray of gingerbread children out of the oven.
"Well, I didn't hear you call."
"I didn't call. They have an app for that."
"Oh," Kurt grumbles, going back to putting Red Hot buttons on the vests of his gingerbread men, "great. That's just…that's just great."
"Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…"
Kurt gets the gingerbread families done, but the more Sebastian sings, the more Kurt's gingerbread houses suffer.
He can't ice any trim because his hand won't stop shaking.
His nerves on edge, he doesn't have the patience to finish the candied roses for the flower boxes.
He's been stress eating gumdrops for the last fifteen minutes.
When Sebastian takes Kurt's hand and spins him, dipping him low and going into a slow, heartfelt rendition of, "Shoo-shoo bread, shoo-shoo bread, gonna make some shoo-shoo bread…" Kurt snaps.
"Jesus-why!?" he screams, struggling to stand up and pull himself out of Sebastian's grasp. "Why, why, why do you do that!?"
"Why do I do what?" Sebastian asks innocently, grabbing one of the cookies off a plate of imperfects and taking a nibble.
"It's gingerbread!" Kurt yells, feeling free to express his frustration thoroughly since Thomas is at school and won't witness Kurt lose his temper. "Ginger…bread! Gingerbread. Not shoo-shoo bread. Why do you keep calling it shoo-shoo bread?"
"Well" – Sebastian swallows – "remember the first time I sang you this song?"
"Yeah," Kurt says, "and I remember telling you how much I hated it."
"Yup," Sebastian agrees.
Kurt watches Sebastian nibble his cookie, waiting for a more in depth explanation, but he doesn't get one, and that pisses Kurt off more than all thirty-seven rounds of that shoo-shoo bread song.
"That's why?" Kurt realizes. "That's the reason? Because it bugs me?"
Sebastian shrugs. "Do you know of a better reason?"
"Ugh." Kurt throws down his dish towel and takes off his apron. "I'm out. I'm gone. I can't be in the same room with you and knives."
"Where you going, Kurt?" Sebastian asks, unable to contain his grin. "You have about nine shoo-shoo bread houses to go."
"I'm going to go get our son and call a divorce lawyer." Kurt grabs the keys to his car and heads for the front door. "You can finish up the shoo-shoo bread by yourself."
"But, Kurt!" Sebastian follows after him with a plate of cookies in his hands. "Think about the children."
"I think Thomas will understand in time."
"No, Kurt!" Sebastian hurries after Kurt with the plate, cooling gingerbread boys and girls placed around the edge in a circle. "The shoo-shoo bread children! They want to love you, Kurt! Please, let them love you!"