Chapter 2- Farewell To The Known

Welcome back! Depending on how things go, and how much free time we get in our everyday lives, my goal is to post something once a day or every other day. The inspo for this one is soaring and I really want to capture it. Let's get into this!

He woke up in the morning, which was impressive enough. For the last week or so he rose whenever his brain decided, a vivid memory from time gone by acting as that wake up call. Sometimes it was from those days in the sandbox, other times it was early days on the job, but the overall theme of those visions was trauma and shock, mental or physical or both. So to hear buzzing and beeps from his phone, to squint against the sunlight he as turned the noise off, he hadn't felt more rejuvenated in quite some time. Perhaps after years of struggling and countless doctors and medication, the cure for the annual insomnia was a goal, a mission or thing to look forward to. Perhaps next year he'd plan a ski trip to Vail or cruise to the Bahamas.

It was standing in the closet with the largest backpack he owned that the checklist began making itself. On top of dusting off the old digs and rummaging for his ideal pair of shades, there was a myriad of people and places he had to check-in with before running through the walkways and gates of O'Hare International airport. The extra coded, vague text message to visit Chicago's disclosed Army location flashed across his phone. Back in the day it was a birthday card in the mail or phone call with certain amounts of rings. Thank goodness for technological advancements, Jay thought, as he typed out his unique reply that was engrained back in Fort Benning. It was so much better and secure and faster then those times. The meeting that wasn't going to happen was scheduled for noon, Jay checking off that line item as he zipped the crammed backpack closed.

It was during the morning speed shower that his travel itinerary dropped into his phone's alert system and calendar. Due to the fact he was a civilian, he was traveling under his own name. Should anyone ask he was an adventure seeker looking to photograph the Afghanistan desert. He thumbed through the route as he toweled himself off, noting the two connections between him and Kandahar and jokingly cursing Mouse for picking such tight plane swaps. The jerk was making him run wild across continents, no doubt laughing about the whole thing. He texted Voight and Platt that he needed a quick meeting, receiving one word replies several minutes later. The kitchen was cleaned up in minutes before the washing machine was emptied and the dryer purring before the final look around. Things were mostly in the correct place. It smelled semi-clean and wasn't that dirty for the most part. Oh how he let himself slack since his day in the military. It was very still, a snapshot of a very normal and functioning life. It wasn't grand, but it was his, and in seventy-two hours he'd return to it with another valiant mission under his belt. Checking his phone told him he was behind schedule, foregoing any notion of working out a final time before taking off.

"Just do it in the sand tomorrow," he told himself as he locked the front door and jogged down the hall. Today was going to be a crazy one, but it was hard to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. Despite the sucky aspect of the end, taking a trip back down memory lane was going to be fun, he told himself. Some epic 80s rock may or may not have been blaring in the truck on the way to work.

…

It's so odd how everyday things become snapshot moments. Certain items or daily tasks become countdowns to the moment. Emotions, ideas, big picture thoughts gather as you witness these little seconds, pick up on things you once neglected or hadn't ever recalled noticing. As Jay stood at the entrance of the district the magnitude began kicking in. He had no clue if he was going to come back whole or as the same person. Since he said 'yes' he assumed that everything would be alright, that this trip was a mini vacation with a spot of work in the middle. As he took in the sights, smells, sounds of the bustling precinct in the heart of the city, he asked himself if he was at peace with that uncertainty. If this splash of time on the program of things were to be the finale, would he be satisfied with his role in it all. It was the people, afraid, mad, crying, and smiling that told gave him his answer. They were here today because of the work he, and the team, did yesterday and the week before and the years prior. There was still a lot of bad to rid, but the accomplishments were seen in the faces in front of him. Furthermore, he justified that doing the mission over there would continue the work being done here. He wasn't fully aware of who the target was or what this person may have done, but the fact his aged ass was called in told enough. Things were bad and American lives were in danger, no further persuasion was needed.

"Halstead," Trudy barked across the way, bringing Jay out of the bunny trail in his mind and back to Chicago.

"Uh, yeah. Ready?" She motioned to Voight who was traipsing down the stairs, his usual chilled expression on his face. The addition of a bagel in hand was odd, but Jay chose to remain silent on that one was they got situated in the ever empty office closest to the steps. Trudy pointed for Jay to take a seat behind the desk while she and Voight claimed the two chairs in front. This was a strange moment, Jay having control over two people that guided his work life for several years now.

"So usually this is the other way around," Platt joked before looking to Voight to who nodded. Jay glanced at the bagel entering Voight's mouth before beginning.

"Last night I got a call from Mouse." He stopped there, waiting for the obvious response.

"How is he? He's still over there?"

"He sounded good, alright I guess. We didn't talk life but, he sounds like Mouse. And yeah, he's still over. In Kandahar actually so…"

"When do you leave," Voight butted in? Perhaps his response was brash, but that was him. He was a busy person with people to command and operations to complete. Small talk was never going to be his thing. Platt looked to him before shooting a look at Jay. She was under the impression that Jay was done, no longer able to head back over there. If anything, she was pissed that Voight was handling things so coldly. Jay inhaled before replying.

"This afternoon. In a couple hours really," he exhaled.

"What?"

"Mouse has some mission. It's not super lengthy but he asked for my help. Before all of this it was him and I. We got each other through that time and if one asks the other for assistance…we drop everything for them."

"Do you know how long it'll be?"

"I have about a day of traveling and then a day to get intel and prep and then the next day is when we actually complete this mission. I should be on my way back here in about seventy-two hours give or take."

"So, you're going back over there where…"

"Yes." The unofficial mother of the place looked to the unofficial father and sighed, hoping he would have some sort of an answer or rebuke for the last minute plan. But alas, Voight rose from his seat and extended a hand. Their unofficial son had made up his mind, was risking it all for the sake of them, their house, their country. In a way, it was selfish and cowardly to talk someone out of that sacrifice, especially if they were on board and at peace with it all.

"Good luck and come back home," Voight spoke while looking Jay straight in the eye. He response was a head nod.

"Sorry it's so last minute."

"When isn't it," Trudy replied. She rounded the desk and offered up a hug, Jay reveling in the awkwardness of the whole thing.

"One piece," she spoke into his shoulder.

"Sure."

"How are you getting there?"

"American to JFK before switching to British Airways to Berlin. Lufthansa to Baghdad which is where I get picked up and taken out to the base in Kandahar."

"Bring a book," Trudy huffed before slapping him on the shoulder. Jay chuckled while nodding, reminding himself to grab that at a stop in the airport.

"Do you want to tell them or shall we," Voight asked while reopening the office door.

"I'll tell them. I hate that it's got to be quick but…"

"Long goodbyes are never good." The three of them reentered the epicenter of things, the guys turning towards the steps while Platt resumed her perch on the pine throne. Voight went ahead of Jay, not noticing that his detective was staring at the ninety degree risers like they were the steps to Heaven. Here was another one of those last look, last moment feelings. He'd done this climb hundreds of thousands of times, quite literally in his sleep a good amount of time. It was the step up in his career, the position he worked so hard for, and now he was potentially doing it one final time. This opportunity to even comprehend that, grasp the gravity of things was a gift. He thought back to those who didn't have this moment, the ones where life snapped a finger and that was it. If this was the end, he was going to cherish it. If not for himself, then those who weren't able to today. Starting with the left and taking things one at a time, he reached the crest to a chorus of greetings and mundane looks. To the others it was another Wednesday, but to Jay it marked the end of his time card…at least for this week.

Jay took a seat at his desk, gently swiveling the chair left to right before pulling open each drawer, taking inventory for when he returned. If anyone planned on stealing a bag of snacks or prized work possessions, he was going to know. In the random rummaging he ate up the sounds around him. The once barren work board was being tacked to death by Vanessa and Kim, the next mission being plucked out of a sea of bad options. Mugshots, car details, crime scene photos were aligning the perimeter of the rectangle, the middle being saved for addition details and hand written discoveries. Atwater was in the break room with Hailey, the two of the giggling about some karaoke song they all wound up doing late into the previous night. Adam was calling in a favor from one of his CIs, no doubt to run data that he was too lazy to perform. This was the soundtrack of his life, the white noise that was once blocked now on full blast. Some may call this controlled chaos, Jay concluded it was something he was going to miss by noon tomorrow.

"Got it," he explained to himself upon finding dog tags. They weren't his but Mouse's. It was a tradition the two of them developed at the end of their first tour. They swapped tags with each other, house them in a safe but random place. When the time arrived to reunite they exchanged the thin, metal, impressed tags; a symbol to the other that they kept the promise of reuniting alive. Jay thumbed the metal beads and rubber lined square in his hand before tossing them deep in his pocket. It was time to announce his departure.

"So guys," he cooly began, not getting much in return. Kim shot him a 'one second' finger while Atwater and Hailey kept laughing it up in the break room. Adam flung the phone down on the holder before nodding. Voight, who had been in his perch on his door the entire time, slammed the door closed. All noise and activity ceased at that.

"Thanks." Voight nodded through a long blink.

"Anyway, you guys have fun working on this case. I'm sure it will be challenging and you will all do well, but I'm headed out."

"What, are you sick," one of them joked, small giggles and snorts erupting out of the crowd. Evidence of lingering alcohol effects were in the air. Jay smirked, cocking his head before replying.

"No, I'm actually headed overseas for a bit."

"What? Why?"

"That's classified." Those who knew Jay awhile rolled their eyes at that. Way back in the day that was his answer for everything.

"When do you head out," Kim asked?

"Uh, right now actually. I've got a couple things I've gotta do before flying out. So this is basically goodbye." Jay rose as they all approached, preparing for the long hugs and quick final words. The emotions were there, but he held his own. He hated leaving the known, letting go of what kept him sane and above water for the most part. It was the reminder and spoken prediction of a soon return that got him through.

"How are you getting to the airport," Hailey asked while stepping away? She was the last in the line of people, intended on her part.

"Oh, I was just going to take the train. You guys have a lot to do and Will's working till midnight."

"How did he take it?"

"We talked this morning before I came in. He's nervous but gets it." His phone went off in his pocket, the alarm that he needed to be en route to the Army location. A final farewell, a jog down the back stairs, and he was at the car and backing out of the lot. He forgot to take that final snapshot, absorb the whole perimeter of the building. But funny how deadlines don't allow you those moments of remembering. It would become the first of many regrets on the trip to back in time.

…

He needed quiet, somewhere that his mind could escape for a time. The readjusting process with the Army went about as well as expected, a lot of old questions and jargon being thrown at him with great speed and conviction. He was told more details would greet him at the other end of the trip before rapid fire do's and don'ts were propelled. The dreaded life or death questionnaire was filled out and mention of the will was dealt with solemnly. Leaving the unsuspecting building left him with more anxiety and fog then at any point in the decision process, Jay seriously considering backing out of the whole thing. It was incredible how at one point none of it bothered, the questions of life without him meant nothing. At that time he was in the mindset of 'that would happen to someone else.' To him he was indestructible, able to get through whatever because that's just how it was going to be. But that day, and the plethora of events that followed afterwards, proved the massive errancy of his thinking. Bad things do happen, often times out of nowhere and are rather radical. People do sadly perish, life that once was can never return to the ways of old. Now armed with this learned truth drove the severity of the trip that much faster. All this was rattling in his brain as he boarded the red line back to the Loop. The swelling of his lungs was what got him off at Addison. The sensation of falling urging him to jog down the steps and land on solid, freezing ground. He needed to stop moving, cease thinking and just react. Crossing the street found him at the infamous entrance of Wrigley Field, it's white picketed railings and hunter green painted walls stunned silent.

Baseball season ended some months ago, the ivy brown from the dead of winter temps and the field torn up for future curating in the spring. A handful of people were on the sidewalks, mostly older people who resided in the homes surrounding the mammoth facility. Before long this place would be packed with fans from across the country and world, but today it was a silent, desolate structure, a perfect setting for Jay's allowance to let it all out. The quiet allowed him to speak, gave him that airspace to feel what was bottled up and speak those dark thoughts out of him. Finding a bench close to Harry Carray's statue, he began with a cry session, burying his face into his hands and feeling the tears escape through the cracks. He got why people thought he was insane for doing what he was about to do. People don't often return to the scene of something terrible. Recovering addicts don't go back to the alley or bar where their rock bottom was met. People often move after the loss of a family member. In order to move on, one must reach a point of not wanting to go back. Yet here he was, jumping right back into the setting and base of one of his darkest days, essentially revisiting with a lot of the same people. He was crazy, stupid to think that wouldn't effect him in a negative way.

"You can always back out," Jay told himself while wiping an eye.

"Mouse will get it." But then the other side kicked in. He made a promise, a pack with the person he arguably trusted most in this world. That person reached out to him, sent out the SOS flare. For him to not answer the call wouldn't only have sat poorly with him, but a move Jay could never live with. The lightbulb of understanding went off at this point. Whatever happened from this point onward, it was fine. It was a life bond between the two of them and one he wasn't about to break. Plus, if anything were to go awry he could blame Mouse for it all.

With a shaky hand he rose from the bench, fully aware of the odds that someone watched him cry like a scared child from their window. But he had to do this, it was all part of the preparation process. Jay and his puffy red eyes re-boarded the train for the Loop before swapping out the red for the blue headed for O'Hare. He watched as the city became a collection of Lego pieces out the train window, silently vowing that he would see it again one way or the other.

…

"Hang on, it's too loud in here." The run through security and concourses was one that should've been timed. His side trip to Wrigley really set him back in terms of scheduling, the only saving grace being his speed and TSA pre-check status. The thirty pound backpack slapped against his shoulders and lower back the entire race, Jay utilizing the motorized walkways to speed his pace up that much. The curses for being put at the far right corner of the airport went out, but victoriously he skid to a stop at the gate with fifteen minutes to spar. Oh praise his endurance and nimble skills for coming through once again. Claiming a seat and charging station at the gate, Jay took off to Starbucks for the nectar of sanity and some form of food. In the craziness of the day food and beverage were put on the back burner, his headache and body letting him know how much they hated that move of his. He was balancing coffee, food, book purchase, and phone in his hand when they called him, all but the coffee spilling onto his seat as he answered. Once the AirPods were in place he finally greeted the screen with a wave.

"Sorry about that."

"No need to apologize. Did you make to the gate?"

"Yeah, it took some wind sprints but I made it. Security was hellish and no one moves fast in this place," Jay joked. It was apparent they were deep in whatever case they'd started earlier. The once lined board was packed full of stuff, aside from Voight and Hailey everyone else was moving while keeping an eye on the phone, juggling Jay and what they were being paid to do.

"How are things going?"

"Slow, frustrating, looks to be the most complicated puzzle ever, the usual workday," Hailey chimed back.

"Oh darn, I'm so bummed I have to miss it," Jay shot back. Hailey rolled her eyes at that one. This was exactly what they all needed, that final droplet of normalcy before separation.

"Keep in touch when you're over there, okay?"

"Yeah! I'll check in when I can. I have to warn that once things get going they typically don't want contact with the outside world." Hailey nodded before looking down, obviously understanding yet hating that truth.

"So who's Mouse. I feel like everyone but me knows this person. Is that his real name even?" Jay looked over the flight crew compiling behind the gate desk, the call to board ever rapidly approaching.

"His name is Greg. Mouse was a nickname given to him long before I ever met him. That one is a rather long story but you'll have to meet him someday."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Ladies and gentlemen this is the call to board. American Airlines flight number 1487 nonstop to JFK is beginning the boarding process."

"I've gotta go." Jay rose while Hailey spoke, securing the bag and cup and food before taking his place in line.

"Please be careful. I'd hate to have to find another partner."

"HA!" Her sense of humor was so dark and terrible.

"I'm serious Jay! Don't do anything crazy."

"Yes, mom. I'll stay in the right lane at all times."

"Jay."

"Hailey. I know. I'll be careful."

"I don't totally believe you…but whatever." Jay was six people away from the scanner, telling himself to wrap it up before he got to that point.

"Hey, real quick and yes, I know this is a bad time to bring this up. Can you be an emergency contact?"

"What? What about Will?"

"He's already listed but they want a second one for backup." He detected the pause, saw that she was not comfortable having to put herself in that place.

"It's not going to happen. Just hurry up and say something because I need to get my ticket."

"Uh, sure. But Jay I swear.."

"I'll be fine."

"Bye Jay," Adam yelled from the back!

"Get on the plane!"

"Ticket ready?"

"Hailey, I've gotta go. See you guys soon." Before she could answer he was gone, her watering eyes staring at the blank screen in her lap. He was just her partner. Why did she care so much?

"Sorry," Jay blushed while scrolling to the e-ticket on his phone. Seconds later he was walking down the ramp, stamping in place as the plane took a year and a day to board. His seat was eventually reached, his bag hoisted over his head and jammed into the compartment, and his head was resting against the exposed window. He saw the flight attendant go through the safety demonstration put the full volume music in his eyes had her miming. A silent prayer was said as the plane perfectly aligned itself with the runway before the gas was pushed full throttle. The plane shook before air and thrust guided them into the sky. In no time Chicago was a pin drop in the dusk sky. Closing his eyes Jay silently told/asked, 'see you again soon.'

So I have to warn that the next chapter might be rough, but not in a bad way. Despite my best researching efforts, military practices and lingo is not my thing, but it'll still be good. So please bear with me. I really hope you guys like this one. My goal was to capture that emotional and procedural process of readying oneself for a task like this. I've never been in this situation, but one can imagine the emotional roller coaster involved in going back in a war setting like Jay is. Also, I dropped a couple hints in this chapter. Did you guys spot them? Thanks for reading!