i was forced to write this at gunpoint

"I grow garlic in my mom's garden at home and once I ate a whole clove of it raw and it still wasn't as painful as listening to you guys while sober." Bakugou said as he threw one of the villains into the wall, the man's neck snapping back, falling to the asphalt with a dull thunk. Another villain seemed to melt into the shadows as Bakugou whipped around, shooting off a few bright blasts to rid the area of any shadows. The villain popped out of a dumpster's shadow with a squeak and was immediately restrained by Sero.

"I eat raw garlic sometimes!" Mina smiled as she crushed another villain's windpipe with her thighs. "I like the burn. It makes my quirk super goopy too!"

"Mama?" Bakugou squeaked.

"If listening to us while sober is so painful you should probably unsober yourself." Sero chuckled. A flying villain flew overhead and Sero distantly heard Midoriya yell a frantic "Heads up guys!" from two blocks away. Sero let out a burst of tape and captured the villain, adding her to the growing pile of unconscious bodies under his foot.

"That is so fucking edgy. Are you guys like, okay?" Kaminari was providing emergency power to the hospital they were defending while also kicking another villain in the face. One of Kouda's animals dragged the villain by the shirt collar over to the police.

"GARLIC TASTES GOOD!" Mina and Bakugou yelled at the same time. Bakugou threw another villain with an explosion powered right hook into the same brick wall, adding to his own pile of unconscious villains.

Kaminari rolled his eyes. "Jesus. Forget I asked."

"Please teach me the ways of growing garlic, oh dear master Bakugou," Sero asked as he slammed two villains together with his tape. The villains slumped down into his own pile.

"FIRST YOU GO TO THE STORE AND BUY GARLIC," Bakugou yelled as he launched himself off a building and into a crowd of villains attempting to converge. "THEN YOU STICK IT IN THE GROUND AND COME BACK IN EIGHT WEEKS. BAM, INFIDENT GARLIC."

"I see," Sero nodded. He shot upwards as he noticed a building's foundations starting to melt, and started to tape supports to the other buildings. "But the animals… tasty treats they see."

"THEN GROW IT INSIDE, DIPSHIT."

"You should simply unmanifest the animals." Mina called from where she was melting debris to dig out a few shell shocked civilians. She sent up a veil of acid as Sero accidentally dislodged a few pieces of debris, melting the cement before it hit the street. Sero nodded in thanks, and wound that area up in tape.

"Or put like, a netting dome over it." Kaminari called from his position from the power box. It came out a bit muffled as he was holding two wires in his mouth. A villain tried to stab him with a knife but was swiftly kicked in the head.

"Potted plant garlic." Bakugou scoffed.

"With net." Kaminari nodded.

"With net!" Bakugou exploded.

"With net." Mina agreed.

Sero grinned wildly as he caught debris from a falling building, and slammed it into a villain with a spider quirk who was scaling the walls, trying to stop him. "I shall simply stand guard at all hours!"

"You can also just use animalcide." Mina pointed out. She was carrying six minorly wounded civilians over her shoulder to the med station Momo had set up. Sero couldn't see their expressions from nearly twenty meters in the air, but they all looked like they would prefer to be knocked out for this conversation. "It's like pesticide but for animals! It's called arsenic."

"Hey!" Sero shouted. "Don't say that in front of Kouda! Look at him. He's crying."

Everyone turned to Kouda, who was in fact crying and staring at Mina in horror. The three housecats on his shoulder and head looked offended, and hissed at Mina.

"With net." Kaminari scolded.

Bakugou finally knocked out the villains that were trying to regroup and jumped down from the roof, ripping some of Sero's tape off of his arms and bounding the villains together so they made one bundle for easy transportation. "You know that you can also piss on it and it keeps the animals away, right?"

"Not the rats though." Mina rolled her eyes.

"Except the rats."

"Hey guys what's up do you want to try my piss garlic," Sero mimic's Bakugou's low growl and then giggled girlishly.

"Piss is sterile, it's fine." Mina shot a bullet of acid at a villain trying to attack an elderly women, before scooping the woman into her arms and carrying her to safety.

"Nedzu is coming for your piss garlic, Sero." Kouda called from under his pile of house cats.

"Wait why are there rats in your garden, tape face?" Bakugou seemed to just process the conversation at hand. He was still lugging the villains behind him to the wall the cops have set up to process arrests as the villains were captured. Midoriya seemingly dropped out of nowhere, deposited his own bundle of villains wound in bent rebar, and went off back to the main event, screaming bloody murder.

"Rats are like, everywhere, dude." Sero rolled his eyes. "We live in a city."

"Also," Bakugou punched Mina in the arm. "Piss is NOT sterile."

"It's mostly sterile!" Mina shrugged.

"With net!" Kaminari called from the block of wires he was providing power for.

"A net to catch the animals and donate them to the zoo!" Sero cackled.

"PISS IS NOT STERILE!"

"It's safe for human consumption!" Mina argued as she kicked a villain in the face.

"Oh my god." Sero shot a bit of tape at Mina, covering her mouth. She flipped him off as she melted it, leaving a sticky residue on her hands and face.

"This is SO gross Sero, fuck off!"

"PISS CAN'T BE MOSTLY STERILE THAT MEANS NOT FUCKING STERILE!" Bakugou roared as he threw an unconscious villain at Mina, who dodged the incoming projectile with ease.

"I mean!" Mina slugged the villain over her shoulders and made her way over to the police wall. "Nothing is ever fully sterile anyway."

Kaminari groaned. "Why are we talking about piss."

"Because we are peeing on garlic," Kouda offered.

"What the fuck did I just walk into." Midoriya asked. "You know what. Fuck this. I'm leaving."

"THINGS HAVE TO BE FULLY STERILE TO BE STERILE!"

"There is no such thing!" Mina cackled. The police officers looked at her in fear. The civilians she had just rescued glared at her in disgust. "Microorganisms will exist on anything, ever! Nothing is fully sterile!"

"Look," Sero was currently taping a building back together to keep its structural integrity in order to not crush the fight on the street below with falling cement blocks. He was doing a fantastic job considering there was a villain shooting heart shaped beams of light up at him every other second. "If I get an infection and die, that's on me."

"Do you want your surgeon to have mostly sterile gloves when she's sticking her hands in you to fix your insides? No? Fuck you." Bakugou tackled the villain shooting the beams of light at Sero, knocking him to the ground as he fired off one more blast that Kouda only just dodged.

"But nothing has ever been free of microorganisms! Midoriya told me that! Sterility is a myth!" Mina protested. A villain tried hitting her over the head with a metal bat, which she grabbed with her bare hands and melted into a goopy pulp with barely a second thought.

"Do NOT put words in my mouth!" Midoriya yelled from over three blocks away.

"BLEACH, SPACECRAFTS, AND THE MOON ARE ALL FREE OF MICROORGANISMS." Bakugou roared, unleashing a bigger then necessary explosion at the last group of villains that seemed to be trying to regroup to attack the heroes once more. He ducked a blade that nearly chopped his ear off.

"Hey guys!" Kouda called as he kicked a villain in the face. "Piss garlic and piss rats coming to a house near you! In fact, it is your house!"

"You guys suck."