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Catherine
Anxious and overwhelmed, wine glass in a vice grip, I submitted to the ongoing chaos surrounding me.
The worst part of the evening landed somewhere between the convoy of judgmental parents picking up their over stimulated daughters sometime after midnight, my moody 14 year old ricocheting violently between upset and confused, and Detective Curtis standing hip cocked, brow furrowed, toothpick jutting defensively out between clenched teeth, speaking with Lindsay in the middle of my living room. Combine that with Sara in a silent rage outside and Nancy leaning casually against the island, eyeing up the blonde with intrigue and this was a full blown nightmare.
"Can you stop" I shot Nancy a warning look, tipping back a long sip of wine. I had been banished to the kitchen by Brass, unable to answer any of my 101 questions, strongly suggesting a tea to calm my nerves. Tea obviously wasn't going to cut it tonight.
"I'm just curious about the tangled webs you manage to weave"
I scoffed, shaking my head stiffly. "Now is really not the time"
I had called Nancy in a moment of panic, desperate to hear her voice- to assure myself that she was safe. I wasn't sure what exactly this particular psychopath was about- playing mind games, coming after my daughter; after my family- I didn't know how far his scope was set.
"Cat, everyone is on top of this. Try to relax a little bit"
Right, relax. As if that was even a remote possibility. Nancy seemed so calm; so certain that the two cop cars outside and the brazen detective in my living room guaranteed some ironclad form of safety. I didn't know how to explain to her that even the most prepared can be blindsided- I'd seen it far too many times. That humans are capable of horrors that would shake even her. I didn't want her to ever have to find out. I took another sip of wine, pacing anxiously back to the other end of the kitchen.
"Mom was very taken with Warrick today, she asked me on the way home if you two were secretly involved" she snorted, raising an eyebrow at me as I paced back in her direction. "She clearly missed the mark there… I'm not going to pry, but know that I am very curious how your evening went"
I ignored her, eyes drifting over to where Sara had joined the conversation in the living room. She had been waiting for Greg to arrive so she could walk him through what happened, hopefully finding some solace in his presence. I could feel the tension radiating off of her from the moment she discovered the ominous gift, a violent shift from the softness of our evening. I watched her slide an arm around Lindsay's shoulders, leaning against the arm of the couch as her eyes shifted up to the blonde. It was chaos in my heart- fluttering at the way Lindsay leaned into her embrace, tumbling at the way she regarded Sofia.
Watching them interact was maddening. The tension was blatant- Sara's dark gaze held firmly on the blonde, jaw clenched, daring her to make eye contact. Sofia on the other hand remained outwardly un-phased, professional mask drawn as she questioned Lindsay, scribbling notes into a small pad.
The incessant voice at the back of my mind when the two of them were together was quiet but deafening. It reminded me of the eleven year age difference between Sara and I; the twelve year advantage Sofia had over me, obvious in her smooth complexion, her toned body; my age-freckled skin. I held no lack of confidence, I knew that I was beautiful- but I wasn't 34. I wasn't the same breed as Sara. We didn't share a silent language.
Their eyes finally met and I tossed back the last drops of wine, abandoning my glass on the counter as I broke out of the kitchen, heading determinately towards them. I felt like a caged animal in my own home, unnerved by everything. Warm eyes fell on me but I held out for Sofia's, red rimmed and heavy, though she allowed no other signs of her obvious exhaustion.
"Catherine" she greeted with an unexpected tenderness that I found just as unnerving as anything else that night, crossing my arms tightly over my chest.
"Is there anything linking this to O'Riley?"
She inhaled sharply, the lines of her forehead creasing as she hesitated, shifting her gaze over to Lindsay. "Hey Lindsay, could you go see how Greg's doing with those shoe impressions?"
Azure eyes rolled dramatically, but she conceded, brushing past us on the way out. Waiting until she was out of earshot, Sofia turned her attention back to me.
"No. But that doesn't mean we won't, or at least link this to someone. No one is taking this lightly, Catherine"
I managed to pull some comfort from her words, sitting down on the couch with a tired sigh.
"Did you hear anything at all? See anything unusual today?"
I shook my head, running the evening through my mind for the hundredth time.
"There was a sound- a muffled bang that I thought came from the stairs, but nothing ever came of it. It could have come from outside… I don't know"
"What time was that?"
I glanced up at Sara, dark eyes shifting down to meet mine. A flash of sensations flowed immediately through me- hot breath against my neck; her toned stomach between my legs, tongue brushing firmly against mine, hands sliding up the backs of my desperate, parting thighs. I blinked glossy eyes, clearing my throat lightly as I tore my gaze away from her, focusing back on Sofia.
"Around ten? I don't know exactly"
She nodded, sticking the worn toothpick back between her teeth and scribbling a note down pointedly.
"A few of your neighbors lights are on, I'm going to go bang on some doors, see if anyone saw anything" She gave me a soft nod, hair falling from behind her ear as she turned to go.
"Can I talk to you before you head back to PD" Sara asked tiredly, some final half hearted attempt to communicate, clearly already anticipating rejection.
"It's a busy night" she tossed over her shoulder, barely more than a brief pause on her way out. Sara sighed, closing her eyes for a long moment before letting it go, turning to me with gentler eyes.
"You doing okay?" she laid a hand on my shoulder and I sighed, pushing both hands through limp hair as I leaned heavily back against the couch. "Everyone keeps telling me to relax, and I don't know how I possibly could"
She squeezed my arm softly, offering the ghost of a crooked smile. "Well, we can be stressed out together then"
I tried to distract the butterflies that had suddenly taken up their oscillations once again, sliding my hand up to cover hers. "You know you are more than welcome here, but you don't have to stay"
She shrugged, glancing over her shoulder before meeting my eyes once again. "I want to be here"
Her gaze was so warm, so full of sincerity. I fought the urge to brush back the loose strands of hair that had fallen against her face; touch her soft cheek, wondering when exactly I had fallen into this so deeply.
Nancy tore me out of my silent musing as she appeared beside Sara, nodding in the direction of the stairs. "Since Jeremy's with mom tonight, I'm going to crash in the spare room- I'd like to stay close to you guys tonight"
For every ounce of irritation I held towards my sister, there were a hundred more of gratitude. I nodded softly, offering an affectionate smile. "Yeah, of course"
Her gaze shifted to Sara expectantly, taking a slow sip of wine.
Of course.
I shot her the umpteenth glare of the evening, her innocent gaze giving away nothing of her obvious intentions. Before Sara could put together that there was only one spare bed in this huge house, I excused myself to find Lindsay.
/
With a few shoe impressions lifted from the yard that were likely to match frequent visitors and a uniform stationed outside of the house, everyone left just after two. Lindsay, too stubborn to admit that she was scared, slipped into the spare bed with Nancy under the guise of a sleepover. I tucked her in with a kiss and the promise of a redo whenever this all blew over, trying not to take her coldness personally. While tonight had been difficult on all of us, it was her birthday ruined; her name on that terrifying bouquet.
Nancy snatched my wrist as I moved past her, pulling me gently back. I met her gaze expectantly, bright eyes searching mine. "You know the only reason I took the spare room instead of offering it up was so that you could suavely invite her into your bed" she whispered. I sighed, taking a step into the hall "She still would have taken the couch, so don't feel too bad"
Her grip on my wrist tightened as I turned to go, demanding my attention which I gave her with tired, warning eyes.
"Look, this is your life and I don't mean to push, but she is a good thing and I can tell that scares you." She paused, letting go of my wrist to brush her hand affectionately through my hair. "You don't have to deal with everything alone"
I stared at her for a long moment before leaning into press a quick kiss to her cheek. "Goodnight" I whispered, closing the door quietly behind me. I passed by the closet where the spare blankets were, slipping into the bathroom instead.
Bracing my hands on the cold counter I stared at my reflection, weariness evident on my features. The white V-neck I slept in was oversized and light, hanging off a freckled shoulder, showing off the age spots on my chest, my breasts hanging slightly lower than they used to, free beneath the sheer fabric. The wrinkles around my eyes were slowly becoming a permanent fixture- more than just temporary creases when I smiled. I took a shaky breath, pushing fingers roughly into my hair, tightening my grip painfully before letting it tumble back down around my neck. Nancy was right, I was scared.
I could enter casual relationships with ease; I could handle sex without attachment. I enjoyed the lightness of desire driven affairs. Despite my uneasy awareness of aging, I knew that I wore it well. I could enter a room and demand attention silently, effortlessly- I could bring men to their knees. But she looked at me and I felt raw. I felt beautiful; terrified; exposed.
She was sitting in my living room offering up everything I desired; everything I needed, and I was holding her at arms length over this terrifying feeling of vulnerability. I pinched my eyes shut, taking a deep breath before pushing off the counter, heading determinately back out into the hall.
I padded down the stairs, dark sweat pants hugging my legs as I moved to the entrance of the living room. She was engrossed in some large leather bound book that Lindsay had left abandoned on the coffee table, a long leg bent beneath her, leaning against the arm of the couch. My lips tugged into a smile at the concentration painting her features, the subtle crease of her forehead.
"Interesting read?" I asked, crossing my arms loosely over my chest as I leaned back against the wall. She glanced up, a timid smile playing over her lips.
"I uh, thought I'd try to take my mind off things"
She returned the book to the table, turning back to regard me. Dark eyes held mine for a moment before dropping down to slowly rake over my body- over all the imperfections I had been scrutinizing minutes ago. I watched her eyes drinking in the subtleties of my makeup-less, underdressed form until they met mine once again- steadily, with more affection than I knew how to hold.
… Fuck it.
"You threw your neck out the last time you fell asleep out here… there's plenty of room in my bed"
Her eyes searched mine for a drawn out moment- for what I wasn't quite sure- before she pursed her lips into a soft smile.
"If you think it's best for my neck"
I was overwhelmed by the familiar fluttering of juvenile butterflies as she stood, moving towards me. I turned before she reached me, not trusting my self restraint. I led her up the stairs, grateful that I had unconsciously kept things neat this weekend.
She glanced around at the beige walls of my room, the beige comforter- navy pillows offsetting the light. I padded across the warm Persian rugs draped across hardwood floors, pulling some makeshift pajamas from a drawer for her.
I couldn't hold back a chuckle as she emerged from the bathroom in sweatpants that cinched awkwardly around her mid calf- the worn out LVU t-shirt that I drown in neatly covering her lanky form. She sent me a mock glare as she crawled into bed beside me, plunging us into darkness as she flipped off the light.
It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, moonlight flooding in through the open blinds. We laid in silence, chocolate eyes trailing over my features as I stared at her from across my pillow. It felt surreal being in such an intimate space with her, despite the closeness of the past few days. We had become more physical with one another this year- drastically so over the past few days, but it was different with the blind desire and desperation stripped away. I could make out a small scar near her hairline, the freckles littering her nose. I was getting lost in the small details of her when she reached out, fingertips brushing against my cheek.
"I'm sorry that tonight didn't go as planned"
"Me too" I whispered, a smile ghosting over my lips, "though it wasn't all bad"
That crooked grin that was going to be my complete undoing flashed over her features, fingertips trailing gently over my jawline; along my neck.
"Brass thinks you guys should stay somewhere else for a while, until they can get a hold on this situation. I'd offer my apartment, but it's just too small"
I reached up to take her wandering hand into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. "My father owning a casino comes with benefits like a cushy room whenever we need it"
She cocked an eyebrow gently, "this could go on for a while, you're planning to move into a casino?"
I chuckled, "that doesn't even make the list of strangest things I've had to do". Her brow creased and I ran a thumb gently over her knuckles.
"Don't worry, Sara"
"We're going to get this guy"
The tension had returned to her features and I felt my heart clench softly at her protectiveness; with the desire to take her mind off of unpleasant things.
"I know" I whispered, shifting closer. Our feet brushed, my pulse jumping at our proximity. Hesitantly, her hand slid to the valley of my hip, breath warm against my cheek.
I leaned in, her breath hitching lightly as I slid my fingers into burnished waves. Smiling softly at her response, I hesitated only a moment before capturing her lips with mine.
The kiss was slow and exploratory, the first time we hadn't been caught up in the heat of the moment. As incredible as those heated kisses had been, the sensuality behind this had me melting beneath her talented mouth. I traced her lower lip with my tongue before capturing her bottom lip softly between my teeth. The throaty moan that reverberated against my mouth sending jolts of electricity through me, the loose grip I had in her hair tightening as I pressed my body flush against hers.
Her hand travelled slowly along my silhouette, hesitating just short of my breast before moving slowly back down. We kept the kiss languid, my hand slipping beneath her shirt to explore the soft skin of her back, nails raking lightly over her warm flesh. She moaned into my mouth, hand sliding down to grasp my ass, pulling me further into her.
I whimpered, my body aching to feel the weight of her on top of me; beneath me; inside me, hips pressing into hers on their own accord. I knew this wasn't the time- exhausted, my sister and Lindsay a room over- but god it was difficult to keep this light with pent up desire coursing through me. I was just getting lost in the feel of her entirely when she broke away from my lips, hand sliding up to rest on my lower back as she pressed a few soft, lingering kisses against my swollen mouth.
I brushed my nose again hers, reveling in the subtle smell of patchouli. Our labored breath mingled, my lips capturing hers once more, fleetingly.
"God you're good at that" I whispered, leaning back into my pillow.
She chuckled, cool hand brushing back my hair before sliding into the small, safe space that I had created between us. I pressed my feet against her cool ones, suddenly feeling the full weight of my exhaustion wash over me.
"Goodnight" I whispered, eyes continuing to drink in the beauty of her relaxed features until I couldn't hold them open anymore.