Chapter 7- A Walk To Remember
I think you can figure out what's going to happen here. Let's just jump right in.
It was a day all of them weren't looking forward to. Two of them dreaded it more while the other was a little clueless on why they were nervous. The last time this happened he was passed out while Will watched in unease as the deed was done. But this time all would be in the room and all fully aware of what was going on. The time to remove the drain and replace the dressings and inspect things was here. Day three was shaping up to be a splendidly horrible one.
The day began well into the wee hours of the morning. Jay would awake to the same question each time: "can you feel this," as someone gently pressed or poked the wrapped end of the residual limb. When he'd respond that he could each time, another massive kick of fuzziness struck him. The epidural was cranked up and dosing things out more frequently then it had ever been. In the moment Jay didn't care since pain had been terrible the previous day and night. So if he had to be floating on cloud eleven in order to be able to sleep and semi-function, then inject the meds away. Will contemplated telling Jay the great details of what was going to happen but Hailey convinced him otherwise. There wasn't a point in making him dread when the doctors would walk him through the whole thing. He hated the idea of ambushing Jay, but taking into account the added stress on an already struggling body, more wasn't going to help. So as the sun shone into the windows that morning and the world outside was in full spring splendor, Will and Hailey held their breath and took their places as the horde of pain inducing people walked into the room.
"Are you ready?" Jay switched from looking at the people coming in to Will and Hailey who were each taking a seat on each side of the bed. In his very intoxicated on narcotics state, Jay was convinced they were about to remove even more or do some other barbaric procedure on him.
"What's going on?" Oh the uneasiness that was welling up inside, eyes darting a thousand directions at once as items and people went by. Hailey offered a hand as Will helped sit the bed up higher and adjust Jay. The whole process leading up to the actual thing was so odd.
"Good morning, Jay. Today we're doing the first dressing change and removing the drain. You'll need one more of these before you leave. We've pre-medicated you but if you need more please let us know." The doctor went on to ask what exactly Jay was on, someone rattling off Scrabble equivalent names. Now before we get down to things, let's go through why this dressing change is so much more painful and awful then traditional changes. The removal of a limb requires severing nerves and leaving them to find their own, new way. In the early stages of things that makes any and everything incredibly painful and sensitive. Air, movement around the limb is like going under the knife wide awake. On top of this you have skin and muscle that has been pulled and shaped in ways it wasn't originally intended to be. Swelling, bruising, soreness are not pleasant when touched and certainly don't want to be tightened by compression dressings and whatever had to be wrapped around the surgical site. Long story short, it is not a pleasant experience and perhaps one of worst things in the post-amputation recovery. What Jay wasn't aware of was that he'd already been through this. What he was beginning to be made aware of was that was going to be one of those moments.
"We're just setting up," the doctor announced as gloved hands slid a procedure pad under the leg. That one got his attention, Jay closing his eyes as things kept moving along.
"Some people like to look while others don't. It's totally up to you."
"I don't want to look."
"That's fine," Will muttered as he held out a hand. Jay took it, breathing out loud as the process began. The tape sounded like skin ripping off, each finger gently grasping gauze acting as needles being driven deep into the skin. As the dressing loosened it grip on the limb the burning, electrical shocks of the phantom pain really started rearing its' head. Doing his best to be silent as possible, Jay death gripped the hands attached to his own and occasionally grunted when it was too unbearable. Offers of stopping and adding more doses were offered, but Jay just wanted things to be over with. The final barrier to everything being free—the tape and gauze pad on the actual incisions—was where he nearly passed out. A tear definitely dripped down his face as the skin peeling sensation lasted for a couple of seconds. But through it all Jay refused to look, just nodding and breathing as Hailey and Will coaxed him through. At some point it all ceased, the nerve-wracking, chilling blow of free air telling Jay he was halfway done.
"Is it exposed," he panted at some point.
"Yeah. They're just checking stuff and pulling out the drain."
"Do you want more meds," Hailey asked? It took one nudge at the drain for Jay to answer. He nodded over and over again, now shaking as the nurse found an IV and plunged more narcotics into him. Hailey saw that he wasn't well but was trying, gently rubbing his back as she spoke.
"You're doing great. It's almost over." He didn't buy any of it but nodded his head. Once the shaking was down to shivering level things moved on. At this point he could feel the drain moving but wasn't in dire pain. The best way to describe this was weird, something he was convinced should've been happening in an OR and not here in this room. When the weird sensation stopped everyone started talking, speaking in terminology foreign to Jay.
"Are you okay with me checking on things," Will asked and Jay nodded his head, loosening his hand so Will could move. It was here that he made the fatal mistake, the very thing he said he wouldn't do. No one saw his whole body freeze in place; the horror, shock, and just fear painted neon on his face except Hailey. Fearing he'd collapse or freak out she grabbed him into a hug, making sure his head was in her shoulder. It was the beginning of the peer over the edge, the weight of reality just starting to sink in. He was shaking again, but this time from emotions. He hated himself, was petrified of the new version. He was trying to speak but gagged on the tears.
"I'm so sorry," Hailey repeated over and over again, now completely upset that no one else had figured out that Jay was having a version of a panic attack.
"Things look really good, Jay. You're doing well," Will spoke before looking up, piecing together what had just happened.
"Can we knock him out," he asked? One of the doctors agreed and ordered the sedative.
"You don't have to stay around for this anymore," Jay whispered as his body went limp, the drugs mercifully taking him away from it all. For the first time ever darkness was welcoming and Jay eagerly accepted its' distant offerings.
…
"Hey, you're finally up." It felt that a lot of time had passed since he was last awake. Gone were the people and their painful poking fingers. No longer were things being removed and pulled and replaced on him. Things were calm, the pain was still there but far more manageable then before. Life was quieter, darker, calmer, very zen-like. A good amount of that had to do with the lighting in the room and the nearly flat position he was resting in, but he figured it had been awhile since that unforgettable morning. He wasn't even really aware that he was awake, didn't realize he'd been staring at Hailey for a good thirty seconds before she spoke to him. The lingering side effects of the sedative and pain meds leaving him puzzled and sluggish. He went to look down at his lower half and found blankets about two, three high. Lifting the blankets allowed him to see a colored wrap had been placed around his left leg, all the devices and wiring there like it was before.
"They picked blue for obvious reasons." Oh God, work. The lightbulb in the brain went off, that little thing he did back home flooding into the front of his mind. He quietly moaned while trying to rub the fog out of his eyes.
"Oh my word, I seriously and completely forgot." His voice didn't really sound like his. There wasn't much emotion and it was deeper then normal, proof that he was really high on whatever he was on. Hailey chuckled, putting the magazine down and leaning in her seat towards him.
"Yeah, I've been keeping them up to date on things. They're really excited for you to come home soon." While they may have been, Jay suddenly wasn't. He had a good idea of the dominos that would drop once he got back to that place. Given his current situation he knew the very likely outcome. He didn't want to face it, especially today. So when Hailey asked the next question he was rather terrified to answer.
"Also, they want to see you, preferably soon. Are you up for doing it today?" He had two options: face fear or push it back for a time. He knew she'd be disappointed in his response but it was the truth. It was a matter of figuring out how to properly answer her.
"Um…I think after today.."
"-Hey, it's fine. Whenever you're ready they are." He could hear the dejection in her voice but in that moment he didn't care. It was weird being scared of people you practically considered family, but that's all he felt. He was nervous, embarrassed, not ready to face the questions and looks. Instead of dwelling on things Jay looked further around the room, realizing they were one member short.
"Where's Will."
"He's just outside talking to the doctors. Everything is fine, looking great actually. I think they're discussing discharge stuff. Like where we'll stay for a couple of days and how we can get you through international travel."
"Okay." The burning, electricity pain had returned, firing off intense rounds without a care in the world. The plan of trying to sit up was ceased as he dug the back of his head into the pillow and clenched his fists. Phantom pain was truly kicking his butt right now. Hailey rose from her place, fiddling around the edge of the bed for the pain pump and maneuvering it into his hand.
"Hit the button. Jay, c'mon hit it." She didn't relax till she watched him smash the red button twice, silently praying for things to calm down. It took a little longer then usual but before long he was mellowed out once again.
"Oh, they also got rid of the chest tube while you were out." Jay nodded. He sensed the elephant in the room, just about smelled her uneasiness and hesitation in her everything.
"I guess it's bad that the first sight of yourself makes you have a panic attack that requires sedation."
"No. I think it's very normal. This is all going to take some adjusting so its' very natural to have a reaction of grief. You didn't get to make the call that you're in now. It's okay to be shocked."
"Fine." She rolled her eyes, having prepared herself for the stubbornness. Only a fool would've thought a single conversation would sway Jay to change.
"Look, about what I said.."
"There's absolutely no reason for you to apologize. There was a lot going on. It's fine, Jay. We're cool." She extended a fist and he looked at her oddly.
"That's not our thing."
"Let's make it then. Just this once." She waited and waited and watched as he grinned and met her fist in the middle. All was right with the world.
"Hey, you're awake," Will chimed in as he opened the door.
"How are things what's the pain at."
"He just had to use the pain pump."
"Oh really? Phantom pain?" Jay nodded, not totally understanding what that was exactly. Hailey seeming to read his mind spoke the obvious.
"Okay, everyone has been talking about phantom pain and I have no clue what it is. Care to elaborate?" Will jokingly stretched his fingers before cracking them, taking a seat on the couch and beginning his elementary level speech for his audience.
"When we're born, our brains have this map of our body. It knows the length of our extremities, it knows when things are alright and when to send out signals. Amazingly, the brain knows where every single nerve is in the body and what its' sensing at all times. So when you remove or shorten one of those extremities, the brain freaks out because it doesn't know what's going on. It knows those nerves in the foot and leg should be in their place and doing things but they aren't. So the brain results to freaking out and sending a message to the body that things are not alright, thus creating this phantom effect on things. What the brain is convinced is there is not anymore. Some people just have the sensation that the limb is there and others get the burning, stinging, bad pain like what Jay is experiencing right now."
"Actually it's kind of been both. Like when I first wake up I swear that I can feel my heel in the bed or the strained calf muscle that I had before all of this. But then as the day goes on it does become a lot more painful."
"That's very normal for this stage of things. Over time as the brain rewires and figures out the new things, that won't be happening as often. Plus, once you're able to walk around and undergo therapy and just be more active, that will help things a lot. It's these initial weeks that are going to be rough, unfortunately." It was here that something wonderful happened. A sound that they'd been waiting for, one that was the perfect antidote for the day. Jay's stomach growled, loudly.
"That was embarrassing," Jay laughed as he rested hands on his stomach. Will and Hailey laughed before tempting the other one to ask. The moment of truth was here.
"What do you want?"
"This is going to sound really weird, but since yesterday I've been dying for mac and cheese." Will couldn't hold it in.
"Pay up," he exclaimed, causing Jay to jump as he watched Will happy dance around the bed.
"No way, I said pasta and that totally counts."
"Oh no no, you said pizza or pasta and I said it was going to be mac and cheese. Pay up, girl."
"What exactly is going on," Jay inquired. Hailey groaned as she dug through her wallet.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just some good old betting." Hailey threw the dollar bill his way, Will darting to grab it before it hit the ground.
"I guess I'll go hunt for it. Am I getting enough for three?"
"Yes," the brothers spoke in unison.
"Thanks for being so predictable," Will gloated after Hailey was clear of the hallway.
"Sure thing," Jay yawned before dozing off with dreams of food in the not too distant future.
…
Naturally, those entering a new phase or way or life have questions, and a lot of them. For Jay the category ranged magnificently. Questions pertaining to pain management at home and timeline for the prosthesis were asked over the coming days. From there he moved to how he was going to get home. On the way out there, perfectly normal and healthy, the journey was a chore and wear on his body. Now being what he was, he couldn't imagine sitting on a tiny, bumpy airplane seat for twelve, sixteen hours. Not to mention all the airports and connections they'd have to make between Florence and Chicago. Security was also brought up, wondering how he'd stand long enough for the scanner or if they had to perform a pat down. All these logistical questions were answered by Will, both patiently and thoroughly. He totally got it, they all had never felt so far away from the confines of home. On top of all this, he got that Jay was trying to map out life. Everything had to be analyzed and planned ahead. From walking into a fast food place to getting from the apartment entrance to the front door, Jay now had to untangle the cruel world that isn't set up for the handicap. Once the prosthesis was created and utilized things would get easier, but even then there were limitation that he'd just have to deal with for the rest of time. More then anything, Will was elated to be hearing all these questions. It indicated that Jay was coping, coming to terms with things. He was never going to announce it, but the thought process was enough to make Will pleased. So while Will dealt with this, poor Hailey got the weird end of things.
It wasn't that he didn't trust Will, but he knew the odd things would be something he'd fret over. He and Hailey just had that kind of relationship where they could say or ask anything and the other wouldn't freak out. She somewhat anticipated this happening, but never to the extent of oddness that he wound up getting to. It began with questions about clothing, completing the task of putting on clothes while resting on one leg. From there it was desiring her feedback on appearance or food or really everything. Lest we forget she was the connection between the nervous, waiting party back home. Both were just waiting for the big W question, but Jay wasn't ready to ask and basically knew the answer. What was today was the weirdest, strangest, yet most interesting question out of the whole thing. But first, today is yet another milestone day: epidural removal. It's day seven and the pain is still there, but more manageable with semi-normal medication.
"Are you ready to roll over," Will inquired while watching the world outside the door? Jay who was once staring at the ceiling, in the hopes of falling asleep, swiveled from the door back to Will.
"Yeah but why?"
"The thing in your back is coming out. Why are you forgetting this? We talked about it this morning."
"Blame the drugs." The anesthesiologist that inserted the device five days ago entered first, a nurse and procedure tray following behind. It was nearing midnight, their tone both silent and tired, evidence that the day had been a long one for all of them. Will rose from his spot on the couch, offering a hand for Jay to grab and pull himself up on. Using the other hand to assist, Jay was upright and independently sitting up on his own for the first time in over a week. Expectedly at first he was shaking, but in no time he was smiling and comfortable with the new position in life.
"So brother you're going to grab under the arms and he's going to rest his head on your shoulder." Will took delight in being a doctor without their knowledge, he equated it to going under cover. He didn't tell this to them, just pulled the sheets off of Jay and waving his hands to tell Jay to move up. It was in the positioning that another weird moment happened. Jay was situated so that he legs hung over the bed, feet close to brushing the floor. But in actuality it was just the right foot, that visual confirmation of the off-balanced nature of things. Will glanced at Jay with one of those sad, apologetic, puppy dog faces and Jay shrugged. It was what it was, plus the realization that a needle had been in his back for five days was overpowering everything else.
Without warning Jay was undressed down to the waist, the buttons on the hospital gown allowing for the act. Jay wasn't thrilled with the lack of a warning, but kept his head against Will's shoulder, eyes glued shut. He felt the gloved fingers on his back, listening to the tape around the device separate itself from his skin. He needed a distraction, something to take away the truth of what was coming next.
"How did they do this on the other end," was the first thing that fell out.
"Like this. But you were totally out at that point."
"Well isn't that an embarrassing revelation."
"Chill man, they don't even remember it," to which the anesthesiologist shook her head in agreement.
"Alright, on the count of three. One…two…" and then the prickly, burning, pressure sensation tugged its away across Jay's back. The best way to describe it is uncomfortable, odd, and painful. As things keep moving all the feelings grew progressively worse, an unofficial popping sensation bursting in his head once it all ceased.
"Three," was announced as a bandaid was secured on the back. Will and the doctor examined the large needle, satisfied that the entire instrument was removed and in tact.
"Flat on the back for an hour before you can move around. You did great." Will started to re-button the gown as the people left the room, Jay brushing the hands away as he sat up more.
"Can I change into normal clothes"
"Normally yes, but the clothes you came in with you no longer have. Plus Mouse has your bag right now. Wait." Will stepped away from the bed, looking back to make sure Jay didn't have any crazy ideas.
"Will I literally can't go anywhere," was shot at him and he couldn't help but sarcastically laugh.
"Like that has ever stopped you." The phone was pulled out and a text message was sent out, Will nodding as he put the phone away.
"She's bringing another change. They got two options whenever they went shopping. Let's just put this back on till she gets here." Jay was a pitiful sight, shivering over the fact he was dead tired and just plain cold, not to mention the exhaustion sitting up had become. He should've been lying down and dozing off right now, but instead he was in this weird hug, support hold position with Will. Will didn't want to move him for fear of putting too much strain on a sensitive spine, so better to move Jay once and be done for awhile. Jay was just entering the initial stages of sleep when Hailey entered, Will placing a finger on his lips before pointing to Jay. Hailey 'awwed' and burst out a fat lower lip before rounding the bed to see Jay. Indeed the face was relaxed and eyes fluttering.
"Jay, she's here," Will whispered, both of them giggling as Jay grunted an acknowledgement.
"How bad was it," Hailey inquired?
"Not at all. He did fine. It's just the combo of midnight and drugs and that he's moved for the first time in days." Hailey smirked and held up clothing as Jay raised his head and looked around. Once he spotted the thing he was holding out for, strength was found. He pulled himself away from Will again, allowing Will to detach him from everything. Looking at the sea of connections and IV ports on him welcomed the gravity of things. Try as hard to think all was well, those days were well into the distance. Hailey turned around as Will discarded the gown to the floor. Will told Jay to carefully put the shirt on before walking him through putting the pants on.
"Yeah, start on the right and then I'll help when you get to the left." Hailey could sense the exasperation from Jay, hearing the eye rolling and sighs before Will held him up. The bed made a shifting sound, a body moving before nothing. Jay was fully upright.
"You're going to make me cry," Will chuckled, dabbing away tears.
"What? Why."
"Jay, let's take a moment to contemplate the moment." Jay didn't need a lecture, was playing with his brother more then anything. Yes, it was the first time he was standing. Yes, it felt very weird and off-centered and swelling with emotions. But all this was second to the hatred and pain coming to the surface. Hatred towards himself, pain just because.
"This is now really starting to hurt."
"I know. It's the fact you're bearing weight for the first time. Let's just hurry up and get you back in bed." With much reassurance of not falling, the two of them worked together to finish the dressing task, each holding back the humor of two people having to dress one person.
"It's clear," Will announced for Hailey, she deciding to turn around as Jay was returning to the side of the bed. Jay's face was red, expression tired and unwell. Oh how quickly the body can change. A week ago Jay was running miles in a desert, today standing was enough to wipe him out. The human body is something to marvel, an entity that can do it all yet sometimes take it all out. She watched the right foot lift off the ground, taking a moment to grieve in silence that the left never felt the coolness of the floor.
"Since you're here I'm going to run to the bathroom and wash myself up for bed."
"Okay. Take your time," Hailey whispered, the two of them taking satisfaction in Jay's ease of falling asleep. Will scooted out, the room silent with the exception of Jay's sleep sounds. Hailey collapsed on the couch, rubbing her red eyes before running hands through her hair. The day had been a boring one, which in all honesty she appreciated. After the last six days of non-stop travel and news and setbacks, it was nice to just chill. They all spent most of the day watching The Office on Will's iPad. It was the perfect remedy for things. As nurses came in to check on things and doctors performed tests and ran through post-op questionnaires, it was awesome to talk about random but fun things, like which Office character they were most like. Furthermore, hearing Jay laugh, like deeply and sincerely, was music to everyone's ears. Looking back the day would become the prelude to normalcy, but in that moment it was a perfect reminder that Jay was the same guy, just physically altered which even then was debatable…allegedly.
It had been six minutes now since Will left, Hailey forcing her eyes open in a telepathic way of asking Will to speed things along. She pushed out an annoyed exhaled, looking towards the door. Small movements in the bed caught her eye, Jay's right foot in particular. It was moving front in back, like in tune with a beat. Back and forth, over and over again, the foot moved while the rest of him was relaxed. Hailey smirked, the oddness that was Jay Halstead never seemed to end. However, the brain decided to get the non-existent left foot into the action, which brought things to a halt. The residual limb twitched and then everything was on. Jay shot his eyes open, brushing a hand on the limb before looking around.
"You okay?" Jay nodded.
"How long was I out?"
"Like five minutes," Hailey laughed.
"Really? It felt like at least an hour, maybe two."
"Nope, sorry. But that's good…I guess."
"I don't know." The two of them looked at each other, one ready to talk while the other bracing. It was time for another strange topic of conversation, Hailey concluded. She say up, ready to be blasted with another out-of-nowhere thing.
"Where are you staying," Jay started?
"Oh, there's a doctor's room down the hall. They gave it to me for the duration of our stay. It's nice. It's got a bathroom, a TV, a full size bed, and I have all our crap crammed in there so it's great!"
"Ah, I was wondering. Will never travels light so I knew the stuff had to be hiding somewhere." Hailey nodded, grinning in a way to encourage what Jay really wanted to say.
"This is going to sound really weird.."
"-I feel like I've heard that before," she teased. Jay nodded, sighing before continuing.
"Where did I lose it?"
"Um.." she began. This one she really had no clue how to answer.
"The leg," Jay butt in.
"Well you had two surgeries, remember?"
"Yeah, but where did it happen. Sorry, it's just weird knowing somewhere out in the world there are parts of me just floating around." She got where he was coming from, but still was not sure how or if she should even answer. Was this one of those things he had to verbalize and then let go? She wanted that to be the case, but watching him glare at her for an answer told her she had to come up with something. She began with the truth.
"The first surgery, which was below the knee and right about here," she began, posting to a line on her own leg.
"Happened in Dubai. Will and I were in the air on the way to London at that point. Mouse stayed in the waiting room the entire time. By the time we landed everything was done and you were in the ICU. The second surgery happened here and you know all about that one."
"Well here's the second weird question, what happens to it after its' removed?"
"Why, you want a souvenir?" For anyone else Hailey knew they'd get offended, but it was Jay and his sense of humor was a twisted one. She giggled when he started laughing.
"I have no idea. I feel like that's a Will question."
"If I ask him he'll sign me up for a psych consult."
"This is true. Well, I can ask around and see what I come up with." Hailey pulled out an imaginary notepad and pen, thumbing the pages and jotting things down.
"Ask about amputated limbs post-removal. Anything else?"
"I think that's it for now." Will stuck his head in the room, perplexed that Jay was not only up but talking.
"You're up?"
"I threw a pillow at him because he started snoring."
"Rude," Jay shot back. Hailey shrugged, rising from the couch and pointing for Will to get on it. The Halstead's waved farewell, Jay mouthing 'thank you' and Hailey nodding her reply. It was a strange one, their bond, but a great one nonetheless.
…
Two days later, the walk to remember went from a wild dream to reality. Certainly there would be other milestone things that took place, but this where it all began. This snapshot in time was figuratively and literally the first step down the road to the beautiful and scary unknown. The day prior it was all about standing, balancing between Will and Hailey before going solo thanks to bed railings. The balance would one day get there, but for now things were right-side heavy or just on the verge of falling over. Just like everything else it was a process, finding that new center and figuring out how to properly distribute weight on the right leg and residual limb. Furthermore, Jay wanted to overcome the recurring pain and pressure of putting weight on a still healing leg. He knew that in order to get out of that room, hospital, and country he had to be able to move around. So despite everyone's forced encouragement to rest, he kept going. To the members of the hospital staff they thought Jay was both crazy and uncooperative. But for Will and Hailey they wanted to burst into tears with excitement and pride. Jay was back; not that he left, but he was rising up. That pun was very much intended. So here we find them, on the tail-end of day seven, the one week anniversary of the second operation, joking over modes of transportation.
"Alright, we have a walker, a cane, and crutches. My vote is walker purely for the humor."
"That is so never happening." Jay was resting on the left side of the bed, switching out the normal hospital sock for one with a padded bottom. Apparently the hospital didn't want to be sued, insisting that he not touch the ground till he donned the safety wear. There was a slip of the mind when the nurse handed him a pair without thinking. They all laughed, she left the room with one sock in her hand, mortified. It was simply incredible that a week in Jay was able to do so much. Aside from walking, he was able to dress himself and maneuver into different positions in bed. Some may find that odd or a totally normal thing. But for someone that no longer has an integral piece for completing those things, being able to find those new tricks is everything.
"Crutches," Jay selected, inching further off the bed till his foot was touching the ground.
"Ready?" Jay nodded, rising in tune with Will's hand and nudge on the back. Once the balance was almost there Hailey handed off the crutches one at a time. For a moment they stood still in remembrance. That was another miracle of the last week, how adjusted everyone was. Certainly there were still moments of unadulterated emotions, but those instances were fewer and farther between. Occasionally one of them would blurt out 'this is so weird,' but again they all were adapting to the new look, this next chapter of life. But in this moment those emotions were there. It began as sadness, transitioning into impatience.
"Well?"
"I don't know what to do."
"Walker," Hailey teased?
"Yes because the guy from Up is my new aesthetic," Jay teased back.
"We can score some tennis balls from somewhere."
"Okay you two, let's go back to the task at hand. Move the crutches ahead of you and then you meet up. Just start with small steps." Returning himself to the floor, Jay moved both crutches about six inches in front of them. He hesitated for fear of falling over, and then pulled himself to meet the crutches once again. It was so oddly satisfying. One never thinks about a foot rising and landing on a floor, but that was the only thing going through his mind. For the first time in over a week his leg did what it was designed to do, and boy did it feel good. Jay took another step, attention now on the window on the right side of the room. On the third step he realized his left leg was moving in perfect harmony with the crutches. The act in doing that hurt like a pulled muscle, but it was a sad symbol. His mind was still behind, his body trying its' best to perform a task it had been doing since ten months after birth; if only.
"That's totally fine. It's going to happen for a few months. You're doing great." Jay was appreciative for both an informed and close brother, neither of them needing to lay out what they were thinking. Meanwhile Hailey was filming the whole thing, allowing the tears to fall as she silently recorded.
"And now what," Jay questioned as he hit the window. For a week he envisioned some old time, Vespa packed world outside his window, instead it was an elaborate parking deck. So much for the grand, opera-like return he'd played out in his mind.
"You can turn around."
"I'm kind of stuck. Normally I'd back up on the left heel but that's not happening."
"Use your upper body to turn around." More assistance from Will, and plenty of hesitation later, Jay was turned towards the door, slowly making his way there.
"You sure you're up for it?"
"If it helps me get out of here tomorrow, then let's do it." Hailey slid the door open, angling herself down the hall to get the perfect shot going before giving the thumbs up that she was ready. Will poked his head, assuring that things were clear before stepping by for Jay. It was very much an adventure, finally connecting noises with rooms and a hallway. He heard the commotion of this strange new world, met the people that lived here, but now he could finally pair images with it all. The hallway was like any other hospital. Same long, glass encased rooms with sleeping or quiet people; the nurses station at the end of the long strip. The walls were the same crisp white they always were and the flooring in Italy was just as drab and oddly colored as in America. For some reason Jay thought things would be decked in marble and frescos and mahogany, blame being cooper up for a week.
"Here's where I'm staying," Hailey pointed out about halfway down the hall. Jay peered in, noting the bags and disheveled bed and TV buttons tossed on a nightstand. It looked like a college dorm in there.
"Quaint."
"Do you need to rest? How's the pain?"
"I can make it to the end and back," Jay reassured, turning himself back the hallway. Waves and words of encouragement greeted him as he approached the nurses station. All were enamored at how well he was doing, Jay having to confess the pride in himself as well. But what happened next was like that out of a movie.
Cinematically speaking, it was like Mr. Darcy emerging from the fog on that stunning morning. Elizabeth couldn't sleep, wandering in the hopes of finding him or forgetting him. The music swells, the figure proudly and confidently strolls out to her. It is a moment forever etched in movie history. But in this situation it wasn't Mr. Darcy and Jay wasn't sleeplessly searching for the one and there wasn't an ounce of fog in sight. Instead it was Mouse who stumbled out of the elevator and almost falling to his knees. A bag rolling across the laminate tile floor it was caught the attention of those walking down the hall, a cursing, bent over Mouse was what had Jay speeding up his pace.
"Jay, wait!" Will was a step or two behind Jay, who was on the verge of sprinting on crutches to his long-time friend.
"Jay?!"
"Don't move man, I need an endpoint," Jay said. With two steps to go he ditched the crutches and hopped, seriously, into Mouse's arms that were bracing for a fall. It was a beautiful bromantic moment. Any thought of resentment or hate vanished from Mouse as he embraced Jay. Just like it was those eternal days ago, the two picked up right where they left off. It was a long, good, multi-meaning hug. The two of them missing the other, words needing to be spoken. The hug started as strong, both laughing in unison before crying on each other's shoulder. There was not a dry eye in that hallway
"I'm so sorry, Jay," Mouse spoke through things.
"It's fine, I'm not mad." Mouse stepped back, taking in things. He didn't get to see the results of the most recent surgery, scanning and pausing on the glaring difference.
"You look good, man."
"Trying." Will cleared his throat, holding the crutches in his hands.
"Ready to head back?" Jay was more then ready for all meanings to the question.
So you may wonder why we've breezed past the hospital stay part of this story, which I totally get. This story isn't just about the surgeries and recovery, but the whole story from start to finish. There is so much left to explore and reveal, this just a stepping stone in the river of things. Next chapter we will see a mini Intelligence reunion, along with some fast food?! Stay tuned.