Chapter 8- Tell The World He's Coming Home
I'm very excited for this little chapter. This is where we start to get down to things, the reality begins that sinking process. Plus, this is just going to be fun times since it'll be Jay's initiation into the world. Let's get this going!
"And…it's out! That was the last one."
"Oh thank God," Jay jokingly groaned as the cotton ball and band-aid were secured where an IV once was. The day was finally upon them. Eight days after surgery, and eleven days since the inception of everything, Jay was being given the green light to reenter society. It was a miracle for starters, something for awhile they didn't think they'd get to, or something that would look so much worse. The day was also strange, this slight hesitation in the air. All parts involved were ready to head back but there was this fear of things going bad, or some unexpected setback happening. But nevertheless, knowing Jay was no longer a patient was something to celebrate on this day.
"Do you want to stay flat for a moment," Will teased? Jay nodded. To combat the fear of needles, Jay always requested that he be in a flat position whenever things went in or out, anticipating passing out or puking or worse. Hailey laughed as she hoisted the backpack from off the floor and onto the couch, beginning the thought process of what Jay could wear. There was still the issue of swelling and sensitivity, so anything long or remotely tight was going to be off the table for a bit. But the further she dug in the more apparent it became this was going to be mission impossible.
"Why did you pack like twenty pairs of jeans for a three day trip?"
"Options."
"Good grief you're worse then a girl," she muttered in annoyance as she hit the shirts, finding that article of clothing to be more numerous then the pants.
"Again, options."
"No wonder this thing weighs a million pounds. How did you even carry this?" Jay laughed, slowly working his way to a sitting up position. Eyesight was a tad blurry, and he blanked out for a couple seconds, but all was well. Looking around the room was a bit of a dejection trip, which was rather surprising for a guy who hated hospitals. On the one hand he was so ready to leave, return to the world of people and shopping and food and normal beds. But on the other hand, he knew what was going to come with all of that. Everyone kept asking about it, they all were anticipating the event and being honest, Jay was as well. He was so focused on getting out of here that he'd pushed things to the side. Now with that goal achieved, there wasn't much holding back the wave. That part he wasn't looking forward to in the least, but he never said this to anyone. Instead he focused on who was entering the room, mainly keeping his eyes on the rather attractive woman. The small man with her just started spitting Italian but Jay wasn't paying attention. Actually, none of the men in the room were listening to the wizard of amputations speak.
"Ice and elevate the leg for the next two weeks, except don't keep it elevated the entire time. Too much will start to tighten your hip which you don't want. Try sleeping in different positions and rest as much as you can. While you are able to move around your body still needs the recharge. Take the medication as prescribed. I know your brother said you'll switch some stuff when you get home, but don't start taking those till you finish what you get here. Any questions?" Apparently they don't greet to ease people into things in Italy. They just say their lines and wait, Jay jokingly concluded.
"Nope," stuttered out of Jay's mouth. The translator was well aware of her attractiveness, using it to play with any guy she came across. She smirked before tucking a section of hair behind her ear, making eye contact with Jay as she approached.
"Sign on the line."
"What?" Hailey was holding back the laugh attack as she watched her partner practically drool.
"The discharge papers. Just sign on the bottom and you're free to leave."
"Oh…yeah," Jay took the pen and board from her, internally freaking out that skin contact was made. He signed initials, making his release that much faster, before returning things to the translator.
"Excellent. Have a safe trip back home, everyone."
"Thank you so much for everything," Hailey thanked on behalf of everyone. The translator nodded, the wizard waved, then the duo disappeared forever.
"Who was that," Jay asked?
"Tongues back in your mouths boys," Hailey called.
"Why are we leaving Italy again," Mouse asked? If Hailey could she'd smack all of them. Men, they never changed.
"Let's focus on getting dressed, shall we? There's nothing in here that he can wear that doesn't smell or meet healing requirements." Will was the first to return to reality, rummaging through the piles Hailey had made before reaching a solution.
"Did you wear these," Will asked, holding up extremely wrinkled workout clothes and a hoodie. Jay froze in memory. The fuse had been lit.
"Uh…yeah. Eleven days ago." The whole room seemed to drop its' shoulders, realizing the memories the simple pants, shirt, and hoodie now housed. You could've heard an ant sneeze it was so quiet.
"Hey, forget it. We'll find something else."
"No, I'm fine. Let's just get out of here." It seriously took everything for them all to not lose it. How strange it is that things people never think twice about could have that effect on someone. The average person just throws clothes on for practical or fashion reasons, typically not because of a memory. But as Jay put the shirt on and allowed Will help him with the pants, that's all that was in his head. He was now feeling the mood of that morning, running through the pre-run steps in his mind. He could feel the sun, see the never ending sandy expanse around. It all was so good. It was so peaceful. And then it was no more in so many ways. Jay finally did lose it when Hailey pulled out the running shoes, the different colored left shoelace bringing back that innocent yet eerily foretelling memory. It wasn't a gradual process into full break down. He was fine and then lost it, crumbled in tears. Will did his best to coax and comfort, but it wasn't working. This was truly the first of things hitting, the realization that nothing was ever going to be the same. While watching the Halsteads mourn, the sound of sniffing from across the way caught Hailey's attention. She looked to the chair on Jay's left to see Mouse wiping his face free of tears.
"Hey, it's okay," she encouraged when she finally made her way to him. The four of them just absorbed the moment, not caring if people walked by and stared. This moment was necessary, almost perfect that it was happening right before life went into a new scene. It was the mourning of the past before embracing the future.
"We look ridiculous," from Jay was what finally got things to start shifting.
"No, it's necessary Jay. No one is judging."
"Well don't throw them out," Jay spoke, referring to the sneakers.
"Oh, no. Actually they'll be really good the prosthetic when we get to that point. It's the one with the inserts, right?" Jay nodded.
"Yeah, it'll be a perfect mold for things." Again, another nod before he asked for the right shoe. Will offered to lace things up and Jay said otherwise, noting that he was able to still do that. A nurse entered the room as Hailey was finishing up the re-packing task, counting up how many carry-ons they'd have to cram into the overhead of an airplane. The total was five by the way, and that was before they went into Florence for the next two days.
"I can walk to the car," Jay protested as the wheelchair got closer to the bed.
"Hospital policy," Will shot back.
"Even here?"
"It's pretty universal. I'm going to get the car pulled up front and then we'll all go down together." Grabbing two of the five bags, Will jogged down the hall and in the direction of an exit. Hailey snapped her fingers at a thumb twiddling Jay, clearing her throat when she finally had his attention.
"So about that question you asked a couple days ago…"
"Yeah?" Hailey smiled before speaking.
"I made have been meritoriously promoted, but I'm good my job." Mouse laughed, Jay busied himself with eye rolling.
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"Yes," Jay and Mouse replied together.
"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. Once an amputated limb has been removed it goes off for testing before…they burn it."
"What," Mouse exclaimed?!
"That's kind of disgusting."
"Like immediately after?" Jay completely looking past the whole burning truth bomb.
"Usually an hour or so after. It's a quick process from OR to testing to…the other part. By the time a patient is waking up from surgery it's already gone. Like completely."
"Seems…morbid?! I guess?!"
"Well let's think about it. It's already dead. What else are they going to do with the limb, keep it in a jar in a dark closet?"
"That would actually be kind of cool," Mouse joked, to which Jay and Hailey glared as they broke into laughter.
"Do you know what time it happened for both?"
"You thought I wouldn't find that out?! Dubai has 12:47am on their records. Here is listed at 9:57pm."
"It's still really weird."
"Yeah, but it's gone. Floating into the atmosphere and permeating the earth."
"Okay, now I will stop you there," Jay teased, shaking his head at the imagery in his mind. A knock on the glass door rapped into things, Will sticking his head in and acting overly excited.
"Ready?!"
"Like you have to ask." With much pestering and whining, Jay was situated in the wheelchair, crutches nestled safely on the left leg rest. A final look around the room, a mental farewell before things got rolling. The parade of four wove their way through the halls, dishing out more last words to the numerous people that helped get them to this point. In the elevator Jay tried to stand before they all pounced on him, yet more that of that classic Jay peering back into life. Sunrise hit them all for the first time in days, various vampire-esque reactions to the power source humorous.
"You may now rise," Will spoke when they arrived at the world's smallest 'van.' It's hilarious what the Italians consider large vehicles. Certainly it had something to do with their American, truck frenzy expectations, but being honest the van wasn't much bigger then a standard sedan. As Jay got himself up and towards the curb, Hailey took on the task of cramming bags into something the size of a medium suitcase. She was a hopeless mess, Mouse watching in pity as she played a version of whack-a-mole but with falling bags. By the fifth tumble he stepped in assist, the two of them working to stuff everything and slam the trunk shut. Meanwhile Will was having trouble getting Jay's six foot frame into the back seat without bumping anything and making sure the left leg was properly elevated. Once he was in the question of where Mouse would go and where to place crutches naturally were raised, all of them silently smacking and cursing Will for not inspecting the rental car before this point. Mouse volunteered to sit on the roof, but miraculously two grown men and a pair of crutches fit in the back. Will and Hailey took their place in the front, slamming the doors together and all sighing in victory.
"When, not if, we get pulled over I'm just going to laugh," Jay spoke into the silence.
"Well thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Hey, if your car rental skills are indicative of anything.."
"Do you two ever not fight," Hailey asked?
"It's rare."
"Okay so we need to stop at the pharmacy before going to the hotel. I have not a clue where it is but they swear it's very close."
"Can we find a McDonalds on the way?" That stopped all movement and conversing between the group, six wide eyes meeting Jay's surprised and embarrassed face.
"McDonalds?! You really are a changed man."
"What! I'm hungry and dying for a burger and I'm going to guess that isn't a local delicacy around here."
"You realize you're a sleeping time bomb. They gave you a whole bunch of stuff before we left so that you could sleep today."
"We'll make it fast."
"Okay so pharmacy then McDonalds then hotel so we can all sleep the day away."
"Sounds fine to me." And on that note the clown car of Americans rattled and roared their way out of the hospital entrance and onto the streets of Florence; ready for the fastest, funniest, memorable trip to the prolific Italian city.
…
Upon rolling up to the local McDonalds' restaurant, jaws dropped in shock and jealousy, in a way. For starters the exterior of the place was a modern architectural dream. The curvature and contrasting textures and shades making its' American counterparts look like something created on a medicinal high. Instead of large, yellow, towering humps spinning around on a pole in the front yard, the Italian place was a mixture of black and white and calming grey with textiles far too stuffy for your typical fast food place. There wasn't a creepy, red wigged clown sitting on a bench awaiting your presence, but rather sleek markings of where you were about to enter. Had it not been for the navigation or the cool neon M tucked into a corner on the front display, none of them would've pointed this place out as a fast food establishment. Furthermore, as they pulled into a parking spot it dawned on them that they either didn't know or couldn't afford the car brands surrounding them.
"Watch the food be crap," Mouse joked as they all began to climb out of the car.
"HA! Oh totally."
"I feel like we should go on an American fast food tour and see if the others places stack up." Jay so much as had his door open before Will squawked for him to stop, digging elbows deep into the bag of medication and pulling a long, bulky, cylinder of a box.
"We need to do this before we go in," Will spoke as he shook the box, the sound of something small rattling around.
"Do I want to know what that is?"
"Blood clot medication."
"And we have to do this right now."
"Yeah, it's got to be twenty-four hour intervals and the doctors instructed that we do it based on flight times. So we leave forty-eight hours from now which means one now, one tomorrow, one before we take off and then one after we get back home. From that point you're cleared to take normal medication."
"Please don't say it has to go in the ass," Jay trailed off as he watched Will de-box and prep the syringe.
"No. In the stomach actually."
"Of course it does."
"Mouse, Hailey, can you guys stand guard of the car while we do this? Also, take his crutches so we have more space." Without protest the two of them did as was told, each standing in front of a back door, looking away and not in at what was going on in the backseat.
"This looks wildly inappropriate," Jay joked as he slid to a flat position on the seat. Will was crouched over and standing over him, doubling to just inches above as Jay's joke finally resonated. The two of them laughed for a few seconds, both seeming to agree in the observation.
"It's Italy, they don't care." Jay rolled his eyes while pulling his shirt up to his chest.
"How's the sleep," slurred out of Will thanks to the syringe top in his mouth. An alcohol pad was rubbed on the injection site, causing slight panic in Jay's voice as he replied.
"Nothing yet. But I don't think I'm going to drop dead asleep mid-chew."
"What are we getting in here so you don't have to stand in line?"
"Big Mac, maybe two. Definitely a Coke and fries and holy cow that burns." Will shot his eyebrows up and down, his distraction tactics never failing. Jay forewent speaking for the next few minutes, simply feeling the burning sensation of the extra thick medication working its' way into his system. Much longer then Jay's liking, Will pulled the syringe out from under the skin and place it in a bag, one handedly opening a band aid and sticking on the skin.
"Because you did so well you get a nice normal band aid. If you freaked out I got an Italian princess option."
"Your love never ceases to amaze me." Will shrugged, knocking on the window that things were clear. Jay found himself stuck, unable to move from his place in the car. Normally he'd use his leg foot as a anchor before the abs propped him up all the way. But now without he was lost on how to maneuver.
"Use the right," Will explained, setting up the crutches for when got things figured out. Jay was embarrassed in realizing he had to be told that. While certainly it was true that he lost one, he still had a perfectly capable counterpart. It took an attempt or two, but victoriously he made it back to a sitting position, scooting carefully out to fresh air with everyone's great amount of coaxing.
"Ready?" Jay looked down at himself and tested the balance, nodding he was fine. In pairs of two the four of them made their way to the front door. At last, they were doing something completely calm and normal.
One had to know the inside of the place was just as immaculate and stunning as the exterior. The whole thing was sleek and modern. There were no lines or people taking your order, but a large digital screen that stood in place of people. The place was lit about as well as a high-end restaurant back home, complete with a wait staff ready to take refills or clear tables in seconds. Tables were natural, thick wood textures, the chairs metal and interesting designs. Back home this place would win awards, but here this was something for the common man. Oh how different the world was sometimes. They stood in awe for a few seconds, Will soon delegating tasks. Hailey took Jay to a table while Will and Mouse got the food. No one protested, just did their job and quickly. It was in the journey from the front door to the table that it dawned on Jay. He figured this would happen, dreaded it actually. He began to feel them the second he got out of the car, but now seeing it in action he almost wanted to run the other way. It wasn't till Hailey got him in a seat that he acknowledged his strong dislike for it.
"People are staring."
"Yeah…" Hailey took the crutches and tucked them in a corner of the table, taking a seat opposite of Jay.
"I kind of worried you'd get upset by that."
"I wouldn't say I'm upset. But not a fan of it? Yeah."
"It's a natural response, Jay. You've never stared at something?" Jay shrugged.
"Just don't like that it's me." Hailey nodded, reaching for a distraction in the form of a phone.
"One day you'll get used to it, probably won't even notice over time." Of course Jay wanted to disagree with that, but how could he be certain on something he had zero info or inkling on. So instead he took to looking around the room, mentally raising the question of why things were taking so long. It was the hunger speaking more then anything.
"We should call everyone back home." Hailey just about dropped her phone over that unsuspecting announcement.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
"You're going to be okay?"
"Yes! Thank you, really, but I'll be fine. Seriously." Ferocious texting was happening on her side of the table, a smile breaking out before long.
"They all just got there so they said to wait a couple minutes."
"Who's waiting a couple minutes," Will questioned? Jay's stomach was singing the tune of angels as he stared at the sustenance. Mouse took a seat next to Jay while Will took the vacant spot by Hailey. Divvying up food in no time, all were munching when the FaceTime ring lit up Hailey's phone. There was a minor pause, making sure things were still approved. Jay nodded, pointing with a finger not latched on a portion of burger or fry. Things were fuzzy for a moment, and then sounds of delight filled the atmosphere of the once subdued McDonalds.
"Hey guys," Jay spoke with a half stuffed face, sheepishly waving against the chords of screams, cheers, tears, and greetings. The noise was so very American, the locals in the restaurant rolling their eyes at it all. If only they knew the reason for the celebration.
"Let's ask the obvious: what are you eating," someone asked? Honestly it was hard to tell who was saying what. Part of it had to do with the fact there were so many faces crammed into the screen, which touched Jay. This many people felt it necessary to pause the beginning of their workday so they could watch him sit and eat. He felt the love immensely.
"McDonalds."
"You miss our food that bad, huh?" Jay smirked before nodding.
"Dare I say, this might be better then home," to which gasps rippled across his audience.
"Is that Mouse," Trudy shouted from somewhere in the screen. Jay sat back, another round of screams and cheers echoing into the place. Jay was convinced they'd be kicked out in a couple seconds.
"Well Jay, we miss you and are just beyond glad to be talking. How are things?"
"Getting there. Was discharged a couple hours ago."
"Excellent! How long are you guys out there?" Jay looked to the master planner of things: Will.
"We're here the rest of today and then tomorrow. We leave what will be Friday morning here."
"So soon?"
"Yeah, he needs a couple rounds of medication and rest in him, but yes he's cleared to fly home."
"Good luck with that. Well, the job is calling so we've got to go. Have fun and be safe and we'll see you guys soon."
"Thanks guys! Miss you all and will see you soon." The jubilation rang out one more time, everyone trying to get those final remarks and waves in before the screen went dark. Jay noted the lack of questions pertaining to his well being or adjusting or specifics of things. He figured Hailey gave them the do's and don't's conversation, to which he wasn't sure if he liked that. But above it all, he wasn't entirely sure if the phone call was doing good things for him. While he certainly missed home and all the people, there was this element of not knowing what was coming next. Thoughts of his last case being the last case trickled in and out as they drove towards the hotel. He had no clue what home now resembled, lost on how new this life of his was going to be. It's safe to assume the ride into the old city of Florence was a quiet one for all of them.
…
Waking up was different, surprising, odd in many ways. For starters he didn't recall falling asleep, let alone walking into this room and landing on a bed. And there was another thing, a bed; as in a real live, sort of comfortable bed. For as long as he could remember, he dwelled in a bed tracking his every movement and was a level above a rock. Compared to that he felt to be on a cloud of pillows, not deserving to be in such luxury and comfort. The sheets smelled clean, the coolness of them exactly what he didn't realize he needed. While Will may have failed miserably on the rental car, he was more then making up for it here. That was until Jay looked around the room.
He imagined this was what New York City apartments looked like, the ones that go for millions of dollars but aren't much bigger then a shoe box. The bags that were once jammed into the trunk of the van were now stacked a couple feet high in the corner near the door. Next to Mount Baggage was a couch, which looked to be able to accommodate one person at a time. There was a window but it too matched the rest of the room, tiny and oddly placed. Snoring drew his attention further down the right side of his purview, now seeing it was Will lying face down on a pillow next to him. Going the six inches to the next bed awarded him a joke of a scene. Hailey and Mouse were sharing a bed, each couldn't have been further apart from each other. Mouse was seriously dangling off the left side of the bed while only part of Hailey could be seen on the other side. It was clear that all were dead tired and all really needed this time to deeply rest. As he noted their disheveled sleep compared to his comfortable and set up resting place, he suddenly felt guilty. If he could he'd find a way to help them. But as is the theme of this whole event, there was literally nothing he could do. It was here that the pain let itself known.
It took a moment for it to kick in, but oh how loud it was when it made its' way into things. For a moment Jay missed the epidural, which is a feat considering. It started as this low, bruise feeling; almost like pressing on a day three spot. From there it quickly turned into burning, itching, just loud pain. As a complete joke between him and himself, Jay concluded it felt like his leg got chopped off and then just left there. Yes, we're fully aware of the dark humor in that. Exploring the room with his eyes was nixed for the quest to locate the pain meds. Will was brought to mind, but the last thing Jay wanted to do was wake him up. He looked as far as he could right before going left, sighing in relief as he witnessed the bedside table fully covered in pill bottles. One by one he reached over and read the labels, silently thanking things when he found the bottle discussing pain management. The top was popped, water and pills slipped into his mouth, and Jay lay there with his eyes closed till he felt the high sensation waft its' way into his system. He was doing so well until he misjudged the top of the table. It might as well been a firing gun at the start of the race. The pill bottle hadn't finished its' rolling on the floor and Will was up and running through the checklist.
"Hey, what's wrong? Pain? Soreness? Do you need ice or something?" Jay hushed with a light smack before pointing at the still snoozing people on the other bed.
"They're still sleeping," Jay whispered. Will rolled over and nodded when he saw, rotating back towards Jay before continuing.
"You slept…six hours. That's really good! How long have you been up?"
"Just a couple minutes. I'm guessing it's dusk, based on the poor lighting in the window."
"What's the pain at and what did you take," Will spoke while sitting up, rubbing his eyes the whole time.
"It's a combo of everything. Bottle is on the floor." With ninja-like skills, Will tumbled off the bed and onto the floor, rounding to Jay's side and bending down to collect the fallen item.
"Here, take this with it," Will instructed with two pills from other bottles in hand. Jay didn't ask, just swallowed. He hated how reliant he was on those things, but then he remembered that at some point this would all be over. Whatever it took to get to that point he was willing to do.
"That's to help with the nerve pain and then the muscle relaxer for the tightness. It's going to take awhile for the hamstring and stuff to settle in its' new position." Jay nodded, really not wanting to dive into the new anatomy of his left leg. It was here that a revelation was made, a dirty one at that.
"Is it possible to shower? It's only been eleven days and another continent since I had one." Will smirked, fully understanding the desperation Jay was probably experiencing. Among many other things, the guy hated being dirty. So to have gone this long is amazing in and of itself. Will made his way to the bags, carefully laying each one on the ground as if a precious item was in them. Eventually he found what he was looking for, ever-so-slowly unzipping the bag and pulling out a long, white, sleeve looking device with only one end opened. Jay stared at him puzzled when he came with the item and crutches.
"I'll show you when we get in the bathroom. You got it?" Jay began his attempt at sitting while Will was speaking, nodding when the question was asked. It could a couple efforts, but before long Jay was sitting on the side of the, hands on the crutches and raising himself to a standing position. The balance was still off, Will basically catching Jay as he slid a little too far to the right.
"You okay?" Again, Jay nodded before rolling his eyes in frustration.
"It's your first day home, Jay. Just go easy." Will allowed him to take the lead, a step behind as there wasn't enough room in the place for them to walk side by side. They waited till both were in the bathroom and the door was closed to turn on the light. The low wattage lightbulb revealed a less then stellar room, white tile everywhere and an aged look to things. It wasn't grand or five stars but it would do the trick. Will instructed for Jay to sit on the toilet seat lid and he turned the shower faucet.
"Okay, this is the first of many sleeves you're going to wear. This one is for the shower for right now while your stitches are healing. The other we'll get to when we get there. Right now this is inside out and see how I've created this cup for the base? That will sit right in the middle and then slowly pull it up the leg." Will so far as lined things up before the hands started shaking, dropping his head before going silent.
"I'm sorry. This is all still really weird," he spoke after a bit. He didn't look up at Jay for fear of making himself cry.
"Yeah, you're not the one having to live with it," Jay shot back under his breath. Will continued to hesitate, Jay shrugged before pointing at the sleeve.
"I can do it."
"No no. I need to show you how and then you can try next time." One roll at a time, the sleeve made its' way up the leg and resting at the very top of the leg. The material was water resistant and somewhat rubbery, so as it made its' way up the tightness and discomfort grew that much more. By the time it was all the way on Jay was doing his best to breathe.
"Just sit on the floor of the shower. There isn't a chair and I really don't want you falling."
"A chair? Will, I'm not doing that for the rest of time."
"You don't understand how bad falling would be right now. On top of the fact it would completely hurt, you run the risk of damaging things which down the road could mean more surgeries. So please, just listen okay?" He hated it. Despised the thought of having to radically alter how he did such a basic task, but the last thing he wanted was more setbacks. So against all voices shouting in his head, Jay promised to do as was instructed.
"Take your time and let me know if you need anything. Don't forget to grab onto something before getting in or out."
"Okay. You can leave now. I have this." Will hesitated, fearful for what would happen the second he left things alone, but another glare from Jay and he was heading out. Jay waited till the door was fully closed to remove all smelly and dirty clothing from him. Doing what was promised, he death gripped the handle in the shower and slowly moved his way to the floor. Sitting on tile is never fun but Jay didn't budge, humorously joking to himself about the need for a scraping tool to rid himself of all the gunk and dirt of international travel.
Showers are supposed to be these glorious, calming, refreshing pleasure in life, and this one was looking to be no different. The continuous beads of water trickled all around and fell at just the right speed and location. The temperature of the water was spot on, never fading to cold or overly hot. All was going well, cleanliness was being restored, so it really bothered Jay how miserable and strange he felt. He couldn't look at himself, resented the echoed splatter of the water hitting the sleeve on his leg. After the second round of scrubbing and rinsing, Jay took to the task of just staring, feeling, embracing. This was the first time he was truly seeing himself. There weren't any blankets or clothes or people that were obstructing him from seeing the truth of things. Everything was on full display, there was no hiding what was now real life. A thought that kept going through his mind was that, 'it's not there.' Moving past the sleeve on his leg, his eyes watched where water was hitting tile instead of skin. He could feel the massaging of the water on the leg, but it was not there according to his eyes. Jay would dart from leg to leg, thinking after some rotation it would magically reappear, the left foot would twitch and react just like the right was. But no matter what he did, it wasn't there. He didn't puke, but a small part of him felt sick. It all was so wrong, things clearly not well, yet here he was allowed to go home and live like this for however long he was going to stay on earth. He learned that day that despite his best efforts, he was not alright. He lost a leg. A freaking massive part of his life that he really could've used right about then. His mind wandered to all the things he was no longer going to be able to do, starting with the small things like applying socks to the massive things that had him tearing up. Time would help readjust these things, but for this moment he hated everything that was considered him. He was missing a leg and he didn't even get to say farewell to the instrumental limb. Jay sat in that moment emotional, silent, in a world of misery for quite some time. Tears blended well with the water, Jay at least thankful for that. He didn't have it in him to explain things to Will at that point. It was Will's knocking on the door that brought him back to the logistics of things. People were sure to be worried by now, probably about to kick the door down. Ah, there was another thing he was going to have to bid farewell to.
"You okay in there?"
"Yeah, just taking things in."
"You need help getting out?" Jay managed to stand up and turn the water off, now realizing a towel should've been put much closer then where it currently was.
"No, just a towel would be nice." The door creaked open, noise coming through the crack before leaving things. What Jay could hear was talking and a television.
"Here," spoke a hand seconds later. Jay took the towel, pausing to figure out how to put on said towel without falling in a heap. It took several attempts but victoriously he emerged with the bottom half covered.
"Good! I brought clothes because we forgot." Will helped Jay back to his seat on the toilet lid.
"Hey, are you okay," Will asked? Jay's lack of speaking or protesting or really anything kind of made things click. He saw the slow head shake, the lower lip bite, and then it all crumbled. Taking his brother in his arms, the two of them allowed for Jay to let it all out. It wasn't just a typical, frustrating cry, but a deep, mourning sob session. His whole body was shaking, heaving out whatever had been stored up those days in the hospital. As much as it scared Will, he was glad to see things coming to the surface. Jay needed this, this moment so crucial for the path that lay ahead.
"I know. I'm so sorry," Will spoke a handful of times, each repeat ending with Jay nodding his head. Heartbreaking is one way to put it. Closure and beauty is another way of summarizing things. Certainly it would become a stepping stone in the whole arc of the story.
…
A rooster squawked right outside the window, that's what made him jump into an alert state. Just as he did the previous night, his first instinct was to look around the room and see if he was the only one awake. Just like last night, the bags were stacked almost to the ceiling and the bed arrangements were exactly the same. The difference this morning was Hailey who was buried deep in a book. The positioning of the bed allowed for her to sit in a corner on her side of the bed, back pressed into the wall. She was sitting with her legs crossed in an X, tapping her toe to an imaginary beat. It was the first time in awhile Jay had seen her not in a panic or worried state. She looked happy, peaceful in a way. Sleep was doing wonders for all of them.
"Oh, hey," she whispered upon realizing he'd glanced over.
"Hey." Mouse let out an extra loud snore, Hailey doing her best to damper a giggle while Jay looked perplexed and shocked. In all the years they worked together, somehow they'd never slept in the same room. Jay suddenly felt bad for Hailey, figuring the reason she was up reading was because she never went to sleep.
"Has that been going on all night?"
"No…not the whole time…it's fine. We're all at that stage anyway."
"Ugh, I'm sorry." A low gurgle and roar from his gut told him food was needed right then. Hailey and her super tuned ear must've heard the noise, gently placing the book on the bed and maneuvering at the pace of a sloth. Once feet touched the ground she headed for the door, slipping shoes on and rummaging for her wallet.
"Hailey, you don't have to.."
"-No, with the meds you're on you can't wait. Besides I'm already hungry and just needed something to get me up."
"Wait, I'll go with you."
"Jay seriously. You just got out of the hospital and you are supposed to be resting except for getting on a flight."
"Which I will do after we get breakfast. Come on, there's got to be a place somewhere close by." Tapping her flip flopped foot, Hailey realized she wasn't going to be able to leave the room alone. Knowing full well the wrath Will was going to inflict on them, she hesitated a moment or two. But Jay forced her hand, delicately removing the sheets from off of him and working his way to sitting up in bed.
"You enjoy getting in trouble. I'm convinced," Hailey remarked as she threw clothing at him. He just smirked, pulling the sweatshirt over him and adjusting the shorts he already had on. A slide was put on his foot and crutches lined up for his standing. Hailey guided him to the extra small couch by the front door before doing the morning round of meds. Several gulps later he was ready to go.
"Put a note on the bed. His face preferably," Jay joked. A message of breakfast was scribbled and placed on Jay's pillow. Hailey opened the door and the two of them slunk out of the room, both rather proud they were able to escape unnoticed.
The pace was slow, Jay very quickly realizing that this was going to be his best for awhile. It takes a lot of effort to heave oneself from step to step, especially on one leg and the other throbbing. It was an adjustment for all, but one that Hailey really didn't mind. Realizing the damage and trauma that was done, she was happy Jay was going to finally have this season of life to slow down, savor life and all its' pleasant offerings. Of course she never wanted Jay to go through what he did, but she was doing her best to find some sort of silver lining.
"So I was reading this website about taking care of the remaining leg because it's going through just as many changes as the residual limb is."
"Oh no, not you too," Jay teased.
"I'm not kidding! Jay, you have to take this seriously. If you do anything to your right leg, you're kinda done. Think about it, most of your weight is now resting on that leg. Your right leg is having to walk on it's own and bear the brunt of whatever activity you're doing. You've got to rest when you can and do your best not to strain anything."
"Yes, mom. I will do my best."
"I could so smack you right now." Jay just laughed, stepping forward as the elevator chimed its' arrival to the main level. What the doors opened to was nothing short of incredible. Jay was surprised he had no memory of this place. It probably had something to do with the race against falling asleep, but taking those first steps into the main lobby made him speechless. This place could've been on the cover of some travel magazine or blog. The floor was pure white stone material with black grout dancing in between. The walls were a contrasting dark blue and a glass ceiling allowing the warmth of the sunlight to dance in between the ivy crawling along the top of things. The furniture had to be fresh off a design studio floor, everything unique yet going along with the flow. The tones were muted and calming, all extremely high end and very much Italian.
"I think we're under dressed," Jay announced as he glanced up at the ceiling for the fifth time.
"Oh stop. We're on vacation and who cares." Hailey guided Jay to the little cafe tucked right off the main lobby. Its' ambience was very similar to the lobby but the decor was different. The pristine white stone floor was switched out for checkerboard tile. The once muted tones were now small blasts of color. Bright green, dark blue, wood and dark backdrops made for a picturesque setting for a traditional Italian breakfast place. The second Jay walked into the place he felt the stares. It was midmorning but the place was still packed. Little children with their parent, business people attending meetings or rushing between them, the hipster here and there deep in writing a script or political post on their blog. It was like home but far more upscale. Yet all life seemed to stop when Jay walked in, everyone both enamored and shocked at the off balanced guy in the room. In reality it was not that many people that noticed the new visitors, but to Jay it was the entire world. Hailey walked with him to a table in the back and helped him in a seat, jokingly telling him to not move as she darted for the line. Jay took the time to stare out the glass wall next to him. Florence was both stunning and packed, Jay thoroughly enjoying the people watching and sight seeing he could do from his perch. Time flew by as he stared, not realizing Hailey was calling his name several times. It was the nudged on the shoulder that finally pulled him away.
"Finally. Alright?!"
"Yeah, sorry. Just got distracted."
"Yeah, it's stunning," she commented, taking a second to glance out before dropping the goods on the table.
"What is it?"
"It's coffee. You'll like it."
"But it's missing…a lid…and styrofoam," Jay joked while gesturing the things he was referring to. This time Hailey did reach over and smack him.
"Ow! I'm a wounded person." Jay laughed as she rolled her eyes at him, taking a sip out of her cup before speaking.
"Believe it or not but they actually make cups with handles and out of fancy materials like china and good old pottery."
"Wow, I should definitely look into that. And yes, this is very good." The last part was overly sarcastic and Hailey didn't play into it. For the next several minutes it was a switch off between food and beverage. It all was so good and the two of them were starving. Croissants, breakfast sandwiches, and two rounds of coffee went down in record time. Before long the two of them were leaning back and feeling the bloat. It all was so filling but still so good.
"I have to ask.."
"Oh boy."
"What's going on back home." Hailey hesitated, not ready or even expecting to have this conversation at this stage of the game. At the very least, she saw this happening a week or so into Jay being home. But right now, with a very normal tone, it all took her off guard.
"You mean work." Jay nodded.
"I think we both know the outcome of all of this."
"I don't know what's going to happen. And I don't think you do either. This is new for all of us."
"Yeah, but there's got to be some level of conversation going on. You're the one keeping up to date with them. What are they saying?"
"Jay, I'm not sugar coating or trying to avoid things. I mean it when I say nothing has been discussed. Work and you coming back has never been brought up. The only thing we're all focusing on right now is getting you home and then recovery."
"It's starting to sink in," Jay quietly confessed eventually, saying it while staring out the window.
"What is."
"Everything. Last night in the shower was bad, but looking back it was necessary. I know that everyone is saying that a prosthetic will help and will make life better and all, but I'm the one that has to live with all of this. I know the advancements are amazing and people talk about doing everything they did before, but I still really miss being normal. I hate that every part of life now has to be run through the 'post amputation thought process.' It's tiring and somewhat annoying and right now at this spot in recovery, I'm really not sure how this all magically gets better. Am I grateful to be here and not in some hospital bed waiting for surgery on a destroyed leg? Yes, I will agree that amputation was the right call. But still, it's sinking in that that way of doing life is over. I've now got to figure out a whole new one. It's daunting."
"So, do you even want to do the prosthetic? It's not a requirement but.."
"-Yeah, of course I do. I want to be active again and not have to rely on crutches for the rest of time. And I realize I have no room to be bitching about things but.."
"-No, don't ever say that. You have every right to be expressing all of this. You went through a lot, and I mean a whole heck of a lot that day. Just think over what you remember and then what has been told to you. Just as your body needs to heal, your mind needs to recover as well. It truly is a shock, for lack of a better term. You passed out one way and woke up a very changed person and you didn't get to make the call on that. So what you're feeling right now is very normal, all part of the healing process. In order to find that new way of life you first have to come to terms with what happened, accept and embrace it all, and then move on to the next step. If anything, I'm really glad you're telling me this. It shows me that the healing is happening. And for the record, it's totally normal to get emotional over it. I've lost track of the number of times I've just let it all out and it didn't happen to me. I know you know this, but you can tell me anything. Don't go down the dark hole again, okay?"
"Trying." A buzzing phone brought all conversing to a halt. Hailey scooped the device off the table and snorted as she read the text aloud.
"Where did you take Jay and did it include food."
"Will," Jay chuckled.
"Come on, let's get both of them a lot of something so he isn't completely mad at us."
…
For the majority of that day it was an ever cyclical occurrence of eating, sleeping, and watching Parks and Rec. The cycle began with Will and Mouse, the two of them eating a tasting menu worth of food that Jay and Hailey brought back to the room. Since the television only spoke Italian to them, it was Will's Macbook on a chair nestled closely between the two beds, everyone but Jay on their stomach laughing and crying over the hilarity of Pawnee and all its' activity. It wasn't the sight seeing, mega shopping trips, and restaurant tour that most visitors to Florence desire, but for the occupants of that room, this was paradise. After two weeks of trekking across the globe and slowly removing parts of a body at a time, it was everything to just sit and relax and breathe. More then anything, Jay needed this down time. His body so desperately needed this time to recoup before going on an all out chase to recovery. For a few hours, nothing was about medication and surgeries and prothetic legs. This time was about being a human, doing what every person, amputee and non, can and often do.
By mid-afternoon the cabin fever got the best of Hailey and Mouse. While they loved vegging, it was time to stretch their legs. The conversation began as a jog around a park before cultivating into a mini shopping spree and dinner haul. Mouse was down for anything Hailey wanted to do, so the credit card was packed into a pocket. They hated leaving Will and Jay alone, but since Jay was passed out and Will was too exhausted to care, the departure was quick and unmemorable. By season two episode four of the show, both brothers were sound asleep on the bed, heads turned towards each other and both seeming to be in a deep exhale contest. It was hilarious and adorable and quite frankly someone should've recorded it. Their slumber was interrupted by the shoppers' return a few hours later, the stench of fresh pizza waking Jay first. Will shook awake when all were two slices into dinner.
This evening's blood clot medication shot, in the stomach distraction, was Jay begging to leave the room. All those watching him said no, but Jay was obviously not going to have it. They reminded him that he left the room that morning, he came back with that he hadn't seen any of the cities he'd been residing in for the last couple of weeks. Much to their dislike, all got ready for the evening. That idea is a bit of a stretch, since all they did was put on shoes and hoodies to combat the cool evening, but in no time all were cramming into the smallest van ever, still trying to figure out the conundrum of traveling with Jay. It took a couple attempts but they figured it all out. All of them laughed and chatted their way to the secret destination, everyone that is except Jay. He realized this was going to be the only time he saw anything remotely touristy so he decided to inhale all that he saw. He noted the ancient buildings and their consistent colors but varying heights. He watched the people living life: biking, scootering, running, shopping, it was incredible to see how even on the other side of the world life was exactly the same. In getting out of the van he found his first obstacle: cobblestones. Two weeks ago he wouldn't have thought twice about it, but tonight all he could focus on was the changing footing under him. One miscalculation or trip and that was it. Home would be pushed back further, the threat of reentry to a hospital keeping his pace extra slow. The group of four wound their way to a small and quiet park, just steps away from a gelato establishment. This is where we find Jay now, sitting with his leg propped up on a park bench, gently massaging the injection site on his stomach.
"There's no way that still hurts," Will teased while making his way to the bench. Jay looked away from the tree lined perimeter he was daydreaming over, not realizing that he was doing what he was accused of.
"It's a lingering burning."
"Drama queen," Will puffed under his breath. Jay rolled his eyes while accepting Will's second bowl of gelato.
"It's pistachio so I hope you like it." Jay grabbed the spoon, diving in deep without hesitation. It was so much richer, more flavorful then what was back home. With each spoonful Jay couldn't understand how these people weren't overweight. With options like this around, his trimmed body didn't stand a chance.
"You like it," Hailey questioned, she and Mouse making their way to the neighboring bench?
"Oh my word," Jay spoke with a mouth full of food, which made them all chuckle. For the next few minutes it was silence, all of them both eating and people watching. It was just about dusk, the night life of the city coming to life. The families and their nannies had gone home for the day, the younger crowd taking their place. There was music in the air, people laughing or shouting words none of the Americans understood. There was an energy, a life to this small part of the world. It was captivating, tantalizing in every way. More then anything Jay wanted to join in, be that normal person going out for a fun night in the city. But alas, those days were quite behind him, the promise of their return way off into the distance. That one brought him down a bit, his mind going back to the food in front of him. Despite his best efforts to tell himself this was all temporary, it was hard to push the depression off to the side.
"What did you guys get," Jay inquired as he placed his spoon in the now empty bowl?
"Lemon," Will gargled over a bite.
"Salted caramel," Hailey said next.
"Vanilla," Mouse concluded, which made Jay deep belly laugh.
"We're in Italy and you choose the most basic flavor out there?"
"I'm a simple man with simple pleasures."
"Oh yeah, just you're average Joe." Mouse grinned, joyfully scooping out the last bite and exaggerating the final chomp. They all chuckled, enjoying the typical banter between Jay and Mouse. As he looked out at the smiling group, Jay concluded this was the happiest he'd seen all of them this trip. It was so delightful to witness them all relaxed, not worrying and looking at his every move. Tonight was about them, about gathering together. It was almost like that final night of camp, where everyone gathers around the big campfire and shares all they experienced and learned over those summer months. While there may not have been a fire in the center, it was apparent that all had changed. One's change was quite obvious, but for the rest it was in the subtle things. For Hailey she'd grown closer to Will and close with Mouse. Two weeks ago she hadn't ever heard the name Mouse, now tonight she was laughing off of his shoulder, like two long time friends. Will's growth was in his ever unwavering love and support for Jay, just thinking what he'd done for him was proof of that. And for Jay and Mouse, it was that they grew that much closer, if that was even a possibility. They reunited, were victorious, suffered and were heartbroken before being separated and reunited sometime later. It was an adventure, one some people wouldn't have wanted to go on, but definitely one Jay would be grateful for at some point.
"Ready to go back, man" Mouse spoke into Jay's mind, almost like he was reading his next thought. The adventure was coming to a close for the second attempt and this time Jay was really ready for it.
"Yeah…kind of. Not sure what the other end now holds, but it can't be worse then what we've all gone through." That one earned nods, each of them wholeheartedly agreeing.
"Well, you know what this sendoff needs?" Mouse slowly pulled his phone out, chuckling as he scrolled for his item.
"Oh no…"
"Oh yes."
"We're in public, Mouse."
"Oh like that's ever stopped me." It took the timespan of the first piano chords for Jay to groan, pleading with Mouse to stop as he stood up from his seat and began belting the tune.
"Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her haaaiiiiirrrrr."
"Oh God, make it stop," Jay begged, Hailey smiling wide as she stood up, totally embracing the moment Mouse had created.
"She acts like summer and walks like rain reminds me that there's a time to change," Hailey butted in, taking Mouse's hand and the two of them dancing in step and in a circle. Meanwhile Will had pulled his phone out, recording the moment while egging Jay to chime in. People were stopping to witness the moment, Jay more horrified as the off key duo kept going.
"Tell me, did you sail across the sun? Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded," everyone but Jay sang, the person in question with his hands over his ears while asking them to stop. Will still singing switched the video from Mouse and Hailey to Jay and then back again. For the duration of the song this is how things went, all of them torturing Jay while he eventually laughed at them all. Looking back they'd realize this was Jay's first real time out in the world as an amputee. Watching the video way down the road, they'd come to the conclusion that Jay had already made that night: it was the end of things. The end of the journey, the time where adventure and exploring had to come to an end. Over the coming weeks reality would hit Jay and the others in many ways, making tonight both an encore and introduction to life. It was poignant of Mouse to choose this song, because eerily it perfectly fit Jay's life. He went away one way, came back to earth, or life, a very different way. Without realizing it, he went out there looking for himself only to come home having to relearn who he was all over again. So as they danced and sang and laughed the night away, Jay found that indeed he was ready to head home. Tell the world, Jay Halstead was coming home a changed man. Whether that change was good or bad remains to be seen for the time being.
So I do apologize for this taking so long to post. It wasn't my intention, but this last week was a difficult one. Medication had to be adjusted and a few doctors visits were necessary, so I really wasn't in a good mental state to write. Things are getting better so hopefully the next chapter will be soon. This next chapter is one that I have super researched for, one that I hope you guys enjoy. Thank you so much for reading!