Chapter 9- The First Night

So I'm really ready for this chapter and I'm not sure why. It's a play forward of things, a true first sign of how Jay is going to adapt to life in Chicago as an amputee. As the title suggests, this chapter will mainly focus on that very first night at home. Plus we're getting some fun brother bonding time. Are you ready? Let's do this.

"Was the sign necessary," Kevin teased, glancing over at Vanessa as she bobbed her head around the crowd of people funneling to the exits. She looked like a little kid awaiting a well loved relative or friend. She was pacing just a tad, internally debating whether to keep the sign raised or lowered to her waist, it was a rather adorable and hilarious sight to say the least.

"Oh leave her be, she's excited to see everyone," Kim lovingly shot back. It was rather close to 10pm, the final passengers of the day exiting a plane and heading for the city to rest. Domestic had been shut down for the day, leaving international flights as the last business to attend to before things truly turned off. It was all of Intelligence and Trudy gathered at the end of the escalator, each trying to be that person to spot their people first. It was a myriad of people with massive bags and the odd instrument carryon. That one never made sense, wondering who these people were that had to take their prized cello or guitar with them to parts unknown. There was the occasional child being dragged by a parent, the jet lag seeming to hit them the hardest. But as the minutes clicked by and the number of people died down, there was that pit of fear in all of them.

"When did Will text you," one would ask the other? A glance at phone's would tell them the same thing, about half an hour ago. What they didn't know, because they hadn't been around him yet, was that everything was slow. Airports are not designed for the handicap so every stair, ramp, and path to the front doors of O'Hare was going to take much longer for those not equipped with the abilities of everyone else. So for another few minutes they stared and bobbed and prayed to see someone from their circle break through the ceiling of the above floor. It was Mouse who emerged first, Trudy dashing over to greet him.

"Welcome home, Mouse," she spoke into his shoulder, surprising him enough that his bags dropped to the ground. Those who knew him met up with Trudy and Mouse, leaving Vanessa to quiet literally run to Hailey and throw herself on the very tired person.

"I missed you SO much," she just about yelled. Hailey replied that she felt the same, laughing before crying against Vanessa's excited and shaking body. The weight of everything fell on both of them at once, both getting what happened on the other side of the globe was still fresh and in need of processing. While it was nice to be home, that word was takin on a whole new meaning for one of them.

"Where are Will and Jay," Adam asked as Hailey and Vanessa calmed down?

"Oh, they're coming. Jay was having some trouble so Will said for us to go ahead."

"Trouble," all nervously asked?

"Sorry, it's nothing major. He's just tired and in some pain. Will wanted to get his meds figured out before going much further." And with perfect timing, just as Hailey finished the final syllable, the Halsteads poked their heads out from the top of the escalator. Jay hadn't noticed the small crowd at the bottom, both brothers in deep conversing to pay attention to what was in front of them. Jay was wearing the same hoodie from the day he was discharged with the addition of shorts and compression workout clothing underneath. He had on the massive backpack that he took out to Afghanistan, probably against Will's blessing based on that was the thing he kept pointing to.

"Yeah, stick them out and step," Will quietly instructed as they reached the bottom, looking up to excited, shocked, uneasy faces. This was the first time they were seeing all of Jay. The one other time he was sitting at a table so from the waist up, things looked fine. But without much warning they were getting the whole picture, this moment being where things truly sunk in. What was announced and updated really did happen over in that other land. There was a pause on both ends of the involved parties. In reality it was one, perhaps two seconds at the most. But to those there it might as well been half a lifetime. They weren't sure what to say or do and Jay was too drained to really give a damn about dealing with people. Once again it was Trudy stepping in to save the moment. Something clicked inside of her, this attitude of acceptance. Certainly Jay was never going to be the same appearance wise, but he was alive and home. That was all she needed in this lifetime.

"I got you," she spoke while embracing him, Will collecting the crutches so Jay could hug back. Her comment meant many things, in the moment being that she wasn't going to let him fall.

"I'm sorry I didn't keep the promise," he spoke back. The tiredness was cascading off of him, the travel and medication seeming to have rid all personality out of him tonight.

"Oh stop, you made it home and that's all that matters." There was a shake about him, not one that was nervous but more like weakness. It was an new thing for all of them. Jay, this pillar of strength and ability to do all was not any of those things right now. One by one the remaining people gathered with Jay, Trudy always there to act as a balance. They said their thing and hugged out there hugs, but there was this slight hesitation and caution around him. Jay hated it, strongly disliked that they were nervous around him. Like he was this fragile piece of art that couldn't be touched.

"Can you guys just chill. There isn't anything you can do that will make this worse. The blast and two surgeries took care of that," is what he really wanted to say. But instead he just bottled it all up, did his best to smile as they all reunited with him. He was fully aware he sounded like a complete jerk, they all were experiencing what Jay had already been through. Perhaps in the daylight things wouldn't be so terrible.

"How was the flight?"

"All three were good. We did a lot of walking around between flights but there weren't any issues."

"Good! So we've got the car running and food inside. Welcome back to freezing weather, guys," Voight spoke, being the first to head towards the van in the hopes the rest would follow. Every Intelligence member except for Jay took off first, leaving Will to get Jay re-situated with Trudy and Mouse waiting for them.

"We're going to have to raise the leg and ice it when we get home," Will spoke.

"Why? It's not hurting as bad as it did on the plane."

"Dude look at it, it's super swollen and the reason it doesn't hurt is because you're on a lot of stuff right now." Jay shrugged, not wanting to verbalize that Will was right, but he was. Along the way Trudy took on this maternal role that she rarely showed to the world. It was rather strange yet adorable and Jay was beyond touched by it. He was her person and he wasn't himself right now. Foregoing ranks and rules she became that mother role for the time being. Apart from everything else, it became her mission to make him feel better and at home. She asked so many questions about how Jay was adjusting, medication, and future recovery plans. It was the things people don't typically ask, Jay soaking it all up. He loved just speaking, not being coddled or fussed over. But oh how this moment meant so much to her. Up till now everything was over text or phone, so it was very hard to picture what was going on with Jay. So while these initial days were going to be awkward for all parties, to see Jay moving, to feel him and listen to him speak from a couple feet away was doing wonders.

It was at the van that Jay noticed the other people waiting further down the sidewalk. With it being so late it was odd that anyone would be standing outside waiting for someone. Jay was about to ask if they were part of the crew when he saw Mouse wave at them. It all clicked. The texts the second they landed, the looks over to make sure no one saw, the quiet talk with Will: Mouse was leaving.

"Parents," Jay asked Mouse? He was never one to dance around things, best to just get to the heart of it.

"Yeah, I'm going home for awhile. I haven't seen them in forever. Sorry man, I didn't want to upset you or take away from things." Jay rolled his eyes, smacking Mouse on the shoulder before speaking.

"Mouse, you don't have to tip toe around me. I'll be fine. And don't feel bad at all." Mouse nodded, digging into his pants pocket and rummaging for something. A couple seconds later he pulled out the tags, Jay suddenly on the verge of tears.

"I….uuuummm….I don't think I can return those anymore." He was looking to the Heavens, desperately doing his best to not let the tears fall.

"The deal was until we saw each other again. Just because we won't see each other over there anymore doesn't mean we won't meet again. C'mon." Mouse kept his hand extended, Jay reluctantly accepting the tags. To him it was breaking of the rules, not liking that they now had to bend things on his behalf. He massaged the tags in his hand, Mouse clearing his throat with hand still extended.

"Hey Will can you.."

"Of course," Will shot back, unzipping the backpack and locating the dog tags. Mouse took them, 'put them over his neck for safe keeping,' he told to the two of them. Mouse and Jay embraced each other in a hug, just standing there and waiting for one of them to speak.

"Thanks again for this, Mouse."

"What? Why are you thanking me? This is all my fault. I'm the reason you're at this point." Jay groaned, pulling away and wanting to seriously punch his long-time friend.

"Mouse, in no way is this your fault. I said yes. I'm the one that ran after those people. I know that you won't stop blaming yourself, but just know that I'm not in any way." Mouse didn't make eye contact, just nodded and started walking backwards.

"Do whatever Will says to do," was his final message.

"Don't blame yourself," Jay shot back, both realizing they probably weren't going to obey the final messages. Jay stood in place till he saw Mouse hug both parents, silently loving that long awaited moment. This felt like the end of a great movie, where the two characters part with the hopes of seeing each other again. They'd been through so much, had experienced all this life had to offer. Just like that their time had come to an end. It was bittersweet to say the least.

"Can we get inside? It's freezing and I don't know how you're not freezing," Will said. A final second of staring, the last wave, and Jay turned back towards his ride. Homeward bound, how strange that feeling now was.

"We got Shake Shack," Adam exclaimed!

"Will said you were craving burgers so help yourself." Jay had downed one before the van exited the airport's series of lanes and ramps.

…

Pulling up to the apartment was a quiet, strange, just overall an unexpectedly weird situation. Jay's place was the last stop, most of them being dropped off at the district parking lot. That was definitely not something Jay was ready for, his rather unusual silence solidifying that work was an area not to be touched at this time. One by one they all filed out, wishing Jay well and hopes to see him soon. It was like he was going away for a long time, each person slowly realizing that the reunion was short lived. The likelihood of Jay coming back to work and being in Intelligence was either quite along ways off or not going to happen at all. It was a series of last looks, those final glances of hope and good before things turned bad. Was there something they all knew that he didn't? Did everyone have some secret plan? Those would be answered in due time, right now let's return to the apartment.

The front of the building was dark, which was expected given the time of night and the weather. They all had been spoiled from their trip overseas. Gone was the mild, spring like weather, a harsh whipping blast of wind slapped them as Will and Jay got out. They loved being home, but oh how it was a shock going right back into winter. Jay was just about sound asleep, eyelids beyond heavy as Will collected their bags and ushered him to the sidewalk. Voight was in the driver's seat, watching with helpless eyes as Jay slowly made his way inside the warm confines of the building.

"Are you staying with him tonight," he asked Will just before the door shut?

"Yeah, he's gunna need some help getting around the next couple of days. I start work on Monday so until then we'll be hanging out here."

"Call if you guys need anything." There was definitely a tone of sadness in his voice, a hurt for one of his people. They all wanted to fix things, wave a magic wand and all was right again. But this wasn't a Disney movie and limbs don't grow back. All they could do was be there if and when their time arrived.

"Sorry he was so subdued tonight."

"Will, he's going through a lot and I'm sure none of this is easy for him. I think we'd be more worried if he came back unchanged." Will nodded, glancing to the front door and sighing as Jay stood there glaring at him. A slam of the door and wave to Voight before Will turned for home.

"I'm freezing," Jay shot under his breath, shivering as Will freed a hand to open the door.

"Same." The lobby was empty, Jay rather thankful for that. This time of year most people weren't venturing out of their places. It was cold, they were over the multiple layers, and quite depressed when snow fell. The elevator chimed like it was a gong at a race, Jay in his tired state jumping at the sound and quick opening of the doors. Using Will as a resting post Jay just about fell asleep during the three story ride to the apartment. It was Will's slight movement that had him collecting himself, offering to take a backpack to which Will scoffed.

It felt like going down memory lane, like walking through a life that was made for television and not his own story. The walk from the elevator to front door was quiet yet loud to him. He didn't know this place anymore, felt to be walking in on something that had long since moved on. In a way he was breaking into a place, lacking a sense of ownership or attachment. There was a small banner above the door that read 'welcome home' with a few dozen hearts, well wishes, and various drawings of food. Will was touched, Jay thought it was humorous more then anything. Will went through Jay's keys and found the apartment one, jiggling the device in the slot before the two of them heard the click of a lock releasing.

"Ready?" Jay nodded, massaging his right temple as Will slowly creaked the door open. It was here that he realized someone had broken into the place and he was fine with it. Once the two of them were inside Will plopped everything down and flipped a light switch, revealing the biggest card, set of flowers, and balloons either of them had ever seen. The whole display filled up the entirety of the living room, the couch and chairs and TV and flooring nowhere to be seen due to the magnitude of things.

"Holy cow," Will whispered as he ventured further into the place, finding more evidence of people and their well wishes.

"How did they even get in," Will called from down the hall?

"Super knows all of them. I'm sure they talked their way in." What Will failed to notice, and understandably so, was that Jay hadn't moved. He stood right at the epicenter of the kitchen, living room and foyer, looking for some hint of him. The place had that weird smell you sense when you leave home for awhile and then come back. It was not him, forcing him to wonder if he always smelled this musty and old. It wasn't that he'd had some memory lapse and forgotten where he lived, but none of this felt like him anymore. Glancing at the kitchen reminded him that food prep was never going to be how it once was. Those cabinets he used to jump to open would have to be emptied and its' items thrown elsewhere. The washer and dryer that were once stacked in their place would have to be rearranged, and let's not get started on the bar stools nestled up to the high counter top. He hadn't tried getting up into a seat at this point and figured that wasn't going to happen for quite some time, if at all.

From there his eyes roved to the living room. Out of all the rooms this one was going to have the least amount of changes. Sure the furniture would have to be rearranged so he could move around, but for the most part it looked amputee approved. The more he looked around the less he cared about the place. The things in here began to feel stupid and not necessary. Again, he felt to be looking at another life, which in a way he was.

"Hey, let's get you towards the bedroom," Will quietly interrupted. Jay didn't realize Will had been calling him the last couple seconds. He was daydreaming, praying for something to click. Right now this all felt so backwards and wrong and something he'd never be comfortable with.

"Why don't you just sit on the couch and I figure things out," Jay suggested.

"Not tonight. Come on, you just got home. We can start to talking logistics and stuff in the morning. We both need some sleep tonight."

"Where are you staying?"

"In the guest room silly." Somehow Jay had completely forgotten he lived in a two bedroom apartment, further proof that he wasn't feeling the place at the moment. There was a sigh from Jay as he made his way into the bedroom. The bed was about waist high, something he never thought about but now feared.

"What?"

"I can't get in bed."

"Yeah, you definitely still can. Here, just turn your back and then use your arms to push yourself up. It's going to be weird at first but it'll be second nature in a couple days." Jay kicked off the one slide and took satisfaction in it hitting against the wall. Will collected the crutches and rested them against the wall as Jay held onto the bed. Will picked the opposite side and instructed Jay on how to get on. There was a brief moment of feeling stuck, but in no time both were on and silent. One task down, so many still to go.

"This doesn't feel right."

"What?"

"None of this feels like home." Will sighed, figuring this would come out at some point.

"It's very normal to feel that way. Everything is going to have to be tweaked and recalculated and I don't say that to scare you. At this stage of the game it all feels super daunting and unfamiliar but I promise that will change. Tonight let's just focus on sleeping. Deal?" Jay wanted to protest, argue that none of this would ever feel normal, but the energy just wasn't in him. He nodded as Will got up and headed for the closet, the sound of rummaging and crashing coming from the room. A few moments later he emerged with clothing in hand.

"Can you do this on your own?"

"Yeah."

"See? We've already made progress. You change and I'll get ice and a flatter pillow from the living room." Balloons bounced off one another as Will ventured into the jungle of well wishes. While it was just a pair of workout shorts and a t-shirt and one sock, Jay found himself struggling with things. No one tells you how hard it is to balance on one leg as you pull clothing on and off. There isn't some five step plan on how to remove and reapply clothing to a body that doesn't have one of its' extremities. The top half of him was just how it was before, but it was the pants that had him borderline frustrated. He didn't want to get back on the floor and apply clothing how he did at the hospital, so he found himself in this weird hopping pattern. The compression pants and shorts he traveled in were pulled down as far as they could go before Jay had to lift himself high enough to pull them past his ass, which is much easier said then done. Landing the hop sent pain rippling up his leg, not to mention Jay swore his left toes were clenching so hard they were contracting into his foot. That phantom pain was a new one, started developing at one of the airports.

Will was plinking ice cubes into the bag as Jay lay flat on the bed, breathing in and out of his as the pain swelled before stabilizing at a barely functioning level. From here things were fine, just throwing on shorts and a sock and relaxing onto the pillows, or so one would think. Jay first applied the sock before the pants, still uneasy at how far up the right leg clothing had to travel before his left leg freaked out over sensation. The lightbulb went off in his mind that he still had a knee. Jay pulled the shorts to just past his knee and began to stand on said right knee. This was the first time he got to witness just how far past the knee the left leg was. Four inches may not be much, but to him it might as well been a foot. He was waiting for his left leg to drop down because that's exactly how it felt. He swore his left leg was tucked behind him and glued at the knee. But the leg never went straight, the sensation just another layer of the phantom pain. The bed wasn't helping in the least, Jay shaking and jostling as he put weight on his left hand and right knee, hoping to counterbalance long enough to yank the shorts up. He made it to the butt before losing balance and telling himself to fall right.

"Oh whoa, hold on," Will cried, dropping the ice bag and pillow and glass of water on the bedside table and helping Jay get realigned.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I almost had it."

"Oh really, so you falling over was part of the plan?" Jay stubbornly nodded, refusing to let his brother win everything. Once clothing was completely on Will assisted in getting Jay situated. Covers were pulled back and pillow placed properly on the left side before Jay relaxed back.

"Yeah, that's pretty swollen," Will inspected.

"Really?"

"Compare it to your right leg." Jay agreed, the residual limb was at least twenty, thirty percent larger then its' right side counterpart.

"This is even on the medication?"

"Yeah man, this is why we're saying you have to take it easy for awhile. Your body is definitely still adjusting and healing. You've got to give it a break. Speaking of…" Will raised the final box of the blood clot medication.

"We have to do this tonight?"

"Yeah, it's been just over twenty-four hours since we took off from Florence."

"Fine. Just make it quick," Jay said while lifting his shirt. Will was speedy to dab the alcohol pad on the injection sight and de-box the syringe.

"Glad you're home?"

"Not sure. It's not connecting that's for sure. And oh that burning is never going to get better." Will smirked, proud for the millionth time that his tricked worked. Before long a normal band-aid was taped over the small bleeding spot, Jay gently placing a hand on the site.

"That was the last one."

"Hopefully."

"Oh stop. Do you need anymore meds?"

"The nerve stuff wouldn't be bad. Don't forget the last night there I kept having pain while I was sleeping." Will dosed out the medication, handed off the glass of water, before making sure Jay was comfortable for the night. Once that was done it was time to part ways, which was sad in some way.

"Get some sleep. If you wake up in the night just yell." Jay nodded, closing his eyes as the narcotic began doing its' thing.

"Good night, Jay. Glad you're home."

"Thanks for everything," Jay replied right before the drugs fully took him under. He was a sight to behold but one Will was incredibly proud of and excited for.

…

Left. Right. Left. Right. Breathe in. Breathe out. Up. Down. Check watch. Repeat. It was that glorious morning when all was perfect in the world. The run was sensational and the atmosphere primed for pristine times ahead. It was just him in the endless sandy abyss. Everywhere he looked it was nothing but tan and blue. There was a gentle breeze, absolute silence surrounding him. It was isolation but in a perfect way. There weren't any distractions and zero limitations between him and the best run of his life. It wasn't his body that eventually told him to stop, but his mind just wanting a quick breather. Doubling over to his knees made him chuckle, the different colored laces. Curses to him for picking white instead of neon green because now he looked ridiculous. A quick marvel at his shaking yet toned calves put a hint of pride in his being. He worked hard, incredibly hard to be in this position. Seeing the fruits of his labor made him want to push that much more.

Off in the distance there was a shrill cry, a voice calling for help over and over again. He rose from his crouch and looked around, the sound becoming more desperate and boisterous each time it rang out. He spun round and round yet never finding the source of the noise. Without an endpoint he took off in a supposed direction of the crier. He'd take a handful of strides before pausing, noting the change of direction of the sound. This back and forth game went on for countless rotations, Jay becoming more annoyed and concerned with every return to the starting point.

"Where are you," he yelled into the empty world! He spun around in place three, four times until what plopped right in front of him made him cease.

"Jay."

"Mom?!" He rubbed his eyes, not believing the person in front of him. She was just as stunning and vibrant and alive as he remembered her way back in those days. Not a drop of sickness was on her. She was the vision of his childhood, the pillar of strength and comfort that he recalled.

"Come here." It was too good to be true, this could not be that easy. The two of them locked eyes, trying to verify that this was real and very much happening. It was mom who budged first, taking a single step in his direction. That was all Jay needed. Left. Right. Left. Right. And then something clicked, a revving sound like a stout force was about to blast off. There was a surface under him, one that was smooth yet felt weighted, as if it was holding a surprise underneath it's head. Things froze, both people figuring out what was coming next. Jay blinked, his mom gave an apologetic smile, and then the whole body tensed and shook from the brunt strength of the surprise.

"Dammit!" Jay was upright and rubbing his eyes before he realized what he was doing. His body body was sweating, shaking, clearly coming down from a bad nightmare. There was no way he was going to be able to go back to sleep after that. Out of all the events and people in his life recently, his mother was the very last person he'd have thought to have seen in a dream. This is where things become very deep and philosophical. Was he subconsciously missing her? Of course, everyday he wished she was a phone call away or a quick drive over to the family house. Then his racing mind drifted to her communicating through dreams. Was this her attempt at letting him know that she knew? Why did she smile? Why did she tell him to come when she knew what lay between the two of them? His ever racing mind convinced himself that she was sad or disappointed in what had happened to him. It all was racing, Jay suddenly feeling to be treading water in his thoughts. There was no sleep in his future, the insomnia that was there over two weeks ago was definitely back and making up for lost time. Just when he thought he couldn't hate being home more.

Rolling to his left Jay was soon sitting up and near the edge of the bed. He went through the checklist that semi-worked for past situations like this. His mind first went to food, a bowl of cereal and pointless TV could be an excellent starting point. As if on cue his stomach growled, approving the idea of filling it back up. Swimming through the mental murk, that was what he decided to do. Now perhaps what happened next came as a result of the racing mind or the coming down from the dream or just a complete slip of the mind. But in all honesty it was most likely a combination of all of the above. Because Jay stood up, went to take a step towards the bedroom door, but instead received the worst jolt of pain he'd experienced up to this point. He was standing and then on the floor, his left leg tightening and constricting under him before going completely numb. While the source of the pain may have been quiet, the rest of him wasn't. He heard the high pitched whine of pain, smelled the stench that brought forth the oncoming nausea, could not put together a word he was so bad off. And then, just when he thought it couldn't get worse, his body mercifully took him to the underworld.

Fifteen Minutes Later

He knew some amount of time had passed. He wasn't sure if it was five minutes or six days or two years, but there was a definite time jump between resurfaces. The room was still dark and Jay was most definitely still on the floor. The residual limb was still as numb and immovable as before yet the rest of him seemed to have calmed down, adjusted since the last time. He felt around for something to pull himself up on, finding nothing since he was in the middle of the floor. It was here that he decided to pull up to a sitting position, which his body soon told him was a horrific idea. Those jolts and shockwaves of pain from before rippled through his body once again as he laid himself back to a flat position. He could not move, could not find something to help him, and zero phone nearby to call in the calvary. There was only one option left.

"Will! Will!" He shouted it three, four more times before the sound of a door creaking open broke out down the hall. Jay closed his eyes and stored the energy as the bare feet pounded in a worried speed. Before he was ready the overhead lights cascaded warmth and brightness on him and everything in the room.

"Oh okay. Hang on." He didn't say it, but his voice let Jay know Will was completely freaking out. The worst case scenarios were dancing in his head as he made his way to the floor. In kneeling down to Jay one could smell the fear sweats. Now that Will was freaking out, Jay was trying to keep himself sane.

"What happened?"

"I went to get up for some food and kind of forgot I have one and a half legs." Will didn't take the humorous explanation.

"When did this happen?"

"I don't know. A few minutes ago maybe." Will began his inspection from the head and worked his way down, every few spots stopping and pressing and asking Jay for feedback.

"I think I fell right on the end of the left leg."

"What do you mean you think?"

"It was dark but that's where I felt the pain first and the hardest." Will made it to the left hip and pressed, Jay hissing with pain and slapped Will's hand away.

"And I'm not feeling a pulse. I think you dislocated things. Hang on." Will raced for the bathroom, returning with a hand towel and throwing it on Jay's chest.

"Bite down on that," he instructed while getting into a standing yet bent over position.

"Why?"

"Because this is going to hurt and I don't want you waking the neighbors."

"What are you doing?"

"You don't have a pulse in your hip which means you aren't getting blood flow to the left leg. I have to get things back in place or you're looking at a bad situation. Ready?" Jay groaned and nodded as he balled up the hand towel and pushed it in his mouth.

"1…2…" And then the electricity shockwave went all over. This was the first time anyone had touched his leg that far up, at least while he was conscious; so that was weird enough. But the lightness and ease of it freely moving around the joint properly freaked Jay out. It was encompassing pain and then freedom, air rushing back into his lungs and relief cooling the burn of the pain. Will was back on the floor, one hand on Jay's chest and the other on the left hip as the two of them collected themselves.

"I still can't feel anything." "What?! What does that mean?"

"Either I didn't put it in right or something is still wrong. Let's go, I'm taking you to Med."

"Will, no I'm sure everything is fine.."

"-No way. We're going. At the very minimum you need an ultrasound and x-ray before we figure out what's going on." This was not the welcome home party he envisioned, nor did he see himself returning to a hospital so soon after the other hospital stints. But something clicked, some word or feeling told him he had to obey. He was in new territory, just starting to feel the weight of falling on a still healing limb. When both were ready Will got Jay back to the side of the bed, slipping on a slide and longer pants and a zip-up hoodie before running down to collect the car. It was 3am now so traffic and people were thankfully non-existent. It was the sorest, slowest walk to the truck, but Jay made it without falling or pausing for too long.

"You're sure this is necessary," he asked as Will climbed into the driver's seat.

"Yeah. I don't want to freak you out but falling is so not good, especially right now."

"Mission accomplished," Jay spoke as they pulled into the road. The twenty minute drive to Med had Jay mentally accepting that things were about to get much shorter and more annoying then ever.

…

Somewhere between the apartment and Med Jay developed this deep resentment for being touched. Perhaps it had to do with the growing thumping of pain on his left side, or the realization that he really was on his way back to a hospital, but pulling up to the ED bay and helping him out was a task. April and another nurse were there, requested by Will, and they smiled at the two of them before opening the passenger side door. April was the first to reach out and help, but was swatted away by Jay as he turned himself towards the ground.

"Jay, let them help," Will asked but Jay refused, gripping the passenger side door handle as his foot touched the ground. Will put the truck in park, getting out and rounding the other side to help Jay sit in the wheelchair. Will mouthed an apology and both the women got it. The four of them briskly made their way through the ED doors and waiting room before breaching the ED itself. Maggie didn't bat an eye at Jay, just pointed to an available trauma room and began typing for a doctor and nurse to assist Will.

"Put this on," Will told Jay after he was seated on the gurney. The hospital gown was thrown his way and Jay just shook his head.

"I don't want to be admitted."

"You won't, I promise. Just put it on." With great hatred Jay did as was told, one by one handing clothing off before throwing the evil hospital attire on himself.

"Underwear too?"

"No, it's fine." April returned to the picture, half smirking and nodding as she made her way to the bed.

"What brought you guys in tonight?"

"Fell out of bed," Will answered as April took Jay's temperature, tested reflexes, and did the standard concussion protocol. Apparently Will also alerted them of Jay passing out.

"So you've been a couple places," April commented at the collection of hospital tags still on Jay's wrists. He just nodded, watching as a Med band was placed on the less cluttered wrist. He held it up for Will to see with a disgusted face.

"It doesn't mean you're being admitted. C'mon you know everyone that comes into the ED gets one."

"Is Ethan available tonight," Jay asked?

"Yeah, he's here. I don't know if he's with a patient but I can find out."

"I want him." April looked to Will who nodded. Ethan was the only one that had seen things like this before. He would be the only one that wouldn't ask Jay a million silly questions or be gentle around him. They got what Jay meant from the request, neither wanting to make things more uncomfortable then they already were.

"Definitely. I'll let him know you're here. You two sit tight."

"Thanks, April," Will spoke as she left the room, finding a stool and sitting on it.

"You've got to chill, man."

"I'm tired and hungry and not wanting to be here at all."

"I'm pretty sure your attitude only has to do with that last part." Jay rolled his eyes, allowing Will that small victory of deception.

"No surgery, no admittance."

"If, and I mean IF, you need surgery it certainly won't be tonight. We're just getting a couple scans and stuff and we'll be out of here. Nothing invasive I swear."

"Fine." The curtained off wall was flung open, Ethan Choi standing in the doorway. He waved to Jay and gave Will a quick 'welcome home hug' before turning to the patient in the bed.

"How many days post-op?"

"About seventeen days from the initial below the knee amputation, right at two weeks from the above the knee operation."

"Okay, what medications are you taking at the moment?" Will gave the full run down, each name more jumbled and ridiculous then the last. Hearing all that he was taking made Jay uneasy, shocked he was surviving on that much. Ethan pointed to the residual limb before speaking.

"May I?" Jay nodded, throwing the blanket off the left side and closing his eyes as the unknown hands felt around.

"Why don't they have you in a sleeve yet?"

"They said to keep things wrapped up for the flight over before switching off."

"Well, it's not bad that you don't have one yet, but ideally you should have one now. It's the best thing to help shape for a prosthetic and will help with the swelling and pain and muscle spasms you've been having."

"How often do you have to wear it?"

"For right now all the time except for showering, that's when you'd then use the water resistant one. As things die down and you're further along in the recovery process you'll be able to take it off for a few hours. We'll get one for you before you leave and I'll show you guys how to put it on. It's not that complicated at all. Anyway, back to tonight. Chart says you fell out of bed?"

"It was a complete slip of the mind. I went to get up to get something and totally forgot I'm on one leg. Was on the floor before I realized it."

"Did you hit your head?" Ethan took out a penlight and began waving it around, pointing to it for Jay to follow.

"After I landed on the floor, yeah."

"And we're you ever unconscious."

"Yeah, for a few minutes I think."

"So what did you land on initially?"

"Left leg."

"Okay."

"And dislocated it," Will butted in.

"Alright, here's the game plan. We're going to do an ultrasound and x-ray here before sending you up for an MRI. I agree with Will, I don't feel a pulse on the hip but that could be for a number of reasons. After we get everything we'll have a much better picture of what's going on. You do have some bleeding at the base of the wraps so I'm pretty sure you broke a few stitches. Since I'm sure things are still pretty sensitive I can knock you out for the wrapping removal and suturing and you'll wake up to everything being done. Sound good?" Jay nodded, staring up at the ceiling to hide his dislike for things.

"Perfect. Sit tight I'll be back in a second with the ultrasound and x-ray."

"See? Nothing too bad."

"Easy for you to say." As promised, Ethan returned with a slew of medical devices and April to assist. The first step was the ultrasound, which put hands and a wand and gel in a very weird place, but after a couple moments of feeling around for things a positive, joyous sound came across the sound waves: a pulse and a good one at that.

"And there it is," Ethan normally announced. Jay looked over to Will who gave him a thumbs up of praise. So far things were looking good.

"So why not the pulse on the feel?"

"It could be from the overall condition of the residual limb. We have to remember you're going to have swelling and numbness for the next few weeks as nerves and muscle and stuff gets used to everything. So it's not common but certainly a possibility, especially when dislocating this early in the game." Ethan wiped off the gel and tossed the portable ultrasound to April before setting things up for the x-ray. A board was placed under Jay's lower half. Once the machine was perfectly placed above everyone cleared the room, listening to the thing rattle and click before giving the all clear.

"Alignment looks really good. Nice job, Will," Ethan praised as the image came on the screen.

"Thanks." April removed the board before sitting Jay up. An IV kit was placed on the bed and right arm asked for, Jay wanting to refuse so much.

"You said nothing invasive."

"It's for the MRI contrast. Let's be real here that's not invasive."

"We'll have to agree to disagree on that one." Reluctantly Jay allowed April to insert the IV, Jay rather surprised at how little of it he actually felt. Thank you trained hands and lidocaine.

"Do you want Will to come with," Ethan asked as transport for the next leg of the assessment rolled in.

"Sure." By now the numbing of the dislocation was wearing off, walking basically not happening at this point. Relying on Will and Ethan to get him from the gurney to wheelchair was a chore and embarrassing for Jay, but in time he was ready to roll. Along the way it dawned on Jay how normal he felt, fully aware that he was in a hospital. People were still looking at him, the eyes helpless and sad for his situation. But for the first time in this whole new chapter he didn't care. Maybe it was the fact it was a hospital stuffed with people wanting to help him, but he just had this sense of not caring what they thought or saw. As he moved from the wheelchair to MRI table, he had the initial thought of being satisfied. This was him. It wasn't normal and currently not fully functional, but nevertheless it was his body and his life and he was coming to terms with it. The silent, still hour in the MRI tube was an epiphany to say the least.

…

An hour and a half later they all were back down in the ED, receiving nothing but great news from the MRI. With the exception of some swelling about the hip joint and base of the residual limb, everything was looking good. There was excellent blood flow and zero signs of muscle issues at that time. In about a week Jay would have to get another round of scans and x-rays, but so far it appeared Jay had escaped disaster.

"Ready to take a quick nap," Ethan jokingly asked as the suturing tray was rolled in?

"Yeah," Jay replied, a fitting yawn stemming right after. What those in the room didn't know was that it was 5:30am, sunlight just around the corner. Even Will would have to admit to wanting a quick snooze. On top of the fact he was running on a couple hours sleep, both he and Jay were really feeling the jet lag at this point. Their weekend looked to be nothing but sleeping, eating, and TV watching.

"It's not requiring an intubation, right," Jay asked?

"Oh no, it's not that deep of a sedative. You'll be out for half an hour and then another hour before you're truly awake and able to get out of here." Ethan removed the medium sized syringe from the tray, shielding it as Jay turned to face Will.

"Do you need me to hold your hand," Will teased? Jay shook his head, closing one eye as he felt the syringe click into the IV port.

"Have a good rest," Ethan announced when things were halfway in. There was a blink and another blink and a slight chuckle and then it all went limp. This was new for Will, seeing his bother give in to a sedative that easily. All other sedations happened when he was out of the room and down a hall. It was troubling in a way, but he reminded himself that it was all to help Jay and that very soon things would be over.

Once Jay was out, the clock began ticking. Ethan gently lifted the limb and slid a hospital drape under it, methodically and quickly unwrapping the gauze and cloth from the site and dropping it into a waste bag. Out of habit Will squirmed at that step, recalling the level of medication and coaxing Jay had to endure just to get through that step. Whatever drugs he was on right now were working splendidly. Not a single reaction from the sleeping one. With everything exposed Will's inquisitive nature kicked back in. This was the first time he was seeing the handiwork of the Italian wizard. The one other time he had a chance it was for a fleeting moment before Jay suffered a panic attack. So to get this first full inspection of things was both fascinating and saddening.

To the untrained eye it looked just plain awful. Apart from the numerous stitches and marks on the limb the incision themselves were in odd places; some angled or round and working their way up the leg. Of course this was all done for the prosthetic part of the journey down the road, making sure pressure points and nerves were being interfered with. The other part that was rather unsettling was the color and internal bruising and bleeding that was taking place. What happened to Jay was traumatic, obviously, so it is natural to assume the center point of the action would look bad or unwell. The entire bottom of the limb was a dark red, almost black, with what appeared to be blood. It looked like the cells and veins in his leg had burst open and let its' contents drain out wherever it wanted to go. But to the two doctors observing, they knew this was all part of the healing process. Along with the blood looking splotches came the actual black bruises all over and working up to the hip area. Some were from the fall, but most were a result of the two operations. In a way, Will was glad Jay was asleep for this. Because if he was awake he'd be both freaked out over what his body looked like and mad at Will for allowing all that was done to him. One day it would all appear normal and the scars would become thin lines, but today, for lack of a better phrase, it looked like his leg was chopped off and sutured right up.

"Surgeon did a really good job. He's definitely a great candidate for a prosthetic. Shouldn't have too many problems once he gets to that point." As proud as Will was for this continual title, he still was a tad uneasy of the Jay and prosthetic marriage.

"Yeah, and it looks like things are healing well. The swelling and bruising look a little worse then normal but nothing too bad at all." Ethan nodded, waving a finger over two of the incisions and mouthing things.

"Looks like…yeah, about ten stitches broke. Luckily the suturing was excellent so this won't be hard at all to fix." Will took his place back on the stool as Ethan threaded the needle and positioned the magnifier and light in the perfect spot. Jay meanwhile was completely passed out, as if there wasn't a care in the world. With his head turned to one side and an arm draped over his midsection, tiny puffs of air broke through the sealed lips; creating this serene work of sleeping art. Will found himself dozing to the sound of the stillness and breathing, a couple of times leaning forward before catching it.

"How's he handling it," Ethan whispered? Apparently he too saw Will's dozing.

"Good question. I'm not sure. He's had moments where it hits but every time he bottles it back up. I know he hates to show emotion but it's a whole other level. Like he'll disappoint me or Hailey or whoever if he gets mad or cries. But what he doesn't get is that I kind of want that to happen." Ethan nodded, clipping the synthetic thread and starting on another spot.

"How are you dealing with it?"

"Me?" Ethan nodded.

"Yeah, he's your brother. He left completely normal and has come home with a lot of unknowns. That has to be hard."

"I mean, in the beginning I definitely had my moments, but it's getting better. As I see him move around and be in his normal environment, it's helping me adjust."

"Well, in response to his reaction, I've definitely seen a lot of events like what he went through. Some people acted like him, others were in a very deep dark funk for awhile. Just like everything else, everyone handles things differently. I would definitely say keep talking to him, but maintain things as conversational. Leave the therapy sessions for a therapist which by the way, I think would be good for both of you."

"Like couples therapy?" Ethan smirked as he placed the needle back on the tray.

"Hey, that's up to you two. But definitely one on one with someone at the very least. Alright, things are back in place. I'm only going to apply gauze and tape and place it on the base of the limb."

"So no more wrap."

"Nope, that's what the sleeve is for."

"Well he'll be happy for that." Ethan reached over to the tray and retrieved the sleeve. It was a black, stretchy material that was lightweight and breathable. It very much resembled a dri-fit item and something Jay would grow to definitely prefer over every other option. Ethan flipped the sleeve inside out before beginning the demonstration.

"So just like you did with water proof one, start with it inside out. Once you do that, create a dip in it about the size of the base of the limb." Ethan gently pressed the bottom of the sleeve into its' place, rolling it up once before stopping.

"Unlike the water proof sleeve, do NOT push things in. This sleeve is shaping so if you push in he'll get weird lines and misalignment down the road. Instead, stretch the material. This is a size medium so it can handle a lot of stretch before having any issues." Ethan kept moving the sleeve up the leg, showing how to stretch things once he hit a spot. Seconds later all was in place and blankets were gingerly returned over Jay's lower half. At last, the big event of the first night home had come to a calming point.

"I'll turn the lights down in here and close the doors so you two can get some shut eye for awhile. It's a slow night so you'll be fine in here."

"Thanks, Ethan. Seriously I'm glad you were here to help tonight." "Of course. Let me know if you guys need anything. Advice, help, anything." Will nodded through a yawn, waving a single wave to Ethan before the lights dimmed down. Will so much as pushed the stool closer to the gurney and rested his head on the end before entirely falling asleep. Jay woke up about five minutes after Will passed out. The first thing he noted was how much lighter his leg felt, and the air flow he was experiencing for the first time. The second thing that caught his attention was Will and his snoring.

"Will, hey. I'm up so let's get out of here." All that came back was an extra loud exhale. Jay smirked, suddenly realized he was tired. In no time both brothers were sound asleep.

…

Dawn had broken through by the time they pulled out of the ED bay. People were emerging from their hiding places, wearing too many layers for this time of year and looking just as annoyed and over winter as the next person. Because they came in so late at night, this truly felt like the first time they were stepping into the world. Under the cloak of darkness it felt as though they were sneaking in the back door. But now, as the sun shone into the cab of the truck and bounced off the buildings and streets and river and lake, Jay couldn't help but feel to be on display in the middle of his own welcome home parade. It all was so foreign yet familiar, as if he was stepping back into his childhood home after he'd moved out and someone filled the empty places. While he knew it to once be his, there was something hindering him from ownership of things. At this point, memories were all he had.

"I like the sleeve, it feels more normal and not bulky like the wrap," Jay commented, doing his best to stir up things.

"Good! I'm glad you like it since you'll have to wear it the rest of time."

"I suddenly don't mind. Plus it makes things look more natural?! I guess?! I don't know, just more like a leg and not a science experiment." They were stopped at a light so Will shot him a look, it was that blasted apologetic one that Jay had had his fill of. Will's stare was met with frustration from Jay in the form of a huff and eye roll.

"What?"

"I'm really tired of people saying they're sorry or looking at me that way."

"What way?"

"Exactly how you're looking at me now. Like I'm this sad excuse of a human being now. I get that I'm just at the beginning stage of this whole thing, but so far life has been just fine. Is it different and unusual? Hell yes. But I'm dealing with it and I'm coming to terms with it. But oh God how hard it is when everyone just keeps reminding me of how terrible things are." Will turned back to the road, smoothly rolling things back down the road. This was an unexpected twist to the ride home, but one that he was kind of glad was happening.

"Sorry, Jay."

"I swear if there was a word that I could shoot out of existence."

"Hey, try and understand that people aren't really sure how to handle all of this."

"Well they could start with not apologizing. It's not their fault I am this way. And I'm so over people being careful around me. Like if they touch me or say the wrong thing that I'm going to crumble up and die. There's not a whole lot else to do to me."

"Anything else?" Jay looked out the window, realizing they were out of the Loop and traveling to the west side of town, the homeland.

"No, I think that's it for now."

"I'm sorry, Jay. Seriously. I'm genuinely sorry that you're having to go through this. And I'm glad you're telling me this. Doesn't it feel good to let that all out?"

"Sure."

"Sorry." "Will I swear. I may be down a leg but I will kick your ass if you say that again." Will just laughed, totally playing with his brother. This moment of normal conversing was everything.

"Alright, alright. I promise to not use the word anymore. And I'll tell the rest of them to back off on it as well."

"No don't say that. I don't need people pausing or stuttering or worrying whenever they see me."

"I give up. You can't have things both ways." Jay laughed.

"I'll just be subtle and drop it into a conversation," Will concluded as he pulled up to the front door. As if arranged by good luck fairies, the spot closest to the door was available. Jay opened the passenger door as Will handed him the crutches, the two of them meeting at the sidewalk and entering the building together. Unlike the last time, the entrance was packed with people heading into work. It was odd, like they were living in separate worlds. While everyone else was starting their day, the Halsteads were still trying to wrap up the night. There were the stares and looks but overall everyone one was happy, excited to see Jay back home and moving around. Opening the front door was a shock once again, both of them forgetting the incredible balloon and card and flower gesture that was left there.

"I'll clean it up while you're sleeping," Will said.

"I'm fine. I can stay up for a little bit."

"No way. You're coming off a sedative and you need the rest. Let's go. Bed. Now." Like a little kid, Jay took longer then normal to make his way down the hall. Once at the bed Will told him to move all the way to the middle, joking about putting a pillow barrier around but Jay verbally shot that idea down.

"Keep the ice on this time. The bruising is going to be a bitch when you get up," was Will's bedtime farewell. He was at the door and waving, perhaps blowing a kiss, when the pain meds began doing their thing to Jay.

"This is really weird, you tucking me in like some tiny child," Jay spoke through a yawn.

"Oh chill. You need it right now. Have a good sleep and remember you don't have a leg this time." That one Jay laughed at, rubbing his eyes before falling deeper into the pillows.

"Thanks, Will. Love you."

"Same. Go to sleep!" Will made it down the hall and to the living room before not caring about the state of the apartment. Everything would be there when he got up, sleep was of utmost importance at this exact moment. Collapsing onto the couch Will rolled into the back of the piece of furniture and exhaled. He had just closed his eyes when a knock at the front door seemed to shake the whole place.

"Oh Lord what now," Will said to himself as he rose, shuffling extra hard to the next round of raps. The peephole revealed Hailey, rested and refreshed and holding something in her hand.

"Hey! You look like crap. I come bearing coffee before heading into work. Figured you guys might like some." She invited herself in, walking right past Will and talking as loud as ever.

"So how was the first night? Did he sleep alright?"

"SSssssssshhhhhhhhh," Will plastered a finger to his lips, vigorously pointing to the bedroom. Hailey stopped her questioning, looking very clueless as to why Will was behaving the way he was.

"Whisper. He just went to bed." Her eyes went big, offering Will a cup before claiming one for herself.

"What happened?" Will sighed, retuning to his resting spot on the couch, chuckling as he cradled his head in his hands.

"You're going to want to sit down for this one."

Well? Did you guys like it? I'm sorry this was another very lengthy chapter. Next one will be shorter and sweeter, I promise. Thanks for reading!