Chapter 12- Walk A Mile

So this chapter is going to be quick, I swear. Just a little fun piece of Jay walking around before we head off into other things. Let's get going!

"I still can't believe you chose the Lincoln Park Zoo as the first place," Will remarked while pulling the car into a parking spot on the street. It had been three weeks since the initial walk around the rehab place, Jay finally getting the go ahead to take things out into the world. All tweaks and switches had been made and physical therapy was going splendidly. No longer were the crutches needed, balance was still being worked on but is to the point of not falling over.

"It's flat and busy and plenty of benches for us to sit on when you insist," Jay replied back, hand already on the door handle. The antsy behavior was evident when they left, now at full capacity as the two of them got out of the car.

"You need help," Will asked? Jay's response was to throw the door open and bounce out.

"I'll take that as a no," Will muttered under his breath. The act of bounding and moving quickly created a momentary event of pain, but Jay was never going to admit that. There was no gain without a little bit of pain. Oh how he'd come to realize how untrue that was, but that's a story for another time down the road. Right now it's all about walking around the tree lined, weaving, and serene zoo nestled in the northern part of the city. Walking up to the gate things looked to be just fine, all quiet and relaxed like how it was most of the time. Unlike other cities, this zoo didn't attract massive crowds. It doesn't have all the bells and whistles and elaborate amount of animals that other places do in the country. This was definitely a city zoo, selecting animals that could survive in smaller areas and withstand all the weather the city had to offer. So for Jay it was the perfect place to walk around on two legs once again. All was going well till they rounded the main entrance gate and walkway.

Lining one side of the curb were school busses, numerous yellow contraptions that were stuffed with screaming and sticky school kids ready to enjoy a day outside of the classroom. It was that time of year where days had to be filled with some kind of activity, apparently today's was the zoo. For Will the logistics of things were running through his head. The fear of thousands of kids zooming all around Jay would encourage an opportunity for him to fall over or someone to step on things. Furthermore the amount of free space was about to dwindle to shuffling pace, barely enough for him to take those larger, more normal steps that he'd been working weeks on. But for Jay it was more fear then anything else. Despite his time away from the accident and his continued adjustment to things, he hated having people look at him. To the average person now he looked completely normal, until he started walking. Things were still wonky, leaning to one side and not as fluid as they should be. It was getting better, but wasn't where Jay or the PT wanted it. He looked to Will with a sigh and face of giving up, about to turn around and head back to the car.

"Hey, let's go to the bridge and then that awning thing that's next to the pond. It'll take them awhile to get there." Jay perked up a bit, waiting for Will to guide and him a step behind. They blew past the main attractions, forewent the lions and tigers and bears with eyes fixated on the finish line. The further away they got from the big things the quieter life got. Here it was more casual, the residents taking over and going about their day. The occasional dog walker or jogger would wave to them as they crossed paths, but none looked twice at Jay which was everything.

"Can we stop a second," Jay half asked when they were a couple hundred yards away? Will turned around to see Jay doubled over, massaging his thigh and holding his breath.

"Yeah, come over here." He guided Jay to a bench, sitting him down before taking the place to the left.

"What happened, phantom pain?"

"No, it all just tightened up," Jay panted.

"Like muscle?" A nod was the only reply.

"Okay, so just breathe and you might want to fist it. Take you're time we're not in a rush." Will sat and watched minute after minute, listening to Jay do his best hide how much things hurt. He wanted to help but for the first time in forever they were out in public and people would stare if two people were massaging a single leg.

"At some point this isn't going to happen, right," Jay eventually threw out there? Will nodded.

"Yeah, keep in mind your thigh isn't typically supposed to take the brunt of walking. Thus the reason you're only supposed to be doing this for a few hours three to four days a week. You'll get to an everyday point, but right now it's all about building things up just like you would any other workout."

"I miss having a whole leg."

"Yeah, I know." Will patted his brother's back, shrugged before turning back to the world. He didn't need to say how great Jay was doing or the progress he made. He was allowed to feel down about the situation, have those moments of missing the past. It's what he'd been learning over the last several weeks. Happiness, joy, sorrow, grief, anger were all part of the healing process. It wasn't that Jay wasn't accepting things, it was him finding that way to move on. And speaking of, the person in question rose from the bench and started walking around in place.

"Better?"

"Nothing Advil won't fix when we get back to the car." Will agreed, rising and now allowing Jay to take the lead. The rest of the way to the awning was uneventful, the two of them trekking across the bridge and winding their way through the paths to the empty structure. Here is a beautiful snapshot of the city, the park portion of Lincoln Park in the forefront with Lake Shore Drive snaking along the shoreline, the towering and majestic buildings painting the background with the sky rounding things out. Today was a stunning, warm spring day, not a cloud in the sky and an ever present gentle breeze rustling things. It wasn't too hot or too cold, things that very rare perfection. The two brothers stood in the middle of the awning and stared for a time, taking in the beautiful nature of Chicago and appreciating that the two of them were standing shoulder to shoulder, enjoying life and all its' offerings.

"I need to see how you normally walk and then I'll try to copy," Jay spoke, breaking up the silent moment. Will chuckled, looked rather perplexed before obliging to Jay's request.

"Start where," he asked.

"Just at one end and go to the other." Will started at the end closest to the walkway, doing his best impression of a runway walk to the other side. It's weird, having to walk with people watching. You're suddenly very self conscious of everything. From the gait to how you're placing you feet and swinging arms, it all is dancing in your head, creating this very strange look to the outside world.

"Just relax and go normal," Jay shot when Will was about halfway down, laughing as he did his best to obey. Upon reaching the end he spun around, pointing to Jay and speaking.

"Now you do the humiliating walk."

"Welcome to my life the last few weeks." It was slower then he liked, but things were moving. He had to keep telling himself to lift his left leg higher then he normally thought, something the PT had to keep reminding him. He was shifting all weight to one side still, having the right leg be dominant with the left seriously limping. It did appear that he was walking through an injury so if nothing else, that was his driving force in perfecting things. He had to get back to that 50/50 distribution if it was the last thing he did.

"You're definitely lifting better," Will encouraged.

"Just remember to follow through. You hit the ball of the foot and just stop. Remember the swinging, rocking thing. When one stride is done that's when you start the other." Will began his walk once again, pointing out what he was referring to as Jay stared and nodded in agreement. This walk dance went on for several more intervals, each time Jay getting a hair faster and more balanced. At the half hour mark he was doing the best yet, smiling from ear to ear as Will praised how normal his walk was. Jay walking to the side of the awning and sitting was the cue that things were done for the day, a bit of exhaustion on him as he spoke.

"That actually felt good at the end. Didn't hurt quite as bad as earlier."

"Good! See, things will get better and feel more normal."

"Yeah, eventually. But the phantom pain is bad."

"Do you have the pain meds on you?" Jay shook his head.

"They're in the car with the Advil." Will looked up from Jay to their location, searching for somewhere to pull the car around. It was too far for Jay to go back, knowing how quickly the pain makes things unbearable. This stage of things was a bit of a double edge sword. While Jay was finally gaining independence again and walking, the down side was that the brain was going through things once again. It too was now seeing two feet and trying to figure out how it couldn't feel all the way down. Despite the nerves calming down at the base of the leg, things were firing all over again, desperately trying to reconnect with something that wasn't there. This was a very common situation for amputees, especially for those that have the backstory like Jay's. It was a process and one that was painful and wished to be gone. Will found his spot about a football field away. It wasn't a parking spot but somewhere he could quickly pull over and get Jay in. That was the way out and he took it.

"Hey, can you make it over there and wait for me to get the car?" Will pointed to the location, Jay nodding that he was able. It was going to require weaving around things, but he was up for the challenge.

"Do you need me as a crutch or can you get there on your own?"

"I can manage." Stride in stride, the two of them walked up to street level. Will would pester and Jay would bat things off, the two of them doing their typical thing and loving to hate it. Mercifully there was a bench at the location, Will all but shoving Jay on it.

"Don't move and keep rubbing the leg," Will instructed before taking off in a jog. Jay was envious, dying to pick himself up and take off. He missed being able to run for miles on end. He yearned for that ability to be carefree and see the world in that way once again. But instead he found himself here, in this debilitating state with pain seriously holding him back. He hated that more then anything, despised that this far out he was still reliant on so many things. He wanted to be further along then he was, more able and mobile then what he currently was. But it was what it was, he had to keep reminding himself. He'd gotten this far and he was more then able to make more leaps and bounds. Things were at their highest level yet when Will returned.

"Here, swallow," Will coaxed with pills and water in hand. Jay took them without hesitation, gulping through shut eyes. When things got to be too much Will took over the rubbing, Jay cementing hands to his eyes and groaning in frustration.

"I'm sure this looks really stupid," Jay painfully joked.

"Shut up, no one's around," Will shot back. At last things began to kick in, Jay signaling he was alright enough to walk around by attempting to stand. When the first attempt failed Will assisted, offering a hand to balance on. The two of them made their way to the running car, Will doing the cordial thing of holding the door and closing it for Jay as he got situated. Once Will was in they peeled off, trying to make up for the fact they were parked in the wrong place. It was in the turning onto Lake Shore Drive that Jay spoke up.

"Can we stop by the district on the way back?"

"Uh…yeah. Sure! You're sure you're up for it?"

"Yeah, I kind of told them that I'd visit and I haven't yet."

"Okay." Things were quiet once again, Jay taking in the sights as he watched in silent horror as Will did his best to maneuver through rush hour traffic. Clearly the guy didn't travel much this time of day.

"Do you want me to drive," Jay jokingly asked? He'd had enough. He couldn't resist not saying anything anymore.

"No! Plus you can't, remember?" Jay sighed, curses to pain meds.

"So today went well."

"It did! Why do you think it didn't?"

"Because you had to massage my leg, that's why," Jay laughed.

"Dude. Baby steps. No one walks out of a prosthetic place and then walks for miles. You did a whole lot today and you really improved. Seriously. Take pride in that." Before long they pulled up to the front of the district, both watching other kind of rush hour that was taking place. Jay noted the parking lot was missing all Intelligence vehicles, once again keeping things clear for him.

"Do you want me to go in?"

"Sure."

"When do you meet with them again?"

"Next week." Will's eyebrows shot up as Jay got out of the car, not wanting to hear Will's reply.

"Are you ready for that?"

"We'll find out next week," he remarked as he ascended the steps.

…

Unlike the last time Jay stood in this very place at the top of the steps, he wasn't on crutches. Just as promised, he was now standing on two legs essentially. Also unlike the last time, he wasn't alone. Instead of looking around the room he decided to take up the joy of watching Will return to the old job site for the first time in awhile. He too was enamored by the loudness and chaos of the place, slowly shaking his head over how much it all was and how accustomed he'd become to it. He never spoke it but one could feel the emotions bottling up inside. He was empathizing what Jay was probably feeling, understanding the sadness and joy and uncertainty these innocent four walls now housed.

"I don't recall it being so.."

"-Insane?!"

"Yeah, that fits." Jay smirked, slapping Will on the back before the shriek of Trudy Platt rang out again. So much for that invisibility of things.

"You two! What a pleasant surprise!" She was at their side before they could register her joy, hugging both of them without permission, which was totally fine. Will got a quick squeeze while Jay got the full, tight, swinging from side to side hug. It wasn't that she didn't like Will, but Jay was her person so they all got it.

"Told you the next time…" Trudy stepped back and scanned, nodding at the reached the bottom of the left leg.

"You really don't look any different. I mean obviously with shorts that'll be untrue but right now, you look really good. Normal I mean. Is that a bad thing to say?"

"No, it's actually what I've been going for."

"I want to see you walk around. C'mon." Jay looked around the room, noting the depth of people and the very limited walk space that allowed. Trudy and Will picked up on the hesitation rather fast, taking no time to guide him away from the action.

"Let's go in the office and I'll close the door." The sergeant took the brothers to the room, holding it open for both of them and practically thrusting them in there. Once inside she closed and locked the door, shuttering the blinds as Will pushed chairs out of the way. With a clear and quiet runway established, both of them took a seat as Jay found his place at one point of the room.

"What's the pain at," Will asked? Trudy shot a look as Jay replied.

"It's manageable."

"Jay."

"Will. It's fine."

"You don't have to do this today if you can't," Trudy interjected. Jay sighed, rolling his eyes before going against Will's blessing.

"He had a bad phantom pain episode at the park earlier, not too mention a muscle spasm on the way."

"Yet somehow I'm totally fine."

"Yes, which is why you're still limping a bit." Jay was silent after that, allowing Will that small victory.

"Well I'm not an expert but I'd say you're doing very well. To me the walk looks very normal. Not quite like it used to be but very normal. But I guess that's expected since it really isn't your leg?" Will nodded.

"He's having to relearn how to walk on something he can't feel. It's hard enough learning on a new ankle and foot but with the added obstacle of a knee, it's going to make things look off. There is a chance he could walk completely like he did before the accident but so far he's doing really well. PT is really happy with the progress. Now Jay on the other hand…"

"I'm dying to start running," which had Trudy cracking up.

"Yeah that's not happening for awhile," Will concluded. At this point Jay had reached his mild tolerance for things, utilizing the desk as a resting point and planting his butt on it. The room got awkwardly quiet, all of them feeling the truth that was hovering above. Unless things changed, it was here, in this place, that things would be decided. A fate would be given the go-ahead or commissioned to seek life elsewhere. It wasn't something anyone was completely looking forward to.

"So, next week," Jay huffed out. Someone had to say something and he deemed it was him.

"It's just a conversation."

"With a doctor and the higher ups and Voight and you."

"Yes, we're just going to talk." It was obvious that Trudy wasn't going to give them anything, not even a vague direction of things. They all knew the decision was made, it was a matter of how to drop the news. Will took to shifting his weight in the chair while Jay was entranced by the floor. Things were quiet for a handful of seconds.

"Hey, the guys will be back in a few minutes. Want to surprise them?" That one perked up Jay. Standing before everyone else and gingerly heading to the door.

"Pulling up to the back entrance?" Trudy nodded.

"Thanks, Sarge." Once the door was opened the three of them went their ways, Trudy back to her post while Jay guided Will to the location. The two of them walked down the stairs and waited as the palm scanner registered Jay's hand and eventually granted access.

"I've never been back here," Will announced when they were in the tact room.

"Really?" Will shook his head.

"I've been upstairs and in the main lobby and the office, but never down here."

"That I find really hard to believe. Well anyway, there's the room where we keep all weapons and stuff. It's locked unless we have to get in there. That's the infamous cage that Voight uses for people. Here's where we all gather before and after search warrants and raids and other things that require planning and executing."

"You miss this. A lot," Will spoke while watching his brother point things out and skirt his eyes away. The emotions were there but for some reason he tried to play things cool.

"Yeah," squeaked out.

"Hey, don't give up on it."

"What if it's already given up on me?" That one caught Will by surprise, taking his breath as the garage door rattled open. The timing of things was so terrible and perfect. Will watched in silent horror as Jay flipped the switch of honesty to the tone of fake jubilation, observing Jay plaster on the smile as he reunited with his coworkers at work for the first time in months. Will was taken aback at how effortlessly Jay acted, answering all the questions correctly and giving them whatever they wanted out of him. Will hated this moment, despised that these people were doing this to him. He'd just had a breakthrough only watch it slip away and probably never return. Of course they couldn't have known this and it wasn't their fault. But right then Will got what Jay was implying. That despite his best efforts, the job was going to be what broke and gave up. He now understood why Jay was so hesitant to come back. The realization of the memories and fear in the future just about smacked Will in the face. And now for both Halsteads, next week loomed dark and large.

So we're going to have one more semi-small, normal chapter before kicking things off to the other part of this story. Just hang with me guys. I think you'll like how this all turns out. Thank you for reading!