Catherine
A beam of light from the living room illuminated the edge of the bed, blankets in a complete state of disarray. Sara's long leg jutted out from the burgundy sheets, the smooth curve of her hip exposed, face hidden beneath her mess of brunette hair.
The corners of my mouth twitched as I leaned against the doorframe lightly, images from last night playing through my mind. There were so many more desirable ways to wake her up than the alarm set to go off in half an hour, I thought as I raised my steaming mug of coffee to my lips. Unfortunately, she needed sleep and I had an upset daughter to check in on, Rachel waiting for me at the lab.
Reaching out to pull the door shut, the floor boards creaked lightly beneath my foot. She let out a quiet moan of protest, shifting slightly onto her back, burgundy sheets falling away to reveal pale breasts, the soft material sliding off of her hip bone.
I let my eyes trail over her form for a long moment, drinking in the sight of her in this peaceful state. I should get a god damn prize for this I thought with a tired sigh as I mustered up every ounce of self restraint and pulled the door quietly shut.
Tearing a piece of paper off the pad attached to her fridge, I scribbled down a quick note.
Heading into the lab, didn't want to wake you.
Last night was amazing. See you soon.
xo
I took a final glance around the warm apartment, drinking in all the small nuances that were Sara as I tied my dark jacket around myself, abandoning left over coffee in the sink as I headed out.
The air was thick and humid, dampness lingering from last nights storm. Water droplets clung to the birch leaves, damp hedges shining beneath the glow of street lights. Jogging down the cement steps, I felt the stiffness in my muscles protesting, a soft reminder of last night.
I'm not sure how I imagined our first time would go; what exactly I imagined sex with a woman would be like. I knew Sara was far from a novice at this, and our first few encounters had held an electricity that hinted at a passionate intensity once we crossed that line. Despite that, I suppose I held an expectation that it would be gentle and experimental in that clichéd first time sort of way. That's what you got out of waiting, right? Intimacy and muted frenzy.
I hadn't anticipated sex on her couch, or the roughness of her actions deeper in the night, reading my desires with such an attuned sense of accuracy. Maybe it was all of the pent up frustration pouring over, but the feel of her teeth against the sensitive skin of my breast; her fingertips pressing lightly into the base of my throat as she fucked me against the headboard was far from cliché. I felt another smile pulling at my lips as I slipped into my car, not bothering to chastise myself for being so completely undone by her.
She told me she loved me. Not the idea of me, or the concept of getting me in her bed. She had witnessed me at my lowest, my angriest, my cruelest. She had taken the brunt of my frustrations on too many occasions, and still she trusted me with her typically closed up thoughts, with her scars. The white marks across her body had been alarming, but not surprising. I was aware of the blank spaces of her past, the unspoken questions everyone had but never voiced because inherently I think we knew the answers weren't easy. Her scars just confirmed that.
I had my own secrets too, my own uneasy truths. We would get there in time, but for now it only seemed important to make her feel beautiful; make her feel safe. God knows she had been doing that for me for months now.
Despite the exhaustion tugging at the sharp edges of everything, I felt lighter. I felt stronger with this aspect of my life not hanging in some unacknowledged realm of denial and confusion. There were so many unspoken questions and logistical realities to sort though, but those were issues for another time. Right now, I was happy. The rest could wait.
/
Walking in through the large doors of the Rampart with a stride of confidence, I clocked Rhys at the reception desk, flirting with a handsome bartender that had strayed over from the lounge.
"Good morning beautiful" he greeted softly, leaning over the desk to offer me a wide smile. I shot him a grin, nodding towards the dark haired man retreating back towards the restaurant as I wandered over, reaching into the small stained glass bowl on the counter to grab a mint. "Nice one"
He sighed, glancing back over his shoulder longingly. "Beautiful, isn't he? He claims to be straight but he's been over three times tonight and he brought me this". He raised up a strawberry daiquiri, along with a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. I chuckled, squeezing his arm as I turned to go.
Rhys was the only person in this place that I could stand. He held no false airs or ulterior motives, and his typical attire of floral button up shirts and carefully styled white-blonde hair was always a welcome sight after a long night of death and devastation.
"Good night?" he asked as I pressed the button to the elevator.
"Fantastic night" I answered, smile pulling at my lips.
"It shows." I chuckled, sending him a quick wink as the doors opened, moving inside.
Glancing at myself in the myriad of mirrors surrounding me, I was surprised to find my hair falling perfectly over my shoulders, eyes bright despite the effort it was taking to keep them open at all. I ran a hand through my waves, noting a mark beneath my collar bone. I smiled, tracing my fingertips lightly over the bruised flesh before adjusting my jacket to cover any exposed skin.
As the doors opened I started out into the hall, narrowly avoiding a collision with someone. I glanced up, an apology dying on my lips as I was met with Lindsay's panicked gaze.
"Mom" she spoke in surprise, stepping backwards as the elevator doors slid shut. I frowned, noting the subtle eye liner painting her bright eyes, long hair pulled into a loose braid.
"Where do you think you're going? It's 5 in the morning"
A hand came to rest on my hip as she shifted nervously beneath my gaze, adjusting the strap of her bag over a slim shoulder.
"Erica and her brother are picking me up, we're getting breakfast"
"Does Nancy know about this?"
She sighed, crossing her arms as a frown knitted her smooth forehead.
"No, I knew she wouldn't let me go so I left before she woke up"
Perfect. I shook my head in disbelief, scoffing quietly at her recklessness. This seemed to trigger her, eyes narrowing in anger.
"It's Saturday, I'll be with my friends, just please let me live my fucking life"
She made a move towards the elevator which I effectively blocked, grasping her thin arm gently
"Okay first of all, don't speak to me like that" I warned, staring at her until her angry gaze met mine.
"I know this is unfair, Lindsay. I don't want to stop you from living your life, but until it's safe for you to be out there, you can't just be wandering around the city"
She tore her arm out of my grip, anger radiating off of her small frame. I wanted to give her freedom, give her space to find herself at this vital age. It felt foreign and unnatural to keep her caged up, but it was simply our current reality. I could handle her resentment if it kept her safe.
"And what if you never catch him? Are you just going to keep me locked up forever? I'm sick of being watched 24/7" she sighed dramatically, licking her lips as she turned back to me with softer eyes, switching tactics.
"Mom, I will be so careful. I'll stay in public, I won't talk to any serial killers. Promise"
She offered a shy, hopeful smile- relying on her pleading eyes and easy charm. Unfortunately for her I had spent the entirety of my youth implementing that method of persuasion. I was ten steps ahead of her.
"Lindsay…"
"We wanted to have a memorial for Madison" she interjected suddenly, crossing her arms protectively over her chest. I felt my stomach turn, sighing tiredly as I grasped for the right words.
"We just want to be together and remember her" she pressed, playing with the strap of her bag absently. "It's my fault she's dead anyway, it's the least I can do…"
Oh god. I shook my head slowly, reaching out to grasp Lindsay's hand with a gentle sort of determination.
"Sweetheart, look at me" I demanded, waiting till her eyes met mine. "What happened was in no way your fault…"
She tore her hand back, wiping away a tear with the back of her hand before it had a chance to fall, setting her resolved gaze on me tensely.
"Whatever. Can I go?"
I drank in her soft features, the scattering of freckles over her nose becoming more beautiful than childlike. The dark makeup becoming a bit more refined than her initial attempts had been, accentuating her bright eyes. But still there was a childishness behind them; her confident poise more forced than natural. She was still so young.
I wanted to erase everything that had happened over the past few months. Our relationship had seemed so strained before, but in hindsight it was all so beautifully typical. This on the other hand was ground we should never have to be treading. This hate towards me was something I would have to learn to shoulder.
Shaking my head tiredly, I crossed my arms. "You guys can do all of that here"
She scoffed, sending me a seething glare before spinning on a heel and throwing her arms up in defeat
"No, we can't" she hissed, storming back down the hall. I took a breath to steady myself before following after her.
I watched her jam the keycard into the slot as I approached, roughly twisting the handle. Tear lightened eyes shot over to me, skimming over my form briefly before meeting my gaze with a violent sort of anger.
"Where have you been anyway, fucking Liev again?" she shot, jaw tensed.
I opened my mouth, reactionary words burning the tip of my tongue. I managed to bite them back, holding her gaze with a seething resolve.
"Get inside" I hissed, remaining in this stalemate with her for a drawn out moment before she finally broke away, pushing into the dark room.
/
"Two cream, two sugar" Jane announced gently, her voice drawing my head up from it's perch against my palm. I offered a grateful smile as I took the steaming cup from her outstretched hand.
"You sure I can't grab you anything to eat honey?"
I shook my head softly.
"No, I'm good Jane. Thanks"
She gave a nod, holding her warm gaze on me for a lingering moment, concern dancing behind hazel eyes. Reaching out to give my shoulder a gentle squeeze, she turned back to the kitchen.
"If you change your mind, let me know. It's on the house"
I shot her a grateful smile, raising my mug in a show of gratitude before drawing it up to my lips.
The indistinct hum of voices around me was comforting; the clink of dishes, the occasional chime of the bell over the door. I thought about trying to catch the guys on their way off shift, treat them to breakfast. It had been too long and I could have used the distraction, but ultimately I needed to think. Needed to recalibrate after that scene with Lindsay, compose myself before heading into work.
Lost in thought, I didn't notice the figure approaching my booth until the sunlight I had been comfortably basking in was blocked. I glanced up, taken entirely off guard by the translucent green eyes of James O'Riley.
His dark hair was pulled back into a knot, scruffy facial hair replacing the clean look I remembered. His lips pulled up in a half smile, regarding me with a nod.
"Catherine Willows. You're looking as beautiful as ever"
I snorted, looking around as though anyone in here had any concept of how audaciously inappropriate this was.
"You're kidding, right?"
He chuckled, running a hand over his mouth.
"Alright, that's a fair reaction. Look, just hear me out…"
I scoffed. "Did you follow me here?"
"No" he answered immediately, raising his hands in a motion of surrender. "I was heading to the police department, thought I'd grab a coffee on my way since I've experienced the swill you guys offer…"
I frowned, shaking my head lightly in confusion. We had strict orders to keep away from him, there was no way they were bringing him in for any more questioning.
"It might be better to talk to you first. Can I…" he motioned to the empty bench on the opposite side of the table, to which I blew out a stream of breath at the absurdity, gesturing towards it in half hearted acceptance.
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened the last time we crossed paths. I was completely out of line, I don't do well under stress…"
I clenched my jaw, crossing my arms tightly over my chest.
"Is that what you want to talk about? Because I'm not interested" I told him, pulse racing under her penetrative gaze.
"No" he answered eventually, dropping his hands onto the table. "Look, if you think I haven't noticed you guys watching me, harassing my family, you're wrong. I could go complain about it to the police, but that doesn't seem to get me anywhere"
I frowned, wondering what he meant by watching, though I had no doubt that Sara and her reckless obsessions were somehow involved. Sighing, I took a long sip of coffee, waiting for him to continue.
"I don't have anything to offer you guys, but since you seem to think I do, I'd like to talk. Answer whatever questions you have. And then be done, with all of this"
I held his gaze for a lingering moment before scoffing quietly, taking another sip of coffee.
"I'm assuming you either haven't spoken to your lawyer, or you're ignoring her advice"
He smiled, shrugging lightly
"Changing peace making tactics. That one wasn't working so well for me"
I searched his eyes, unnerved by the ease of his charm. It was so difficult to imagine him as the man provoking Sara in an ally. The man swinging punches at me when I pushed him too hard. But therein lay his strengths, his ability to manipulate.
I tapped my fingertips against the porcelain beneath them, running through every possible way this could backfire against us. I had no doubt this was simply more manipulation on his part, but getting him back in the interrogation room couldn't hurt. We could use anything at this point.
I sighed, eyeing him as I slipped my phone out of my purse.
"Ask for Captain Brass when you get to the department. I'll let him know your proposition"
He smiled, giving a gentle nod before sliding out of the booth.
"Great. I'm sure I'll see you later then. Enjoy your coffee"
I waited until he was out of earshot to let out a deep breath, leaning heavily back against the booth. Brass was the safest option while I spoke to the undersheriff about this. Kept Sara calm about this. Worked this out in my own mind. Pushing a hand through my hair, I put the call through, preparing for a fight.