Chapter 17- Epilogue

This is the final chapter of this story and I'm quite sad to say that. When I started this a very long time ago I was convinced this would be the end, that everyone would hate me for what I'd done and vow to never read my work ever again. But I have loved getting to work on this piece, explore things and take everyone on this crazy ride with me. So let's gather together one last time, enjoy our time together before we all go our ways with the hopes of reuniting one day…hopefully soon. Here is the final chapter of The Parts That Make Us Whole.

He could not believe the amount of work that had been done on his behalf. The number of people and the hours and planning that went into this historic moment for him was baffling to think about. He didn't deserve any of it, he was quick to admit to himself. It was just a silly, pie in the sky idea he threw to Will two weeks ago. Will, who never left things alone, called in Mouse who got things ready on that side while Will took care of the details between Chicago and there. Hailey was completely on board, so quick to jump on the trip idea that she was almost giddy. To most, this wouldn't be a fun trip by any stretch of the imagination. But to Jay, Will, Mouse, Hailey and everyone else, this was a one up on the circumstance. That despite what it did to Jay that day, he was going to have the final say.

It didn't begin to sink in until they were sitting at the gate. This trek through security was vastly different from the other time he did this. This time around a thorough pat down had to happen, despite the protesting to TSA that the reason alarms were going off was because of the prosthetic. But apparently that excuse had been used one too many times with them, because against Will's protesting, Jay had to endure the poking and invasion of privacy to just prove the truth. Once they got past that point reality just kept making itself known. The once quick jog through people and walkways was now a gradual yet steady walk, stopping every now and then when things were too real. This early in the reattachment of the prosthetic, setbacks were guaranteed. But for Jay, his goal was to not have any of this right now, but he took whatever he could get. He lavished the seat at the gate, and the early boarding onto the plane. Despite all the downsides to a world that didn't work for him, the easy access to rests and seats was a big plus.

Every step of the way they checked in: when the plane took off, when they landed in London, Afghanistan; whenever a plane left or returned to the ground, eyes were meeting Jay's face which every time swore he was fine. But it was in the reunion with Mouse that things began to sink, how sensitive and drastic things were from that day. The last time they did this life was on an absolute high, and Jay was severely sleep deprived. This time life was on an upward trajectory and Jay was sick of naps, but still the reunion of the best friends was as sweet as all the other times. Mouse extending the dog tags caught Jay by surprise, emotions being swatted away as Jay stared at the tags. Despite all they'd been through, somehow they were still legible and in tact, that part shocking Jay the most. He prayed he'd remembered to bring Mouse's, sighing when he located them and the swap took place. It was that little token, that quick recognition that some things could withstand everything, that despite life's crazy ideas these two would find each other and keep handing their belongings off to trusting hands. The ride out to the first location was a quick one, Jay keeping his eyes glued to the world while Will and Hailey kept their focus on Jay. They were waiting for the explosion of tears, shocked it hadn't happened already, but whenever it did they were going to be there.

"Ready," Mouse asked the staring crowd, all with necks craned to the skies? Jay was the first to look back down, nod as he took that first step forward.

"Let's go," he spoke to Mouse, Will and Hailey hearing that and following behind. Jay's gait was slower then his liking, but that's what happens when you haven't walked on two feet in months. It was only a week ago he finally got the approval to use the prosthetic again, and even then it was on a very limited leash. For example, he'd walk around for one hour one day, take a break the next before being granted permission for two hours. This was the level of slowness he was facing, the assuredness that they weren't going to have a massive clot repeat. The last six months saw him working his way through life on one leg and two crutches. He'd become quite the pro at using them, so much as being able to keep pace with everyone else in step climbing. As much as he hated the carefree life that came with the prosthetic, he made the most of the circumstances he had.

"So here we are," Mouse announced as they all worked their way through the gates and into the now very empty fortress. It was a bit of an analogy for life now. This once lively and active space was a shell of itself, a quiet tomb. You could almost hear the echos of laughter, talking, military life bouncing off these walls. But looking around now at the sand blown, weathered, desolate nature to things, it was hard for those that weren't there to grasp that this was where Jay spent his final days as a non-amputee.

"So over there is where we had that crazy bonfire," Jay teased as he looked over to Mouse.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Mouse shot back.

"That was one of the worst hangovers ever."

"When did that happen," Hailey asked?

"The night before," Jay replied, which brought the mood down for a second.

"I still can't believe that was a year ago yesterday."

"I know."

"Feels like a month ago." Jay broke free from the group, venturing further into the main area of the place. The barracks and meeting room were all where they stood, but were quite empty. Not even the beds and bedding survived. The US military was quite thorough and trained to grab everything. As Jay walked around his mind pointed out things, but in reality none of it was there. It was almost like phantom pain but in a new sense, to him it was so real and in front of his face but to the world it was an empty space.

"So there's where we ate…that's where we all met for meetings…and then the tact room was somewhere over there next to the barracks."

"It's so crazy how empty it is," Hailey remarked, listening to the quiet whine of the occasional wind blown through.

"Nothing can be left behind, a huge potential risk of the enemy finding something to gain advantages."

"Where was your room," Will interrupted.

"I'll show you." Jay lead the way, Hailey grabbing his hand as the two walked in tandem. She saw the slight limp, sensed the stress and knew she had to help out. Jay told everyone to mind the ledge on the floor as they stepped into the barracks, each nodding before hopping over. What shocked Jay the most was how much it still smelled like men, like a high school locker room. That despite the huge amount of time and lack of life and weather this place endured, somehow the smell survived. When the apocalypse came, all that would survive would be cockroaches, twinkies, and this horrific stench.

"So there was Mouse's room. Note how perfectly aligned it is to my door so he could easily throw things."

"Totally planned," Mouse proudly spoke.

"No doubt," Will and Hailey said at the same time.

"And this was my room," Jay said as he opened the door. That was such an eye opener. It was all flooding back: the great sleep he had, the nerves he experienced and many phone calls that went down in this space. If the bed was still here he would flopped on it exactly how he did a year ago. Now he really could see things, almost reach out and touch the computer and desk and bedside table that the door always slammed against. As the rest of them stood in place and attempted to outline a bedroom, Jay went straight for the window and looked up. It wasn't the same stunning, rare day like it was last year, but this one wasn't something to scoff.

"Oh, so over there is part of where I ran. I don't think we can go out there for fear of getting lost.."

"-Or the other option," Mouse cut in. They all didn't need further explanation.

"What is that?" Hailey was pointing to something on the floor. A white, single line that was separated into two pieces, twirled in a corner on the ground close to where the bed was. She walked over and bent down, scooping the mystery item up and turning to face Jay.

"No. No way." He couldn't contain himself, the tears and jolt of emotions right there as clutched the broken shoelace in his hand. There was the tie into today, this day one year ago. Somewhere around this time he was snapping a shoelace, not a clue of what that would mean in the coming hours, weeks, months. It was a surprise token of the old life, almost like a confirmation that that was him and this was now, that he was still the same person just down a shoelace. He didn't expect himself to react like this, but the shock and meaning and weight of all things got him like this. Hailey went in for a hug, the other two guys joining in no time. Not an eye was dry, all were getting why Jay was this way, almost happy and grateful to be doing this. But the best, and worst part was yet to come.

…

"Jay, come on! We've gotta get moving, man. They've cleared the area and I don't think they want to wait." Oh how eerily similar this moment was, Jay hesitating to get in the car because he was too busy looking up. The last time he did this he was saying farewell, that his time was up and he was going back to a life that he knew every aspect of. This time around, it was a mental thank you note, which sounds rather odd considering all that Jay had been through. One would think Jay would hate this place or want it burned to the ground, but to Jay this place was sacred. It was in this walled off space that he took his final steps as his old self, it was here that he felt so at peace and confident in himself. It was here that he celebrated being so in sync with himself, that mind and body and drive were one. What a difference a year makes, how nothing is as it was the last time he did this. But we return to the thank you part.

If nothing else, this little trip back down memory lane solidified how comfortable and accepting and proud of himself he was, for all that he'd done since the last play date in the sandbox. Rare is the story of losing a limb in a terrible accident. But even rarer is to be blown up, dragged all across the Middle East and Europe, come home to uncertainties and impossible mountains to climb, oh and that little clot issue he was still recovering from. It was a lot to digest, a world that he had to enter and learn on the fly. It was never one that he planned or saw himself in, but he was here now and he was okay with that. Because through this new world he found love, peace, determination, family values, all those brave and good qualities that perhaps he never would've tapped into had that accident not happened.

"Jay," Hailey called from the Hum-Vee, reaching over and brushing his hand as a way to pull him in.

"Okay, we can go." Jay knew that this time was the last, that he would make a point of never coming back here. He faced the demons, the worry and fear, but this wasn't going to be a yearly thing. Jay climbed in and closed his door, closing his eyes as the vehicle shifted into gear and headed onward.

"You still doing okay," Will asked when the compound was far behind? Jay had been staring out the window, exactly how he had this time last year. Hailey was already wiping tears away, Will would have to confess he was fighting things, but Jay was the image of stoic. Out of all of them, he figured he'd be the total wreck, but right now he was fine. The worry over phantom pain was turning out to not be a big thing, the biggest pain just from the left leg bearing weight and walking for the first time in six months.

"Yeah," Jay spoke and nodded, still not turning to face them. He just had this feeling that looking at them would be the thing got him worked up. He didn't want that, this was such a big moment and spot in things. He may not have remembered what happened shortly after this, but clear as day he remembers everything leading up to the bomb. He looked down at the broken shoelace in his hand, keeping that tangible thing from his past.

"Hey, whatever happened with that mother and child?"

"What," Mouse barked over the roar of the car?

"Mother! Child! What happened?!"

"Oh, it was a heat stroke! Kid was dehydrated and passed out from that. Last I heard they were both okay." Jay started to laugh, rolling his eyes as he returned to the window. Heat stroke and dehydration, that's what he lost his leg over. Seemed fitting, a drastic aftermath for something so non-life threatening. Ah well, it was what it was.

The car came to a crawl before stopping entirely, Jay looking out the windshield to a group of Hum-Vees and soldiers standing around waiting for something, them specifically. Mouse got out first, telling those in the back to hold up as he went to verify things.

"This is the place," Will asked? Jay could only nod. Forget being an emotionless tough guy, he was trying his best to hold it till they got to the spot. Hailey sniffed before patting Jay's back, all three of them looking out to the place. Between the cars and the place were cones, rocks, markers guiding people where it was safe to walk. Despite all the sweeping and scouring for more explosives, there were just so many it was hard to be one hundred percent sure of things. That would've been so helpful a year ago, but here they were.

Mouse returned a couple minutes later, opening Jay's door before he rested on the door. He was the only one smirking, looking at his friends and being so grateful all of them were still here. A year ago he really wasn't sure if that was going to be true, certainly not coming back here after all of that.

"Everything is marked, things are looking safe. Ready to do this?"

"How do we know this is the exact spot?"

"Military tracks every movement we take, longitude and latitude all the way down to the inches we walk. They weren't tracking Jay, but they were tracking me. So since we all ended up at his spot we just had to measure things. Given a foot or so, this is pretty exact. Jay was the first to get out, turning his body so both feet touched ground at the same time. He swore he saw the mother and child again, everything down to the temperature of the air feeling exactly how it was before. After taking a couple breaths of fresh air, he turned to the car and helped the other two out.

"How's the leg feeling," Will asked as he hit the ground?

"Will."

"Jay, you cannot push it."

"I know, it's uncomfortable but I'll be fine. We can take it off when we get back to the hotel." Will wanted to protest but this really wasn't the place for it. So despite his medical side telling him to act as a human crutch for his brother, Will took a step back and let Jay take control. This was his moment, everything could be handled later.

"I don't remember it being so far away from the road." Jay squinted as his eyes followed the marked trail.

"Yeah, you really took off."

"On a strained calf too." Hailey chuckled at that. Till the very end, he was always going to try having the one up.

"Okay boys and girl, shall we get this going?" Jay sighed before saying something about not recalling something. Once again he took the lead, on his own and a couple steps ahead of the others. Time to meet that crossroad.

It wasn't cursed. The ground did not do this to him. It was evil minded people, human beings trying to harm other human beings that did this to him. When whoever constructed that bomb however long ago they had a flag in mind, not him specifically. It was why he never dwelled on the bomb and its' maker. There was no way of knowing and who knows if the bomb maker was even alive or aware that his masterpiece went off. So as he took step after step, Jay did not think of how terrible and cursed and awful this place was, because it did nothing to him.

What did consume his mind was how poetic that this all happened in a desert. Life is often called the sands of time, that how it is right will not be how it is in a year from now. Life is always changing, shifting, our transformation always comes from a reaction to that. So you can hate something or somewhere forever, but life will move on, shift and reshape itself with or without you. Landscapes, people, everything will never be the same thing forever. Your worries and demons will get swept away by the sandstorms of the world in due time. As Jay stepped on ground that was not here a year ago, this truth kept blinking in his mind. This place was fresh, unblemished by his past life. But after that passed, his life of the last year raced by. The surgeries, the flights, the blood transfusions, the break through pain days, the relearning to walk, the stitches and sleeves he was so accustomed to all began right here.

"Here we are," Jay said to his crowd as the final snapshot of life blinked by: his future.

A moment of silence lasted what felt to be forever. Will and Hailey held each other as they looked on at their person staring at his place and thought of his moment. Mouse was next to them, one arm tucked under his armpit and acted as a shelf for the other hand to grab a lip and yank. They didn't know what to do, none of them had a speech or idea or photographic moment they wanted to capture. This was entirely on Jay, he was driving this whole adventure. When he found himself here last year, he relinquished his power and control to something bigger then himself, free falling with the unspoken hope that he'd come to at some point. Last time he was here he lost something, but today it felt he was getting something back: clarity.

In a way, part of him did die that day. We know that his leg bled and was crushed to death right here, but something else stayed put in this place. Like shedding of old skin, whatever form of Jay Halstead ran after those people stayed right here. He was a new creation, a person coming to himself and still finding out what he could do. Whatever goals and notions and fears and dreams he had right here didn't budge. Those were gone, lost somewhere in the sands of the desert. But what Jay did have was two feet, breath in his lungs, and a fighting spirit. He looked down at his feet, relished that he still had that at the very least. What he wouldn't have considered his even a few months ago was now apart of him. He had two ears, ten finger nails, a pinkie finger and an artificial left leg; it was him, his body. Now that, was a truth he'd never forget. He fought for this, now cherishing what Jay Halstead 2.0 had become. Which brought him to a little, suddenly realized, unfinished business. Stooping to his knee, Jay used a hand to dig a little hole next to the X in the ground, exactly where he landed that day. The shoelace that was still in his hand opened to reveal the white lace once again. Jay moved that hand over the hole, turning it so the shoelace fell into the hole. Sand was patted back down and Jay rose, turning to face his blubbering support system and sighed. He was so thankful for them.

"I don't need it anymore. Past is the past. Leaving it all here. Love you guys." Hailey nodded as she got to him first, the men right behind her and all embracing Jay in a hug for the second time in forty-five minutes. As they hugged Jay looked out into the sandy abyss, feeling the soft, steady ruffling of the wind. Call it a mirage of whatever, but to this day Jay swore he saw his mother exactly as he'd seen her in his recurring dream. However, this time, she was crying, smiling, speaking so that only the two of them could hear. Jay will never forget her words: 'I'm so proud. We'll meet in due time. Don't give up.'

Screen fades to black. End credits roll.