Usagi knew she should have been in bed, but she wasn't. Sleep tonight was an unobtainable dream so she pushed open the door to her house and stepped out onto the sidewalk. Everything was cloaked in darkness, her own home shrouded in shadows so deep she could barely even see it. The moon was swallowed up by the clouds, but its light suddenly burst through, bathing the grass and trees in an ocean of silvery light.

Staring up at the moon, she found memories stirring in her mind, deep and ancient memories that brought tears to her eyes. The palace, beautiful and grand with its great domes and high towers, where she had spent many happy hours wandering the gardens. It felt like that had only been yesterday sometimes.

Tears fell down her cheeks. If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel her friend's presence. Venus running a brush through her hair as they giggled about scandalous stories regarding boys they liked. Her and Mercury studying together (somehow, when Mercury helped her she always understood more-still did.) Jupiter teaching her to fight and grow stronger. Mars then acted as her spiritual guide, her comforter, sometimes even her confessor. Her four guardians.

Her four friends.

An ache seized her heart. Her friends were still around. But there was one who was not, whose spirit was distant. She remembered being a young girl in the Moon Kingdom, sitting in Queen Serenity's lap as she sat on the throne. Even in the middle of court, the young princess reserved the right to crawl in her mother's lap. Her embrace had been so warm, so inviting. They would walk in the garden once she'd finished her studies for the day, her hand clasped in her mother's, excitedly prattling while Queen Serenity patiently listened.

There were reprimands sometimes. That kind and gentle voice could be raised in anger, but she never raised her hands in anger. And even the occasional scolding or punishment was only done in love and the princess knew it. No matter how naughty her antics were in the day-no matter if she were sent to the corner or denied her dessert-at the end, as night fell over the Lunar Kingdom, Queen Serenity would come to her room, tuck her in, read her a bedtime story and lay a kiss on her cheek. On nights where she was particularly revved up and unable to sleep entirely, the queen would lift her voice in a song. Even when Serenity was pouting over some chastisement or other, she would relent, allow herself to be held and her mother to kiss away her tears, wrap her little arms around her mother's waist and sleep on her breasts.

Nightmares often troubled the princess and her cries would bring the queen to her bed chamber and the troubled princess would soon be comforted in her gentle, loving arms, cradling her, rocking her.

When she was even younger, it was not unusual for her to sneak into her mother's bed and the Queen would inevitably draw her close. Queen Serenity was a fountain of motherly love and warmth. Yesterday, she had heard her voice on the moon, in the ruined palace, encouraging her to take up her mantle as Sailor Moon. Tomorrow they would go out to the Arctic, to face Metallia and she had no doubt they would prevail. Those few encouraging words had strengthened her and the power of them still resonated in her heart.

She was so scared. The thought of the coming battle made her tremble, but she knew she could not falter or fail. She could talk to the other Sailor Guardians about it, but she knew they were just as scared as her. A trembling passed through her. If Queen Serenity were there, she would hug her, tell her exactly what she needed to hear. That's what she needed. To talk to someone older and wiser, who would understand.

The tears were coming now. She was never able to hold them in, the tears spilling down her face, dripping down her neck and soon she would be sobbing and not able to stop. Mother. Mama. I'm so scared, Mama. They're all relying on me, they need me to be strong, need me to be brave.

Her legs gave out and she fell to her knees as if in prayer. I want to talk to you, want to hear your voice again, but you're so far away.

She could tell Ikuko-her mother, her other mother-but the thought was dismissed almost instantly. At last she allowed herself to admit it. Her mother and her had never been that close. Ikuko tried, she really did, but her competition was a literal goddess and what could compete with that?

Attempting to shake the evil thought from her head proved unsuccessful. This was not something she could share with Ikuko. Ikuko wouldn't understand and it'd only draw her closer to danger.

They might not have close, but she wasn't going to draw her into danger. (Had she ever seen Ikuko as a comforter? Maybe, when she was younger. But her voice was so often raised in anger, regardless of whether the offense was trivial or great, that it was hard to get close to her. How different from that soft, gentle voice of her first mother.)

Stop comparing them. Stop torturing yourself.

"Usagi?"

She froze, the voice like a gunshot in the silence of the night. Forcing the tears to stop (that was progress!) she then forced herself to stand, but could not turn around to face her. Her teeth grazed her lip, bit down hard. So many secrets could be spilled right now. So many secrets that could cause her family harm and losing one family in one lifetime was enough for her. "I couldn't sleep."

It wasn't a lie. Ikuko touched her shoulder, so gently it was almost a caress. "You were crying."

"I had a bad dream."

That also wasn't a lie. You're not her. The thought was vicious, but she couldn't stop it. You're not her. You can't be her. You'll never be her. At last she turned around to face her. Ikuko rubbed her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I can't tell you. "It's nothing."

"You do not sob on your knees in the middle of the night over nothing."

Usagi sniffled, wincing at how pathetic it sounded, then collapsed against her. Ikuko gasped slightly at the sudden embrace and then returned it while her daughter sobbed against her. Not ordinary crying, no, Usagi was weeping with pure, undiluted grief that Ikuko had never suspected even existed in her. Had someone died? She ran her fingers through Usagi's unbound hair, softly rocking her. "Please, please talk to me. I'm your mother, you can talk to me."

She continued to softly weep, resting against Ikuko. You're Usagi's mother, not Serenity's and I don't know if I'm Serenity or Usagi right now.

Ikuko placed her hands on her shoulders, pushed her away while still holding onto her shoulders, lifted a hand and wiped away her tears, nearly gasped when she looked at her. For a moment, in the glow of the moonlight, Usagi looked like someone else. Someone powerful and dignified, yet with an aura of some ancient, unspeakable sorrow.

The vision passed and she was her daughter again (what a strange thing to think, wasn't Usagi always her daughter?) Still, that air of ancient sorrow settled over her, like a queen who had lost her kingdom in some great cataclysm. There was a depth to that sorrow, like the blackness of a moonless night.

For a moment, staring at the trembling girl, she wasn't sure who she was. This was still her Usagi, wasn't it? How often, in the last few weeks, had she noticed the difference. Usagi now carried herself with a certain confidence, a quiet dignity that was not arrogance, but rather pride that comes when one has accomplished great things.

Who are you?

This was her Usagi whom she had rocked to sleep when she'd had nightmares (those nightmares still plagued her, didn't they?), for whom she had baked cookies to cheer her up when she was sad, whom she had sat in her lap and read to. She knew her. Didn't she?

At last, she found her voice. "I just want to know what's wrong. I want to help you."

"You can't." Her voice edged on the verge of breaking. "It's a…friend. I have a friend and he's sick. So sick he…he might not…" Her tears glistened.

Ikuko's breath caught in her breath. "Oh…oh Gods…Usagi, I'm so sorry…"

Usagi fell against her again, wondering why she had mentioned Mamoru. He was not sick, just captured and they were going to get him back. She was trying not to think about him, trying not to break entirely. Ikuko's embrace was warm and most importantly, present. At least she was there. Hating herself for what she had been thinking before, she wrapped her arms around her, rested in the arms which cradled her.

Still, there was a cold feeling in her heart.

"Usagi?" Ikuko gently rubbed her back. "There's something you're not telling me isn't there?"

"I can't tell you."

The confession burst from her lips before she could stop it.

The puzzle pieces were laid before Ikuko. Her daughter's strange changes coincided with the appearance of a certain hero whose chosen hairstyle bore a striking resemblance to her daughter's own. "Usagi? Did this…friend of yours get sick because someone hurt him?"

She whispered the answer. "Yes."

"If you tell me, are you worried that whoever hurt your friend will hurt me?"

"You. Dad. Shingo. Everyone."

Just what have you gotten yourself mixed up in? "What are you going to do about this?"
The question seemed to stop her crying. There was silence for a few moments. Then notes of steel entered her daughter's voice when she finally spoke. Her voice changed so suddenly that it made Ikaku stand back.

"She's not going to hurt anyone else. Ever. Again."

The implication beneath those words gave the impression that whoever it was she wouldn't be doing much of anything ever again.

She meant to kill her. Whoever it was, Usagi-her sweet, lazy Usagi-meant to take a life.

"Is…is there another way?"

Usagi bit down her trembling lip. "I wish there was."

"Who are you?"

"I don't know."

It was the first true thing she'd said in the conversation. A tremble passed through Ikaku when she gazed at Usagi, an instinctual response bred deep in the race at the appearance of strange and supernatural things. Usagi wasn't Usagi. In the moonlight, she practically glowed. Her skin seemed almost translucent, some inward light. She stood strong and firm at the mention of this mysterious enemy whom she was determined to stop from causing further harm. The weeping child had vanished. A warrior Ikaku did not know stood in her place.

She was a Goddess. Some holy being had taken…had incarnated as her daughter. Fear seized her heart. Had Usagi Tsukino ever existed? Had it all been a disguise till whatever this being was could awaken to carry out her purpose?

But, she had been on her knees, weeping. Had she interrupted Usagi when she had been praying to some still greater being?

Then, she remembered what dream had awakened her. A woman had appeared in her dreams, a silvery haired queen-how she knew she was a queen she did not know-her hair two flowing bands coming down from those unique buns that marked Usagi's hairstyle, the one she'd insisted on since she'd been a child.

The woman had touched her hand, told her that Usagi needed her.

"Usagi, I had a dream. A woman that looked a lot like, well, you, but older with silver hair."

"Mother?" The word was whispered.

A pang of jealousy went through her when she realized the title had not been directed to her.

"She said you needed me." Not her.

Usagi wiped away her tears. Still looking out for me, Mother? Thank you.

Ikaku stepped towards her. "I don't know how to help you, but if it helps at all, I believe in you."

Usagi nodded. "Thank you." She walked up, hugged Ikaku once more. "I need to go to bed, but thank you. I love you."

"I love you too." Ikaku held her, didn't want to let her go.

It felt flat. Like an anticlimax as if Usagi wanted to go back to normal as soon as possible, but that wasn't possible.

She felt the gulf between them widen even as she held onto her. There were words Usagi needed to hear, but she couldn't tell her them, didn't know what to say, so she let her go even as she desperately didn't want to.

Usagi trudged back into the house, her heart no more at ease than it had been. Ikuko followed her. "Goodnight, Usagi."

"Goodnight Mom."

Walking up the stairs, she opened her door and stumbled into bed. The crying had tired her out and she fell into sleep.

In her dreams, she walked through a rose garden. Each rose was in bloom, spreading a sweet fragrance, the crimson petals spiraling out from the center of the green buds. She felt the presence of another next to her. Turning, she gazed upon the figure of Queen Serenity.

"Mama? Is it really you?"

In a moment, Queen Serenity's arms encircled her waist. Usagi embraced her, laying her head against her breasts. "I'm so scared, Mama. Everyone needs me to be brave, but I'm not. I'm not powerful like you are."

"My dear daughter." Queen Serenity lifted her chin. "Do you imagine that I have never felt fear?"

Princess Serenity looked away. "Kind of?"

She caressed the princess' cheek. "Oh my darling daughter, I have known evils far more terrible than Queen Metallia. And with each one I was terrified. Terrified I would lose. Terrified that the evil would harm someone I loved."

"Then how did you manage to fight?"

"My love for my kingdom and my friends conquered the fear I felt in my heart. I had Guardians myself back then and they supported me. It is easier with friends. They will be with you. And I will be with you."

"You will be with me?"

She placed her hand on Serenity's heart. "I will always be with you, Darling." She drew her into another embrace which Serenity returned. For the first time that night she smiled.

(A/N-Ikaku got so shafted in this one. It's not that she's a bad mom, it's just she had no frame of reference for helping Usagi, unlike Queen Serenity who has gone through similar experiences.)